A Female Civil Servant's Diary (Chapters 1-293)

【A Female Civil Servant's Diary】(Chapters 1-293)
Word Count: 497,547
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【Synopsis】
A woman's career journey and love diary. A smooth, delicate body, a pure and beautiful face, a bewitching mind, and a mysterious parchment scroll—she navigates the complexities of various levels of government, using her youth, body, emotions, and intelligence to obtain what she desires. A beauty coveted by many men, where will her heart ultimately lead her?
A Female Civil Servant's Diary
Chapter 001. Me and the Municipal Party Secretary April 27, 2013, Sunny.
No one could have imagined that I would have a whirlwind marriage on this day, including myself.
My husband, Cheng Zheng, is five years older than me. We only met once before setting the wedding date.
On the evening of April 26, the day before the wedding, I went to the villa given to me by the Municipal Party Secretary, Mr. Hou, and made love to him twice.
Secretary Hou's name is Hou Dahai, 52 years old. Privately, I call him Mr. Hou.
I have a villa, a gift from him, located by the sea in the S City High-Tech Zone, a typical wealthy area. The villas have large private gardens with dedicated driveways and paths, making it difficult for owners to spy on each other.
This is our main hideout.
Like most middle-aged Chinese officials, he's long been overweight and lacks regular exercise, so his physical condition is far inferior to that of younger men in other professions.
Often, when he wants me, he likes to take pills to prolong the duration, saying he enjoys seeing me blush and become extremely seductive.
Actually, I have a way to last longer without him taking pills, but I don't easily use that method on certain men. Good steel should be used where it's needed most—that's an irrefutable principle. I can sleep with certain men, but that doesn't mean I'm interested in making any extra sacrifices for them, such as genuine, devoted love.
That evening, Secretary Hou asked me to wait for him at the villa. He said he would be my "groom" on my eve of the wedding.
I obediently followed his instructions and drove to that secluded, affluent area after work.
I like owning many houses, liking their different scenic locations and different decorating styles. This might be related to my impoverished upbringing; in those few dilapidated rural houses of my childhood, I endured too much of the harshness of human nature.
Entering the villa, only one rotating wall lamp was on, its ambiguous light displaying different colors that shifted in the vast room. I had taken a bath and was wearing a thin red nightgown, the hem just short enough to cover my ample hips.
Two beautiful, long legs lay bare beneath the skirt, white and smooth, accentuating the soft, red gauze, revealing my slender figure, pert breasts, and delicate waist, exuding a thousand kinds of allure…
Hou Dahai said I was the kind of woman men would want to sleep with at first glance.
The room was strewn with rose petals, their rich fragrance stirring my emotions.
I've long understood that women should treat themselves well, loving themselves ten times more than foolishly loving a man even a fraction more. So now, no matter who I sleep with, I always create an atmosphere that's incredibly comfortable and alluring, highlighting my own beauty and arousing their desire.
But when I decided to marry Cheng Zheng, this was my thought: if he loves you ten times, then you love him twelve times; if he loves you eight times, then you love him seven times.
Cheng Zheng is the first man in all these years I've wanted to spend my life with.
Secretary Hou arrived. As soon as he entered, he called out, "My darling, Daddy Hou is here."
I went to greet him, my steps graceful, chin slightly raised, my eyes glancing at him with affection, a foxy smile playing on my lips. I whispered, "Daddy Hou."
He reached out and pulled me onto his robust body, his hands already kneading my full breasts beneath my thin veil. He whispered breathlessly in my ear, "My darling, you're going to be a bride tomorrow, Daddy Hou will miss you."
I gasped, tilting my head back to kiss his stubble-covered, rough chin. "So, Daddy Hou, you have to pamper me tonight, okay?"
He said, "Of course, come on, baby."
His hands roamed over my body, squeezing my full breasts, his mouth pressing against them through my clothes, sucking hard.
I moaned softly, my arms wrapping around his waist like snakes, deliberately pressing my soft body against his abdomen.
There, he was already hard as iron, and he let out a heavy, labored breath.
In official settings, when he mentioned me, he always addressed me with a serious yet kind tone, calling me "Director Qiao." No one could have imagined that the usually stern and unsmiling Secretary Hou would so wildly call me "Sweetheart, Darling, Good Daughter" in private.
Of course, in this world, there are countless unexpected things hidden in the shadows. For example, Secretary Hou wouldn't know that Mayor Liu Songtao of S City would also call me "Fairy" under my seductive charm. My nightgown had a deep V-neck, and his lips moved down my neck, easily pulling down the neckline of my dress, revealing two beautiful, alluring breasts. Secretary Hou's lips pressed urgently against them.
A tingling, numb sensation spread throughout my body, and I called out seductively, "Daddy Hou," clinging to him as we rolled onto the bed.
I wasn't wearing anything under my dress.
His clothes were quickly thrown to the ground. Without any foreplay, he thrust into me. The moment he entered, he let out a low moan, his breath coming in gasps like someone suffering from chronic heart disease.
I arched my beautiful buttocks, forcefully meeting his, actively swaying my hips. Stimulated by my powerful contractions, he swelled and hardened, like a fierce cheetah thrusting and moving rapidly against my body.
Chapter 002. The passion on the plane filled the entire room with our desire. Under the flickering lights, only the couple on the bed, intertwined and thrusting wildly.
He had taken medication beforehand, but his middle-aged body still couldn't withstand my intense contractions. In less than ten minutes, he ejaculated, unsatisfied.
He lay on top of me, panting heavily, kneading my smooth, fragrant shoulders, saying, "My darling, you're so good at moving, it makes my whole body feel like it's melting inside you, it's killing me."
My soft hands caressed his thick waist, and I said seductively, "I don't want your life, I just want lots and lots of your love."
Secretary Hou smiled contentedly, nibbled on my ear, and said, "My darling, I'll give you that."
After our first quick encounter, his body had developed a tolerance, and I obediently climbed off him, skillfully kissing his body.
I knew where his sensitive spots were: his nipples, his navel, the inside of his thighs.
My service made him spasm with pleasure, breathing heavily, and he pressed me down beneath him again.
Secretary Hou was a shrewd and capable man; from him, I learned many intangible things.
Climbing the ranks in officialdom is like a Tai Chi diagram, the techniques of which can only be understood intuitively, not explained in words.
On the night of April 26, 2013, I made love twice with Hou Dahai, the Party Secretary of the Municipal Committee, and spent half the night in absurdity.
Meanwhile, my fiancé, Cheng Zheng, was staying at a hotel with his parents who had come from Xiangfan, perhaps dreaming about our wedding the next day.
On April 27, 2013, the weather was fine, and my wedding with Cheng Zheng was held romantically and solemnly in a Christian church built during the German occupation of S City.
I wore a gorgeous and pure custom-made wedding dress, a beautiful lily crown on my head, and a happy and serene smile on my lips as I confidently walked towards my groom, Cheng Zheng, who was both refined and possessed a certain free-spiritedness characteristic of men from Northwest China.
