A woman's autobiography

Heart Journey
Foreword
My wife is a knowledgeable, intelligent, and courageous woman. Encouraged by friends in our circle, she wrote this reflection, asking me to write the foreword and inviting another male friend to write the epilogue. Reading it, I didn't find any deliberate eroticism or sensuality; it was simply a woman's heartfelt journey, expressed through her soul. Everyone has their own outlook on life and values, and every couple has their own views on love and marriage. This article is not intended to be a confession of rebellion against traditional morality, nor does it wish to be a textbook guiding others to participate in such activities. It merely articulates the insights we've gained from our interactions over the years, simply explaining what we've let go of and what we've come to understand.
(one)
When my husband first mentioned this kind of activity, my immediate reaction was: I absolutely had to find time amidst my busy schedule to take him to see a psychologist. Men are generally possessive creatures; it's only natural to hope that other men's wives are like Pan Jinlian (a notorious adulteress in Chinese literature) and your own wife is like Wang Baochuan (a legendary beauty in Chinese literature). Who would encourage their wife to cheat? If it's not a mental illness, then there are other possibilities: 1. He's using this activity as bait to test my "loyalty"; 2. Because he has a history of infidelity, he feels he has something on me and wants to use this activity to drag me down so he can wipe the slate clean (but based on my understanding of him, his intentions wouldn't be so sinister); 3. Our married life is mundane, and cheating is not only risky but also potentially costly, so using his wife as leverage for excitement seems the most logical approach. Since we're both participating, there's no concept of betrayal, and no chance of future retribution. My husband vehemently denies all these speculations, insisting that he feels life is too short and wants me to have more and better sexual experiences. Regardless of his sincerity, I don't want to accept his offer. I am definitely not a paragon of chastity, because I am not opposed to extramarital sex. In certain circumstances, some incidents between men and women are perfectly understandable (like the plot of *The Bridges of Madison County*). However, I also have my own principles: to be true to my own heart, to have sex only for myself, and not to compromise my principles to please or appease any man. In my view, women's sexual behavior can be roughly divided into three types: 1. To procreate and fulfill marital obligations; 2. To use one's body as capital to earn money and profit; 3. Voluntary and spontaneous behavior in pursuit of physical and mental pleasure. I can only accept the third type, where the other person must be a man who moves me, and who also admires and appreciates me; mutual affection is essential for sexual happiness. Given the reality that men in relationships are mostly driven by their lower bodies, I have reason to suspect that men who are eager for such activities are mostly driven by physical desires, and probably no psychologically normal woman would willingly become a man's tool for sexual release. If my husband's reason—that he wants me to have more and better sexual experiences—is true, then I would rather have an affair myself, at least knowing that the other person isn't simply after my body. Although I'm getting older, I'm unlikely to be so desperate for sexual partners that I need someone to arrange them for me. Therefore, initially, I ignored all of my husband's persuasion. But the world is full of people who are "serious," and my husband was incredibly serious and persistent. He constantly updated and refined his theoretical framework, relentlessly trying to persuade me. I realized that he was indeed treating this as a serious matter. Ultimately, one theory that slightly swayed me was this: if we could both be honest about extramarital affairs, nothing could affect our marriage. Furthermore, he repeatedly emphasized that "friendship" was the priority, sex wasn't the goal, and he would absolutely respect my feelings. A lie repeated a thousand times becomes the truth, and since my husband seemed so "sincere," I finally relented and agreed to try meeting some people.
