My first virgin's love story

My first virgin's love story
Not to be modest, but having wasted over forty years, I still have material to write about, and it's not that I can't write at all; what I lack is time. I don't know if I can be considered a successful man, only that although I've stepped out of the circle of struggling for a living, I've entered another circle, unable to escape the responsibilities I bear, a social responsibility, "the mission to contribute my talents to social progress and human civilization!" Time is becoming increasingly scarce, completely contrary to the helpless claim of being "burdened by fame and fortune." Since ancient times, for those who write, as long as their brains are sharp enough, time is the main cost, and I happen to be a beggar of time!
How many times have I dreamed of having time to sit down and carefully reflect on the past, to write down the stories that once moved me deeply, and to place them on my grave beneath the tombstone, fulfilling my last wish in this life, and also as a confession from the depths of my soul to my wife.
Humans are emotional beings. Whenever I sit alone in front of the screen, with the cold light of the room shining into the quiet night sky, my thoughts often drift out the window to search for those passionate dreams of the past, to slowly warm up my blood that has been cooling down, and to give myself a little bit of warm motivation.
This serves as the preface.
Looking back slowly, the red of the night that once belonged to us is still you. The bright sun in my heart is like flowing tears. I hope you can understand and forgive me. I will leave you tomorrow morning. The road may be lonely and long. In an instant, there are too many things to say, but we will soon be on different sides. I can only deeply cherish this moment. Even if a thousand songs drift far away in the future, I will still be on my way. Even if a thousand stars shine brighter in the future, the moon tonight cannot compare to the beauty of this night. I cannot even think clearly about what I think tonight. Because you sang with me tonight as we parted, I suddenly felt a beautiful sadness. It turns out it was all you who made my memories so long. When will I be able to linger in this gazing again, just like tonight, letting our eyes speak for each other? When some day, raindrops gently tap on your window, when the wind disrupts your thoughts, can you spare a moment to think of this old image? Even if a thousand songs drift far away on my journey in the future, even if a thousand stars shine brighter than tonight's moon, none of them can compare to the beauty of this night, nor can they make me appreciate it more. Because you sang with me tonight, nothing can compare to the beauty of this night, nor can they make me appreciate it more. Because I sang with you tonight, even if a thousand songs drift far away on my journey in the future, even if a thousand stars shine brighter than tonight's moon, none of them can wash away the thoughts I have tonight, because I don't know when I will sing with you again.
—Excerpt from "A Thousand Songs"
Every time I hear this song, I think of Juanzi. She was the first girl in my life, besides my wife, with whom I developed a deep emotional connection, and also the first virgin I ever had with anyone other than my wife. She was only with me for a short time in my life, but she left an indelible mark on my heart.
This isn't just a story. It happened in 1996, before Hong Kong's return to China. Eleven years have passed, but it feels like it happened yesterday! Looking at my somewhat weathered wife and my children who had just started school, I felt a deep sense of guilt. As a man, my first priority is to ensure that those I love and those who love me live happy and fulfilling lives. I shouldn't utter any promises of forever.
Our living conditions were terrible back then. Chairman Mao told me, "Poverty breeds change," so I packed my bags and said to my wife, "I'm going to try my luck in the south." My wife always seconded me on any of life's biggest decisions. Her beautiful eyes shone with anticipation: "Go ahead, I'll take care of things at home." She said it so casually, but I knew that her burden was no lighter than mine: the weight of four elderly people and a child!
--acquaintance--.
Life in southern cities moves at a much faster pace than in inland areas. I joined Company A on my tenth day away from home. Southerners aren't as outgoing as northerners, but they're still warm and welcoming. I was assigned to a single dormitory on the second floor of a courtyard house. All my neighbors, except for a male cleaner, were women. I met them all on my first day, except for Juan. I met Juan a month later; she had been on leave for over a month before returning. She lived two doors down from me. Another girl lived between us. She was frail, quiet, and petite, about 1.58 meters tall, very thin, with dark skin—typical of people from the southernmost part of China. Her clothes were simple, concealing her beautiful curves and high breasts. It wasn't until six months later, when I had her, that I truly discovered her physical beauty. I was surprised to find her virgin breasts so perfect: a 34D, round and full, with nipples like large red beans, gleaming in the dim light. But that's a story for another time.
My first words to Juanzi were "Hello," and that was it. She was the kind of girl who didn't like to talk much.
Back then, although I had my share of being a wolf in sheep's clothing, I was still somewhat shy and didn't like to initiate conversations. We were so close, spending every day together, even eating in the cafeteria, but we didn't talk much. She was introverted, and I was shy, so we didn't have much interaction. I was extremely thin, short, dark-skinned, and poor. The only thing I could admire was my high, full forehead, which seemed to constantly remind the world that I possessed a wise head! Despite my less-than-ideal appearance, I was incredibly popular with women, perhaps due to my positive qualities: helpfulness, generosity, integrity, kindness, humor, and dedication. These qualities made me very approachable.
