A story about ethics and humanity

Word count: 53,000.
This is a story about ethics and humanity, which most people may not understand, or even despise, the protagonist of. But his joy and pain are also beyond people's comprehension. I tell this story in the first person because, like many others, I want to enter the protagonist's inner world to explore...
I am thirty-two years old this year, living in a quiet seaside town, working in a public institution, with a gentle and virtuous wife and a smart and lovely son. In the eyes of ordinary people, we should be a very happy family of three. But I often suffer from a deep pain that I cannot tell others. In fact, sometimes it can be said to be the greatest joy of my life.
Speaking of my joy, I must mention my mother, who was once beautiful and elegant, but has gradually lost her radiance due to the passage of time. The woman in the picture is irreplaceable in my heart. My story began because of her…
Twelve years ago, on a long, boring summer afternoon when I was twenty, the cicadas were chirping incessantly, making me restless. I tossed and turned in my bed, having had enough of this summer vacation I had been looking forward to day and night, and I was already counting down the days until school started.
My father was the vice president of a large company, and he had been working at the Shenzhen branch for over a year, constantly traveling domestically and internationally, only able to come home during the Spring Festival. I was an only child, without any siblings, and my introverted personality meant I had very few friends. It was alright at school, but when I got home, I found my language skills were gradually deteriorating. At that moment, I really wanted to find something to smash, or someone to fight
. Oh, and you're probably wondering, what about your mother? Doesn't she talk to you? Yes, I do have a mother, but when we're together, we only talk briefly when we're eating face-to-face, or when we're watching TV. She wants to watch soap operas while I want to watch sports, so we argue a bit and then we rarely talk. She has her own circle of friends, and I have my own things to do.
This home has lost its meaning for me. I often think that way! I was lying in bed, thinking about what preparations I should make before going back to school. Suddenly, the door opened, and it was my mother. "You've been home all day, doing nothing!" she complained again. I didn't want to argue; I was too lazy to say anything. But I still glanced at my mother. That one glance changed my life forever. Even today,
my mother was wearing a very thin nightgown. She had probably just come back from shopping; it was too hot, so she took a shower. Her wet hair was dripping water, droplets falling from the tips of her hair to her snow-white neck, then down her neck to her chest. The silk nightgown clung tightly to her soft breasts.
Keep in mind, my mother was wearing the nightgown without a bra. I was a little lost in thought. My mother seemed to realize something and immediately turned away, but she still said, "Don't just lie there all the time, go out for some fresh air. Go to the supermarket and buy the groceries for dinner!" Then she left my room.
Actually, everyone who knows my mother thinks she's a great beauty. ↓ (Photo of her in her youth) She used to hang in the window of a photo studio and even had her picture taken for calendars—the old-fashioned kind, of course. Now she's middle-aged, but time seems unable to diminish her innate elegance and beauty.
I think my father pursued her because of her beauty, even though he, a former soldier, has never admitted it. But in my opinion, it should have been my father who pursued my mother. My actions just now were probably also due to being attracted by my mother's beauty.
A woman's body is a huge temptation for a young, vigorous man. It's strange, really. In college, although many girls took the initiative to throw themselves at me, I never accepted them. So my friends often say to me: "It's a pity your parents gave you such a tall figure and a handsome face; what a waste!" Some even think I might be gay. There are just too many rumors like that. I know I'm not interested in men, but I don't know why I'm not interested in young girls either.
But... but today, my mother's body gave me that kind of impulse for the first time. This thought flashed through my mind, but it really startled me. I pretended to turn over and lazily replied to my mother, "Ugh! I don't want to go grocery shopping, I want to sleep!"
After turning around, I couldn't calm myself down at all. All I could see was my mother standing in front of me, her wet hair, her snow-white neck, her breasts that were barely visible... What's wrong with me? What's going on?
That night, I felt nothing at all during dinner; I wasn't hungry or full. My eyes kept sneaking glances at my mother. I was also unusually "obedient" that night, not fighting with her for the TV, and went to my room early to "sleep."
I don't know if my mother was feeling the same way, unable to calm herself down. That night, my thoughts were chaotic. Thinking of my mother brought on a strong physical reaction. I realized that this was how unreleased feelings could manifest; it wasn't something that could be resolved by smashing things or hitting people.
For the first time, I had sexual urges, albeit directed at my mother. The intense physical sensations completely overwhelmed my sense of shame and morality. At that moment, I had only one thought: Mom, I need you so much! Most people would think, "How could this be? Your impulse came too quickly." Actually, I wasn't quite sure what happened either, but it just happened.
The morning sun was particularly dazzling, and I woke up in that blinding sunlight. I hadn't slept well at all the night before, but after waking up, I told myself: "It's nothing, it's all over, don't think about it, haha..."
My mother was already awake, had prepared breakfast, and was calling me to get up. I kept telling myself nothing had happened, but when I opened the door and greeted my mother again, that masculine urge once more surged through me. I tried my best to control myself, not to think, not to think...
"Mom, I'm going out to play basketball this morning, and I'm going swimming at the beach at noon. Don't wait for me for lunch!" Actually, these were all excuses, just to minimize my contact with my mother alone.
"Okay, then be careful..." I didn't hear what my mother said after that, and I ran out of the house as if escaping.
Of all the sports, my favorite is basketball. I remember in high school, I would participate in every basketball game between classes. There were always some girls screaming outside the court, I don't know why. I guess my height is due to basketball.
