This is not the fate I wanted (745)

Word count: 3043
After hanging up the phone, Kana's face broke into a peculiar smile. She murmured to herself, "Hehe~ Who knows what kind of special things might happen between brother and sister tonight~ Kana is really looking forward to it~" Lying in the bathtub, Kana looked up at the bathroom ceiling and exhaled forcefully, as if trying to release all the fatigue of the day. She truly loved taking baths; aside from a few specific things, it was undoubtedly the easiest way to relax and completely eliminate any lingering fatigue. The warm water enveloping her body, its gentle heat slowly stimulating her skin, made her involuntarily let out a soft, contented sound. The sound was very similar to, yet completely different from, the sounds he made during sex with a woman. The similarity was merely a matter of subtle vocal shifts. During sex, the moans he made carried a strong sense of shame and unease, making him feel embarrassed. But the sounds he made now were undoubtedly the most satisfied and pleasurable sounds from the bottom of his heart, a sigh of contentment as he felt the fatigue gradually subside. After quietly savoring this comfortable feeling, he slowly reopened his eyes, extending his right hand upwards. His pale palm opened slowly, as if trying to shield his head from the falling light. He silently looked at the back of his hand, muttering to himself, "Is everything I'm doing right now...? Do I still have a choice...? What should I do...?" He was utterly confused, not only about his future but also about the affairs of others. Just like the wish that Shirane and Shirane expressed to him today—that he could stay by their side forever, that is, be with them forever—Ketsunogawa felt not only shyness, but also confusion and hesitation. If he were to speak his true feelings, he truly loved Shirane and Shirane, loved their lively and cheerful personalities, loved their smiling faces, loved their uninhibited expression of their feelings in front of him, and wanted to be with them forever. However, although his feelings were exactly the same as Shirane and Shirane's, what made him hesitate was undoubtedly Maki. Just like his feelings for Shirane and Shirane, he also loved Maki. Over a decade of childhood friendship, the tangled web of emotions they had built, their shared understanding of each other's personalities, hobbies, and weaknesses, the joy of being able to talk freely and joyfully—whether it was her carefree personality or her sometimes impulsive and unconventional behavior, these were all characteristics he loved in Maki. He truly, genuinely loved Maki and wanted to be with her as well. It was precisely for this reason that he hesitated regarding Bai Yin and Bai Ling's words, ultimately failing to provide a direct answer. After all, the country's marriage system didn't allow him to make multiple choices, or rather, even just being with Bai Yin and Bai Ling meant their feelings had already transcended the bounds of social law. Even though Bai Yin and Bai Ling's neighbors had accepted it, and most of the students at school were used to it, if he were to marry both of them simultaneously, it would undoubtedly cause a stir in the area. Bai Yin and Bai Ling would then face considerable controversy, and what choice would he make? Bai Yin and Bai Ling perhaps understood this as well, which is why, even though he hadn't answered, they hadn't pressed him for a definitive answer. Therefore, he was currently very confused, deeply uncertain about his current relationships. The future seemed shrouded in mist, hazy and unattainable. At this moment, he also had a strange hope that his future self, or other acquaintances, or his children could travel back in time to the present and tell him what the future held. Perhaps knowing his future self would prevent him from feeling so lost, confused, and hesitant now. He shook his head with a bitter smile, banishing this somewhat bizarre and childish thought from his mind. He was actually hoping and praying for such an unbelievable thing to happen. Perhaps, as others had told him, his personality was becoming increasingly indecisive and pathetic. What choice should he make? What choices should he have? Perhaps he was completely unaware. In some ways, Ayumi's assessment of him was indeed correct; he was truly a scumbag. He was dating several girls simultaneously and engaging in ambiguous relationships with other girls, betraying those he loved and who loved him time and time again. Even though he was forced into it, even though he was powerless to resist, the betrayals he committed were real, they truly happened. He couldn't find any reasons or excuses to escape or cover them up. He had always said he couldn't hurt girls, couldn't let girls get hurt, even though this was a result of Alice's distorted memories of the past. It was still a principle he had always upheld and a choice he had made. Yet, his actions repeatedly hurt them, hurting their minds and bodies, especially by completely concealing these things from them, even though they had already told him their secrets. He… he was just a hypocrite… their so-called gentleness was just a facade of his incompetence and cowardice. At this moment, he couldn't help but recall Kana's words: if you can't choose, then just build a harem and accept them all at once. Even now, thinking of this, Ketsunokawa couldn't help but shake his head with a bitter smile. Such words sounded simple, but in reality, they were undoubtedly impossible. The mere fact that Shirayumi and Shirayumi were twins, and their relationship, was enough to cause controversy; adding others would make it even less likely to be accepted by society. Even if, as Kaori said, other countries have policies supporting polygamy, for Shirane, Shirarei, and Maki, even if they can avoid major conflicts now, they might still reject this method in the future. They would never choose such a way of life. Moreover, such a choice would be a desecration of their relationship. However, when he thought of Kana, an even more helpless look appeared in his eyes. After all, the person he felt most sorry for was Kana, his own blood-related younger sister. He and she were destined never to officially announce or proclaim their feelings. Kana had made so many sacrifices for him, encouraging him to find other girls and marry other girls, yet she could never stand by his side as his true lover. Furthermore, for Yukino, although he accepted Kana's confession, he was in a state of great surprise and emotional turmoil at the time. Even after confessing his feelings for Kana, he may have mixed up familial and romantic love, coupled with his inherent male nature and cowardice, which led him to accept her feelings so readily. Perhaps he and his sister at that time were remarkably similar, both misunderstanding emotions. The only difference is that he now genuinely loves his sister, while his sister still misunderstands these feelings, distorting the natural sibling bond. This is why he feels fear towards his sister, afraid to be alone with her, afraid to spend time with her. What should have been a normal sibling relationship has degenerated into this subconscious distancing from his sister, undoubtedly revealing a hint of sadness in Yukino's eyes. Shaking her head to temporarily clear her mind of the jumbled thoughts, Ketsuno Kawa slowly stood up from the bathtub, preparing to wash herself thoroughly. However, just then, the bathroom door, which had been tightly closed, suddenly opened, catching her off guard. Ketsuno Kawa froze, instinctively looking towards the door. Seeing the figure standing there, she opened her mouth, stammering, "Sister..." The person standing in the bathroom doorway was Ketsuno Kawa's older sister, Ketsuno Toyohide. She had already changed out of her clothes, and was now wrapped in a white bath towel, concealing her beautiful, soft body. The skin exposed outside the towel, under the light, shone with a fair glow, exuding an alluring aura.
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This is not the fate I wanted (745)

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