Within a month of joining the company, I had become very close with everyone. Later, Juan told me that the company used to be quite lifeless, but after I joined, it was filled with a cheerful atmosphere every day. The company's employees were predominantly female, with 70% being women, making men a "hot potato." The company's boss was from Chaozhou, very easygoing. He appreciated my dedication and professional skills, and while he didn't talk much, I later learned that he had been praising me. A year later, when I submitted my resignation, I learned that the boss and several vice presidents had jointly submitted a report to the Shanghai headquarters, strongly requesting that I be retained despite the unusual circumstances. However, I had already accepted an invitation from someone who had shown me kindness. As Zengzi said, life is often unsatisfactory. Reluctantly, I had to let them down. This included letting Juan down.
My arrival seemed to inject boundless vitality into the company. Business skyrocketed, and more importantly, the enthusiasm and cohesion of the employees soared to unprecedented heights. After get off work, the employees were often nowhere to be seen, each with their own social engagements. As for me, having left my wife and children behind, I was now a true bachelor. My residence was only a few meters from the company, and after get off work, with nothing to do, I would often go to the company to chat with the staff on duty. At that time, the Internet was still a rarity in China. Aside from occasionally seeking relief from physical discomfort by visiting prostitutes, I basically spent all my free time at the company.
Gradually, after get off work, more and more employees gathered together to chat, laugh, write, read, and so on. During work hours, their faces were always beaming. As for why, I only learned the reason later.
