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Home >> 1 Erotic stories>> Come, let's make love.
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Come, let's make love. 

(1)
When Shui Bai first arrived in G City, she was single. Two years have passed, and Shui Bai can no longer say she's single. Sometimes, seeing live fish swimming in the incredibly filthy Lianjiang River in G City feels like meeting a fellow countryman—a truly comforting experience. Kindred spirits are everywhere; it's just that we often lack the eyes to see them.
Humans are prone to loneliness; no one can doubt that. Even cats and dogs, belonging to different social groups, are no exception. A cat's wailing during mating season is the most heart-wrenching sound; it certainly doesn't sound like one cat calling out to another, "Darling, let's make love."
Shui Bai felt incredibly embarrassed hearing cats meowing in heat, and even seeing two dogs mating on the street would make her blush instantly. She felt as if her own sisters were so shameless. If someone could simply cover a cat's mouth, or bring out their own blanket to cover the mating dogs, Shui Bai would be willing to marry that person, even if she didn't love them at all, or even if they casually asked for a part of her youth.
When feeling lonely, one often thinks of a particular person, not much different from cats or dogs. When a cat is well-fed, watered, and playing by itself, Shui Bai thinks she certainly doesn't think of other cats. She lies there so lazily, her eyes looking around, but ultimately only at herself. She is content with her own appearance; everything around her is just trivial, not worth her attention.
Shui Bai also understands loneliness, but the degree of loneliness is naturally not as great as that of a cat in heat. The good friends she has accumulated over the years are not in the same city. Even if she talks on the phone, they are in different times and spaces. To truly communicate, she has to translate herself into words before the other person can understand.
One of Shui Bai's favorite activities is mountain climbing. G City happens to be a city of mountains and rivers. Although it takes an hour by bus to climb a mountain, it's still better than walking an hour to see someone.
The mountain isn't very high, but it has many slopes, and it would take several hours to climb all the slopes and then return to the starting point. It's especially popular for hikers on weekends, and there's a park on the mountain for people to relax or do other activities. Shui Bai climbed alone, and since there were many people going up and down, she didn't think much about personal safety.
But a moment later, something almost happened. At that time, Shui Bai was sitting in the pavilion halfway up the mountain, and people were passing by one after another. Shui Bai was resting with her eyes closed, leaning against a pillar, when suddenly water was poured down on her head, soaking her head and face.
Shui Bai opened her eyes and saw that it was a little girl, about twelve or thirteen years old, holding an empty mineral bottle. Shui Bai was usually able to get angry, but she was sweating at the time, so the water being poured on her was incredibly refreshing.
The little girl stared blankly, showing no sign of pleasure or mischief after being doused with water. Shui Bai truly couldn't understand why this little girl insisted on pouring water all over her head.
Shui Bai asked the little girl, "Are you alone too? Where are your parents?"
The little girl just stared at Shui Bai warily without saying a word, as if she herself had been violated by a stranger, not Shui Bai.
Shui Bai asked again, "You're in junior high, right? Are you wearing a school uniform?"
The little girl remained silent, but after a moment of stalemate, she suddenly picked up a pebble from the ground and threw it at Shui Bai, then turned and ran away.
Shui Bai suddenly became interested and ran after the little girl. When the little girl saw Shui Bai following, she kept screaming until a woman's voice scolded, "Ai Zi, you're teasing your sister again."
It was a woman, standing a few steps higher than Shui Bai, hands on her hips, looking at the little girl and then at Shui Bai. Shui Bai stood there a little embarrassed and said, "Your child is a bit naughty."
The woman said, "I'm sorry, I probably bothered you. Ai Zi just likes to tinker with things by herself. Please don't mind."
Shui Bai said, "It's okay, I was like that when I was little."
Ai Zi had already run up to the steps in front, but this time she came down from the steps again to tease Shui Bai, and then screamed and ran away. Shui Bai satisfied her and ran after her.
Shui Bai ran for a while, then suddenly got a leg cramp, and sat down on the ground gritting her teeth in pain. Ai Zi's mother saw Shui Bai suddenly sit down and quickly ran over, asking what was wrong. Shui Bai told her, "It's an old problem, my leg cramped up." Ai Zi's mother said, "I'll massage your feet, it'll help you get better faster." Shui Bai was embarrassed, but the woman took off Shui Bai's shoes and started massaging her through her socks.
Ai Zi ran over and watched her mother massage intently. The woman said, "Your feet are so soft; I've never touched such soft feet before."
Shui Bai smiled and said, "I don't feel anything myself. I don't feel my legs are weak when I walk. Are you a masseuse?"
The woman said, "No, but I like giving massages. Aren't my massages very comfortable?" After saying that, she looked at Shui Bai and smiled.
Shui Bai said, "It's quite comfortable." However, she noticed the way the woman looked at her and suddenly felt uncomfortable. That look was strange, as if she was about to do something evil.
(2)
Shui Bai didn't want to see that look again, so she closed her eyes. The woman's hands were soft, but perhaps because they were unfamiliar, they just felt nice, even her body temperature felt lovely.
Shui Bai was trying to figure out how to strike up a conversation with this woman. Not striking up a conversation was definitely not an option, since she was being so kind as to offer her free service. Suddenly, the woman started tickling Shui Bai's soles. Shui Bai couldn't help but laugh and tried desperately to pull her feet back, but the woman held her tightly.
Shui Bai was truly surprised that someone would play such a prank, but she couldn't bring herself to react. The woman scratched Shui Bai's soles for a while, then laughed herself, looking at Shui Bai with that same mischievous glint in her eyes. Ai Zi was also giggling incessantly on the side.
Shui Bai couldn't help but laugh, but her laughter slowly turned into tears. She couldn't say anything, so she could only beg for mercy. She kept repeating, "God, you can't do this, you can't do this." But the more she begged, the more skillfully the woman scratched her, and the more Shui Bai felt itchy. She didn't know how to get rid of the itching except by laughing.
The woman laughed and said, "Call me 'baby' quickly, or I won't stop."
Shui Bai was dumbfounded. This was too outrageous. She had never called anyone "baby" before, not even a child. How could she possibly call a stranger that?
Shui Bai was still laughing despite her discomfort, and she couldn't make a sound. Helpless, she tried to pry the woman's hands off her, but she was clearly no match for her strength.
The woman scratched at it while saying, "Call me, call me baby."
Passersby found the adorable intimacy between the three women of different ages amusing, stopping to watch for a moment before continuing on their way with a smile.
Shui Bai wanted to hate, but couldn't bring herself to do so.
Her body was incredibly itchy, yet she was laughing unrestrainedly. Shui Bai felt she hadn't laughed this loudly in two years, and was even happy about it—it was strange.
But no matter what, physical sensations are still physical sensations. Whether it's a ticklish feeling or an uncomfortable one, it's going to be hilarious if it continues like this, even though it sounds funny. I was also infected by my own laughter, which is why I felt happy inside.
Shui Bai decided it was best to compromise. She managed to squeeze out two words, "Baby," and was already too embarrassed to look at the woman. The woman wouldn't give up, saying, "No, your voice is too soft."
Shui Bai had no choice but to bite the bullet and say in a slightly louder voice, "Baby." As she spoke, she looked at the trees to make herself feel more at ease.
The woman said, "You have to look me in the eyes and call me Qingqing, then call me Baobei."
Upon hearing this, Shui Bai's face flushed bright red again. She thought to herself, "My darling is already being affectionate enough, and now he wants more kisses. This woman is really something else. But whatever, I'll just pretend to be a little indifferent."
