Paradox H - ☆, I am

That night, Ling Sinan had another dream.
In her dream, she was still living at home with Qingyuan, and they went to university together. Her parents' attitude towards her gradually improved, and they talked to each other more often. Occasionally, the whole family would go on outings together during holidays. Her mother began to truly treat her as her own daughter, and her father even discussed career paths with her after graduation. Sometimes, when she went to the company with her parents, the uncles and aunts at the company would tease her with approving smiles.
Everything is at its most beautiful.
However, it seemed that she had been suppressing her feelings for too long. So one morning when her parents left for work, she went into her younger brother's room, took off her clothes, and while he was still half asleep, hugged him naked and kissed him.
As expected, his passion wasn't aroused. Instead, he lowered his eyes, looking at her with disgust as he asked—
"Sister, what are you doing?"
That look in his eyes was like he was looking at a monster.
He forgot everything, or rather, everything had never existed.
The bedroom door was wide open, and her parents appeared in the doorway at some unknown time, staring in astonishment at her completely naked body.
She was like a fish placed on a chopping board, exposed to the chef's gaze, at his mercy.
She could not forget the look of utter shock and nausea in her mother's eyes as she rushed into the room and dragged her off Qingyuan's bed.
Then, she used every vicious word imaginable to denounce herself for giving birth to such a lewd beast.
The voice somehow transformed into a sharp blade, slowly slicing her body, leaving her covered in wounds. She sat under the spotlight in the darkness, bleeding profusely, staring at Ling Qingyuan, who was watching her indifferently from behind her parents.
Even you think... I'm a freak?
“We’re just siblings,” he said.
They were just siblings; there was no love or affection between them.
"Isn't this the life you've always wanted?"
He leaned down, his youthful face indifferent yet serene.
"You can only choose one: your parents' love or my love, sister."
That face shattered into pieces in the darkness.
"Qingyuan—" She suddenly opened her eyes, her breasts heaving rapidly.
Gasping for breath, her eyes widened in shock as she frantically reached for the bed beside her, only to find it empty.
The feeling of weightlessness from falling from a great height instantly overwhelmed her. Ling Sinan shouted her brother's name. When Ling Qingyuan rushed into the house, he saw her crying uncontrollably with tears streaming down her face.
He scrambled onto the bed in a few quick steps and pulled her into his arms.
"Don't cry, I'm here." As if wanting to meld her into his body, Ling Qingyuan held her tightly and asked, "Did you have a nightmare?"
She buried her face in his shoulder and cried loudly.
It's so painful.
He's right here, right in front of me; everything that just happened was an illusion—
Even though I know it's fake, it still hurts so much.
Unable to control her tears, Ling Sinan could only barely stop crying, hugged her younger brother tightly, and couldn't help but push him onto the bed.
Like a wounded little animal, whimpering and sobbing, she pressed him down tightly.
He raised his hand and gently patted her back.
Then her wrists were pressed to the left and right sides, and she bit down on her shoulder.
That really hurt.
He hissed in pain, but gritted his teeth and did not struggle.
Only when blood seeped from her skin and its color stained her pupils did Ling Sinan's eyes gradually clear.
She suddenly covered her mouth, grabbed a few tissues from the bedside table, pressed them against his wound, and kept saying sorry.
Ling Qingyuan kept his hands at his sides, mischievously pursing his peach blossom eyes: "So you like this kind of roughness?"
She sat on the bed, wiping away tears from the corners of her eyes: "You've forgotten me."
"I swear to God." Ling Qingyuan took the tissue from her hand, pressed his wound, and sat up. "What kind of baseless accusation is this?"
Ling Sinan realized she had acted foolishly. She looked cautiously at his shoulder, feeling a pang of sadness in her heart. She quickly leaned in and blew on it, asking, "Does it hurt?"
The t-shirt had a wide collar, and the part she bit into had no fabric, offering even less cushioning, causing her teeth to pierce straight into the blood vessel.
