Beijing Story 2

Finally, one day, I was told I could be released. It was a truly inexplicable arrest, and an inexplicable release.
As Liu Zheng, the lawyer, and I walked out of the police station, I saw Lan Yu standing some distance away by the car. Perhaps because of the summer, he looked particularly dark and thin. When we looked at each other, he scrutinized me, as if trying to find something missing. We didn't say a word, but Lan Yu's eyes remained fixed on my face. Lan Yu and I sat in the back of the car, while Liu Zheng drove. I looked out the window. I was free again. I was alive, back in this familiar city… Suddenly, I felt a gentle touch on my hand. It was Lan Yu. He hesitated before placing his hand in mine. I looked at him; his gaze was firm and resolute, his bright eyes filled with affection. I held his hand tightly. The two men's hands were clasped together so tightly. I felt a sharp pain, and he must have felt pain too, but neither of us let go. Instead, we held on even tighter…
Liu Zheng drove to my house. Lan Yu said he was waiting for us in the car. Before Liu Zheng and I even entered the house, my mother was already waiting at the door. When I reached her, she grabbed my arm tightly with both hands and burst into tears. I helped her up, trying to calm myself
down: “It’s alright! Mom! What’s wrong? Everything’s fine!” My voice choked with emotion.
My mom cried even harder...
My sisters and Liu Zheng came over to comfort her, and she finally stopped crying. At home, I watched my mom gradually smile, and I started to worry about Lan Yu in the car. What helplessness! In this life-or-death situation, the only two people I could think of were not by my side at the same time. I lied to my mom, saying I had some important things to take care of at the company, and then came out with Liu Zheng.
"Why are you out so soon? Is Mom feeling better?" Lan Yu asked with concern.
"She's fine! She's happy to see me," I said with a smile.
"Where are you going? I'll give you a ride," Liu Zheng asked.
"Are you hungry? Let's go eat! It's my treat," Lan Yu suggested.
"I'll treat, as a celebration of Han Dong's safe return," Liu Zheng said.
"I want to take a shower first, and I don't want to eat out!" I hate eating at restaurants, even though I haven't had any meat or oil in months.
"How about my place?" Liu Zheng suggested.
We decided to go to Liu Zheng's house. It was a men's gathering, and the room quickly filled with the smell of alcohol and thick smoke, accompanied by occasional curses. I was the first to get drunk, and Liu Zheng was also a little tipsy. Lan Yu hadn't drunk much that day, and he seemed quite happy, listening to Liu Zheng and me rant about the injustice of the world.
"Liu Zheng! I want to toast you! I want to repay you! We're friends in need, and I must repay you!" I blurted out my true feelings, fueled by the alcohol. To help me get out, Liu Zheng had used all his savings of 300,000 yuan; this was truly going to great lengths for a friend.
"Don't mention it. As long as you get out, it wasn't all for nothing," Liu Zheng said, clinking glasses with me.
I turned to look at Lan Yu, who listened silently and with great interest to our rambling.
"Thanks for that note, I couldn't stand staying in that godforsaken place anymore!"
He smiled nonchalantly: "Cheers!" he said, raising his glass to me…
The case finally came to a conclusion. Due to insufficient evidence, the charges against me were dropped, but because the company had many financial problems, such as tax evasion, it was fined a huge sum, and the remaining assets were returned. I was very satisfied with this outcome. Although it severely damaged my spirit, I could still make a comeback.
It was a calamity in my life; I escaped by chance, but I also learned a lot from it. It changed my philosophy of life, and I began to live a more peaceful and natural life.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
In Lan Yu's little house, I lay in his arms. He looked me over and kissed me from time to time.
"Have I changed a lot this time?" I asked, pointing to my appearance after my release from prison.
"Not much, just thinner."
"I thought you'd forgotten me!" I said.
"I was afraid you might do something rash. I remember when I received the fax, all the company leaders talked to me, and the security department made me write a report, even detailing everything… I was really worried about you." He wasn't good at expressing himself, but I understood!
