My Sexual Development: A Young Woman's Account

My Sexual Development (A Young Woman's Account)

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Word Count: 20158

A 22-year-old sexy young woman's sex life!

It's long but classic, read it slowly...

I. My first masturbation was probably when I was six or seven years old. Actually, I didn't know I was masturbating at that time. I just liked to rub my legs together and experience that tingling, numbing feeling inside my vagina. Our old house was very small, and I always slept with my mother. My mother knew I had this habit (I used to do this every night). I was young and didn't understand things, so my mother lied to me, saying: "If you do this too much, your genitals will become sore." I cried immediately and stopped doing it. Thinking back, I was silly to believe her.

II. Menstruation I developed later than most girls. I remember when many girls started menstruating, I didn't understand what menstruation was. I only remember when I was little, I would always ask my mother curiously when she had her period: "Mom, why is there blood down there?" My mother would say: "You'll understand when you grow up." This kind of explanation made me very embarrassed later.
In fourth grade, a girl downstairs had already started menstruating. She was the same age as me, but she had developed earlier. One day during summer vacation, she asked me mysteriously, "Do you have your period yet?" I misheard her and thought she was asking, "Do you have a bath towel?" So I shouted, "We have bath towels at home!" My mother happened to be nearby, and she laughed and said, "Silly girl, she didn't mean a bath towel." She still didn't explain at the time. Until the second year of junior high, most girls had started menstruating, but I still hadn't. I already knew it was called menstruation, but I didn't know it also had another name: "old friend." At that time, my deskmate always said she had a stomachache, so I asked her, "Why does your stomach hurt?" She said she had her "old friend" and needed to ask the teacher for leave. I said, "Your 'old friend' has come, shouldn't you go and welcome him?" She looked at me strangely and said, "You don't know what 'old friend' is?" I shook my head in confusion, and she explained it to me. In the third year of junior high, I got my first period, and my body developed all of a sudden, and I grew taller all of a sudden.

Thirdly, my first kiss. By the time I was sixteen, many girls were starting to date, and I didn't pay much attention. However, I was indeed very curious because Xi Juan's novels were popular at the time, often featuring kissing scenes and describing how passionate they were. I was curious about what kissing was really like. At that time, I had a friend with a pen pal, and we went out together. I had a brief relationship with him, even though I didn't really like him. But I was curious about the feeling of kissing. Looking back, it seems a bit silly. I remember in a corner of the park, he kissed me. I had no idea what to do; my mouth was still closed. The first two attempts at kissing failed, and he told me to open my mouth. I opened my mouth, but I kept biting his tongue. It wasn't until the third attempt that we succeeded. Once, during a kiss, he tried to put his hand under my skirt to touch my breasts. It was summer, and I was wearing a sundress. Because I was standing, I was terrified and backed away. He almost fell, and in the end, he didn't succeed. At that time, I didn't understand kissing and felt that kissing was completely different from what was in the novels. I thought Xi Juan was lying, haha! However, perhaps because I am now very good at kissing, I still really enjoy the feeling of kissing. Fourth, my first time having sex. I think I will never forget my first man. He was my first real love and the first man I ever truly loved. What initially attracted me to him was his very humorous conversation. He was a very manly man, not very handsome, but very masculine. My first time having sex with him was half-hearted. I only remember that at first he tried to enter from the front, but he couldn't succeed because it was so painful. I pushed him away with all my might, and after an hour of struggling, he got impatient, turned me over, and entered me from behind. For my first time, especially from behind, the pain was unforgettable. I cried and begged him not to move. The pain was excruciating. I don't know if other girls experience this kind of pain, but it really hurt me. He was terrified because I was crying so badly that he ejaculated after only three thrusts. He even joked that the neighbors would probably call the police and accuse me of rape. The pain of that first time left me with a fear of sex for a year, and the next two or three times were still painful because I was too nervous. Every time we had sex, I would think about that pain, so I would be tense when he entered me, and my legs would be as stiff as a dead person's. I didn't feel any pleasure at all. Maybe I was too young then, or maybe I really didn't understand how wonderful sex could be. At that time, I didn't find sex comfortable at all, and I even felt annoyed. I was just going along with him, and it was always difficult for me to get wet.

