A woman's mole (07-12)

Word count: 15072
(VII) The start of the second year of university was also the time for new students to register for the new semester. Coincidentally, just like this time last year, a light drizzle was falling from the sky. The second-year students were responsible for welcoming the new students. I met her, Feng Ye, a girl from Jiujiang. That afternoon, I was sitting behind the long table in our department's reception area, feeling drowsy. At this moment, a soft, sweet voice that gave me goosebumps rang out: "Senior, wake up!" I stood up with a start and saw Feng Ye's round, doll-like face, her height of just over 1.6 meters, her slender figure, and her graceful posture. However, her breasts were quite large. I wondered how this girl had developed such full breasts. Two hair clips, one white and one blue, were pinned to the left side of her long, flowing hair, making her look even more cute and mischievous. Her father stood beside her with a smile, watching her with eyes full of affection. I helped her complete the registration, and then I and her father helped her carry her things to her dormitory. Before leaving, her father kept thanking me and insisted on having dinner with me. I said, "Really, it's not necessary. It's what we second-year students should do." But he still held me back, expressing his concern for Feng Ye. Because she was an only child, spoiled at home, he was very worried and hoped I could help her with anything in her daily life. I readily agreed, but I never imagined that helping her would involve taking care of her in bed... Feng Ye's family must be well-off, judging from her clothes and daily necessities. She had so much luggage that it was almost overflowing; I guess her mother wanted to pack everything for her to take with her. Before leaving, we exchanged phone numbers. Well, finally, I earned my own money to buy a phone. Feng Ye was very sweet-talking, calling me "senior" this and "senior" that, and she was also pretty, so I always felt embarrassed to refuse when she needed help. Not long after the start of the semester, one weekend, Feng Ye said she wanted to buy a bicycle, so I had to accompany her on the bus to a girl in the city who didn't want a small women's bicycle but insisted on a large one with flat handlebars. On the way back, we were both dumbfounded—the bus wouldn't let us in! "Senior, can you ride back with me?" she said happily, as if she'd come up with a brilliant solution. I had a bit of a headache. Not only did I not know the way back, but I also had to ride almost 20 kilometers with her. Just thinking about it made me want to jump into the Yangtze River. She sat sideways on the back seat, but immediately complained about the discomfort, so we had to go back and install a foam pad on the back seat. "You're so light!" "Yeah, less than 90 pounds!" she exclaimed loudly, hugging my waist. I said being too thin wasn't good, and that she should eat more and gain some weight. Unexpectedly, she said, "So, Senior likes chubby girls..." I was amused by her unexpected answer. "Senior, do you have a girlfriend? Is she your chubby type?" "..." She always brings up the most awkward things, making me increasingly annoyed. Just then, we were about to go uphill, so I gestured for her to get off. "Senior, I'm asking you a question!" she pressed relentlessly. "We broke up. Besides, I don't like chubby girls. You're slim and perfect..." "Oh, why did you break up? You don't like her anymore?" "Why would I not like her? Could it be that she doesn't like me anymore?" "Tch, although you're not exactly handsome, you're a really nice person. How could anyone not like you..." she said, looking at me very seriously. "..." I couldn't quite understand her logic. She was such a naive girl. "Don't talk nonsense if you don't understand!" I could only interrupt her like that. "I'm not a little kid. I understand everything you understand, hmph!" she said proudly, puffing out her ample chest. "Oh, then what do you understand?" I asked, both amused and exasperated. "I've been in relationships too, and I've even kissed and been intimate. It's nothing special, isn't it?" she said dismissively, pursing her lips. "..." I scrutinized her petite, slender figure, then stole a glance at her enormous breasts, and couldn't help but sigh. Could it be that just one year apart, the flowers of our nation have all matured so early? Back in high school, I was too embarrassed to even look at girls, let alone have the courage to date... Seeing my puzzled look, she launched into a long, detailed account of her glorious dating history. Well, according to her, she had indeed dated, held hands, kissed, and touched breasts, but hadn't had the chance to take it any further. Suddenly, I felt like I'd wasted my life. The image of that figure I could only admire from behind—long, straight hair, a graceful waist, and, most alluringly, shapely buttocks—seemed to float before my eyes. The girl I had a crush on for all three years of high school, but I never had the courage to confess to her. I didn't even know if she knew me, her classmate for three years, or if she knew I had always secretly liked her. I even treasured her signature in the graduation yearbook as my most precious keepsake… “Senior, did you get dumped?” After telling her own story, she turned back to gossip about me. “Well, sort of.” “Yes or no, how can you call it sort of?” she corrected me seriously. “Oh, then that’s it,” I thought for a moment and said. “She really didn’t know how to appreciate it. Girls like that aren’t worth it, hmph…”, as if she was the one who got dumped, not me. “…”. “Is she pretty? Do you still like her?” “She’s pretty, I like her quite a bit, I sometimes think about her…”. “How pretty? Is she prettier than me?” she said, confidently puffing out her chest. "Okay, she's not as pretty as you, especially not as big-breasted..." "I didn't expect you to be such a pervert, senior!" She covered her mouth and chuckled, but didn't seem embarrassed at all; instead, she looked quite pleased. I realized that Feng Ye and the dorm leader were the same kind of people—chatterboxes. She