A lonely young woman's sexual experiences

I mustered the courage to write down these experiences because I want to tell men and women everywhere to be more self-disciplined, and for all couples to cherish their relationships. Because in this materialistic world, in this dazzling society, nothing is more important than love, and nothing strengthens a relationship more than a couple staying together. Where to begin my story? Just yesterday, I, a lonely young woman, met the forty-year-old man I had chatted with on QQ until the early hours of the morning. He was a driver for his boss. In the evening, as I walked out of the factory gate, a black Audi was parked there. I opened the door and sat in the front. A quick glance at his clothes told me he really was a driver; his language was crude, his laughter was hearty, and he seemed very self-important.
However, the car was comfortable enough. We quickly ate a simple dinner at a restaurant. I deliberately didn't order too much food, perhaps still harboring a sliver of pity; he was just an ordinary person. After the meal, he even asked for a receipt for the thirty-one yuan bill, which I found extremely distasteful. I asked him to take me home. Because, looking at him, I suddenly didn't want to continue with him.
He drove slowly, without saying a word. When we were about thirty meters from the factory gate, he stopped and said, "Let's sit down." We chatted casually, and I said, "You should go home soon, your home is so far away." He said, "It's okay, it's still early."
Meeting in person wasn't as comfortable as chatting online. Really, thinking back to the night before, we had a great chat on voice chat, I was being affectionate with him, and he was coaxing me.
I said again, "You go home, I'll go home first, I'm sleepy, we chatted so late last night." He suddenly grabbed my hand, perhaps having mustered a lot of courage, he kept stroking my hand, and then started kissing it. He said, "No, we have to find a place."
He started the car and drove to a secluded spot nearby. We sat in the back of the car, and he started kissing me. The kiss was a bit rough, more intense, the kind I didn't really like, but for a woman who needed a kiss, I just accepted it. That's what I thought.
His hand quickly slipped inside my bra. I wrapped my arms around his waist and felt him lift my bra. A man's warm, rough hand pressed against my breasts. Then, his hand went inside my pants, groping my slightly damp vulva. The back seat was so cramped. He put a cushion under my head and started taking off his pants. I quickly took mine off too. Although I disliked this place and this way, I needed sex! I comforted myself, reaching down to his penis. It was small, not even erect. "So impotent," I thought.
I kept saying, "So cold, so cold." He then lay on top of me. The car was cramped, but I was comfortable sleeping. His penis entered, still not hard. I spread my legs and clamped it between them. He started thrusting, and I writhed beneath him. Less than two minutes later, I felt a rush of heat. It was so short. My climax was still far off; he ejaculated. I thought to myself, "It's definitely premature ejaculation, purely a combination of impotence and premature ejaculation!" I hurriedly wiped myself with the toilet paper I'd prepared, and pulled my pants back on faster than I could take them off. My biggest thought at that moment was to get away from this vulgar man as quickly as possible, but he was still telling me jokes about peeping into other people's rooms when he was young—I couldn't laugh at all! I just wanted to go home, back to my little apartment.
After listening for a while, I said, "Let's go home, it's so cold outside." He even said, "Text me later, I'll come find you anytime." I didn't say a word, too lazy to pay attention to him. He asked me why I wasn't answering, and I said, "Answer what?"
And so, I returned to my own private dorm room. The slightly chilly late autumn air was so cold, chilling my heart even more. And so ended yet another sexual experience of mine—not comfortable, not good, even somewhat disgusting.
I asked myself, "Have you really fallen this low? You can accept any kind of man? I think it's because it's in the dark. If there were light, I would find such men disgusting, and I wouldn't be ashamed to have sex with them." But deep down, I need affection, I need a man. I couldn't help it; as soon as I got home, I deleted his number from my phone. I never wanted to see him again.
Speaking of which, I have to mention an online friend I met on Saturday. We only chatted online for ten minutes, but he sounded like a very romantic guy. I asked him what he usually did in the evenings. He said he went to bars or drank coffee, which intrigued me. Then we talked about our views on friendship and sincerity. Because, deep down, I still appreciate sincere people. Before work, I said, "Take me for coffee sometime, I like that" (actually, I've only been to a coffee shop once).
We exchanged phone numbers. In the afternoon at work, I felt my mind was elsewhere. I texted him: "Are you really coming this afternoon?" He replied: "Yes, I think you're an understanding woman, the kind of woman I've been waiting for."
So, we agreed to meet at the factory gate that afternoon, and I gave him detailed directions. Because our workplace is very remote and hard to find; most people haven't been there before. I got off work at 5:30, rushed home to wash my face, change clothes (I dress very poorly for work, only have one or two presentable outfits), and even changed my socks with holes. I texted him: "Aren't you here yet?" He said he just arrived at the door.
I ran to the door; a white car was there. I opened the door and sat in the back. There was a very elegant leather bag in the back, clearly the genuine leather kind. At first, I thought it was a woman's, but then I realized it was a man's. His car seat covers were a beautiful bright red pattern. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye; thankfully, he was my type.
