Western Poison

I am...

Lately, I keep having the same dream, filled with so many people, a jumbled mess.

How jumbled? Completely jumbled.

Those faces all seem so familiar, like stories from my life, yet also like they aren't. Many of them hate me; you can clearly see it in their eyes. Why do they hate me? What did I do to them? I really don't understand. Maybe it's just that as people get older, they tend to overthink? I still can't figure out if I'm reminiscing. This has been bothering me for a while, keeping me from sleeping well. Sometimes I'm too lazy to think about it anymore, but there's one thing I absolutely have to figure out—who am I?

The fire flickers, and strange faces seem to be materializing in the flames again, unclear.

It's strange: when I'm awake, those faces do appear, but they're never as clear as when I'm asleep; when I'm asleep, they're very clear, almost frighteningly clear, but when I wake up, everything becomes blurry again. Blurry

is blurry, there's nothing I can do about it.

Who did this to me? Why am I like this? Who am I?

I think I remember something—a very pretty little girl!

She was indeed very pretty, so pretty that even I, a man who thought I was unmoved by anything… Who is she?

It seems to be raining outside, a heavy rain. And the wind is strong, making this dilapidated temple look like it's about to collapse. Will it fall down? Instead of thinking about those things that are really giving me a headache, I should focus on the present. Why is my brain still not working properly? I can't even remember why I came to this dilapidated temple. Didn't that just happen? How come I seem to have forgotten?! I wasn't like this before, was I like this before? Sigh! It's that same foggy question again, what happened?

It seems like someone is walking towards this dilapidated temple in the wind and rain. Oh, that sounds like pretty good light-footed skill. Oh, it seems like there are two people. Oh? It seems like there's someone else quietly following them from further away.

My ears were twitching, albeit very slightly, but they were definitely moving. My martial arts have improved!

Can I go and claim the title of number one in the world now? Why bother claiming that useless title? And who am I going to compete with? I couldn't quite figure it out. I just felt it was something I absolutely had to do, like I'd been busy with it all along, it'd become a habit.

Footsteps were getting closer, they were almost at this dilapidated temple, coming.

The broken door was pushed open, and the annoying wind, carrying slanted raindrops, instantly soaked a large patch of ground, along with wet footprints. My flame flickered wildly, and the entire temple suddenly became somewhat dim and surreal, everything seemed to be flying up, densely pressing down on me…

I shook my head, reaching out to brush aside the messy hair on my forehead. This hair needed a good tidying up; it probably wasn't very good, it felt dry and sticky to the touch, like a pile of tangled grass, and it was way too long. I don't think I used to be like this...

There was a young couple, probably a couple, leaning against each other at the door. They were quite handsome.

The young man was dressed very well. Even though he was soaking wet, you could still tell at a glance that the fabric and workmanship were top-notch. Hehe~ I know my stuff.

The young man was quite attractive, but the girl was even more attractive.

The girl was indeed very pretty, giving off a bright and clear feeling. Yes, that's the feeling.

But I don't really like this type. I like...

but this girl is still quite pretty, that can't be denied. She has a sweet and elegant round face, arched eyebrows, and eyes that also seem to be arched, as if she's smiling. Actually, she wasn't smiling; a girl soaked to the bone probably wouldn't smile, but that's the feeling she gave off. In addition, she had a touch of gentleness that seeped from her bones, which was really nice. Her clothes were completely soaked, and the feeling of being soaked was really nice; she looked clean and clear from the water. Those strands of hair, those slightly curvaceous curves…

well, it's not that remarkable. I've seen people much more handsome than them, I really have.

The young man was scrutinizing me closely, his gaze almost rude.

Am I really that annoying? Why is he acting like this the moment he sees me? Is it because my gaze at that girl was a little too direct? She's pretty, why not look? I didn't care about the young man's scrutiny. I continued to look calmly at the girl whose fair cheeks were already flushed. I like seeing girls shy.

The girl did indeed present a different kind of charm in her shyness.

That's right, charm. My knowledge has really improved as much as my martial arts lately, hehe~ Girls aren't necessarily charming when they're shy. Everyone has their own way of expressing it. Only girls with a gentle personality can evoke this feeling.

The young woman had a certain alluring charm. Her cheeks flushed, her head lowered, her gaze became somewhat unfocused, and her hands nervously adjusted the fabric of her shirt that clung to her body…

Too late, I'd already seen it all! Raindrops dripped from her hair, rolling down her cheeks, from her rounded chin to her chest, melting onto her shirt. The fine satin shirt clung to her body, revealing a pair of delicate mounds, with two tiny nipples at their tips… Summer is a good time, girls' clothes are so thin, and when the rain hits them, those wonderful things have nowhere to hide, hahaha~

"I am Lu Zhanyuan, traveling with my wife to visit our family, we encountered rain on the way…" The young man seemed quite angry, but he didn't lash out. He spoke to me with a lot of polite and refined words.

When he very politely addressed me as "Uncle," I suddenly realized that I really was an old man. Me? I must be old, right? Otherwise, why would I keep staring at that young woman? Was it envy of her radiant youth? Yes, youth is so wonderful! Look at that delicate air, that smooth, fine skin, that graceful figure, that… that omnipresent youthful beauty is truly enviable!

I looked at her, and after looking, I wanted to continue exploring those traces of youth. Am I just obscene? I am a little obscene, I know. My gaze, as it swept over those wondrous curves, brought subtle changes to my body. Just looking seemed to swirl in my head, making me feel… well, you know.

I did want to… well, but I didn’t even know why, so I shrank to the side. Women, aren’t they mysterious creatures? I like those curves, I like those wonderful feelings, but at the same time, I’m a little afraid. Why am I afraid? I’m not quite sure. But I know that if I touch her, my world will become a mess, a complete mess. I’m already messed up enough.

It was a rainy summer night, I remember it clearly. I was young then. Yes, I was young too, but I can hardly recall what youth felt like anymore. She was young too, and those who have passed away were young once too—it seems like there's no need to discuss that, but why does she always seem so young in my heart?

Who is she? It's a bit blurry, but she must be a very important woman in my life, extremely important, I know.

Mountains upon mountains, green, a verdant expanse that makes my eyes sting a little.

In the distance, snow-capped mountains rose, their silvery peaks piercing the clouds. Legend says fairies dwell on those mountains. That's nonsense, because I'd been there before I mastered martial arts, and even after reaching the other side of the clouds, I never saw a fairy. I'm a bit stubborn; I have to find the answer to everything. And finding it makes me happy? Not necessarily. At least the story about the snow mountain fairy made me regret it for a while. But it seems I quickly stopped regretting it, because I saw the fairy. She was the fairy.

Grass, trees, wildflowers battered by the rain… Where is this place? Why does it feel so familiar? And there are those soaked clothes, and that sweet fragrance mixed in with the drizzling rain…

She's a fairy, isn't she? She is. Her appearance is a bit blurry; I can't remember it at all, but I know she's beautiful.

Her breathing is rapid, hot, and warm. Her gaze is still avoiding me, disordered, containing annoyance and a little anxiety. Her brows were furrowed, her nostrils and lips flared uneasily, her jaw trembled, her whole body trembled, her hands… her hands were so beautiful, slender, elegant, and white, those delicate dimples on the back of her hands… Her hands pressed against my chest, trembling, but her refusal wasn't so firm.

"Second brother, second brother… no, no… don't…"

Her voice was soft and sweet in my ear, like a murmured sob, gentle and ethereal.

Second brother? Was I her second brother? Was she my sister? Or…? What was I doing then?

The rain fell on us, doing nothing to extinguish the already raging flames, but rather fueling them. Her hair was disheveled, wet, clinging messily to her face, and with her messy, tear-filled eyes, and that trembling that threatened to melt me, I felt like I was going crazy.

What was she hesitating about? Did she love me? From her eyes, I knew her secret. I did know, but she was resisting me, though not with a firm resolve. What was she hesitating about? Weren't her lips hot too? And her body, and her hands…

I pressed her tightly against the tree trunk, rubbing against her closely. The wet clothes clung to her skin, a little cool, but slippery. Perhaps it was the slipperiness emanating from that body? I wasn't sure, and I was too lazy to think about it; I had more important things to do.

At first, her lips flinched, retreated, trembled. Those lips were so nice, moist, tender, and cool.

I cupped her face, gazing into her clear eyes, gazing, conveying my burning passion to her. She froze, her eyes flickered, momentarily fiery, but immediately shrouded in sorrow; her tears mingled with the raindrops. I kissed her, starting from her forehead, kissing her brows, licking her eyelashes, and then sucking away her tears… salty.

I felt the body in my arms soften, so soft, she leaned her whole body against me.

Soon, her body tensed up again, and her hand against my chest suddenly pushed away forcefully.

“Second brother, we can’t…”

“Why can’t I? I can’t live without you!”

I deftly overcame her resistance, stubbornly holding her and kissing her lips.

She didn’t open her mouth, her lips were pursed, and she shook her head from side to side…

My hand was on her waist. Her waist was slender, soft, and yet resilient.

Her body struggled, her waist twisting and arching forcefully…

My hand slid up, roaming over her body. Her body was wonderful, those tender touches, those subtle wriggles, and those soft curves.

Her lips softened, her tense body softened, and her hand slid away from my chest, resting on my shoulder. Slowly, her hand slid down to the back of my neck, trembling as she cradled the back of my head… Her lips parted, grew warm, and her body became fiery. The kiss became passionate and sweet; she was kissing me too. She began to break free from her hesitation; she forgot everything else. Now, it was just her and me.

I savored the sweetness, sucking on her lips, gently biting them with my teeth, then I slipped my tongue in, teasing her with the tip.

Her lips shyly flinched, but quickly yielded. Our tongues intertwined, and we felt each other's throbbing.

My hand untied her sash. The soft ribbon fluttered down, and I felt her warmth, her heat. Women's clothing is intricate; thankfully, it was summer.

My hand finally touched her smooth, warm skin.

The instant of contact, her skin twitched, and the muscles beneath her delicate skin seemed to twitch; she tensed again. Her skin was almost burning hot, and my hand stirred ripples across her body as she whispered her panic through her nose. But the panic seemed fleeting; she hugged me tightly, kneading me vigorously, ruffling my hair and clothes…

I felt encouraged, and the beauty truly intoxicated me. A stronger desire began to grow within me, burning fiercely, uncontrollably. My hand slid up her slender, smooth waist, savoring every delicate smoothness and the soft, tender texture, her breath, her heartbeat, every movement…

I found it; my fingers touched that exquisite mound, so soft, so smooth. When I grasped it, the delicate tissue playfully evaded, bouncing and teasing my hand. The tip of her nipple had hardened; I could almost feel its subtle swelling between my fingers…

I pulled away from her lips and abruptly ripped open her clothes.

Her shoulders, her chest, her abdomen, her upper body were laid bare before me.

I was intoxicated, captivated by her beauty and passion.

Her two delicate, pert breasts trembled with her rapid breathing, the amber nipples leaving wondrous trails of light in the air with each movement. Her abdomen rose and fell, revealing the peculiar swirl on her smooth belly. Her snow-white skin was flushed with a rosy glow from the passion, her body seemed to become crystalline, radiating her beauty towards me. Her face was also flushed, her eyes tightly closed, her long, curled eyelashes trembling slightly, her lips still in a kissing posture, her tongue still moving, her lips a vibrant crimson. Her face was relaxed, a little eager; she was waiting for me.

When I moved closer again, I took her nipple into my mouth and sucked hard. She moaned softly…

I don't know why I suddenly thought of this. Thinking of it, my heart ached a little.

Why did it hurt? Who is she? What is our relationship?

She should be a very important woman in my life, she seems to have…

That feeling is still preserved in my heart, how wonderful, how beautiful.

But why does my heart ache? Was it a mistake? Did we hurt each other in getting that wonderful moment? Who is she? And who am I?

"Uncle, uncle, are you feeling unwell?" A gentle voice rang in my ears, waking me from my reverie.

Who was breathing so heavily? And panting so much.

Seeing Lu Zhanyuan and the concerned young woman's eyes, I realized it was me panting.

"Here's a calming and refreshing pill, please take it. Do you have a fever?"

Seeing the little girl holding a red pill in her chubby pink hands, I stared intently at her little hands and the wrist adorned with a jade bracelet. A strange undercurrent surged within me; I wanted to bite her. But this little girl was so gentle, I couldn't bring myself to bite her.

"Uncle, you…" the little girl offered her hand.

"Yuanzhi, don't go near him!" Lu Zhanyuan pulled the little girl behind him, his right hand resting on the hilt of his sword, completely wary of me.

I continued staring at the frightened little girl. I was annoyed by Lu Zhanyuan; he had separated me from the little girl. I felt my head spinning, my breathing becoming increasingly rapid, my nerves and muscles starting to slip out of control, and my joints cracking…

“Brother, this old man is sick. Look how red his face is.”

“Yuanzhi, he’s in danger!”

The door of the dilapidated temple seemed to be blown open by the wind, and as the light and shadow shifted, another person appeared.

That person stood in the darkness. But I could still see clearly; it was a girl whose presence was hard to describe. Seeing her startled me.

Actually, this girl wasn’t scary at all; in fact, she was a very pretty young girl. She looked about seventeen or eighteen years old, and her well-tailored apricot-yellow blouse accentuated her delicate and exquisite figure, making her look quite alluring. Indeed, quite alluring. She was fuller than the girl in front of me, with a fuller bust, a slimmer waist, and rounder hips—a curvaceous figure. She was also taller, very upright, and quite sharp. Indeed, quite sharp; she gave off that feeling. Her long eyebrows slanted sharply towards her temples, and her phoenix eyes held a chilling coldness. Her nose was straight, and her thin lips were tightly pursed, making her features appear even colder. Her gaze swept across the room; she was aloof and arrogant, making one feel uneasy.