Fifth, I didn't originally intend to write this part about cheating. Essentially, I'm not a bad woman, but sometimes I might cheat. The first man, let's call him A, was very busy; he was a computer engineer. I was only eighteen or nineteen at the time, and still quite playful, but he didn't have time for me. During that period, I liked to surf the internet, so my mother bought me a computer. I went to a chat room and met my first online friend. I didn't want any deep contact with him, and of course, we didn't sleep together. I went to the apartment his company provided for its expatriate employees. Once inside, he forcibly kissed me, but I didn't feel any desire for sex. Later, when I saw his penis, I felt even less attracted. I'm a very sensitive person, and I've never been fond of small penises, especially his—not only small but also very thin, almost like it hadn't fully developed, and completely disproportionate to his height (he's 180cm). After that, when he called me, I never went to see him again. This real affair was truly exciting, I mean psychologically. That day, I went on a chat website and someone named Seven Nights talked to me. They started by talking about sex, asking if I wanted to meet up for a one-night stand. It was already past midnight, and I felt curious, excited, and adventurous. My mom was already asleep, so I said yes and secretly went out. My mom had no idea. We agreed to meet near my house. It was winter, and very cold. He was a college student, and his school was close to my house. He was a handsome, fair-skinned scholar with glasses and beautiful eyes, though his teeth were a bit unsightly. He said it was cold outside and we should find a place to rest, so he went to a hotel. It was my first time in a hotel, and I felt very awkward because I don't like hotels. It always felt strange. I usually live alone, so I always have a place to stay and don't need to rent a hotel. I went into the room. I didn't intend to have sex; I was just curious and playful. But he was already prepared, and soon he stripped naked. I was stunned. In my mind, college students were supposed to be very innocent. However, I noticed his penis was beautiful—pink, not very thick but quite long, better looking than A's. A's was on the thicker side, with a moderate length. Qi Ye's penis was completely unexpected. I lowered my guard, but initially, I still didn't want to have sex. Rationally, I didn't want to betray A, so I gave him a blowjob, but he didn't ejaculate. After about ten minutes, I also lost control. I lost patience, thinking I'd try sitting with him and see what would happen, so I agreed to have sex. It felt very different. He looked very refined, but he was incredibly vigorous during sex. Because he was quite long, it wasn't comfortable from behind; I always felt like I was hitting something. Also, I was quite young then and couldn't accept penetration from behind, so we switched to the most traditional position. He lasted a long time, usually half an hour, sometimes an hour, before ejaculating, and his libido was very strong. Our relationship developed into multi-night stands until six months later when I felt guilty towards A and ended it.

Six, a year after my first time having sex with a white man, I broke up with A. That period was very painful. I thought I would marry him, but he broke up with me for an older, ordinary woman. So I started liking men, but not for drinking. I have no interest in drinking; I love dancing, and I'm a very good dancer, probably inherited from my dad, who is also a great dancer, haha! Because I dance very well, naturally and with great feeling, and because I have a curvy figure and a somewhat European-looking face (a bit like I'm of mixed race), many foreigners like to dance with me or be friends with me. In bars, I don't dare to do anything reckless or have one-night stands with just anyone, because I'm not a promiscuous girl and I'm afraid of catching a disease.

I met a Frenchman while dancing once. He was a very handsome guy, very tall and muscular. I'm 168cm tall, but I only reach his shoulder. I had a lot of fun dancing that day, and we exchanged contact information. Of course, I'm not a very open-minded girl and I never thought about having sex with a foreigner. After several dates, I became his girlfriend, but we never had sex. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but that I refused. I was really shocked when I saw his penis. I knew from his physique that his penis was probably not small, but it was frighteningly large, not only long but also thick, plus he was covered in body hair. I felt that having sex with a man like that would be terrifying, and I thought no Chinese woman could handle it. But after two months of dating, we still had sex. I had restrained myself for two months, and psychologically I wanted to have sex, so I agreed. But it was more difficult than I imagined because it was too big, and it was hard to penetrate. When I finally did penetrate, I felt uncomfortable, and he felt uncomfortable too. Because it was so tight, he couldn't move freely, and I didn't feel any pleasure either. I was very nervous, afraid that he would hurt me. That's how our first time having sex ended. After that, we broke up. I couldn't accept having sex with him, and he couldn't enjoy having sex with me. This is a rather realistic problem. Seven, I think I am still happy to have met my husband because I met him when I was twenty years old. He is also a white man, an American. I met him two years ago while I was dancing. It was during Labor Day holiday, and everyone was staying home. I went to a bar with my British girlfriend. It wasn't that I was reckless, but I'm just not naturally a big fan of such things. That day, there were very few people, just a handful of customers, and the dance floor was almost empty. I'm thick-skinned, so I didn't care about others and just danced. I bought a bottle of water and put it on a table. I didn't notice a group of foreigners sitting around the table, one of whom was my husband. When I got thirsty, I went to get some water. When I reached for the bottle, my husband handed it to me. I glanced at him; he was a baby-faced white man. He smiled at me and started talking. Since we didn't have any paper, he asked me to write my phone number on a 100 RMB note. Later, he joked, "I was very careful with this note that day, afraid that if I used it up, I wouldn't be able to find you." Later, I asked him what he did for a living, and he said he was a teacher. At first, I thought he was joking because I really dislike teachers (I wasn't a good student). We didn't keep in touch much afterwards, just occasionally calling each other.