didn't stop talking the whole way, and she dug up all my pitiful romantic history halfway through the journey. On the rest of the way, she dug up all my secrets from childhood to adulthood. She wasn't as well-behaved and cute as she seemed on the surface; on the contrary, sometimes her words were sharp and mischievous, giving people a headache. After having dinner at a restaurant outside the school, on the way back, Feng Ye asked me, "Senior, it's my birthday next month. Can you celebrate with me?" I said, "Sure. What kind of birthday present do you want?" She said, "I'll think about it when I get back and tell you." (VIII) I had long forgotten my promise to Feng Ye until one night in October when I received her call. She said that it was her birthday the day after tomorrow. I also remembered that she had invited me before, so I smiled and asked, "What kind of birthday present do you want?" She said, "I want a bouquet of flowers." I said, "No problem." She happily said she'd call me the day after tomorrow and then hung up. That afternoon, I didn't have class, so I took the bus to buy a bouquet of flowers—white lilies—which I felt would be perfect for a birthday theme and would match her perfectly. It was the first time in my life I'd bought flowers for a girl, and even though she wasn't my girlfriend, I still felt incredibly awkward. On the bus ride home, I wanted to bury my face in my pants; it was so embarrassing. What was even more embarrassing was that walking around campus with that bouquet of flowers attracted a lot of stares. I had to find a corner and call Feng Ye, telling her to come out quickly. But she was still in class. When she came over after class, I found myself surrounded by her dorm girls. Senior, you're so romantic... Feng Ye, you're so unfair! You found a boyfriend and didn't even tell us! You kept it so secret...
Yeah, yeah, if we hadn't eaten together today, we wouldn't have known... I was about to explain when Feng Ye suddenly took my arm, acting like a little bird clinging to me, and smiled at the other three girls, saying, "It's not too late to know now, hehe..." And just like that, I was forced into a relationship. Yes, forced into a relationship. Later I found out that all three girls in Feng Ye's dorm had boyfriends, and they talked on the phone every day, which made her feel very down. And since she happened to be closest to me, I was presented as her "boyfriend." I think if it weren't for me, perhaps another me would have been packaged up and presented by Feng Ye like this. That night, I drank more than a bottle of beer for the first time and staggered back to school. Feng Ye accompanied me on a walk around campus to sober up. Under the streetlights by the lake, she asked me, "You won't blame me today, will you...?" I looked at her bleary-eyed and pretended to be angry, saying, "Of course I will! Tell me, how are
you going to make it up to me?" "What do you think? How about this?" she said, standing on tiptoe and lightly kissing my cheek. I pulled her close, lowered my head, and kissed her lips fiercely. She responded skillfully, our tongues quickly intertwining. "I'm your girlfriend now!" she said, her eyes glistening with tears, like stars in the night sky. "But I feel like I've been raped..." I said with a bitter smile. "Hmph, do you feel like you've been taken advantage of?" she said, gently pinching the soft flesh of my arm. "No, it just feels a little unreal..." I carefully organized my words, "You don't know I'm an insecure person, a bit insecure. This feels so sudden, do you understand?"
"I don't understand..." she blinked her long eyelashes, looking bewildered. That night, back in the dorm, even after lying in bed, I was still a little dazed. That sense of unreality made me very irritable. Had I really fallen in love again? I didn't know what kind of feelings I had for Feng Ye. It didn't seem like the kind of liking I had for Gu Xuan, more like the kind of liking I had for my cousin? ...I sighed and said to the other three, "I think I'm in love again..." which startled a flock of seagulls. Of the four of us, the eldest and second eldest had girlfriends, the youngest spent all his time using my computer to download porn for studying, and the four of us were still pure virgins. As we talked, the conversation drifted to sex. The eldest said he would definitely sleep with his girlfriend next time he went home, the second eldest said he almost lost his virginity a couple of days ago during the National Day holiday, but he was just about to go into his girlfriend's dorm when she came back... We all cursed, "What a beast, doing sex in someone else's dorm..." Finally, the conversation returned to me. The youngest asked me, "Didn't you and Gu Xuan go out to play last time? Did you really not lose your virginity?" This was the nth time he had asked me this question. Every time I told three people, they didn't believe me. Later, they'd say I was worse than an animal… "Do you regret it?" the second brother asked. "Hmm?" I thought hard for a moment and said, "I do regret it a little." "Sigh, if it were me, I'd be kicking myself!" the eldest brother, that shameless guy, said. After that, my mind was filled with Gu Xuan, and I finally drifted off to sleep. That night I had a wet dream, dreaming that Gu Xuan and I were making love in bed, and when I woke up in the morning, my underwear was wet… Feng Ye was a very clingy girl; I needed to be with her every night. Looking back now, I think people in love are adorable, repeating almost the same thing every day—eating together, studying, holding hands, kissing and caressing in a dimly lit corner—and enjoying it immensely. Feng Ye was also a very bold girl. In the early winter on campus, she first put her cold little hand into my crotch and vigorously masturbated me, finally ejaculating warm semen all over her palm. On the tower on the low hill behind the school, she knelt down and gave me oral sex for the first time. My erect penis filled her small mouth completely, and I still clearly remember the glistening saliva dripping slowly from her bright red lips onto her chest… I also remember that on