That gaze… that gaze… I feel like I’ve seen it somewhere before! That’s why I’m so surprised.

Where? Where?

How many years ago? I think I was still quite young then, and I think I was doing a rather boring activity on the summit of Mount Hua with some legendary figures…

Mount Hua! That’s right! I saw that arrogant gaze at the foot of Mount Hua.

She was leading a magnificent white horse, wearing a long blue robe, and carrying a sword… Yes, that’s how she was dressed back then, like a chivalrous knight-errant. In fact, she was a knight-errant; she didn’t like being a girl, she even spoke like a man, she cursed, and she killed.

Why should I bother with her? I honestly can't remember. I just remember that when I came down from Mount Hua, I had some things to take care of, and she was very important to me.

Yes, she was very important. Aside from any utilitarian motives, she almost changed me.

I can't remember when or where I first met her; I only remember that I was relatively unknown back then.

Fame? Hehe~ Actually, I didn't seem to care that much about fame back then. My ideal was to be a true assassin.

Assassin? Yes, that's the mysterious profession—lurking in the most inconspicuous places, using the most direct methods to end a life, like a ghost in the night.

Oh! What a wonderful feeling! I liked it, or rather, I really liked that kind of vibe back then. I came out of the mountains, I mastered unparalleled martial arts, and I only wanted to be an assassin. I liked the taste of blood, I liked seeing the desperate eyes and shrill screams of people on the verge of death, and the warm feeling of hot blood splattering on my hands or face. Because of these things, I only wanted to be an assassin. People with fame start to cherish that damn thing, especially a good one. For those feelings, I don't care about fame; I only want to be an assassin.

And being an assassin allows me to live as I please and make money.

Money? Heh heh~ I remember I used to care very little about money, thinking it was a bit dirty, completely incomparable to the feelings I held for it. After becoming an assassin, money suddenly changed; it became a way of measuring things. Yes, even though I didn't want fame, I still craved recognition. And money became the yardstick. When I got it, heh heh~ it was pleasurable, like killing, sex…

Why do I like killing so much? Why do I like the taste of blood? Why…?

My mind is a mess again, like there's a nerve I can't touch; touching it will turn my heart into a complete mess.

For money? That's right, I crossed the vast Gobi Desert from the distant snow-capped mountains for money. I entered through Yumen Pass, passed Lingwu, and arrived in Chang'an. I came to kill for money.

What was that person's name? I can't remember. But he seemed quite famous, and with a good reputation at that. His martial arts skills were also said to be very high, or at least legendary.

Chang'an is so vast and prosperous! Chang'an at night is also magical. The deep night shrouds this beautiful city, and the magnificent buildings, illuminated by dazzling lights, seem to spread their wings, making one's thoughts involuntarily take flight. And there are those people with satisfied faces, finding pleasure in the night and the lights.

Pleasure? Heh~ I came here to find pleasure too.

The night sky illuminated by the lights is a bit chaotic, no longer the clear indigo blue and the clear light tinged by the cold moon, although my favorite cold moon is in the sky.

I like the night, and I also like to wear white clothes in the dark to savor the mystery of the night, and that strange killing intent within that mystery. I have to start, I can't linger in this chaotic city any longer.

I didn't kill that person.

When I arrived, a fight was already taking place in the courtyard, filled with the stench of blood that I was supposed to have caused.

I saw her—oh, at that moment I thought it was him.

He was dressed in the same color as night, and in his hand was a sword colder than the cold moon. He was more suited to be a ghost in the darkness than I was.

He moved with lightning speed, silently; the cold moon in his hand moved with him, flashing like lightning; it was his eyes that killed!

Yes, it was those proud, aloof, yet beautiful eyes that killed. Those eyes were strange; under such intense gaze, it seemed impossible to face their brilliance. My heart was thrown into turmoil, then pursued by that cold sword, and then…

He wasn't very tall, but he gave the impression of being tall. His blue robes fluttered in the wind, making him appear ethereal, somewhat like a deity.

Indeed, somewhat like a deity, he also possessed a face almost perfect like a deity. He came to assassinate, but he wasn't masked.

I like masked assassins. That's me. We don't wear masks because I'm confident, and I like having confidence. I also admire his godlike swordsmanship. It's for killing, yet he wields it with such elegance. His swordplay is truly graceful—his legs, his waist, his… And then, I admire his face. Those slanted eyebrows, slightly delicate, so light and airy. Those eyes—oh, those proud, cold phoenix eyes. The corners of his eyes follow the direction of his eyebrows, making him even colder. I think he has every right to be proud. He's handsome, and he's skilled.

Handsome? Is it a bit much to use that word to describe a man? I truly think he's very handsome; he's the most handsome man I've ever seen. You

can't deny it. Look at that perfectly sculpted nose, look at those red lips, look at that jade-like skin, those shoulders, that waist, those legs… He's more beautiful than a girl.

Why does my heart seem to be pounding so hard? I feel a little…

"Why? Who are you?" The target, brandishing his large sword, faced the beautiful ghost in terror. He was terrified and seemed somewhat bewildered.

The final battle was between four masters; the rest were dead. Because those remaining were all experts, the fight became incredibly dangerous.

He didn't care at all; he remained as swift as lightning, as agile as a feather. He spun around, leaving a trail of light in the night, and then a man fell.

"Hypocritical scoundrel, take off your mask! You think you're so well-hidden?" His voice was arrogant; he seemed to know everything.

"Who are you? Who are you?"

"Lin Chaoying."

That's right, her name was Lin Chaoying.

She was the most beautiful man I had ever seen, the man I almost fell in love with. This secret had been hidden in my heart for so long, a secret!

I was twenty-one then, I remember, because my child had just been born. Actually, I left the snow mountain to escape, didn't I? It seems so.

Several years passed in between.

During that time, I could never forget Lin Chaoying flying in the dark night.

In that time, I seemed to have changed a little; I no longer killed simply because of feelings.

Mount Hua, I saw her again after doing something foolish.

Part Two: A Glimpse of Mount Hua

Foolish? Was I foolish? I was just a little confused.

It's natural for men and women to be together.

I like women, and I like things a little unusual. I think I did something a little unethical with my woman.

What was unusual about it? I can't remember.

It seems like our relationship was unusual, something like that.

That room, that person, it seemed like they weren't just mine. I only went to that room at specific times, only then…

The feeling in my memory was spicy and stimulating; I was like fire, and she was like fire too.

Then, my heart ached, and she cried. We seemed to share a sense of guilt.

Guilt? A little remorse, right? But the feeling was good, etched in my heart. I liked it.

She seemed to be struggling; there was contradiction in her eyes. Until she gave birth to the child, until that short time after giving birth, she seemed never truly free… I remember her eyes.

Why? There seems to be a reason for this.

Men getting together, well…?

I can't quite explain my feelings. I've only actually met Lin Chaoying once.

That unsettling night in Chang'an, that sword… she was a man then.

Just thinking about her makes my heart pound, my scalp tingle, and my blood rush uncontrollably to my head… Her image lingers before my eyes, her eyes are looking at me, her lips are slightly moving as if she wants to speak to me, she… I just can't control myself.

It's strange, thinking about this man makes me feel this way.

Am I just not meant to live a stable life?

I also did something that seemed utterly meaningless to me: I participated in this damn "Mount Hua Sword Tournament."

Mount Hua Sword Tournament? Yes, I remember it clearly.

It seems to be about becoming the best in the world, about fame.

When did I start to be so obsessed with fame? Was it from that night? I wanted to be famous, wanted her attention, wanted…

and also compete for the Nine Yin Manual.

The Nine Yin Manual? This thing seems to be very important.

Am I practicing the kung fu from that? Did I get it? Am I the best in the world?

It seems I didn't get it back then; some stinky Taoist priest with a graying beard took it.

What was that stinky Taoist priest's name? Looks like my brain isn't working so well anymore. Actually, that stinky Taoist priest wasn't that old; he looked to be in his forties, but his hair and beard were definitely white, and he didn't seem very happy.

That stinky Taoist priest was amazing. In all my life, he was the first person I'd ever met who was more powerful than me.

I think I can remember some things now. That stinky Taoist priest seemed to be like me; he was also obsessed with things that seemed a bit eccentric.

In a way, that stinky Taoist priest was my mentor. He made me less disgusted with the fantasies I kept hidden in my heart; he opened up a new world for me.

"Senior brother, senior brother..."

It was a fat, big-eared guy, quite cute. It wasn't that he was particularly handsome, but rather his aura. He was as pure as a blank sheet of paper, almost like that.

What was in his eyes? I think I understood a little; it was a strange passion, so direct and undisguised.

He stood behind that stinky Taoist priest, gently loosening the priest's hair, letting the long, graying hair fall loose. He gently combed it, his face pressed against the priest's refined and elegant face, rubbing against it…

My God! So it wasn't just me! I just thought they…

"Junior brother…"

The lines on that refined and elegant face seemed to have calmed down; he was so relaxed. He closed his eyes, quietly savoring the warmth from behind. What was he waiting for?

That chubby hand moved from the shoulder, pulling open the priest's clothes, revealing the priest's somewhat comical chest.

The chest looked somewhat shocking; indeed, those potentially fatal wounds made it look rather frightening. Each wound told a story, didn't it? What kind of life had he led?

The chubby hand slid across the chest, touching each wound gently, softly, the skin rubbing together with a soft, warm, rustling sound.

The Taoist priest's facial muscles twitched slightly, his breathing quickened, and he grasped the chubby hand, guiding it… a look of ecstasy crossed his face.

The chubby hand even slid across the Taoist priest's stomach, disappearing into the pile of his robes.

Their lips intertwined, they caressed each other, feeling a wonderful, complete immersion.

My God! Is this possible? Can men be this intimate? So it wasn't just me who harbored these feelings, so… then, will I fall for Lin Chaoying? I will!

The stinky Taoist priest stood leaning against the pine tree trunk, his face pressed against it, his back slightly swaying, covered in scars.

The fat, big-eared fellow knelt behind him, holding…

is that it? Is this answer satisfactory?

The fat, big-eared fellow was actually licking the Taoist priest's buttocks, carefully licking back and forth between the buttocks.

His hand moved to the front of the Taoist priest, grasping the limp thing amidst the dark hair, gently kneading it.

Why is it still limp? Didn't you seem quite aroused? Look, isn't your ass wriggling quite wantonly? Does it feel good?

"Junior brother, junior brother..."

The stinky Taoist priest turned around and hugged the fat, big-eared fellow tightly. He made him lean against the tree trunk and kissed him...

I saw it; his anus was wet and slightly open, a small hole with spiraling folds that seemed to be smiling!

His body lowered further and further; he kissed his lips, his chin, his neck, his chest. He lingered on his chest, examining his nipples, which were erect like a woman's. Something else was also erect, and the stinky Taoist priest was kneading it carefully and attentively in his hands. Gradually, the stinky Taoist priest kneaded in front of the fat, big-eared fellow, and gently sucked on the bright red glans with his lips. He sucked it once, and there was a crisp "snap."

The fat, big-eared fellow groaned in pleasure, his face flushed. His mouth was wide open, panting, his breath coming in nasal murmurs mixed with pleasure, making the air feel hot and heavy. His hands gripped the tree trunk tightly, his muscles twitching restlessly, his belly protruding… that belly was quite amusing, round and bulging, swaying back and forth.

The stinky Taoist priest took the encouraged and comforted penis into his mouth, sucking hard, deliberately making "smack, smack" sounds.

I felt my body heating up, my heart pounding uncontrollably, my blood rushing.

I also felt my muscles contorting, especially my perineum, which twitched and throbbed, the changes in my testicles causing my penis to…

even stranger, the perineal twitching caused the anal sphincter to move, that cavity seemed to convey a strange soreness, my buttocks muscles tense and ached.

The image of Lin Chaoying flashed through my mind.

He stared at me coldly, his clothes billowing in the wind, revealing his body.

His skin must be as fair and delicate as his jade-like cheeks, perhaps even more so…

His muscles must be more beautiful than that stinky Taoist's, right? He's very skilled in martial arts. A skilled martial artist can't be without impressive muscles, like mine. His muscles must be even better; his physique is so good, he's a bit thin, but so agile. His legs are so beautiful, his buttocks must be much better than that stinky Taoist's, his… I wanted to touch his penis, like that stinky Taoist, I wanted him to suck mine, I wanted so badly…

My hand involuntarily slipped inside my belt, pressed against my tense, hot lower abdomen, through the thick pubic hair, and grasped his erect penis. So hot, and that tingling pulse, that subtle swelling, that throbbing sensation from being rubbed… They can do it, what do I have to worry about?

The two were pressed together. The stinky Taoist priest lay on the tree trunk, his buttocks throbbing restlessly, while the fat, big-eared fellow grabbed the priest's waist from behind, yelling and slamming his body heavily into the priest's buttocks, "smack, smack..."

Is that okay? What's wrong with that? Why are there so many "okays" and "no"s? Aren't they happy?

I couldn't concentrate on my training; I was just thinking about my own thoughts, about Lin Chaoying, about being with him. Strangely, I didn't seem to be thinking about the child, nor about the girl waiting for me on the snowy mountain. I was just thinking about Lin Chaoying; I couldn't control my mind and heart, I couldn't help it.

The Mount Hua Sword Tournament was about to begin, and in this state, it seemed my chance to become the world's number one was going to be ruined. So what if it's ruined? Is it that important?

Lin Chaoying arrived, walking with a young man who looked utterly disheveled. I encountered them at the Listening to the Rain Pavilion in Huayin.

My mind went completely blank for a moment, all the blood rushed to my head, my limbs felt light and weak, and I felt like I was about to collapse.