Those guys played basketball with me for half the summer. After we were drenched in sweat, we went to the sea for a good, crazy swim. Using physical exhaustion to drive away mental frustration was quite effective. Swimming at noon means getting sunburned. Skin soaked in the cold quickly turns brown after being exposed to the sun.
After vigorous exercise, I was so hungry! I rushed into the house and went straight to the kitchen. Hunger made me forget everything except food. Why was there nothing left for me? I rummaged through drawers and cupboards.
"Mom, is there anything to eat? I'm starving!"
"..."
"Mom..."
My mother didn't respond, so I went into her room to ask. Of course, when I opened her door, she was already asleep. My intuition told me I shouldn't come in, but my subconscious compelled me to walk to her sleeping side.
At that moment, she looked like a child in my eyes, and I especially wanted to protect her. My father was away most of the year, and I only came back during holidays. My mother was all alone at home, guarding this big house. For a woman in her forties, it must be very difficult, and her status forced her to always appear content and happy in front of outsiders. But it was all an act, I knew!
I slowly approached my mother, and my hand couldn't help but touch her fluffy, curly hair. It was so soft. My mother moved slightly, and I was startled, quickly pulling my hand back and tiptoeing out of the room.
In the bathroom, I fiercely washed myself with water. Why couldn't I forget? You are her son, she is your mother. What you did was worse than an animal! *Slap! Slap!* I slapped myself twice, the sound particularly jarring amidst the running water. But for some reason, although I tried my best to restrain myself, I couldn't control my legs. As if possessed, I walked into my mother's room again…
I gently approached her, my mind blank. My mother slept so peacefully, like a baby—something I had never noticed before. Lying before me was no longer the mother who gave me life and raised me, but a woman I could never truly possess.
My fingers traced her cheek; it was so delicate and smooth, as if time had been exceptionally kind to her. My breathing quickened, and my hands began to tremble. When I quietly touched my lips to my mother's face, I gasped heavily. The noise startled my mother awake.
"Xiaobing, what are you doing?" My mother stared at me with wide, surprised eyes,
and I stared back with wide, terrified eyes. Countless people had commented on how similar our eyes were, but no one had imagined that even in moments of shock, we would look at each other so alike.
"I...I...Mom..." I stammered, at a loss for words
. My mother probably realized what I was about to do and struggled to get up, but the overwhelming urge made me frantically push her down, holding her tightly. I couldn't conquer or persuade her with words, so I could only force her with my body.
"Mom, promise me, I love you, I need you, I can't control myself, Mom, please..."
"Little soldier, do you know what you're doing? I'm your mother!" The mother could only plead with her son, but her beastly son wouldn't listen to any advice.
"I know, you need it too. Please, I can't take it anymore, Mom, Mom..."
Although he had just showered, he was now burning with desire, unable to distinguish between water and sweat. He could only feel liquid dripping down his cheeks. His mother looked at him with tearful eyes, and he looked back at her with eyes burning with lust.
Thinking back, he might not have been himself anymore; primal animalistic instincts had overtaken his entire consciousness. He frantically kissed his mother's forehead, lips, neck, chest... Perhaps afraid the neighbors would hear, or perhaps because she hadn't received male affection in a long time, her words changed from scolding to gentle reproach, and her body changed from a strong struggle to a response to my actions.
Our lips were wetly pressed together, our tongues sometimes intertwined, sometimes stirring wantonly in each other's mouths. After all, it was a young body, strong and elastic, gleaming with a healthy glow in the sunlight. Although her angular face still had a slight childishness, it was already beginning to exude a masculine aura. All of this was a great temptation for my mother.
I knew that although she didn't want to do it, her instincts made it impossible for her to resist the strong physical demands of someone like me. Her hands, like they were grasping at a straw, were on my back. I scratched wildly, occasionally a sharp pain would pass by, but for some reason, this pain only excited me more.
I can't remember exactly how it happened, but when I realized what I was doing, my mother and I were already entangled together, completely naked. My instinct was to immediately find that place I had seen countless times in pornographic videos, but at that time I had no idea how to find it. Seeing my mother looking at me with longing eyes made me even more helpless. I could only press myself against my mother, drenched in sweat, looking at her with pleading eyes.
Suddenly, a smile appeared on my mother's face that surprised me. I felt my mother gently lift me up, and then… "Ah," so this is what it feels like. Words can't describe it.
I couldn't help but groan. My mother responded, excitedly calling my name, "Xiaobing..." My mother's body was so warm. I dared not move; I felt that if I moved, I would lose this wonderful feeling.
"Xiaobing, move a little, Mommy begs you to move a little..." My mother suddenly lost her usual composure, strongly demanding that I move.
"Oh, oh," I looked at my mother's excited expression and frantically began to move my body. But before my mother could enjoy the most pleasurable moment, I had already completed my virginity as a man. The excitement at the end made my body tremble uncontrollably, and I hugged my mother tightly, wanting to crush her...
"Mom, I love you, I love you more than ever!" I gasped, but the pleasure I had just experienced still controlled my brain, even my words were controlled by my excited body. My mother hugged me tenderly, and her son's performance as a man also allowed her to taste the wonder of being a woman.
"Xiaobing, do you know what you were doing just now?"
"..."
"The place you just went to is the place you used to be.
" "..."
"Hehe, you're still confused. What you just did can be described as 'revisiting familiar places'!"