that tower, I brought her to her climax for the first time with my hand. She moaned loudly and wantonly, finally clamping my hand tightly between her legs, trembling and collapsing limply into my arms… “Darling, I feel so good…” Afterwards, her face flushed, she leaned against me and whispered, “Haven’t you ever done this before?” I asked curiously, because I knew she was experienced, skilled at masturbation, and also excellent at oral sex. “No, I’ve never let him touch me…” she said, biting her lip. “I’m just a little curious…” I looked down at her luscious red lips, the corners still bearing traces of saliva and semen from the oral sex. “Hmm? Curious about what?” “Curious… never mind, it’s okay,” I finally held back. "Hmph, I know what you're curious about," she said, tilting her head back. The early winter sun slanted across her face, making me feel warm, just like the warmth I felt from my hand on her breast. "You're probably curious about how skilled I am, aren't you?" she sighed, pressing her face against my chest. "I don't want to talk about that. I can only tell you that I'm still a virgin..." she said, nuzzling her head against my chest. "Don't be angry, okay?" I chuckled self-deprecatingly, but no sound came out. "I'm not angry, and I have no right to be angry. After all, that was in the past..." I said, patting her back. "Yeah, you're the best!" she said, her voice as soft as if she were asleep. (Nine) "The dorm is closed, what should I do?" Feng Ye shivered in the cold wind, her thin wool coat unable to ward off the damp, cold air. "Let's go out then..." I pulled her into my arms, holding her tightly, and walked out of the school. It was November 2006, the night of the welcome party. Feng Ye and I went out for a late-night snack after the party, and when we came back, we found the dorms were closed. We settled into a small hotel near the school. The room wasn't big, just a bed, a table, and an old TV, but it was clean, and most importantly, it had a private bathroom with hot water for showering. It just seemed like no one had stayed there for a while; the room had a faint musty smell. The owner turned on the air conditioner for us and then left. After closing the door, we kissed passionately. "Kiss me, kiss me hard!" she gasped, unbuckling my belt. She had just performed that night, and her wool skirt and black leggings were quickly ripped off her body and tossed onto the floor. When Feng Ye and I rolled naked onto the bed, her breasts were already slightly red from my kneading. She raised her sharp chin, bit her lip, and said to me with a distracted look, "Could you be gentle?"
Her inner thighs were already covered in mud, sparse hair damp with a sticky fluid, lying haphazardly against her snow-white skin. As I guided my penis and parted her labia with the glans, I suddenly noticed a mole on her left labia, a very prominent one. At that moment, I felt a sense of temporal disorientation, and the image of that mole on her rounded chin flashed before my eyes—the girl I had once deeply loved. But my physical and emotional desires quickly overwhelmed me, and the owner of the mole on her chin vanished like a fleeting breeze. The girl beneath me, panting softly, had already opened her heart and body, awaiting my conquest. The warm, sticky fluid smeared on my glans, glistening under the fluorescent light, making entry easy until I encountered resistance. The girl beneath me then frowned and softly groaned, "It hurts! Slower..." I wonder if other men can control their emotions during their first time having sex. However, I knew very well that I couldn't control my body at all. At this moment, my engorged and hard penis seemed to have a soul and a mind, seemingly only wanting to keep moving forward, forward, forward! Only wanting to keep going deeper, deeper, deeper! I wished I could break through all obstacles and enter the warm, slippery deepest part! With a painful scream, the glans tore everything apart, constantly squeezing into the vagina until it could go no further. "Hiss..." Feng Ye kept gasping for breath, tears welling up in her eyes. "It hurts!" She bit her lower lip tightly, trying to hold her breath, as if she would cry out in pain if she breathed even a little. Her vagina was too tight, and the grip on my penis was a little painful. I couldn't thrust quickly—although my body's desire instinctively made me want to go in and out quickly—I could only slowly move my penis in and out, and then laboriously insert it. I was like a pioneer, trying to cultivate this unfamiliar land. Tears soaked the pillow, and the sobbing was occasionally mixed with barely perceptible moans. "Does it still hurt?" I asked, kissing away the tears on her cheeks. "Mmm, but much better. Can you go slower?" She gripped my shoulders tightly, her hands gripping mine tightly. I could feel her wanting to push me away, yet also a hint of reluctance and lingering affection. The crying had stopped sometime earlier, and the musty room was filled with lewd moans and the smell of bodily fluids. Feng Ye's breasts heaved with each thrust of my penis. Her once snow-white breasts, now red from my grasping, blended together like frames from a film reel, creating a seductive scene. The long moans of "Mmm..." eventually turned into rapid, lewd cries of "Ahhh..." In the warm, spring-like room, I made my final, sweaty thrusts. My first time ended quickly, perhaps less than five minutes, maybe only two or three, but I experienced a pleasure I had never felt before. It was a pleasure completely different from using my hands or mouth; it was a peak that could only be reached when I had complete control over it. I looked down at the milky white semen mixed with dark blood, slowly flowing from Feng Ye's vagina and dripping onto the white sheets. A wave of fear washed over me. "I hope she's not pregnant!" I murmured. "Hmm?" she gasped, her eyes still closed, glistening with tears. "You're not pregnant, are you…?" I asked again. "How should I know!" she opened her eyes, frowning and scolding. "I'll take the birth control pill tomorrow, it's fine…" she forced a smile. She remained in the same position as