He took my outstretched hand with eyes full of happiness and affection, and led me slowly towards the pastor behind the altar.
Every young girl has fantasized countless times about her own magnificent wedding, secretly sketching the image of the man who will lead her hand into the wedding in her future heart.
I, Qiao Baobao, was no exception.
When I was still an ugly duckling, I also imagined what my wedding would look like and who my groom would be.
Now, I have finally stepped into this day, holding someone's hand. I am smiling, but in my heart, I whisper to the girl who once had nothing, tears welling in my eyes: My dear, you have long since been reborn, you are no longer yourself.
After the wedding, there was a lively banquet. The banquet hall of the Golden Palace Hotel was festive and lively. Colleagues from many departments at the grassroots level and in the city, as well as some business owners, all gave me face. Even the mayor and the municipal party secretary personally attended the banquet to add to my glory.
Secretary Hou put aside his airs as a leader and gave a congratulatory speech in an approachable tone, like an elder, and drank the wine toasted by me and the groom.
In front of others, he was so dignified, but in my mind, I was still thinking about the night before when he was naked and crawling on top of me, sweating profusely.
Mayor Liu Songtao also warmly shook hands with Cheng Zheng and me, saying similar words of blessing as Secretary Hou. After drinking the wedding wine, the two dignitaries stayed for a few minutes before leaving in harmony.
I had previously bought a 150-square-meter duplex apartment as our wedding home. Of course, no one but me knew where this house came from. Before the wedding, I transferred the property to Cheng Zheng's name.
After the wedding banquet, we left the apartment with his parents who had come from afar for a short stay, and rushed to Shanghai Airport overnight to fly to the Maldives for our honeymoon.
Cheng Zheng was a happy groom. On the plane, his arm was wrapped around my waist, and his lips lingered on my ear as he whispered, "Baby, am I dreaming? Are we really married?"
I turned my face slightly and gently touched his lips with mine. "Of course not. You can try it if you don't believe me. It feels so real."
As I spoke, I mischievously grabbed his hand and placed it on my pert breasts.
His breathing quickened immediately, his palms warm, as he greedily kneaded my breasts. "My little devil, I love you! I want you."
My hands wrapped around his back, gently stroking him through his soft cotton shirt, teasing him. "Really?
Now? How? There are so many people around, do you dare?"
He grabbed one of my small hands and pressed it against his trousers, saying through gritted teeth, "Try it, see what you've done to me. If you dare to want it, I dare to give it to you!"
My hand grasped his hardness, and he let out a suppressed moan. His lips captured mine, his tongue prying open my teeth and slipping inside.
Our tongues played and intertwined in my mouth, saliva constantly overflowing from around our tongues, which he greedily swallowed.
Our fiery passion drew the attention of the passengers next to us, who turned their heads away. We kissed passionately, completely oblivious to the envy or scorn of others.
Cheng Zheng's hands, not content with merely ravaging my breasts, boldly slipped inside my skirt, where it was already damp, and I moaned softly.
Chapter 003. In the tropical rainforest, desire surged to an unbearable intensity. Cheng Zheng gave me a hint, and we left our seats one after the other, heading to the restroom.
Closing the door, in the cramped space, we kissed and caressed each other passionately. He pulled down my panties, making me brace my hands against the restroom door, my rear end arched high.
He unzipped his pants and eagerly pushed himself inside.
A tight, fusion, a lubricated rhythm, we moaned suppressedly, intertwined, he biting my ear repeatedly, "Wife, wife, I love you, how can you be so tight?"
When we emerged from the restroom, my hair was slightly disheveled, my face flushed, Cheng Zheng's breathing slightly rapid, a light sheen of sweat on his nose.
Oblivious to the stares of the other passengers, we walked to our seats, sat down, and chuckled softly, entwined in a passionate embrace.
Years of working as a civil servant have molded me into a woman with typical Pisces traits: one face in public, another in private. Seemingly romantic and gentle, yet actually rational and calm. Because I am a true Capricorn woman; it's just that when the village issued my household registration certificate, a clerical error made a mistake with my birth date, so the date on my identity card is six months older than my actual age.
My grandmother left me a small parchment scroll with mysterious twelve zodiac symbols. Later, after gradually studying and delving deeper, I've vaguely summarized the characteristics of Capricorn women.
Born in the harsh winter, Capricorn is half goat and half fish, symbolizing their independent spirit and feminine nature.
The goat's striving, perseverance, gentleness, and charm combined with the fish's carefree nature defies categorization. Add to that Saturn, the ruling planet of the dark side of the universe, and a complex yet courageous image emerges. No other zodiac sign's woman, when faced with major setbacks, can analyze the situation, the odds of success, and how to improve the situation without emotional reaction.
Capricorn, yet she was like an unyielding blade of grass, bending with the wind yet standing tall against it, calmly assessing the situation and maneuvering forward...
On the plane, nestled affectionately in Cheng Zheng's arms, I so loved this unrestrained, rebellious demeanor in front of strangers. Real society is too full of unspoken rules and repression; I need to change my persona from time to time to ease myself.
On April 28, 2013, after landing in Malé, the plane flew to Sun Island.
The island was sunny and the air was so clear it seemed washed with mountain spring water.
Such a beautiful island, such a beautiful time, yet I was so lazy I felt drowsy, too lazy to walk. I reached out to Cheng Zheng playfully, saying, "Darling, carry me."
Cheng Zheng bent over affectionately, turning back to say, "I'm willing to be your humble servant, come on, baby."
I leaped lightly onto him, hugging his neck, and he carried me leisurely.
I leaned against his back, completely relaxed, gazing at the blue sky, white clouds, sandy beach, and ocean. I murmured, "Cheng Zheng, thank you for letting me know you, thank you for falling in love with me, thank you for your unconditional trust, thank you for not having met the woman you wanted to marry before, but finally agreeing to marry me."
My tears silently rolled down his neck. He playfully scratched my buttocks a few times, then turned and bit my delicate chin, saying, "You don't need to try to seduce me anymore. Even without you, I'm already blissfully lost. Don't worry, baby, I'll love you with my life."
I laughed behind him, my pearly teeth playfully nibbling at his earlobe. "You're really good at bewitching me. Even though promises aren't meant to be kept, saying them now still feels touching, honey. What am I going to do? I want you again..." Cheng Zheng's body stiffened, his breathing quickening instantly. "You little devil, it's me who wants you, not you who wants me. You can only be wanted..." I deliberately continued to tease him. "No, I insist! I want you!"
There were forest huts nearby, but no one knew us. Cheng Zheng, having successfully "picked the beans," carried me into the primeval rainforest. The dense foliage was as beautiful as a Renaissance painting.
On a secluded and clean sandy path, we rolled and kissed.
He said he hadn't made love properly for years, and he wanted to make up for all the pleasures he'd neglected. He wanted to make love as passionately as possible, day and night.
I pressed him down on the sand, spreading my legs and straddling his stomach.
I wasn't wearing anything under my bohemian maxi dress. He slipped his hands inside and loosened his belt.
I braced my hands on his chest, looking at him seductively, and slowly sat down, aligning my hips with his hot member.