"Hehe!" No matter what, I was still very embarrassed. On the contrary, my mother's performance was completely different from the beginning.
In fact, most men's first time ends like this, without any taste. But it was this tasteless lovemaking that led me to establish a very subtle mother-son relationship with my mother.
Perhaps due to excessive excitement, coupled with exercising all morning, I quickly fell asleep. When I woke up, my mother had already prepared dinner. It seemed that she had boiled crab. The aroma immediately filled my nostrils, and my brain made my saliva secrete uncontrollably. The hunger that
had been replaced by excitement earlier attacked me again. I ran into the kitchen in my slippers and saw my mother's back as she cooked dinner. Recalling everything that had just happened, the happiness that I had never realized I had always had was right in front of me.
"Mom!" I suddenly hugged my mother's waist from behind. I gripped her shoulder tightly with my chin and started to whine to my mother like a child
, "Oh dear, you scared me to death! When did you wake up?" Perhaps my movements were too sudden, because I startled her.
"I was hungry, I came by the smell, it looks like crabs, right?" I looked around, my nose still searching for the source of the aroma.
"Oh dear, you silly child, why did you come here naked? Go back and get dressed! Really!"
I then realized I had gotten up in such a hurry and wasn't wearing anything. Heh, if my mother had seen my body before, I would have been incredibly ashamed. But now I could show my most genuine side to her, even if it was in this way. I stuck out my tongue and made a face. The more my mother urged me, the more leisurely I became as I slowly walked back to my room. In just one afternoon, I was amazed by my own transformation!
After dinner, we didn't have another TV battle. Just as it was getting dark, my mother and I once again threw ourselves into each other's arms, our bodies pounding wildly.
My mother, being an experienced woman, guided me patiently, and I progressed quickly. I became quite adept with her, occasionally teasing her playfully. Suddenly, my mother became like a little girl, her face flushed. When she didn't know how to deal with her mischievous son, all she could do was bury her head deeply in my chest, scolding me gently, "Behave yourself, don't be naughty with your mother!"
"No, I'll do it!" The more my mother scolded, the more excited I became.
"No, don't move, come in, okay? Be good, my good son…!" My mother twisted her body violently.
"Then beg me!"
"Okay, okay, I beg you! Please, have mercy on your mother!"
"Then call me something nice!"
"Good little soldier, Mommy begs you!" The mother grew happier, but at the same time, she was filled with the anxiety of wanting something but not being able to have it.
"Call me brother, and I'll spare you!" I was surprised that I had such a thought, but my feverish mind had made me forget all human ethics and common sense.
"...Oh...please, brother, I beg you!" My mother was startled at first, but immediately, due to her overwhelming physical needs, she couldn't care less about anything else.
From that day on, whenever my mother was excited in bed, she would call me brother. We gradually got used to this special address. Seeing my mother's urgent and painful expression, I liked it even more, and my whole body trembled even more violently. In fact, I needed her body even more than she did.
When I entered that place again, the place I had once wanted to stay in for a long time but didn't know why, but now often came back to, my mother and I went to that mysterious garden that brought us joy once again. I closed my eyes and could feel the dazzling beauty. The vibrant colors, the intoxicating fragrance, and the enchanting music of the birds—I never imagined that the feeling of becoming a "man" for the first time would be so magical, especially with my own mother. I truly never imagined
we would work from dusk till the dead of night. When we were tired, we would sleep, then kiss each other awake, and continue. It was because it was my first time, and my mother because it had been so long since we'd experienced it; we both needed each other so much…
At dawn, my mother, now awake, lay on my chest, her fingers gently tracing my skin, murmuring, "Little soldier, I never realized you'd really grown into a man. Your shoulders have become so broad, your arms so strong, it's almost too much for me! But this shows I really haven't cared for you enough before. You don't blame me, do you?"
"How could that be?" I rolled over, staring down at my mother with wide eyes. "I love you so much right now, how could I possibly resent you!" My mother shyly pressed her face against my chest again. I hugged her tightly, savoring the blissful moment bestowed upon me by heaven, afraid to miss a single second.
From that day on, we talked more, and our jokes became more unrestrained. When it was hot, we didn't have to cover ourselves with those few thin sheets of cloth, and we could be naked together all day long. Sometimes, I would ask my mother about my father's skills in bed, comparing them to mine, to see who was better. My mother would just smile without answering, forbidding me from being naughty again. After all, I was her son. In bed, I felt very manly, and my mother had to rely on me. But back in reality, I was still her child, and I had to listen to her.
I played ball less and less, and my mother was less willing to go out shopping with her friends. Our lifestyles were changing for each other, and we began to pay more attention to each other, especially me!
When my mother cooks, I'll pick vegetables beside her. When our eyes meet unintentionally, we'll exchange a knowing smile. Sleeping in and watching sports are no longer my main pastimes at home. When my mother watches soap operas, I'll obediently lie on her lap or hug her shoulder, laughing and joking with her. When she gets tired, I'll give her a massage. Sometimes I'll even peel the fruit I've washed and feed it to her.
Suddenly, I have an overwhelming desire to take care of this woman. Perhaps it's because my body was once inextricably linked to my mother's; I deeply feel her every move. Even a soft cough from her makes me incredibly anxious. At those times, I often think: This big house still feels like home. Happiness has suddenly appeared before me; I really need time to adjust. Although my mother smiles more often, I always catch a glimpse of sadness crossing her brow.