when they had made love, her two snow-white thighs spread wide, the area around her thighs a mess—black pubic hair, milky white semen, dark red blood, and frothy discharge… "Help me wipe it, it hurts." I carefully wiped the mixture with a tissue, and once again noticed the mole on her labia, very prominent. "You have a mole on your labia…" "Really? I didn't know!" "Hmm, on the left labia." "Is it ugly?" She tilted her head back, trying to look down, but the movement pulled at her lower body, and she let out a soft gasp before lying back down. "How could it be ugly? It's cute." "Can you carry me to wash up?" In the bathroom, I entered her body again. Hot water poured down on our bodies, and my penis continued to penetrate her vagina. She raised her not-so-full buttocks, her upper body pressed against the wall, her breasts squeezed flat, releasing and compressing with each thrust... "Please, slow down, I can't take it anymore!" she sobbed, which gave me a sense of conquest, and I thrust into her body even harder. The moans and pleas were like a potent aphrodisiac, making it impossible for me to control my desires, until Feng Ye collapsed, kneeling on the wet floor, and I woke up as if from a dream, realizing that I was somewhat bewitched. Having tasted a woman's body for the first time, I was driven to such madness. "Waaah...you're bullying me! It hurts...waaah, no more..." she writhed weakly, trying to escape my ravaging. "Baby, I'm almost there, just a little longer!" I grabbed her two snow-white buttocks and thrust forcefully. Semen was washed from her body onto the floor by the water, sticky and wriggling on the slippery floor, much like Feng Ye struggling desperately beneath me just now. I wrapped her in a bath towel and carried her to the bed. She buried her head in the pillow, but her snow-white buttocks and slender legs were exposed outside the blanket. I gently stroked her buttocks, feeling that she was limp and boneless. "Why did it take you so long this time?" she finally caught her breath, frowning and asking lazily. "Really?" I had no experience with this. "Ugh, you've almost killed me, it hurts so much!" she said, gently pinching my thigh. "Is it just painful? Doesn't it feel comfortable at all?" "It felt good at first, but then I couldn't feel anything anymore..." (10) "No, no, it's dirty!" Feng Ye squeezed her thighs tightly together, struggling desperately. I forcefully pried her legs apart and lowered my head to kiss her swollen labia that I had fucked the night before. After just a few licks, she became soft and quiet, letting me do whatever I wanted to her on her inner thighs, but the trembling of her inner thigh muscles betrayed her nervousness. Her labia were very tender, with almost no melanin deposits. Her clitoris had peeked out from between her labia at some point, shimmering with a bright light. I gently touched her clitoris with the tip of my tongue, and Feng Ye groaned "Oh," like a beautiful white swan, suddenly tilting her snow-white neck back. "I can't take it anymore, I don't want it anymore, I want you to come in!" She twisted her slender waist restlessly, a few black pubic hairs brushed against my nose, making me want to sneeze. "Is it good?" I asked indistinctly, my mouth still holding her labia. "So...so good, I can't take it anymore, it's so itchy inside, please come in, please!" she said, pressing my head down hard between her legs. Her labia, which had been pressed tightly together, were parted by my tongue. Her vagina was already wet, and the slightly cloudy fluid was swept from inside her vagina onto her clitoris. "Ah, deeper, oh...that's it, oh...so good..." When my tongue pushed open the many peaks of her vaginal opening and entered the deep folds, she tore off her mask of restraint and moaned loudly like a wildcat in heat, disregarding her image. ...Feng Ye, panting heavily, kept her eyes tightly closed, the tender flesh on her thighs still trembling irregularly. I knelt between her parted thighs, wiping the sticky fluid from her chin with a tissue. "So comfortable... ah..." she sighed with enjoyment, her slightly narrowed eyes glistening with tears. She struggled to sit up, lowered her head, and opened her small mouth to take my slightly limp penis in, her tongue circling the glans. I could feel the blood rushing to my penis. "Ugh..." she gagged, her brows furrowed, her tongue pushing the hard glans outwards. "Is it good?" I gently stroked her soft hair, my lower body moving back and forth in sync with her head. "Oh, oh, um..." she looked at me with watery eyes, nodding vigorously. This look of hers, giving me oral sex while looking at me with eyes brimming with desire, gave me a sense of conquest I had never felt before, like an emperor surveying his empire from above, pointing out its grandeur. Feng Ye was a girl with an inner allure; her outward innocence masked a seductive nature. Her sparkling eyes seemed to represent another version of her, full of temptation, easily arousing the beastly desires within a man. "Harder!" I roughly pressed her head down towards my crotch, my glans plunging deep into her throat, reaching its deepest point amidst her whimpering. Her beautiful face, streaked with snot and tears, held a pair of pitiful eyes looking at me with a mournful expression, as if pleading, begging, and begging for mercy. "Good girl, this feels good..." I wiped her tears while thrusting my penis forcefully. After what seemed like an eternity, as pleasure reached its peak, my glans plunged deep into her throat, spraying streams of semen into her mouth. She lay on the edge of the bed, gagging desperately, as if trying to vomit up the semen she had swallowed. I poured a glass of warm water and placed it in front of her. "Satisfied now..." She snuggled back into my arms, pinching my arm and scolding me fiercely, "Hey..." I winced softly in pain, looking at her red, tear-filled eyes, and couldn't help but feel a little..."Kiss me..." she murmured, pouting her moist red lips and snuggling closer. Remembering the semen that had just entered her mouth, I felt a little nauseous and said, "Why don't you go brush your teeth?"