Once, he invited me to his friend's dormitory to celebrate his birthday with him, which changed my opinion of him. I've always thought foreigners were more open-minded, but that time I felt that my husband truly respected me and was a trustworthy man. Because their school is a private school in the suburbs, the teachers' dormitory is next to the school, far from my home. That day, we partied until very late, and there were no more buses to go home. I had just started working and didn't want to take a taxi, so my husband said I could stay at his house. Their teachers' dormitory was very clean, with a living room and a bedroom, like an apartment. A cleaning lady cleaned the rooms every day, so I stayed. He gave me a set of his pajamas, which was too big for me. Then he took another set of blankets and went to sleep on a chair in the living room, letting me sleep on the big bed in the bedroom. I didn't expect him to do that. Usually, men would do something improper that night. The next day, I woke up, having slept very comfortably and peacefully. I was very happy because he was the most gentlemanly man I had ever met. I got up and went to the living room to see him. He was still sleeping (actually, he was pretending to be asleep). He had thick eyebrows and long eyelashes. My husband's eyes were very beautiful. Then he suddenly opened his eyes wide. When I saw that he was awake, I felt a little embarrassed. The next day, he took me home. His friends laughed at us, saying they never expected that we hadn't done anything that night. Afterwards, I asked my husband why he didn't touch me like other men did. He said he didn't want to force anyone, and he didn't want it to happen so quickly, step by step.

Eight, Understanding Sex: For the first few years, I didn't have much feeling or
longing for sex because I didn't know how. My previous boyfriends never explored that area with me. I wasn't aroused by physical contact like touching or kissing my breasts and nipples, to the point that I thought I was frigid. I didn't understand what an orgasm was either. My husband taught me about sex in a real sense.

Nine, My First Orgasm: I remember when I first had sex with my husband, he asked me if I had an orgasm. I said I didn't know if that was an orgasm, maybe not, maybe I was, I couldn't be sure. My husband said he would definitely show me what an orgasm was. My husband's penis is indeed very beautiful, the most beautiful I've ever seen. It's not as big as that Frenchman's, but it's long, pink, much bigger than a Chinese man's, and straight.

A side note: This is the first time I've written this part, so I'm a little lost and don't know how to write it. It might be clumsy, please forgive me.

It was summer that day, and I was relaxing at home. I took out a sexy red lingerie set and tried it on, admiring myself in the mirror (I'm a bit narcissistic, haha). My husband had just come home from class and saw me as soon as he opened the door. He immediately pulled me into the bedroom, and we kissed as we went to the closet (their closet was quite large, like a small room). Because the lingerie was a half-body suit and I wasn't wearing panties, my husband immediately pulled down his pants, inserted his penis, and began caressing my breasts. Perhaps because of the space and the physical contact, I suddenly felt an unusual stimulation and pleasure, and involuntarily began to moan. This time, I had a very stimulating and primal feeling. I was quite conservative about sex at first, and I didn't dare to make any noises, always feeling embarrassed. I usually used ordinary positions, but this time was different. It felt very stimulating, and my moans were louder than usual. My husband even tried to kiss me to stop me from moaning because it was daytime and we were afraid the other foreign teachers would hear. Then I felt my vagina start to spasm and tremble uncontrollably until I reached orgasm. I couldn't help but moan until I was exhausted. Then my husband also reached orgasm. Actually, it didn't last long, only about ten minutes, but it was the most comfortable time I've ever had.