Lin Chaoying was so beautiful. His white horse was so beautiful. His white clothes shone brightly in the sunlight, almost transparent. Perhaps it was because of the sun? A blush appeared on his jade-like face. His lips were still proudly pursed, his sword in his fair and slender hand. Where was his sword aura? Why did it seem less sharp? Shouldn't it be as sharp as a precious sword? Why was he laughing? That laugh was so hearty, he laughed so hard…

His laugh wasn't for me; he actually gave that smile to the grimy-looking guy next to him.

Who was that guy? I didn't know him.

Look at that patched-up rags, look at that tangled, messy hair, look at that silly expression!

Oh, actually, that expression wasn't silly at all. Although the young man was slovenly, but…

my God! That young man was so smug. His eyes shone with untamed passion, and he nonchalantly accepted all gazes. He smiled, his head always slightly held high.

His tattered clothes didn't matter anymore, his unkempt hair didn't matter anymore—he was so radiant!

What should I do? Why do I feel like I'm going to panic? Don't panic! You can't be so pathetic! Are you worse than that young man? Not really, right?

I grabbed the table, reached up to fix my hair, reached up to wipe my face, worried that I might have eye boogers. I rubbed my face… why do my facial muscles feel like they're twitching? What's with all the twitching?!

Right, that young man isn't as tall as me! His clothes aren't… does clothing really matter? Damn it!

Why is Lin Chaoying so happy walking with him? They…? Don't fucking think like that, don't think like that.

I pressed my hand against my chest, pressing hard. If I don't push hard, I'm afraid my heart will burst through my chest, messing up my proud pectoral muscles.

What's wrong with me? Why have I suddenly lost my confidence? What the hell is going on?

I hold my breath, afraid to breathe.

They actually came in! They actually sat in the seat next to me! They…

My neck is so sore, I want to look at him, but I don't dare. I'm worried he'll feel disgusted by the jealousy in my eyes, I'm worried…

Jealous? I'm jealous? I'm jealous of that beggar? Just because Lin Chaoying is with him?

What's their relationship? Could they…?

Don't think nonsense, don't fucking think nonsense, damn it!

My back muscles are so sore too, I want to look at him, but I don't dare. I'm worried…

What the hell should I do? I've never been so indecisive in my life! What's wrong with me?

I live in the famous "Liuxianju" in Huayin, it's quite comfortable.

But I can't sleep, I really can't sleep. I'm thinking about him, my mind is completely blank.

There's another reason I can't sleep: my neighbor is an idiot. Every night he plays the flute, he calls it a xiao.

The sound of that xiao is always so melancholic, like a lonely person wandering in an endless wilderness. The sky, the clouds, the grasslands, the mountains, the water, the grass—it all seems to belong to him, yet none of it truly belongs to him. He's so damn lonely.

Later I heard he wasn't playing about the wilderness, but about the sea.

The sea? What the hell is the sea like? I've never seen it. I just felt he was playing about the confusion and loneliness between the wilderness and the snow-capped mountains. Whatever he says, I don't believe him.

His xiao music always seems to solidify my worries into a concrete image: Lin Chaoying seems to be washing that beggar's feet, feeding the beggar…

Damn it, I really want to beat that arrogant brat up!

But I can't do it.

In the quiet of the night, I really need the sound of that flute.

On moonlit nights, I really need him to have a drink with me.

We became friends.

What was that arrogant brat's name again?

The moon was so round and bright that night, and the dark blue sky stretched out endlessly, so clear that the bottom was invisible.

The stream in the small garden tinkled and sang merrily, and the branches, leaves, grass, and the little insects hiding in the grass joined in the gentle breeze.

The arrogant brat sat opposite me, not looking at me, but fiddling with the beautiful jade flute in his handsome hands.

He was very handsome.

He wasn't as tall as me, but he didn't look short at all. His hair was always neatly combed, and the golden crown that tied his hair up was exquisite. His face was handsome: his light eyebrows were striking; his phoenix eyes, filled with both tenderness and aloofness, were captivating; his nose was straight and refined; his lips had strong lines, the most striking feature of his appearance.

He always wore the best clothes, ate the best food, and stayed in the best rooms; he was a bit picky. He said it was what he deserved, because outstanding individuals naturally deserve outstanding treatment, and one cannot be without self-discipline.

He gave off an air of pride, but I knew he was actually quite lonely, with a warm heart. Some people are like that; they seem arrogant and unapproachable, but they actually need comfort, like me and Crazy Boy.

Crazy Boy downed his glass of wine in one gulp, looked at me, and said, "Brother Feng, life is often unsatisfactory..."

I loved drinking with him, but I didn't like chatting with him. He always tried to reason with me, which I didn't enjoy. But I loved listening to him play his jade flute; the sound of the flute allowed me to understand him, and we could then talk from the heart—how wonderful.

He started playing. Actually, he was very perceptive; he knew I didn't like talking to him, but he knew I loved listening to him play the flute.

He took me back to the edge of my wilderness and snow-capped mountains. I was walking alone, not knowing where it would end. It seemed like there was someone else beside me, so far away…

A clear, crisp zither melody began to echo the wild boy's jade flute.

My head buzzed. This zither music…

I felt someone approaching me, felt his warmth, felt his gaze, felt… He gently explained the pain in my heart. He seemed to be stroking my face, my body, soothing my agitation and unease. He had the power to draw my passion to him, I felt it.

The heart is such a wondrous thing.

I didn't turn around; I could feel with my heart that it was the person I was waiting for. His arrival made my heart flutter. The moon seemed to have lost its luster, and the night sky was exceptionally clear. All the noise disappeared, even the wild boy's jade flute no longer touched my heart, leaving only the gentle, melodious zither music.

Was he asking me to read him? Or perhaps not. What was he doing? He seemed to be answering someone. He…?

It was Lin Chaoying, dressed again in a dark blue robe, sitting casually in the pavilion on the artificial hill. A lantern beside him illuminated his face, his figure, as if no one else was there.

A soulmate is far away? I'm here!

I stood up, a little unsteady, and grabbed the table for support. I looked in that direction, but didn't have the courage to go over. I could only look at him, at his eyebrows, his eyes, his lips, his flowing robes, and his obliviousness…

He wasn't here to play the zither for me! He was…?

My God! What was his relationship with the mad boy? His eyes seemed to only see the mad boy, and his zither music was for the mad boy! What should I do?

The mad boy's jade flute changed tune, he asked.

The zither music changed tune too, he answered.

I felt utterly abandoned in the night, I was going crazy.

After that night, I didn't stay at "Liuxianju".

I also liked the Jade Flute of the Mad Boy, and I liked the Mad Boy himself, but I couldn't stand their banter. Although staying there meant I could see him, I still couldn't bear the feeling of being ignored.

I moved away, to Jinglin Temple outside Huayin City.

Jinglin Temple wasn't big, but the environment was quite nice.

The monks weren't bad either, they knew how to use money wisely. So, I lived quite well, and the food was good too.

A group of wealthy people moved in around the same time as me.

The leader was a young man in brocade robes and a jade belt, with a dignified air. You could tell at a glance he was from the south—short, with a large head, high cheekbones, thick lips, and rather sexy skin, tanned a very cool bronze by the sun. His eyes were bright, somewhat like stars, and his gaze was like fire. He was quite a spirited young man, especially since he was very easygoing, never speaking without a smile, and his speech was very polite. I quite liked him.

However, I didn't like his entourage—a bunch of arrogant bastards! He's a grandson in front of his master; but in front of strangers, he'll swagger and show his gleaming canines. What a fucking bastard!

Lin Chaoying is here again, alone with his sword, wearing a fiery red robe. He rushed over, first teaching those lackeys a lesson for me.

When I came out, Lin Chaoying still didn't glance at me; his attention was on that fiery young man.

They quickly began to spar, displaying their best martial arts skills—a lively and beautiful fight.

What was Lin Chaoying doing? He ate with beggars, he played music with the wild boy, he sparred with this fiery young man—what would he do to me?

My mind finally cleared a little; I realized he was doing something he considered very important.

I'm not stupid; I've just fallen a little in love with him, I know.

A clear stream flows down from Mount Hua, destined to mingle with the muddy Yellow River. I found it amusing that the muddy Yellow River was formed by these clear streams; how could it be so muddy then?

I sat by the clear stream, pulled off my shoes and socks, and dipped my toes into the flowing water to savor its clarity and a bone-chilling coolness.

Meanwhile, I was waiting for him.

I could already hear the sound of hooves, light and quick.

Was that him? I had a feeling he wouldn't let me go.

He was already busy enough; what was he going to do to me? Would he…?

My heart pounded uncontrollably again. The coolness turned fiery hot; the stream seemed to boil, and even the wind that stirred the branches felt scorching, threatening to set the trees ablaze, and me ablaze too.

The sound of hooves slowed, "clop, clop," as they approached.

I saw a man and a horse clearly reflected in the stream.

He was dressed in white, clearer than the stream itself. His hand gently brushed aside the hair from his forehead. His eyes were closed, his head bowed, his lips slightly parted, as he savored the caress of the wind and sunlight. His sword was behind him, and an apricot-yellow ribbon fluttered in the wind, brushing against his face, more delicate than a girl's. His white robes billowed in the wind, and he seemed to sway with them, his body agile and graceful, slender and exquisite. The soft ribbons dancing in the wind transformed the sunlight and the stream into uncertain light and shadow. He could vanish with the wind at any moment, never to be caught again.

I gazed at his reflection in the clear stream, pondering the shifting ripples. I couldn't understand it, but I was thrilled. I desperately wanted to see him beyond the stream, so much so, but I seemed to lack the courage to meet his eyes. I felt unable to face him. Why? Was I panicking? Hadn't I been eagerly awaiting this moment?

He squatted down by the clear stream, still not glancing at me, scooping up the clear water to wash away his weariness.

He looked somewhat tired, and he even let out a soft sigh.

That sigh gripped my heart; I desperately wanted to understand the sorrow in his heart.

Surely, a sighing person must be in pain? If I could—I just could, I felt I could.

My muscles twitched; a strange force urged me to go over and comfort him.

But I didn't, and I still don't understand why I didn't go.

Perhaps it was because of that lingering doubt? Perhaps I was waiting for his action? Did he come with a purpose?

"Drink well, is the water sweet?"

He combed the white horse's mane, gently stroking its neck, his face pressed against the horse's shoulder, quietly listening to its heartbeat and breathing, as if I didn't exist.

"Tired? Xue'er. I'm so tired."

His eyes were closed, his long eyelashes trembling slightly, and his lips moved. His hand gently stroked the white horse's mane, soft and elegant; his neck stretched out, slender and graceful, his skin almost translucent in the sunlight and water's shimmering light, a vibrant life force emanating from it.

My greatest courage was simply gazing at him, my greatest courage was imagining myself as that white horse.

His fingers brushed against my skin, would I tremble? I couldn't tremble, that would be so pathetic.

His fingers brushed against my lips, would I tremble? I couldn't tremble, that would be so pathetic. His

fingers brushed against my…

would he? Would he touch me? Even just to hold my hand? His hands were so beautiful, so long and delicate, would they be soft? This was a bit delusional; even the most beautiful hands of a martial artist wouldn't be very soft, those calluses were our pride, and he was no exception, right? His hands would be warm, wouldn't they? It would bring...

If he held my penis, and his hand gently massaged my scrotum, pleasing my testicles, oh, if his fingers slid across my perineum, touching... My God!

If I touched him too, his chest, his belly, his... his ass would definitely be so bouncy, right? What's his... area like? It would be beautiful, wouldn't it? Need I say more!

If... How can there be so many "ifs"? When did you become so prone to "ifs"? Aren't you usually so good at turning "ifs" into reality? How can you be so cowardly in front of him?!

"A beautiful woman, alluring and leisurely, gathers mulberry leaves by a forked road.

The supple branches sway gently, the fallen leaves flutter 　　gracefully.

She rolls up her sleeve, revealing her fair hand, her white wrist adorned with a golden bracelet.

A golden hairpin adorns her head, a jade pendant hangs at her 　　waist. Pearls adorn her jade-like

body, coral interspersed with amber. Her silk robes flutter, her light skirts sway in the wind. Her glances leave a lingering glow, her long sigh is as fragrant as orchids. 　　She walks, then pauses to rest, forgetting to eat. ' May 　　I ask where you live,' she says, 'At the southern end of the city. 　　A brothel overlooks the main road, its high gates heavily guarded. 　　Her beauty shines like the morning sun, who wouldn't admire her face? 　　What does the matchmaker do? Gifts are never readily available. 　　The beauty admires noble virtues, finding a virtuous man is difficult. 　　The crowd clamors in vain, how can they know what she truly desires? 　　In the prime of her life, confined to her chambers, she rises in the middle of the night to sigh deeply.'" 　　He sang softly. 　　His song dispelled all my "what ifs." If this is how it is, if he came only for me, if his song is for me too, without those "what ifs," I think I am very happy. Now he is for me. 　　And I am waiting for him, does he know? 　　"A white horse adorned with golden bridle gallops swiftly northwest. 　　May I ask whose son he is? A chivalrous youth from You and Bing. 　　He left his hometown young, his fame spreading across the desert. 　　He once wielded a fine bow, his arrows of varying quality. 　　He drew the string and pierced the left target, his right shot shattering the Yuezhi. 　　He caught a flying monkey with his hand, and scattered a horse's hooves with his body. 　　His cunning surpassed that of a monkey, his courage and ferocity that of a leopard. 　　The border cities are often in danger, the barbarians frequently migrate. Urgent 　　dispatches arrive from the north, he spurs 　　his horse and ascends the high embankment. He charges into the Xiongnu, glancing left to subdue the Xianbei. 　　He throws himself to the edge of the blade, how can he cherish his life? 　　He disregards even his parents, how can he speak of his children and wife? 　　His name is inscribed in the register of brave warriors, he cannot be swayed by personal feelings. He 　　sacrifices himself for the country's peril, regarding death as returning home." 　　There was a touch of heroism, and a touch of sorrow. I didn't know what he was singing, but I knew what he was longing for. Was that me? 　　He stopped, and suddenly, his gaze finally fell upon me. 　　I saw tears welling up in his clear phoenix eyes. He was no longer proud, no longer cold; he suddenly became somewhat sad, helpless, and vulnerable. 　　Pearl-like tears dripped from those phoenix eyes, rolling down his cheeks, landing on the tips of the grass, and shattering into fragments. 　　What happened to him? Who hurt him like this? Was it me? 　　The pear blossoms fell, laden with rain. When he raised his head again, he gave me a forlorn smile. 　　That smile was especially desolate in the tearful light. He held me tightly. The smile 　　lingered indelibly in the sunlight, even though he had already mounted his white horse, leaving me with that heartbreak, vanishing without a trace…　　　III. The Unbearable Lightness of Being 　　I must reflect, I must reflect. What did I come here for? 　　Youth, unparalleled martial arts skills, money, women, longing in my heart… I have him in my heart. He is everywhere, leaving me nowhere to hide. 　　Strange, why do I miss him more the more I reflect? 　　You can't do this, you really can't. You have... a woman you've hurt, who's waiting for you. Seeing her, weren't you once so passionate? Why is she becoming less and less important to you? Don't you also have a newborn child? They're all waiting for you in the snowy mountains, they all need you. What are you doing here? For fame? For the Nine Yin Manual? For...