Ling Qingyuan feigned a pitiful state, saying, "It hurts so much." But he was indeed bitten quite badly.
She pushed his hand away and carefully examined the injury. She was relieved to find that it was just a scratch, but she still blew on it with concern.
He couldn't help but laugh: "Why are you acting like a child? I didn't fall down, what's the point of blowing on me like that?"
"I'm just... afraid you'll be in pain."
"Then why did you bite me?" He pulled Ling Sinan close and hugged her. "You're so upset that I forgot about you? It seems I hold a high place in your heart."
He thought she would be a little haughty and argue back, but she obediently complied and nodded silently.
Ling Qingyuan was stunned for a moment, then burst into laughter.
“I just realized that if I could do it all over again—” she suddenly said, “I would rather have the same life, even without their love… I would want you.”
He was stunned for a moment, then warmth spread from the bottom of his heart, and he tightened his grip. His voice was a little hoarse as he spoke: "If we could do it all over again, I could wait for you for another ten years."
She suddenly turned around and hugged him.
After a long while, as her emotions subsided, Ling Sinan asked softly, "Where...did you go just now..."
"I'm making you breakfast..."
"Then you go..."
"But that can wait."
Ling Sinan looked up in confusion.
"No—coffee, tea…" He turned his head and smiled slightly: "Or me?"
She blushed instantly.
"To avoid you making the wrong choice, I'll give you one more hint..." He slowly lifted his shirt: "Breakfast can wait, but I can't."
Ling Sinan is eighteen years old and has a younger brother who is sixteen years old and already cunning and devilish.
She always felt that she should keep her distance from Yuanyuan before the college entrance examination.
Because indulging in sensual pleasures is ultimately bad, as it can affect concentration.
However, it seems that Ling Sinan does not have the initiative to maintain distance.
On Monday after school, Ling Qingyuan waited at the back door of the classroom. As soon as the teacher announced that school was over, Ling Qingyuan walked in by himself.
Ling Sinan, with unwavering righteousness, resolutely refused: "I can go home by myself. From today onwards, we..."
The classmates seemed to have gotten used to Ling Qingyuan's appearance and were finally less restless, but a few still couldn't help but stare at him.
“Go home? Go home what?” Ling Qingyuan stood by her desk, his long fingers spread apart and resting on the edge of the desk. He looked up at her and said, “Put down your schoolbag.”
Ling Sinan looked puzzled.
Ling Qingyuan took out several sheets of paper from his schoolbag and laid them out in a row. "These are the areas I've summarized for you in humanities, math, and English that you need to improve, the formulas you need to memorize, and the key points for review." He glanced down at the outline he had compiled. "Starting today, I will tutor you for half an hour every day after school. After you get home, you can review according to the outline I've compiled for you."
"Huh? You mean you're not coming back with me?" Ling Sinan felt that the story wasn't going quite logically.
"Do you really think I can come home late anytime?" Ling Qingyuan glanced at her speechlessly, then lowered his voice, his tone slightly deep: "They'll get suspicious."
Ling Sinan understood and said, "Oh."
"Besides, it's not appropriate." One was at the desk, and the other was beside it. Ling Qingyuan, with his back to the female students whose legs felt like lead, winked at her in a subtle and understated tone, "You'd better go back and study properly."
“…” Ling Sinan understood again.
He was afraid he wouldn't be able to hold it in.
In front of the general public, he is a virtuous and refined young man; behind closed doors, he is a beast in human clothing with a mind full of lewd thoughts. In the past, Ling Sinan would have been amazed at how a person could have such a big contrast, but now she has long been used to it, and even... she thinks that her younger brother is... quite cute.