Cheng Zheng breathed heavily, his hands caressing my breasts, his gaze fixed on me passionately. We became intimately intertwined.
I opened my red lips and let out a loud moan, my long hair swirling wildly behind my head, my body rising and falling against him beneath my dress.
His body stiffened, responding to my thrusts, and he asked me in a hoarse voice, "Baby, why do we feel so good together?"
He had asked me this question so many times.
I couldn't bear to look into his adoring gaze, so I buried my face in his, pressing my lips to his, my tongue actively entering his mouth, capturing his large tongue, sucking and entwining it, while my breasts pressed tightly against his chest, my legs grinding and demanding.
I craved Cheng Zheng's love, but I couldn't face it openly because my heart held too many secrets that couldn't be exposed to the light of day.
Like everything recorded in this diary, a book whose contents no one knows.
He entered me deeply, and I gripped him tightly, sucking and contracting, the intense stimulation overwhelming us. Cheng Zheng finally couldn't bear the throbbing pleasure of the stimulating friction and released himself with abandon.
He lay wearily on the sand beneath me, holding me close, and said contentedly, "Fairy, I love you, and I love being taken from you so indiscriminately."
I laughed, my long hair falling loosely over his face, and shamelessly said, "Man, you just got fucked by me, hee hee."
He squeezed my wet, delicate buttocks hard, "Fairy! A fairy who sucks men's marrow!"　　　(Note : 　　The last sentence
appears to be an advertisement and
is not part of the narrative.) My online name is "Baby." 　　That night, Qiao Baby, that little devil, was again entangled with Cheng Zheng. As he drifted off to sleep like a playful child, I rose from his arms and sat beside him. Under the starlight and night sky of Sun Island in the Indian Ocean, I carefully observed the handsome features in his eyes. 　　Was I finally married? Had I finally married a man? 　　This man named Cheng Zheng, we met by chance, traveled thousands of miles to get to know each other, and after just one meeting, we resolutely decided to entrust our lives to each other? 　　Our acquaintance, meeting, knowing each other, and falling in love was simply too dramatic. I will mention these things later.　　　He, a self-proclaimed tough-on-the-bones, soft-on-the-heart urban single man, was born in Yan'an, grew up in Xiangfan, and works in Shanghai, while I had always been moving between provinces including S City. 　　In the years to come, would he, Cheng Zheng, whom I married in a whirlwind romance, truly accept my broken and shattered soul completely?　　　On the evening of April 28, 2013, I sat quietly beside him, gazing at him intently, tears streaming down my face. 　　The past felt like a dream, yet so vividly real. 　　If he knew everything that had happened in my youth, would he still love me as he claimed? 　　When we first met by chance, he looked at me with piercing eyes, his mouth agape in astonishment, but he didn't dare ask, "Are you Baby?" 　　At that time, we never exchanged photos. 　　My online name was the same as my real name: Baby. 　　But people generally don't believe that a woman would dare use her real name as her online name. 　　Baby—this online name sounded so clichéd and fake. 　　When we first met online, I told Cheng Zheng, who was thirty-eight, that I was a thirty-three-year-old single woman, a freelancer with no job security. 　　He didn't comment, saying that as long as we clicked, he didn't care what my real identity was like. Then he jokingly added that his words went against a man's nature, sounding rather fake, haha. 　　But he didn't know that everyone around me knew that 33-year-old Qiao Baobao possessed the vibrant, youthful beauty of a 20-year-old. 　　In the S City government, this was a source of envy and resentment for many women. 　　Many people had asked me about my secret to eternal youth, and I simply smiled and said I was born this way, there was no secret. 　　How could there be no secret? Before I turned 20, I was a gloomy, ugly duckling for a long time, never even having a proper first love. But in the days and nights after 20, while my heart underwent profound changes, my appearance, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, remained forever entrenched in the beautiful allure of youth. 　　So, when Cheng Zheng first saw my true face at the airport, he stared at me with wide eyes, unable to easily reconcile the image of a 33-year-old single woman with the youthful beauty of a 20-year-old.　　　And all of this began with my family, continuing until this year, explaining why I became the Qiao Baobao I am today. 　　From birth to death, everyone carries the same name, representing the same person. Yet, in reality, each individual life has long since transformed into many different selves. The journey of the heart determines one's outward words and actions, and the subversion or reshaping of one's values. 　　Those dark days I've lived through still occasionally wake me in the middle of the night, tears streaming down my face. 　　The year 2000 was a year many had long awaited—the year of the new century. 　　I remember in 1986, during my first-grade Chinese class, a privately-employed teacher jokingly told us that when he was in junior high school, a privately-employed teacher who taught politics had told them with boundless anticipation that by the year 2000, our country would basically be crossing the threshold of communism. At that time, ordinary people would be freed from heavy manual labor, and robots would serve us in all kinds of work. We would each have a car, eat well, dress well, and leisurely stroll around the streets, travel, and when we ran out of gas, we would go to the gas station and have a robot fill up the tank for us without spending a penny. But when the year 2000 actually arrived, for ordinary people, it was just like every other ordinary day before, passing by peacefully and uneventfully, and could also slip away completely without any meaning at any time.

At the turn of the century, I was about to graduate from university, burying myself in books like a penitent preparing for graduate school entrance exams.
I was very thin then, like a withered flower bud that never bloomed, hiding drastically among the vibrant green leaves of my peers, ignored by others and ignored myself.
I wore the cheapest clothes, had the most outdated straight hair, didn't know how to do makeup, didn't know how to socialize, and had no interests other than reading.
In my youth, I never experienced a dreamlike, pure first love; instead, like a groundhog afraid to see the sun, I hid in my own little burrow, foolishly harboring a secret crush on a delinquent named Fu Shi.
In 1992, in my first year of junior high, I was like a weak bean sprout, deeply bewitched by Fu Shi, the most notorious bad student in the entire school, hopelessly in love with him, infatuated with him—just like that popular saying on Weibo now: "In youth, who hasn't loved a scumbag or two?"
I'll talk about Fu Shi later. Let me start by remembering why I suddenly decided to take the civil service exam in 2000.
In 1986, when I was six, my father, who had married into the family, was having an affair. My mother discovered this and, being a strong-willed woman, couldn't bear the betrayal and humiliation of her devoted love. She poisoned my father's drink, and they both died from it.
In the autumn of 2000, my maternal grandmother, my only family, suddenly fell critically ill and was taken to the county hospital by the villagers.
When I rushed back to the hospital from school, I found my critically ill grandmother in a very ordinary eight-bed ward. Patients were urinating and defecating in the room, creating a foul odor. The patients and their families in this ward all wore sorrowful faces, displaying a resigned indifference to this undignified state of being.
Chapter 005. Why did I kneel and cry by my grandmother's bedside when I took the civil service exam? I wanted to move my dying grandmother to a ward with fewer beds, because the cost of an eight-person ward and a four-person ward was the same. I saw that a patient had just been discharged from the four-person ward, leaving a bed available.