"No! I want you to kiss me! I don't mind, why are you complaining? Kiss me..." She stubbornly climbed onto my chest, pressing her lips to mine. There was a faint fishy smell, but it wasn't unpleasant. After a long while, her lips left mine, and she chuckled, asking, "Is it good?" I knew what she meant, so I feigned anger and pinned her down, slapping her thigh and saying, "I'll ask you if it's good!" After a struggle, my glans finally found the entrance, parted her soft labia, and thrust into her vagina. "Ah! It's so big! Slow down..." she murmured, frowning. "Is it good?" "No! Not at all!" she chuckled. "Then I'll make it come out!" I threatened, kneading her breasts. "No!" she cried, clinging tightly to me, afraid I would leave her at any moment. "Hehe," I chuckled smugly. ... "Harder, oh... darling, harder, it feels so good..." she whispered urgently in my ear. "Hmm?" I stopped. "What are you doing, harder?" "Thrust me harder! Don't stop, it feels so good, thrust me harder!" She seemed like a different person, wrapping her legs around my waist and desperately pressing me down to her crotch. "How about I fuck you with my cock?" I don't know why I said it so crudely, but saying it while fucking her made me feel even more excited. "Okay... fuck me harder, ah... darling, fuck me harder..." At this moment, Feng Ye was no longer the beautiful girl standing gracefully with an umbrella in the rain, but had become a seductive slut, moaning wildly without restraint. "How can you be so slutty!" I fucked her vagina hard, grabbing her swaying breasts with both hands. "Ugh, fuck me harder, I'm not slutty, I feel so good... fuck me, fuck me, ahhh..." The sweat in winter makes it even more irritating. I lay on the bed, panting, looking at Feng Ye leaning against the pillow. A thin stream of sweat trickled down her cleavage and gathered in her navel. The warm air from the air conditioner still carried a faint musty smell, occasionally mixed with a strong scent of hormones, making it hard for me to breathe. I gasped for breath, my eyes occasionally glancing at Feng Ye's inner thighs. Her sparse pubic hair was covered in white fluid, and her swollen labia were slightly parted, revealing the tender flesh inside her vagina. Milky white semen was occasionally squeezed out of her vagina. This was her other little mouth, opening and closing with a unique charm. Her labia parted to the sides, obscuring the mole, which I couldn't see from my angle. What a lewd scene! Under the lewd gaze of the innkeeper, we checked out. "I don't like that guy! He's so sleazy, we're not coming to his place again!" Feng Ye pouted and huffed at the inn entrance. "You have to take responsibility for me!" she quickly cheered up, hooking her arm around mine, rubbing her head against my chest, and looking up at me earnestly. "Yeah, of course!" I chuckled, pinching her nose. "So, shouldn't you call me wife now?" she asked seriously. "Huh?" I felt a chill run down my spine. What was this all about? How old was she, already wanting to be my wife?
