I slept with my own sister, and that's what caused her death.

Juan, my younger sister, is my twin sister. Three days after she was born, my parents gave her to Uncle Wang (pseudonym), a man from our village. Uncle Wang had been married for six years without children. Our family was struggling financially at the time; my grandmother had passed away long ago, and my grandfather was my uncle's son. My parents found it difficult to raise two children at the same time, so they decided to give my sister to Uncle Wang. At first, I had no idea that my sister and I had been in love for three years. When my mother found out about our relationship, she was forced to tell me that we were siblings. My sister and I lived only three kilometers apart, and we were classmates throughout our school years. Whether it was fate's arrangement to torment us or a debt from a past life, my sister and I had a very close relationship. We were happy together, had a great understanding, and felt a deep connection.

As we grew up, we were fortunate to have good family ties. My father was tall, and my mother was beautiful. By the time I graduated from junior high, I had grown into a fairly handsome boy, while my sister had become a universally acknowledged beauty. Back then, my younger sister was taller than me. Girls develop earlier, and she was 163cm while I was only 159cm. At that time, I was just beginning to understand things about relationships between men and women. Looking at my increasingly beautiful sister, I started to have some very strange feelings, feelings I couldn't even understand myself.

In high school, my sister and I were in the same school but different classes. At that time, some students were already dating. When my friends started discussing which girl was pretty, which guy already had a girlfriend, and some had even... well, you know... I also started to develop feelings for my sister. My sister was obviously much more mature than me; maybe girls usually mature earlier than boys! At that time, my sister was considered the school beauty, and since Uncle Wang's family was relatively well-off, many people liked her and had crushes on her. Some bolder boys even sent her love letters and flowers. At this time, I always had a strange feeling. In my eyes, the other female classmates were nothing special. But my sister was different; I cared about her a lot, and I was afraid of being taken away by someone else. Actually, at that time, I didn't even know she was my biological sister; I only knew that I was happy with her. If I had known earlier, I would never have dated my sister.

Several times I asked her, "So many boys like you, will you ever like someone else?" She would always look at me with wide eyes and say very seriously, "I don't like any of those. I like sunny, humorous, athletic boys who make me happy and feel safe." Then she would kiss me on the cheek. After evening self-study, my sister and I would go to the river to play. She would always hold my hand first; she was bolder than me, probably because girls develop earlier. After that, when we went out, she would take the initiative to kiss me. I would also boldly touch her body, but we still didn't do anything. I felt that my sister was really good to me. My sister accompanied me through three years of high school.

Finally, the college entrance exam came. For three years, my sister studied hard, and in the end, she got into a top university, while I only got into an ordinary university in my city. During the holidays, I invited my sister to my house. It was her first time at my house, and my parents knew nothing about our relationship. I told my mom she was my good classmate. That evening at dinner, my mom asked Juan where she was from. Juan said she was from a certain group in the village. Then my mom asked for her dad's name. After Juan told her dad's name, my mom froze (actually, ever since she gave the girl to Uncle Wang, my mom hadn't had any contact with them, treating her like she didn't have a daughter, and was afraid the girl wouldn't be filial to her adoptive parents if she found out). I noticed my mom's unusual expression, and then she took her bowl and went inside. Juan also seemed to have a strange feeling; we didn't enjoy the meal very much. The next day, Juan and I were reading together, chatting and laughing, playing around, having a great time. My mom seemed a little unhappy when she saw this. That evening at dinner, my mom ate alone, looking very distressed. I went over to her, confused, and asked what was wrong. Tears streamed down my mom's face. Actually, Mom's heart was filled with complex emotions. She couldn't tell us about my sister's adoption, but she had no choice. Seeing how close Juan and I were, she knew we were in love. To prevent us from suffering even more, Mom told us that my sister had been given to Uncle Wang on the third day after she was born. At that moment, it was like a bolt from the blue, the earth shook. Our whole family cried. My sister felt abandoned by Mom, that she hadn't experienced the love of her biological parents, and felt incredibly sad. Mom had no choice but to tell us about the family situation at that time. My sister forgave Mom and Dad, calling out "Dad" and "Mom" once. From that moment on, I felt that my love with my sister was impossible.

When my sister went to school, she called me to take her. On the train, she threw herself into my arms and cried. I was also heartbroken and conflicted at that time. It wasn't

until I went to university that I truly understood what freedom meant. I also "thrived" under the influence of my friends. At this point, basketball was no longer important to me; what mattered was women. Every day, boys in the dorm would rent pornographic films to watch, which accelerated everyone's "growth."

My sister and I would call each other and write a letter once a week. Talking to my sister would improve my mood. I knew I loved my sister very much, but we could never be together; we lived too far apart, and it was all just a fantasy. As I developed, I felt a strong urge for sex. I experienced that volcanic eruption of pleasure for the first time, and I couldn't help but think about having sex with girls…

After that, I kept my promise, calling her once a week and writing her a letter once a week. My sister and I talked about almost everything; I would tell her everything I did at school. My sister always listened with great interest and told me about her life at school.

