The process of 3P

My husband has been away these past few days, and I've been thinking a lot. I've told him I wanted to write down my feelings, and he's willing to let me express them, since we only spend time together on weekends. It's quieter being alone, so I'm sharing our story tonight. I wish all couples a loving and happy life together.
I'm 28 years old now, a mother of a three-year-old son. My husband is three years older than me; we're both from the post-80s generation. I remember meeting him at a gathering of fellow townsmen during the Dragon Boat Festival holiday when I was 23. He was working in Hangzhou at the time, and we were from the same hometown. I worked in Suzhou, where we had mutual friends. I'd heard about him from my girlfriends before, but we only truly met on the Dragon Boat Festival. At that time, I felt a bit distant from him. He seemed mature and stable, and as my girlfriends said, he was quite handsome, giving off a very energetic vibe. I, on the other hand, felt a bit immature and insecure because my job was very unstable at the time, and I was always feeling lost. The only time I was truly happy was when I had free time to visit my fellow townsmen. After he returned to Hangzhou, we kept in touch. Gradually, we became a couple, and eventually, I truly couldn't live without him. By the end of the year, we got engaged and married together. After we got married, we both worked in Hangzhou. Like most couples, our life was ordinary. After having a child, I continued working, and I always tried to be a good wife, giving him my all. My husband was generally good to me, but men are men after all, and sometimes they're disobedient or pleasure-seeking. But after a small argument, we'd quickly make up. In terms of our sex life, after a while, I always felt something was missing, but as a woman, I couldn't actively ask for anything. My husband is naturally careless. Later, he got a lot of pornographic films for us to watch together. We had watched them before, but now my husband discusses them with me, and he's become more and more considerate. I understand myself; I'm completely open and relaxed during intimacy with my husband, and I'm content. He always tries different things to make our time together. I've always been devoted to him, and of course, I expect the same from him. I know he's involved with other women, but I've seen him do things that are inappropriate, or perhaps he did things I don't know about. I'd rather he didn't. Later, at work, I met a man I really liked—a colleague who was also married. I only harbored this secret crush; I never expressed it, and I certainly wouldn't let my husband know my feelings. Later, my husband became more outgoing, and we often joked around. He said beautiful women have many suitors. I told him I only had eyes for him, and he smiled and said he'd be happy even if others pursued him. He's very magnanimous in this respect. At first, I thought he didn't care about me. Because I'm a very conservative woman, especially when it comes to relationships—once I've committed, it's for life. My husband trusts me completely in this regard. He loves and cherishes me, and later even encouraged me to find more enjoyment in life. Of course, I know that life can't revolve solely around eating, working, and sleeping, especially for women. Sometimes, a woman may indeed feel loved, even by someone other than her husband, but that's just a fleeting fantasy. She always feels guilty for thinking about it too much, as if she's betraying her husband. So she continues with a mundane life. That night, after making love with my husband, we were chatting and laughing when I asked him, "Have you ever thought about cheating?" His answer was surprisingly yes. I was immediately upset. I know that after having a child, things aren't as good as before, and our relationship has been going on for a while, but... "Does he really not care about me anymore?" my husband said with a smile. He said cheating was just a thought, but the fact that I had those thoughts still in my heart infuriated me. That night, I ignored him and went to sleep alone. He noticed my unhappiness and kept apologizing. I know that men's words are becoming increasingly unreliable these days, and the temptations in society are getting bigger and bigger. But I know that my husband and I only have a small conflict. He won't leave me, and I certainly won't leave him. Later, I became more proactive in our sex life. We tried all sorts of positions, and I became increasingly flirtatious in my words and actions. My husband loved it. I enjoyed giving him oral sex and the feeling of kissing his penis. He did the same for me. He always liked to ejaculate in my mouth during sex, and I got used to it. Seeing his satisfied expression made me feel a sense of accomplishment. This change allowed me to experience a kind of joy that women should have. My husband did a great job, and I became much more cheerful than before. Then one time we were watching porn, and we saw two men having sex with one woman. I used to think it was unbelievable, but after watching it so many times, I didn't think much of it anymore. Suddenly, my husband asked me if I liked being... I casually mentioned that I liked it, because I was already aroused at the time. Also, my husband and I often joke around, especially during sex, and we often say very lewd things. After I said that, my husband became serious and said he'd been wanting to find a handsome guy to have sex with me for a while, asking what I thought. I was furious. I thought it was one thing to joke around, but I never expected him to actually think and do that. I firmly refused, saying I wouldn't do that, not even if it killed me. But my husband kept repeating in my ear that he loved me and cherished me. I said, "How can your woman be shared with someone else?" My husband said, "Because..." He said our marriage needed some adjustment and some novelty, and that women should enjoy themselves too. I firmly disagreed. I always wanted to be a good wife and didn't want this to ruin my life. But my husband said, "It's just about finding a man who won't bother you and having some fun. There are so many people doing that these days." I questioned him about how he knew, and he showed me a lot of information and pictures about prostitution and threesomes. I didn't know he was secretly