I rolled over and hugged him, carefully observing him. He really was very different from when I first met him; there was a maturity in his eyes. Before, his eyes held unease and suspicion when he looked at me, but now, they were confident and open. He was slightly thinner than when we met again. Why? Did being with me cause him pain?
I lowered my head and pressed my moist lips to his eyebrows, eyes, and nose, then slowly slid them to his lips, gently licking them. He responded with his tongue. I lowered my head even further, and we kissed passionately… I looked up at him, my hand gently stroking his hair:
“Tell me, why did you only write the character ‘Yu’ on the note you gave me?” I asked.
He smiled but didn’t answer.
“You want me to repay your debt. How do you plan to do it?”
“You figure it out yourself!” he said with a smile.
I looked at him. Why wouldn’t he tell me he loved me? I could only rely on my feelings. But that was enough; it excited me more than a thousand sweet words.
"I want you! Unless I die, we'll stay like this forever, okay?" I asked, staring intently into his eyes.
He smiled easily again: "What if we get old?" he asked.
"Unless you think I'm too old!" I said.
He still smiled. His smile left me helpless and somewhat disappointed.
He must have noticed my dejected expression; he leaned in and kissed me again:
"You're like a drug. You know you can't take it, that it will ruin my life, but you still took it." He said with a smile.
Good heavens! We had both seen each other as drugs. I didn't say anything.
"Then what will you do if you get addicted again?" I asked him, trying to sound casual.
"Wait until next time to quit!" he said. I didn't understand.
"When are you planning to quit drugs again?" I guessed he was hinting at an eventual breakup.
"When you get married again, or find someone else," he said, still smiling, relaxed, and nonchalant.
Looking at his smile and listening to his words, the feeling was indescribable. He completely distrusted me, yet he was with me without hesitation…
"Can you still go abroad this year?" I tried to change the subject, asking about his plans to go abroad.
"It's long gone!"
"He left?" I asked.
"Yeah."
"Then you two broke up?"
"…" He didn't answer.
"He must know a lot about us, right?" I asked.
"He knows nothing. I've never told him." I was surprised and couldn't understand.
“I haven’t told anyone about us,” he said again.
“Why?”
“I don’t want anyone to share.”
…
I could only sit there, staring at him in silence.
We've known each other for over seven years. I knew he was very sentimental, but I never imagined he could be so devoted!
That night, we made love passionately. Lan Yu was incredibly excited, wildly enjoying the pleasures of sex. I was excited too, but I was very careful, afraid he would melt in my arms. I barely slept that night; he slept soundly in my arms. I thought about my life, my career, my mother, and the days and nights in prison. I vowed to myself that unless Lan Yu grew tired of this life, I would stay by his side. In
the morning, as the sun rose in the east, we went about our business again. I took Lan Yu to his workplace and then went back to my company to clean up my mess. It felt like I was back in the startup phase—difficult, but fulfilling. I had already canceled my long-term hotel reservations and sold the houses in the "Temporary Village" and "Sports Village" because I needed cash flow. Aside from occasionally visiting my mother, I practically lived in "Qinghe," Lan Yu's little house. I jokingly called it being a refugee I came to him after falling on hard times.
He was very busy with work; his Japanese boss was particularly harsh. He always told me how corrupt these foreign bosses were, and that he wanted to be Hitler and wipe out all the Japanese. I said he was an extreme nationalist, and he agreed. But he was doing very well. The other day, he happily told me his boss had given him a raise, so we went to a restaurant, and I ripped him off.
Lan Yu never talked about the past, much less the future; he didn't believe in the future. We are very happy now. That day, I waited for him at the entrance of his company. A pretty girl came out with him, chatting and laughing. When Lan Yu got into my car, I teased him with a smile.
"You're something else! You hooked up with such a pretty girl!"
"She's always chasing after me," he said smugly. I could imagine.
"Why don't you just go with the flow and make it happen?"
He looked at me suspiciously, then glanced at me contemptuously: "Wouldn't that be hurting her?"
I realized I'd let something slip: "Just kidding! I thought you liked that girl!" I had to find a way to save face.