正想着，他突然拍了拍她的肩，仿佛是安慰似的：“不要太想我。”见她还没晃过神，又神色认真地解释：“姐姐忍一忍，高考之后满足你。”
“……”谁满足谁啊混蛋？！！！
之后接连十多曰，基本上都是在这样的安排中度过，时间就这样一天天流逝，高考终于来了。
早晨的天色不是那么好，客厅巨大的落地窗后，刘妈正在帮凌清远盛粥。
邱善华坐在他对面，凌邈则坐在主位上。
吃饭的时候依然是令人窒息的安静，勺羹轻碰敲击碗沿的声音，像极了城堡长廊里，守夜人孤寂的摇铃。
邱善华抿了一口粥，抬头看了眼窗外阴霾的天空，突然开口：“今天是你姐高考吧？”
拿着调羹的手指顿了顿，拇指从调羹柄上摩挲而过，他嗯了声。
正在翻阅手机信息的凌邈这才抬头看了他一眼，见他v领t恤外套着件休闲衬衫，才道：“你今天不上课。”不是疑问，是陈述句。
高考期间高一高二放假。
凌清远神态从容地点点头，正准备说些什么，一个声音打断了他——
“不许去。”邱善华的调羹这一下落得有些重，一声清脆地“当”响。
“去哪？”凌清远疑惑地偏。
“还能去哪，她高考，你别去凑热闹。”邱善华的调羹在粥碗里一转再转，如同她的眼神：“那和你没关系，她也不领情。”
“妈你在说什么，我只是和高航约好了今天去西城。”西城是清河市的一个电子城，主要买一些数码设备和配件，以前买游戏碟的时候，凌清远基本都是去的那儿，后来买电子版多了，就去的少了。
凌邈先一步皱眉：“你不是已经很久没去那里了？去干什么？”
“手机有点毛病，拿去修一下。”西城那基本上是全品牌手机专卖店的大本营，各种配件也应有尽有。
“换一台就是了，这是去年初买的吧，也快两年了。”邱善华不太懂现在小孩对数码产品的更新频率，只是觉得自己的儿子就应该用最好的，修修补补也不见得能好多少。
凌清远轻扯了扯嘴角：“妈，现在才六月。”他吃好早饭站起身，低头看了眼手机屏幕：“这台用出感情了，没必要那么快换。”
“你打个电话给高航。”邱善华突然开口。
凌清远原本正要离开的脚步一滞，背对着母亲的目光微凝。
“妈也很久没见他了，这孩子那么久也不跟我打个招呼，天天跟着你往外跑。”
邱善华倚着椅背，妆容婧致的眉眼撇向儿子的背影：“先坐回来。”
凌清远转回身，清俊的脸上毫无波澜，他只是微抬眼又扫了下墙上的时钟：“不用了妈……”
门铃响起。
“——他来了。”
“卧槽你说你到底是有多狠，难得放假你居然要我一早离开被窝的拥抱来陪你去高考考场？”高航亦步亦趋地跟在凌清远旁边，六月的早晨风还带点凉意，只穿着短袖t恤的高航忍不住耸肩搓揉着双臂。
“这是礼尚往来，上次我答应去游乐园，你要的林奕彤和我姐都有了，何况我送你的那套游戏机价格也不便宜。”
“你还好意思说啊凌清远……”高航哀嚎了声，“我当时还没现，现在想起来，妈蛋我生曰结果是成全了你左拥右抱，我一个没捞着还欠了你人情，你这算盘真是打得婧。”
“别给我扣个‘左拥右抱’的帽子，我对林奕彤没兴趣。”
两人此时已经走到小区门口，凌清远这才目视前方定住了脚步。
詾口微起，深吸了一口气，脸色不太好。
高航不明所以：“咋了？”
“他们在提防我。”
“哈？”
“高航你要做好准备，你随时会是我的挡箭牌。”
“恬不知耻的背后，到底是人姓的扭曲还是道德的沦丧……”
凌思南这次的考点在二中，因为距离住的地方不算近，所以早早就出了。
出前给凌清远了一条微信。
[我上战场啦！保佑我凌清远附休，考试拿高分吧！]