Finally, winter break was approaching, and on the day my sister was going home, she called and asked me to wait for her at the train station. When I saw my sister, I realized that she had become even more beautiful, mature, and womanly in the past six months. Her figure was also fuller than in high school. Perhaps it was because the studies in college were less stressful than in high school, and she was more relaxed! My sister was so happy to see me, she rushed into my arms. I was so excited! I had an indescribable feeling.

Winter break started! I called her and invited her to come over. My parents knew she was my sister and loved her very much; in fact, all mothers love their own flesh and blood. My sister received many phone calls, and she always had a sweet smile when she answered. My heart was pounding like a drum. What was worse was that she seemed to always hide from me when she answered the phone. Later, I couldn't stand it anymore and asked her: "Why do you call so many times every day? Is it your boyfriend?" (Since finding out she was my sister, my sister and I have gradually changed.)

My sister grinned and said to me: "What's it to you? Why are you so gossipy?" I suddenly got angry and snapped at my sister: "So what if you have a boyfriend? Why do you hide from me when you answer the phone?" My sister was startled and after a while said: "Why are you angry! We're all my roommates, what boyfriend? It's so strange." Of course, girls don't want boys to hear certain things on the phone! It was then that I realized how far I'd gone insane. I couldn't let her go, I couldn't forget her, I cared too much about my sister.

During the New Year, I accompanied my sister to buy new clothes. As we walked, I left her behind. She said I was walking too fast and she couldn't keep up. I said there was nothing I could do, I was used to this pace. Suddenly, she took my arm and said, "This way I won't fall behind you. Let's go!" My heart pounded wildly, and my face turned red. We knew we were siblings, yet we were still so close. Sometimes I even felt her chest brush against my arm. I felt a little dizzy! But I couldn't let my sister know what I was thinking. I felt so dirty, always thinking such inappropriate things.

I bought several new clothes for my sister and a few for myself. People on the street saw how close my sister and I were and assumed we were a couple. Actually, I'm also unclear about my relationship with my sister. I can sense that her feelings for me are somewhat ambiguous, but I'm afraid to face it, and I really don't dare to break through the shackles of societal norms. After all, we are related by blood. Sometimes, it's enough to keep the beautiful things in your heart. That's how I think.

Until the May Day holiday that year, I went to visit my sister's school. We were both very happy to see her. She played with me on the street, and once, while crossing the road, I unintentionally held her hand. Her hand felt so soft and smooth, almost boneless, and I was reluctant to let go. I even saw her blush…

As a result, we both had a rather awkward day on May Day. That evening, when we were returning to our dorm, she suddenly called my name (she changed how she addressed me after she found out we were siblings). She called me by my name, not "brother." Just as I was wondering what was going on, she threw herself into my arms, hugged me tightly, and quickly said, "I like you, I can't forget you." Then she ran back to her dorm like a shot. My feelings at that moment could only be described as shock, happiness, and conflict. I couldn't sleep all night. I didn't know how to face my sister the next day. At the time, I was staying at my sister's classmate's house, but the classmate was on holiday back in their hometown. I understood what my sister meant by those words. She called me by my name instead of "brother." If I still didn't understand, I'd be a complete idiot. But I hesitated. I couldn't accept this kind of love. Yet, I admired my sister's courage; how could she dare to say it?

I tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep, finally deciding to wait until I saw her. The next day, I went to my sister's dorm. As soon as I entered, she handed me a letter and ran off. I was stunned, just standing there dumbfounded. Then I took the letter back to my room and opened it. Nine pages, densely packed with writing. The letter was almost entirely about my past with my sister—the first time we held hands, our kiss, playing by the river, the gifts I gave her! There were many things I wouldn't have remembered if I hadn't seen this letter, but my sister remembered every single one clearly, including when and where it happened. My sister said I was the first boy she ever liked. Since high school, we'd spent every Valentine's Day together. I realized then that my sister couldn't forget me; she liked me. After reading my sister's letter, I felt my heart bleeding, and my eyes welled up with tears. I thought I was the only one suffering, but it turns out my sister is suffering a hundred times more than me.