If I had any influence, I could easily have moved my grandmother to that ward where the condition was relatively better. But at that time, I had nothing—no money, no power, no connections. I could only watch helplessly as an elderly woman in the same ward, whose daughter worked in a government agency, successfully moved to that room.
The other patients sighed, "Ah, she has some real power after all. Unlike us ordinary folks, we can't even get a word in edgewise at the hospital."
My grandmother spent the last moments of her life in that crowded, noisy, dirty, and chaotic ward, filled with the stench of body odor and excrement.
Perhaps many people in society die in such circumstances, and perhaps many helpless families choose to accept it indifferently. But if you haven't personally experienced the devastating feeling of losing your only loved one in such harsh conditions, you won't understand the self-blame and grief I felt at that time.
Late at night on August 3, 2000, my grandmother woke up from her coma, tightly holding my hand, tears silently streaming down her face. With the last strength of her life, she said to me, "Baby, we're all gone now. From now on, you must take good care of yourself. Keep this little booklet your grandparents left you safe. Don't look at it or learn from it unless absolutely necessary, understand? Grandma's leaving, my baby."
Late at night, alone and helpless, I cried out in anguish in the silent hospital room.
I had seen the little booklet my grandmother mentioned when I was little. It had no words, only some hieroglyphic-like pictures engraved on a few pages of parchment. At that time, my grandmother wouldn't let me look at it, saying that good girls shouldn't look at such things.
I was naively curious and asked my mother what was depicted in those pictures. She said they taught women how to take care of themselves, and that following their instructions would keep them young forever.
I asked her why Grandma wouldn't let me and her learn from them. Why didn't Grandma learn either? I didn't want Grandma to get older.
My mother gently hugged me and said, "You're too young to understand. As for Grandma and me, we just want to live a simple life, to be ordinary women. There's no need for us to learn."
But my father's betrayal of our marriage shattered my mother's ideal of a simple life. She chose a decisive break, like a snapping string, playing the final, poignant note of her life.
At my grandmother's funeral, only Uncle Qiao Zhuang, our neighbor, and a few kind villagers helped me bury her in the Qiao family ancestral graveyard.
Because my father married into the Qiao family, I took my mother's surname, Qiao. Beside my grandmother's grave lay my deceased grandfather, father, and mother.
Uncle Qiao and his wife pulled me up, having cried until I had no more tears left. They patted my shoulder and said, "Child, don't be sad. If you're like this, your grandparents won't be at peace in the afterlife. Life goes on. Work hard, find a good young man, get married, have a child, and you'll have a long and happy life ahead of you! Uncle Qiao's house will be your family home from now on!"
After thanking the elderly couple, I left the desolate and remote cemetery and walked alone towards the town bus station to catch a bus back to school.
On Lingshan Mountain, northeast of the town, a new commercial cemetery had been built. Nestled against the mountain and facing the water, it was said that an ordinary burial plot there was enough for an average farming family to live on for ten years.
I saw a long line of black cars escorting a luxuriously decorated hearse, a grand procession playing mournful music as it drove towards the cemetery.
Passersby all stood on the side of the road, glancing sideways.
An honest, haggard-looking farmer said enviously, "I heard that's the hearse for the father of the top official in some county bureau. Look how grand his death is! He died with more fanfare than us. Tsk tsk, our lives are as worthless as grass." On
August 5, 2000, at that moment, I suddenly changed my mind about continuing my postgraduate studies and decided to take the civil service exam, which was just becoming popular in the area at the turn of the century.
For someone from a poor family, whose life had always been mundane and even as insignificant as grass, I didn't really understand the civil service profession. I simply thought that if I wanted to enter the elite class in the future, I had to at least cross the threshold to reach it, right?
You see, the reasons for the changes and opportunities in a person's fate are sometimes so ridiculous, naive, simple, and even vulgar.
What solidified my low-minded determination was a woman in the village named Xiao Xiaofeng.
She was almost a persistent ghost in my childhood and adolescence.
She wasn't pretty, but my grandmother, mother, and all the women and men in the town said she was very seductive.
She had an uncle who was the deputy county head, and that alone was enough for her to run rampant in our small town.
She was thirty-two and unmarried, brazenly seducing all sorts of men—anyone she fancied, including my father.
So, she was the invisible killer who led to the deaths of both my parents.
Because of her interference in my parents' lives, my six-year-old grandmother and I were left to fend for ourselves, poor, insecure, and vulnerable to bullying.
If it weren't for the constant financial support from our neighbor, Uncle Qiao Zhuang's family, my grandmother might have died even earlier from overwork, and I would never have been able to go to university.
I was about to leave town when I saw Uncle Qiao Zhuang, who had just helped with my grandmother's funeral, running frantically towards the town police station, wailing all the while.
His aged body, topped with gray hair, staggered, but he ran with astonishing speed.
Many people, unaware of what was happening, gathered around the police station, and I followed.
The body of Qiao Zhuang's son, Qiao Kang, lay there starkly.
Qiao Kang had been working away from home, and when he returned to visit, he was targeted by Xiao Xiaofeng, who harassed him. When he refused, she became enraged and falsely accused him of rape.
Qiao Kang was taken to the police station for questioning, and after two nights and a day of not returning home, he mysteriously died in the interrogation room. The police said that Qiao Kang died suddenly from a venous thrombosis that entered his lungs.
His son was dead, the case unsolved, and then a terrible fire suddenly broke out in Qiao Zhuang's four houses, reducing them to ashes.
Kind-hearted people secretly advised the elderly couple to let it go, that they couldn't afford to offend the woman surnamed Xiao, and to let go of their son's case—it was like an egg trying to fight a rock—and to save their lives to raise their grandson, Qiqi. Devastated,
Uncle Qiao lost his voice overnight, becoming mute. Aunt Qiao's hair turned white overnight, and she went blind. Her daughter-in-law cruelly left this utterly destroyed family.
I gave Uncle Qiao the keys to my family's few dilapidated rooms, letting them move in. The old man's eyes were vacant, his tears already dried. I hugged Aunt Qiao and cried, saying, "From now on, I'll be your granddaughter."
I didn't say anything more, only silently pondering in my heart, "Woman surnamed Xiao, will you have the last laugh…?
"
Back at school, I started frantically studying for the civil service exam with a female classmate who was also bad at romance.
Her name was Hu Hehe. We chose the same career path back then, and she became my only best friend over the years, though our romantic paths diverged drastically.
She was a warm, cheerful, and intelligent girl, a student council member, with a somewhat tomboyish personality. The boys jokingly said she wasn't suited for dating, but more for being a buddy.
Our friendship began on May 28, 1999. In the middle of the night, she went to the dormitory platform to collect some forgotten underwear and heard me standing alone on the platform, softly singing song after song under the starry sky.
Those beautiful love songs, the kind I'd never experienced before, brought tears to my eyes.
The stars were bright that night, the spring breeze was gentle, and Hehe was deeply moved by my singing and my solitary tears.
