First Body Exploration

I was born in a place called Red Powder Town. Judging from the name, you might imagine a place where flowers bloom in spring, people are polite and harmonious. But if you've actually been to Red Powder Town, you'll see a stinking river. For years, middle-aged women have been dumping sewage into it, leaving a greasy layer of garbage on the surface. This river is actually called Powder River. The women's daily routine consists of gathering together to make sunflower seed shells. You won't find anyone in the world who eats more sunflower seeds than the women of Red Powder Town, nor will you find any women who gossip more. It seems like passing by them will get you splattered with foul language from head to toe. The men are even more idle. Every day after work at the factory, they gather to play cards and drink, causing them to go bald at a young age. If you see several bald men every few steps, then welcome—this is Red Powder Town. When I was seventeen, I had a best friend named Zeng Xiaochun. Her name was truly fitting, because she was like a cicada in summer, constantly chattering away. Later, she fully utilized her talkativeness and became a tour guide. My path down that road of no return was largely due to Zeng Xiaochun. That summer, I used my weekly allowance of fifty yuan to treat Zeng Xiaochun to hamburgers at the most upscale restaurant in town, called "McDonald's." Now, it's obviously a knock-off of KFC and McDonald's, but back then, a girl who could afford to eat at McDonald's was someone to brag about all the time at school. Zeng Xiaochun slurped up her knock-off hamburger while saying to me, "Xiaoxian, I was looking through a book at my dad's yesterday. It said the size of a man's penis is directly proportional to the size of his nose. Do you think any boy in our school has the biggest one?" Zeng Xiaochun, with her feet on a high stool at McDonald's, swaying her head so much it was embarrassing. She loved to talk about things inappropriate for her age. It was said that her sex knowledge came from her father's small DVD rental shop. Back then, there was no internet, and the town's foreplay relied on the row of pornographic DVDs hidden at the bottom of the shelf in her father's shop. People who knew the place would ask as soon as they entered: "Old Zeng, any new movies?" or "Old Zeng, you've seen all these, time to get some." The bald old Zeng would flash a knowing smile from behind his thick glasses and say to another young bald man, "What's wrong? Your wife's not satisfied? Don't blame my DVDs if you're not good enough!" Old Zeng was a man with no professional ethics. Adults and children could rent his DVDs for a dollar. His shop was right across from the school, and the boys at our school all respectfully called him: Boss Zeng. The result of Lao Zeng's actions was that whenever the boys saw Zeng Xiaochun passing by, they would make lewd noises and perform actions they had seen on DVDs. At this point, I, walking next to Zeng Xiaochun, wanted nothing more than to run away immediately. But Zeng Xiaochun didn't seem to care. Every time this happened, she would puff out her chest, which was more developed than girls her age, put her hands on her small waist, and scan the crotches of the wild boys at a 45-degree angle: "You guys who only dare to masturbate under the covers, have the guts to show me your dicks, have you grown any hairs before you come out and act wild?" Most of the boys would shush sheepishly at this. Occasionally, two of the bolder ones would actually pretend to take off their pants, but Zeng Xiaochun wasn't easily intimidated. She would take a step forward and pinch the boys' crotches, cursing them for being ungrateful, "I'll make sure you never have a son in your life!" It is said that she almost crushed one boy's testicles once. From then on, the boys would avoid her, only daring to fantasize about her while masturbating, shouting, "I'll fuck you to death, you crazy woman!" The girls' sexual experiences also came from Old Zeng's shop. Every day after school at Hongfen Middle School, a bizarre scene would unfold. As soon as the school bell rang, a group of girls in khaki school uniforms would gather on the small playground behind the school. They would look around furtively, as if about to engage in an illegal transaction. Once everyone had left, the girls would pull out—one after another—pornographic novels rented from Old Zeng's shop from