After reading the letter, I started calling her cell phone, but it was always off. I felt like someone going through withdrawal, unable to sit or stand still. Every part of my body felt uncomfortable. Finally, I waited for her in the room! Surely she'd come back to sleep eventually! It was almost 11 pm when my sister finally returned. I practically rushed to her: "Where have you been? Why was your phone off? Don't you know how worried I was?" My sister didn't say anything, tears streamed down her face. Seeing her cry felt like a knife was stabbing my heart. I knew she was hurting. I hugged her tightly, holding her close. She cried, "I was so scared, afraid you'd say I was shameless. I was afraid to turn on my phone, afraid to go back to the dorm." By then, she was completely sobbing. I slowly pushed her away, looking at her tear-streaked face. I finally mustered the courage to gently kiss away her tears. My sister trembled all over in my arms, staring at me with wide eyes before slowly closing them. I thought, "Well, it's come to this anyway. So be it!" I steeled myself, closed my eyes, and kissed her. It truly tasted sweet, incredibly sweet.

That night, I took my sister back to her classmate's house. It was past midnight, and my sister fell asleep in my arms. I could hardly believe it—a real brother and sister, sleeping together. Looking at my sleeping sister, I gently kissed her little mouth and then fell asleep myself. That night, we really only kissed for a short while; nothing else happened! I slept until almost noon the next day. When I woke up, my sister was already up, playing on the computer. Suddenly, I didn't know how to talk to her, feeling very awkward. After I completely composed myself, I hugged her small waist from behind and pressed my face against hers: "What are you playing?" My younger sister spoke to me gently and tenderly, "You're awake!" The way she spoke to me so gently was definitely the tone a girlfriend would use to talk to her boyfriend, completely different from how a sister would talk to her brother. It seemed she couldn't change, couldn't forget that past. For a moment, I was stunned, because ever since I found out she was my sister, I had never intended to treat her as my girlfriend. It felt like a nightmare.

Seeing me lost in thought, my sister chuckled and kissed me on the cheek: "What are you daydreaming about! Silly!" I felt so happy and said foolishly, "You're so beautiful." My sister said, "You just realized that?" By this point, I was already losing control. I pulled my sister close and kissed her. This time was completely different from last night because I was a bit rough, not as gentle as last night. The more I kissed her, the more I felt a change in her body. My sister probably sensed it too and tried to push me away, but I was like a madman. My sister wasn't as strong as me. Soon, her breathing became rapid, her chest heaving, her face was flushed, and her eyes started to glaze over. We had both lost our senses.

Due to nervousness, although I was a bit clumsy, I managed to take off her clothes. I will no longer call her my sister here, because at that moment, I considered her the woman I loved most in my life, no longer just my sister. This was the first time in my life I had seen a woman's body. My blood vessels felt like they were about to burst. She just desperately tried to cover herself with a blanket. For a moment, I was at a loss. I didn't know what to do, so I dug out all the porn I had ever seen. She was really beautiful, with fair skin and a great figure. We just hugged each other haphazardly, not knowing what to do next.

Those with experience know the difference between virgins and non-virgins. To put it another way, it's like the difference between a narrow, winding road and a highway – one is difficult to navigate, the other is smooth and unobstructed. I was a complete virgin at the time, utterly inexperienced, and couldn't find the right direction, constantly wavering. After struggling for half an hour, we still couldn't finish. I felt like it was fate; in that instant, I suddenly lost all sexual desire. I stopped all movement and lay quietly beside her. Seeing me like this, she softly asked, "What's wrong?"

I replied listlessly, "Sister! What we're doing is...!" Then I didn't say anything more, nor did I want to. I knew that in Chinese history, siblings couldn't marry, and although I knew that our love hadn't hurt anyone else, it was still unacceptable to society. We had no future. At that moment, I decided to give up. My sister didn't say anything more either. We lay there quietly for a long time. Finally, she cried, but firmly said to me, "I don't know if we're...sex, but no matter what, I don't regret it." My sister's words touched me deeply. It wasn't that I didn't love her, but I just couldn't get over the knot in my heart. Finally, I told her: "We can try being together, but don't let anyone who knows us know. Also, let's not do this again.

" I'm not impotent, nor do I not want to have sex with my sister; I just thought that if we hadn't done it, there would at least be a way back, at least my sister's innocence would be preserved. My sister was naturally very happy that I agreed to be with her and readily agreed to my request. The next few days were probably the happiest days of my life! My sister and I could go shopping hand in hand like other couples every day, and even on the bus, when there was only one seat left, I would hold her in my lap.

Happy times always pass quickly, and the May Day holiday was almost over. Since clarifying things with my sister, when I was with her, except for sleeping—not because I didn't want to, but because I really wasn't sure nothing would happen—it was too late. When she took me home, the way she looked at me with such reluctance almost melted my heart. I could only pretend to be nonchalant and say to her: "Silly girl, it's not like we're never seeing each other again. Summer vacation will be here soon!" "And we can still talk on the phone." My sister just nodded, but her eyes reddened. It wasn't until I boarded the train and it started moving that I truly understood what it meant to be separated by life and death. The heart-wrenching pain made me want to jump off the train several times.

For days after returning to school, I didn't know what I was doing; I was completely sleepwalking, feeling uninterested in anything, only thinking about the moments I spent with my sister. At that time, I was actually very sad. I began to feel that my relationship with my sister was something that couldn't be made public, and that we could never be together.