Chapter 006. The wicked male teacher stepped forward and hugged me warmly, saying sincerely, "Qiao Baobao, I'm the first person to discover your amazing potential. You should participate in a singing competition; don't bury your beautiful voice!"
I smiled shyly and quietly said, "I just want to be an ordinary girl, to have a beautiful and lasting love affair. I don't have the energy to do anything more. "
From the evening of May 28, 1999, Hu Hehe and I became inseparable best friends. At that time, I, an ordinary girl, fell deeply in love with the kind-hearted and very popular Hehe.
To participate in the provincial selection exam for civil servants, one must first pass the school's review. At that time, I was just a member of the Youth League, an ordinary girl with no outstanding achievements, used to being alone, and had no beneficial contact with the school.
Hu Hehe was already a Party member and a student union cadre, so her review was thorough. To ensure I could take the exam smoothly, she acted as a go-between, quickly communicating with the school.
That evening, Hehe treated the school leader in charge of the review to dinner, asking him to help approve my somewhat flimsy application.
Hehe had never drunk red wine before, but that night, for my sake, she splurged on a bottle costing several hundred yuan. However, she was allergic to red wine; after only two sips, she was completely drunk and passed out, falling soundly asleep on the sofa.
In the quiet hotel room, only the school leader and I remained.
That day felt like a nightmare; I don't want to record its exact date.
The school leader, surnamed Chen, was in his forties, quite refined-looking, wearing sophisticated glasses. His smile was gentle, but behind the glasses, a fleeting glint of light lurked in his eyes, making me feel a chilling fear when he looked at me.
We had both been drinking, and my face must have been flushed. When I saw Hehe pass out, I hurriedly stood up and said, "Teacher Chen, I'm sorry, Hehe is drunk. We have to go back now. I'll leave my affairs to you."
At that moment, I didn't dare to look people in the eye when I spoke, and my voice trembled, like a shy mimosa that easily closes its head.
Chen also stood up from his chair, looking at me with a half-smile. He walked up to me, stopped, and didn't say a word.
A sense of oppression from a grown man enveloped me, and I began to tremble involuntarily, my head drooping even lower.
Suddenly, a hand reached down to my chin. The warm touch of male skin made my whole body stiffen, my teeth chattered, and I passively looked up at him.
He used his fingers to lift my chin, and placed his other hand on my forehead, brushing aside the hair that I usually covered half of my face. A playful smile played on his lips as he scrutinized me intently.
I stared at him nervously, my lips trembling as I stammered, "Teacher Chen, is that you?"
His hand gently caressed my face, deliberately rubbing my earlobe, his fingers brushing against my lips, sending shivers down my spine. Instinctively, I wanted to run away, but I found myself as if under a spell; my legs went weak, my body beyond my control.
He lowered his head, his breath hot against my ear, and whispered, "I didn't expect you to have such a good foundation. You're like a rough gem hidden beneath a stone, a little beauty in the making. Hehe, you know, there are many students who want to pass the screening, but you don't meet almost any of the requirements. I'm asking you, do you really want to take this exam that could change your destiny?"
I almost cried, feeling utterly hopeless. He had hit my weak spot. If I wanted to escape this fate of being constantly at the mercy of others in the future, I really needed to take this exam.
At the time, I didn't know that I could directly exchange my youth for the favor of powerful men to succeed or rise in status. I only knew the foolish and naive idea of relying on my so-called real abilities and taking exams to change my fate.
Tears streamed down my face, which I never wore makeup. I pleaded softly, "Teacher Chen, please help me."
He pushed me against the wall, leaving me with nowhere to retreat. I passively watched his playful gaze, his eyes gleaming with a hunter's glint. His fingers continued to press against my lips, saying, "You look even more charming when you cry, hehe, I like it."
As he spoke, he pinched my chin, tilted his head, and began to tentatively kiss me.
His lips brushed against mine, and I trembled all over. Instinctively, I wanted to push him away, but he continued his teasing without allowing any argument, his hand covering my breasts, which were tightly bound inside my clothes.
My sobs grew clearer as I struggled between him and the wall, pleading, "Teacher Chen, please, please don't. I'll repay you properly after I get a job."
Chen continued to touch my lips with his, saying wickedly, "But I like immediate repayment, hehe. Don't worry, I won't really touch you, I just want to play with you. Whether you do it or not is up to you. If you don't agree, I'll let you go right now."
Chapter 007. He held back, then raised his head, looking at me wickedly, the flames in his eyes seeming to devour me.
My tears flowed uncontrollably, and I could only murmur, "No, please help me, no."
Chen wasn't in a hurry. He was very patient, continuing to enjoy my pitiful crying. His fingers lingered on my lips, wiping away the tears that dripped into the corners of my mouth, while his other hand circled and pressed on my breasts. He said, "Don't be afraid. Just do as I say, and I won't really touch you, okay?"
I shook my head, looking at him, not understanding what he meant.
He brought his mouth close to my ear and uttered a word.
I trembled with shame, and tears streamed down my face like a waterfall.
He waited a while, and seeing that I was still struggling with my thoughts, he lost patience and began to slip one hand inside my clothes, touching my skin.
My whole body stiffened, a wave of shame washing over me, but I gritted my teeth and endured it.
His hand groped inside my clothes for a while, finally skillfully unhooking my bra. My tender breasts fell into his clutches, and I let out a suppressed moan. At that moment, I wished I could faint and forget everything.
His fingers teased and kneaded my nipples, praising them with pleasure, "So tight, feels so good. Looks like you weren't lying, you really haven't been in a relationship yet. Ah, I really want to be inside you completely."
His other hand tried to slip under my skirt, and I nervously grabbed his wrist, resisting, "No, no! I can only accept what you do for me, please."
He cursed, weighed his options, perhaps knowing that if he pushed me too far, I would give up begging and choose to back down, so he stopped trying to slip under my skirt and urgently commanded me, "Alright, hurry up, be sensible, serve me!"
I silently shed tears and obediently knelt down before him. His hands continued to linger on my breasts, kneading my youthful curves, while his other hand lifted my chin, ordering me to look up at him and do it for him.
My eyes were filled with tears, and I couldn't see his sinful face. Trembling, I unzipped his pants.
He groaned, and when I touched him, his body was already hard as stone. It was my first time touching a man's unfamiliar territory; fear, tension, despair overwhelmed me.
I forced myself to obey his demands, suppressing my tears, looking at him pitifully and passively, opening my innocent mouth.
When my tongue touched his sinful touch, he shuddered comfortably, restraining himself as he said, "Great, your little mouth has never been touched by a man before."
I shook my head, wanting only to end this shameful ordeal as quickly as possible, awkwardly following his instructions, moving haphazardly on his body.
Those ten minutes felt like an eternity to me. My mind was completely blank; I couldn't remember exactly how I did it to him, only mechanically moving my lips and tongue, constantly moving my head back and forth.
His hand pressed hard on my head, groaning wickedly, muttering vulgarities, deliberately humiliating my submissive state. Seeing the tears streaming down my face and my grotesque movements brought him immense satisfaction and pleasure.