水白看著那女人的眼睛,努力要讓自己不深入地看,只是假裝著看。那女人的眼睛倒也顯得平常,沒什麼深意的,可是越平常,水白反而越是不能平常地對著她的眼睛。
水白只好笑著躲藏著她的眼睛盡量溫柔地說:「寶貝,親親。」
那女人呵呵笑說:「叫得真是怪膩的,不是親親,是青青,我的名字。」
水白不置可否地哦了一聲,那裡管得了那麼多,反正任務算是完成了。那女人也終於放了手。
(3)
經過這麼一番折騰,水白倒覺得跟青青一下親近了好多。臉都紅過了,最難堪的境況也都被人家看了去,似乎也沒什麼秘密可以相瞞。如此水白便開始慢慢放鬆自己。
青青是那種很講究很精緻的女人,衣著自然是光鮮的,皮膚也是保養得很好,不僅白淨,而且臉頰還保持著少女的紅暈。水白看著她想,大概這女人每天除了把自己的形象維護好,也不會做別的事。漂亮是漂亮,可是這漂亮付出的代價也是夠大的。水白自己是不甚講究外在衣著和美容,反正每天出門前在鏡子面前一站,自己感覺滿意就行了。塗塗抹抹的年齡似乎已經過去了,工作的繁忙足以把一切繁文縟節、小資情調和搔首弄姿都省略掉。
活的腳踏實地大概也就是如此。況且能有什麼辦法呢?現在也正處於資本積累時期,離後現代的無聊空虛無所事事地自我分裂還遠著呢。
不過青青說:「資本積累,對於女人來說,最重要的是要學會理財。」
水白說:「我每個月掙的工資還不夠我自己花,我理什麼財啊?」
青青說:「這就是你年輕不懂了。你每個月的工資不是財啊?有財就要學著讓它增值。增值不一定是你今天五塊錢,明天就變成十塊錢了。關鍵是要懂得投資,讓你投資的東西增值,這比讓錢直接生錢容易多了。比如現在正是經濟蕭條期,倘若你直接把錢花在做買賣上,能不虧就不錯了。」
水白說:「我不明白我有什麼可以投資的,也沒有生意頭腦。」
青青說:「我們女人看東西最好不要看硬件,比如自己開公司,擁有多少資產之類,這些硬件都是身外之物,說來就來,說走就走;應該看軟件,那些屬於自己的品格和素質,這些東西你只要活著,一輩子都還是你的。」
水白說:「這個道理大家都明白。」
青青說:「明白是明白,做是另一回事。我就沒見過有多少女人做得很好的。」
水白想,大概青青自己以為自己是做得比較好的一個。
青青說:「比如現在的經濟蕭條期,女人至少可以做兩項絕對不會虧本的投資。一是美容健身。別以為男人甚至女人說了真的不會在意你的容貌,就真的不在意。即使在愛著的時候也是如此,沒有不適應美麗的眼睛,只有不適應醜陋的眼睛。外在形象的美好絕對是一個女人的不動產。我就想像不出世間有那個人忍心讓一個美人餓死。等經濟復甦了,甚至就算是經濟蕭條期,美人都是供不應求的。」
水白是很反對把一個人當作物品來評估價值,不過即使拿別的東西來衡量一個人,其實本質還是一樣,還是把人當成了物或者可以評估的對象。青青說的也是事實,水白不好反駁。
青青接著說:「除了美容健身,第二項可投資的是教育。這對於那些不屑於以容貌取悅於人的女子是很好的增值法子。尤其是在經濟蕭條期,萬物待新,正好可以拿出點閒錢給自己度度金,就算不是為了謀生,也能增強自身的修養和品味。你別小看修養和品味,不管你有錢沒錢,都能使一個人顯得高貴。」
在水白看來,所謂的修養和品味其實就是讓一個人越來越脫離動物的低級趣味,越來越有人情味。說白了,也就是讓一隻寂寞的貓的叫春裝飾得異常浪漫和美麗。
水白陪著青青和艾子爬完一座山坡就下了山。路上也主要是青青在說,水白基本就是附和了。不過也許是青青太女人了,水白覺得也有一種可愛。下了山,也就分頭各自回各自的住所,生活本來就是如此,人與人的相遇就像水流流過石頭。
(4)
水白上了公交車,想掏出手機來看看時間,摸摸口袋才想起手機放青青包裡忘了取回。水白趕忙下了公交車,往回走,心想青青說不定還在山門口。
一陣火急火燎地趕到山門口,果然看見青青和艾子坐在敞棚的飲料店喝水。青青遠遠地就朝水白喊:「我就知道你肯定還會回來找我的。」
水白說:「不好意思,我手機忘你袋子裡了。」
青青倒奇怪了:「手機,你是回來取手機的啊?我倒也忘了。」說完就從挎包裡摸索半天把水白的手機拿了出來。
水白問:「你剛才說什麼我肯定會回來找你?」
青青說:「沒什麼,是我自己的感覺。感覺著你走得不踏實。」說完就朝水白很有深意地笑笑。
水白也是個敏感之人,聽她這麼一說,差不多又要臉紅了。
青青說:「不如你記下我的電話吧,萬一你又忘什麼在我這。」
水白說:「我那有那麼多東西忘你這啊。」說歸說,還是很認真地把青青的手機和家裡的電話都輸進了自己的手機。
水白低頭輸電話號碼的時候,心裡嘀咕,感覺著自己這麼認真地記下電話號碼其實是做給青青看的,以補償她那深意的笑。
青青又說:「你是每個週末都來爬山麼?」
水白說:「差不多是如此,除非下雨或者有別的事情。」
青青說:「我前天晚上做了個夢,說不定你能解呢?」
水白說:「我又不瞭解你和你的生活,恐怕解不了了你的夢。」
青青說:「我感覺這個夢好像跟你有關似的,你聽聽好了,解不解無所謂。」
青青的夢是這樣的:
青青一個人來爬山,沒有艾子。路邊有一棵樹引起了青青的注意,青青覺得這棵樹好像跟她有什麼關係似的。果然那棵樹說話了:「我有一樣東西忘你家裡了,你沒給我帶來麼?」青青說:「沒有,下次我一定給你帶來。」青青在夢裡覺得是有什麼東西該帶卻沒有帶來給樹,但那東西是什麼,印象很模糊,好像是塊美玉什麼的。
一會又夢見在海邊,青青和一個陌生的女子一起用沙子做一個小孩,兩個人配合很默契,沒多大功夫就把小孩給做好了,小孩還很漂亮,兩個人都很高興。青青在夢裡感覺自己是單身,沒有小孩,而那個陌生的女子也是單身。
水白說:「你這個夢確實大有深意,不過不一定跟我有關。想聽我解釋給你聽麼?」青青沒想到水白還真能解夢,高興地直催她快解。
水白說:「你很快將會跟一個女子發生一段情緣,或者你渴望發生一段情緣。這段情緣的發生,你是主動也是關鍵的一方。那棵樹和海邊的那個陌生女子是同一的,美玉和漂亮孩子象徵愛情。但這份愛情雖然看起來很美,卻不會很牢固。」
青青聽水白這麼解釋,好像不是很高興,說:「這麼個破夢,你說得倒是有鼻子有眼的。」
水白笑笑,沒說什麼。心想這個女人真是如此不堪自己看破。
(5)
生活可以是美味的,每個日子都像一桌菜擺在自己面前,客觀地說沒有做得不好的菜,只有吃的人胃口好不好,反正水白是這樣想的。不管遇到什麼事情,即使糟糕透頂的事情,水白也能在沮喪之餘,找到可享受的一面。
每天還是照常上班下班,太陽偏東也好,偏西也好,人還是一樣的過下去。有時候水白懷疑自己是可以長命百歲的,每天這樣的過活,感覺日子似乎無限漫長。
一日無聊,水白翻開電話本要給一個老朋友打電話。那邊電話接起來了,卻不是老朋友的聲音,水白就說了老朋友的名字,問在不在。電話那邊的女人噗哧一聲笑了,說:「水白,你竟聽不出我的聲音?」很有責怪的意思。
水白愣半天,感覺聲音是很熟悉,可就是想不起是哪個人。那邊那聲音又說:「你難道不知道我會等你電話麼?」水白支吾著,模模糊糊說:「我這不就給你打麼?」那邊那聲音說:「你還有一樣東西在我這呢?你要不要拿回去?」
說到這水白才明白過來,對方是青青。可是也奇怪,明明撥的是老朋友的電話。水白感覺自己真是糊塗了。
水白問:「我又有什麼東西落下了?」水白那天本來就沒帶什麼,還能什麼東西呢?