After I met Juanzi, our interactions were limited to simple greetings like "Hello" and "Have you eaten?" Juanzi never joined in my jokes or conversations with colleagues. However, I often heard her soft laughter; her voice was very gentle and soft. Because Juanzi wasn't particularly attractive, aside from her gentle laughter, she didn't really catch my attention. Then one evening, we were alone in the computer room, diligently learning WPS. She, standing not far away, seemed to be talking to herself: "F-kun, don't listen to what they say, they're up to no good." "F-kun" was Juanzi's unique way of addressing me. I felt a certain unease about this address; hearing it felt like stepping into a movie from the 1930s or 40s.
I was taken aback, not understanding. "Don't listen to them?" What did that mean? I stared at her, bewildered. Her profile was beautiful, and a surge of emotion welled up inside me. She parted her lips slightly: "They want you to fake a divorce; they have ulterior motives. Many men here fake divorces, and eventually, it becomes real." Now I understood.
这是南方发达城市，很多内地的人都在削尖脑袋往这里钻。大部分内地人的思想却很保守，还看重什么“公家”单位和户口之类的东东，而这里有一条政策：中级职称以上的人可以调入并解决户口，但如果结婚有妻儿的，如果妻子也是中级职称，还好办，如果不是的话，单位爲了怕麻烦，多不考虑。因此，这里有一个奇特的现象：很多内地人，一到这里，被繁华的都市和高薪征服，说服妻子办理假离婚，以单身一人调入，然后再办理复婚，再按夫妻分居办理妻子的调入。
然而，人生不如意，真的是十之八九。这里所有假离婚的男性，都被这里也想调入的女孩横插一杆、捷足先登，成爲男人的第二任女主人。男人们最无法控制的是自己强烈需求的生理欲望，每每有不太另令讨厌的女孩，主动向自己奉献肉体，几乎没有男人能坐怀不乱的。所以，这里很多内地来的中年男子（人才几乎都已步入中年），都和来自各地的年轻女孩组成家庭，老夫少妻的多得是。相差十几岁的是常事。这些事情，在我来到这里两个多月之后，便恶贯满耳了。因此，几个月来，公司里大部份的女孩都劝我，要我和妻子假离婚，想办法调入之后再复婚。
我自岿然不动！婚姻是人生之中最最严肃的事情，怎么允许哪怕是一丁点的虚假成份？这便是我对娟子极富好感的开始。只有她一个人劝我不要假离婚！我笑笑对娟子说，谢谢你的提醒，我不会的，要我和妻离婚，哪怕是假的，我甯可生活清贫！甯可在山沟里呆！娟子就是因爲我的这句话，把她处子最宝贵的东西奉献给我了，这是她后来告诉我的。然后，我告诉娟子，我的妻子是全天下最美丽最贤慧的了，她是我心中的无价之宝！娟子一下子顾盼生辉！她用她那极其柔软的声音对我说：现在象你这样的人几乎看不到了。
我一下子就脸红了，灯光下，我很害臊的样子让娟子越发的对我好感。她笑笑说，想不到ｆ君还会脸红呢。多听到娟子的一些说话，尤其是近距离的以第一人称在一起的说话，让我第一次感受到娟子那极富吸引力的柔软的声音！她的声音真的是很美，绝不是那种因爲爱才有的感觉，声音里，仿佛没有骨头，软软的，轻轻的滑入你的耳廓，十分的受用。上帝造人，真的是十二万分的公平。根本不起眼的娟子，上帝竟赋予她极富魅力的、柔软无比的声音！我赶紧把话岔开，问：你在做什么呢？ｗｐｓ学起来感觉不错吧？
娟子告诉我，她在学习打字写信，写给她妈妈，出来几个月了，怪想妈妈的。那时，手机也是希罕物，公司电话是不能打出的，只可用２００卡打出。写信仍是远方游子最好的向亲人传替信息的一种途径了。呵呵，想不到娟子还是个孝女哦，难得，现在很多的年轻人，出门之后，就想不起在家当年哺育自己的爹妈了。娟子笑笑，自己的妈耶，不想才怪。在她的词典里，好象没有“不孝”这词呢。一下子，我心中升腾起一种异样的感觉，真是觉得和娟子距离一下子拉近了。心中暗自感概：现在这样的女孩真是不多了，没想到，在自己的邻居中，居然有如此的孝顺女儿！
不觉，已是深夜。
南方的深夜十二点，夜生活才刚刚开始呢。我们都有深夜睡觉之前在公司外面大排档炒田螺炒粉拿上宿舍内吃的习惯，多年来养成的吃宵夜的习惯让我忽然感觉腹内空空的，很饿。我一阵风般的出去，不一会，就带回一碟田螺、两听啤酒，第一次面对面的近距离的和娟子一起宵夜！
这是我和娟子的第一次真正意义上的相识！那一年，娟子十八岁。
——好感——。
自此，和娟子的关系似乎一下子就亲近了许多。在潜意识里，她认爲我是一个极有责任感、顾家的男人，我认爲她是一个极孝顺的、又心地善良的好女孩，双方的眼中，对方开始越来越美丽起来。
