Terminal Illness and a Way Out

Watching Shi Fang wander aimlessly around my house, imagining the
internal , I opened a bottle of red wine and clinked glasses with him.

Shi Fang relaxed a bit, leaning back on the sofa, opening his mouth several times as if to speak, but then seeming unsure what to say. Breaking
the awkward silence was a sudden, unspoken, knowing smile between the two men: it was consensual
, who cares what anyone says?

I led him back to the bedroom and had Shi Fang open Ning Ning's wardrobe. He casually rummaged through it, then took out
a pair of Ning Ning's panties, greedily sniffing them for a long time, his somewhat cloudy eyes glancing at me sideways, constantly
shifting.

"Does it smell good?" I asked very softly, my heart pounding. What was the difference between this and sniffing
Ning Ning 's genitals? Would Ning Ning, as delicate as a flower, one day expose her
exquisite private parts to him like this, letting him sniff and touch them like a dog?

Shi Fang took a deep breath before reluctantly putting the phone back in its place. "My wife has had heart disease for years. When I
said I was having sex five times a week, it was actually three or four years ago. Sigh, now I really can't touch a woman's body;
I'll just lose control."

"Go for it, go with the flow. If you don't, you'll be controlled," I said meaningfully.

Just then, Shi Fang's phone rang. He glanced at it and smiled at me. "It's my daughter, Xue Ning."

"Answer it."

After answering the phone, Shi Fang's expression changed drastically after hearing only one sentence. "What happened to your mother? What? She
had ?"

"..."

"Okay, okay, I'll be home right away... I'll go to the hospital right away... Which hospital?... Okay!"

"What happened?" I asked hurriedly, looking at the stunned Shi Fang.

Shi Fang stared at me blankly for a moment, then said, "My wife might not make it. She's already had a heart attack once, and this
time … I have to go right away!"

After Shi Fang hurriedly left, I suddenly felt that the warm, feminine
atmosphere seemed to have been mixed with some strange smell, creating a sense of estrangement from this family.

Whoever it was, this third party destined to intrude into our lives would completely change our peaceful and happy
married life. But as her husband, I couldn't accept a man stronger than me sharing Shu Ning with me. That
wouldn't be sharing, it would be plunder.

On Shu Ning's dressing table was a small, dark green bag, which she
had brought back from her date with that real estate tycoon Zhang Yan the night before last. This bag must be quite valuable. That evening, Shu Ning
proudly , "He just likes me in black clothes. He even asked where I bought this outfit, saying it must
be a designer brand. He didn't recognize it as a Japanese brand, so I told him it was only worth 800 yuan."

"This guy looks like a gentleman. Do you like this type of middle-aged man?"

Shu Ning smiled in a way I couldn't quite decipher. "Gentleman? More like a pervert!"

Shu Ning swayed gracefully to my side, lifted a long, slender leg encased in flesh-colored stockings, and placed it on the sofa with
a smile . Her little foot gently poked my butt. "He...he touched my leg..."

After a slight wave of nausea, a mixture of affection and self-destructive emotion made me restrain my excitement. I gently
stroked Ning Ning's calf and toes. "If you really like it...you can ask him to take off these stockings..."

"After you take off your stockings, what's underneath are my panties..." Shu Ning seemed quite excited, pressing
my head against her ample breasts: "Once you take this step, there's no going back. I will no longer be your pure
wife... Thinking about my past, I feel so sorry for you."

I didn't realize there was a deeper meaning in her words. Holding Ning Ning, who was gazing at me affectionately, I threw her onto the bed. While I
was undressing completely, Ning Ning only took off her panties and unzipped her skirt.

"Hmm?"

"You're just going to do this to me...don't you men like this kind of thing?"

"But this dress...it's so expensive, 150,000 yen!"

"He likes me wearing this dress, so maybe in the end, I'll be wearing this dress...and losing my virginity to him!
And then your nice clothes will be stained again...hehe...sorry!" "

What apology now? Why are you so frequently flirting with other men?

What is it that you crave but I can't provide? Lewdness?

Do we really need to carry over the lewdness we had when we were in love into our marriage?
Can calmly indulge in this extremely unusual thrill without fear that playing with fire will ultimately burn down this lovely
young family?"

Looking at the small handbag Zhang Yan gave Shu Ning, it became increasingly irritating. I turned away with disgust, drew back
the curtains , and stared at the same deep starry sky as four years ago. In my extreme depression, another
name that had once haunted my dreams surfaced in my mind.

*** *** *** ***

"People say that in a relationship, the first step is talking, the second step is dating, and the third step is loving.
When we got together, it seemed like we dated first and then talked. Isn't that a bit strange? Wouldn't it be better if we had to repeat 'Do you love me? I love you' several times a day
?" Holding Haiqin's soft, boneless white hand, we strolled along
the path behind the library. Amidst my swaying emotions, I suddenly felt a strange sense of unease.