青青說:「你來了就知道了,你若方便,就到我家來,不方便,我抽空給你送過去。」然後就說了自己的地址,水白一聽竟然跟自己住得還很近,也就十分鐘的路程吧。
青青又說:「有好一段日子了吧,要不過來坐坐。」
水白覺得不好意思拒絕,尤其剛才還說到「難道不知道我會等你電話」,水白感覺著自己已經欠了她的了。
挑了個星期六晚上,水白先到花店買了三枝玫瑰。想不出該買什麼花,而且對於青青,好像送玫瑰也是最合適的。水白只是本能地這樣覺得,然後也就聽從了自己內心的聲音。
青青穿著粉紅色的睡衣出來開門。水白一見面就說:「這麼早就準備上床啊?」
青青笑笑說:「習慣了洗完澡就上床的,也喜歡晚上只穿睡衣,不喜歡穿白天穿的衣服。」
水白很是靦腆地把手中的三枝玫瑰送到青青目前。青青眼中露出欣喜之色,然後就在水白的唇上輕輕吻了一下。
水白真是沒想到會這樣,心跳加速,臉是肯定紅得發紫了,整個人感覺剛從高溫地帶回來。青青倒顯得一切如常,領著水白就進臥室。
水白站在臥室門口,竟呆住了。房間裡只有一張大床,放在屋子的正中心。沒有燈,只有蠟燭,一根根站在床的四圍。床罩、被子、枕頭都是粉紅色,在跳動的燭光下,床本身就是一個年少的姑娘,因為什麼獨自羞紅了臉。
青青拉拉水白的衣袖說:「怎麼,不好意思進麼?」
水白看看青青,又看看房間,說:「你這張床不用人睡都是好看的。」
青青笑了,說:「真是傻子才會說這樣的話。床自然要有人睡才是床,正如女人要有人愛才是女人。」
水白問:「艾子睡了麼?」
青青說:「她上寄宿學校的,難得回來。倒也清淨。」
水白還想問她的丈夫,又覺得問不出口。
(6)
青青素性拉了水白的手,小心地領著她繞過蠟燭,坐到床上,水白也順從地坐下。不知道該如何,眼睛也不知該往哪兒放。
青青說:「有你坐我床上,我感覺著我這些蠟燭,還有我這張床都完整了些。」
水白悶著頭,大氣都不敢出。害怕的不是將會發生的事,而是青青所說的話,還有她言語的溫柔。那種溫柔是水白從沒風聞過的,但又十分能體會這種溫柔,而且還是往心裡去體會。
水白的手是被青青握著的,也是一樣溫柔地相握,水白努力著不去體會。可是越不去體會,越是感覺到自己是被一個女人握在了手心。
青青說:「給你看看你的東西吧。」說完一隻手揭開被子。水白一看,是自己的一件襯衣壓在被子底下,就是那天爬山的時候因為熱脫下的,竟然一直都沒記起來。
水白不想還好,一想又難免心驚肉跳。這女人竟然把自己的衣服放在被窩裡親近。水白說:「一件破衣服,你怎麼沒有把它扔了。我自己早都忘了。」
青青說:「衣物跟人親近多了,也會帶著人的習性。相信麼?我就從你的衣服裡知道了很多關於你的信息。你把這件衣服拿回去,也一定能從中獲得我的很多東西。我可是跟它耳鬢廝磨了近一個月啊。」
水白聽她這麼說,又感覺自己多疑,只是不知這女人有什麼樣的怪癖。
青青說:「你害羞的時候倒是蠻可愛的,我就喜歡看你害羞的樣子。」說完又用嘴唇輕輕去啄水白的臉頰。
水白的身體是僵硬的,可是那被親吻的臉是幸福地紅著的。水白甚至感到了自己心的顫抖,那顫抖首先在十根手指體現出來。青青自然是感覺到了,用自己的手輕輕撫摸水白的手。
兩個人坐著半晌沒說話。青青看著蠟燭,水白也看著蠟燭。等水白抬頭看青青的時候,才發現自己跟青青竟然看著同一根蠟燭。
水白不知道青青在想什麼,她的臉是寧靜的,應該是很專注地在想一件事情,而且這事情跟水白是肯定沒有關係的。但就算沒有關係又如何。兩個陌生女人坐在一張床上,一個還握住另一個的手,從別人的眼睛看來,應該是很美的,也是溫馨的。水白不知道這算不算幸福。
水白也沉入自己心事的時候,青青說話了。青青說:「水,我給你講個故事吧。」這是青青第一次叫水白叫得這麼親近。不過水白也沒覺得什麼,很自然,當然也很舒暢。
青青說:「有兩個人,一個自南往北行,另一個自西往東行。兩個人在路上相遇了。自南的那個問另一個說:『你知道往東怎麼行麼?』自西的就告訴他哪面是東,然後也問自南的:『你知道往北怎麼行麼?」自南地也一樣告訴了他怎麼往北行。然後兩個人,一個左轉,一個右轉,繼續前行。」
水白說:「這不就是兩隻手的交叉和分離麼?」然後自己的手從青青的手裡脫身出來與青青的手模擬了一下。青青什麼也沒說,只是笑笑。
(7)
兩人後來再說一些話,就一起坐到被子上,面對面。青青還是那麼柔柔地,水白感覺著自己已經在一種意念的昏迷之中。
青青說:「水,我化妝給你看吧。」水白說好。青青就起身去拿了化妝盒鏡子之類的東西重新面對水白坐下。
水白看著青青的手捏著粉餅在臉上的t字部位輕輕撲著。青青那樣輕柔的動作,水白彷彿在那見過,好像是水霧瀰漫著一個熟睡的女人,或者風中無奈著等待凋零的花。
青青再用小粉刷在眼瞼和眼角抹一層紫色的眼影,水白看著那張臉一下變得詭異起來。
青青說:「從前有一個女子,所愛的人出門遠行了,就每天披頭散髮的很嚇人。別的女子都奇怪,說:『愛人不在,也不要老巫婆似的,還有別的男子看著呢。』女子回答說:『人在世間,總有三隻眼睛看著你,一隻是愛人的眼睛,一隻是他人的眼睛,一隻是自己的眼睛。我現在是用我自己的眼睛看著自己。』」
青青再用眉筆一根一根地畫著纖細的眉毛,水白看著她那纖長的手指,還有凝神看著鏡子的眼睛,她已經儼然自成一個世界,奇怪的是,水白感覺自己也在她的世界裡,小指翹著,心神既在又不在每一根畫著的眉毛。
然後是嘴唇,唇線筆畫出上下兩道弧形。又是刷子,沾著唇紅在上下唇細心地摩娑。青青抿一抿嘴說:「水,你知道雨天人的心情會起什麼變化麼?雨,那是天張開了嘴唇,地上的萬物也都張開了嘴唇。你知道人的心情會起什麼變化麼?」
水白說:「自然是有變化的。如果陽光親近的是人的肌膚,水則進入了人的身體。」
青青說:「水激起掛念與柔情。」
水白驀然想到自己的名字裡有一個水字,而且青青直呼自己為水。不由覺得怪異,再看看自己身處的房間,更是覺得怪異。
水白說:「時候不早了,我該回去了。」
青青說:「難得來一次,再呆會兒吧。」
