"I Became the Matchmaker Between My Father and Wife" - Chapter 143, Thunderbolt

Thinking of Xiaoying's expression at the end of her diary entry, so much was contained in that look: fear, regret, helplessness, and deep guilt… What on earth happened? For some reason, seeing Xiaoying's complex emotions made me feel afraid too. Had something happened that even the strong Xiaoying couldn't bear?
Before even opening Xiaoying's forum, I was already lost in speculation. Could it be related to that night? Could it be... anal sex? Anal penetration? For some reason, this dark thought suddenly popped into my head. I had mentioned anal sex to Xiaoying before, but she thought it wasn't normal sex and that she couldn't accept that kind of sexual activity. I saw the determination in her expression back then, so after mentioning it a few times and being rejected, I never brought it up with her again.
Did Xiaoying, aided by the aphrodisiac, have a new breakthrough with her father that night? Did her father take over and develop Xiaoying's virgin territory? The thought of her father's egg-sized glans being inserted into Xiaoying's pink and tight anus filled her with fear, as if she had suddenly lost her most cherished possession.
Calm down, you must calm down. The situation isn't clear yet, it's too early to start overthinking.
I have two ways to find the answer. First, I'll look at Xiaoying's diary, which is the fastest way. If Xiaoying's diary doesn't explain it clearly, then there's still the surveillance video I haven't watched. Finding the answer isn't difficult for me, but that surveillance video has always been like Pandora's box. I've been afraid to open it, afraid that opening it will once again affect my attitude and feelings towards Xiaoying.
After much thought, I decided to start with the fastest method. I logged into Xiaoying's forum and opened her newly written blog post:
“Fear. This is the first time I have truly felt fear, the fear of losing my family and marriage. All along, I have been carefully maneuvering between my husband and father-in-law. I selfishly enjoy the love my husband gives me and the sex my father-in-law gives me. I always thought that I could greedily enjoy the spiritual and physical nourishment that the two men give me.”
“I was wrong. I don’t think I really considered what the consequences would be if things were exposed. If my affair with my father-in-law were to be exposed one day, how would my husband treat me and our family? He might choose to divorce me, and the family would break apart; or he might choose to forgive me, but he would never tolerate it. Even if he forgives me in the end, I will no longer be pure in his heart. I might lose his love, and the family would be dead in name only.”
"Just two days ago, I don't know what got into me, but I actually... I actually went to my father-in-law's room and had sex with him while he was drunk and unconscious, even though my husband was home. I don't know why I was so horny that night, so desperate, that I took such a huge risk to have an affair with my father-in-law, completely disregarding my husband who was still at home. In my last blog post, I planned to end my affair with my father-in-law, but I broke that promise and vow. I hate myself. Am I really going to be controlled by lust? Is my body really inseparable from my father-in-law? Between sex and love, has sex already surpassed love and taken over? These past few days, I've suddenly hated myself. Why am I so despicable? Am I still the same person I used to be?"
Seeing this, I also feel helpless. If Xiaoying hadn't mistakenly taken aphrodisiacs that night, would there have been that story and this blog post? If there's any fault, the biggest one should be me. Can everything be considered fate? Xiaoying has always been caught between sex and love, but the real culprit who broke the balance between the two is me, her husband, who is also the biggest victim now.
Xiaoying hates herself for being despicable in her diary. Should I hate myself for deserving this at this moment? From the beginning of the push, from when Xiaoying and her father truly developed sexual interest in each other, I have recalled this process countless times. Perhaps the only thing I have gained is my recovered body and my increasingly unconventional and profound sexual concepts.
Although I have recovered physically, it seems that I am starting to have psychological problems. Is this outcome a loss for me? If Xiaoying completely severs ties with her father in the future, my psychological health may recover, but will my physical health problems fall back into a slump?
I'm not going to think about it anymore. I'll just keep watching. My focus now is on finding the answers I'm looking for.
“During this period, I suffered a great blow to my mental health for many reasons. First of all, after I had sex with my father-in-law, I returned to my husband with a feeling of unease. After having sex with my father-in-law, my desires were completely released, and my mind seemed to clear up all at once.”
"Back in the bedroom, looking at my husband who was still fast asleep, I couldn't help but feel heartbroken and sorry for him. He must be having a sweet dream right now, but he doesn't know that he's having a nightmare in reality. His beloved wife went with another man while he was having a sweet dream, giving him a green hat that he can never take off."
"After the release of lust came clarity and regret. Thinking about all the things my husband and I had done in the past, imagining how hard he had worked for the family, and thinking about our vows of eternal love, I questioned myself for the first time what I had done. Taking advantage of my husband having sex with my father-in-law at home, this huge risk made me feel fear and regret for the first time."
"After having sex with my father-in-law, I felt no pleasure, only endless sadness and self-blame after I came to my senses. That night, there was no afterglow after the climax, only endless pain and sorrow. With my back to my husband, I don't know how long I cried in bed..."
“The thing I was most worried about still happened. The next morning, because I went to bed too late the night before, I overslept and didn’t make breakfast for my husband, which was the first time. And my husband went to work without waking me up. If my father-in-law hadn’t woken me up later, I don’t know how long I would have slept.”
