Love Again (Continued)

The next morning, I boarded the train to Beijing with my parents. The scenery outside rushed past, but I was still thinking about her. What should I apply to after the college entrance exam? Or should I stay home to help her parents? Cultivating a relationship takes time, and forgetting one also takes time. The moment I got off the train, my heart turned completely cold. Perhaps there would never be another chance. Beijing, as China's capital, had a fast-paced lifestyle that made me feel oppressed when I first arrived. I lived in a constant cycle of memories and reality. But being alone for so long, I always befriended my memories. Longing is like brewing wine; the longer it's aged, the deeper the longing grows. This went on for a very long time. Gradually, I got used to my current life, and my turbulent heart calmed down. In the summer of 2012, I finally decided to replace the wallet she gave me for my birthday, deciding to seal away everything about her. Sitting on the train home, I unexpectedly found the diary she had secretly bought for me during evening self-study sessions back in school in my bag. It contained many of our stories, and tears almost streamed down my face. Memories can never be completely erased; one day, you might find something that makes you cry uncontrollably. After returning home, we met. It was a friend's blind date. We sat facing each other, and she became so quiet. For a while, neither of us spoke, just silently looking at each other. I didn't know how to start a conversation, unable to find a topic. In the end, it was the cliché soap opera opening: "How was your year?" From the beginning until now, it's been almost five years. It took me two years to get out of my life without her—just to get out. My youthful ignorance led me to make many mistakes and do things that my friends couldn't understand. Actually, I didn't know what love was; it was just that being together for so long made me unable to leave, and having her by my side became a habit. I wanted to keep her with me, afraid that one day I would open my eyes and find myself all alone. Now, some of us are working, and some are graduating and looking for jobs. In a city that is both strange and familiar, we can't survive on memories and longing alone. We just bury our truest feelings deep in our hearts, not easily revealing them. That person, those stories with her, are deeply etched in my mind, unforgettable. If I had the chance, I would love her again. Not to make up for the mistakes of high school, but to have her by my side and continue to cherish her. People grow up and learn how to love someone without feeling burdened or making the other person feel burdened, instead of selfishly thinking only from my own perspective. I've finished writing, and I'm missing her again. I still have a ton of work to do; to earn a living, I'll bury myself in work. Looking at the calendar on my desk, September 18th, 2013, the 14th day of the 8th lunar month, happy birthday to my dearest. I want to tell you, if I had the chance, I would love you again.

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Love Again (Continued)

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