青青已經把化妝的東西都拿走了,重新在水白的面前坐下。水白看著她,這個女人的臉本來就有點狐媚,化過妝之後,更是妖媚了。可不管怎麼妖媚,眼角的魚尾紋還是遮掩不住的。水白覺得不忍心再看下去,就把眼睛轉開了。
青青說:「怎麼不看我呢?」她伸手把住水白的臉,水白只好又把眼睛對著她,可是看著她眼裡的柔情,水白又不好意思了。
水白說:「我真的該走了。」
青青歎一口氣說:「好吧,我送你出去。」
水白很快下了床,一下就衝到了門口。青青說:「你跑什麼呢?你的衣服不要了嗎?」水白只好等在門口,青青拿了她的衣服,然後挽著她的胳膊把水白送到了防盜門外。青青又親一下水白的嘴唇說:「你要常來看我。」水白說好,然後快步下了樓梯,忍不住回頭看了一下,發現青青倚在門口還癡癡地看著她。水白頭一低,幾乎是跑下了樓。
(8)
回到家了,水白的心還慌慌的,說不出為什麼,只是覺得自己好像闖到了一個人的夢境裡去了一樣,既然已經到了人家夢裡去了,自然也要做那夢裡的事情,可水白不知道自己能否做到。
那被青青放在被窩裡廝磨了近一個月的襯衣被水白放在凳子上耷拉著,水白看著它,感覺這件襯衣幾乎跟自己無關了。不過她還是忍不住撿起來放到鼻子底下聞了聞,只是一股香水味,茉莉香型的,恰巧也是水白喜歡的味道,應該就是青青的體味了。不過這麼一種香水味能提供有關青青的什麼信息呢,水白想不明白。
水白想乾脆把襯衣洗了吧,洗了還是可以穿的。不過她到底沒有拿去洗,只是把襯衣用衣架撐了塞進衣櫃,然後就幾乎把它忘了。
又過了些日子,水白到江邊的小島去辦差,小島上的房子幾乎都是石頭砌成的,而且有些年月了。島上的樹木也是高大,鬱鬱蔥蔥的,樹幹上爬滿青苔。水白在石板鋪的路上走著,免不了東張西望,驀然就看見有一個女子坐在家門口的石階上,正梳著長長的褐色的頭髮。她的頭髮垂在前面,所以她的整個臉都被遮住了。
水白忍不住停下腳步看了一會兒,感覺那個女人應該是個中年的婦女,穿著黑色的褲子和花色的上衣。她的頭髮真是長的,幾乎垂到地面了。她只是專注地梳著頭髮,一遍一遍的,水白看著覺得頭髮已經被她梳得很齊整了,但這個女人好像沒有感覺似的,還是那麼一遍遍專注地梳著。
到了晚上,水白給青青打了電話,青青一接起電話就說:「我以為你又把我忘了。」她的聲音柔軟地讓水白感覺她整個人都要癱倒在地上了。水白覺得奇怪,自己還沒說話,青青怎麼知道是她打的電話呢?
水白說:「你怎麼知道是我呢?」
青青說:「我有預感的,電話鈴響的時候,我正梳著頭髮,然後梳子就掉到地上了。」
水白哦了一聲。水白又說:「我想問你一件事情。」
青青說:「說吧,看我能不能解。」
水白說:「你說一個人的頭髮在整個身體裡佔什麼樣的位置?」
青青說:「你來我家吧,我慢慢告訴你。」
水白猶豫了一下,覺得自己不是很喜歡去她的家,就說:「要不週末爬山的時候跟我說吧。」
青青呵呵笑了,說:「不行,這個問題只適合在夜晚回答。」
水白沒有話了,那邊青青好像感覺到了水白的猶豫,又接著說:「你不想來看看我嗎?我幾乎每天都等著的。」
水白覺得拒絕這麼一個溫柔的女子,實在有點不應該,就說:「好吧,我週五晚上去看你吧。」
放下電話,水白躺在床上認真想了一會兒,覺得自己好像在冒險似的。不過也管不了那麼多了,這個世界對水白來說總是有很多神奇的地方,而水白是最受不住誘惑的。不過話又說回來,倘若什麼也誘惑不了自己,那活著豈不是很無趣,人是被誘惑著長大,誘惑著繼續生存下去的。
(9)
近來一段時間,水白髮現自己頭髮掉得特別厲害,沖涼的時候,一小圈一小圈的頭髮被水沖到白色瓷磚的地板上,能看得很分明。床單和枕頭上也分散著一根或者糾結在一起的頭髮,甚至房間地板上也有。
水白懷疑自己是不是在脫髮,因為脫髮是有家族遺傳的,水白的父親就禿頭。水白特意為此事咨詢了一個老同事,老同事說:「這是自然地新陳代謝,擔心什麼,掉了還會長出來的。」水白將信將疑,其實也沒很把這事放在心上。只是覺得自己好像突然對人的毛髮產生了興趣。
週五水白直到天黑才到青青的家裡,水白覺得拜訪一個人,尤其是女人,夜晚比白天好的多,白晝的亮光把一切展現了,讓人發慌,但夜光往往把什麼遮掩了,但也能把那被隱藏的勾引出來。
出來開門的是艾子,艾子一看是水白,就板起了臉,飛快地朝水白身上吐了一口口水。幸好母親出來了,青青說:「艾子,你怎麼能對姐姐這麼沒有禮帽?」艾子又朝水白呲呲地做了個鬼臉,然後扭身跑進了屋。
青青很快拉了水白的手,一邊掀起自己的睡衣往水白胸前擦,水白被青青在胸前擦著有點難為情,就說:「沒事的,小孩子的口水不髒的。」
青青說:「這孩子是被慣壞了,脾氣也是古怪,連我這個做母親的都摸不著頭腦。」水白說:「人小時候脾氣都怪吧。」
青青看著水白笑,又摟住了水白的腰,青青說:「我看你小時候也是一個古靈精怪的人。」水白被她看著,又這樣被她摟著,感覺很是侷促。青青又說:「你來了就好,你是不知道我是怎樣等你來的。」
說著就拉著水白的手進了客廳,轉了個彎,進了水白上次進過的那間臥室。在臥室門口的時候,水白又吃了一驚。房間裡的佈置已經完全不同,床沒有了,只有一張紫色的大概兩米長的沙發,還有靠近窗戶放著一張黑色的梳妝台,梳妝台的鏡子是橢圓型的,很亮,正對著臥室的門。梳妝台前還有一張皮質的圓座的小凳子,看上去就感覺很柔軟。
青青拉了拉水白的手說:「進來啊。」
水白說:「你這房間我都認不出來了。」
青青呵呵笑說:「我喜歡不斷地重新佈置自己的房間,你會習慣的。」
水白說:「原來那張床呢?」
青青指指沙發。水白認真看了看,才發現沙發其實就是由原來的那張床折疊成的,只是把被褥拿走了而已。
青青拉著水白的手在沙發上坐下,又看著水白微笑。水白更覺得無所適從,不知道是回應她的目光呢,還是把眼睛轉開,裝作若無其事的樣子。
青青說:「你來了,我覺得整個屋子都有生氣了。」
水白只是疑惑,跟這個女人其實才不過剛剛認識,為什麼她對自己能夠這麼親暱呢?