"I won't! I'll never get married! I can't understand why most of us end up getting married; it's meaningless and immoral," he said.
"Hmph!" I gave a dry laugh.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I stayed with Lan Yu, and he covered most of my expenses, except for eating out. We both avoided talking about money; it was a knot in Lan Yu's heart, and mine too. I often think that if our meeting hadn't been so unusual, we would have been happier.
One day, Lanyu told me that the landlord didn't want to rent the room to him next year.
"Is he planning to raise the rent?" I asked.
"I asked, and he said it's because the landlord might be coming back next year."
"Then let's rent another place," I said.
"It's so hard to find a place!"
I thought for a moment, then cautiously asked, "How about we go back to 'Nordic' to live?"
He didn't answer, continuing to make his fried rice.
I handed him the salt, carefully observing his expression; he was definitely unhappy.
"Fine, if you really don't like that house, I'll sell it. I really need the funds right now."
He still didn't answer.
"Do you agree?" I asked.
He turned off the gas and looked at me with a smile:
"I've already sold it!" he said casually.
I was speechless with surprise.
"Didn't you say you'd give it to me? Did you change your mind?" he asked, as if deliberately teasing me.
"Who did you sell it to? How much? For how much?"
"A real estate guy in Shenzhen, three hundred and eighty thousand US dollars," he said, observing me.
"..."
"Didn't you tell me that if I didn't like it, I'd buy it? I listened to you," he laughed nonchalantly.
I smiled stiffly too: "You love me that much?"
"That's right!" he smiled again, and at the same time, he reached his hand inside my shirt, making me shiver.
I didn't ask him what he would do with the money, or what his plans were.
...
Regarding this unexpected news, I didn't know whether to be happy or worried.
Money! Jingping once said that I valued money too much. Indeed, since I learned that Lan Yu had accepted that fortune, I felt that we were equals. I didn't need to be as cautious with him as before, and I no longer felt guilty.
On Sunday morning, while I was still fast asleep, I felt someone constantly touching my body, especially rubbing my penis repeatedly. "That stinky Lan Yu, so annoying!" I cursed inwardly, still pretending to be asleep, to see what he would do. He pulled back my blanket and licked my body, then seemed to be carefully studying my body, even examining my genitals closely. I couldn't help but laugh and shouted:
"What are you doing?" He was startled, then pounced into my arms.
"I've never really studied you properly before!" he said with a smile.
“Do you think I’m a blueprint?! Do I need all this research?” I laughed too.
“Ha! I was wondering why we’re usually about the same size, but you’re bigger than me then,” he laughed even harder, pressing down on me.
“Mine is bigger normally!”
“No!”
“If you don’t believe me, measure it with a ruler!” I said.
He did go find a ruler, and when he saw my “thing,”
he said: “This can’t be measured, it’s not normal at all!” he laughed.
I looked at him, suddenly stood up and hugged him: “Let me measure you!” I said.
“With what?” he asked.
“With my mouth!” I said. He smiled, so sweetly, so lovably.
I began to give him oral sex, I was intoxicated, so infatuated with him, unable to extricate myself. I stopped, reached out and gripped his chin
tightly: "Do you love me?!" I asked him sternly.
He must have been uncomfortable with my grip; he frowned at first, looked at me, and slowly, under my gaze, he became agitated, nodding vigorously.
"Say it!! Let me hear it!" I released my grip, demanding in a gruff voice.
"..." He looked at me, but remained silent.
"I love you! I really love you!!" I gripped his chin again, uttering my heartfelt confession.
He pulled his hand away from mine and laughed.
Damn it! I hated his laugh. Since we reunited, I couldn't figure out how deep his feelings for me were. He always laughed so nonchalantly… I lowered my head and abruptly silenced his speech with my lips. Why did I force him to say it? He didn't like lying. We kissed, passionately kissing and rolling around on the bed... After we
'd kissed enough, I gave him oral sex again... Just as he was about to ejaculate, he called my name, but I continued to greedily perform oral sex on him... He climaxed, and I felt a surge of hot liquid rush to my throat. I quickly pulled away...