"Mom, are you happy living like this together?"
"Yes, very happy!
" "Then let's live like this forever!"
"How can that be? You'll have your own family in the future; that's what you should have, you know?"
"But I like living with Mom! Don't you want to?"
"...And how I wish my son would always belong only to me! But..."
"Mom, stop talking. I don't want to think about the future anymore. I only love you!" After saying that, I hugged my mother's frail body tightly. I could feel her trembling. My shoulders were wet, and my eyes were wet too.
"Mom! Don't be sad anymore. I don't want to see you cry. Let's love each other!"
Outside that door, we are mother and son; behind that door, we are lovers. My mother happily vented her emotions that had been building up for years in my room. She lived too hard, wearing a mask all day, always portraying herself as a virtuous wife and loving mother. But didn't she also need the comfort of a man? She was only in her forties; she couldn't live completely without a man's love. But my father couldn't give her that. Even if my parents' relationship was very strong, a sexless or loveless marriage was never satisfactory, at least not for my mother. She was unhappy.
To outsiders, there would be absolutely no problem between my mother and me... Who would have thought that in this house where my mother and I lived, a love scene was being played out every day? I rarely sleep in my room anymore. Jue, to be precise, since that day, I had completely moved into my mother's room. I took my father's place, lying on his half of the bed, fulfilling the duties that should have been his. But we were safe, we were happy
men. After having sexual experiences, consciousness and behavior undergo many changes. At first, it's just curiosity about women's bodies and a longing for intimacy between men and women, but ultimately, it's something to be ashamed to express. When everything happens naturally, the poor and empty sweet words and the unchanging ways of making love lead to aesthetic fatigue, and the initial passion slowly fades. This is fully reflected in my case. Constantly repeating the same things in this house, to be honest, I was a little tired. So I started to seek ways that could excite my mother and me more, and I found that my mother not only did not reject it, but also actively cooperated and helped me. This was something I did not expect.
One day at dinner, while putting hot food into my mouth, I asked my mother, "Mom, is this all you and Dad have done for so many years? Don't you ever get tired of it?"
"It's hard to say. You know, your father was in the army. He wasn't home much to begin with. Every time he came back, we were both very curious about each other's bodies. After he transferred to civilian life, he had a lot of social engagements because of his work, so we did it less and less often. Even when we did it occasionally, it was still very enjoyable, so I wouldn't say I was tired of it..."
My mother wanted to continue, but I felt very awkward listening to her, and my face grew increasingly pale. At this moment, my mother realized that her son no longer viewed my father the same way he used to; now there was a hint of rivalry involved.
"Little Soldier, you asked me, otherwise I wouldn't have said that. Okay, let's eat."
"Do you get annoyed when you make love with me?" I asked my mother with a droopy face.
"No, we're very happy, aren't we?"
"But I've had enough. Staying here all the time, doing the same things all the time, even the happiest things get boring!"
I shoveled rice into my mouth unconsciously, but I didn't taste any of it. My mother looked at her son with a loving expression, her heart aching. "Xiaobing, I know what you're thinking. How about this, after dinner, let's go for a walk together!"
"What do you know? It's not that I don't want to stay at home, it's that I want to... Sigh! Mom, why don't you understand?" I complained inwardly, but I couldn't say it aloud. Actually, I was wrong. After all, I am my mother's son, and she really understood my thoughts.
We walked along the beach for a long time. The sea breeze was salty—my mother's curly hair, wet from the sea breeze, looked particularly elegant against her long black dress. I walked behind her silently. My mother's fair neck was sometimes visible and sometimes hidden in her hair, looking so noble and dignified among the people enjoying the cool air.
I felt more and more that loving my mother was the right thing to do. Where else could I find such a beautiful woman? But in these situations, we can only walk as mother and son. Sometimes I'll playfully run over and hug her shoulder. I think even if someone sees us, they'll just think it's a son and mother joking around.
As darkness fell, the sea grew increasingly dark. My mother and I walked aimlessly along the beach. I didn't know what she was doing. Soon, we came to a small hill. Because it was undeveloped, there weren't even streetlights, so few people went there.
"Mom, what are we doing here?"
My mother suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me up the hill like a child. When we reached the halfway point, she placed her hands on my shoulders and made me sit on the grass. She sat down facing me. At that moment, in the bright moonlight, I saw my mother's eyes—eyes filled with longing and passion. I understood. I finally understood my mother's intention: she wanted me to experience the feeling of indulging myself in nature.
My desire was rekindled. A powerful feeling, unseen for many days, filled my entire body once more. My heart pounded, my blood boiled. I never imagined that such intimacy under the open sky could be so wonderful.
I took off my shirt and placed it beneath my mother. Although I was impatient, I knew the grass and pebbles would scratch and hurt her. The sea breeze was a little cool, but my mother's body was so warm. I closed my eyes, savoring the surprise my mother brought me. The wind carried the scent of grass and trees, then the salty smell of the sea. I heard the whispers of insects and my mother's soft moans, along with the crisp sounds of our two joyful bodies colliding.
Later I learned that our behavior was called "wild mating." Our ancestors also happily reproduced in such an environment. Although our purpose differed from our ancestors', the process was joyful and enjoyable.