When that unfamiliar substance finally sprayed mercilessly onto my chest, he breathed heavily with relief, clutching his own guilty body tightly.
I collapsed at his feet, sobbing uncontrollably. He caught his breath for a moment, straightened his clothes, and walked away.
When Hehe sobered up, I was still lying on the ground, silently weeping. During that time, one thought kept replaying in my mind: Die! Die! Die! If I died, I wouldn't have to suffer this humiliation and pain anymore. If I died, I could be with my grandmother and mother.
Hehe weakly rushed to my side, asking what was wrong? Where was Chen?
I cried my heart out, telling her what had happened, saying I didn't want to take the exam anymore, afraid he would continue to make things difficult for me.
But if I gave up the opportunity to take the civil service exam, for me in 2000, was there any other better way to change my fate?
Hehe angrily cursed and cried with me.
But after crying, she firmly said, "You must take the exam!" For ordinary girls like us from small towns, taking the civil service exam is a difficult path, but it might also be a path where we can rise above our circumstances, perhaps even securing a comfortable job and a peaceful life. Changing our cruelly manipulated fate is entirely up to us.
Helplessly, I asked her what to do. How could that Mr. Chen so easily agree to my request?
Hehe gritted her teeth and sneered, "Damn it, looks like I was right to keep this up. That Chen guy usually acts all respectable, but I always sensed a wolf in sheep's clothing in his eyes, and I was right.
If he dares to make a move, we'll fight him to the death!" (
Chapter 008. The Secret Manual of Nourishing Yin and Yang) As she spoke, she turned back to the sofa where she had been lying, picked up her bag, and pulled out a small, spinning tape recorder.
Back then, Hu Hehe had more social experience and was more shrewd in dealing with people than I was. She had actually prepared an ambush beforehand, pressing the record button on the small tape recorder she had prepared in her bag the moment she passed out drunk!
In March 2001, I successfully registered for the provincial organization department's selection examination for civil servants. In April, I took the written exam, somewhat bewildered.
After the exam, I met a girl named Dong Qing. She was beautiful and enthusiastic, and quickly became acquainted with Hehe and me. She bluntly stated that the interview was very important, especially the need to quickly improve one's appearance and demeanor. For those of us without connections or background, taking the exam "unprepared," we had to strive to make a strong impression on the interviewer. She had already paid for a specialized interview coaching class.
Hehe noncommittally said that time was too short, and cultivating one's manners and speech was not something that could be done overnight. Last-minute cramming would probably not be very effective; it was more important to prepare well for the interview questions.
Hehe's overall qualifications were better than mine. If she failed the civil service exam, her father, who worked in the county administration, could help arrange a decent job. But for me, it was truly a do-or-die situation. I didn't want to lose, and I couldn't afford to lose. I had no better options.
I was fed up with the kind of life Uncle Qiao led, where I gritted my teeth and endured the pain.
During that time, I was obsessed, preparing for job interviews and racking my brains to study the little parchment scroll my grandmother had left me.
At the time, I had no idea how that booklet had come into the Qiao family, nor how to decipher it, because neither my grandmother nor my mother had ever let me directly touch it.
Later, as more people entered my life, I learned about the booklet's history.
Before she passed away, my grandmother said that the reason she wanted me to study the scroll so diligently was because she had no other family left in the world. She didn't want me to live a hard life; she hoped that by studying the scroll, I could prolong my youth, allowing myself to live longer and be more vibrant.
On the evening of April 15, 2001, I opened that mysterious booklet for the first time with a serious attitude. Looking at the pictographic illustrations and symbols that resembled incantations, I felt as if I had been drawn into a wondrous and eerie dream world.
That night, none of the girls in the dormitory were there; some were busy with their impending, passionate love affairs before graduation, others were busy looking for jobs, and some were doing internships outside. I was the only one left in the room.
That night, the temperature was unusually high, almost like early summer, as if it were mid-spring. Several single-petaled cherry blossoms outside the third-floor window were in full bloom, like passionate love in the prime of youth.
I lay in bed, reading the booklet. In the warm spring night, my mind was hazy, as if I were in a virtual world, my body and mind no longer mine, my body stirring with the mysterious language of the beginning of all things.
I took off all my clothes and stood by the window. The moonlight streamed in, casting a soft glow on my porcelain-like skin.
My eyes were unfocused, my hands roaming over my body, carefully examining my form.
My body, usually shrouded in cheap clothes, was so beautiful, more alluring than the cherry blossoms outside the window. It was just that I usually hid it so well, no one could see its true beauty, not even myself.
Her cone-shaped breasts, like full lotus pods, were elegant and proud, their nipples round and firm, a translucent pink. When my fingers touched them, two currents of electricity surged through me like a stream, running down to my toes. I couldn't help but moan softly.
I was so glad that the despicable Chen hadn't seen their true form.
My hand slid from my breasts, tracing the curves to my abdomen, where it was flat, firm, and nestled in an oval, teardrop-shaped navel. My
fingers caressed it tenderly, sending a shiver through my body.
For the first time, I realized that touching skin could bring such a wondrous physical sensation.
I didn't have the courage to look into the closed area between my legs. My hand lingered there for a long time before I shyly withdrew it. Inside, there was a deep surge of desire and an unspeakable longing.
Chen's sinful body flashed through my mind.
I bit my lower lip tightly, a sharp pain shooting through me. I thought, one day, I will take my revenge on him!
And on that woman surnamed Xiao.
On the day Chen humiliated me, after returning from the hotel, I ran to the bathroom and gagged for a long time, brushing my teeth for an hour until my gums and lips were swollen.
My pure and beautiful lips, lips that had never even tasted the flavor of love, how could they be so filthyly polluted and desecrated by him?
Starting from the evening of April 15, 2001, I began to diligently study that little sheepskin manual, creating my own breathing techniques, lifting my buttocks and contracting my genitals, tightening my abdomen and anus, and following the instructions in the diagrams to perform acupressure, massage, and pressing on certain meridians and acupoints throughout my body, as well as cultivating subtle emotions in my eyebrows, eyes, and every gesture.
That kind of study was merely a beginner's dabbling.
Later, it proved that the knowledge in that booklet was so vast that I couldn't fathom it. Its seemingly simple diagrams contained profound and mysterious things, which I think I could never fully understand in my entire life.
At that time, I hadn't truly experienced the pleasure between men and women; I was just exploring and pondering in a daze.
It was fate that I didn't go mad.
I made a do-or-die decision: to fully grasp its essence, I had to wait until my virginity was broken for it to be truly effective! Where was the man I was willing to give my virginity to? Who was he?
Over the past ten years, this booklet had brought me not only a complete transformation in appearance and spirit, but also many unexpected benefits…
And if this booklet hadn't fallen into the hands of an honest person like my grandmother, but instead into the hands of an ambitious and unscrupulous individual, the impact on the world would have been a series of disasters.
Sometimes I wonder, should such a mysterious and dangerous thing continue to exist in the world? I'm glad my intelligence isn't very high, glad I only used its beneficial parts.
