A Psychological Exploration of Adultery

Why do some men engage in cuckoldry? Why do they find it more exciting to let others sleep with their wives than to have sex with them themselves? There are actually two reasons.
First, men have a tendency to desire promiscuous women. The more promiscuous a woman's behavior (not her inner thoughts) is, the more excited a man becomes. This is universal. All men want their women to be wanton in bed, to be seductive and passionate during sex. Why? Because a woman's promiscuous behavior—that kind of behavior like sticking out her ass and begging for sex, striking poses and throwing flirtatious glances, shouting "I'm a slut, I need to be fucked!"—is essentially a courtship behavior in zoology. Like a peacock displaying its plumage or a cat meowing, when a female expresses her desire to mate through behavior, the male receives the message and reacts accordingly. Although sex in humans has transcended mere reproduction, both the primal essence and meaning of sexual behavior, and the innate human behaviors and psychology revealed by evolutionary psychology, have an evolutionary basis. This indicates that the influence of this basic reproductive behavior is etched into sexual behavior. In other words, the human brain has evolved a natural reflex: when a female exhibits such behavior, the male will naturally react. Therefore, when a man observes or participates in a woman's sexual activity, especially in a successful threesome or other cuckoldry, the woman will display extreme eroticism, desire, and initiative, providing the man with immense visual stimulation and satisfaction, and arousing natural sexual excitement and impulse. Moreover, this behavior actively and fully showcases the woman's own sensuality and attractiveness, representing one of the most beautiful moments of a woman's sexuality. If the woman is reserved, then it's not a successful activity, indicating that the man derives sexual pleasure and stimulation from it. On the other hand, every man harbors a dark side: the desire to degrade others. This desire provides immense satisfaction and self-affirmation. When his woman behaves in a vulgar or shameless manner, he experiences great satisfaction. It's similar to how being in a high position, being served, and witnessing others behaving more degradingly than oneself brings self-satisfaction. However, this psychology isn't overt or dominant in everyone. For most, this dark psychology lies dormant, not yet fully formed, only triggered by strong external stimuli. For cuckold enthusiasts, since they don't feel aversion to sexually abusing their wives, they experience little moral or mental pressure. Their darker psychological tendencies are thus less self-restrained, and they often enjoy the feeling. They rarely consider this behavior a dark psychological phenomenon (doing this to their wives is merely a pastime or game—this is a common perception; if they did this to strangers, their loved ones, or witnessed others being forced, they wouldn't feel this way but rather perceive it as cruel and perverse. However, if they find this arousing, it indicates a fully exposed dark psychology, reaching a severe level of perversion). Therefore, they can naturally accept the self-satisfaction and affirmation this psychological state brings, thus stimulating the brain's reward mechanism and generating feelings of pleasure and excitement.
Secondly, if it's just these aforementioned psychological states, then it's merely the lowest level of cuckoldry, merely satisfying one's own desires. For most genuine enthusiasts, it's often a gradual process of "training," that is, changing their wives' views on sex, helping them accept the separation of sex and love and the enjoyment of sex. They don't force their women, but rather prioritize their enjoyment and satisfaction. Therefore, this enjoyment and satisfaction is like giving them pleasure; even though it's not directly given by oneself, the act itself triggers a reward mechanism, leading to self-affirmation and satisfaction. Imagine, if you love someone, what could be more gratifying than making them happy and satisfied? Some people feel this must be something they directly give, therefore they cannot accept cuckoldry. For cuckold enthusiasts, as long as they facilitate the outcome, it's their achievement and deserves recognition. With the rise of sexual liberation thought, people's attitudes are gradually changing, accepting that women's sexuality is natural, normal, and a right they should enjoy as an inherent human right, just like men's. Men can seek out women when they have needs, and so can women. Women should also enjoy sexual pleasure, not be constrained. Therefore, there's nothing wrong with women taking initiative in sex, and there's no traditional notion of promiscuity or shamelessness (the former "promiscuity" is a positive term describing a woman's sexual development and initiative, unrelated to moral character). So, allowing her to face sex directly, boldly accept sex, accept her own needs, and actively seek satisfaction when she has them—that is, to seek out men when she has needs—is perfectly acceptable. Sex and love are two different things; sex is a need, an enjoyment, like savoring delicious food. In fact, sex and eating are the most basic human desires and needs, and the two are very similar. Sexual reproduction and natural physiological needs are like being hungry, while enjoying sex, rather than just satisfying natural sexual urges, is like enjoying a delicious meal when you're not very hungry. However, sex has always been linked to emotions, and women are indeed born with this connection, but you can consciously differentiate and control it. Merely engaging in intercourse without emotion is certainly a form of adultery for a woman's pleasure, but what's the difference between that and prostitution? Humans don't have that many needs. If it's just intercourse without emotion, you might as well seek help from a male prostitute. Therefore, there will inevitably be some feelings involved, but this is not love. It's like when you think a young man is handsome, or you think someone is sharp, or you're attracted to someone with a leadership quality—it's just a feeling of attraction. This is similar to a man seeing a sexy woman and feeling a certain attraction or desire. If you take it a step further, like a Western-style romantic relationship, where as long as you love the one you truly cannot give up, then it's okay to have feelings for others. One person's love cannot cover every inch of another's heart. In those areas not covered by love, developing any kind of lover or confidant can be just a temporary fling—something to get by when you have emotional or spiritual needs. Once it's over, you can put them back or simply accept it and find someone new next time. This is a way to address emotional and spiritual needs arising from the spiritual emptiness and busyness of modern life. Clearly, this