We chatted casually as we drove. When we arrived at an Island Coffee shop in the city, he actually ordered a private room. As soon as we went in, the waitress said, "Sir, the private room fee is fifty." He nodded: "I know." I was a little stunned: "What couldn't you do with that fifty? Why spend it like this?" But I didn't say anything. He asked me what kind of coffee I wanted. Good heavens, besides the instant coffee I drink at home, I've never had any other coffee.
I said anything was fine. He seemed to sense my embarrassment, so he ordered some charcoal-grilled coffee for himself and one for me (I can't remember the exact name because I had no idea there were so many kinds of coffee), ice cream, and chicken wings.
We drank water and watched TV. We chatted casually, I talked about my life, and he listened with a smile. It lasted for about two hours, and I felt this feeling, this life, was wonderful. Actually, I liked this feeling; I've always liked the feeling I have for a man when we first meet.
He said, "Sit here and watch TV. You're tilting your head over there." I said it was okay, I wasn't watching anything anyway. He didn't insist. After a while, I came back from the bathroom and saw that the main light was off, leaving only the light from the TV. He said, "Sit here and watch." I seemed to only then realize why he called me over. I got up and went to sit down. He naturally put his hand on my shoulder. I really didn't know what to do, so I just rubbed my freshly washed hands together.
He held my hand and said, "Why are you so cold?" Then I knew that something was about to happen again, but I also longed for it.
Because this man, that kind of man, gave me a feeling that was natural, fitting, and just right. I put my arm around his shoulder, and he gently kissed my face down to my lips. One kiss and I knew he was a meticulous man; first the corners of my lips, then the sides, while I impatiently searched for his tongue. Then we kissed deeply, I don't know how long we kissed, I felt my body was so weak I couldn't move. He started kissing my breasts, then put his hand inside me. My period had just ended that day, and I was so scared I said no, I really didn't feel safe here. He rubbed his mouth against my breast and said, "Let's go, let's take a bath."
Then he turned on the checkout light, and I sat back down, looking completely normal. We got in the car and arrived at a bathhouse. I had never been here before, so I hesitated a bit. He said he hadn't either. "Let's go check it out first."
After checking into the room, I discovered there was no shower, so I had to go down to the lobby. The lobby was packed, and the masseuses were constantly calling out to make money off me. I thought, "It's been a while since I had a back scrub, might as well enjoy the service." So I got a scrub, and then someone tried to sell me a "bath," which was basically just applying shower gel. I used a bottle that cost thirty-five yuan. Back in the room, I was about to brush my teeth when he asked, "What are you doing?" I said I was brushing my teeth. He said, "Brush them when you go to sleep." I thought, "I'm going to sleep now, so why do you want me to do this?" He said, "I want you to sleep next to me."
So, I got into bed and lay in his arms. We started kissing. He gently took off his pajamas, then his own clothes. We snuggled under the white blankets. He began to gently, very gently, move my lower body with his hands. With his touch, I felt myself flowing. Then he leaned down and kissed me, from my chest to my thighs, lingering on my clitoris. I felt indescribably good. He licked every inch of my vulva, and I moaned. Then I searched for his penis, and we performed oral sex in a 69 position. This was the first time I'd ever done it this way, not even with my husband. Maybe we hadn't explored this yet. At that moment, I thought, "So this is what 69 is."
I knew he actually wanted me to reach orgasm before he ejaculated. But that day, I was really powerless, always afraid of staining the sheets with blood, so I didn't dare go too deep. Anyway, it was very pleasurable; he seemed to enjoy it after ejaculating. I thought, "It's just one night anyway, let's rest and see what happens." Unexpectedly, he immediately put on his clothes and said he was going home. I was stunned. Why were you coming back? He said my daughter was home alone; she's too young. Then he kissed my face and lips again and again. I really didn't want him to leave, but I pretended to be strong and said, "Then go ahead.
" He said we'd contact each other by text and phone tomorrow, and I actually said, "It's okay. You go ahead with your work!" Now I really regret what I said! Watching him pack his bag and leave, I felt incredibly lonely. After he left, my legs were very tired and sore, and the bleeding kept coming in. Sigh, that night was so long. The noise outside kept me awake until after 1 a.m., and I woke up at 5 a.m. When I checked out and saw the receipt for the previous night's expenses, I really regretted it. If I had saved the money, I could have lived a little longer!
The next day, I thought about everything about him, and I felt a little reluctant to leave him. He wouldn't reply to my messages or answer my calls. I don't know how I got through the following week. I missed him, every moment we shared. I left him messages on QQ that even made me cry, and sent him long texts, but there was no reply.
Nothing. Actually, it was just a one-night stand for wealthy, married people; how could they take it seriously?
I hate myself, so I decided to forget him, forget everything. That's why I met the driver two days later. Because my heart was in so much pain, I numbed myself. But a night of pleasure is easy to find, but how can a wounded heart be healed?
Oh, and I forgot to introduce myself: I'm a woman in my early thirties, my children are cared for by my parents, and my husband is gentle, affectionate, and traditional—the most reliable lover I could have. But he lives in another city, and we usually only meet once a month, and of course, our sex life is always of very high quality. For two highly educated people, still struggling to make ends meet and unable to be together is truly a terrible irony.