their bags. Old Zeng, not forgetting the cultured, after making huge profits from renting pornographic DVDs, incidentally opened up a niche for renting erotic novels. At that time, Old Zeng was truly at the top of Hongfen Town's sex industry. These girls were experienced; renting a book cost 50 cents a day, and if they finished it within half a day, they could exchange it with other girls for 25 cents a day for a erotic novel with a single chapter containing explicit descriptions. What a cheap sex education teacher! You couldn't find Zeng Xiaochun or me in that group. Occasionally, Zeng Xiaochun would spot us and mock us with words like "poor" and "stingy." I, on the other hand, didn't need to spend any money—that's the advantage of having the daughter of a rental bookstore owner as a friend. I got a lot of free erotic novels from Zeng Xiaochun. Back then, erotic novels were relatively innocent, mostly about love stories between the male and female protagonists. The only things they mentioned were things like "the curtains were drawn," "a room full of spring," and "skin as white as snow." The most outrageous thing was "he thrust into her body, her softness enveloped his hardness," and then it was all just incoherent groans. But clearly, these subtle descriptions were read countless times by many girls. The parts of the book containing these descriptions were all worn black from repeated readings, some even folded up for easy access. Heaven knows, back then I didn't even know what it was—maybe it was the female urinary tract. I'd never seen a real male genital organ before, only once or twice on the TV at Zeng Xiaochun's house, seeing that ugly, dark thing when Lao Zeng wasn't home. Just thinking about having something like that inserted in the urinary tract must be incredibly uncomfortable—it's like having a catheter! I'd seen catheters before; I secretly watched my mother have kidney stone surgery. The next day, my mother insisted the nurse remove it, saying it was unbearable. I discussed it with Zeng Xiaochun, and she laughed at me, "Little Fairy, are you really innocent or just pretending? That thing, it feels good!" She acted like she'd seen it all, but according to her, she'd already been with three boys. "They...no good! They're all strength, no skill, it hurt like hell!" I listened humbly like a schoolchild, curious yet a little scared. Zeng Xiaochun asked, "You haven't done 'that' before?" I asked, "Which one?" She said, "You know, that one," and made a gesture of touching herself. I said, "Yes, I often touch my breasts when I shower, supposedly it can enlarge them." She scolded me, "Who told you that?!" Zeng Xiaochun said she'd teach me, but as for how, she said she'd come to my house another day when no one was home. For the next few days, I anxiously awaited what it would be like. I tried touching my breasts and genitals while showering. Every part of my body I touched in the water went off like a warning bell. I didn't know what would happen, or how to continue. Oh well, I'd just wait for Zeng Xiaochun to teach me; that's safer. My dad once explicitly forbade me from associating with Zeng Xiaochun because her family had a bad reputation. Zeng's mother was quite a figure in Hongfen Town. When she was eighteen, she started living with the then-old Zeng, who is now known as Lao Zeng. In the 1980s, living together was a huge deal. Zeng's mother was bold and outspoken; it was said that she had slept with at least a truckload of men before meeting Lao Zeng. She had basically slept with every man in Hongfen Town who looked good to her. I once overheard the older women gossiping that when Zeng's mother was young, she lived with Lao Zeng, and her moaning during sex could be heard every night. Throughout the town, half of her words were tinged with jealousy, I could hear it. Later, Zeng Niang met Lao Zeng, who was still a government employee at the time. Lao Zeng was a minor officer in the armed forces, handsome and capable, and Zeng Niang fell for him. They soon became lovers, and Zeng Niang realized she had found true love. All her previous passions vanished. Zeng Niang was a decisive woman; to keep this good catch, she soon packed her bags and moved into Lao Zeng's small, shabby dormitory to live with him. I guess that's when the sounds of their lovemaking began to spread throughout the entire town. That's the power of true love. After Zeng Niang became pregnant with Xiao Chan, she married