Ten, the record of seven times in one night. After that, I started to learn to enjoy sex, but I could never control reaching orgasm every time. It always felt very difficult. Until my husband went back to the United States. A month later, he came back, and his physique was obviously much stronger than before (probably because he ate better). I prefer fat men, and suddenly I found my husband much sexier, and I suddenly felt hot. During that month, I wasn't actually sexually frustrated. Sometimes I would just think about it and then fall asleep. But this time when my husband came back, the feeling was completely different.

On the taxi ride home, he hugged me and whispered in my ear. My ears are always very sensitive, and he even deliberately breathed on me and kissed my neck. His hands started to wander, touching my breasts through my clothes, even trying to reach inside. I stopped him, afraid the driver would see, even though he was driving and wouldn't have looked anyway. Once home, he couldn't wait to undress me. I was instantly wet, and didn't even bother to shower (we have a habit of showering before and after sex). When he entered me, I felt dizzy; the feeling of fullness was overwhelming. I started moaning. I think I was really loud then, so much so that the next day his colleague asked him why it took him so long that night. We usually do it man-on-top, but that time my husband lifted me onto him and put me on top. I didn't know how to move on top because I rarely do this kind of sex and it doesn't feel comfortable. But this time was different. I tried to move slowly on top of him. He sucked on my nipples with his mouth and slapped my buttocks with his other hand. Maybe because my clitoris was being rubbed, I felt incredibly excited. I kept twisting my hips, and I guess I was moaning like I was in a porn movie, but I didn't care. I suddenly realized that sex should be enjoyed and released. Then I had an orgasm. My vagina kept contracting until I was exhausted. I went limp. My husband knew I had an orgasm, so he rolled over and pinned me down. He also reached his orgasm and ejaculated. We did this seven times that night, so much so that I was too tired to get out of bed the next day (it was the weekend).
11. Discovering a new orgasm position. Before, I could only reach orgasm in one position. Actually, I don't know if orgasm requires effort from the man or the woman, maybe both. But before, I could only reach orgasm in one position, which was me on top. One time when my husband and I were having sex, I discovered a second position.

After dating my husband for six months, we got married. Although I was still clueless about sex, my husband patiently taught me. My shapely figure also made up for my clumsy skills. Later, I discovered that there was another position that could lead to orgasm, namely the rear-entry position. That was just a coincidence. We made love as usual. I generally don't like the rear-entry position because my husband's penis is quite large, and it's uncomfortable for him to enter from behind. Also, my husband has long legs, so I usually have to stick my butt out. Since I don't exercise often, my buttocks aren't flexible, and I often feel very tired. He also felt unsatisfied. Later, he came up with a solution: he had me lie down, and he entered from behind, lying on top of me. At first, it felt very tiring because he was quite heavy, weighing over 170 pounds. But slowly, I thought of masturbating when I was a child. I squeezed my legs together and suddenly felt very comfortable. He started biting my ear again, and I felt that this would definitely bring me to orgasm. I pulled my husband's hand to touch my breasts and fully enjoyed the movement of his penis. Suddenly, I felt like a lot of fluid was flowing out from below, and I moaned even louder. I knew I had orgasmed. My husband kissed me and asked if I had orgasmed. I nodded, my whole body going limp.
12. Regarding oral sex, I don't know who invented it. I guess they thought a woman's mouth and vagina were analogous. I personally don't like oral sex; I neither like giving it to others nor receiving it from others, because I feel it's not as comfortable and satisfying as sex. However, men seem particularly fond of it, from my first boyfriend to my husband.

The first time I gave my boyfriend oral sex, I felt nothing, even disgusted, but I persisted and even learned some techniques, haha! Firstly, every man's erogenous zones are different; some men are erogenous zones, some are testicles, but most men prefer deep penetration. However, I never ask men about their preferences when it comes to oral sex. Actually, you only need to explore a little to know what to do. My husband is very enthusiastic about oral sex, and sometimes we even argue about it because I don't like it. I lose interest in this kind of foreplay, but because of our love, sometimes I enthusiastically help him with oral sex. Thirteen, regarding kissing and caressing: I've discovered the pleasure of sex and come to enjoy kissing and caressing, especially towards later orgasms. I think this kind of foreplay is very important; it often makes me feel incredibly aroused. For all men, the in-and-out motion and ejaculation are more enjoyable, but for women, foreplay is very important because it makes sex more fulfilling and thorough. Of course, foreplay isn't just between men and women; it's mutual.