What can I do? He's in my heart.

I know, I know it's absurd to love a man like this. I haven't even figured out how he's captured me. I... what can I do? He leaves me nowhere to hide.

Once, twice, three times... I can count the times we've met on my fingers. I... I can't count what he said to me, but...

his white horse, his snow-white robes, his dreamlike blue gown, his fiery passion, his sword, the sadness he left behind as he departed—he's always by my side. He's already captured me completely!

What do you want? How do you want to be with him? Just for that hopeless fate? Just because it's a passion you've never experienced before? Just because...?

What can I do? He's in my heart.

I know, I know it's absurd to love a man like this. Result? Passion? Fate? Can a person really distinguish between what's right and wrong at this point? I don't even know why I came to Mount Hua anymore; I only think about him.

When you have someone in your heart, you can truly forget your worries, yet at the same time, your heart is filled with endless sorrow. That feeling is truly wondrous; can I explain it clearly? I don't know.

The night in Huayin is very quiet; usually, the night is very quiet in a place that isn't very big. Where did the mountain wind come from? It can't help me at all; my heart is still burning, still…

The mad boy told me that we're drinking "Drunken Life, Dreamy Death" today.

"Drunken Life, Dreamy Death"? Drinking it will eliminate all worries? Holy crap!

"That's Cao Zhi's Yuefu poem 'The Beautiful Woman.' 'The supple branches sway gently, the fallen leaves flutter gracefully,' that describes the beautiful scenery of a mulberry grove. This gentle breeze and warm sunshine lead to the beautiful woman below. 'She rolls up her sleeves, revealing her fair hands…' This describes the beauty of the woman—her clothing, appearance, and residence—it speaks of her 'alluring and leisurely' nature. And finally? Finally, it speaks of the woman's waiting. What is she waiting for? She has her own opinions; she 'admires noble character, but finding a virtuous and capable man is difficult,' there's a hint of melancholy here… That's 'The White Horse,' also called 'The Wandering Knight,' it's about a loyal and brave wandering knight-errant, highly skilled in martial arts, willing to sacrifice himself, he…"

After a cup of "Drunken Life, Dreamlike Death," the madman became more talkative.

Today, I wanted to hear his nonsense, to have him unravel the mystery in my heart.

A beautiful woman? He's a man! Is he talking about me? Is he saying I'm…? Or is it actually him? My God! What is he thinking? He knows what I'm thinking!

A white horse? A wandering knight-errant? Who's that? Who is this wandering knight he longs for? Me? No way! Who?

Finding an answer might not be enough, really.

The madman is playing the flute again.

I have to go; I can't stand that jade flute today, and I don't want to wander alone in the wilderness.

"Drunken life, dreamlike death" is useless! The night wind blows, and the effects of the alcohol keep rising, making me want to vomit, and my legs are a little unsteady, damn it!

The night in Huayin is quite busy today! There's no moon, everything is a blur, but there are night travelers, flying around.

"Qiu Qianren, someone like you wants to participate in the Mount Hua Sword Tournament?"

My ears buzzed; it was him, his cold and proud voice not far away. I rubbed my eyes hard. He was in the middle of the street, his clothes fluttering in the wind, his hair wandering, and with it, the undying divine light. He stood very straight, tall and handsome. His appearance was always so different; he was both a ghost in the night and a sword. He wore that dreamlike blue robe, blending into the night, and surrounded me.

The Mount Hua Sword Tournament? Was he here for this gathering too? He…?

Opposite him was a short man, short but strong; his brown cloak seemed unable to conceal his solid muscles, giving off a sense of impending explosion.

Qiu Qianren? What? That ugly monster?

Qiu Qianren's appearance was quite interesting; such a contrast made him stand out so much.

The fight began; the two figures clashed.

Qiu Qianren's palm technique was powerful and fierce, possessing a overwhelming force.

And him? He remained graceful and agile.

Fighting against an opponent like Qiu Qianren, I didn't need to worry about him.

Was he only busy for the Mount Hua Sword Tournament? I thought.

Was he here to cause trouble? Does he dislike others attending this Mount Hua Sword Tournament? What's he up to? He's a mystery.

I feel like I can't take it anymore; I don't want to think about what he's up to. What he does to me doesn't matter, but he never does anything to me. Am I just ignored by him like that? Go ahead and do whatever you want to me, even with your sword, I just want you to come for me.

I've thought about taking the initiative to find him, but just thinking about it doesn't give me the courage to act. I don't dare. Maybe I'm afraid that if I take the initiative, even this little bit of affection between us will disappear. I can't.

He's so high and mighty, almost untouchable.

But I want him so badly; this longing makes my blood boil, my passion burn like fire. I need him. Just thinking about him makes me burn with desire; the feeling is too...

There's a dense bamboo forest, with a familiar rustling sound.

I don't like bamboo, not because I dislike its majestic appearance and greenness, but because I dislike its empty belly. I don't like emptiness.

But I love the bamboo forest, because it holds things I love. They have no thoughts, or perhaps they do, who knows? Their eyes are indifferent, their bodies are like water.

The night wind makes the bamboo sway, the rustling sound growing louder.

They've come, summoned by me, they obey me.

They look at me, bowing at my feet.

I love this feeling, this feeling of absolute dominance isn't bad, I need them.

The night wind lifts my clothes, my white clothes haven't been washed in a while, a little dirty. I used to be intolerant of that, but now it's just like that, I don't care to clean it up.

I loosen my belt and stand in the wind, slowly taking off my clothes, letting the wind soothe my restless skin and body, I can feel that bone-chilling relaxation.

I see my shoulders, broad, beautiful deltoids, beautiful trapezius muscles, beautiful… How great my pectoral muscles are, I make them move, and they move; my abs, those two evenly distributed, spirited little things, how powerful!

Am I completely unattractive?

I unzip my pants, letting them slip to my feet.

A cool shiver ran down my spine as I slipped down, raising goosebumps.

I stared at the thing I was so proud of amidst the tangled pubic hair below my abdomen; it was slowly raising its head, pointing towards the sky.

Was I completely unattractive?

He was here, before my eyes, in my heart.

He was carefully admiring my body, a burning intensity flickering in his gaze.

I felt a little shy; I really did feel shy in his presence. I gently turned away, sideways, and covered my unsightly member with my hand.

Why is it considered uncivilized? This is a man, isn't it? Who called it uncivilized? Damn! Is this the source of my shyness? It seems so. Even I, when I'm shy, immediately cover myself up.

I'm not shy, I'm just a little flustered. My heart is pounding wildly, my breathing is pumping uncontrollably, my skin is changing, my muscles are twitching, my… what's in my hand is swelling, I'm waiting for him.

He didn't speak, his appearance was blurry, only his eyes, clearer than moonlight, remained, his eyes caressing my back, my shoulders.

He came over, bringing his body heat. Why doesn't he have body heat? Well, not entirely, but not warm. When he brushed against my skin, it brought a tingling sensation, but also a sticky feeling. What's going on?

I didn't have time to figure it out; my brain was too numb to think. I leaned against the bamboo, breathing heavily, hunching my back, trying to stop my weak muscles from twitching, trying to calm myself down. But it wasn't that I wanted to calm down; how wonderful this burning feeling was!

His breath was on the back of my neck! His hand was on my shoulder! His cheek was… was rubbing against my face! His hair swept across my face in the wind! His lips touched my earlobe!

How wonderful his lips were—warm and delicate, moist and soft, tender yet intense. Oh! His tongue, nimble, moist, and mischievous.

His lips nibbled at my earlobe, slowly tracing its contours, along with his playful tongue.

So itchy! That itch pierced my heart, relentlessly assaulting me; the tingling, the panic, mixed with a tremor, swirled and surged through my body along my spine.

His hand slipped behind me, gently caressing my chest, carefully, then with increasing pressure, stirring my heartbeat. At the same time, his fingernail grazed my nipple, and the inescapable panic made my pectoral muscles twitch—not because I wanted to, but because he wanted me to, and I obeyed.

His other hand traced my abdomen, meticulously picking at each muscle.

Oh! His fingers brushed past my navel, sending a tingling sensation that shot through my throat, or perhaps my tongue? My mouth involuntarily opened, wanting to cry out, so wanting to scream. His

hand slid across my lower abdomen, and finally… oh! He was fiddling with my pubic hair, pulling, but it didn't hurt at all. Perhaps it did hurt, but that pain was tempered by fervor, becoming stimulating. His fingernail seemed to accidentally graz my penis; I gasped and flinched, but the scrape was so stimulating that my penis involuntarily twitched, stretching even more.

He began kissing my face, my neck, my chin; his hands left my chest, he caressed my navel; his hands no longer hesitated, he cupped my penis in his palms, those palms were so soft and warm; his kneading left a shiver on the glans, and the shiver rose upwards, carrying a soreness, then flew over my pounding heart, guiding the spasms from all directions, passing through my throat, stirring my tongue, and then forming a swirling vortex in my head, enveloping me. I felt so light, floating without support, as if I were flying, he was carrying me… His hands cradled my scrotum, kneading it. My testicles received warmth, received comfort, and experienced a completely new kind of wonder! His fingertips scraped my perineum, his fingertips scraped my… He was carefully examining those textures…

I involuntarily convulsed, what I had imagined became reality at this moment, I just hadn't expected it to be so intense. He made me moan "Oh, oh," a sound I never expected, never before. But it felt so good!

His lips moved, his tongue leaving a cool sensation on my neck, then landing on my shoulder, sliding, exploring my shoulder blade. It gathered in the groove between my backs, flowing down my spine, savoring me bit by bit, causing my muscles to twist and twitch. He licked my lower back—so sore, so itchy! His… his lips finally touched my buttocks. He gave a suck, then opened his cherry lips and left a stinging sensation on my buttocks with his pearly teeth. Oh! He came, his tongue probing into the crevice of my buttocks.

I involuntarily contracted my buttocks, clamping that nimble tongue between them. His warm breath flowed through my buttocks, and I relaxed my muscles again—it felt so good. His tongue came over, he enveloped it with his lips, then gently pressed the tip of his tongue against the soft folds of flesh. He swirled it, and I cried out, actively arching my back and opening my mouth…

I wanted him so badly! I wanted him right now! I knew what pleasure felt like, how pleasurable ejaculation was, I couldn't take it anymore! I wondered, should I bring myself pleasure first, or should I bring him pleasure first? I didn't know, I had no experience with this, what should I do? I'd rather be led by him, but I really wanted it.

He made me turn around, he gazed at my penis, his fingers deftly peeled back my foreskin, revealing the bright red glans, then his lips landed on my glans, giving it a kiss, a crisp "smack"… His cherry lips parted, forming a strange "O" shape.

I watched, watching my glans disappear into those tender lips, as he opened them. Oh, it was a cool sensation. His saliva moistened my flames, and his tongue entwined around me. The tip of his tongue flicked through the shy crevice between my glans, then returned, and then he spread his tongue and pressed it down. His lips tightly enveloped my penis, sucking. My belly was protruding, my face and body were covered in sweat. My body hair felt like it was about to fall out with the sweat, but I didn't care. I wanted this, I wanted to continue, to explode at that moment.

His head moved, his lips and tongue moved too. He swallowed and exhaled, his hands circled around, cupped my buttocks, and kneaded them. His fingertips lingered in the crevice of my buttocks. He teased my anus, he was arousing me, completely…

I leaned tightly against the bamboo, letting it press against my face, greedily taking in everything. My body was trembling, uncontrollably, but it felt good. I felt like I was bound, bound tightly by that swirling pleasure. I was so soft, so light, as if I could be blown away by the wind at any moment. Was that his doing?

I'm coming! Don't leave me! How can I live without you? You…

When I reached out to embrace him, there was nothing.

My body was still writhing, the friction soothing my aching muscles, the indifferent limbs comforting me. My left hand was still on his penis, wet and sticky. I had already climaxed, my body still convulsing slightly, exhausted. A

cool breeze blew on my face, bamboo leaves swayed before my eyes, and through the gaps in the bamboo leaves was the deep, unfathomable night.

He wasn't beside me; I had just fallen into another reverie.

A boundless feeling of loss and emptiness enveloped me. The climax seemed to have fueled these maddening emotions, tearing me apart.

I can't live without him! I know that all too well.