(10)
青青拿了一本黑色的精裝的書來,水白髮現這書的封皮封底和側封都沒有字。青青把書翻開到一頁,攤開了放在膝蓋上,水白在書頁上發現一根頭髮,心想可能是青青的頭髮,剛剛落下去的。
青青問:「水,你在這書裡發現什麼了?」
水白說:「我沒細看上面的文字。」
青青說:「與文字無關的。」
水白說:「那是什麼?」
青青用兩根手指輕輕捏起了那根頭髮說:「水,這是你的頭髮。」
水白有點尷尬地笑笑說:「我還以為是你的頭髮。」
青青說:「難道你連自己都認不出來嗎?我的頭髮怎會是這個樣子呢?」
水白認真地看了看青青的頭髮,烏黑發亮的,水白又用手去摸,髮絲比較粗,但還柔軟。
青青說:「只有你才有這麼纖細的頭髮,而且是淡褐色的。我看到這頭髮,就好比看到你了。」
水白有點吃驚,說:「怎麼可能呢?一根頭髮算什麼,落掉就沒有了,而且不斷地有新的長出來。」
青青說:「你若把它看成是你身外的桌子凳子之類的東西,它對你自然沒什麼。但其實它是比衣服與你更接近的。我在你的襯衣聞到你的氣息,但看著這根頭髮,我就看見你了。」
青青把頭髮重新放回書頁,把書合上,那黑色的封皮在她的手下顯得越發詭秘。水白想起在島上看見的那個梳發的婦女,驀然想到點什麼,就問青青:「你說頭髮對人究竟有何用呢?」青青說:「毛髮使人柔軟和隱秘。」
水白想到恐怖片裡的女鬼一般都是披散著長長的頭髮,而且把自己的臉都遮住了。又想到有專門甩頭髮的舞蹈,又想到古時候的人幾乎不剪頭髮的,只是把頭髮擰成長辮或者盤在頭頂。
青青大概覺察到了水白在發呆,就用胳膊碰碰她說:「想什麼呢?」
水白回過神來說:「哦,沒想什麼。」
青青笑著說:「你肯定在想什麼,眼睛骨碌骨碌地轉著。」
水白被她說得有點不好意思,就說:「我只是覺得頭髮對人比較奇怪。」
青青說:「那是因為你遠離它了,所以你會覺得它奇怪。」
青青這麼一說,水白又有點懵了。水白想站起來踱踱步,這樣有助思考,但這樣莫名其妙地突然站起來,青青肯定會覺得奇怪,所以只好忍著。
這時候艾子跑進房間來,嘴裡啃著一片西瓜,另一隻手還拿著一片。艾子把一片西瓜遞給青青,青青說:「給姐姐吃。」艾子執拗著就要給母親。青青就接過來,然後要遞到水白手裡,不想水白還沒接過來,艾子一個劈手,就把西瓜打翻在地了。
青青倒沒有生氣,只是說:「艾子你不能這麼調皮。」水白倒是感覺自己對艾子有點生氣,但也不好表現出來的。
(11)
晚上水白沒有回自己的宿舍,水白心裡其實不願意在青青家裡留宿的,青青說:「我這裡房間多得是,你若想住這一間,你就住這,不願意的話還可以到別的房間看看。」水白說:「實在不好意思打攪你,我想我還是回去的好。」青青說:「你這麼客氣我不喜歡。你住我家,明天我們可以一起去爬山。」水白覺得再推辭下去就顯得自己不禮貌了,水白說:「那我就睡這沙發床吧。」
臨睡的時候,水白去了一趟廁所。客廳很昏暗,水白想起青青說她這裡的房間多得是,水白忍不住眼睛在客廳裡掃視一圈,感覺也有很多門在黑暗中,只是不知青青在那一道門裡邊,艾子又在那一道門裡邊。
水白把房間的門輕輕關好,諾大一個空間裡就剩水白一個人了。水白看看沙發床,又看看黑色的梳妝台,感覺自己似乎面臨兩種誘惑。但水白幾乎想也沒想,就直接向梳妝台走去。她在軟椅上坐下來,就看見了橢圓型的鏡子中的自己,不禁有點吃驚。
水白其實每天都會在鏡子裡面對自己的,但現在面對這扇梳妝鏡的水白似乎已不是平常的水白。水白看見鏡子中的那個人抬手摸了摸自己的臉,又放下了。過一會兒鏡子中那個人拿起了梳子開始梳頭髮,而且把頭髮都梳到前面來,遮住了半邊臉。水白看著梳子在頭髮上不斷地上上下下運動,水白想,頭髮已經很齊整了,為什麼梳子還在不停地梳。
水白猛然醒悟過來,恍然覺得這是不是青青故意安排的,青青就想把自己安置到這樣一個房間裡。水白環顧四周,心想說不定什麼地方有攝像頭此時正窺探著自己的一舉一動,但除了天花板上花環狀的白燈,牆壁上什麼也沒有。水白又站起來走到門邊,門上也沒有窺孔。水白很想開了門看看,又覺得不妥,而且心裡也有點害怕。
水白又重新坐回梳妝台,這一次她認真地看了梳妝台上擺放的各樣化妝用具,大部分自己都是用過的,也有不知道怎麼用的。
水白看了看鏡中的自己,似乎熟悉了些。然後她開始給自己化妝,從眉毛開始到眼睛到嘴唇,幾乎把梳妝台上的所有化妝用具都用了一遍。她站起來遠遠地看了一下效果,感覺著遠看比近看美,可是近看的時候,又發現比遠看臉上顯得光亮得多。
水白正著身子看,又側了臉看,她想挑剔一下自己,又似乎沒什麼可挑剔的。水白想每個人對於自己大概都是如此,無論怎麼醜陋的,也能在鏡子裡發現自己其實也有美麗的時候。
水白在軟皮的凳子上安安靜靜地坐著,就那樣看著鏡子中的人,像看一道風景一樣,所不同的是,水白專注的看與這道風景本身的美麗與否無關。
後來水白覺得疲憊了,就在沙發床上躺下睡著了,房間裡的燈應該是一夜開著的。那鏡子裡的人似乎也還是一夜都在,濃濃的妝,眼睛炯炯地。
(12)
第二天水白起來打開門到了客廳,青青和艾子都起來了,青青正在忙著擺放碗筷,早飯都做好了。青青一看見水白,臉上就起了微笑說:「昨晚睡得好麼?」說著又走到水白身邊摟著水白的腰在她臉上親了一下。
水白感覺迷迷糊糊地好像還沒完全醒過來,又有點覺得不好意思。青青說:「快去洗臉吧,等你吃飯。」水白就轉身向洗手間走去,走進了才發現艾子不知什麼時候已跑到洗手間門口,岔開雙腿和雙手把門口擋住。
水白說:「艾子,你要做什麼,讓我進去洗臉。」
艾子翻著白眼仰著頭看著天花板,水白又說:「艾子乖,讓姐姐進去。」艾子低頭就朝水白呸了一聲,水白以為她又要吐口水了,閃了一下身,艾子卻沒有吐出口水來。
青青聽見聲音過來了,拉了艾子的胳膊說:「又搗鼓姐姐了,乖,坐飯桌邊去,一會兒吃飯了。」艾子一甩母親的手很快跑開了。青青又摟摟水白的肩說:「快去,等你出來。」水白諾諾地不知該說什麼,只是覺得很不習慣青青這樣的柔情蜜意。
把洗手間的門關了,水白才猛然想起自己昨晚化的妝還沒卸掉,她一下撲到洗手池邊,鏡子裡的水白一點化過妝的痕跡都沒有,全然就是平常的素面朝天的水白。水白努力地回想昨晚睡前的那一斷時間,感覺自己好像沒有卸妝就困得躺下的。水白想了好一會兒,覺得越想越複雜,懷疑自己是做夢了。