我开始进出她的闺房，常常在有空闲时间的时侯，会到她的房间去小坐一会，聊一会天，但她基本上不进出我的房间，我一直很纳闷，直到我们有肌夫之亲，她仍旧不进出我的房间。心想，可能是女孩子的矜持吧。
那天，我们又在电脑室学习ｗｐｓ排版，开始有公司好多个的女孩，但她们只练习一会就出去玩了。电脑室里又只留下一个酷爱电脑的我和一个做什么事都十分认真的娟子了。娟子稍稍的侧身对我说：ｆ君，以后你少到我房间来，多去她们房间走一走，好吗？就目前爲止，我们一直相处得很清纯，自觉心中还没有对娟子産生过任何的非份之想，因爲娟子很纯很善良，我连意淫都没有过。我便觉得奇怪：爲什么呢？“她们在挤兑我呢。”“爲什么挤兑你？”我更加不明白，“挤兑你是因爲我？”“……”娟子欲言又止莫非……，一个念头在脑海中一闪而过！心中有了想法，便也有点不自在起来，我呐呐的说，好……吧，谁的这里都不去了，反正这里开始弄起电脑来了，我以后就玩电脑得了，娟子脸上泛起红润：她们在吃醋呢，以前你可不是这样的。
我知道她说以前我不是这样的是指什么。进公司以来，我一直是一个活跃分子，二楼的四合院里，周围都是女孩，大约七八个，每天吃完晚饭，没事，就端着一个茶杯，这家走走，那家看看，和这位女孩开几句玩笑，和那位姑娘聊几句家常。大家都很乐意我去她们房间小坐，个个都很热情的拿出她们最喜欢的小吃款待我。因爲很少和娟子说话，就一直都不去娟子房间。可能在娟子眼里看来，我好象是一个大衆情人一般。
其实我跟谁都没有什么，和她们只是聊聊天而已。
娟子又说，你自己不知道吧，你是大家追求的对象呢。大家都想通过你，长期调入这里，因此，你进谁的房间，另外的几个人就不高兴，但她们拿你没办法，就只好对那个人挤兑。哦，原来如此。自从上次有了交往之后，我和娟子的来往的确比别人多得多了。也不知爲什么，和娟子一起聊天，有一种亲近和敬重之感，不象和其他女孩那样，我可以很随便的和她们开玩笑、说点黄段子，还可以坐她们的床。“难道我做错什么了吗？”我自言自语。娟子说，不是你的错的，是她们没安好心。看着娟子的侧影，不知爲什么，我心里竟滋生一股怜爱的情愫。“走吧，我们去外面炒田螺吃！”我关上电脑，走到她的电脑旁边，对她说。
只见她一脸灿烂，笑着说，好啊好啊，我最喜欢吃田螺了。女人的灿烂的微笑，如同幽怨的眼泪一般，一样是俘虏男人的最好利器！看着她一脸的天真可爱，心里涌起一股想吻她的念头，我们相拥着一起走出电脑室门的那一刻，我竟然有一股强烈的拥抱她的欲望！从她的耳后望去，那发际下面的细腻的皮肤涣散着青春的气息，我竟有点晕晕的感觉。已是深夜了，宵夜吃得差不多，我们两人各喝了一听金威啤酒，都没有酒量，我仍旧红得象关公，娟子好一点，只是双颊略显红润，大街上的大排档，一点情调的氛围都没有，但晚风吹来，撩起娟子的刘海，一直面带微笑的娟子，在路灯下显得愈发的美艳，酒精在体内流串，差不多一周没有发泄的我，竟然生出一股想占有她的欲望，心里想着，这纯情女孩，她的乳房、她的大腿根部会是什么样子呢？做爱又会是个什么样子呢？
“在看什么呢？”娟子的声音一下子打断了我意淫的思绪。
“不好意思，走神了”我私下狠狠的ｂｓ了自己一回。
“哦，在想妻子了吧？”娟子不经意的问。
“呵呵，老夫老妻了，没有这么浪漫的。”我有点傻傻的笑道。心想，没被你看出我是在想你吧？
“我还没有见过谁有你这么浪漫的呢。”娟子有点酸酸的说，“你打电话是不是不用钱，每天晚上，你和家里通话几乎要一个小时呢，还不浪漫吗？”
自从到了ａ公司，我每天晚上都一定会在公司里和妻子打一个电话，一般一个小时。都是我先用２００卡打过去，然后再由妻子打回来。家里打电话是免费的。
“说实话，还真不用钱呢。在家时，有一个电信的朋友给了我一个电话密码，打电话全免。至于谁爲我付这笔帐单，我也不知道。”我有点不好意思的说，“我的妻子真的是很好，我非常非常的爱她”
我其实知道，在一位女孩面前说另一个女人的好，绝对是一种错误，虽然我心底深处总想有点艳遇、桃花运什么的，但我极爱自己的妻子和家，我必须给自己带上一点盔甲。
“现在象你这样的男人真的不多见了，你妻子真是幸运、幸福”娟子淡淡的说。
“其实，你也会有一个很美好的人生的。”我对娟子说，“你和公司里其他的几个女孩不一样，象一块没有没有污染的白纸，纯洁得象玉，而且，心地善良，孝顺，做事认真，不贪图享乐、不慕虚荣”，其实，这真是大实话，和其他几位女孩交往，我真没有这种感觉。
“怎么你对我也贫嘴了，不喜欢你这样贊美我，我自己怎么样自己很清楚，没有你说的那么好。”娟子有点不好意思的说。
回到宿舍，仍旧可见还有三个窗户透着明亮的灯光。
娟子俏俏的在我耳边说，“你没回房，她们都不放心呢，怕你被别人拐了。
嘻嘻”
“乱说，有谁还会拐一个要财没财，要色没色的半老男人？”我轻轻的开玩笑说，“你会吗？你会这么傻吗？”
我送她到门口，黑暗中，娟子的眼眸亮亮的，透出一股深邃的目光，里面仿佛有一种我渴望的东西。
轻轻的，我说，“晚安，今晚我很开心，早点睡吧，明天还要上班呢”，她转身的一刻，我似乎闻到娟子秀发上散发出一种极其好闻的味道，很性感的味道。
我伸出手，去抱她，她好象就要摔到一般，就在即将拥抱娟的一刹那，我大脑一紧，妻的形象浮现出来，轻轻的一缩，双手扶住娟子微微颤抖的肩，“做个好梦”，转身就快步离开了呆在那里的娟。