In 2000, I couldn't have foreseen what that seemingly simple yet incredibly complex booklet would bring me in the years to come…
Chapter 009. On May 12, 2001, Dong Qing asked me to go with her to meet someone in charge of interviews. She said she had finally managed to befriend him, figured out his preferences, and knew he loved to sing and was very talkative once he touched a microphone.
She wanted to go to karaoke with him alone, but felt uneasy. Hu Hehe had told her I had a good voice, so she wanted me to go with her for courage.
I was conflicted, unsure whether to go.
In my twenty years of life experience, I knew nothing about men. My closest man—my father—had passed away when I was six, and I had never had the chance to understand their characteristics firsthand.
I didn't tell Hehe that I was going to accompany Dong Qing to meet Liu, the interviewer. Since the Chen incident, Hehe had rejected such risky private social interactions.
But in just a few months, psychologically, I was no longer the pitiful and foolish Qiao Baobao I had been with Chen.
Dong Qing and I went to a less popular karaoke room to avoid suspicion.
I wore very ordinary clothes, utterly lacking in style or appearance; they made me look like a malnourished country nanny. My hair was deliberately unwashed, like oily, watery noodles, draped over my shoulders, obscuring half my face. My expression was restrained, lacking any of the lively charm of a girl.
After meeting me, Dong Qing insisted on taking me to her place to redo my appearance, forcing me to at least tie my hair up in a ponytail and show my face, which I politely declined with feigned shyness.
I could tell she was very displeased with my appearance, saying that the interviewer wouldn't have a good impression of me at all.
I stayed with her in the private room, and the man finally arrived. I only glanced at him; he looked similar to Chen, also appearing refined and gentlemanly.
I felt somewhat bewildered. No wonder my grandmother, on her deathbed, worriedly said, "Baby, leaving you alone in this world feels like leaving a helpless lamb alone in a wilderness teeming with wolves."
Having witnessed Chen's ugliness, and now facing Liu, I wondered to myself, are all men wolves in sheep's clothing? Including my father, who died because of his infidelity?
Dong Qing enthusiastically recommended my good voice to Liu, but after glancing at me a few times, Liu showed no interest in my drab appearance, his expression revealing displeasure.
Dong Qing, having no other choice, tried to liven things up, smiling sweetly as she drank and talked with Liu, while also giving me knowing glances, urging me to perform well and sing a few songs.
Not wanting to completely dampen Liu's spirits, I grabbed the microphone and chose a few standard, decadent tunes to sing.
The soft female voice, the hazy music, immediately created an ambiguous atmosphere in the dimly lit private room.
Dong Qing sat next to Liu, dressed quite fashionably and professionally; it seemed her paid interview coaching classes had been very effective.
A delicate white blouse hugged her full figure; the blouse was rather tight, and because of her posture, it peeked out slightly, revealing a glimpse of her black bra underneath.
She wore a tight skirt, very short, and her two legs, clad in stockings, were very alluringly exposed to Liu's eyes. As
I sang, I caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye that Liu's hand had intentionally or unintentionally landed on Dong Qing's leg. Her face flushed, she wanted to dodge but dared not, and had to force a smile, but her expression was somewhat anxious.
A subtle, almost imperceptible smile crept across my lips as I sang the song off-key, my voice growing increasingly slurred and low, clearly a sign of alcohol poisoning. Finally, I slumped rather ungracefully onto the sofa in the corner of the private room.
I heard Liu chuckle and whisper to Dong Qing, "This is the girl you introduced to me? Bringing a girl like this to meet me is so insincere, isn't it? What are you planning to do? Heh."
Dong Qing's voice softened as well, "I'm sorry, she... I didn't expect her to be so unpresentable. She's actually quite pretty, and very innocent and cute, just doesn't know how to dress. You've heard her sing, haven't you? You said you like girls with naturally beautiful voices, right?"
Liu, under the guise of alcohol, began to grope Dong Qing. "I think she's not even as innocent and cute as you, heh. I don't want to hear any beautiful voices right now." "I'd like to hear a nice voice sing, how about it? You invited me here, and she didn't keep me company. How about you take over?"
Dong Qing struggled in his arms, anxiously protesting, "You, you mustn't, we agreed it was you and her,"
Liu had already pressed her down on the sofa, panting, "I don't want to be with her, I want to be with you! Do you even want to pass this interview? You went to so much trouble to find me, you should know my influence, right? Are you willing to give up halfway?"
Dong Qing was like a small animal caught in a tiger's den, with no way out. She pitifully said, "Don't be angry, I, of course I want you to help me, but, I'm not a virgin, she really has never been in a relationship before, I, I have a boyfriend, you won't look down on me and go back on your word, will you?"
Chapter 010. The shameless Liu had already torn open her clothes, his mouth pressed against her breasts, licking and kissing them, saying, "Now, I don't care if you're a virgin or not, you drugged my drink, didn't you? I'm about to explode, you have to take responsibility for putting out this fire!"
Dong Qing whimpered desperately, still making a last, futile resistance, but her voice already revealed extreme desire. As her clothes were peeled away in Liu's hands, her struggles turned into suppressed moans.
Meanwhile, I, lying on the sofa in another corner, hadn't actually fallen asleep; I had witnessed their indecent behavior the entire time.
Just now, when they weren't looking, I had switched the wine glass Dong Qing had poured for me with hers.
Otherwise, it would probably be me, the innocent one, burning with desire, pressed beneath Liu now.
Low, languid music echoed in the private room, but it couldn't mask the rough, heavy breathing emanating from the man and woman on the sofa so close to each other.
Dong Qing had indeed been in several relationships and was no longer a virgin. So, fueled by the drugged wine, she no longer had the willpower to truly resist Liu's wanton plundering of her.
I didn't want to witness their shameful act, but I couldn't resist my curiosity. Listening to their suppressed moans, it felt as if countless tiny ants were crawling inside me, restlessly burrowing into every crevice, making my bones and nerves feel hot, itchy, and numb.
I buried my face in the sofa beside me, secretly squinting at Dong Qing.
Her shirt had been completely ripped open by Liu, and her black bra had been pushed up, revealing a pair of round breasts in front of him. His face was buried in them, his lips and tongue making smacking sounds, his hands groping haphazardly all over Dong Qing's body.
I clenched my fists tightly, afraid to make a sound or move. The throbbing inside me felt like my whole body was on fire, a hot, itchy stream flowing down my lower abdomen, making my crotch a wet mess.
Dong Qing's brows furrowed, her red lips parted, and she kept letting out moans of unbearable pleasure, her hands weakly running through Liu's hair.
Liu pulled her tight skirt up to her stomach, and I saw him pull off her underwear and throw it on the ground. His strong body spread her legs apart.
Dong Qing obediently wrapped her legs around his waist. Liu's hands reached down, fiddling with his belt for a few moments, then suddenly he thrust his hips down forcefully, and the two of them let out suppressed moans.
The sound seeped into my heart like a curse, and my body convulsed. A hot stream gushed out between my legs. In my daze, my heart pounded wildly, not understanding why I was reacting this way.