"What? You don't want to?" she immediately looked like she was about to burst into tears. "Why should I call you wife? Isn't it better to call me Xiao Ye?" "No, that's what everyone calls me. You call me wife, I'll call you husband..." she said, still with a serious expression. I opened my mouth with difficulty, but couldn't bring myself to say those two words. "Hmph, I'm ignoring you!" she huffed and walked away alone. "Wife," my voice was barely a whisper. "Hehe, what did you call me? I didn't hear you clearly..." she stopped abruptly, turned around, and smiled smugly. "Wife..." "You have to take responsibility for me!" she said again on the way. "Yeah, I'll take responsibility!" I replied absentmindedly, my eyes searching for a pharmacy on the side of the road. Once again defeated by the meaningful look in the eyes of the middle-aged woman selling medicine, I grabbed a box of emergency contraceptive pills and fled. Only after watching Feng Ye take the pills did I feel relieved. "Husband, I miss you! Do you miss me?" Feng Ye would always say these words on the phone. "Husband, I miss your penis..." This was the prelude to Feng Ye wanting to go to a hotel for sex. "Husband, fuck me hard, I'm going to die..." This was when Feng Ye was enjoying being fucked. "Honey, who is she? Why does she keep texting you..." This was her jealousy when she saw the notification from the female class monitor. "Honey, why are you peeking at girls' butts again?" This was her pouting and complaining as she pinched my arm. As time went on, and the novelty of lust gradually wore off, I suddenly felt a little tired, or more accurately, a little annoyed. I was used to living alone before, but when another person entered my life and cared about and interfered in almost everything, I felt like my soul was being tightly held, as if there was always a force pushing me away. (XI) "Are you taking the bus home too?" During the winter break of my sophomore year, in the waiting hall of the long-distance bus station, Gu Xuan stood in front of me, smoothing her bangs and saying. "Yeah, you know, train tickets are hard to buy..." I suppressed my excitement and tried to appear nonchalant and calm. Only then did I realize that the force that kept reminding me and pushing me away from Feng Ye actually came from the attraction of the girl in front of me. She was like Mount Kilimanjaro rising abruptly from the African plains, her pristine white peak so noble and aloof, standing out from the crowd. The faint black mole on her chin caught my eye again. "How have you been lately?" she asked, looking somewhat haggard, her eyes lacking their usual sparkle, revealing weariness, her voice slightly hoarse. "Not bad, how about you?" I finally managed to tear my gaze away from her eyes, looking at the mole on her chin, and said softly. "Um…not bad…" she seemed hesitant, her gaze lowered to the slightly dirty floor. "Can I switch seats with you?" Gu Xuan asked the person next to her. That person seemed to be a student as well, knowing Gu Xuan's seat was in the front, and readily agreed. For a long time after the bus started moving, we remained silent. Silence is sometimes an attitude; it seemed we both wanted the other to speak first, yet we were both afraid the other would speak. This contradictory feeling was maddening, so I leaned against the window and tried to sleep. Perhaps because I had been too passionate with Feng Ye before leaving a couple of days ago, I was exhausted and fell asleep quickly. When I woke up, I felt a bit heavy on my shoulder. Turning my head, I saw Gu Xuan sleeping soundly with her head on my shoulder. I couldn't help but think of this time last year, also on the way home, she was leaning on my shoulder, sunlight streaming through the car window, illuminating her face. I didn't have the heart to disturb her, hoping this beautiful scene could last forever. "When did you wake up?" she asked lazily, opening her eyes. When she noticed me staring at her, a faint blush immediately appeared on her face. "I just woke up too, it's okay, you can sleep a little longer if you're sleepy," I said, turning my head to look at the desolate wilderness outside the car window, the distant rolling hills, and the dark gray sun on the hills. "I've slept enough..." she said shyly, getting up from my shoulder, "I don't know how I fell asleep leaning on you..." "Hmm?" I turned to look at her, stroking her face which was slightly red from being pressed down, and said casually, "I said I'm fine, actually I was just thinking..." "Oh? Thinking about what?" she asked, tilting her head, a slight crescent moon curving her lips. "It was like this last year, except you were inside and I was outside." "I..." she opened her mouth, her eyes reddening, and lowered her head, saying in a muffled voice, "I broke up."
"Oh." Another long silence followed, the silence building between us until she nervously twisted the hem of her down jacket and stammered, "Don't you want to ask me anything?" "No..." I replied, feigning toughness. "I heard you're dating again?" "Yeah." Then silence again. I don't know how I got through those nearly ten hours, trying my best to maintain distance from Gu Xuan, afraid I wouldn't be able to resist getting close to her, afraid I wouldn't be able to resist wanting to hug her. When we arrived in the county town around seven o'clock in the evening, it was already dark. Under the streetlights at the station, she silently followed me outside, dragging her suitcase. The road was a bit slippery from the recent snowfall, and my shoes made a squelching sound as I stepped on it, somewhat like the sound of a penis entering a slippery vagina. To my surprise, I saw my cousin outside the station. She was covering her ears in the cold wind, stamping her feet from time to time. "Guo Ying!" I was happy to see her and shouted loudly. "Brother, why are you so late?" She jogged over, took the suitcase from my hand, and complained, "The highway was slippery, there was a traffic jam." I reached out and touched the back of her head, which was covered by a hat, and said with concern, "What are you doing here? It's so cold, I could have gone home by myself!" "Waiting for you! Hehe. Oh, by the way, my aunt and uncle are here too..." As she spoke, she pointed to a man and a woman standing under a streetlamp, my parents. My father's back was still so straight, but in the dim light, I could vaguely see the gray hairs at his temples. My mother's eyes were a little red, and she was trying to smile. This scene was so unfamiliar to me that I blinked hard, thinking I was seeing things. But the resentment in my heart had not faded away, even after so many years. There was no tearful scene. I took my cousin's hand and said, "Let's take a taxi back..." "But, brother..." At this moment, she noticed Gu Xuan next to me, suddenly winked mischievously, poked my arm with her finger, and whispered, "Brother, who's this? Your girlfriend?" "..." I rolled my eyes at her and turned to ask Gu Xuan, "How are you getting home?" "I can go back by myself, it's easy to take a taxi." Her gaze shifted back and forth between me and Guo Ying, full of surprise. "Oh, this is my cousin Guo Ying, I've been staying at her house..." As soon as I said it, I regretted it. Why did I have to explain to Gu Xuan? She had nothing to do with me anymore, what right did she have to ask me to explain?