Lao Zeng. Back then, premarital pregnancy was fashionable, especially in such a small town. Zeng Niang's bad reputation worsened. Later, Lao Zeng accidentally shot someone during an argument with Zeng Niang and spent several years in prison. That's how their family earned their bad reputation. The women in town often said that Zeng Xiaochun, like her mother, was quite the flirt at such a young age, and probably wouldn't be easy to deal with in the future! Zeng's mother was indeed a strange person. She often discussed things like the length of a man's penis with Zeng Xiaochun, whether long or short was better. Zeng's mother always said that Zeng was the best. In the eyes of normal people, their family was indeed not a very clean one; the daughter didn't act like a daughter, and the parents didn't act like parents. But Zeng Xiaochun seemed to live a very happy life every day, unlike me, who had a very conservative family. No matter how much my father objected, I still laughed and joked with Zeng Xiaochun every day, and we were as close as brothers. Every day I hoped that something would happen that would allow my parents to go away for a few days so that Zeng Xiaochun could come to my house and give me a "lesson."Perhaps my desire was too strong, because sure enough, not two days later, I received a call from my hometown saying that my grandmother was sick and they needed to go back for a few days. My dad, before leaving, said with great concern, "Go to Grandma's house after school to write and eat, and stay there at night too. Don't mess around with Zeng Xiaochun!" I mumbled "okay" in agreement, thinking to myself, "The emperor is far away, who can tell me what to do then?" The appointed day arrived. My first sexual experience was actually with a girl. I can still clearly remember that day. It was a summer evening. Zeng Xiaochun came to my house through the dense cicada chirping outside the window. I remember she was wearing a white floral cotton dress. It was so hot that young sweat clung to her skin, and a single, crooked bead of sweat slowly trickled down her chest from the cleavage. She held up a doll-shaped ice cream and said, "Here, cool off for a bit." We slurped our ice cream. I ate slowly, my heart pounding. I wanted to finish quickly and move on to the next step, but I was also afraid of what might happen in that class I didn't know how it would go. As it turned out, I was an idiot. Zeng Xiaochun finished her ice cream, ran to the bathroom to wash her hands, and said, "Okay, let's begin." She looked me up and down and said, "You go first, or should I?" I thought for a moment, then said, "You go first, I'll wait." Zeng Xiaochun chuckled, "You're so innocent. Okay, I'll go first." She started pulling her slightly faded floral dress over her head, revealing a pair of white breasts encased in a small tank top. Zeng Xiaochun looked at me and complained, "I told my mom I wanted one of those supportive bras, but she wouldn't buy me one. Look, aren't my breasts sag?" Absolutely not, I thought. Her breasts were full and beautiful. Now that I think about it, her skin was as smooth as porcelain, and her breasts were perfectly shaped like two hemispheres. Seventeen-year-old Zeng Xiaochun's body was the kind that could drive men crazy. Not just men, even I felt a strange sensation welling up from somewhere between my legs when I saw her breasts. She stripped naked and lay down on my bed, which was covered with a straw mat. She kicked me with her beautiful long legs. "Hey, hurry up and take your clothes off!" I started to take off my clothes timidly. Compared to Zeng Xiaochun, I looked thin and weak, and my breasts weren't as big or beautiful as hers. Zeng Xiaochun said, "Your figure is just right. Mine isn't good enough. It's too big. Men prefer women they can hold in one hand." Heaven knows where she learned such eloquent words. After I finished taking off my clothes, I squeezed next to her. The bed was too small, so I could only awkwardly press my skin against Zeng Xiaochun's. Sweat mingled with sweat, and I suddenly blushed. Zeng Xiaochun touched my chest with her slender fingers, saying, "Come on, like this." She teasingly stroked my pink nipples, and I felt a shiver run through me. A warm current surged between my legs. Zeng Xiaochun's hands roamed over my skin; her palms were burning hot. For some reason, wherever her hands touched, my skin felt like it was on fire, burning intensely. This