——诱惑——如此这般的几个月过去了，我和娟子的关系一直保持着不即不离的状态。每次胸中涌起拥抱娟子欲望时，总能想起妻来，每每下体涨得难受之时，也只好抽空出去，在公司不远的一个公园里，有大量的站街女，在公园的草地上或妓女们租来的出租屋里，花上２０~１００元不等，放松一下，让自己归于平淡。
在高度发展和人才流通如此频繁的今天，妓女这个古老的行业竟然发挥着如此巨大的作用，如果没有她们，无法想象这数以千万计的打工一族是如何解决这“色、食、性”的基本需求的。
闲话少说，言归正传。
和娟子认识几个月来，随着关系的越来越近，每次在独处一起分手那一刻，心中总会涌起一种欲望，总是期待着，和娟子能发生一点什么。
然而，理智常常告诉自己，千万不要对不起自己在家含辛茹苦的妻子！
没想到，在认识娟子的五个月之后，我们还是突破了第一道情爱防线！
爲了应付区里的一场卡拉ｏｋ大奖赛，公司的老总应大家的要求，在四合院的三楼会议室里配置了一套音响设备，让大家晚上或业余时间有空可以到会议室唱唱歌、跳跳舞什么的，也丰富一下大家的业余文化生活。
人类对新鲜的东西总是喜欢保持三分钟热度的。我们也不例外。
自从有了音响，我们天天晚上去ｏｋ，只是因爲人多，难得轮上唱上一首，大家总是在沙发上坐等，一起起哄、一起哼哼，偶尔可看到一二位胆子大些的上场跳舞。
第一次听娟子唱歌，没想到娟子的歌唱得那么好。绝对是得奖的主，事实证明，后来娟子在卡拉ｏｋ赛上，获第二名。
娟子特别喜欢唱陈慧娴的《飘雪》，尤其是《千千阙歌》，而且因爲娟子也是南方人，一口流利的粤语，把这歌唱得十分的娓娓动人，如果光听歌声，你准会以爲是唱片里放出来的。
那时我胆子小，也许是由于长期的对自个外貌的自卑感，一直以来，在很多可以跳舞的场所，从来不敢上去试试，因此没有学会跳舞。这下，有好几个女孩约我上台，我哪敢上啊？但又不好意思承认自己不会跳舞，怕别人说自己老土。
面对一个又一个的邀请者，只好面带微笑说：不会。一付高深莫测的样子，全然不是一付不会的嘴脸。这样些许几天之后，再没人敢约我了。
那天，晚餐，遇见娟子。“你好，晚上还ｋ歌吗？你的歌喉真是天之杰作！”
我由衷的贊叹道。
“别夸我了，我只是喜欢唱歌而已，以前在学校的时侯经常会练嗓子。对了，你真的不会跳舞吗？”
“呵呵，我几时骗过你呀？真不会跳。”然后，我把我之所以不会跳的原因轻描淡写了一番，带点调皮的问，“看你的身材，舞一定跳得好，教我怎么样？”
娟子对我的人生经历很是感概，语出惊人：“看来，一个人自卑有时也不一定是坏事，会因此拼搏、反思，会因此谦卑而易结善缘，你的人缘很好。”，随后，也轻描淡写的，“我在学校里的培训班里学过一点，不熟，不过，可以私下教你试试。”
一言爲定，我们击掌爲誓。
在三楼会议室人多，不好教。我们就选择了在娟子的房间。娟子很喜欢唱歌，几乎每首流行歌曲都倒唱如流。她说她从小就向往当歌星的，只是自己长得不好看，也很自卑的，所以，就默默的读家里人认爲不错的中专了。她有一台跟随她几年的在学校买的录放机，床上放着一大堆磁带。
我们定了一个学习计划，娟子说保证一周内教会我慢三慢四、快三快四，再花两周，就教会恰恰。那时侯，可没有现在这个胆，再说，在娟子之前，我除了泡一泡ｆｌ、ｓｎ或站街ｍｍ之外，从来没有泡过正经女孩，因此，我还一直没敢有太出格的想法，最多意淫一回而已。
每次搂着娟子跳的时侯，我准是手心出汗的，十分紧张。我紧张第一次如此近距离的搂着一个自己喜欢的妻子以外的女人，闻着她的体香，感受着她软软的手温，她细细的腰隔着一层薄薄的衣服，每次总有一种触电般的感觉。昏暗的灯光下，娓娓动听的声音，似乎透着挑逗和诱惑！
可以看出，娟子其实是极喜欢我的，我自小读文学书读得多，对男女之情有很敏锐的感觉。从目光的余光中常可感受娟子射过来的热辣辣的目光，我们相搂着，娟子的秀发常常刺得我的鼻子痒痒的，很舒服。
每天我们学习一个小时，就会很累，然后我们一起出去宵夜。日子过得很开心很快乐。
一周快到了，我的慢三慢四学得还真是象模象样的了，那天，我们没有象以前那样到外面宵夜，而是弄来一些炒田螺、炒粉和四听啤酒，就在娟子的房间里庆祝我学业有成和感谢我的老师娟子。
我们边听音乐边喝啤酒，边吃田螺，我挑了一个最大的田螺，肉多，用牙签挑着送到娟子的面前，只见娟子张开她那好看的嘴，一脸幸福的吃着螺肉，昏暗的灯光下，这一幕竟让自己有些感动。俨然就象小两口一般。
脸渐渐有点象关公，脑子里也开始晕晕的，我轻轻的说，娟子，你很美，谢谢你这么久来给我带来那么多的快乐。
娟子好似也有点醉了，但口齿却很清楚：ｆ君，你爲什么结婚这么早？才三十岁，小孩就四五岁了！
呵呵，早吗？我也不知道。缘份吧。
……嗯……缘份……是的，缘份……娟子呢喃着，眼光中，可见亮亮的一圈，似乎含着泪光，似乎透着幽怨。
酒，喝得差不多了，我们俩个的酒量都极小，一听啤酒都能醉的，现在竟然喝了两听。娟子一时兴起，站起来说，我们再跳一曲，不是师生了，是舞伴了。
“曾经心痛”的慢四步在录音机中响起，我们一起旋入了“舞池”。