...I stayed at my aunt's house that night. I could see the resentment in my aunt's eyes. During dinner, she kept saying that her older sister had cried on the phone earlier, hoping that I wouldn't be so willful anymore. Willful—I refused to use that word to describe myself. Things were far more complicated than just one person's willfulness. I wanted to retort, but my uncle kicked me hard under the table, while smiling and saying, "Eat, eat... Your aunt made your favorite black carp, eat more." I cursed him inwardly for being henpecked... As I lay in bed drifting off to sleep, I suddenly received a text message from Gu Xuan. She couldn't sleep and wanted to talk to someone, asking if it was convenient for me to call. I said it was too late and everyone at home was asleep. She could only ask me in the text message, "Are you still angry with me?" I felt her question was a bit ridiculous and wanted to throw my phone at her face. How could I not be angry? How could I forgive her? Perhaps she had been waiting for a long time without receiving my reply, she sent another message: "I want to see you tomorrow, is that okay?"
I really couldn't resist her temptation. Although I kept telling myself not to agree, my fingers uncontrollably typed two words: "Okay." (12) "What would you like to drink?" Gu Xuan asked. After taking off her down jacket, she was wearing a black sweater, the kind that fit her very well, outlining the round curves of her chest. "Whatever." "You always say 'whatever,' do you think I'm that casual?" she smiled, pursing her lips. She was still the same person she always was, and the mole on her chin was so familiar. I rolled my eyes at her and said, "Coffee, you should have some too. It's too cold, don't drink anything cold."
"Okay, wait a minute." Snowflakes were falling outside the window, and because of that, the shop wasn't crowded and was very quiet. The warm air from the central air conditioning made my head a little dizzy in the afternoon. Soon she returned with two cups of coffee, gently pushing one in front of me, resting her chin on her hand and smiling at me, saying, "I've noticed you've gained weight..." "Oh? Really?" I touched my face, feeling no change. "Yeah, you probably can't tell yourself." The two cups of coffee between us, steaming gently, created a romantic atmosphere on this winter afternoon. The aroma of coffee mixed with her familiar scent constantly assaulted my sense of smell. The rising steam obscured my view of her, but her bright eyes, like stars at dawn, still captivated me. "What are you looking at!" she pouted. "Ah..." I lowered my head and took a sip of coffee, trying to hide my embarrassment. "You've lost weight..." "My mom said so too," she said softly, sounding a little downcast. After a moment of silence, I felt incredibly awkward, unsure what to say, until finally I spoke: "Would you like to hear a story?" "Sure!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands in delight. "A long time ago..." "Hehe, a long time ago again..." she said, resting her chin on her hands, her face beaming. I ignored him and continued, "There was a guy who had parents, but from a very young age, probably since he could remember, he rarely received any care or attention. Back then, he only knew that his parents were away doing business, leaving early and returning late, sometimes even traveling for work. For many days of the year, he was alone at home. Later, I heard from my aunt that he didn't speak until he was three years old; before that, he was always considered mute. Heh…
From a very young age, he played alone at home. He quickly grew tired of the toys at home, and soon after, he accidentally entered his father's storage room, which was full of interesting things: hammers, chisels, screwdrivers, electric meters, copper wire, pulleys, and even a gasoline generator. He was very excited…" These things kept him entertained, though his parents would sometimes stay home with him, but only infrequently. He remembered his father teaching him to play the dusty violin and erhu on the wall when he was in elementary school. Those were some of the few happy memories of his childhood, but unfortunately, his father's factory seemed to have gone bankrupt, leaving him with a lot of debt, and his parents came home even less often. Now in middle school, he cooked his own meals every day and slept in his empty house at night…
He hated strangers because he was insecure; he preferred to do what he loved quietly by himself. He had few friends, and no girl even wanted to talk to him because his clothes were always dirty…
He developed a condition where his nose became congested, forcing him to breathe through his mouth, and he frequently experienced nosebleeds. It wasn't until before the high school entrance exam that his condition became so severe that it alarmed his teachers, prompting his parents to take him to the hospital for examination. After visiting several hospitals, they discovered he had a tumor. After the exam, the tumor was removed at a hospital in Beijing. The attending physician, looking at his thin and short frame, told his parents that any further delay would have been disastrous! The tumor had been growing, constantly compressing his brain and inhibiting the secretion of growth hormone; otherwise, he wouldn't be so short at his age… From then on, he harbored deep resentment towards his parents. Even before entering the operating room, he stubbornly pushed away his father, who was supporting him, and looked at him with a cold smile… After starting high school, he boarded at his aunt's house near the school. His aunt had a beautiful cousin, and the two quickly became inseparable. He found his cousin approachable, unlike other girls who always looked down on him, so he liked to tell her many things. His aunt treated him very well, caring for him like a mother. He no longer had to cook for himself every day, wear dirty clothes, or be ridiculed by