Lan Yu looked at me in surprise: "How did you swallow that?"
“What’s wrong with that? It’s nutritious, you should try some.” I said, wiping the remaining bits of food off his body and putting them in his mouth.
He laughed and tried to dodge, but couldn’t avoid it in time, and I smeared it all over his mouth. He frowned, tasted it, and said, “Like milk… with fish soup?”
We both laughed at each other, then jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom…
Chapter Thirty
It was a warm and sunny weekend. Lan Yu suggested going out, but I was a little sleepy, though I went with him anyway. He drove, and we wanted to find a secluded place to play.
“Cheer up!” he said, looking at me as I yawned.
"Don't you know I'm getting old? Sing me a song, let it cheer me up!"
"What should I sing?" he wondered...
"Our ranks march towards the sun, our feet treading on the land of our motherland..." he began to sing happily.
"Bearing the hopes of the nation, we are an invincible force..." I sang along with him joyfully.
"...Forward, forward, our ranks march towards the sun, towards the victory of the revolution, towards the liberation of the whole country!!" We sang loudly, joyfully, and unrestrainedly... and then burst into laughter.
We arrived at a mountain west of Beijing. It was a secluded place, and no one would disturb us.
Lan Yu lay with his head on my lap, gazing up at the sky:
"It seems the sky in Beijing is bluer than anywhere else," he said.
"The sky in America is much bluer than this," I said.
“The moon is rounder in America than here, right?” he teased me.
“Didn’t you cry and beg to leave?” I laughed back.
“Who cried and begged? I had no choice,” he said with a smile.
“You’re not going out?” I asked.
“Unless you come with me. Shall we go together?” he looked at me earnestly.
“What if I don’t leave?”
“Then forget it! Beijing is fine too!” he said indifferently.
I vaguely heard a sound:
“It sounds like someone’s coming, get up quickly,” I said, hurriedly pushing him up.
He remained in my arms: “Look how scared you are! What’s the big deal? Come on! He definitely can’t beat me!” He smiled arrogantly.
“What if there are two of them?” I asked.
"Isn't there you?
What if there are three of us?" I asked again.
"Then we might not be a match for each other!"
"What if there are many people?" I asked him once more.
"Hmph! We'll fight to the death, even if it means mutual destruction!"
"Fine! No wonder you're a student of 'Huada,' you're arrogant enough!" I smiled and looked down at him; he smiled too.
I admired him; he possessed a courage I could never have. On his face, I saw not only the handsome features of a young man, but also a captivating power of youth.
I gazed at him, and he sat up, looking back at me. I pulled him into my arms again, and we embraced tightly… I closed my eyes and kissed him; his moist lips pressed against my face. We kissed passionately, like two lovers just meeting… It was the second time we had embraced and kissed outdoors, accompanied by the bright sunshine and the silent mountains.
…
Autumn in Beijing is cool and dry, and the sky is exceptionally blue. Leaves have already fallen to the ground, covering the bare pavement, making it appear full and abundant.
In the early morning, the warm sun shone into our little house, making up for the chill caused by the insufficient heating. Lan Yu and I both overslept. I had an important appointment and was afraid of missing it, and Lan Yu was someone who disliked being late. We hurriedly got up, washed, and then went our separate ways. Just before leaving, Lan Yu smiled and asked me to kiss him. I gave him a perfunctory kiss. I asked if I should give him a ride, but he said he'd take a taxi. We agreed I'd pick him up that evening.
I'd made it to that negotiation, and it went very well; I was going to make a fortune. My life, Chen Handong's life, was about to turn around completely.
At noon, I happily returned from the "building," only to be pulled into Liu Zheng's office by the door. He looked tense and serious.
"Sit down!" he said, pressing me down on the sofa.
"What?" I asked, puzzled.
"Handong…you need to be prepared…" he said with difficulty.
"What's wrong?" I asked loudly and nervously. Was it my mother…?
"…Lan Yu was in a car accident!"
"…" I gasped, not understanding what he meant.
"The taxi he was in collided with a truck... he died on the spot... the traffic police just called here..."