unfamiliar sensation actually frightened me a little. I sat up abruptly, staring blankly at Xiaochun. For some reason, I suddenly wanted to kiss her. To kiss her pink lips, to kiss her smooth, white neck. Yes, just one kiss would be enough. As if possessed, I leaned closer to her. Her eyes were half-closed, her hands busily working on her body. I watched her hands move downwards, downwards, and my lips involuntarily drew closer and closer to hers, until a strange, incredibly soft touch sent shivers down my spine. I saw Xiao Chan open her eyes, staring blankly at me. Suddenly, a flurry of thoughts flashed through my mind. Stop!! What am I doing? I almost wanted to run away in shame, but Xiao Chan reached out and hooked her arm around my neck, pulling me straight towards her… Later, I recalled this scene countless times. I remembered her soft arms wrapped around my neck, her lips pressed against mine, even the taste of her doll-shaped ice cream mixed with a youthful fragrance swirling wildly in my mouth. My senses came alive; her taste, her breath, her touch, her panting—everything was amplified and filled my senses. She withdrew her hand and took mine, guiding me into that completely unfamiliar territory… To this day, I can't recall how we reached that peak. I only remember my heart pounding in rhythm with Xiao Chan's fingertips. Every change in the pressure of my fingers, every touch of our bodies, every soft breath and guiding sound in her ear, made the torrents within me rush even faster towards my center. Finally, Xiao Chan suddenly bit my neck like a puppy. In an instant, I felt those converging torrents transform into a hot stream, gushing straight from between my legs. My hands, intertwined with Xiao Chan's, were both wet. Xiao Chan stared blankly at the liquid in her palms, then suddenly burst out laughing. "Zhang Xiaolian, so you're the kind of beauty described in books!" Me? My face flushed, completely unable to look her in the eye. I felt her unspoken message was, "Zhang Xiaoxian, you're the kind of slut described in books!" Out of friendship, she probably replaced "slut" with "alluring woman," right? This thought filled me with both shame and secret anger. What I just witnessed left my mind blank for countless seconds, completely incapacitated. What was I doing, exploring my own body with my best friend? And I actually reached my first orgasm under her touch! Oh, thinking about all this, I almost wanted to smother myself with a pillow. If it weren't for what happened with Rao Yong later, I would almost think I was gay. Those things I did with Zeng Xiaochun were like a dark yet sweet curse, deeply attracting me. If Xiaochun gave me youthful impulsiveness, then Rao Yong gave me womanly pleasure. Rao Yong was the most handsome teacher in our grade, a married man. Xiao Chan said Rao Yong had the sexiest buttocks in the world. It wasn't called a buttocks, it was called a hip, and only a coy woman like Zeng Xiao Chan could say that. But Rao Yong's buttocks were indeed beautiful. Unlike the fat, flat buttocks of other bald men, his were firm yet not thin. It's hard to find adjectives to describe a man's buttocks, but as a buttock on a man's body, it was very dutiful. Not only was Rao Yong's buttocks beautiful, but his face was just as handsome. He was one of the few men in Hongfen Town who wasn't bald, probably because he didn't drink often. After class, he would often be in his office studying a book. I secretly peeked at the book he was reading twice; it was something about culture, I can't remember. Rao Yong was our Chinese teacher. He had just transferred to this school and became our homeroom teacher. It was said to be his first time being a homeroom teacher. The young male homeroom teacher became famous in his first week. Besides being handsome, speaking good Mandarin, and often being harassed by infatuated female students, he was most famous for—having a bizarre wife. Rao Yong's wife was named Qin Xiangxiang, so we secretly called her Qin Xianglian. She wasn't as unfortunate as Qin Xianglian. Many classmates and teachers saw the handsome Mr. Rao secretly washing a basin of women's underwear in the washroom during his period, when no one was around. It was said that the underwear would turn red after soaking in the water. Rao Yong's slender, pianist-like hands would be immersed in the water, scrubbing his wife's menstrual panties. Girls who fawned over him would often find a