(two)
Through my husband's recommendations, I had brief contact with some men, but unfortunately, none of them were my type. I prefer "older" men. "Older" mainly refers to their psychological age. Maturity and being talkative are the most basic requirements. Being talkative doesn't mean "rambling." Whether someone is talkative is definitely related to their knowledge, cultivation, and life experience. I hope to have common topics with them and be able to exchange ideas. Most of them are very "straightforward," making no attempt to hide their curiosity. They often get straight to the point after a few words, either asking if I have experience with swapping partners or inquiring about my sexual preferences, showing an urgent thirst for knowledge. It's not that their straightforwardness is wrong; I just can't accept sex for its own sake. Even in animal mating, males often have to go to great lengths to please females to gain mating rights. As someone who has evolved slightly faster than other animals, how could I possibly be willing to submit to you just because you're a "man"? After several such encounters, my aversion and resistance grew. However, my husband's attitude reassured me a lot. He didn't indiscriminately shove any names at me like Zhang San, Li Si, or Wang Ermazi; he tried his best to choose according to my preferences. This at least shows that he was considerate of my feelings and not entirely driven by his own desires. My contact with Da Zhu was purely accidental. My husband wanted to post photos on the forum, but he was completely computer illiterate, and many operations left him at a loss. As the moderator, Da Zhu was enthusiastic and patient in helping my husband, which made him quite likable. Gradually, we started talking, and I found him to be genuinely endearingly honest. Our chats and jokes were without ulterior motives or reservations; our purely platonic friendship made us both very relaxed. After I started my blog, Da Zhu became a loyal reader, always leaving his comments. I felt that he was trying to understand me and get closer to me. As time went on, we gradually started making some lighthearted jokes, and a little bit of ambiguity developed. Da Zhu's wife and I also often chatted about everyday things. According to Da Zhu, his wife was extremely disgusted by his chatting and interacting with other female members, but she showed no resistance towards me, even when we flirted. LG and she got along very well, occasionally sharing sweet nothings, and surprisingly, I didn't feel jealous at all. Perhaps, this is fate. The mutual understanding among the four of us made everything seem natural. After chatting for almost half a year, one day I had to go on a business trip to a city very close to Da K, and the four of us agreed to meet in their city. Admittedly, I had some expectations when I went, but we didn't expect anything to happen. LG and I thought we should let things happen naturally; if there were feelings, that would be great, otherwise, we'd treat it as a trip to visit friends. Da K and I were very close, and we were very affectionate. We ... bladder about drought annoyed Ying ㄆ ji ying ┬ brother wu   scar,   kong find cut heart qian huang bo mu hu ze yu yuan jiao ⑸  cut foundation K zong huan huan ⑸  cut stand,   pretty yi and shen chun xi mi ou ding,  zhi  yi invade two chu lang huang qiang xiong mei na si choose?/DIV>
(three)
For a considerable period after meeting the couple, my husband was too busy with work to make any further plans, so I naturally distanced myself from the matter. These things should only be occasional moments in life, adding spice to the relationship; focusing solely on them would be putting the cart before the horse. At the end of last year, my husband's work came to a halt, and he became restless again. After what happened with the couple, I began to believe he wasn't using me as leverage, but genuinely wanted new sexual experiences with me. Therefore, I stopped objecting, my only insistence being that the other person must arouse me. If I had to find a reason for this change in thinking, I could only attribute it to my blood type and zodiac sign. Type O Gemini: "Extremely curious about the opposite sex and sex, and not bound by traditional sexual intimacy. Therefore, once there is love, physical intimacy is a natural progression. Even during sex, you won't lose yourself in passion, because you often see it as an experiment in your sexual knowledge."
