Authentic insights

I vaguely remember joining this forum some years ago. It started with a chance discovery, followed by addiction, then the development of sexual desire, and attempts to communicate and "train" my partner.
The communication and guidance over the years have been truly challenging. From the initial shock and worry when she first heard about my sexual desires, my wife thought I was psychologically disturbed, that I didn't love her, and that it was just an excuse for wanting to sleep with other women. Through my sincere self-analysis, she understood that I still deeply loved her, but she saw my sexual desires as a kind of perversion and couldn't accept meeting in person. However, my sexual desires grew increasingly obsessive; I craved to let her experience the novelty and excitement of different men, to make her a more sexually fulfilled woman. I often fantasized about her being fucked by others in front of me, her desire overflowing, her ecstatic orgasms palpable. Only through these fantasies could I ignite my burning desire. As I continuously instilled the idea of a threesome, our sex life became increasingly harmonious, and our feelings deepened. She would make some changes because she loved me. For example, she would verbally cooperate and encourage me during sex, or engage in role-playing, but after the passion subsided, she would always seriously express that she couldn't accept a real threesome.
After several years of fruitless attempts to "train" her, I gave up hope that she would agree to meet in person. After all, not everyone can be "trained," and she was too traditional and devoted. In the past six months, there were a few passionate moments, a particularly intense kind of physical and emotional union, where we were completely one. I saw her eyes glaze over, and she tenderly told me she loved me, that she would do anything for me, accepting any sexual request or method I had, as long as I continued to have sex with her. I almost believed that at that moment, she genuinely wanted to cooperate with all my sexual advances. But I knew I also deeply loved her, and everything should respect her wishes; I couldn't force her, and I should let things happen naturally.

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