At that moment, it wasn't just my mother and I becoming one, but also us becoming one with nature. Although we couldn't be as unrestrained as at home, I was nervous, but excitement lingered. My mother finally couldn't withstand my intense advances: "Brother, I can't take it anymore! I'm coming, please let me go, please, I...!" My mother was extremely excited, but she couldn't speak loudly. She screamed in agony, her mouth agape, gasping for breath, her dazed eyes pleading,
"Ah, you're here? I'm not here yet! No!" The more my mother begged, the stronger my desire to torment her became. My actions grew more violent; I tried to control my pace, not wanting this moment to end so quickly. I could even feel my face becoming terrifying, and my mother's eyes filled with fear as she looked at me. Far from feeling pity for her, I felt an uncontrollable excitement.
Just as I was torturing my mother, sweating profusely, a beam of light shone over us. I was startled. How could there be someone here? My mother and I quickly put on our clothes. I didn't even have time to calm my excitement; I was genuinely worried I might develop impotence from the shock. But who were these people? Why would they be here so late?
The lights drew closer, and several flashlights approached us. My mother nervously gripped my hand; actually, I was even more nervous than her. Once they were closer, I observed them carefully. There were five men in total. Their clothes were neither quite police nor plain; the red and white lettering on their arms, reading "On Duty," was particularly conspicuous in the flashing lights. Later, I learned they were from the local security team.
"Who are you? What are you doing here so late?"
"Oh, we…" My mother, still reeling from excitement, stammered.
"We're on a date!" I blurted out instinctively. The five men, especially the one in the lead, a man in his thirties who seemed to be their leader, looked at my mother, then at me, and immediately showed suspicion.
"On a date? Judging by your age…"
"Is it illegal for me to like women older than me?" I felt I was a man, I should protect my mother, and I couldn't be too weak in front of these people.
"What are you being so tough about? I'll fucking beat you up..." One of the tall, thin men tried to roll up his sleeves to fight, but was stopped by the "leader."
"Let's talk this out, don't fight, we need to clarify things first!" This "leader" seemed reasonable enough.
"Then you'll come with us." After all, they outnumbered us, or perhaps they hadn't seen what we had just done, so my mother and I followed him. We went to the so-called joint defense team.
As soon as we entered the house, they asked us to show our ID cards. I didn't have mine with me, so they had me write my mother's ID number in a registration book. The "leader" took the book and looked at my mother, then at the ID card. He scrutinized my mother thoroughly. I vaguely sensed the man's ill intentions towards my mother, so I quickly shoved the registration book into his hand.
"I've finished writing it, take a look!"
The "leader" looked at it for a while, then a sinister smile appeared on his lips. "Heh, you said you're dating? Not married yet, right?"
"Ai Du told you they were dating, of course they're not married." I was starting to dislike this "boss" who had just been pretending to be a good person.
"Then why are your home addresses the same place?" He slammed the registration book and my mother's ID card on the table, his voice suddenly rising eight octaves, startling everyone present
. "If you can't explain it, you're staying here today, or you can call your superiors and family members to come and pick you up!" This terrifying man was utterly ruthless. My feeling towards him at that moment could be summed up in four words: "gritting my teeth."
It was my oversight; I hadn't thought much about it when registering the home address. I really hated myself then. It seemed my mother and I were doomed. I glanced at my mother; strangely, her eyes didn't show any fear. She walked straight to... "Comrade, let's talk this out
. We were just taking a walk, we weren't doing anything illegal. Please, do us a favor." As she spoke, my mother took two hundred yuan from her bag and quietly slipped it into the man's hand.
I knew everyone present had seen it, but it was perfectly normal, so no one objected. Even in school, people give gifts to teachers to pass exams, so all I felt was anger.
The man's lips curled into that sinister smile again. "Heh, of course, we won't easily accuse innocent people. How about this, come inside with me and we'll discuss the details."
Everyone knew what would happen if my mother went into that room. I was about to stop her, but she saw my impulsiveness and... She shifted her body, frowning at me, signaling me not to cause any more trouble.
I knew what the consequences would be if this matter escalated. Not only would our happy family in the eyes of outsiders cease to exist, but my mother and I would become the talk of the town, the laughingstock of everyone. I watched helplessly as my mother followed that scoundrel into the house. When I heard the door lock shut, my heart ached as if it were being stabbed.
"Mom, it's all my fault! If I hadn't sought that damn thrill, if I hadn't lied about us being in a relationship, if I hadn't carelessly written down our home address..." Tears welled up in my eyes and silently streamed down my face. I bit my lip hard, feeling no pain because of the hatred—one for that shameless man, and the other for myself.
When my mother emerged from that small house, it felt like an eternity had passed. Her face was expressionless, her curly hair was still perfectly styled, and her long dress was without a single wrinkle. My mother was a woman who valued her image; she wouldn't let outsiders see her make a fool of herself. Even in this situation, she maintained her dignified demeanor. I immediately ran over and hugged my mother tightly, afraid she would suffer any further harm.
The "leader" also followed my mother out of the house, saying in a pretentious tone, "The matter is cleared up, isn't that enough? Alright, you two go home now, we won't pursue it further. Just remember not to wander around here again tonight, it's too much!" I hated this man's face. I glared at him fiercely, then, with my mother in my arms, we walked out of that terrifyingly unsettling neighborhood.
All the way home, I held her shoulders, afraid that any more misfortune might befall this woman. It should have been me protecting her, but unexpectedly, at the crucial moment, she stepped forward to protect me. Perhaps this is the greatness of a mother.
Seeing my red, tear-filled eyes, my mother forced a smile and reassured me, "It's alright, it's all resolved."