"I hurriedly got up and washed up, wishing I could rush to work without even putting on makeup, but I was still late, a full half hour late, which is the first time ever. My department head didn't say much to me; the company has a clock-in system, so half a day's pay will be deducted."
“My girlfriends at work started teasing me, saying I looked radiant and that my husband must have fed me too much last night, which is why I was late. Little did they know that it was my father-in-law, not my husband, who actually fed me last night. Although the two titles differ by only one word, they are worlds apart.”
"My colleague's teasing, coupled with my self-blame last night, made me feel really bad. And why didn't my husband wake me up this morning? He always wakes me up when he wakes up early. He left me alone at home, which made me feel abandoned."
"At the time, I didn't think much and called my husband to confront him. What I didn't expect was that... my husband cursed at me on the phone for the first time and used foul language for the first time. This had never happened before in our relationship. In the end, he hung up on me."
"When I held the phone, I felt like it was all unreal. It was as if I hadn't fully woken up from last night's dream. Was this still the same husband who treated me with such respect?"
"I thought about the reason, and I came up with that terrible reason: my husband might have found out about what happened last night. Last night, when I was with my father-in-law, although I tried my best to control my moans, I still let go and let out a few relatively loud moans when I reached orgasm. Could my husband have found out? I was confident from last night until now that my husband was completely drunk and wouldn't wake up even if you banged on a gong and drum. But there are always exceptions. Who can guarantee that my husband won't wake up in the middle of the night when he needs to pee?"
"Last night, I was controlled by my lust and didn't consider so many unexpected factors. No, I did think about the possibility and the consequences I might face. I was scared, I panicked, and for the first time, I felt so helpless."
"I frantically called my husband's phone. He didn't answer the first time, so I called a second time. I was determined to keep calling until he answered. Once, twice, three times... With each call, my fear intensified. Finally, my husband's phone was off. When I heard that his phone was off, I called a second time to verify. It was indeed off."
"Without thinking, I grabbed my handbag and ran as fast as I could out of the company, ignoring the shouts of my colleagues and supervisor. I was wearing high heels, and I almost lost one as I ran out of the company gate. I also twisted my ankle, but after quickly tidying myself up, I still limped on to look for my husband. I was scared. I was scared that if I couldn't find him now, I might never see him again. I was scared. I was scared that I would lose him."
At this moment, I recalled that day when Xiaoying walked into the office, she was limping. I thought her leg was numb, but it turned out she had fallen before coming. I didn't see what happened before Xiaoying came to my company, but now, knowing about Xiaoying's feelings and situation at that time from the log, my heart is slightly relieved. At least Xiaoying still cares about me very much, which is a small healing for my soul.
"I knelt down. It was the first time I knelt down for my husband after seeing him. Although he might not know about my affair with my father-in-law, it was the first time I truly confessed to him and atoneed for my sins. My husband was very cold to me. I always wanted to know why. Did he know about my affair with my father-in-law? But he didn't say a word. I wanted to confess to him countless times, but I was afraid that he might not have known before, and I would have told him by taking the initiative."
“I have been hesitant, not for any other reason than that I want to remain pure in his heart forever, and I want my best self to remain in his heart forever, even though my body is no longer clean and can never be purified.”
“On my way to find my husband, I made up my mind that if he didn’t forgive me and wanted me to leave him, I would respect his decision and give him everything I had without reservation. In order to give him a suitable reason for divorce, I would choose to end my life in an accident, thus keeping this secret forever, for the sake of harmony between my husband and father-in-law, and for the harmony of this family. I am not a coward, nor am I a suicidal person, but I cannot imagine how I can live after leaving my husband and son. I have no motivation or hope to live.”
"However, my husband seemed to have some reason he didn't want to talk about. Although he was very cold, he never mentioned anything about my relationship with my father-in-law, not even hinting at it. At that time, I finally had a sliver of hope. As long as my husband didn't know about my relationship with my father-in-law, I still had a chance to salvage the situation. As long as I severed ties with my father-in-law and kept this secret forever, I was willing to stay by my husband's side for the rest of my life, even if he made me suffer all kinds of grievances."
"But just when I finally had hope and it rekindled my hope for the future, a bolt from the blue struck again, almost making me collapse and unable to get up. My period is late this month, it's been about forty days."
"Although menstruation can be delayed occasionally, this is the first time it has happened to me, especially during such a 'sensitive and special' period. IUDs have always been my source of reassurance, but I've heard that they aren't 100% effective at preventing pregnancy, and there are precedents of unintended pregnancies even if they malfunction. Could it be that I'm pregnant because my period hasn't come? If I am, who will the child be—my father-in-law or my husband? I don't even have the courage to buy a pregnancy test, let alone go to the hospital for a checkup."
"What should I do? I pray to God, please don't, please don't let me get pregnant..."

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"I Became the Matchmaker Between My Father and Wife" - Chapter 143, Thunderbolt

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