Seeing my girlfriend, who only scored a little over 200 points in college (her parents paid to get her in), and then got a job in a public institution through her father's connections, now has a great boyfriend who drives her around every day, and only wears brand-name clothes, refusing to wear anything that costs 200 yuan. What kind of world is this?! Back in my day, I was a beauty too. Now, in my thirties, if I wear something pretty, I still get a lot of attention. Online video chats often bring compliments from unwanted men, but is it my fault? Hard work in college can't compete with complex social connections; without connections, nothing matters!
My husband and I met in the late 1990s. After we got married, he continued his studies, and he's still studying now, far away. I've been enduring loneliness and solitude. When I'm bored, I chat online and discover so many men and women comforting and satisfying each other. It's a way to find temporary pleasure, isn't it?
So, I started my own life. We should live happily and enjoy life; why should we cling to loneliness?
However, my love for my husband is still wholehearted. We text and video chat every day, and I cry my eyes out if I talk to him for hours. He says I'm willful and pathetic. When I miss him, I spend my entire month's salary on transportation, and I even have my salary deducted if I take time off work.
I don't care. I'm such a capricious woman, a woman whose mood dictates everything, an incurable woman. Who can I confide in? I have no money, no friends, no one to embrace at night and keep me company during the day. When will my days end?
I can't even remember how many men I've been with. I remember a multi-millionaire boss who spent lavishly on pleasure, but it was just for fun. He even wanted to have a "threesome"—two women and one man—which I firmly refused. I still want to give my body to one person; I enjoy the pleasure of two people. I can't treat sex as a game; it's just for physical needs. Once, I saw his name on TV and in the newspaper, and I suddenly felt like vomiting. How hypocritical!
There are also men I meet online, only to find out in person how money-grubbing they are, unwilling to spend a single penny more than necessary. In a shabby little hotel with terrible soundproofing and no shower, how could sex possibly be enjoyable? I had to end things hastily and never see them again. Then there are hateful men; you can sense their hunger before they get your body, but their satisfaction afterward. My principle with these men is to spend their money as much as possible.
Of course, prostitutes charge, I just spend their money. They always issue receipts for reimbursement, and then say goodbye—I wouldn't want to see them again. There are many more. Some I still see occasionally online, but we rarely communicate. In this world, men are only after women's bodies, and women are only after women to kill time. There are so many of these men and women around me—online, in hotels, in places of entertainment—you can see many, even female college students. What has society done to people?
I hate this society, I hate life!
I remember my first online meeting vividly. He was a boy three years older than me. My monthly salary was only 500 yuan, but he said he could help me, but it required investment. So I gave him all my savings, 2,000 yuan. After that, his phone was switched off, and I never heard from him again. I thought about calling the police, but I could only swallow my tears every night. It seems that from that moment on, I stopped believing in love and true feelings, and I stopped trusting men. That man was named Qi Rui; he deceived many people. I can still remember his face. It was the first time I slept with someone other than my husband, the most humiliating experience of my life. I don't want to talk about that.
I had a deeply unforgettable love in high school, but he tragically died in an accident on his way to university in Changchun. What hurt me most was that after his death, I learned that one of my closest girlfriends was also in a passionate relationship with him. He was two-timing her, and this girl loved him even more than I did. She cried her heart out. From that moment on, my eyes suddenly stopped crying. I didn't know where true feelings were anymore.
A friend asked, "How do you manage to navigate between these men and your husband?" Actually, I've received calls while with my husband, but I cleverly concealed them. If there's no other way, I just turn off my phone. Besides, most of these are one-night stands, and men don't want to call you again, so the danger isn't too great. Also, I only date married men; it's safer and I don't feel any responsibility. Everyone has a family and can prioritize. But my love for my husband is incomparable. With him, I abandon everything and give my all. We make love passionately until we're exhausted. Almost every time we separate, I fall seriously ill—physically and mentally exhausted, plus the heartache and longing. My mood often remains depressed for a long time. Therefore, I won't affect my family or our relationship. Perhaps our sex drives are a bit strong; he uses his hands, but I can't. I need something real. So, I need to find it.
I think one day I'll settle down. I need a complete family, warmth, and a real life. I'm still a mother and a wife.
In Longcheng, a city devoid of friends, I continue my life: a monthly salary of less than a thousand yuan, plain clothes every day, crying on the phone with my husband, numbing my senses online at night—online I protect myself, but also indulge myself. When I'm in a bad mood, I have a one-night stand, then heal my wounded heart and throw myself back into work and life. Friends ask, "Why don't you study?" Yes, I study English, I take professional exams, but what good does it do? I still earn very little money, and I still have to endure loneliness, still living alone. This society, this world, we can't control it, we can only control ourselves.
Friends, if you can, please cherish your family, please keep your wife and husband's hearts safe, please stay together for life. Long-term separation will affect your relationship; perhaps your heart won't stray, but your body will.
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A lonely young woman's sexual experiences

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