"Mom, I'm so useless, I..."
"Don't say anything, I'm your mother, this is what I should do."
We walked home like that, without exchanging another word. We didn't touch each other again. My mother had her back to me, pretending to be asleep, but I knew her heart was weeping. It was all because of me, her beastly son.
I had hurt my mother for the first time. Although it wasn't directly caused by me, I had an undeniable responsibility. I told her, "I must repay her a hundredfold, a thousandfold!" But... I broke my promise
because... I am her beastly son!
For several days in a row, we barely laughed. Even when we forced a smile, it was so difficult and painful. But life had to go on. We ate and slept as usual, watching her soap operas while I watched my sports program. We sat side by side on the sofa, staring at the black box that could play images, without any communication. It seemed like nothing had happened, but I knew that my mother, like me, couldn't truly calm herself down.
Sometimes, I wanted to hug my mother and cheer her up, but she would always gently turn away from my embrace. She wanted to be alone, not needing anyone's pity, especially me.
I went back to my room to sleep. In the quiet of the night, I could often hear my mother's soft sobs from the next room. Perhaps my mother was too good at putting on a brave face in front of me. I noticed that she was calling my father more and more often at night, mostly saying things about missing him, and she would often break down in tears while talking. My father, unaware of the situation, thought that my mother was really missing him. Although I couldn't hear what they were talking about while they were crying
, my father must have been saying something comforting to her. My mother was in so much pain that she could only relieve it by confiding in her dearest husband. Since I was also a person involved, I could offer my mother the kind of help my father could, but I couldn't...
For more than a week, my mother and I didn't touch each other's bodies. Actually, the restlessness within me had made me unable to control myself for several nights, but seeing my mother's pain, I couldn't bear to make such an excessive request. After all, I still had a little rationality left. My summer vacation was almost over, and I didn't want to continue
this stalemate. The day before I was to return to school, my mother packed my luggage, telling me what to take. I couldn't listen to her at all. Seeing my mother's increasingly thin back these past few days, the sadness in my heart surged like a tide. I couldn't hold back anymore.
"Mom, don't be like this..." I suddenly hugged her tightly, and the pain of the past few days, along with tears, welled up in my eyes. My mother was also feeling wronged! At first, she just stood there blankly, then gradually tightened her embrace around me. Soon, I felt the warm, dampness against my chest. We stood there like that…embracing…
“Child, maybe we really did something wrong, and that’s why we’re suffering this punishment!”
“No, our love hasn’t bothered anyone. We just wanted to be good to each other, right?”
“But your father is the most innocent! A few days ago we talked on the phone, and the more I heard his sympathy, the more guilty I felt. Xiaobing, I think we should end it! We shouldn’t be like this.” As she spoke, my mother broke down in tears.
“I don’t want it to end! When I’m able, I’ll take good care of you, and I’ll take good care of Dad too, don’t worry! But please don’t make me give up on you. I love you, Mom!”
In my broad embrace, my mother seemed so fragile, as if I could crush her with a single squeeze, but I was still her son, so when I said those words, my voice was filled with… A child pleaded with his mother without considering the consequences.
The mother didn't speak, but looked sadly at her son, whose face was full of sincerity and seemed helpless. She raised her arm and stroked my face, which she had kissed countless times since I was a child. After a long while, the mother nodded, her eyes filled with love for her son.
This is a mother; she will try her best to satisfy all her child's requests. But my mother had a greedy son, and what her son wanted was something that most mothers in the world could not give or satisfy.
That night, I slept in my mother's big bed again. We made love passionately, as if... I released all the unhappiness and repression of the past few days through our physical entanglement and intercourse. I think my mother still needs me. From the very first time, she accepted my body, and I could feel that she had adapted to my lovemaking style and habits.
That night, all the whispered words of love were pale and powerless; we just wanted to thrust violently like this, we just wanted to shout unrestrainedly like this. During the process, we kept changing positions, trying every position that could reach the limits of the human body. Occasionally, I would subconsciously swear at my mother, but she didn't show any blame. I became even more unrestrained; I wanted to vent my anger on that shameless man who had bullied my mother, and on my body, which had been unsatisfied for days
. Dawn broke, and neither my mother nor I wanted to get out of bed. We just stayed like that, embracing each other, sometimes crying, sometimes laughing; sometimes talking, sometimes arguing. This was the last time I slept next to my mother this summer vacation, so I cherished every single second, afraid of missing any detail. This long vacation, which I had once found so tedious, suddenly became so short, and time seemed to pass faster and faster. The time I spent with my mother seemed to be getting shorter and shorter.
Eventually, I had to leave. On the platform, I hugged my mother again and again. Anyone who didn't know the situation would think I was such a spineless child. I am indeed spineless; I am even more inseparable from my mother now than when I was a child, but the meaning of being inseparable has changed drastically. My mother just kept telling me to be careful and take care of myself. Actually, I didn't want to hear those things; I just wanted to hear her say, "I love you! I'll wait for you to come back!"
The train started moving, the huge carriage carrying me away from my mother. Watching my mother's waving figure under the dim yellow light gradually disappear into the deep night, I silently shed tears in my heart. During this time, I probably cried the most tears I'd ever shed. The most tears I shed since childhood were not for anyone else, but for this woman I love so deeply—my mother.
"Mom, wait for me, you must wait for me..."
