They say form is emptiness, and this is the first time I've been dumped.

I'm watching the classic 1997 film *Lolita*, which depicts a classic story of an illicit relationship—"
older man loves younger woman," which is basically "older man loves Lolita," haha. Those interested in that kind of theme should check it out.
Speaking of which, after my ex-girlfriend and I started living together in Shenzhen, she worked as an architectural renderer, while I worked as a low-level employee at a Taiwanese electronics parts office near my rented apartment. Later, I told my parents through photos that we were living together and working away from home. My parents didn't know my girlfriend had a hand disability and didn't think much of it; they figured it was natural for men to marry and women to get married.
By the way, our sex life wasn't very harmonious. I guess my years of masturbation caused premature ejaculation, and my penis is only about 12-13 cm, not particularly impressive. My girlfriend's vagina was also a bit rough. It was very sensitive when I penetrated her, and even with a condom, I didn't feel much sensation. It was always just a routine.
Only once, at a company party, I drank a lot of baijiu (Chinese liquor). While drunk and unconscious, I became incredibly sexually aroused. When I regained consciousness, I found her completely exhausted from my actions. We were lying naked in bed. The next day, she told me it felt like I had raped her. Apparently, we did it several times that night, lasting about one or two hours.
I also felt that my drunken self was like a wild beast.
At that time, the Chinese real estate industry was booming, and real estate developers were everywhere advertising their properties. Her business was also thriving, and her income began to be about twice as much as mine. Actually, I grew up in a small town near Dalian, and I was naive and simple-minded, while my girlfriend was... Even though many Dalian locals are a bit shrewd and calculating, I was planning to gradually get my parents to accept our relationship.
However, she started complaining about feeling insecure, feeling like I was just a bed partner. Since I didn't have much ambition, I spent my days holed up in my theoretical world, studying obscure theories (politics, geopolitics, macroeconomics). Back then, everyone wanted to make quick money; not many people cared about long-term, ineffective theories, and I was one of those out-of-place individuals.
My live-in girlfriend, feeling insecure, started chatting in QQ groups and hooked up with a playboy from Dalian. Since I bought the computer for her to use in our shared apartment while working on designs, my naive girlfriend also started chatting with that playboy online on that computer... They flirted and joked around, oblivious to everyone else. She
hadn't been intimate with me for a long time, which I found strange. One day, I secretly downloaded a tool to spy on her QQ chat history and saw it with that playboy.
Under my questioning, she admitted she would confess soon. I said why hadn't she told me after so long, and that I felt my trip from Dalian to be with her was a mistake. We had a huge fight, and in the heat of the moment
, I pushed her onto the Simmons mattress. She ran away in a huff for a long time. Later, I realized I hadn't been rough with her, so I apologized and we went back together to spend the weekend before going to work the next day (this happened Saturday night).
Before she went to sleep, she told me that if she were gone in the future, she hoped I would be okay. I said, "What are you talking about? Live your life well from now on, forget your online boyfriend, and cherish the person in front of you." Well, we all went to sleep soon after.
The next day, everyone went to work, and not long after, my Samsung phone received a text message: "By the time you see this message, I'll already be on a plane back to Dalian. I feel that my online relationship with XXX is true love. Do you have any future? Our sex life isn't harmonious, so let's break up. Don't contact me..."
Honestly, being dumped for the first time almost drove me crazy. I never imagined that she, my first woman with a disability, would dump me, a graduate from a top university with a master's degree. My self-esteem and confidence collapsed overnight.
I think from that moment on, this incident unleashed the demons within me.
That night, after she rejected my calls countless times, bored and helpless, I started using QQ... I added some random female chat friends online, and soon I added a woman from Wuhan who had bought a house in Futian District. Her husband was away on a business trip, and she was bored at home.
We chatted for two days, including about sex. I told her about my failed relationship and hoped to release some stress through a one-night stand. She said I wouldn't be interested in her because she was 36 at the time (actually, she looked about 37-38 when we met), while I was only 25-26.
I wasn't in the mood for work during the day, so around Thursday, we arranged to meet at the entrance of the Women's World in Huaqiangbei.
The first meeting was awkward. She was wearing a white dress and dressed like a middle-aged woman. We ate noodles together and did a short walk. Although my penis got a little hard when I saw her, I didn't dare to do anything else. I
walked with her from Huaqiangbei all the way there. When we arrived at a nearby lychee orchard, she suddenly grabbed my hand and said I could touch it. So I kissed her. She said kissing and hugging were fine, but no hookups today. So I started touching her breasts. Her breasts were a bit saggy. After that, my hands started wandering to her genitals. This time she couldn't take it anymore and agreed to come back to our place. Once we
got there, I took off her panties and bra. Seeing her dark nipples and sagging breasts, she said she looked old. So I gave her a quick kiss, kissed her breasts, put on a condom, and thrust for a few minutes before ejaculating.
The older woman seemed unsatisfied, but still quite interested, and thought I was younger.
The short time was partly due to my mediocre performance, but also because I thrust from the front for a few minutes first, then made her lie on her stomach. I thrust into her from behind while caressing her breasts. Perhaps I used too much force, or maybe her period hadn't completely ended, because she bled quite a bit afterwards.
So, as mentioned before, we finished quite a bit, still finding it amusing
. She still thought I had a good figure and looks, even though my sexual performance was average. We met up again, and she gave me a lot of good advice. From then on, I started hooking up and couldn't stop.
Anyway... Jean-Jacques Rousseau, the famous French democratic thinker, also wrote a confession, and the film Lolita explores incest in various ways. At the time, the pleasure I felt from stealing also stemmed from a sense of guilt. Human beings are truly complex and multifaceted; they are prone to incest, and the pleasure derived from it can be overwhelming. It's like being caught in a trap, unable to escape the cycle of life and death ...

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They say form is emptiness, and this is the first time I've been dumped.

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