When did I become so passive? Was I waiting for him to grant my desires? Hadn't I always faced my desires with courage? Including the impulse in the snow mountain. The impulse in the snow mountain? What was that? Stop thinking about other things, figure out what's in front of me first! Yes, why am I so timid in front of him? I have no more worries; I want to be with him. Why should I just sit here waiting for him to grant my wish? Aren't you the sharpest blade sent to earth by heaven? Why are you timid?!

"Hey, what are you doing?"

A voice! My God! Who is it?

I followed the sound and saw a beggar sitting on the ground rubbing his feet. His eyes were so bright, he was so unkempt, but so smug. I've seen him before.

He saw it? He must have seen it! He knows my secret! He has to die!

I pulled the snakes off my body and sat up. I wiped the sweat from my face, trying to clear away the turmoil in my heart. I looked at him, expressionless.

This is how I act when I want to kill. I know the easiest way is to strike when the opponent is unprepared. If I'm too aggressive, the opponent will be on guard, making it much more difficult—it's an assassin's instinct.

But I couldn't control my emotions. His gaze seemed curious; he brazenly examined my body, and he even laughed. What the hell is he laughing at? Is it funny? He's mocking me? Then he deserves to die even more!

"What did you see?"

I tilted my head back, stretched comfortably, and closed my eyes.

"Oh? You're quite frank. How's it going, comfortable?"

He chuckled, pulling his hand away from rubbing my feet to pick his nose, even wiggling his toes towards me, looking quite enthusiastic.

"Not bad."

I found my pants, slowly pulled them on, then found my shoes, carefully tying the laces, and re-binding my leg wraps. I wasn't in a hurry to put on a shirt; I could kill someone shirtless.

"Thinking about women?"

He looked at me with interest, still chuckling, but his eyes were a little different.

"Actually, when I think about women, I also... hehe~ They're all men, nothing special."

"What's your name?"

The leg wraps were almost finished, but almost wasn't enough; they had to be meticulous.

"My name is Hong Qi. What about you?"

I ignored him, focusing only on binding my leg wraps and regulating my internal energy.

Hong Qi? Right, my destined star. It seems I'll never forget that name, maybe never. He's still alive now, so I couldn't kill him back then.

"You're not much of a talker?"

Hong Qi had already rambled on for a while, as if he were sharing his masturbation experiences with me.

He seemed to be saying that a woman had caught his attention, and he couldn't forget her, but he didn't have the courage to face her, which was very distressing.

Your damn distress is different from mine, and I don't like listening to your rambling. You'll be free of distress soon, because you're going to die. My leg wraps are ready, come on.

I stood up and casually whistled, letting my snakes quietly move over and surround Hong Qi. Then I squatted down, as if looking for something, but I was actually practicing my "Toad Kung Fu." Of course, I had to go all out. This Hong Qi was one of Lin Chaoying's favorites, and he was also here to participate in the Mount Hua Sword Tournament, and...

"Oh, where did all these snakes come from? Tsk tsk, these bamboo vipers taste pretty good, brother, want to try some?"

Hong Qi was also nonchalant. He seemed quite interested in the snakes, but he pretended to be scared as he stood up, seemingly glancing at me unintentionally.

I made my move…

How did that fight end? I can’t quite remember. I couldn’t kill him; it’s a pain in my heart. No matter what, I hate him.

“I’ve heard that the Duan family of Tiannan’s One-Finger Divine Skill is unparalleled. Seeing it today, it truly lives up to its reputation.”

Lin Chaoying’s clear voice echoed from the courtyard of Jinglin Temple. My heart pounded again, and I involuntarily quickened my pace.

“Brother Lin’s swordsmanship is unique and truly a rare gem in the martial arts world. Duan Zhixing has also had his eyes opened today. Brother Lin’s lightness skill seems to be from the Langhuan Elegant Residence in Luoyang, but as for this swordsmanship, forgive my poor eyesight, I really don’t know where it comes from.”

He chuckled as he withdrew his hand from rubbing his feet and picked his nose, even wiggling his toes at me, looking quite excited.

“Not bad.”

I found my pants, slowly put them on, then found my shoes, carefully tied the shoelaces, and re-tied my leg wraps. I wasn’t in a hurry to put on my shirt; I could kill someone shirtless.

"Thinking about women?"

He looked at me with interest, still grinning, but his eyes were a little different.

"Actually, when I think about women, I also... hehe~ they're all men, nothing special."

"What's your name?"

The leg bindings were almost done, but "almost" wasn't enough; they had to be perfect.

"My name is Hong Qi. What about you?"

I ignored him, focusing only on binding my legs and regulating my internal energy.

Hong Qi? Right, my destined star. It seems I'll never forget that name, maybe never. He's still alive now, so I couldn't kill him back then.

"You don't talk much?"

Hong Qi had already rambled on for a while, as if he were sharing his masturbation experiences with me.

He seemed to be saying that he was captivated by a woman, unable to forget her, but lacking the courage to face her, so distressed.

Your damn distress is different from mine, and I don't like listening to your rambling. You'll soon be free of distress because you're going to die. My leg bindings are finished, come on.

I stood up and casually whistled, signaling my snakes to quietly surround Hong Qi. Then I crouched down, seemingly searching for something, but I was actually practicing my "Toad Kung Fu." Of course, I had to go all out. Hong Qi was one of Lin Chaoying's favorites, and he was also there to participate in the Mount Hua Sword Tournament, and...

"Oh, where did all these snakes come from? Tsk tsk, these bamboo vipers taste pretty good, brother, want to try some?"

Hong Qi was also nonchalant; he seemed quite interested in the snakes, but he pretended to be afraid as he stood up, glancing at me seemingly unintentionally.

I made my move...

How did that fight end? I can't quite remember. I couldn't kill him; this was a pain in my heart. No matter what, I hated him.

"I've heard that the Duan family of Tiannan's One-Finger Divine Skill is unparalleled. Seeing it today, it truly lives up to its reputation."

Lin Chaoying's clear voice echoed from the courtyard of Jinglin Temple, and my heart pounded again. I involuntarily quickened my pace.

"Brother Lin's swordsmanship is truly unique, a rare gem in the martial arts world. Duan Zhixing has also had his eyes opened today. Brother Lin's lightness skill seems to be from the elegant Langhuan Residence in Luoyang, but as for this swordsmanship, forgive my poor eyesight, I really don't know where it comes from."

It turned out that the fiery young man was named Duan Zhixing, a master from the Duan family of Tiannan.

"This swordsmanship is something I came up with myself for fun. In Brother Duan's eyes, it's laughable."

"Not at all, not at all, Brother Lin is a great talent, I truly admire him. Although this swordsmanship is still somewhat immature, the ingenuity within is truly rare, and he will surely become a master of swordsmanship in the future."

"Brother Duan, you flatter me, you've spoiled me."

His gaze swept lightly over me, who was standing in front of the temple gate, seemingly without lingering, but a mysterious smile appeared on his face.

Was that for me? What did it mean? I stood there, stunned.

"I also have a rather interesting palm technique, which I've named 'Heavenly Net Style.' I wonder if Brother Duan would be interested in sparring with it?"

"Excellent!"

Duan Zhixing's eyes gleamed with excitement, as if the new martial arts technique was the most important thing to him.

Lin Chaoying was gone; the night was already deep.

I couldn't control myself anymore; I chased after her.

She rode her white horse at a slow pace, as if surveying the pitch-black night.

I followed, I just followed. Countless times I wanted to stop her, yet countless times I suppressed the urge.

What should I say? That I wanted to be with her? Would that be too audacious?

If only something happened! Like, if she encountered some danger, I could appear at her most critical moment, making her remember me. But that doesn't seem right. Her martial arts are very high, though not as good as mine, or even the beggar's or Duan Zhixing's, but still quite strong. She rarely encounters danger in the martial world.

Was she bitten by a snake? That might be a good idea. But that's probably risky too. How could someone with her martial arts be bitten by a snake? Right, her horse! Her horse doesn't know martial arts. Isn't that a bit despicable? Just to get him to speak kindly to me, I... what did I do? Otherwise, I worried he would just disappear from my life; he really seemed to ignore me. I couldn't tolerate being ignored, especially by him, so I did it! I couldn't betray myself!

Summoning the snake wasn't difficult; I had many methods, I was ready.

He stopped, disrupting my plans.

"What are you doing, sneaking around following me?" He smiled, turning his face towards me from his horse.

All my plans were ruined, my mind was a mess, and all I could do was gasp for breath. I looked at him, my ears ringing, my limbs weak, and my body trembling. I looked so pathetic, but I couldn't help it, not at all. That ethereal light shone on me; he was smiling at me, his gaze so gentle.

"Do you like sneaking around like this? Don't forget, you're a hero."

A hero? My God! That was his assessment of me, more important than ten thousand taels of gold, more priceless jade, more important than any praise! I felt so light, so airy. I gasped for breath, and uncontrollably walked towards him, like a puppet controlled by him. I wished it were this way.

"What's wrong? Your face is so red."

He stopped smiling, dismounted from his white horse, and, for the first time, focused his gaze intently on me—on my face, in my eyes. For the first time, I was reflected in his pupils.

My mouth was dry, I was panting heavily, and my chest heaved violently.

Closer, closer, I couldn't get any closer, or I would offend him. He seemed a little displeased with my closeness and stopped.

"You like me?"

he suddenly asked.

Like a thunderbolt, like lightning—where does lightning come from on a clear night? Really, I wasn't lying; it felt like I'd been struck. My eyes couldn't leave his smiling phoenix eyes, his playful cherry lips, the faint smile still lingering at the corners of his mouth, or the dimple on his left cheek that had me captivated. They were all mine! He knew I liked him! Oh my god! What should I do? What should I say? Where should I put my hands?

He stopped smiling and looked at me curiously again, a little worried.

"Are you sad?"

Am I sad? I just feel like I can't breathe, my head is spinning, and all I can hear is "You like me? You like me? You like..." Am I sad? I just feel numb and tingly in my limbs, my blood is rushing around, making me want to float away, so light. Am I sad? Not at all! I feel so happy being next to him! Am I sad? A little. I was just thinking of some naughty idea, I was just thinking of disrespecting him. If I had known he understood me this well, I... I really regret it.

"Silly girl, I'm ignoring you, I'm leaving."

His divine light flickered, a smile playing on his lips and eyes. Those mesmerizing dimples made my heart flutter again. He left with a radiant, slightly reproachful smile. His hand gripped the bridle, his foot braced in the stirrups. He was about to...

my entire body tensed, and I leaped forward. I don't know where the courage came from, but I grabbed him tightly from behind...

I can't describe the feeling; my vision and mind went blank, only the feeling in my arms...

I collapsed. I ignored his martial arts skills, and I ignored his purity. I was helpless. His elbow strikes and whirling kicks instantly left several marks on my ribs and forehead. I was already dazed; I hadn't even thought to resist. Before him, I was defenseless.

"I'll kill you!"

His eyebrows shot up, his face flushed crimson, his gaze unfocused. Besides anger, there was a hint of shyness, a touch of panic. His lips trembled, his jaw... He held the sword, but he didn't seem to have become the sword-like phantom of the night.

Death? I hadn't thought about it. But dying by his sword, I had. That scene was in my wild fantasies; I was frantically out of control. I had offended him, and he had become the sword, freeing me from my longing. Would it hurt? I didn't know.

Since mastering martial arts, I'd forgotten what injury felt like, let alone the feeling of a sword piercing my body. Maybe it would feel cool? That was possible. I felt my blood was burning too hot, almost unbearable.

"Aren't you afraid of death?"

His sword hesitated, his gaze unfocused.

"Can't you say something! Are you mute?!"

He threw the sword on the ground, turned around, stamped his foot, covered his face with his hands, his shoulders trembling.

What was wrong with him? Why did his voice change? Why did he suddenly lose his chivalrous demeanor? He…? But none of that matters, I must do as he says.

“Kill me, killing me won’t change the fact that I love you.”

Finally said it, it feels so good! I was so excited I almost fainted, really.
IV. Willing to Do It for You

I thought I saw her again, I thought.

She looked a bit like her, her expression was a bit like hers.

My mind was racing, my heart was soaring, my breath… everything was so clear, as if I had returned to that time, a time machine carrying me back to my past to find myself. I was like that in the past, I could love, I could be infatuated, I could be troubled, I could… why am I only left with troubles now?

The leaping flames illuminated my face, flickering in my eyes.

The wind was still there, the rain was still there, the dilapidated temple was still there.

But the people in front of me were different, they were young.

Their youth was truly enviable, so enviable it almost drove me crazy. How wonderful it is to be young, so intense and carefree, even if you make a mistake, you can still make amends, because there is time to make amends. Time is a luxury for young people, but can it truly make up for lost time? No.

The proud young girl's eyes grew increasingly sorrowful as she stared intently at Lu Zhanyuan, whose face was taut with emotion.

That gaze... I knew it so well, so intense yet so helpless, filled with expectation, waiting, and resentment...

The young woman named Yuanzhi was hidden behind Lu Zhanyuan's tall, imposing figure. What was she thinking?

A flicker of panic crossed Lu Zhanyuan's eyes. He stood between Yuanzhi and the young girl, his brow furrowed. He avoided looking at the girl, his voice trembling with tension.

"Zhanyuan, you left me for her?"

Tears welled in the girl's eyes. She bit her lip tightly, trying to control her grief, but her nose was red, her face pale, her lips twitching, and her eyes seemed about to break.

"Mochou... love is gone, affection is gone, our fate is over, you should know that. Lu Zhanyuan, you're just a rough man, you're not worthy of me..."

"Is that so? Love is gone, affection is truly gone, our fate is over, over?"

The girl lowered her head, swayed, and reached out to hold onto a nearby pillar, pressing her head against the back of her hand, as if seeking support.

A moment later.

The girl raised her head, her eyebrows arched, her gaze fixed intently on Lu Zhanyuan, letting the tears fall, scatter, and shatter.