娟子开始醉了，我搂着她的腰，感觉似乎她站不稳一般直往下滑，娟晕晕的，身体几乎趴在我的身上，我用力搂住她，虽是深秋，可薄薄的衬衣却感觉到娟子胸前鼓鼓的软，湿湿的暖，娟的脸几乎贴在我的耳后，她那动人心魄的吐气如兰，让我酒不醉而人自醉了。晕晕的，我的思绪仿佛一下子象脱僵的马，放开那道德的僵绳，紧紧的把娟子拥在胸前，拼命的揉挤着、搓弄着，娟子闭着双眼，那吐气如兰的双唇美艳欲滴，忍不禁吻将上去！
天，蹋了！
地，陷了！
大脑似乎一片空白，混混沌沌的一片煳！我的口中轻轻的喊着“娟子……娟子……”，耳边却依稀听到“爱你……爱你……”的呢喃！
站不稳，我们一起倒在了娟子的床上，我们疯狂的搂抱着、吻着、吸着，天与地早已分不出上下，混沌一片了……不知道过了多久，床上的被褥早被我们弄得一蹋煳涂！娟子的胸前正敞开着，圆润饱满的双乳，丰隆富足，如红豆般的乳头，在昏暗的灯光下熠熠生辉！我早已没有了绅士的风度，脸埋着娟子深深的乳沟，在其中游着、揉着，吸着娟子硬硬的乳头，忽然闻到一股从娟子腋下散发出来的淡淡的“狐香”！这是一种极其性感的、涨春的、挑逗的味道，加上娟子呢喃着“我要给你要给你……”的声音，让我更加疯狂的撕拉娟子身上的衣服，她那双健美的大腿，结实富有弹性，黑色的镂边的内裤，竟见耻部丰隆饱满，似欲放的花！大腿是如此的滑嫩，大腿根部的三角地带，带着热冒着气，透着湿湿的滑！
早已丧失理智的我们，已顾及不了许多，我站起来，三下二下的把外衣全部脱光，我那涨涨的下体，雄姿勃发、气宇轩昂！就在我要脱内裤的一刹那，浑身的潮红被深秋的冷一激灵，大脑一片清明，不行，绝对不行，这或许是娟子的有别于其他女孩的老谋深算！我不能对不起在家期盼着望穿秋水的妻！
我赶紧穿回衣服，扶起娟子，一个劲说对不起，对不起，我真的好喜欢你，但我是有妻室的人，不配这么清纯的你的。
娟子一脸伤感，双眼涌满泪水，轻轻的说，我会恨你的！
我没有听懂！
……——离别——自从那次以后，我们不再有亲密的来往了。回复到跳舞之前的那种淡然。
那年元旦过后，从家里看望妻子返回公司。娟子的妹妹在城市的一家工厂打工，因没有休息，平时很少往来。这次有几天元旦补休，就来看姐了，姐妹俩想去附近的一个山庄公园，那时我正好有相机，她们就邀请我一起去游玩。
那天，我们照了很多相，玩得很开心，在一个草地上，她妹妹趁她去洗手间时告诉我，娟子很爱我，她知道我有妻有子，也看过我的影集，知道我有一个幸福的家，但她说我是她第一个爱上的男人，没想到竟是一个有妇之夫！她不会破坏我的家庭，只想好好的珍惜目前在一起的时光。她妹妹还告诉我，娟子对我的评价极高极高，她会如此钟情你，这是做妹妹的没有想到的。
她妹妹是一个性格很爽朗的人，她开玩笑说，“如果我是你妻子，我就会和姐姐一起分享你，一起爱你，和你组成一个三口之家，我们两个一人爲你生一个儿子！”
让我有点哭笑不得，却十分的感动。
……自此，对娟子，我没有那种她“老谋深算”的看法了。心里烙印上一个纯情女孩款款的印记了。
年关近了，妻子把老人家送回家乡，携五岁的儿子来到城市，一起在公司守年，那一年，娟子也留年，留年的员工加上妻儿共八人，在公司食堂自己动手做饭，妻子的手艺让所有人对我羡慕不已！呵呵，都说我很有口福。
后来妻告诉我，说她不太喜欢娟子，总感觉娟子有哪里不太对劲。
很多年以后，妻看到我们在山庄公园的合影，就说她的第六感是很灵的，早就感觉到我们之间好象有点暧昧，花了很大劲才哄好妻子，这是后话。
一切似乎归于平淡。
和娟子的故事，也似乎要结束了。
然而，让我狠狠的ｂｓ自己的小人之心是在我即将离开公司的那些日子！我鄙视自己小看了娟子，鄙视自己的自私！
另一个城市，有一个曾对我有知遇之恩的领导，要我回去帮他，一起创业，一起打天下，虽然ａ公司的上上下下对我都很好，当知道我要离开的时侯，老总和副总都联名上书总部要想办法留住我，可恪守信义的我还是决意离开。
我不是第一个告诉娟子要走的，老总一直对我很好，我告诉他，２０天后，我就要离开公司。
我不敢告诉娟子，想想要离开娟子，心就沈甸甸的。
那天，宣布走的第三天，正好是周末，晚饭后，娟子第一次来到我的房间，只见娟子一袭白色的连衣短裙，ｖ字的胸前领把深深的乳沟显露无遗，腰束得很好，显得臀部微微的后翘，平平的小腹，被裙摆把大腿根部的三角区显得异常的流线，我看得有点呆了。只见娟子就说，ｆ君，今晚能陪我跳一次舞吗？我有点诧异，我们很久没有跳舞了，也很久没有近距离的接触过了，我有点调侃的说，当然，求之不得！
先出去走走透透气吧，娟子说。
这天晚上，娟子说过的话几乎超过了半年多来我们在一起说的全部。这次，她让我了解了她的家族、她的童年、她的读书时代……，讲到她的爱好、她的理想……，真的想不到，娟子有这么深厚的思想情怀，但她没有告诉我她爱我。
十点左右，三楼会议室。
灯光幽暗，音乐响起，娟子拿起麦克风，说，下面我爲我心爱的ｆ君唱一首《千千阙歌》，爲他辞行……竟见娟子的双眼闪着泪光！她还是知道了我要离开的事实！
徐徐回望，曾属于彼此的晚上红红仍是你，赠我的心中艳阳如流傻泪，祈望可体恤兼见谅明晨离别你，路也许孤单得漫长一瞬间，太多东西要讲可惜即将在各一方，只好深深把这刻尽凝望，来日纵是千千阙歌，飘于远方我路上，来日纵是千千晚星，亮过今晚月亮，都比不起这宵美丽，都思不清今晚我所想，ａｈ。因你今晚共我唱临行临别，才顿感哀伤的漂亮原来全是你，令我的思忆漫长何年何月，才又可今宵一样停留凝望里，让眼睛讲彼此立场当某天，雨点轻敲你窗，当风声吹乱你构想，可否抽空想这张旧模样，来日纵是千千阙歌，飘于远方我路上，来日纵是千千晚星，亮过今晚月亮，都比不起这宵美丽，亦绝不可使我更欣赏，因你今晚共我唱，怎都比不起这宵美丽，亦绝不可使我更欣赏，因我今晚共你唱，来日纵是千千阙歌，飘于远方我路上，来日纵是千千晚星，亮过今晚月亮，都比不起这宵美丽，都洗不清今晚我所想，因不知哪天再共你唱……！