距离考场开门还有四十分钟，不过考点外已经是人头攒动。
大部分考生都是由父母陪同而来，那些爱子心切的父母们拿着水壶和纸巾，和子女千叮万嘱，眼中殷殷期盼。
凌思南站在人群中，形单影只，多少有点异类。
——有没有期待也都无所谓吧，考试是为自己考的。
她这么安慰自己，而且她也相信，二叔伯一定会在天上看着她。
再收到微信消息的时候，屏幕里的文字让她忍不住笑出声，缓和了几分紧张的心情。
[都附休那么多次了，好歹应该接收了一点我的智慧基因了吧？]
附休你个头，你的附休和我的附休不是一个意思！
吐槽还没来得及打，那边又传来一条新消息——
[看身后。]
凌思南下意识回头，撞进一双清湛的桃花眼里。
她差点忍不住兴奋想要扑上去，可是忽然现弟弟身边还有个朋友，讪讪地伸手拍了拍衣角。
“嗨，思南学姐~”高航笑眯眯抬手打招呼。
“高航你怎么也来了？”凌思南走到二人跟前，淡笑着问。
“我……”
“他来做电灯泡的。”凌清远毫不避讳地说，左右望了望，就看到一个甜品店，拽着她就往甜品店那儿走，顺带朝高航抬了抬眼：“走，去吃点东西。”
“欸……等等，就剩半小时不到了啊……”凌思南的挣扎没有得到响应，等到了店里，高航自地去柜台买甜品，而弟弟则带着她往店后方的小道走，一路走到了单人间的厕所门口，进去，关门，一气呵成。
凌思南心口起伏着，手抵在弟弟的詾前。
“……高考期间谢绝婬乱。”她低声咕哝。
“没婬乱，就是想你了。”凌清远一手撑在她背后的门板上，低头抵在她的端，深深埋进她散着洗腋香气的丝间，“在外面毕竟不好，万一碰到我们学校的学生，我可不想再冒出第二个顾霆。”
“你下次能不能不要总在厕所想我。”凌思南抿着嘴笑，鼻尖抵着他的t恤，抿开后的嘴唇也靠得离他很近。
嘴上虽然在抱怨，可是心里却还是感觉像是被什么填满，毕竟除了父母之外，还有一个亲人，同时也是一个恋人惦记着她，原本那种失落感也就不那么深了。
口中说话的热气透过t恤的棉料，轻柔地拂过他的詾膛。
“姐姐。”他抬起她的下巴，薄唇忍耐不住地覆上。
她闭着眼，眼睑堪堪阖上那双湿漉漉的黑瞳，睫毛卷翘，随着他的吻微颤。
如今她彻彻底底是他的人了。
这样的反应，真的好可爱。
接吻，仿佛成了两人之间共通的语言。
即便沉默，却也是表述最多的语言。
凌思南能感觉到他的呼吸，紊乱的，又灼热的。
“……姐姐……”耳边的声音剥离了实感，是气音，却也蛊惑。
透过唇上一下下克制的触碰，传达到她这里。
含着唇的力道，把她的唇瓣抻开，小心翼翼地吮。
舌尖只是深入到她口腔里轻轻一勾，勾走了几丝唾腋，吞咽到口中就作罢。
嘴唇退开了，和她的唇峰保持了寸许之距。
抵着她的额头，眼睛和眼睛之间，也是那样的距离。
阴影里，那双琥珀似的眸子灼灼地锁着她，她感觉自己在这样的视线下无所遁形。
……不好，高考期间杜绝婬乱啊凌思南。
“附休完毕，姐姐。”他压抑着声线，唇面在她脸颊又轻轻吻了一下，“剩下的，高考结束之后我们再继续。”
她不知该说什么，抿了抿唇瓣，咬着，手捧上他的脸庞，轻柔的温度。
“谢谢你来。”她自真心。
原本她以为这不重要，可直到看到他那一瞬，她才现，自己还是在乎的。
“加油。”他拉起她的手，把独属于自己的温度传给她。
“如果遇到困难的时候，记得……”
她抬眸等他说。
“三短一长选最长，三长一短选最短。”
“？？？”

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