洗簌完出了洗手間,青青拍拍自己身邊的凳子說:「快過來吃飯。」青青看起來心情很好,水白感覺她看到自己眼睛就發亮,整個人也隨之精神洋溢。水白不由得感到隱隱的慚愧,因為她明白自己對青青不可能有這樣的深情。
稀飯也都已經盛好了,青青用乾淨的筷子給水白夾了干魚片,不過很快艾子的筷子就伸過來把水白碗裡的魚片夾走了。青青柔聲看著艾子說:「艾子不許這樣對姐姐。」其實青青已經給艾子的碗裡夾了各樣菜了。
水白倒覺得過意不去,說:「我自己來吧。」
青青說:「這魚片國內買不到的,聽說滋陰補陽,你多吃點。」說著又重新夾了幾片到水白的碗裡。水白說:「夠了,我自己來,你也吃。」
水白扒拉了幾口,不經意抬頭,發現青青正看著自己微笑。青青說:「好久沒有吃過這樣的飯了,看著你吃就覺得很滿足。」水白懷疑青青的丈夫大概不常回家,難得有享受天倫之樂的機會,所以現在看著一個陌生人吃飯都覺得滿足。
水白自己感覺臉紅了一陣又一陣,又想到這樣紅著被青青看了去,更是覺得羞愧難當。青青似乎倒不覺得異樣,除了給艾子夾菜,就是微笑著眼睛閃閃發亮地看著水白吃。水白想起自己的初戀的時候,跟喜歡的那個男孩子一起出去吃飯,臉似乎也是這樣一陣紅一陣的。但那時臉紅是因為自己喜歡那個男孩子,害怕自己出醜,在青青面前臉紅卻完全是另一回事。
(13)
下午爬山,艾子在前面,青青拉著水白的手緩緩跟在後面。兩個人閒閒地說一些話,但即使兩個人都不說話的時候,青青也不時轉頭看水白,眼睛盈盈的,旁若無物。水白還是覺得自己不能習慣青青這樣的親暱,盡力不去接青青的目光。有時候青青走累了,會停下腳步,水白也停下腳步,青青攬著水白的肩,用手去拂水白垂在眼前的頭髮,水白低著眉眼,不敢看她。
青青說:「怎麼不看我呢?」臉上淺笑著。
水白臉紅紅地轉過頭去。
青青說:「你真是很害羞的孩子呢。」
水白說:「我不是孩子。」
青青說:「在我心裡就是孩子了。」
爬了一些時候,青青說累了,就在路邊的亭子坐下來。亭子中間有一根碗大的木頭柱子,艾子一隻手拉在柱子上,繞著柱子不停地轉,轉了十幾圈了,也不停下來,看得水白都暈了。水白說:「艾子,你不暈麼,快停下歇歇。」艾子還是那樣轉著,似乎也沒聽見水白的叫聲。
青青說:「山上的空氣就是好。」
水白附和道:「是不錯。」
水白驀然想起一個問題來,跟青青說:「前幾天有個男同學跟我說,她女朋友性冷淡,不知道該怎麼辦好。」青青哦一聲說:「有這麼回事?」水白說:「是。」
青青說:「水,你相信有真正性冷淡的女人麼?」
水白說:「大概有吧,因為身體或心理的障礙。」
青青說:「水,沒有真正性冷淡的女人,只有深藏的未被挑逗的激情。」
水白想了一會兒說:「怎麼解釋?」
青青說:「好比地底的水,有些從石縫裡流出,有些並沒有流出來,人們就說可能是因為碰到了阻礙或者那個地方沒有水。其實水無處不在,只是還沒有讓我們看見。」
青青又說:「就拿我來說,只要你看著我,我可以為你做任何事情,倘若我現在還沒有做什麼,那是因為你還沒有看著我。」
水白說:「怎麼會呢?」
水白說怎麼會的時候,自己也覺得這樣的話有點含糊,究竟是指青青怎麼會為自己做任何事情呢,還是說自己怎麼會沒有看著青青,水白也不知道自己到底指的是那層意思。
水白問青青:「你為什麼可以為我做任何事情呢?」
青青看著水白說:「因為你看著我呀,對於我來說,你看著我就足夠了,但有些人,她們可能覺得光看著她們是不夠的,還需要做別的事情。」
水白還是有點疑惑,但似乎也明白了些。水白倒是覺得,其實自己也不用怎麼看著青青,青青就可以做任何事情。水白想起小孩子,可以不管大人是不是在留心他,也可以玩得很開心,但青青自然跟小孩子不同。
(14)
臨別的時候,青青拉著水白的手問:「什麼時候來看我?」水白支吾著不知怎麼回答,青青又說:「要給我打電話。」水白說:「會的。」水白轉身要走,青青又拉住她說:「等等。」水白站在原地,青青說:「你衣服上有根頭髮,好了,走吧。」水白忍不住說:「謝謝。」青青拍拍水白的臉頰說:「不許說這樣的話。」水白臉又紅了。
回到家,水白第一個衝到洗澡間,洗了澡,換了衣服,她感覺自己從很遠的地方歸來,風塵僕僕。直到把換下的衣服都洗了,水白才放心地在凳子上坐下來。水白隨手拿了一本雜誌翻開,一眼就看見一張大大的攝影作品,照片是在街頭拍的,是一個低頭理著自己貨物在路邊擺攤的人。照片看起來很寧靜,或者說大街的喧鬧跟這個低頭的做小買賣的商人沒有關係,沒有眼光注意到商人此時的動作。
水白撥了青青的電話。青青接起電話說:「我剛才正想著什麼時候我才能不被你看見。」水白不由愣了一下,水白說:「我現在不就看不見你麼?」青青說:「你以為你看不見,其實你的眼睛已經在我心裡了。」
水白看著手裡的那幅攝影作品說:「我也正想問你一個問題,你說一個人有眼睛看著跟沒有眼睛看著有什麼區別呢?」青青說:「人只有兩種狀態,要不暫時忘卻那看著自己的眼睛,要不迎接著那看著自己的眼睛。」水白說:「那有什麼區別呢?」青青說:「可以說沒有區別,只是對那看的眼睛有無自覺意識罷了,但人是要被看著的。」
水白心裡想說:「我倒不覺得自己有被誰看著。」不過她又想起昨天晚上的事情,自己看著鏡子中的那個人,水白就沒說了。
水白對青青說:「我對你瞭解不多,你對我也瞭解不多,我們其實彼此都還很陌生,我不明白你為什麼可以對我這麼親暱。」
青青低低地笑了一聲說:「你覺得愛一個人非得要彼此瞭解很深很透徹嗎?」
水白說:「按理說瞭解一個人越多,愛得也越深。」
青青說:「愛首先是感覺,其次才是關係。但在你心裡,愛首先是關係,其次才是自己的感覺。」
水白一時想不起該說什麼,青青又說:「你什麼時候能來看我呢?」
水白說:「大概要過一些時候,這幾個星期都沒有空。」
青青說:「我會想你的,你也要想我。」
水白說:「應該會吧。」
這時電話裡有砰的一聲,好像是青青旁邊的凳子倒地上了。只聽青青遠離了話筒說:「艾子,你又調皮了。」不過很快青青又對準了話筒對水白說:「我希望你早點來。」水白說:「盡量吧。」青青又說:「我現在晚上睡覺的時候抱著枕頭,感覺是抱著你,反正你離我不遠。」