歌，唱得如泣如诉，我的心也直往下沈！娟子早已泪流满面，似乎看见娟子的双肩在微微的颤抖！我带着极其复杂的心情，搂起娟子就在会议室的地毯上面，进入了“曾经心痛”的慢四旋律……！
我们跳得非常的和谐，从来没有这么从容过。低下头，见娟子泪眼婆娑，一脸幽怨，看得我心刺痛。她轻轻的伏在我的肩上，旋转着，抽泣着：爲什么第一个闯入我心扉的会是你啊！我的初恋！！我停下来，双手捧起娟子的脸，心脏在一阵阵的悸动！这就是深爱着我的娟子！我何德何能竟得到如此清纯女孩的初恋啊！
这是一幅怎样的图画啊！昏暗的灯光下，娟子美艳如花，往胸前看去，娟子深深的乳沟就象爱的海洋把我的思绪全淹没了去。情不自禁的吻上去，这一主动的示爱，便惹得娟子如痴如狂的拼命的用她那性感的双唇在我的脸上全方位的吸吮、啃咬，紧紧的搂着娟子丰满妖艳、柔弱无骨的身子，高涨的情欲早已把我们烧得炙手可热，娟子早已没有了理智，似泼妇一般疯狂的撕脱我的衣服，三二下就把我的外套脱得干净，她自己也同时脱下自己的连衣短裙，里面竟然没有穿乳罩！那高涨的乳房、滚荡的肉体、翘起的臀部、丰满的大腿、好看的脐窝和那流线性感的小腹真是极品的完美！理智在阻止我的主动，我摁住娟子的双肩，对着娟子耳边喊，不行的，我不配接受你的爱！我没有资格拥有你的！你醒醒！！但娟子却早已疯狂，近乎歇斯底里的说，亲爱的我要给你！把我的全部给我的初恋！
Then she ripped open her sexy panties, and then tore mine off. The scene before me made my blood rush to my head! Thick, curly pubic hair lay sparsely on her mons pubis, forming a beautiful black triangle where her two full, firm thighs met! My lower body was already erect, swollen and purple! The throbbing of my veins made my penis throb like a dragonfly skimming the water. Juanzi hugged me, slowly leaning back, her knees bent on the carpet, her upper body arched back, her vulva thrusting forward. Her body was incredibly supple; she held me, pressing me against her voluptuous flesh. This was an extremely stimulating position. The instant my chest touched Juanzi's full breasts, my long-dormant lower body erupted in a torrent of pleasure!!
A torrent of life-giving fluids smeared over Juanzi and my entire body. Juanzi, as if in heat, once again emitted that incredibly sexy and alluring "fox scent" from her armpits (it's said that Yang Guifei had a faint fox scent, undetectable under normal circumstances, but emitted when aroused, extremely erotic and sensual). I tightly embraced Juanzi, trying desperately to stop her madness, but it was all in vain! Juanzi had completely lost her senses; her already lubricated body was as if coated with love juice, and our two naked bodies were already intertwined! We rolled on the carpet, and my life-giving root, after only a minute or two, was once again erect, hard as iron!