"In what way am I inferior to her? You say I'm not as beautiful as He Yuanzhi? My figure isn't as good as hers? My martial arts skills aren't as good as hers? My heart for you..."

"Mo Chou!" Lu Zhanyuan lowered his head deeply, his body trembling violently. "Yuanzhi is indeed inferior to you in every way, and I am inferior to her in every way, I..."

"Hahaha~" The little girl laughed, her laughter tinged with tears, mixed with the mournful sounds of wind and rain, capable of piercing one's heart.

"Mo Chou, don't hurt yourself like this." Lu Zhanyuan involuntarily took a step forward, but when he landed, he trembled and straightened his body, his hands clenched into fists.

He Yuanzhi's hand reached out, stopping in mid-air. She didn't grab Lu Zhanyuan's clothes, and her tears slid down her cheeks.

Who else had this story happened to? Who? I held my head and tried desperately to remember, but I couldn't recall at all, but I knew I had seen such a thing before, I really had! It was this relative helplessness.

Damn fate! Who set this rule? How much is fate worth per pound? Huh? Can someone tell me? I like her, why can't we be together? Why? Damn it! Did I hurt her? Or did she hurt me? Is it necessary to find that answer? Won't finding it make me feel even worse? Maybe, I've had that experience.

"You like me?"

Who? Who's talking to me? Why does that voice sound so familiar? I'll never forget that voice.

Where am I? Where?

Where's the wind? It's still there, but why isn't it so cold anymore?

Where did the rain go? Where's the dilapidated temple? It's collapsed?

What happened to me?

Who's standing in front of me? That night-like green robe, those astonished eyes, that face still retaining traces of shyness and embarrassment, the sword lying at my feet, cold as water.

Where's that little girl named Mo Chou? Where are Lu Zhanyuan and He Yuanzhi?

I'm back, it's the girl from my dreams, she's now a man who has me completely under her thumb. It's so good to see her again.

"I like him."

These words came from my mouth, and I didn't know my voice could be so low and resolute. It turns out that expressing one's true feelings takes a lot of courage; the strength is focused on the decision, hence the low, resolute tone. It

really takes a lot of courage. He's stood before me, in my heart, for so long. He's dressed in a flowing blue robe, with unparalleled elegance and charm—a truly handsome young man. And me? I've thought about him for so long, and the worst part is that I'm… I'm also a man.

I know saying this is a shocking thing. A man liking another man—isn't that a dream? But what can I do? I like him, and I don't want to deceive myself. I miss him; I've longed for his kisses, his touch, and countless times I've wanted to touch his body… I can't deceive myself, and I can't deceive him. What will happen if I tell him? What if he rejects me? I don't know if anyone else can replace him in my heart.

Actually, it can be replaced. The passion in your heart changes with time and circumstances. Everything will be forgotten, not forgotten, but faded. I have this experience.

Passion can also be crushed by external pressure: contempt, misunderstanding, estrangement from friends, hatred from relatives. After experiencing too much, you'll even think you've done something against the natural order and feel guilty. I have this experience.

But I can't control myself. I don't want to think about the future. I have to face myself honestly now. I like him, that's right. I want to touch him, I want to be with him, that's all right, that's what I feel.

I thought it, I said it, what's wrong with that? Who said I was wrong? What I do is none of your business! God? Damn God, come down here and have a good fight with me! You use your Five Finger Mountain, I'll use my flames, let's have a good fight! Damn it! You think I'm afraid of you? You're afraid of me, aren't you?! Pah! Does it matter who's afraid of whom? The important thing is that I can't deceive myself.

When I said it, I felt incredibly courageous, both lighter and heavier. I knew I had to bear the consequences of my words, including the punishment, and I was prepared.

He stared intently into my eyes, as if in disbelief.

I wasn't afraid at all; this was the first time I'd faced him so openly. His eyes—he was so beautiful. He had ignited my fire, and I needed him to extinguish it, to put it out.

His eyes held me, and mine surely held him too. He had been dancing in my heart for so long, so very long… I was about to lose control!

My worst fears hadn't come true; he hadn't mocked me. He was so kind!

He was just a little panicked; his eyes were darting around, his lips moved as if he didn't know what to say, his chest heaved, he breathed heavily, trying to avoid the flames I had burned within him. Was he afraid of me?

I was determined; my eyes must have been burning, my lips moved, unsure what to say, my chest heaving, I breathed heavily, trying to capture his elusive heart. I wanted him!

"Don't come any closer!"

His hand braced against my chest, his other hand supporting his forehead. He closed his eyes, turning his face away, a strand of soft hair sliding down to obscure half his cheek. He was trying to hide inside, becoming hazy, dreamlike, uncertain.

I grabbed his hand, afraid he would slip away again. His hand was so soft, but a little cold. Would it warm up? With my body heat.

He panicked, trying to pull his hand away.

I wouldn't let go, letting his hand rest on my heart, letting him know how pounding my heart was, all for him.

"Let go! Let go! Let me go!"

His face flushed red; he couldn't look me in the eye, he just struggled to break free.

"See, I'm real."

I stubbornly held his hand to my chest.

His left palm chopped down, striking my shoulder.

What's wrong with me? Why does half of my body suddenly feel numb? The scenery before my eyes seems to be changing? Am I falling? Are my fingers slipping from his hand? Is his hand really that smooth? It is quite smooth, slippery, soft, but not slippery. This is the first time I've touched his skin, his hand…

"No...no!" He grabbed the saddle and leaped onto his horse, biting his lip. He didn't dare look at me, only glancing at me out of the corner of his eye. "You? You..." His gaze fell upon me; he saw me lying stiffly on the ground.

I lay there, staring intently at him, motionless. I wasn't injured, but my heart was broken; he was rejecting me. His rejection fueled my burning desire even more. I couldn't control my lust anymore; I wanted it now, regardless of his wishes! Yes! I'd do it. I thought I could do it; I'd seen how others did it, so it shouldn't be a problem. I'd just be gentle.

I didn't move because I wanted to succeed quickly. Although he was a little flustered, he was, after all, a highly skilled martial artist. If a fight broke out, who knew when it would end? An irreparable rift would appear between us. I planned to ambush him, provided he didn't leave immediately.

He didn't leave; he sat on his horse, somewhat bewildered. I couldn't quite decipher his emotions. He seemed troubled, angry, and at the same time, somewhat concerned about me. His gaze was unfocused.

"Hey, are you really done for?" He dismounted. "It can't be that bad, can it? I just...did I go too far? You can't mess with me like that." He saw my face suddenly turn red, my chest and abdomen heaving violently, and my eyes filled with pain. He was a little nervous. He knew his internal energy was special, and that palm strike had used seven-tenths of his power. Could he really have injured me? His hand came over to check my pulse...

I sat up, my thoughts turning incredibly frantic, but seeing his chaotic eyes, I really couldn't bear to touch him.

I couldn't hear what he was saying. He was trying very hard to speak to me. I saw his lips moving, and I saw his face was very red. He was anxious and angry, but he couldn't move. My

acupressure technique is special; no matter how high one's martial arts skills are, someone who doesn't know the trick can't release their acupressure points on their own. He was already in my hands; the fact was right before my eyes. I can't let someone bump into me on this main road; it would be so embarrassing. It's the middle of the night, no one's around, and I can't wait any longer. But this is still bad; there are so many small stones on this road, it'll definitely hurt. Right, I'll go to the woods over there; the grass there looks quite soft.

I reached out and lifted him by the back of his legs, supporting his neck with one hand, and carried him horizontally. He's so light and soft; his legs… through the fabric of his pants, I could feel the softness of his legs. The sensation on my fingertips was different; they were definitely soft, even though his legs were firm. This contact made my breathing and heartbeat quicken exponentially. My God! How many times! I want to fulfill my dream. When I masturbate, he's all I think about. Now…

do I really have to do this? Do I really have to hurt him? He's stopped talking, and he doesn't look at me. His head is drooping back, his body is unresponsive. I hear something softly falling, splashing onto the yellow earth of the road. His neck stretched out, turning crimson, so supple, the veins on it visible, pulsating. His jaw twitched, his hands hung limply, he was so fragile. Was I really going to do that? Was I going to satisfy my desires on him? I wanted it so badly, so badly! I couldn't control myself, I couldn't help it! My penis was already erect, my body was already in a state of arousal. What other way was there to get him? I had no other way.

I let him lean against a tree trunk, I let him into my arms, I pressed my body against his. Oh! This body is so soft! My hands were on his back, my hands anxiously caressing his body, I felt the resistance, and a feeling more wonderful than I had imagined. I… He was crying, just silently crying. His gaze was empty and unfocused, his face was so cold, his lips were stubbornly closed, his lips were so cold too, and there was that troubled trembling… Ah! Ah—what should I do!

"You're the devil," his voice coldly reminded me in my ear.

I froze. Yes, this wasn't the first time someone had said that to me.

I remembered that summer, I remembered her… After I left her body, she seemed a little dazed.

There was a long silence, I felt like an eternity.

The lingering ecstasy and exhaustion in my body were still there, my heart was in turmoil, and I was so controlled by my infatuation that I violated the goddess in my heart. I violated her, but it was wonderful. How wonderful? I can't say for sure.

But at that moment, throughout that entire process, I broke free in my struggle. I had no scruples, no constraints. I was happy, crazy, and intoxicated. I savored her tender skin, her warmth, the slightly salty liquid, her tears, her saliva, her fluids, and the passion ignited by my wildness, and her struggle. It was wonderful. I could also feel my struggle. Every inch of that tender skin I touched felt like a crime.

I feel no guilt for what I did, but it seems everyone thinks I've committed a crime, and even I'm starting to believe it myself. She probably thinks so too; she seems to be the wife of a man with whom I have a very intimate relationship, it seems so. A wife should be faithful; it seems to be a matter of course, and it certainly is.

But I can't help being attracted to her; I can't control my desire for her. I want her; only then can I be happy. She doesn't seem to have truly escaped my burning passion either; she just… she also forgot something and broke free in that moment, but she woke up a little earlier than me, and her expression was crying and regret.

Seeing her tears, my heart broke a little too. I was happy, but I shattered something she had always upheld; I hurt her?

I went over and let her lean on my shoulder. She resisted at first, but immediately pressed her cool body against my chest, letting my arms encircle her.

"I'll take responsibility for what I've done..."

"No!" She broke free in a panic, reaching out to cover my lips, her eyes pleading, "Please, second brother, don't..."

Don't what? I can't remember. We seemed to be discussing a very serious topic, the center of which seemed to be a man.

"Then, don't blame yourself, I'll leave, I'll take the blame."

I put on my clothes. I couldn't bear her pain. I felt my existence was a mistake; I had disturbed her life, hurt her, so I should leave.

"No!" She lunged at me and hugged my legs, "Don't leave me, second brother."

I was confused. My existence caused both of us pain, so why wouldn't she let me leave?

"Don't go, I can't betray him, but I can't live without you either, I need you."

Is that so? Why are you so contradictory? You've made me very contradictory too. How are we supposed to continue our days?

How are we spending them? It seems like a very exciting time, we're trying every possible way to find a gap. Yes, that's it. We were like mice hiding in the dark, unable to see the light. We pretended to hide it all the time, but the moment that man wasn't around, or when his gaze wasn't on us, my hand and her hand, my body and her body, were intertwined. "We must share the sin," she said. The more she said it, the more I believed her. I believed it was a sin, but I suddenly discovered that committing a crime was a truly exhilarating feeling, incredibly exhilarating.

There's a shadow, but that shadow seems to fascinate me. My heart is burdened, burdened by that shadow, so I try to find a way to escape its pursuit: sex, blood, money, desire. Heh heh~ Funny, isn't it? She's the same. She's the first, and perhaps only, woman I've ever met who, beneath her pristine, ethereal beauty, harbors desire and dares to confront it. Her courage makes it impossible for me to refuse. Actually, it was this naive, arrogant boy of mine who brought out her courage, but she didn't run away, so she's very important to me.

A devil, I'm a devil, that's what she said. She's the first person to say that about me. She said I frighten her, yet she can't abandon me. Why? She didn't tell me.

He said the same about me, and I haven't even… I'm still struggling, and I've already become a devil?

What am I struggling with? I'm not quite sure. My desires are urging me on, my heart is pitying him, and a voice in my head is trying to summon me back, to stop me from going too crazy, but I can't control myself. I'm turning my back on the life under the spotlight; it seems I'd rather seek out the darkness.

Is liking a boy the same as seeking out the darkness? I don't know. Is wanting to rape him the same as seeking out the darkness? I can't understand! He's so attractive to me, I have nowhere to hide. In the meantime, to relieve my sexual desire, I went to brothels, I sought out prostitutes, but my mind was only on him; sex became boring, really.

In the meantime, to relieve my sexual desire, I masturbated, and I also used familiar snakes to entwine my body. The process was very addictive, but afterwards I felt so empty. Now, he's right in front of me, I can do whatever I want with him, how can I…?

Am I a devil? If I stubbornly persist, will he do the same thing as her? That's possible; I have experience with it.

I cupped his face in my hands, gazing at him. The feeling in my hands was wonderful; I could feel his tense trembling, see the panic in his eyes, and taste his flustered attempts to escape.

I moved closer and gently licked his cheek, starting softly from his forehead, then his eyebrows.

Oh, I love his proud eyebrows so much; now, those slightly slanted brows left an unforgettable sensation on my tongue, bringing a slightly astringent taste.

Oh, I love his eyes so much, those proud, bright phoenix eyes. His eyelids were moving gently, his pupils were moving, and his eyelashes were moving too! I gently held his eyelashes in my mouth and adorned them with my tongue, tenderly caressing his restless, rolling pupils.