bag of snacks on his desk—sometimes sesame candy, sometimes roasted chestnuts, sometimes fruit. Everyone knew Qin Xiangxiang was a chatterbox and loved snacks. Rao Yong took meticulous care of Qin Xiangxiang. Everyone said Qin Xiangxiang was the best at flirting with Rao Yong, even giving him a big, bloody kiss on the face in front of many classmates. Qin Xiangxiang's pouting lips looked just like the sausages Old Man Li made at the farmers' market, one on top and one on the bottom. Zeng Xiaochun said, "You don't know anything! That's called sexy!" "All the foreign women in the magazines are like that," I said. "Qin Xiangxiang must be good with her mouth." "Definitely," Zeng Xiaochun called me an idiot. Qin Xiangxiang's greatest skill wasn't just leaving a big lipstick mark on Rao Yong's face; when she was unhappy, she'd slap him across the face too. Once, we'd just gotten out of school, and Rao Yong was assigning us homework, saying that everyone should write a reflection on "The Sorrows of Young Werther" the next day, to be collected before morning self-study. But before "The Sorrows of Young Werther" even arrived, Teacher Rao's troubles began. A commotion erupted outside. Curious students peered out the window and saw Qin Xiangxiang, disheveled and aggressively charging towards the classroom. Our math teacher saw her at the door and tried to stop her from entering. The bald-headed math teacher, Old Yang, pulled her back, shouting, "Don't do this! It's not good if the students see! Xiao Rao is teaching! You two can talk about it after school!" Qin Xiangxiang tore at Old Yang's teacher's uniform, breaking through his defenses while yelling, "I'm going in today! I'll show his students what kind of person he is! How pathetic I am! Married for four or five years, and I can't even conceive!"Old Yang was so anxious he wanted to cover her mouth. The commotion was so loud that soon Ms. Wang, the chemistry teacher, arrived. Upon seeing the scene, she almost fainted. Ms. Wang, being a female teacher, rushed over and hugged Qin Xiangxiang, saying, "My dear sister, please stop making trouble! It's so embarrassing!" Unexpectedly, Qin Xiangxiang pushed Ms. Wang sideways, sending her sprawling. Luckily, Qin Xiangxiang hadn't practiced, otherwise Ms. Wang would probably have broken a bone. Ms. Wang sat on the ground groaning and rubbing her bottom, her eyes blazing with anger. She probably wanted to dissolve Qin Xiangxiang, this troublemaker, with a pot of nitrochloric acid. Seeing this, Old Yang immediately retreated to the side. Qin Xiangxiang, seeing her defense gone, rushed to the podium and slapped Rao Yong twice across the face. The usually refined and polite Mr. Rao suddenly transformed into a shrew. The entire class was stunned by Qin Xiangxiang's shrewish demeanor. In all his years, he had never seen such a commanding woman. If she were in ancient times, Qin Xiangxiang would probably be a superhuman version of Qin Xianglian, capable of sending Chen Shimei sprawling on his horse and delivering a brutal slap to his face. Qin Xiangxiang, like Mulan on horseback, tried to strike a contemptuous pose at a 45-degree angle downwards at Rao Yong. Unfortunately, she misjudged her own height compared to Rao Yong's, resulting in her looking up at him like a hen that had just laid an egg. Our Mr. Rao was stunned, unsure how to react for a long time. He truly couldn't react at that moment; any reaction seemed wrong. Later, I read a novel by Eileen Chang that aptly described this expression: like a young street performer happily slapped in the face, the joyful expression frozen on his face, unable to fade—in short, incredibly awkward. That's roughly the idea. Rao Yong paused for a few seconds, then turned to the floor above the podium and said to us, "School's out." The students quietly filed out of Qin Xiangxiang's room, afraid that if they were even a little slow and made a sound, this shrew would beat them to the ground. Even after we'd walked quite a distance, we could still hear Qin Xiangxiang's cries: "You good-for-nothing! I shouldn't have married you, you barren hen!" It's said that the incident started because Qin Xiangxiang had gone back to her parents' home and was mocked by her sister for being a barren hen. Enraged, she stormed into the classroom to cause trouble for Rao Yong. It's also said that when she married Rao Yong, he only had one egg.

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