小Y在此时被LG推到了前台。在介绍给我之前，LG似乎已经跟他聊了一段时间，对他印象很好。为了避免尴尬，LG还颇费心思的安排我们在音乐会的间隙见面。初见小Y，我对他态度很冷淡。冷淡并非针对他，而是我生性叛逆，讨厌“被人”安排，此类相亲似地会面让我极为反感。他给我的初步印象并不坏，很阳光的一个孩子。此后在QQ上我们会有一句没一句的聊聊，感觉比较率真、善良，并且极力在哄我开心。可我感觉自己与其说把他当做性对象，倒不如说把他当弟弟对待更贴切些。对于比我小的男人，我始终有心理障碍，很难产生出正常男女间的爱恋之心。虽然我也觉得小Y这孩子不错，但让我对他下手我总是有种罪恶感。此时LG又开始展开他强大的心理攻势，摆事实讲道理，极尽蛊惑之能。好奇心驱使，我最终同意试试看。通过与大猪的活动经验，LG调整了战术，决定第一次暂不四人一起活动，叫小Y和我们3P。四个参与者均满意的“夫妻交友”活动实现起来的确困难，首先四个人相互之间的认可就非常之不易。出于女性的心理特点，妻子间的亲近很难建立。男人也许能仅将之视作一场众人参与的娱乐活动、人生体验，不会联想太多，但女人大多为情而性，当看到对方的妻子与自己的丈夫发生性关系，必定由己及彼，担心他们之间情愫暗结，感到一种潜在的威胁，敌意顿生。若非对自己的丈夫高度信任，有把握掌控自己的婚姻，妻子绝难以出自内心来接受这种活动。坦白地说，即便是我认可的女人当面与我丈夫行周公之礼，我也不能完全保证能控制好自己的情绪。所以，一开始就四个人一起参与，对两个女人来说心理压力真的会很大。若是3P，好像心里能轻松许多。 LG一向是行动派，我一松口他立刻就着手安排，甚至体贴入微的安排好了活动步骤。而当我一旦决定要做什么的时候，也向来不会再推三阻四，扭捏作态，既然同意参与，我就会全身心去体验。只是小Y比我年纪小这一点，依然在潜意识里困扰了我。3P带来的生理快感不可否认，但我无法彻底放开自己。赤身面对小Y时，我能感到自身因紧张而出现的肌肉僵硬。在性活动中，我本属于比较主动的类型，我喜欢听见在我爱抚下男人发出的呻吟声，看到男人享受的表情，可是当我在生理刺激下想向他做出某些举动时，脑海里就会蹦出两个字：“摧残”…。这次经历，生理快感毋庸置疑，可总让我感觉缺少了点什么，颇有点繁华落尽皆虚无的味道。偶尔回想起来，会觉得自己真无聊，为什么要这么做？难道真的是因为到了如狼似虎的年纪，饥渴的缘故？没有找到答案，也冲淡了我对此事的“性”趣。
（四）
我们的交往因为种种原因没有再进展，我也很少主动再回想起那一晚。只有在夫妇俩嘿咻时，LG会不时的借用当时的场景来调动情绪。若说此事最大的影响，就是彻底消除了我对LG的疑虑。我们感情素来很好，一向是朋友们的“楷模”。人都说爱情是自私的，如果他爱我，怎能舍得与别人分享？若说不再有爱，他的言行举止又完全没有一丝反常，这是曾让我最为纠结的问题。看到他整个过程中平静的表现，我愿意相信他那些“可疑”的理由出自于真心。他就是想跟我一起探寻新的性体验，调剂生活情趣，与爱情、婚姻无关。心理上虽然接受了这种活动，但我没什么参与的热情。LG没有因我的消极而气馁，继续在用心物色。经常是他剃头挑子一头热地张罗，我以忙为理由敷衍推脱。有天他老人家又兴致极高地给我推荐了一人，并且让对方在QQ中将我添加为好友。出于礼貌，我也加了对方。不知道该说什么，也没有攀谈的欲望，就那么挂着，唯一改变了的是QQ好友的人数。此后LG经常会提及他，坚称他绝对属于我喜欢的类型，甚至某天还硬拉我到电脑旁，亲自打开他的空间给我看。为了不拂LG面子，我大概扫了两眼，唯一印象就是他似乎也游历过不少地方，长相也“不意外”。他,就是小K。不知是LLG成天耳边小风吹啊吹的，潜移默化地起了作用，还是翻译的资料即将大功告成，心情确实愉快，那天一早小K头像闪烁时，我主动给予了回应。接下来的一天里，我几乎什么正事都没干，光跟这同志在QQ上唇枪舌战了。LG说的没错，他的确是我喜欢的类型。思维敏捷，思路开阔，能很好地配合我“胡说八道”。年纪虽比我小一点点，但是心理年龄已足够成熟。他很吸引我，让我产生了见见他，更多地了解他的念头。晚上向LG汇报思想，他再一次发扬了快速反应的“优良传统”，居然安排我们第三天的周末活动。我虽感觉进展速度超快了一点，心底却有几多期盼，幻想跟他在一起将是哪番景象。兴奋、忐忑交织在一起，犹如恋爱中的小女生。等待的过程无异于煎熬，当他进入房间的那一刻，我只惊慌失措地看了他一眼，便立刻将视线转向了一边。不是他现实中的模样让我受了惊吓，是因为羞涩。（跟小Y在一起时全然没有这种感觉，那时更像是我们带着小朋友做游戏，在进行中甚至会因为我们夫妻间的调侃而“笑场”）。后来据小K说自己其实也很紧张，可我就顾着紧张自己的了，压根没心思去观察他。最初的慌乱过后，当我定下神来面对他时，居然有种似曾相识的亲切感，这种感觉让我逐渐放松下来。当他进入浴室时，我已然恢复了常态。此时的他对我而言，就是一个让我爱慕渴望的男人。我坦然地转向他，注视着他笑盈盈的脸，跟他说东聊西，如同老朋友。在床上当我主动贴向他，感受他的唇从身上滑过时，体内的欲望已难以压制。可开始当着LG的面亲热时，我又有点畏缩了。因为他应该已经察觉到了我对小K和小Y态度的明显差异，看到了我对小K的爱意，我担心他吃醋。可是LG说“好不容易碰到让你真正动心的男人，那就好好去体验、去感受”，让我释放了自己，随心所“欲”。我喜欢小K，所以希望带给他快乐。没有曲意迎合，也没有压抑掩饰，我渴望他的呻吟，渴望他在我的允吸下迸发。