As I mentioned before, I'm a woman who enjoys dancing, and I sometimes use dancing to be intimate with my husband.
Once, my husband wanted to liven things up, so he put on some music. I'm the kind of woman who starts swaying whenever I hear music. It was a piece of music that was similar to Arabic music with some Indian elements. It was gentle yet alluring, especially in the dark. It made me feel like there was a seductive woman writhing like a snake. Of course, I played that woman, haha! That day, I was wearing a black lace lingerie set. The lights were off, and moonlight streamed in, casting my shadow on the wall. I writhed on the bed like that, while my husband watched and masturbated. Then I jumped off the bed, went to him, and gave him a blowjob. He picked me up and put me on the bed, and we kissed passionately. Then he bit my breast through my lingerie. I was flustered by the bites and reached for my husband's penis, which was already hard. Then he roughly pulled down my panties and entered me. This feeling was incredibly exciting because the foreplay had given me endless fantasies about sex.
I took off my lingerie and entangled with my husband... Fourteen, Masturbation After Adulthood: Because my husband is American

, he also had to return to the United States to work. He helped me apply for an immigrant visa in the US, but the immigrant visa lasted for more than a year. It also meant I had to stay for so long. I was in China and he was in America. Those days were very difficult for a young woman, not just physically but also emotionally. After my husband left, I realized the need for the experience after orgasm. That was last year when I was only twenty-one. I started masturbating again, using the same method as when I was a child. I couldn't accept masturbating with my own fingers. I would still rub my legs together. The difference was that I had breasts. I would touch my breasts to masturbate, imagining myself having sex with my husband, imagining him touching me, biting my breasts... Fifteen, The first time wasn't
strictly speaking proactive. Generally speaking, I'm a passive woman. I've never been proactive in sex. I've thought about being proactive, but I always felt that I wasn't promiscuous enough. My husband returned from a business trip to Shanghai after being away for nine months. The longing was excruciating; sometimes I would inexplicably burst into tears. The complex emotions I felt upon seeing him were indescribable. I didn't cry with excitement because I was too happy. As soon as we got home, before I even took off my top (because I was wearing a skirt that day), and before he took off his pants, we hugged each other tightly.

A later incident was quite funny. That day, we watched TV as usual, then prepared for bed. As usual, we smiled at each other, tacitly preparing to make love. But he insisted I give him oral sex. After ten minutes, he still wasn't satisfied. I started to lose patience. Seeing my impatience, he became unhappy, so I stopped, deciding not to make love anymore. My husband was a little angry, but I ignored him and went to bed. However, I found I couldn't fall asleep. A burning desire called to me, preventing me from sleeping. I knew clearly that I needed to make love, so I said to my husband domineeringly: "I want to make love." He looked at me and said, "Why are you so insistent on sex? I'm not in the mood." I got angry immediately and thought, "Fine, then I won't. I'm going to sleep." My husband saw I wasn't moving and tried to pull me away, but I ignored him and said, "Fine, we'll do it. If not, I'm going to sleep." My husband has always been very loving and easily swayed by my threats, and he couldn't take it anymore, so we made love. Looking back, it's kind of funny—who makes such a demand of a man? I won't do it again, haha. Sixteen, about my husband: My husband is American, but very shy and honest. My mother says I often bully him. Actually, he's just a big boy. He's my teacher when it comes to sex. According to him, I'm still a little girl who doesn't know how to make love. He gives me a lot of love, but he's selfish in love. He gives all his feelings and expects me to be completely devoted to him. Like he said, once I married him, I should belong to him. I never expected to hear such old-fashioned thinking from an American man. Below are some snippets of my relationship with my husband.
17. Regarding buying condoms: My husband and I use condoms for contraception. We can't think of a better method because it's the safest (we believe so). However, my husband is a foreigner, and besides basic Chinese like "hello" and "thank you," he struggles with buying condoms. Sometimes supermarkets have them directly on the shelf, while other times they're placed behind the cashier. He'll point at the condoms and say "this one, this one." Sometimes the cashier isn't sure and asks him what, and he'll just point and say "this one, this one." Especially when it's crowded, he gets annoyed and embarrassed, haha, it's really quite embarrassing. So, this glorious task falls to me. First of all, as a woman, I'm very embarrassed to buy condoms, and I've never bought them before. The first time I tried to buy them, I struggled with the decision for a long time. My husband said, "Why think about it? Just say you want to buy condoms." He said it was easy, but for me, it was difficult.