Oh, I love his straight nose so much; his nostrils were flaring nervously, and the tip of his nose was cool and refreshing. I enveloped his small, delicate nose with my lips, gently licking it with my tongue, then licking his nostrils.

I could clearly feel his breathing quicken. He seemed to have given up resistance; his eyelids were lowered, his lips moved, and his breath became hot.

Oh, I loved his lips so much—so soft and moist. I sucked on his upper lip, savoring it thoroughly, gently holding it between my teeth and licking it. When I released it, his upper lip snapped back, and I saw that intoxicating crimson. His disordered eyes flickered slightly, a little eerie. What was he thinking? I couldn't care less; I went to his lower lip.

My hand felt the smoothness and trembling of his skin, and that wondrous tenderness. My hand trembled, sliding across his cheek, afraid to apply too much pressure. I was worried that if I used too much force, I would hurt him; he was just so tender.

As my hands moved, his lips began to move as well. He seemed to be accepting my kiss, and my tongue pried open his teeth… I could hear his breathing, smell his sweet, warm scent, hear our heartbeats, and even hear the sound of our skin rubbing together, the sound of our pores opening. My hand slid down to

his neck, and I could clearly feel his pulse, his softness. His neck was so slender, and the pulse was so wonderful. His neck was getting warm, so warm.

I heard the strange sound of his throat moving, the murmurs gathering at the tip of his nose, and I tasted his sweet, cool saliva. I caught his tongue.

Oh, this tongue is so fragrant and tender! He was still trying to dodge, but he couldn't. My tongue followed, finding the root of his tongue, then licking along it, then teasing it…

“Hmm~” His murmur finally came out, his tongue finally yielded, his lips no longer stubbornly resisting. It seemed he was returning my kiss!

His breath was warm, his cheeks were hot, his body… His gaze instantly became hazy and unfocused, yet also intense.

My hand was on his shoulder, and another hand slipped inside his collar. I felt his delicate skin, felt that slight tremor.

Suddenly, he began to resist, with all his might, he bit me!

Pain!

I covered my mouth, I simply couldn't face him. I came to my senses, the pain extinguished my desire, but I was unwilling to give up.

Strangely, he seemed to be thinking about something, he was thinking very seriously.

The night wind was cool, leaving a jumble of noise as it swept through the treetops. The forest at night was mysterious, full of dark shadows, making one worry that a terrifying hand might reach out from somewhere and snatch someone away.

The night sky was lively, the clouds swirling and changing shape at will. The moon wandered among the clouds, hiding itself, and darkness descended. Shyly, it peeked out, leaving behind a sliver of bashful, alluring light, as if secretly peeking at something embarrassing happening on earth. She giggled sweetly, then hid again, but couldn't resist peeking out from behind the clouds once more…

A white horse grazed leisurely outside the forest, occasionally peering curiously into the woods with its pure, clear eyes. A nocturnal animal darted through the treetops, startling the roosting birds, who began to chatter…

“What do you want—”

Lin Chaoying suddenly shouted at me with all his might. His cherry lips still bore the rosy hue of our passionate kiss, his pearly teeth gleamed in the occasional glimpses of moonlight, his phoenix eyes were tightly closed, his brows were furrowed, and his nose…

“I want you!”

I didn’t hesitate, but my tongue was bitten, making my words a little hesitant. My eyes showed no doubt.

"Please, let me go, we can't be together."

Tears streamed down his face. His vulnerability and fragility were so...

I was stunned. It wasn't the first time I'd seen him cry, but I never expected him to cry like a little girl. He made me want to protect him, to hug him, but I didn't want to hurt him.

"I really like you. You can see my heart if you want."

I couldn't control myself. I couldn't let him suffer anymore, I couldn't. I went over and released his pressure points, then ripped open my clothes, exposing my chest. My heart was pounding, "thump, thump..." It was mine...

He covered his face and slowly slumped down the tree trunk, sobbing. Oh no

, oh no! My heart sank, I was completely lost. I was at a loss. This was all my fault. I hurt him. I hated myself. I wanted to wipe away his tears, but I didn't have the right. I was despicable, disgusting, I... Where was his sword? Give it to him, let him stab me to death!

I burst into tears, then found a tree and banged my head against the trunk. My head is fucking tough; it didn't seem to bother me much. Oh, a little scrape, some blood, but it didn't hurt much, and the blood actually felt quite nice flowing out. I'm such a fucking idiot!

"Hey! Hey!" he called from behind, throwing something on the back of my neck.

He was still teary-eyed, but his clear eyes seemed less sad. He looked at me, seemingly curious, even though I was still sobbing and my nose was red.

"You bullied me, why are you crying?"

Amidst the pitiful scene of my tearful tears, he strangely revealed a bright and dazzling smile.

I was stunned. Yeah, why the hell am I crying? Regret? Seeing that strange smile, I felt none at all; now I felt even more regret.

"Don't come any closer!"

He panicked, quickly curling himself into a ball, forgetting his martial arts prowess. He even gripped his collar tightly, his legs clamped together, like a frightened little girl. His eyes...

I was a little dizzy; my usually bright eyes were completely clouded. This was the perfect time for someone to kill me. I knelt down with a thud, not even knowing what I was doing.

He just stared at me curiously, motionless.

For a long time.

"Disgusting? You hate me, don't you?" I wanted to say something. I couldn't look at him; his expression shifted and changed unpredictably. I couldn't understand him.

"Yes."

"But I really can't control myself. That's just how I am... I like you, I want you, I'm going crazy thinking about you. I think despicably... I can't control myself..." Was I rambling a bit?

"I know," he replied calmly, without looking at me. His face was hidden between his knees; even a god couldn't know what he was thinking.

"You know?" I knelt up straight, staring intently at him, trying to see into the deepest part of his phoenix eyes. I simply couldn't believe it. What did he mean?

"Today, I'm here to seduce you, to seduce you, to use me."

"Huh?" I felt like my head was about to explode.

I'm not stupid. I've fallen in love with him, I know. I also know that he seems to have something going on with those idiots who participated in the Mount Hua Sword Tournament, but I didn't know he was here to seduce me, to use me. My God! He knows everything, even the deepest infatuation I have for him.

My God! I like boys, and he knows! What am I going to do? What's the panic? With your current behavior, doesn't everyone know you like a boy? So what if you like him? What the hell are you panicking about? Well, I guess I can't say that. Besides him, I don't think I have any feelings for other boys. Like that incredibly handsome, arrogant guy. I spent a lot of time with him, but I never said I wanted to kiss him. I just like the one in front of me. Does that mean if I like one person, I can't like another? It's so complicated! How did I get into such a mess?

I'm not stupid, I just fell in love with him. I don't know if I'm stupid or not.

He raised his head, not looking at me, just staring blankly into the empty space. He stood there, stunned, his left hand supporting his cheek, tears still on his face.

I froze too. I couldn't resist admiring the beauty before me. He was like clear crystal… Yes, crystal. Gorgeous, elegant, transparent, and mysterious at the same time. My knowledge has grown again… What lies behind his purity? I have a rough idea, but I don't want to be sure. I'd rather he stay like this, like crystal in my heart.

Suddenly, he covered his face again and started sobbing. He

really is crystal, yet he's also easily hurt.

But I really can't figure him out. He seems to be able to control his emotions at will, crying when he wants to cry, laughing when he wants to laugh. I can't do it. I can't even remember how many times I've cried today. I don't think I've laughed much either. I think a man should be able to control himself. I was just so remorseful for acting so pathetically, and I genuinely felt sorry for him. But... but, I can't avoid him anymore. I've discovered that he's someone who shines brighter the closer you get—his mystery, his stubbornness, his versatility, his strange motives, and his current vulnerability. My God! I feel hopeless!

V. Shocking Change

"I'm ready, come here."

Lin Chaoying adjusted his emotions to a completely new state in a short moment. He turned slightly to the side, dabbed the tears from the corners of his eyes with his sleeve, and then...

the moon just then cast a wisp of light over him, illuminating the wisp dancing in the wind. The wisp scattered the light, flickering on his face, a play of light and shadow, ever-changing. His shoulders looked so thin in the moonlight, as did his neck, and the glint of light he cast over me from the corner of his eye. He seemed like a completely different person all of a sudden. He was alluring, yet also enigmatic…

He was better? Better in what way? Yes, he stopped sobbing, the tears had stopped flowing. He seemed to have made a very important decision…

to send me over? To what? Could it be…? I felt incredibly excited, almost unbearably so.

But I truly didn't understand; my emotions couldn't shift as quickly as his. I could only stare blankly at Lin Chaoying, dreamlike in the moonlight.

His brow furrowed slightly, he sighed softly, and then he looked at me with a gaze that ignited all my passion; his eyes seemed to mingle with the moonlight.

I understood. I almost lost control.

He was there, waiting for me.

Closer, approaching.

My hand froze in mid-air, only a short distance from his cheek, I could even feel his body temperature, I could even feel the movement of his skin.

He must know, right? His eyelids closed, slowly, his eyelashes covering the last glimmer of light left for me, leaving only… a blush on his cheeks, his face relaxed, beautiful, breathtakingly gorgeous! I looked at his lips, moist and slightly moving.

So close, I could feel his warm breath on my fingertips, his breath brushing against the back of my hand, bringing a surge of panic. I could smell his faint, subtle fragrance; he definitely had that subtle, almost imperceptible scent, I knew.

His jaw twitched, his neck seemed uneasy, and I could see his slight trembling. I could see his chest heaving more and more violently as my fingers approached, his shoulders seemed to shrink involuntarily, his hands gripped the grass tightly, his legs pressed tightly together, guarding him…

My hand froze in mid-air, only a short distance from his cheek, I hesitated. Was this real? It was real, he was waiting for me. He really…? Stop overthinking! Didn't you willingly let him seduce you? Yes, I did. Actually, I'd already been tempted for a while now; I was just waiting for this moment. That moment has arrived. He didn't scorn my insane desires; he'd already agreed with me through his eyes.

Agreed with what? Agreed to journey with me on the path to overcoming my inner demons. He was ready to use his body to quell my burning desire. He was waiting for me; what was there to hesitate about? Although I'd never done it before, I'd seen it done, so I should know how; and I'd thought about it constantly, imagined it countless times with him. What was there to hesitate about? He was just a hair's breadth away.

He waited quietly, waiting for my touch. I think that's what he was waiting for.

His cheeks began to relax, filled with warmth, despite the lingering tear stains. I didn't care about the tear stains; I felt they were important. Amidst his delicate beauty and charm, those tear stains added a captivating weariness to his appearance. This weariness was important, and it fit the current situation perfectly. He must also be struggling...

He was getting a little anxious. He knew my fingers were very close to him, but why hadn't he touched them? His eyelashes fluttered a few times, his brows furrowed a few times, and his eyelids peeked open a little. He saw my sparkling gaze.

"What's wrong?"

His lips moved, his voice becoming soft and light, as if he weren't even beside me. His eyes shimmered in the moonlight, and his lips parted, actually capturing my fingers. His hand reached out and gently supported my wrist.

The coolness, the warmth, the soft lips, and his ever-changing, shimmering light. I shuddered, a tingling sensation spreading rapidly, yet seemingly slowly, throughout my body. My ears were ringing, my head was spinning, my skin felt endlessly swelling, my muscles and nerves responding to his sucking—he was really sucking my finger! My heart was pounding wildly, crashing against my chest, and… his eyelashes fluttered,

his lips moved, his teeth touched my finger, and his tongue… he was…

I didn't know if it was real, I couldn't tell at all. I knew that crazy thoughts were swirling and racing through my body, and I couldn't control myself anymore, I wanted it! I gasped for breath, feeling my body swaying, because he seemed to be becoming less clear, leaving only his eyes, his lips, and the sensation spreading from my fingertips, a cool current slowly growing from there, itchy! Itchy to my core, disrupting everything!

The scenery before my eyes seemed to blur, yet so clear.

As the wind blew, his hair came undone, and his clothes seemed to unfurl as well. Moonlight shone on his shoulders, his translucent skin reflecting the moon's glow, mirroring my face and my eyes. I stared, mesmerized by the fantastical lines—his shoulders, his arms, his chest… My heart pounded, his chest opening towards me, telling me he wanted me too… his belly, his… He turned around. His

back was truly beautiful; though somewhat slender, its lines were smooth and elegant; his waist, his hips, his legs… Wow! What should I do? Didn't I know what to do?

"What's wrong?" His voice floated softly in my ear again.

His breath brushed against my nose, his lips parted from my fingers, a thin thread connecting my fingertips to his cherry lips glistening in the moonlight. His eyes held a shy, alluring quality, and something I didn't know. The blush on his cheeks was dreamlike. His lips, I could still see the delicate tip of his tongue…

I lunged forward, using all my courage and strength to push him down, to press him against me, and then… our lips intertwined, our tongues intertwined, my skin rubbing together with a soft, rustling sound, the air burning hot, and he burning hot too.

He was only startled for a moment, his hands encircling me, running down the back of my neck and into my hair. My hair bun came undone, his fingers freely weaving through it, massaging my head. He pressed my head firmly against his face so that our lips were completely closed.

My tongue swirled, catching his tongue, and I sucked on it, gently holding it with my teeth, licking it with my tongue, sucking hard, we exchanging saliva, oblivious.

My body pressed against the body beneath me, his body was so soft, so warm. His legs were a little disoriented, but he didn't pull away. My body was burning, melting me. His body seemed to be burning too, that flame enveloping me. Where were my hands? Why does his body feel so different to the touch, so tender?

My hand felt a warm, soft sensation between his waist and ribs. Oh, his waist is so slender, and his hips… Hmm? This feeling seems a little familiar? He's just more elastic and more delicate. Is this just my imagination? My hand wandered, gliding, trembling, and I touched his leg, his thigh. His leg twitched slightly, shaking a little.