Back at school, I couldn't immediately immerse myself in the role of a student. The peace of my mother's sleeping body, her sorrowful eyes, her passionate love—everything about her constantly flashed before my eyes.
I called her almost every day; only hearing her love could ease the torment of my longing. Time truly is a good medicine for painful memories. I noticed that my mother's tone of voice was noticeably more tender than when I spoke. The house became much more cheerful, easing her pain and also alleviating my guilt.
Since I couldn't be with my mother every day for the time being, I couldn't stay immersed in this longing forever. The basketball, which I had put down for a long time, returned to my side. It's my favorite thing besides my mother. Running and jumping, through the intense collisions and the hoarse shouts, all releases the passion within me. When I'm tired, I fall asleep immediately, and then I stop thinking about her.
When I'm awake, I can control myself not to think about my mother, but when I'm asleep, my subconscious still makes me think about her again and again. In my dream, I saw my mother back in her twenties. Although I had only seen her in photographs, she wore a small floral dress, two thick black braids draped over her voluptuous chest, and her fair face had thin lips that were slightly upturned, opening and closing as if smiling at me, or perhaps speaking to me.
I ran to her, hugged her tightly, and kissed her, eagerly pulling off her long dress. I relived the excitement and madness of being intimate with my mother. Just as we were about to reach the finish line of happiness, a dark figure suddenly appeared before us. I couldn't see his face clearly.
"Is that wretched man?...No! Could it be Father?...I can't be sure!"
"Who are you!" I screamed and sat up in bed, waking up all my roommates.
"Xiaobing, what's wrong? Are you alright?"
"Oh, nothing! Sorry for waking you all."
At that moment, I noticed my underwear was wet. It was seminal fluid. I often encountered this before, so it wasn't surprising. It seems my body really needs my mother. After lying back down, I often wondered: Does my mother miss me as much as I miss her?
Going to class, eating, playing basketball, sleeping, and occasionally hanging out with a few buddies to pick up girls—I often became the object of those girls' advances, but I would never touch them, because my heart already belonged to my mother. Those immature girls were beneath my notice.
The weather gradually turned cold—the birch forest on campus began to carpet the ground with fallen leaves. "Mother, I miss you! Are you thinking of me?"
The first snow fell—occasionally, couples' footprints were left on the pristine white path. "Mother, I miss you! Are you thinking of me?"
Christmas arrived, and the campus was filled with revelry—under the dazzling lights, people swayed and shouted wildly, "Mother, I miss you! Are you thinking of me?"
Day after day, minute by minute, second by second!
"Mother, we can see each other again! I've been looking forward to this day ever since the day I left you. Your gentle voice, delicate skin, and warm body have always attracted me, making me want to fly back to your side. This train that took me away so quickly back then, why is it now driving like a slow oxcart?"
I didn't tell my mother when I would be home; I wanted to surprise her. I ran upstairs in a few strides, put down my luggage, and banged on the door. "Mom, it's me! Open the door!" The excitement of arriving home made me breathless. My mother opened the door, and when she saw me, her face showed surprise at first, but then a smile appeared on her face. Before she could say anything, I hugged her with all my might.
"Mom, I missed you so much..." I was overjoyed.
Just then, the door to my mother's room opened. "Xiaobing is back. Why didn't you tell us?" That voice... it was my father!
"Wasn't he supposed to be back for the New Year? What happened!"
"Such a grown man, still acting like a child clinging to his mother, what kind of behavior is that?" My father, a former soldier, disapproved of my actions. Of course, he didn't understand my true purpose.
Reluctantly, I let go of her hand. I finally understood what my mother wanted to say to me when she first saw me. Dejectedly, I carried my luggage back to my room. Everything happened so suddenly; I hadn't expected this.
My father... My mother and I would eventually have to face him, but I wasn't ready. I lay heavily on my back on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.
"What should I do? What should I do? What should my mother and I do?"
I never imagined that my reunion with my mother, which I had longed for for a semester, would turn out like this. After all, it was like "a thief..." Feeling guilty, I always avoided my father's gaze. I couldn't taste anything while eating, and my mind was completely blank when I spoke… I think my mother felt the same way, but judging from her demeanor, she was much calmer than me.
"Xiaobing, you seem a little different this time you've come back?" My father seemed to have noticed my unusual behavior.
"Oh, no, I don't think there's anything wrong with me!" I tried to calm myself, staring intently at the TV, pretending to be engrossed, while my brain was rapidly concocting lies to cover up my unease.
"Is it because there are still six months until graduation, and you're feeling uncertain?" It seems that in my father's eyes, I'm still that child who only focuses on striving for his future.
"Oh…"
"There's nothing to worry about. As long as you graduate smoothly, I'll naturally help you find a good job. The key is that you have to be ambitious!"
"Oh..."
"This time I'm back, I'll be meeting some old comrades-in-arms. I'll take you to visit them too. If you perform well, it'll be easier to talk to them when you're looking for a job later, understand..."
"Oh..." I could only respond with "oh"s to my father's words; I couldn't concentrate at all to hear what he was saying.
"Xiaobing, come help me!" My mother, who was busy in the kitchen, called me over. This was a lifesaver. I answered and ran into the kitchen.
"Mom, is something wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong, I was just afraid you'd say the wrong thing in front of your dad." My mother, after all, was my mother, and at that time I was completely dependent on her
. "Yeah, I didn't know how to talk to Dad just now!" I said softly, but my expression was exaggerated.