I finally made up my mind to buy condoms because we were out of them. Our principle is: no condoms, no sex. That day we went to a Lawson store. As soon as I walked in, I regretted it. The sales clerk was an auntie about my mother's age. I was about to turn back when I saw her, but my husband, probably knowing I was going to leave, stood behind me, blocking my way. I looked at him awkwardly, and he gave me an impatient wink. I had no choice but to bite the bullet and tell the clerk, "I want to buy condoms." But I think my voice was so soft that only I could hear it. The clerk asked me what I wanted, and I pointed to the condoms, embarrassed, and said, "I want to buy condoms." She finally understood and gave them to me. At that moment, I felt like the whole world was watching me, especially since I was with a foreigner. I was terrified that people would think I was a bad woman.

18. Regarding profanity during sex: My husband is very fond of using profanity during sex, and I honestly don't know how to say it. Luckily, he uses English, because sometimes I think how awful it would sound if I used profanity in Shanghainese (I'm from Shanghai). I never used profanity with my ex-boyfriends. Should I say "f my b*tch"? I guess I wouldn't be interested in sex after hearing that. If I used Beijing dialect, "f me"? That sounds awkward too. How can a girl say that? Haha! Later, I discovered that my husband likes to talk a lot during sex, and he uses profanity. At first, I didn't understand, so he explained that it helps with sex, that it's very stimulating, and he taught me to say things from simple to complex and explicit. I've rarely used it; it always feels strange, and I don't feel much when I use it. It even feels dirty. I hear my husband say that it will probably take me several years to get used to this kind of sex.

19. Regarding pregnancy and contraception: When I was little, I didn't know how to get pregnant. According to TV dramas from the 80s and 90s, the plots were very subtle, usually just kissing. I thought that as long as a man and woman kissed and hugged, pregnancy would occur. Looking back, it was so silly. Without any sex education, I watched my first adult film with my boyfriend from school. He insisted I watch it and promised he wouldn't have sex with me, which he did. I didn't watch closely because I was scared. The film only showed the male and female genitalia touching, and the woman's excited moans during sex; there was no emotional content, just penetration. I didn't understand why men liked watching this. That's when I learned what sex was like. But the first time I saw a man's penis, I was terrified, almost crying, because I didn't have one, and it seemed incredibly ugly, especially since it was alive.

I've always been very reluctant to get pregnant. Several of my classmates got pregnant and had abortions, and seeing their suffering made me terrified of pregnancy. My longest relationship was with my first boyfriend, A, and my husband. Luckily, I was never pregnant; a few times my period was late, but it was just a false alarm. A and I rarely used condoms; he didn't like them, and I was young and didn't have many concerns. Also, my periods are often irregular, which probably affected my ability to conceive. A and I always used withdrawal, but this method isn't always safe—in fact, it's quite unsafe. Later, with my husband, he was very aware of contraception. Americans don't like abortions, and if someone gets pregnant, they usually give birth. So, even before we decided to have children, my husband always used condoms, which I felt was the safest method. I've never tried the method of calculating the due date, and I feel it's extremely unsafe. So for those of you who need contraception, condoms are the best method. If you have any new methods, please share them, haha. Twenty, Suppressed Moans: Because I'm planning to immigrate to the US, I haven't bought a house in Shanghai. My husband is just an ordinary American citizen with little money. Besides, since he's back in the US, I've never lived independently before, so I naturally live with my mother. This way, she can take care of me, and she can also discipline me. Our house is quite spacious. However, problems arose. My husband was back for three months, and we couldn't afford to rent a place for three months—it would be difficult to find a place anyway—nor could we buy a house for that. So, I ended up living under the same roof as my mother. The differences in lifestyle are obvious. Although my husband is very enthusiastic, and my mother is an open-minded mother, the language barrier makes communication difficult. Sometimes they just exchange friendly smiles, and I only have a vague understanding of their conversations. When I'm at work, my husband often calls to ask what my mother is saying to him. Thinking about it, it's kind of cute.