“两个人要相逢，相吸，然后是眼角眉梢，你进我推，徘徊着，猜测着，试探着，多少的辛勤多少的准备，赤身肉搏，就为那欲生欲死的一瞬。尔后，就是大海退潮清光万里，万花吹雪繁花落尽……”某位作家关于性的这段描述，总让我心有戚戚焉，回忆起那天。风平浪静后伏在小K的胸前，听着他的心跳，聊着天马行空的话题，很惬意也很满足。我是一个即便没有“特殊企图”也喜欢要抱抱、要亲亲的女人，他的轻抚让我有一种被呵护、被怜爱的感觉。我想，他应该也是喜欢我的，这就足够了。有思想碰撞且彼此欣赏，才有可能达到身心交融的最高境界，这是我真正想要得到的。三个人并排躺在一起看电视聊天，在别人看来该是不可理喻的场景，可是那天我们都没有感到尴尬，应该主要得益于三人之间的彼此认可。不需相互避讳，坦然相对，没有心理负担大家自然都轻松。总之，那天我们都体验到了愉悦。第二天是周日，我们没有联系，但是我总会情不自禁地回忆当时的场景。一旦动了心，人就会变得患得患失，眼前没有小K的笑脸，我开始不自信，怀疑他真的喜欢我么？回忆每一个细节，搜索蛛丝马迹为自己寻找他喜欢我的证据，然后又找出种种理由来推翻，堪称自虐。周一终于在网上又见到了他，我故作镇定地与他插科打诨，极力回避自己最想知道的话题。快到中午时，他突然说谢谢我，因为那天他感觉很幸福，很快乐，“难以自拔”。就是这么几句话，便立刻让我心里的阴霾顿时消散。可短暂的喜悦过后，我又郁闷了，我如此在意他，这感情正常吗？我思念着他，又感觉对LG不公，于是极力压制；我想告诉小K我的感情，又怕自己是老孔雀开屏自作多情，矛盾心理困扰着我，让我忽喜忽忧，心情阴晴不定，几乎有了更年期提前的症状。LG又一次扮演了“救世主”的角色，为我排忧解难。对他没有隐瞒的感情，他不认为是背叛。他绝对相信我对小K的感情是不同于他的，不会影响到我们夫妻关系。被男人疼爱的女人是自信而美丽的，如果能多一个人帮他呵护LP有什么不好？想见那就见吧，毋须这样压抑自己。第二天他要出差，让我自己约小K。我也本是敢做敢爱的性情之人，LG这么说彻底打消了我的后顾之忧。第二天没有拐弯抹角，直接告诉小K晚上我想见他。而LG临上飞机前也发短信告诉了他我的心理，让他多鼓励我。该同志没有半推半就、欲拒还迎，但是因为晚上有公务安排，两个疯狂的人最终翘班见了面。没有LG在场，自然是更放松了一些。彼此需要，彼此眷恋，所以才会顾及对方的感受，发自内心地想让对方快乐。（因为不是情****，此处略去N个字）。我喜欢撞击带来的快感，更喜欢耳鬓厮磨的缠绵。源于性与源于爱的性的最大不同，恐怕就在于此吧。纯生理需要的性行为，在爆发之后就鲜有身体接触，而性交过程之外的爱抚、亲吻，如果没有心理需要是不会发生的，可恰恰是这些举动，会带给女人巨大的安慰和愉悦。晚上给LG汇报工作时，他终于承认自己日间的紧张与不安，担心我把握不好和小K的关系。但看到我如此坦然地告诉他一切时，他放心了。正如他所讲，我清楚地知道这两种感情的区别。对LG，是一种长相厮守、相依相扶、不离氩黄陌橛肭浊榈淖酆咸澹欢孕，则是因欣赏而想接近、因爱慕而想亲近、一种介于爱情与友情之间的情感。人，总是会不由自主地欲望膨胀，我希望两者兼得。
（五）
The ease with which couples can engage in casual sexual activity depends on the participants' expectations. People are everywhere, but suitable partners are rare and hard to find. The key is to clearly understand what you want to gain from this interaction. Everyone has their own lifestyle and values, and I believe that as long as there's no element of "transaction," any form is acceptable. If you truly desire to try it, the husbands' performance is absolutely crucial. In such activities, women generally experience more psychological pressure than men. Historically, the sexual concepts imposed on women have taught them that having desires is promiscuous and depraved. This ideology binds women, making them afraid to have or ashamed to express their sexual needs, turning them into passive recipients in sexual activity. Women also have desires and sexual fantasies; what they lack is the courage to face them. How to dispel their