"..." My face was covered in tears, but I didn't know what to say.
"Handong! Are you alright?!" I vaguely heard Liu Zheng's distant voice. ... I felt like I was floating in a fog, light and numb. In
a
daze, I followed Liu Zheng to some kind of hospital, and then, in a daze, followed Liu Zheng and another person in a white coat into a room filled with many beds covered with white sheets... They stopped in front of one bed and opened the white sheet...
I saw it—it was a person's face, covered in blood. I smiled! I knew it was Lan Yu; wasn't he right here?! I bent down, my hands tightly encircling his shoulders. I knew them all too well; they were his arms, only today they felt strangely stiff and cold…
I looked at him with those familiar eyes, but I couldn't see those bright eyes, that straight nose, those alluring lips. There was only a blurry patch of black bloodstains… What was that? I knew it was him. I didn't need to look to know. …I gripped him tightly with all my might!
“Ah! Ah…” A sound escaped my throat, like someone struggling to be strangled. I felt someone pull me forcefully, saying, “Handong, calm down.” Get out!! You living and dead, watch!! I no longer need to hide or conceal anything. I will stay by his side!!! You can sing your love songs in public, kiss your lovers, but can't I even grieve for my dead lover?! I looked at his chest, that broad chest I had kissed and caressed countless times…
Suddenly, it felt like someone was pulling me even harder. Get out!! Are you trying to laugh at me? Laugh away!! I can't leave my lover like this. I have to hold him; he definitely needs me! I have to hold him tight, to let him melt in my hands… He's not dead! He might wake up soon; he told me to pick him up tonight!! That's right! He asked me to kiss him this morning, which he rarely does. He must be hinting at something… But I kissed him so carelessly… How could I be so stupid!! I leaned closer to his face; I wanted to finish that kiss on that bloody mess…
Finally, I was pulled up by a tremendous force, further and further away from him… I'm not reconciled!! But there was nothing I could do, nothing I could do...
Chapter
Thirty-One
Autumn in Beijing is no longer my favorite season; it's so cold and bleak, the chilly autumn wind sweeping everything away.
When I stepped into the small house called "Qinghe" again, it felt both familiar and terrifying. His water glass, left that morning, was still on the table, with some water still inside. I didn't dare touch it… I went into the room; everything of his was there, nothing was missing, but why hadn't their owner returned? The blankets on the bed were folded up. I had told him not to fold them, that I didn't have time, and he said he couldn't stand my sloppiness… I picked up the clothes he had changed out of; they no longer felt warm, but they still smelled of him. I collapsed onto the bed, burying my head in the clothes, and I cried, finally crying out loud, truly crying… The room echoed with a man's heart-wrenching sobs…
I couldn't stay at "Qinghe," and I didn't want to go back to my mother's house either; I'd been staying in the office. For the next week, I was in a daze, lost a lot of weight, and suffered from auditory hallucinations, constantly feeling that Lan Yu was calling me. I felt Lan Yu would appear before me every moment, and I would often suddenly turn around to see if some miracle would happen. My mental state was on the verge of collapse.
That day, my mother forcibly called me home. As soon as I entered the house, I greeted her and rushed to my room; I didn't want her to see me in such a distraught state. I lay on the bed, half-asleep, and after what seemed like an eternity, I heard the door open, and my mother came in and sat on the edge of my bed. I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. I felt my mother's hand on my arm, just like when I was a child, rubbing my arm up and down:
"Xiao Dong! I know you're heartbroken, but the dead can't be brought back to life." I heard my mother say, crying. Tears welled up in my eyes again, but I remained silent.
“I know about you two. Liu Zheng told me everything. If that child hadn’t died, I wouldn’t have objected to you being together,” she continued.
My tears flowed even more freely: “You’re telling me too late,” I silently thought…
Two weeks later, at Liu Zheng’s suggestion, I called Lan Yu’s father. When I told him the devastating news, I heard an old man weeping on the other end of the line…
A few days later, Lan Yu’s father called me:
…
“Didn’t he leave anything behind?” the aged voice asked.