Haiqin smiled and greeted a classmate walking towards her in a generous manner before
answering me slowly and softly, "You seem quite easygoing and generous on the surface, but deep down, are you a little
insecure ? And you're the class monitor, after all." "

Maybe," I replied. "It seems there's always been a stronger person in my life, and I've always been the follower,
until I became class monitor for the first time in college—basically, the peacemaker."

Although I was a fairly competent class monitor and basically had the approval of all my classmates,
I always had a sense of unease about being gossiped about behind my back. The main reason I became class monitor was because the
university's vice-president, Bian, had been an official in the Ministry of Education and worked with my father in his early years, but his career path hadn't been smooth.

"So, you only dare to accept my love after I take the first step, is that it? Don't worry,
I will never abandon you after starting something. I can give you a lifelong promise." Wang Haiqin held my hands tightly.
Hands placed on chest, a fleeting smile, followed by an unusually serious expression.

Four years ago, in a corner of the university campus, Wang Haiqin's deep, dark eyes, brimming with affection,
remained etched in my mind. This sentence, six months later, would become the eulogy for our tragic love.

For the sake of my unforgettable, haunting first love from my youth, I hastily ended my
relationship with Wang Haiqin, which had lasted over six months. Looking back now, it was incredibly foolish. Where is she now, adrift?
Are those tender, feminine eyes searching for her star in the night sky?

Shu Ning and I both started school at five. Among our university classmates, I was the youngest. From my sophomore year,
after I became class monitor, at the suggestion of Wang Haiqin's first love, Xu Xueming, the whole class began calling me "
Class Junior."

After my sophomore year, I don't remember when it started, but Wang Haiqin began to appear around me frequently and naturally
, without me realizing that Xu Xueming's attitude towards me had developed a deep hostility.

At a sports meet, I was calling over the senior students for drinks when I saw
Wang Haiqin , glance indifferently at me and the other students before suddenly turning her gaze back on me, as if looking at
a stranger—no, as if she had discovered a rare treasure—staring at me intently and deeply. I smiled
slightly , but my heartstrings were suddenly plucked by an unexpected longing, producing a single, evocative note, until Xu Xueming
appeared between us, ending the long, intense eye contact.

If you've ever been deeply struck by love, you'll surely have this peculiar experience: the most
delicate , intimate, and moving experiences don't necessarily occur in intimate moments or physical contact.

From the beginning of my junior year, Wang Haiqin officially broke up with Xu Xueming, while the "war" of gazes between us
lasted for half a year. Especially in public, Wang Haiqin and I would traverse all obstacles,
watching each other's every move with an increasingly natural and entangled gaze.

Neither of us took a step forward. We simply watched, like a life-or-death struggle between enemies. Wang Haiqin,
known as one of the school beauties, was admired by everyone for her fair skin, her picturesque features, her tall
and slender figure of 1.72 meters, and her legendary D-cup breasts. Only I loved looking at her large, dark, bright, and piercing
eyes.

As soon as the summer vacation of our junior year ended, I was busy leading the early-arriving students to tidy up the classroom when I suddenly
noticed that several classmates around me had stopped what they were doing and were staring at me blankly. I looked at them in bewilderment, followed
their gaze, and turned around to find Wang Haiqin standing at the classroom door, whom I hadn't seen for over a month. She
looked at me without restraint, her eyes filled with only one thing: the despair of being tormented by love and longing to the point of madness.

A female classmate laughed and gently nudged me. Only then did I stupidly take my first step.

When I told Haiqin that I had decided to break up with her and get back together with my first love, Wang Haiqin didn't speak, cry, or make a fuss for a whole
week . She just walked with her head down,
often locking herself away. When she saw me, it was like seeing a ghost; she would turn and walk away

quickly. I saw all my classmates finding jobs one after another, but Haiqin didn't make a move. Filled with immense
guilt, I used my father's connections to help her get a teaching position at the university. She didn't even transfer her academic records. The day after she received her
graduation certificate, she disappeared forever from the network of contacts among all her classmates, heading north alone. According to her ex-
boyfriend, Xu Xueming, she also went to Beijing.

Are you now in the same bewildered, chaotic, noisy, and uneasy city of desire as I am?

Just then, a new text message from Shu Ning appeared on my phone. As the message unfolded before me, my
mind went completely blank: "We were supposed to do *that* today, as agreed, hehe, but I'll let you off
this time . I'll go home after the movie. From now on, stick close to me and protect me! This
was just a rehearsal with my senior brother; I won't see him again. Lately, I've been looking for some potential lovers, and I
've found that Zhang Yan is the most attractive to me. Don't be angry, but even after we made love last night, I was still thinking about him.
I'm going out with Zhang again next week. If you leave me again, I'll definitely end up in his bed and get thoroughly
humiliated . Just thinking about it makes me feel really bad... I'll go back to you! Love you!"

Although it was just a false alarm, I was certain in my heart that Shu Ning's infatuation with Zhang Yan had
developed to a dangerous point that was threatening our marriage! I wonder if I should thank Zhang Yan for his middle-aged male charm;
otherwise, my beloved wife would definitely have lost her virginity by now, and how would we face each other after she came back?