wives' concerns and allow them to fully release and express themselves is a question husbands must seriously consider. Those with unstable family relationships should think twice before participating. As Eileen Chang said in *Lust, Caution*, "The road to a woman's heart is through her vagina," a statement that is sharp to the point of cruelty. In my understanding, it doesn't necessarily mean that a woman will fall in love after she has done so, but rather that once a woman has physical intimacy with a man (in a consensual setting), that man takes on a special meaning for her. Both partners should be prepared to handle this subtle psychological shift in a woman. Ultimately, this activity is just a game of life; we participate in the game, enjoy its pleasures, but we don't play games with life. This is our attitude towards life. The common thread among the talented women in the postscript is their rational approach to love; the standard of a good man is always respect for women. I am Xiao K, and I thank the refined gentleman for his sincerity and the intelligent lady for her recognition. I have finally become the protagonist of this story and have the honor of writing the postscript. My joy is beyond words! It feels like just yesterday that, in this epic tale, we experienced the happiness of life and the sublimation of love. The climax of our dreams has faded with time, but the harmonious coexistence of sexual bliss and love shines like the July sun, illuminating our hearts. We felt a rare happiness, an unusual sincerity, and a deep, profound affection. It wasn't a transaction, a demand, or an affair; we only shared mutual understanding, pleasure, and our true selves.
URL 1: https://www.69park5.com/htmlBlog/49570.html
URL 2: /Blog.aspx?id=49570&aspx=1
Last access time:
Previous post: Repost and collect homemade Viagra
Next article:

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/49570.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=49570&aspx=1

Previous Page : Repost and collect homemade Viagra

Next Page : National Day blind date with a single woman - happy family life after marriage with a bisexual husband

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

A woman's autobiography

comment Open a new window to view comments