So soft! It feels so different from touching my own legs. Even through his pants, I could feel the smooth, glistening texture and the delicate softness. My hand touched his buttocks! I felt his muscles twitch, but it was still that delicate, tender texture, and that wonderful elasticity. He…?

I propped myself up, panting as I gazed at him.

He was panting, his gaze scattered to the side. He hesitated for a moment, then bit his lower lip, turning his head to the side, his chest heaving violently… His hair had come undone, his long, smooth, black hair cascading down, a strand swept by the wind, casting shifting light and shadow on his slender, jade-like face… I saw a small, indistinct hole in his delicate earlobe.

What was happening? Chaos! Had this mad infatuation truly, truly blinded me? I'm not stupid! If I were, why would my martial arts skills be so high? If I were stupid, why could I become the most dangerous assassin in the Western Regions, even the entire world? I'm still stupid! What has blinded me? Is fate playing a cruel joke on me? I don't regret it at all. In fact, this is a gift to me, and it has also soothed my almost completely twisted madness. I…! My head felt a sudden relaxation, and even my body seemed to relax. This was completely unexpected, although I wasn't afraid of my inner panic; after all, I was a little flustered. Now, I don't need to panic anymore. I've fallen in love with such a wonderful girl; her name is Lin Chaoying.

Is it true? The answer—I desperately need this answer!

My hand rested on her chest, and her body trembled violently. She looked at me in alarm, her hand flashing as she grabbed my wrist.

What's happening? What is that? It's flat, but it's not a physical sensation. What is it?

Her eyelids slowly closed, her hand still gently holding my wrist. She turned her face away, lying there obediently. Only her chest heaved more violently; I could almost hear her rapid heartbeat. She tried hard to control her breathing, biting her lip tightly.

I can't describe the feeling I had at that moment. It was a mix of ecstasy and disappointment, perhaps both, but what I felt most clearly was a sense of relaxed joy, a pity in my heart, and an even stronger longing. She was the one I'd been waiting for; I felt it was her. Why was I so irresistibly drawn to her? I still couldn't figure it out. It couldn't just be her looks, could it? She was beautiful, but not the kind of beauty that could instantly capture my heart with her stunning looks. And besides, I've always… I'm so foolish! Was it because of her pride? Her exceptional talent? It didn't seem like that. So what was it? I couldn't figure it out; the more I thought about it, the more confused I became. Really, this must be fate, right? I was captivated for no reason. It seemed like that.

She glanced at me again furtively, then immediately looked away. Perhaps my expression was too strange; she looked at me again, and with such curiosity.

The frenzied impulse transformed into tenderness in that moment. Truly, I felt as if I were immersed in warm, soothing water; I became so much more clear-headed, so much gentler.

I leaned down and pressed myself against her again, my lips landing on her forehead, a gentle kiss. My lips glided across her forehead, landing on her eyelashes, my tongue lightly licking her delicate eyelids, feeling the movement of her pupils. Then, I traced down the bridge of her nose, gently cupping the tip and softly biting it…

"Uh," she hummed softly, her eyelashes, now damp from my touch, fluttering open as she looked at me, puzzled. She seemed to have calmed down a bit; she sensed my change.

I gently cupped her face, pressing her cheeks flat with my palms. And so, perhaps the most handsome Pigsy in the world was born—her lips involuntarily pursed.

I kissed her, tracing her lips.

She seemed to tremble; her hands were on my waist, gently stroking my back, her hands shaking too. Her gaze seemed to change, becoming slightly panicked, and a little troubled.

I could accept any change in her now; I loved those changes that captivated me, I loved them.

I smiled gently, kissing her lips tenderly, involuntarily closing my eyes, quietly savoring her.

The tenderness lasted only a brief moment; I hadn't expected her to initiate it. Actually, I really wanted to just enjoy this blissful feeling.

Suddenly, she pulled away from me.

"Hurry up! Stop being so wishy-washy, isn't that what you men are supposed to do?"

She pushed me away, sat up, and started loosening her belt, preventing me from seeing her face.

What was happening? I didn't understand. At the same time, her actions were truly unbelievable.

A very unsettling feeling washed over me, as if a bucket of cold water had been poured over me from head to toe; all warmth and desire seemed to vanish in an instant. A chill lingered in my heart.

What was she doing? Was she humiliating me? No, she was simply completing something she considered important. Tonight, she was the protagonist, and I was merely a pitiful little character blinded by love. Sex with me was just one step in her process, wasn't it? How strange, why did my mind suddenly clear? Actually, I had already thought of this, hadn't I? I just didn't want to think about it. Now, she was simply revealing the mystery I didn't want to accept, wasn't she?

I felt so cold, so cold that I was shivering. I was also a little scared, really, afraid I couldn't accept it.

What was wrong with me? When she was a boy, I could tolerate anything he did to me; now that I know she's a girl, why am I like this?

She turned her back, deftly removing her crumpled blue robe, carefully smoothing it with her hands, then meticulously folding it and placing it aside. Underneath the blue robe was a moon-white jacket, made of the finest, soft and smooth fabric. The jacket swayed in the wind, making the graceful lines of her shoulders, arms, back, and waist both clear and hazy, delicate and elegant. She hesitated only for a moment, then, as if in a huff, went to unbutton the jacket again…

“It’s alright. Whatever you want to do, whatever you want me to do for you, I’ll do it.”

I looked away, no longer looking at her. I rubbed my face hard, feeling that my body was indeed withdrawing from that state. A game, the word popped into my head. I felt that she was indeed playing a game, exploiting our weaknesses. She could have easily exploited my weaknesses, but something seemed to have gone wrong; she seemed flustered.

She stopped, paused, turned, and stared at me intently, looking somewhat panicked.

"Really,"

I said, looking up at the moon, which had disappeared behind the clouds again—or rather, the night sky and the indistinct clouds.

"I'm serious, even now, I haven't changed. I like you."

I truly was serious; I knew my own heart and couldn't lie to myself. If there were stars, she would be the one I wanted. I thought this feeling would lessen once I cleared my head, but no, it only intensified.

Physical desires seemed unimportant; I just wanted to cherish her and make her happy. This feeling was new to me; it was truly the first time. Before, I would act impulsively out of infatuation, recklessly seeking satisfaction—that's what I did.

But now it seems different. I think I understand that happiness doesn't just come from one's own feelings, but also from the person you love. Her happiness is just as important. Now, she's willing to strip naked and make love to me, but that's part of her plan, and she probably won't truly find pleasure. So…

“What did you say?” She seemed disbelieving, and hadn't quite heard me.

“No need for that. I like you too.”

“Uh.” She swayed, as if about to fall, but quickly regained her balance. Her brows were tightly furrowed, as if she were pondering something truly difficult, something she couldn't understand. She was trembling.

I unbuttoned my robe, went over, and opened it, letting her hide inside.

“No, no!” She ripped off the robe and threw it aside.

Looking at her delicate body and her troubled expression, I didn't know how to comfort her.

“You're after the Nine Yin Manual, aren't you? I can help you.”

I thought that was probably her reason; none of her actions were without purpose. A martial artist is indeed unable to resist the allure of miraculous martial arts, and I'm no exception. Lin Chaoying must be after the Nine Yin Manual, right? Or perhaps she wants to become the best in the world? That must be the highest honor a girl practicing martial arts could achieve. Did she love honor that much?

She raised her head, staring intently at me, as if in disbelief.

I picked up the robe and draped it over her again, then sat down beside her, smoothing my hair and smiling at her.

"I had everything planned out perfectly, why did you have to interfere!"

Lin Chaoying suddenly became agitated, her palm striking.

"I'll kill you!"

Was this palm technique? Was this a move? It seemed like she was just randomly hitting me. I casually dissected it. A plan? You did a good job, didn't you? Where did I interfere? Not having sex with you counts as interference? Didn't I already promise you?

She fell into my arms, panting.

I stiffened slightly; my hand was still a little distance from her shoulder, but I didn't know if I should just hold her in my arms like that.

"Do you think I'm crazy?" Lin Chaoying's voice trembled as she pressed her face against my chest, her hands on my shoulders, her hair brushing against my face, tickling me.

I felt so good; at that moment, tenderness rekindled within me. I didn't hesitate any longer; I grasped her shoulders and hugged her tightly.

"No."

Her shoulders were so delicate, and she was so delicate. What was she trying to do? I didn't care. Her courage had captivated me; I knew it.

"No?" Tears welled in her eyes as she looked timidly into mine.

"Yes, I wasn't just trying to comfort you." I withdrew my left hand and gently wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes.

"You, you…" Her breathing quickened, her gaze became unsteady, she trembled, her expression changed, becoming troubled, and she struggled in my arms. "…You devil! Let me go! I don't want to be like this with you!" Her voice rose, and she pushed me away even harder.

I let go of her hand; I knew she must be very distressed. What was causing that distress? I really wanted to get rid of all her distress.

She took a few steps back, clutching my robe tightly around herself. She stared at me, biting her lip, tears streaming silently down her face like broken pearls.

I gazed at her. I didn't know how much pain she was in, but I knew this girl was deeply wounded, and I wanted to heal her. Could I? I thought I could.

"Get out! Get out—" she shouted at me with her last ounce of strength.

Why did she resist me so much? Was my existence an obstacle? Why couldn't I let her wounded heart rest on my chest? Didn't you know I could heal you? Didn't you know…? I stared into her eyes, now hazy and empty, filled only with fear. Truly fearful eyes. What was she afraid of? Me? Or herself?

"Get out—"

I took my first step, preparing to follow her in the shadows. At least for now, I had to disappear from her sight; otherwise, I feared she would break down.

Behind me, I heard a trembling voice and her rapid breathing. I could feel her gaze fixed on my back, like a burning flame engulfing her.

I took a second step…

and her voice rang out as she called my name.

The sound of light footsteps and her cold hands filled the air. She grabbed my arm from behind, pressing her body against my back.

“Don’t leave me alone, let me lean on you a little longer.”

She gripped me tightly, her nails seeming to pierce my underwear, then my skin, and then… her tears soaked a large patch of my back, her helpless trembling and sobs echoing. She bit down hard on a piece of my vest, holding on tightly.

I felt dizzy. This time it was real. This was the first time we had been so close, not just physically, but emotionally. I clearly felt that dependence, and I wanted to protect her. What was this feeling? How could it be so intoxicating! In that moment, I felt no distance between us, we melted together. I whirled around and pulled her into a tight embrace, not caring that my clothes were torn at the back.

"I won't abandon you."

Her body went limp, as if boneless.

The morning bell of Jinglin Temple rang precisely on time, its sound carrying far and wide, heavy like a sledgehammer striking my eardrums.

The morning light shone through the paper windows, brightening the room and making the air seem fresher.

I opened my eyes, struggling to wipe the drool from the corner of my mouth, and then, with a sharp crack, felt a sharp, aching pain in my neck. Damn it

! Another stiff neck! That doesn't feel good.

My muscles and bones all seem to ache constantly. Is it because of my sleeping position? It certainly is. I've been sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning against it, half-asleep for most of the night. This position is definitely uncomfortable.

My gaze fell on Lin Chaoying's face, still fast asleep, and my heart skipped a beat.

She slept soundly, lying on her side with her cheek resting on her arm. The troubled emotions had vanished from her face; she slept like a child. Her bright cheeks were rosy, and a sweet smile lingered at the corners of her mouth. Her neck was so beautiful, what was it like? I couldn't describe it. Her sleeves were rolled up high, exposing her slender forearms, wrists, and hands. In the morning light, her delicate skin seemed almost translucent, as if I could truly see the wondrous movements beneath…

I cupped my chin, staring at her in a daze, wishing it could stay like this forever.

She stirred, a strand of hair obscuring her face. I reached out and gently brushed the hair away, revealing her face to me completely.

"You've been keeping watch all night?" Her eyelids didn't move; she seemed not to be awake, but her tone was indeed very calm, and her voice…

I was a little surprised, unsure how to respond.

She turned over, pulled the blanket tighter around herself, and remained motionless.

A moment later.

The blanket stirred, and she pulled her hand out from under it, carefully touching her head and face a few times.

"I'm getting up, you..."

Her voice was soft, as if she had lost her composure.

"Get up, I like looking at you."

"No."

I ignored her and just stood by the bed.

"Get out!"

She was a little anxious, sitting up, turning her face, staring at me with a sharp gaze, her eyebrows raised.

My heart pounded, my vision blurred, and I couldn't refuse her like this.

"Don't think that just because you're nice to me you can do whatever you want! Get out! I need to pee!"

I couldn't believe my ears, did she really say that?

The streets of Huayin were different today than usual. Actually, nothing was different, except for me. I finally...

When Lin Chaoying came out of the old Huayin inn where she lived, she was still a dashing and elegant young man, except she was wearing a black shirt.

This was even more incredible. She was already fair-skinned and beautiful, and now... well, she really was...

I held my teacup for ages, unable to say "really." I felt like my eyes were about to pop out. And what happened to my pants? Damn it! Tea had spilled down the table and onto my pants!

Lin Chaoying glanced at me, smiled faintly, and sat down beside me, not looking at me, but unable to suppress a soft chuckle.

I coughed, put down my teacup, and tried to act as if nothing had happened, sitting upright and composed.

"Let's chat here. I need to dry my pants before moving, cough."

I said in a very low voice, giving Lin Chaoying an almost pleading look that seemed to go unnoticed. Besides, my face was a little red, I knew.

She looked at me.

I grinned. I understood the cunning in her eyes. Was she figuring out how to embarrass me? To match her blue dress, I was wearing a royal blue robe today, which was quite conspicuous when wet, especially in that area.

"Okay," she smiled at me, "shopkeeper, tea, please."

...

I quickly realized that the tea made my stomach bloated, and I kept wanting to urinate.

But I remained calm, and my internal energy was superb; I...why did I still feel the urge to urinate?

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