looking at these things. I had seen online that many couples were exchanging information, but many were scams. It was my first time encountering a website for couples to connect, and I was a little incredulous and curious. But to avoid upsetting him, I didn't look any further and went to sleep. Those few days my husband wasn't home, and I reopened the website. I saw a lot of couples connecting online, and I was shocked by how open it was. I thought it was so perverted, how could they do that? But seeing some of their erotic pictures, I couldn't help but feel aroused, and I even became aroused. I felt ashamed. Those nights my husband wasn't home, I kept looking. Later, when my husband came home, we made love together that night. Love, I fantasized about the feeling of two men touching and kissing me. That night, I was very passionate, but my husband ejaculated soon after, leaving me somewhat unsatisfied. Afterwards, I chatted with my husband, and he said he didn't mind me interacting with other men and encouraged me to take the initiative. It sounded like he didn't care about me, but I knew he did. He later added that it was precisely because he loved and cherished me that he could openly and selflessly share his happiness with me. It sounded like he was doing it for my sake, but I still felt a little uneasy. However, my husband remained very sincere, saying that it would make us more loving and help maintain our marriage. The joy of marriage, the brevity of life, and the need for a change in perspective—my husband wanted me to genuinely experience the feeling of a happy woman. During that time, my husband treated me very well, and I felt that he definitely didn't love or cherish me. He kept urging me to agree to be with him. Although I wasn't that averse to it, I always felt scared, though I didn't know what I was afraid of. Thinking about the scenarios my husband described, I felt a little excited; it certainly felt thrilling. Considering that secret affairs and crushes on other men still exist in society today, if my husband truly wanted to bring more joy and excitement to our married life, it would indeed make us love each other even more.
Later, my husband and I often discussed those topics. While I didn't explicitly agree on the surface, I tacitly approved. My husband noticed my change, and I told him I wouldn't pursue men I didn't like. He chuckled and said he'd slowly find someone who satisfied me before taking action. Gradually, I started talking to him about what kind of woman I was looking for, what I should be careful about, and what I shouldn't do. My husband cares about my feelings. He seems to only date men, or couples, and not women. I don't want him to date other women. Call me selfish if you want, but I just want my husband to only date me. So I told him I still couldn't accept ***, but if he really wanted another man, I wouldn't object. My husband was very happy and listened to everything I said. This shows that he wasn't just looking for his own pleasure. The idea of his woman not being possessed by other men might sound unacceptable, but it actually gave him a greater sense of excitement. It made him feel the greater allure of his woman being intimately touched by others. If a woman is always only enjoyed by her husband and never receives care from other men, it becomes too dull. A beautiful woman should have the feeling of being flirted with by other men; that would make her husband cherish and pamper her even more. If a woman only has one man in her life, it's a tragedy. Besides, under my husband's guidance, I was simply experiencing a different kind of more pleasurable sex, which didn't affect our lives and was safe and feasible. So, I gradually accepted it. After three months, my husband finally found two nice guys, one 25 and the other 32. I met them a few times via video. Later, for some reason, I chose the 25-year-old. I thought he was young, looked clean, and wasn't married. After setting a time and place, the three of us ate together first, then strolled around West Lake, and then checked into a hotel. I was still very uneasy and shy the first time, but with my husband there, I went along with his arrangements. In the room, the young man was very cheerful and clean, which made me feel like I was getting a good deal. Overall, I felt very good about him. We had chatted for a long time beforehand, and he kept calling me "sister-in-law." Later, after my husband and I took a shower together, the young man went to shower by himself. During this time, my husband had already hugged me and started kissing and caressing me. Skipping over the rest, the young man joined in after he finished showering. Facing two men constantly caressing and kissing my body, I truly felt a different kind of pleasure. After the first time, I became even more uninhibited the second time, and I had three or four orgasms. It really made me feel like I was flying. A month and a half after that experience, we met up again. Nothing bad happened; my husband loves and cherishes me even more, and I've become more cheerful. I know this makes my husband treat me even better and prevents him from cheating. He says there's no point or interest in cheating now; he feels guilty and would feel like he's doing me a disservice. I feel the same way. Before, I might have had crushes on other men, but now I'm open about everything. I don't secretly harbor thoughts about my husband or other men. I feel the joy of transparent communication and love. I love my husband, and he's even sweeter and more loving towards me than before.
Writing this, I hope that all couples in relationships can approach dating with a positive mindset, truly getting to know each other and enjoying harmony and happiness. I'm so glad I didn't push things too far back then; otherwise, my husband would have been unhappy, I wouldn't have experienced joy, and our relationship wouldn't have become more loving. After this experience, everyone says that couples become more loving, and now I believe it. Thank you to all the friends who advised and suggested things to me in the past. Please forgive me if I said anything wrong before; now I'm in the same boat as you, haha! It's too late, so I'll stop here! Time to sleep!

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The process of 3P

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