The real pain had only just begun! Summer vacation had finally arrived, and my sister came home to stay with us. But we could both feel the pain of having to hide our relationship. In front of our parents, we had to pretend nothing was wrong, maintaining our sibling relationship. Only when our parents weren't home could we unleash our intense love. We're both young, and so in love, plus we're wearing less clothing in the summer, and many times our intimacy almost made me lose control. But at crucial moments, I managed to stay somewhat sane. I rushed into the bathroom and took a cold shower, then... Seeing me like that, my sister said to me several times: "If it's so painful, don't hold back anymore. I really won't regret it." I smiled and told her: "Silly girl, I'm fine. I'm not with you for that kind of thing." I admit my sister is braver than me. Every time I wanted to back down, it was her persistence and determination that moved me. Actually, it was my sister who had been carefully maintaining this relationship.

My sister is very well-behaved; she cleans the house meticulously every day, so that when our parents come home from work, they can have a meal ready. My mother also kept an eye on my sister and me. That night, she pleaded with me, "Please don't let anything happen between you and my sister. We're related by blood; you can't be in a romantic relationship. You can only ever be siblings." I said, "I'll be careful; nothing will happen."

My mother's words were absolutely true. I wanted to end this hopeless relationship with my sister before my parents found out, so as not to hurt them. But when I faced my sister, I couldn't say anything. I truly loved her, and she loved me too. But why couldn't we be together even though we loved each other so much? Our relationship dragged on until we were almost graduating from university, and we could both feel each other's pain. I insisted on making things clear with my sister, cutting all ties.

I found her and told her my decision. She didn't speak, didn't cry, just stared at me intently. I knew she must hate me, hate that we gave up at the most crucial moment. I told her that from now on, we could only be siblings, and we should forget the past. To make her give up completely, I burned the letters she had written to me in front of her. My sister didn't cry throughout the whole process, but I could feel her heart was broken. Perhaps she didn't know that my heart hadn't beaten since.

After that, my sister ignored me. I knew she hated me; perhaps time would heal her wounds. After graduating from university, my sister returned home and worked for a foreign company locally. To avoid awkwardness when we met, I went to work in Guangzhou or Shenzhen alone. After arriving, I changed my old phone card, wanting to completely forget my sister. A year passed in a flash, and I hadn't called her once. She didn't even know my phone number. But one night, around 10 pm, after I was asleep, the phone rang several times. I saw it was our hometown area code, so I answered. It was my sister's voice; it sounded so familiar. I asked, "How did you get my phone number?" She said her mother told her, and then I heard her sobbing… I cried too. I'm a man, and it was the first time I'd ever shed tears. I couldn't control myself. After that, my sister didn't say anything more and hung up. I heard the beeping sound, and my tears streamed down my face again. I sat on the bed, unable to fall asleep for a long time. Finally, around dawn, I felt sleepy and drifted off. But I had a nightmare: I dreamt that my house was full of people, and there was so much food prepared; almost everyone around me was there. Before my dream was even finished, my phone rang (it was already past 7 pm), and I woke up with a start. I rubbed my eyes and answered the phone. It was my mother. She said, "My sister is sick; I need to come back immediately." I got up and went to Shenzhen International Airport, then flew back. After getting off the plane, I called my mother to ask, "Which hospital is my sister in?" My mother said, "Go to your sister's house." I thought to myself, "My sister is sick; why is she at home?" My mind was in turmoil, but I couldn't worry about that now; I rushed to my sister's house. By the time I got home (because I had to transfer buses), it was already noon.

When I was not far from my sister's house, I noticed a large embankment made of cowhide erected in front of her door. I immediately sensed something was wrong; my legs went weak, and I could barely walk. But I had to keep going. Just as I reached the door, my second aunt came out. She grabbed my hands and stammered, "Your sister was in a car accident in the city last night." (My sister worked for a foreign company in the area after graduation. Last night, after calling me, she was overcome with grief and, while crossing the street, didn't pay attention to oncoming traffic. She was struck by a large cement truck and died instantly. The time I reported the incident was...) The accident happened just minutes after she made the call (this is the accident report from the traffic police). When I heard this devastating news from my aunt, I fainted...

When I woke up, my sister's urn (she had been cremated; burial is not allowed locally) had already been brought back. I had no tears left; I just stood there, holding my sister's urn...

Heaven: I understand that my sister and I are siblings, and we cannot be husband and wife in this life; I only want to maintain the bond of kinship with my sister. Why can't you grant me this small request? If Heaven can arrange for my parents and my sister's adoptive parents to be cared for in their old age and for their final days, I am willing to hold my sister's hand and walk together on the road to the underworld, never to return...
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I slept with my own sister, and that's what caused her death.

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