isn't suitable for everyone; it's only for those who can separate their different feelings. They only truly love one person, while others are merely fleeting acquaintances or distractions—in other words, just something to satisfy their basic needs. Or, they only truly love one person, and the others are insignificant compared to that love, like supplements or snacks. Furthermore, it's undeniable that many people in reality fall in love with two or more people and cannot let go. You might say that's not true love, but who knows the truth? At least for them, this is the deepest feeling. If they could develop deeper feelings, they wouldn't be so tormented. Only those who claim they can't let go but are actually just greedy for two and want both are truly in love. Whether this is true or not can be discerned from whether they feel conflicted, resentful, or tormented when faced with a choice. Moreover, there are definitely many couples in reality whose deepest love isn't for their spouse. Were all these couples forced into marriage? No. You might not love him/her the most, but you're still willing to give yourself for him/her, even your life. Isn't that love? But in this case, there are two people in your heart, a distinction between "many" and "few." Similarly, the willingness to let someone enjoy the pleasures of adultery at a certain level is essentially the same—one person simultaneously harboring multiple feelings. Moreover, the latter has a more pronounced and strict distinction between primary and secondary relationships compared to the former. My personal understanding of love is the willingness to give without expecting anything in return. As long as the other person is happy and satisfied, I can gain self-affirmation and find meaning in my actions. Therefore, in this "non-monogamous" love model, there is actually only one person who truly loves (to be honest, I personally think there's no difference between the two, but from many literary works and personal confessions, there are still narratives of "the deepest love," so I've retained this view. Perhaps in their view, not thinking about the other person, actively caring for them, and being happy when together is love). This is because they are the one who cares, the one they are willing to sacrifice for, who is happy when the other is happy, suffers when the other is suffering, and is hurt because of the other. Most importantly, if you had to choose, if both of them needed you, you would absolutely choose to sacrifice for them.
Finally, there's the deep-seated desire for control that many people have mentioned. When I first entered this circle, my main motivation was also this: to completely control her sexually. “Since I’ve committed adultery, then naturally her sexual behavior—both with me and with others—is under my control. I control her desires, I control her relationships with others, and even the act of ‘cheating,’ at least physically, is under my control. This reduces her desire and possibility of cheating, because she can have relationships with others as long as she’s under my control. So why would she betray me? Her body and mind are entirely under my control.” This kind of thinking led me to initially accept adultery. Perhaps many enthusiasts don't agree with the term "control," so let's use another: knowledge, pledge of fidelity, and consent—I have knowledge of all her sexual acts, she must pledge fidelity to me, and her sexual behavior is entirely up to me; if I consent, she can have sex with others, and if I don't, she can't—but the essence remains the same. Therefore, under this deep-seated control, it's actually still a "desire to possess and control what belongs to oneself"—comparing it to an object is impolite, but this desire is inherent in human nature; men have it, and women have it too. I remember the great person who introduced me to this field once said, "Cuckoldry is merely a way of life and a form of entertainment to increase the passion and excitement in marital life and avoid monotony." It doesn't involve marital affection; it's just a game. You don't need to participate with emotions, judgment, or morality; otherwise, you're out of the game. "Passion isn't wrong; what's wrong is passion without love." If this passion occurs when the love between husband and wife is in crisis or has already ceased to exist, then it's not cuckoldry, or rather, it's gone too far from being a real relationship. Within this circle, no one denies that psychological, emotional, and spiritual infidelity is acceptable. Everyone is just having fun, enjoying themselves, and searching for the feeling of their early romance, the excitement and thrill of first seeing each other, not for genuine feelings. Taking wife-swapping and threesomes as examples, a more mature approach is that while everyone is uninhibited during the activity, afterwards, when they meet and talk, they avoid discussing those things, maintaining a tacit understanding to avoid awkwardness and to avoid constantly mentioning sex or behaving too frivolously. Of course, if you get to know each other better, things will naturally become more relaxed. However, it is not allowed or acceptable for couples to interact like lovers, except for special games agreed upon by the couple. This is because everyone knows that they have already had that kind of relationship. If they are so uninhibited in their daily interactions, it will be awkward and meaningless, and it is also easy for things to go wrong.
Okay, that concludes my explanation. However, I must say that while I've been able to explain and clarify my and others' views on love and sex, there are still some unclear points. For example, the distinction between cuckoldry and promiscuity, and between casual sex and promiscuity. Although there's no single viewpoint, cuckoldry is different from promiscuity and a casual attitude towards sex. It's just that this is very difficult to define. After all, if your wife used to be someone who emphasized complete freedom and spontaneity in her sex life, and now you agree to cuckoldry, and she can have sex with whomever she wants, what exactly does that mean?
Okay, I've finished my explanation, but I must conclude by saying that while I've been able to explain and clarify the views on love and sex held by my peers, there are still some unclear points. For example, the distinction between cuckoldry and promiscuity, and between casual sex and promiscuity. Although there's no single viewpoint, cuckoldry is different from promiscuity and a casual attitude towards sex. It's just that this is very difficult to define. After all, if your wife used to be someone who emphasized complete freedom and spontaneity in her sex life, and now you agree to cuckoldry, and she can have sex with whomever she wants, then what exactly does that mean?

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A Psychological Exploration of Adultery

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