水白支支吾吾地又不知道說什麼,轉念一想,也許青青也並不需要自己說什麼,她說了,而水白也聽見了,這就足夠了。快放下電話的時候,青青說:「水,你告訴我一個你從沒告訴過別人的秘密吧。」水白想了想說:「我在7歲的時候把死去的家狗埋梨樹下了,家裡人只知道狗死了,卻一直找不到屍體。」
(15)
幾個星期之後,水白又到江邊的那個小島辦差,她又走了上次看見梳發女子的那條路,但這一次在那石階上一個人也沒有。水白在島上唯一的一所小學門口經過,學校門前的石板空地上,有小學生在踢足球,水白經過的時候光看著那個被踢來踢去的足球,感覺它隨時可能擊中自己。
辦完公事,水白決定不走原路回去,而是走了另外一條比較僻靜的路,因為島很小,水白不擔心會迷路,反正總是能找到橋回陸地的。水白一路只仰臉看著路兩邊高大的樹木,一不留神,她發現自己又回到了島上唯一的一所小學校門口。校門前的石板地上竟然一個人沒有,剛才那些熱鬧地踢著足球的小學生已經無影無蹤。水白猜想大概上課了吧。
水白在校門口石板空地上的一個石墩上坐了一會兒,也沒見到一個人經過。她看看四周,發現自己四圍有通向四面的路,水白想是否島上的每一條小巷最終都通向這所小學校。
晚上臨睡前,水白給青青打了個電話。水白聽見那邊電話接起來了,卻許久沒有聲音。水白又喂了一聲,話筒裡又安靜了一會兒,然後水白聽見青青的聲音:「你不說話我也知道是你,而我不出聲,你卻不知道是我。」水白含糊地說:「我沒有你那樣的直覺。」青青說:「與直覺無關,不過是盼望的心的敏感而已。」水白過了好一會兒才說:「週末我去看你。」青青說:「好,你來。」
距離週末還有幾天,水白先去修理頭髮。水白的頭髮已經及肩了,水白對理髮師說:「不要剪斷,末端修整一下就可以了。」理髮師說:「小姐的頭髮不錯,好好護理可以很漂亮的。」水白閉著眼睛沒看鏡子中的自己,也沒回答理髮師。對水白來說,只要保持頭髮乾淨和柔順,出門就沒問題。
修了頭髮,水白又去百貨女衣層轉了一圈,買了一件針織上衣和一條杏色的紗裙。水白想這樣應該足夠了。
一切準備好了,水白出了門,在公交站台等車的時候,水白突然想起自己還穿著休閒時穿的平底鞋。水白立即掉頭回到自己住的地方換了一雙尖底的高跟鞋,鞋跟很細,水白在鞋跟加了軟墊,這樣走在水泥地上,就不會有清脆的踢嗒聲了。
在公交車上坐著的時候,水白想自己是否太把這樣的一次見面當回事了,彷彿是一次鄭重的與男友的約會。但激動的心情是沒有,水白看著公交車上上下下的男女,看男的時候,水白光看他們穿著的上衣衣領,看女的時候,水白注意著她們的手腕有否帶好看的手鏈。
快下車的時候,公交車上來一個穿黃色體恤的男人,水白髮現這個男人一看見她,就一直盯著她,並朝她走過來。水白也看著他,感覺似乎面善,水白努力回想是否跟這個男人認識,不過腦子裡一點印象沒有,她還是看著他,等他過來與自己相認。黃色體恤的男人看著她走到她面前,然後從她身邊過去。
水白沒有掉頭再看她,並且相信這個黃色體恤的男人也不會再轉頭看她。水白把眼睛轉向窗外,看見一個站在馬路邊搔首弄姿的女子,黃色的鮮亮的頭髮,捲曲的,披散在兩肩。水白看見這個女子旁邊還有一個小男孩在玩手中的玩具車,似乎是這女子的孩子,似乎又不是。
(16)
下了公共汽車,水白幾乎沒怎麼留心自己的腳步,就到了青青的家。在樓梯拐彎的地方,水白就看見了青青家的防盜門開著,裡面的一道木門則虛掩著。水白覺得有點奇怪,心想是不是青青已經等著自己來了。
水白摁了一下門鈴,等了好些時候,也沒人出來,水白又用手指敲敲木門,又等了一會兒,還是沒人出來開門。水白想青青和艾子是否都在自己的房間裡,所以聽不見門鈴和敲門聲。水白猶豫了一下,還是輕輕推開門,走了進去。
客廳的燈亮著,沒有人。水白叫了一聲:「青青。」沒有人應,水白又叫了一聲:「艾子。」還是沒人應。客廳甚至還有點回音。水白髮現,客廳通向其他四個房間的門只有一道是開著的,就在自己左邊,也就是水白住過的那個房間,其他三道門都緊緊關閉。
水白一轉彎,就進了燈火通明的自己住過的那個房間。一進門,水白就在與自己面對的牆上看見了自己,不由得停下腳步。房間裡空空蕩蕩,什麼也沒有,三面牆上都安裝了高高的鏡子,水白往左邊看,看見了孤立地站著的自己,往右邊看,也是有著迷茫的神色的自己,往前看,還是自己。
水白站在原地一動不敢動,想趕快退出這個房間,感覺雙腳鉛塊似的沉重。就在這時,門口有響聲,是青青和艾子回來了。水白一個踉蹌出了房間,與進來的艾子撞個正著。水白連聲道歉:「對不起,對不起。」艾子一個甩手,就把手裡正吃著的冰激凌扔到水白的臉上。
只聽青青說:「艾子,怎麼又欺負姐姐。」水白一邊用手擦臉上的奶油,一邊看著青青尷尬地笑著說:「我以為你們在家,所以就進來了。」青青說:「我和艾子出去買點東西,門是特意為你開的。」
不過一會兒,青青已經拿了毛巾出來,給水白擦臉上和胸前的冰激凌,艾子則一屁股坐在沙發上,打開了電視看。
Qingqing said, "Every time you come, Aizi causes trouble. I apologize." She then kissed Shuibai on the cheek. Shuibai quickly replied, "It's nothing, just kids playing around." Qingqing said, "Shuibai looks very pretty today." Shuibai lowered her head shyly. Qingqing then lifted her chin to look at her more closely, making Shuibai even more embarrassed. Qingqing said, "You're so shy, it's like you're never even daring to look at yourself."