The nights were particularly difficult. I grew up in a single-parent family; my parents divorced when I was fifteen, and my mother raised me alone. I remember seeing my father touch my mother when I was little. I didn't understand then, so I said, "Dad's a pervert, don't bully Mom." Then my father would give my mother a wicked smile. But I never saw them make love, nor did I ever hear them moan. Now that I'm grown up and married, I'm a little curious: did my mother moan? Did she suppress it, or was she simply too embarrassed to moan during sex? Because, after growing up during the Cultural Revolution, could someone truly enjoy sex? Hehe! Anyway, my mother's room was right next to ours. I figured the creaking of the bed was something she couldn't suppress, but my moans were something she could suppress. I'm a woman who likes to moan in bed. Sometimes the moans are involuntary. Sometimes when I reach orgasm, I can only bury my head in the pillow or kiss my husband to suppress the moans. Sometimes I even scratch my husband's back like a kitten to release my pent-up emotions. A few times, I even scratched his back until it bled, haha! I think many people have probably had similar experiences. Twenty-one, Nighttime Caresses My husband is eight years older than me, now thirty, in his prime, with a strong libido. He's also Western, so his energy and stamina are quite high. Compared to me, I'm still too young. On the one hand, I'm not too enthusiastic about sex, and on the other hand, the fatigue from work leaves me with no extra energy to care about these things. My husband used to want to have sex almost every day, but after a month, I couldn't keep up and resolutely resisted this pace, changing it to every other day.

For couples who share a bed every night, I don't know about other couples, but my husband and I are basically shirtless (wearing only underwear) every day. In the middle of the night, he often inexplicably hugs me, touches my breasts, kisses me randomly, and then pulls down my underwear. Most of the time he's not fully conscious, but it easily wakes me up. I just grunt and push him away to go back to sleep, because I have a hard time falling back asleep if I'm woken up in the middle of the night. Then my husband will wisely turn over and go back to sleep. The next day, I ask my husband, "Why did you touch me in the middle of the night?" My husband says, "Really? I thought I was dreaming." Haha! It's funny to think about. Sometimes I find my underwear inexplicably gone the next day, probably my husband's doing too.
On rare occasions when I'm in a good mood, and my husband interrupts my sleep, I'll cooperate and make love, but that's rare. This is related to my habits; I'm a clean woman, and I always shower after sex. If he's messing around in the middle of the night, I naturally won't be happy.

22. Regarding rape games, I don't know if other men are enthusiastic about this kind of game, but my husband definitely likes it. I guess it's more popular with foreigners, maybe because he's watched too many adult films, or maybe it's influenced by watching too many Hollywood blockbusters, haha! First of all, let me clarify that I'm not very interested in this kind of game. I'm not an actor, I can't act it out, and I find it particularly ridiculous. I can't imagine my husband being raped by me as some kind of pirate, priest, soldier, or bandit. However, my husband enjoys it immensely. He plays the priest the most. Maybe because I grew up in a single-parent family, I have a father complex and prefer slightly older men, so I might be able to get into character better when playing this role. Also, the priest is quite sacred, but he has to obscenely "rape"
a young girl (which I play), hehe! It makes me feel more interesting and exciting. However, I often can't get into character, and I often laugh out loud, interrupting my husband's wonderful fantasies, which has led him to give up on this kind of sex.
23. Regarding penis size, men, please don't scold me here. I'm just expressing my thoughts, and there's absolutely no malice intended. I think all women prefer larger penises, both visually and in terms of feeling, just like all men like women with big breasts. I've been lucky; the men I've met have generally had good penises. I haven't tried small ones because I usually "check the goods" (i.e., assess the quality of the penis) and lose interest when I see a small one, making it difficult to continue. This is related to my psychological fortitude; I'm not very strong-willed and easily influenced. But too big a penis isn't good either, like my ex-boyfriend from France—he was a burden.
My husband's penis size isn't actually a good match for mine; it's longer and thicker than average. He's never been fully inside; he can only get halfway in each time. And each time, he needs to be very wet, and I have to spread my legs as wide as possible, otherwise it's difficult to get in. During sex, I also have to spread my legs as wide as possible. So, the rear-entry position I mentioned earlier for reaching orgasm isn't something my husband likes, because he can't move freely. As he says, "Too tight isn't good either; I can't go in and out freely." I think he might be more passionate with Western women because he has to be more careful with me, considering my limits. I think sex is something both men and women should enjoy. Men sometimes need to consider women's feelings and not just think about their own pleasure without considering the other person's. Only through mutual effort can we reach the peak of sex.