Liu's body began to thrust rapidly against Dong Qing's, his movements vigorous and powerful. Dong Qing was completely captivated by the drugged wine and the man, letting out seductive moans, her mind hazy as she murmured Liu's job title and name, pleading with him to find a way to help her pass the interview.
Liu, sweating profusely and panting heavily, said, "Don't worry, baby, as long as you behave and let me enjoy you like this often, I won't mistreat you. Damn, it feels so good. I never thought a college student like you could be so alluring." Dong Qing thrust her insatiable body while fawning over him, trying her best to please him. The sounds and movements they made almost made me, trapped on the sofa next to them, want to struggle against my restraint.
I don't know how long they did it, until Dong Qing seemed to have passed out from the intense pleasure, then Liu got off her, tidied his clothes, and left.
I continued to lie there pretending to be asleep. Dong Qing slumped on the sofa and rested for a while before struggling to sit up. She tidied her disheveled clothes, got up, walked over to me, and slapped me a few times rudely, saying coldly, "Hey, Qiao Baobao, how long are you going to stay drunk? Honestly, if I had known this would happen, who would have brought you here?"
I got up from the sofa, casually stuffing something under me into my bag, and pretended to be dazed, rubbing my eyes, saying, "Wasn't I singing? How did I fall asleep? Where's Liu?"
Dong Qing walked out indifferently, saying, "He's gone. I didn't expect you to be so unpresentable. I think your interview is definitely over. You're not suited for this path. You should just hurry up and find an ordinary job and live an ordinary life."
I followed her out of the karaoke room, letting her talk, remaining silent.
She was too lazy to talk to me anymore, and after reaching the roadside, she took a taxi and left.
I walked alone to the deserted bus stop, my legs weak and utterly powerless. My skirt was soaked through, as if I were the girl who had just been drugged and tormented.
Back in the empty dorm room, I turned on the small tape recorder in my bag and pressed play.
Chapter 011. Taking Control. The recording started playing again, filled with a cacophony of sounds: the mixed panting of men and women, moans, cries, and obscene conversations.
My body,
still aroused, became restless again. I had learned the art of recording evidence from Hehe perfectly.
I wasn't sure if it would work, but for me back then, this was the only childish method of espionage I could employ.
Hehe once told me that to judge whether someone harbored murderous intent or dark thoughts, one had to be adept at capturing fleeting glimpses in their eyes and analyzing the subtle clues revealed in their words.
We may not have malicious intentions, but we must learn to be wary of others.
When Dong Qing and Hehe first met me, they were both very warm and cheerful. But feelings are a mysterious thing, and I knew that the affection they would have for me would be completely different.
Dong Qing wanted to secretly "sell" me to Liu in order to get us both interviewed, but she never expected that I, who seemed so rustic, would have such a treacherous heart.
Since she was so heartless, I had no choice but to be unjust in return.
Listening to the tape recorder, I lay on the dark bed, eyes closed, silently and repressively caressing my pure body.
My fingers brushed past my nipples, across my lower abdomen, landing on that mysterious, damp spot.
There, the desire of a young girl had always been overflowing, and my fingers finally couldn't resist touching it.
A surge of heat instantly welled up, and I let out a low moan.
That feeling was bone-chilling, soul-crushing.
On May 13, 2001, before cell phones were widespread, I called Dong Qing from a public phone.
She answered listlessly, seemingly unwilling to talk to me anymore. Just as she was about to hang up, she was startled by the tape I was playing and lost her composure.
She questioned me angrily and passionately.
But shouldn't I be the one who should be angry and questioning her first? Wasn't her initial intention to sell my virginity to get favors from Liu?
Now, I've given her a taste of her own medicine, and she, as her teacher, should appreciate how well I've learned.
Dong Qing, utterly dejected and filled with regret, could only compromise.
She dared not tell Liu that I had framed them both, that I had evidence of his infidelity.
She feared that if he retaliated against me, she, as an innocent bystander, would be implicated.
In the end, she could only helplessly ask me to promise that once she had dealt with Liu and gotten him to help us both pass the interviews, I must return the original recording to her.
I said okay, don't worry, I didn't want to create too much trouble or inner turmoil for myself.
She knew I might keep a copy to blackmail her later, but she had already lost the initiative and could only gamble that I wasn't as morally bankrupt as she was.
Dong Qing quickly forgot her frustration at having backfired.
She was smart; she knew that winning me over was better than making me her enemy. We were both vulnerable girls navigating society alone; having an ally was more advantageous than having an enemy.
At the beginning of our lives, we quickly became more complex and mature.
In just two days, I don't know how she managed to win over that hypocritical and sanctimonious Liu, but in any case, Dong Qing and I both passed the interview on May 16, 2001.
After passing all the medical examinations and reviews, we just waited for our specific job assignments. Dong Qing, Hu Hehe, and I celebrated with drinks, and I secretly gave her the tape.
Dong Qing, emboldened by the alcohol, laughed and cried, half-jokingly saying, "Baby, I have high hopes for you! I didn't expect this! Hehe, I like making friends with smart people. Let's forget everything from before. From now on, we should still help each other."
She knew I might still have leverage over her copy of the tape. Without enough animosity and conflicting interests, perhaps we could truly continue to be friends peacefully, as she said, helping each other.
Hehe didn't understand the meaning behind Dong Qing's words, and said casually, "Okay, we'll stick together through thick and thin, and be soulmates. I wish you both become outstanding female cadres in the future, cheers!"
Hehe didn't pass the interview, so she chose to return to her hometown county and take an ordinary job—a low starting point, but a safe one. Her motivation for applying for the provincial selection exam was different from mine; she genuinely wanted to make a name for herself on the political stage.
Whether then or now, I believe that my dear friend Hu Hehe has the ability, that she is just as capable as any man, and that she has an innate sense of justice. If society could employ more people like her to take on positions that benefit the nation and its people, I believe our country would be prosperous and strong.
However, reality always contradicts our simple thoughts.
After drinking, Dong Qing got completely drunk and cried, saying that she genuinely wanted to thank me. If it weren't for my interference, she wouldn't have been willing to break up with her boyfriend of three years.
Through this civil service exam experience, she had to painfully admit that she and her boyfriend were incompatible, and that breaking up sooner was better than later. He was a guy without much ambition, only wanting a simple, ordinary life. Their values were bound to diverge, and in crucial moments, she couldn't count on him for even a fraction of what he was worth.
Chapter 012. Encountering the Male Town Mayor I whispered in her ear, "Qing'er, I sincerely hope you don't fall too deep into a man like Liu. We've used him once, that's enough, you understand what I mean?"
Dong Qing looked at the city night sky with a dazed expression and murmured, "I understand, but, baby, most of the time, we'll be powerless to control our own destiny."
Hehe returned to her hometown early. We parted in tears at the station. She hugged me tightly, saying repeatedly, "Don't keep things to yourself, you must tell me, I'll help you make decisions."
I just cried. At that moment, I truly felt that there was no one I could trust or rely on anymore, and I truly...

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A Female Civil Servant's Diary (Chapters 1-293)

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