Qingqing took Shuibai's hand and led her to the sofa in front of the television. Qingqing said to Aizi, "Watch TV with your sister for a while." Then she went into the kitchen. Aizi hadn't looked at Shuibai at all, but after Qingqing turned and left, Aizi turned and glared at Shuibai. Shuibai ignored her glare and said gently, "What kind of shows does Aizi like to watch?"
Ai Zi stared at the TV without saying a word, holding the TV remote in one hand. Every now and then, she would raise the remote to change the channel, while giving Shui Bai a slight sidelong glance. She kept changing channels like this. Shui Bai gradually felt annoyed by her glares and wanted to get up to find Qing Qing, but Qing Qing had already come out of the kitchen with two plates of fruit, so Shui Bai had no choice but to sit down on the sofa again.
(17)
Shui Bai asked Qing Qing, "Why did you change your room again?" Qing Qing put a slice of watermelon in her mouth, chewed it, and smiled, saying, "Do you like it? I've turned it into a gym now." Qing Qing put down the toothpick in her hand, took Shui Bai's hand, and said, "Come on, let me show you."
Shui Bai remained seated, then declined, saying, "I've already seen it." Qing Qing looked into Shui Bai's eyes and said, "What's wrong? Are you scared?" Shui Bai quickly explained, "No, why would I be scared?" Qing Qing smiled and said, "That's it then. Come, follow me." Shui Bai had no choice but to get up and follow Qing Qing into the room.
Qingqing said, "You see, as long as we don't turn around and leave this room, wherever we go, we're actually heading back to ourselves." Shuibai tried her best to keep her head down and avoid looking in the mirror. Qingqing noticed this and lifted Shuibai's head with one finger, saying, "Look, are you afraid of yourself?"
Shui Bai forced herself to lift her eyes, but she only looked at Qing Qing in the mirror, not herself. Qing Qing looked at Shui Bai in the mirror and said, "Don't look at me, look at yourself." These words made Shui Bai lower her head again.
"Let me teach you to dance," Qingqing said. She put her arm around Shuibai's waist, and Shuibai hesitated before placing her left hand on Qingqing's shoulder. There was no music, but the two moved in perfect harmony, which Shuibai found strange. Shuibai's head rested against Qingqing's shoulder, her eyes fixed on Qingqing's back in the mirror, but slowly, she also saw herself.
The dance steps had somehow shifted from a slow waltz to a medium waltz. Shui Bai could only see herself spinning continuously. She could clearly see the person in the mirror: head tilted back slightly, one hand in Qing Qing's, the other softly resting on Qing Qing's shoulder. In her daze, Shui Bai felt as if that person had floated up, like a leaf that never touched the ground.
Shui Bai heard Qing Qing say, "Do you think what you're seeing isn't yourself? She is you, or your shadow." Shui Bai said, "I don't think she is me." Qing Qing said, "Shui, why don't you want her to be you?" Shui Bai froze, not knowing how to answer.
Qingqing offered to walk Shuibai downstairs, but Shuibai insisted that she not let her. Shuibai said, "I can go back by myself, so you don't have to climb the stairs later." Qingqing said, "I'm happy to walk you, so you'd better not refuse." Shuibai didn't say anything more.
Shui Bai held up her skirt with both hands, afraid she would trip and fall, while Qing Qing had one arm around Shui Bai's waist. Qing Qing said, "Shui, I'm afraid I'll miss you even more in the days to come." Shui Bai asked, "Why?" Qing Qing said, "Because you're closer to me now." Shui Bai didn't quite understand, but felt there was no point in asking further, so she said, "I'll come to see you again."
Having already descended the stairs, Shui Bai had a question in her mind and asked Qing Qing, "What do you mean by 'mirror'?" Qing Qing reached out and ruffled Shui Bai's hair, saying, "Nothing, just a kind of atmosphere we need." Shui Bai watched as a cat darted away in the flowerbeds in the distance and disappeared, thinking that it must be a stray cat at this late hour.
Qingqing escorted Shuibai to the roadside, watching her get into a taxi. Shuibai leaned out of the window and said, "Qingqing, you can go back now." Qingqing stood there, smiling at Shuibai. The taxi had already started moving when Shuibai suddenly remembered something and raised her voice to ask Qingqing, "Qingqing, what did you say the room was?" Qingqing remained standing there, her white dress disheveled by the wind. Qingqing said in a calm voice, "Each person can sleep on their own bed or at their own grave."
(18)
While strolling down the street on the weekend, Shui Bai suddenly felt like calling Qing Qing. Shui Bai turned into a quiet street with few cars and pedestrians and dialed Qing Qing's home number. A man answered the phone; his voice was deep. Shui Bai was a little stunned, never expecting it to be a man.
Shui Bai asked, "Is Qingqing there?" The person on the other end replied, "Qingqing, there's no such person." The phone rang loudly before hanging up. Shui Bai was a little confused. She checked Qingqing's number in her phone book again, making sure she hadn't dialed the wrong number, and dialed again. This time, a woman answered. She said, "Qingqing, no one in our family has that name." Shui Bai hurriedly hung up. She remembered that Qingqing had a cell phone, so she found her number and dialed it. Soon, Shui Bai heard a mechanical female voice say, "This number is currently unavailable."
Shui Bai was still unwilling to accept it, thinking that how could someone disappear so quickly? She hailed a taxi and headed to Qing Qing's house. After getting out of the car, Shui Bai felt that even with her eyes closed, she could still find Qing Qing's house. She half-ran upstairs, and when she reached Qing Qing's door, Shui Bai paused to catch her breath before ringing the doorbell.
A few minutes later, someone opened the door. It was a young woman with long, curly brown hair that fell to her shoulders and chest. She asked politely, "Who are you looking for?" Shui Bai's heart pounded, and she didn't understand why she was so nervous. Shui Bai said, "A woman named Qingqing lived in this house last week. Do you know her?" The young woman paused for a moment, then seemed to come to her senses and said, "Oh, you might be looking for the previous owner. I'm sorry, I just moved in yesterday." Shui Bai wanted to ask more, but seeing the woman's confused look, she could only say, "I'm sorry to bother you."
Shui Bai lost interest in shopping and took the bus home. As soon as she got home, Shui Bai stood in front of the mirror and carefully examined her expression. Her face was a little rosy and her eyes were still bright, but Shui Bai couldn't help but wonder if something was wrong with her.
After pacing around the room a few times, Shui Bai suddenly remembered the shirt that Qing Qing had been hugging for a month in the closet. She opened the closet, took the shirt off the hanger, and smelled it. The jasmine scent was still faintly present, but after smelling it for a while, Shui Bai wondered if it was just her imagination.
She sat down on the sofa, clutching her shirt, completely bewildered. She felt as if someone had appeared out of nowhere and then vanished just as inexplicably, leaving no trace. She didn't know how to remember. Images of a pink bed surrounded by candlelight, a black dressing table, and an empty room with three mirrors flashed through Shui Bai's mind—it seemed there was nothing else.
For a long time, Shui Bai kept that shirt in her bed. Since winter had arrived, she was too lazy to take it out and put it back in the closet. The jasmine scent should have faded, but Shui Bai could still vaguely smell a scent in the shirt that didn't belong to her.
About a month later, Shui Bai received a phone call. Her heart skipped a beat when she heard the voice. It was Qing Qing. Her voice was still so gentle, as if from another world. Qing Qing said, "Shui, did you miss me?" Shui Bai asked, "Where are you now?" Qing Qing replied, "I'm abroad. I probably won't see you for a long time."
(over)

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