*** *** *** ***

Embarrassment, embarrassment, humility, shrinking, baseness, insignificance—these are
the main reasons . In daily social life, they can come crashing down on us every minute, leaving us no time to dodge.
Humans, having shed their hairy bodies from apes, have developed a kind of obsessive-compulsive disorder in their journey towards civilization. Those who are naked
must be clothed, and those who are filthy must be cleaned thoroughly. No! The ugliness within is the innate
psychological gene of humanity, governing our behavior.

Back in my hometown, I spent a sleepless night. After returning home, I masturbated several times. Exhausted, I still
couldn't sleep . I lay awake counting the stars, feeling no weariness whatsoever. Shu Ning's smiling face and
Wang Haiqin's sorrowful countenance kept replaying in my mind. First love—when I retraced my steps to find the familiar scenery, I saw that the trees were still trees, the flowers
were still flowers, even the smiles had been pieced together again. But on the path from love to marriage,
a .

I didn't fall asleep until the next morning. Around noon, while I was still half-asleep in bed,
I heard my mother call out excitedly from the other room, "Shuning! Come in! Come in quickly! You look so pretty today
! Look at your face, so radiant, you look so healthy! Qingqing is still in bed!
Go wake that lazybones!" Shuning sighed and gently pushed open the door, tiptoeing into my
room.

I woke up, a very negative force within me making me not want to open my eyes to this helpless
world .

Of course she looked good! Humph!

I felt her pinch my nose, and I held my breath, still refusing to open my eyes. Why could she be so calm? While I felt like
I had done something wrong and couldn't face her!

Seeing that I ignored her, she suppressed a laugh and drew back the curtains. Whoosh! A burst of intense sunlight dispelled
all . I sat up abruptly and rushed over to embrace Ningning.

She smiled radiantly, and seeing me staring intently at her, a barely perceptible blush
spread across her delicate and elegant face. Shu Ning wore a pale yellow t-shirt and blue capri pants,
looking very energetic. What ignited my desire even more were the two alluring mounds of her breasts, their curves exceptionally
alluring, her pert buttocks and two plump, long legs, their curves exceptionally smooth and perfect. Just looking at her
was enough to drive me mad; to imagine how much love she had given him last night was to
make my heart ache even more.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Shu Ning whispered.

"What time did you get home?"

"We went home after you left! We got home around 1 a.m."

"No, I left at 10 a.m., how come you got home after 1 a.m.... You guys again!" I
was incredulous and stunned.

A mischievous expression appeared on Shu Ning's face, her innocence and lewdness occasionally bursting forth in a
captivating mix. First, she pouted, shrugged her shoulders, and nodded obediently, acting like a
little girl who had done something wrong. Then, she suddenly pushed me onto the bed, giggling as she hid in the corner, nodding vigorously: "Yes
!"

I frantically tried to catch her. Although the room wasn't big, Shu Ning was like a slippery little fish,
darting out from the corner and jumping onto my bed with a strange "Yo!"

I turned around and finally pounced on her, hugging her lithe and powerful legs.

As my hands, without hesitation, slipped inside her blouse, Shu Ning quickly covered her private parts,
pleading with a smile, "Good brother... I was wrong! Don't do anything rash, your mother is still outside!" "Tell me,
yesterday... was it alright?" My hesitant tone and vague wording were merely an instinctive act of self-
protection .

Shu Ning, shy and timid, was like a beautiful bride being asked about her blissful wedding night. She faced
me, solemnly and slowly nodding, "Yes..." Her long eyelashes fluttered, and her bright black
eyes gazed at me with infinite tenderness.

That "yes" didn't feel dirty at all; my blood boiled. This
lovely, intelligent, and charming girlfriend had repeatedly given herself to him like this: "
Didn't already vent his anger? How many times did he take you? Aren't you afraid I'll divorce you..." I lowered my voice,
furious, and threatened her fiercely.

"Okay!" Shu Ning's unusually calm voice held a hint of dazedness as she turned to look at the blinding sunlight. "
If you don't want to marry me, that's great!"

"Do you love me?" My heart sank. My awkward voice made Shu Ning turn back and scrutinize me
again .

"Do I love you?" I held Shu Ning's hand, too weak to utter another word.

"I love you," Shu Ning said, her face pale, avoiding my gaze, "and I love him too."

I found it ridiculous and almost burst out laughing: "Is there any
room in your life for two men?"

Shu Ning laughed too: "Of course not. They'd fight to the death."

"Then what can I do?"

Shu Ning smiled bitterly: "I've already lost my virginity, and you still love me so much. Of course, I'll be good to
you , but can you give me some time? I know that if I go with him, it might only lead to my death, but with
you, it's a bright future. You know, my dad's application to become the Secretary-General of the Municipal People's Congress is about to be approved. The city will
definitely give Vice Governor Sun face. Mom said that if I don't marry you, it's forcing her to die. You...
will you give me a way out?"

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