his classmates. However, he couldn't change his inferiority complex. He became increasingly withdrawn at school, even daring only to secretly watch the girl he had a crush on, let alone confess his feelings. After the college entrance exam, he secretly applied for a student loan and found a work-study job at school, tutoring and distributing flyers every week to earn money. In college, he met a girl, a very beautiful girl… I paused, feeling a little thirsty, took a sip of coffee, and continued, looking down, “That girl helped him distribute flyers. Knowing he rarely ate meat, she would always get extra food, saying she couldn't eat that much. He wanted to refuse this care because he was actually a very proud person, and often felt it was a form of charity. But in the end, he couldn't refuse because he felt the warmth of home. He couldn't even remember the last time his mother had served him food. The reserved and introverted boy could only…” He kept all of this hidden in his heart, not even daring to tell that girl, "I like you!" Until one night, a sudden downpour occurred, and he and the girl sought shelter under the eaves. The girl's clothes were soaked, and she shivered. Finally, at her request, he hugged her to keep warm. He was overjoyed; he felt that from that moment on, the girl was his girlfriend, because they embraced downstairs in the dormitory. The girl never heard him say "I like you," and only afterward did he realize how foolish he had been… "Don't say it!" Gu Xuan across from me seemed to be crying. I looked up at her. The coffee on the table had gone cold, and there was only a thin, transparent air between us. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and her beautiful eyes were filled with tears. I ignored her, stirring my coffee as I continued, "During his freshman year of college, he went out with a girl and they stayed together that night. They kissed passionately, and when he was about to go inside, he suddenly got scared and backed away. He was terrified that the warm feelings he had shared with the girl would suddenly shatter, he was afraid he wouldn't be able to protect and care for her, and he was even more afraid of something called responsibility, because he had lacked that kind of responsibility since childhood… He stupidly told the girl that he wasn't good enough for her. So the girl left him…" "Waaah, please stop!" she cried, grabbing my hand and knocking over the cup, spilling coffee all over the table. "I don't know, I really don't know it's like this, waaah…" she sobbed, drawing curious glances from afar. "Don't cry, don't cry," I patted her hand, wiping away her tears across the coffee-splattered table. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so stubborn, I shouldn't have been so angry, I… waaah…" she shook her head, biting her lower lip. "Okay, it's all in the past. I've said everything I wanted to say, and you know everything you wanted to know. It's okay now, don't cry, it's not good if others see you." "Waaah, I don't care, I just want to cry, I hate myself..." She turned her tear-streaked face to the window, frantically wiping away her tears. After some time, she calmed down, her eyes still red, and said, "Why didn't you tell me all this back then? Why didn't you say anything that day on the playground?" "Which day?" I asked, puzzled. "The day military training ended..." She lowered her head awkwardly. "Oh, that day..." I remembered the boy who called her "Xuanxuan," and her hand that was in his. "I don't know what to say. Seeing you holding hands with someone else hurts... I have so much to say to you, but in the end, I can't say anything. You know I'm really bad with words," she chuckled. "You're bad with words?" After a moment, she immediately pouted and said, "Yeah, I really am. Sometimes I feel like kicking you a few times to vent my anger. I'm just a blockhead!" Her tear-streaked face didn't diminish her sneer in the slightest; like a peach blossom after a storm, it only made her look more charming and beautiful. "You... where's your girlfriend?" she suddenly asked, feigning nonchalance. I was stunned for a moment, looking into her eyes, unsure how to answer. "She went home too," I said, touching my nose. "How is she?" "Yeah, she's fine," I replied casually, afraid she'd bring up the topic again, so I immediately asked, "Haven't you guys had any get-togethers lately?" "Yeah, in a couple of days, a few of them haven't gone home yet. What about you?" "Hehe, they invited me too, but I think I'll pass. I didn't have many friends in those years, I'd feel awkward going." Her eyes reddened again, as if she remembered the story I'd just told. I checked the time and suggested we go for a walk; it was too stuffy inside. The snow seemed to be getting heavier, quickly covering the melted ground with a thin layer. "It's rare to see this much snow in NJ..." Gu Xuan said, her scarf tucked around her neck. Her black boots crunched on the snow. "It's in the South, maybe it started snowing there after we left yesterday." "Ouch!" She slipped, grabbing my arm in a panic. I almost fell over from her pull, barely managing to steady myself by holding onto a lamppost. We looked at each other's disheveled state and burst into laughter. She didn't let go of my arm. I walked forward, while she tugged at my coat sleeve like a little follower. I stopped, saying helplessly, "Aren't your hands cold? Besides, it's not good if others see us!" "I don't care, I want to!" she pouted, then her eyes darted around, and she smiled sweetly, "You're right, my hands are cold. Feel them if you don't believe me..." She then took my hand, the icy touch making me shiver. "Your hands are warmer..." she said, pursing her lips. In the swirling snowflakes, I held her hand, tightening my grip, our bodies drawing closer until she gently nestled into my arms, murmuring, "So warm, such a familiar scent..."
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