“No, because it was an accidental car accident, too sudden. There were no last words.”
“Ah… no belongings?” he asked.
“Some clothes, books, whatever you need, I’ll send it to you.” I thought he wanted Lan Yu’s belongings as a keepsake.
“Oh…” he seemed to have something to say.
I suddenly realized he probably wanted money. I remembered Lan Yu should have had some assets, $380,000, but I found no receipts among his belongings, except for a savings account with a few thousand dollars.
I casually asked Liu Zheng, "You know Lan Yu sold the house in 'Nordic,' right?"
"Yes…" his voice sounded heavy.
"His heartless father is still thinking about the money he left behind! I don't know where he put it."
Liu Zheng looked at me in surprise: "He didn't tell you?"
"Tell you what?"
"He spent the money while you were in prison!" Liu Zheng said.
"Why didn't you tell me?!" I asked in astonishment.
"Lan Yu told me not to tell you, saying he'd surprise you if he did."
"..."
"When you first went in, we were all frantic. Lan Yu asked me every day if I had any news of you. We all thought you were dead. Later, Mom finally found 'Li,' but his mother asked for ten million!"
"Didn't you say one million?" I asked.
"That's what Lan Yu said, I never said it was a million."
"But where would we get the money? I have over 300,000 here, and the old lady has over 600,000. We couldn't borrow from anyone, not even Ai Dong and Jing Dong (my two younger sisters), they all said they had no money. Lin Jingping said she was helping, but when I actually asked her for a loan, she said she couldn't come up with the money… No wonder, everyone knows that money might just be wasted. Lan Yu was anxious and helpless. He said he'd never felt money was so important in his life. Later, he remembered the villa in 'Nordic,' it was under his name, he could sell it. I bought it in a week, including the furniture and the car, for only 380,000. But at that time, I didn't think about that much…" Liu Zheng continued.
"To be honest, I used to look down on him, but I really admire him for this. Even as a friend, he's incredibly loyal! If it's that kind of relationship, he's incredibly understanding and considerate. Even if I were in this situation, my wife might not be so anxious or risk her life for me." "
Then why did he hide it from me?" I asked, my eyes filled with tears and confusion.
"He said he just wanted to play a joke on you. I thought he or the old lady had already told you."
"My mom knew too?"
"Of course! The day I went to your house, Lan Yu was waiting for me outside, and the old lady even watched him from the window for a long time."
...
Epilogue
Three years later, I moved to Canada and bought a house in West Vancouver. I remarried. I didn't have Lan Yu's courage to face my homosexuality, and besides, the door to my emotions had long been completely closed. I couldn't love my young wife, but I did my best to be considerate and caring towards her.
I converted to Christianity. When I was baptized, I doubted whether God could accept me, a homosexual, as His lamb. Now I am His child, and I often pray to God:
Lord! Please hear the prayer of this sinful man. I loved someone, and I caused him so much pain, but he is dead, and I can never make amends. I beg you, merciful Lord, please accept him into Heaven. When he was on earth, he never harmed anyone; he was so kind and upright. The only thing he did wrong was fall in love with someone he shouldn't have loved, experiencing a love that is considered absurd, shameless, and depraved in this world, yet that love was pure, innocent, and eternal.
Father! I have one more request; please grant it. Wherever you send that boy, when I leave this world, please let me be with him. If he is in heaven, let us revel there, and then tell of our love on earth, and let me make up for what I owe him; if he is in hell, let me go there too, let me approach him, stand behind him, hold his shoulders tightly, press my arms against his back, and let us together endure the tortures and torments of hell, without regret.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen!
The weather in Vancouver is wonderful. It's late autumn, but there's no trace of autumn's desolation; most of the leaves are still green, with only a few golden leaves scattered on the green lawn. I sit in my front yard, listening to the laughter of my mother, wife, and young daughter behind me. Looking up, a sliver of sunset appeared on the horizon. In that chrysanthemum-red sunlight, I vaguely saw Lan Yu slowly walking towards me. He looked at me melancholically, then smiled softly, a smile so natural, serene, and radiant… [
End]
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