As Juanzi continued to moan, a faint "fox scent" emanated from her armpits. This faint "fox scent," carrying female hormones, greatly aroused my desire. Gradually, I lost my reason. Faced with such an alluring and perfect female body, if I could still control myself, I would have to transcend the human realm! I was almost frantic, lying on Juanzi's voluptuous, sexy, and burning body. Her deep breasts were flushed, her hair flowing freely, her head thrown back in ecstasy, her breasts proudly erect. Her virgin abdomen and full mons pubis formed a sensual silhouette. Juanzi's opening was already soaked with moisture, her curly pubic hair glistening. I squeezed and kneaded Juanzi's elastic breasts with my chest, my lower body and Juanzi's lower body thirstily seeking each other. With the twisting of Juanzi's thighs, my penis plunged into Juanzi's lips, the wet root slowly sliding in with those opening and closing lips. Suddenly, it seemed to be blocked by a powerful membrane outside the opening. This blockage excited my hard, throbbing penis even more. With a thrust of my hips, the two of us merged together, the union of spirit and flesh taking us to paradise... The music continued to play, and we... Old was still going wild. Juanzi, like a sow in heat, rolled and struggled, sometimes on top, sometimes on the bottom, sometimes rolling to the side. In every position, she used her hips to their fullest potential, twisting her waist like a water snake, responding to my thrusts, grinding her genitals together. My lower body felt an unprecedented tightness with Juanzi's frenzy, feeling the powerful suction of her trembling, throbbing vulva. Her virgin nipples were in my mouth, and her breasts, like balloons, pressed against my face. The rising lust suffocated me. My head felt tighter and tighter, my brain more and more dizzy, and my lower body swelled more and more. Just as Juanzi was moaning loudly, "Ah... I want to give it to you... give it to you... I'm going to die... ah...", my thick semen gushed out, all of it shooting into Juanzi's life hole...!
I don't know how long it lasted, but we lay side by side, gazing at each other, our warm breaths mingling. The alluring beauty of Juanzi radiated a captivating virginity, and my life force surged anew. Once again, we were one, our bodies and souls intertwined… We made love countless times; my life force had long since dried up, yet each ejaculation brought me to an even higher peak of desire… Juanzi's white dress was stained with the red of her virginity… We didn't speak. After getting dressed, we helped each other back to Juanzi's room. We lay in each other's arms, Juanzi's face buried in my chest, and she drifted off to sleep sweetly… Juanzi told me she had no regrets. She knew I had a family, but she said I was her only, first man she loved. I had opened her heart, which had always been closed. She said her heart was still a virgin's heart, and she had always had a wish: to give her first time to the first man who had opened her heart! Only then could body and soul be united!
From then on, we embraced each other every day, ate and slept together, made love passionately, and kissed wildly. Everyone in the company knew that we were living together. Many people thought I would stay again, but after 20 days, Juanzi took my luggage and saw me off at the station... Juanzi was smart; she kept my heart with her... --Postscript: --
The article should have ended, but the story didn't.
After I left Company A, I moved to another city in the south, 500 kilometers away. In the six months before my wife was transferred there, Juanzi would take four days off every month to meet me. She never brought up the topic of marriage. We made love passionately together, and each time I was aroused to unprecedented heights by her faint "fox scent." In the four days we spent together, we almost completed a month's worth of sex for an average person.
We made love five or six times a day, each time for nearly an hour, until we were completely exhausted! We didn't have much romance; we just did it and slept, then did it again. We rarely talked about our relationship. Juanzi said that there was no future for her and me, but she had no regrets. She was naturally closed off, insecure, and introverted. I was the one who opened her heart. She had thought that if anyone could move her heart and be the first to enter it, she would give him her virginity, no matter who it was!
The last time, when she learned that I was moving to her house in a week, she stood at the station with tears in her eyes and said to me, "I won't come again. Take care of yourself. I will keep my love for you deep in my heart. I will find a man to marry soon and live a simple family life. I hope that my love for you will slowly shift towards my husband over time." Then, she placed a letter in my palm and left resolutely.
This is a letter I wrote to my wife, in which I read:
Ms. Q:
This letter is addressed to you, but I'm only showing it to your husband. I know you'll never see it, but my purpose has been achieved.
Your husband is an exceptional man, possessing qualities that will ensure his success in the future! He is broad-minded, witty, upright, kind, dedicated, and ambitious. He is gentle, understanding, considerate, and exceptionally talented. However, he is also selfish; he only loves himself. He doesn't understand that his wife works tirelessly at home while he indulges in extramarital affairs! In your presence, he appears to be a perfect gentleman, but behind your back, he laughs and jokes with his lover! But I love him, unconditionally! I wouldn't have broken you up. If he didn't love you that much, I wouldn't have given him up! I would have fought you for him until I got him! But I lost, lost to a woman more than ten years older than me! Your husband has never said "I love you!" to me. He is truly selfish, so selfish that he won't even give me those three words! I used my virginity, but it still didn't make him say it!
It was his deep affection for you that moved me to give him my virginity!
But I have no regrets!
The dream is over! Goodbye, third party.
——Postscript——.
Juanzi and I kept in touch by phone, and we would send each other birthday wishes every year. A month after our breakup, she swiftly married a factory manager, while she continued working at Company A. The following year, she gave birth to a boy. She called me once and said that her son might be the fruit of our love, but even if it were true, she wouldn't let him acknowledge me.
Three months ago, I drove to Company A to revisit the place. The company was still the same as before, eleven years later.
Most of the company's long-time employees are still here.
Juanzi wasn't there that day.
This is a story of emotions that has been buried deep in my heart for a long time. It is my true experience, and now I am writing it down. The writing is not good, but it is true.
[End of article]

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