24. Extramarital affairs are a sensitive issue for everyone. After reading my husband and my story, many people probably think we are very happy. We are indeed very happy and in love, but living apart is very lonely. I don't know if my husband has a lover in the United States. As an adult man, his sexual desire is inexhaustible. I don't know if he would be content to masturbate every day; that's torture for a man. Of course, I'm not thinking this way about my husband because I betrayed him; it's a question everyone considers.
I am a 22-year-old woman, in the prime of my life. The desire for sex isn't the hardest thing for me, but loneliness is truly unbearable. I admit I can't stand loneliness. I won't pretend to be chaste; I have no interest in it. I'm a normal person. I endured the past nine months of waiting, but in the following nine months, I had an affair. To be precise, I had a lover, a regular lover, a Hong Kong man eighteen years older than me, whom I'll call T for now. 25. On a boring weekend, I spent my time dancing. I danced energetically with my friend W, whom I've known for eight or nine years, on Friday night. Two short men watched us dance with great interest. The taller man, K, struck up a conversation with my classmate and asked for her phone number, inviting us to dinner on Sunday. I had nothing else to do, so I went to dinner with my classmate on Sunday, just hoping to get a free meal and have some fun. K was clearly interested in my classmate. Then I started chatting with the shorter man, D. He didn't speak Mandarin, so we spoke in English from the beginning. We exchanged MSN numbers. I usually don't exchange phone numbers after marriage, but that day he asked my classmate for her number and then asked me for mine. I felt they were trying to pick up my classmate, so I didn't pay much attention and politely gave them my number. Little did I know D was trying to pick me up. For the next week, we communicated via MSN. One day, someone inexplicably added me on MSN and started talking to me. I asked who he was. He said he was a friend from Hong Kong and would invite me for coffee sometime.
I thought MSN might have a search function like QQ for adding friends, so I asked him how old he was. He said he was fifty. I immediately ignored him because I didn't know what I could talk about with a fifty-year-old man.

A few days later, K invited us to dinner and said we'd play pool afterwards. He also mentioned he'd brought a skilled player who had returned from studying in England, and that he'd be joining us. I didn't know who he was at the time, but later in the car, K told me that the man who added me on MSN the night before was that skilled player. I was filled with curiosity, so I asked K: "Is he really fifty?" He said: "I don't know, maybe forty." I was stunned. These are all friends and colleagues, and he didn't even know their ages. I guess all men are like that.

When we arrived at the restaurant, we sat down and ordered. After a while, a man came over and greeted K. He was T. I curiously sized him up. He was tall, wore glasses, looked to be about thirty-five, and was wearing a down jacket. He wasn't particularly handsome, but he had a certain air about him and a certain charm. The only flaw was that his hair was a little thinning. He smiled at me, and I smiled back politely before turning my head to talk to W. I'm a rather passive woman; I never initiate conversations with men, so I didn't say much to the stranger, T. I just focused on eating my fish. I was practically the only one eating it. He smiled and said, "Didn't you say you were on a diet? You've almost finished this fish." I blushed instantly, put down my chopsticks, and felt embarrassed to eat anymore. Actually, the fish was almost gone. I looked at him a little resentfully, thinking, "Why is this man so disrespectful to me? He smiled mischievously when he saw I wasn't eating anymore; I felt like he was doing it on purpose."
Afterwards, he said, "I've never seen a girl so dismissive of me, not even glancing at me. I deliberately tried to get you to talk." His teasing actually caught my attention, but I ignored him and deliberately talked to my classmates. I didn't even notice him talking to me because D was sitting next to me, and he was sitting next to D, with one seat between us. D reminded me before I spoke to him.

When it came to playing pool, I actually didn't know how to play. I just thought girls' poses looked good, but in reality, I couldn't even pose properly, haha! I've probably only played pool twice in total, or three times including that. I couldn't even position the ball properly; it always went crooked, and I basically couldn't pot the ball. W played quite well; she shared a table with K, and I played with D, T, and me. At first, T didn't play at all; he just sat there resting and watching us play. Later, he told me that his position had the best view of my buttocks. I was speechless. Later, I played so badly that he couldn't stand it anymore and said he'd teach me. But that was just an excuse; guys should know that teaching a girl to play pool is the best excuse to get close to her. He leaned over my back, holding my hand with one hand and placing the other on my hip, showing me the correct positions. I was a little surprised he was so bold, especially in front of D. They were friends and colleagues, and I blushed a bit, not daring to look back at him. He said if I looked back, he would definitely kiss me.

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My Sexual Development: A Young Woman's Account

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