"Your dad had something to do at work, so he came back early to handle it. He's been home for the New Year. Actually, he arrived a day earlier than you, and I wanted to tell you, but you were already back. Why didn't you tell me beforehand? You almost let your father find out!" My mother complained as she washed the apples.
"I wanted to give you a surprise, who would have thought it would turn out like this!" I felt quite aggrieved.
"Okay, don't do anything too outrageous, be good." My mother touched my face with her wet hand, then carried the washed fruit into the living room. I watched my mother's back, thinking that I would have to sleep alone in that single bed tonight
, and felt an indescribable sense of loss. That night, I lay in my own bed, unable to fall asleep. This was nothing like the countless reunions I had imagined at school. Something was different. My body started to stir uncontrollably again.
"Mom, I miss you so much, I want you so badly!" I tossed and turned, sweating profusely.
"Mom, I'm dying of discomfort..." Just as I was losing control because of my overwhelming need for my mother, I heard the sounds of my parents making love coming from the next room. This intensified my pain
. My father, in his forties, was in his prime. To be honest, he was quite vigorous in bed. Genetically speaking, his abilities were probably not bad either. Besides, we hadn't seen each other for almost a year. Even though he would sometimes come back for business and have a short time with my mother, their physical needs made their lovemaking so frenzied. Age couldn't possibly hinder it.
The sounds my father made when he thrust were so loud. Although I tried to keep my voice down, I could still hear my mother's moans clearly. They used to be so familiar and so pleasurable, but now they were a tormenting sound. And that damned double bed, creaking and groaning from the impact—I should have been lying there! I should have been the one on top of my mother!
I must have been a little out of my mind at that moment. I sat up abruptly, slipped on my slippers, and walked into the living room. I paced back and forth like a caged animal, gritting my teeth, clenching my fists, and glaring angrily at my parents' bedroom door.
"My mother is mine! I want her! What right do you have? He's your father! She's your mother! You're their son! But I love my mother! I think I love my mother more than my father! My parents have had so many years of love; you have no right to talk about love with them!" The two voices in my head were driving me crazy.
I quietly pressed my ear to my parents' bedroom door. The sounds inside seemed to have subsided a bit; perhaps it was over. After all, my father was getting on in years; he couldn't have lasted that long. His body simply couldn't compare to mine. I felt a strange sense of mockery towards my father, but I still felt a pang of heartache from the passionate lovemaking that had just taken place in their room. It was a pain like a thousand arrows piercing my heart. I could hear my teeth grinding together, and my clenched fists were sweaty.
The next day, my mother called me to get up for breakfast.
"Xiaobing, get up! Don't sleep anymore! Get up and eat!"
"I don't want to eat!" Actually, I had woken up a while ago, but I just didn't want to see my parents.
"Listen to me! Your father's home now, you can't be willful anymore, or you'll get scolded again!" My mother, who used to be so gentle with me, was now scolding me.
"So what if Dad's home? He can do whatever he wants, right? Can't I not eat?" I sat up abruptly, glaring at my mother. I was still furious about yesterday's events and wanted to vent my anger.
"Oh dear, you child," my mother gestured for me to lower my voice, "you, you, I see you're always causing trouble. I heard you walk into the living room last night; I was really worried you'd do something reckless."
"Don't worry, I won't make things difficult for you. You're my dad's wife, I have no right to interfere with your sex life!" I got angrier and angrier as I talked about my dissatisfaction with them.
"I know what you're thinking, but isn't this a special time? Besides, no matter what, I'm his wife, your husband's son. Your father didn't do anything wrong, you're just being unreasonable...!" It seems I've angered my mother.
"Alright, alright!" I lay back down on the bed, pulling the covers over my head. I thought I'd get some comfort from my mother, but I didn't expect... I didn't want to face this woman whose attitude towards me had changed so drastically.
"Fine, if you don't want to eat, I'll tell your dad you haven't rested enough, sigh..." Although I couldn't see my mother's expression, I could imagine she was very disappointed in my behavior. Actually, I didn't want to be like this, but I just couldn't control my anger. I was angry at
my father—he stole my mother, my woman. I admit I'm unreasonable, but when it comes to feelings, there's no point in reasoning. I was
angry at my mother—why did my father treat me like that as soon as he came back? He was completely different from how he was during summer vacation. Did she not love me anymore, and love my father instead?
I'm angry with myself! Of all the people I could like, I had to fall for my own mother, and now I'm suffering so much! I deserve it!
I think my future personality and attitude towards my mother will change so drastically because of this unpleasant family gathering. Mother, the woman I love so deeply, what are you really thinking? Your son is in so much pain, do you know that?
In the blink of an eye, the Spring Festival is approaching, and the festive atmosphere wafts from every window, but I haven't felt a shred of joy. My mother suggested that our whole family go shopping for New Year's goods, and she wanted us to be properly dressed from head to toe. I had no interest in that. Although I was much more natural with my father than when I first came back, it felt strange to accompany my parents shopping as their son.
On the surface, I'm their son, but subconsciously, I always felt that my father had stolen my mother's love for me, and my mother was being affectionate with him in front of me. I just don't understand, they're so old, what's with all this frivolity! I'm not going! "Let them go by themselves,"
my mother said, carrying a suit she had carefully chosen for me, which she thought suited me perfectly. She walked into my room with a beaming smile. I was listening to Walkman and didn't want to acknowledge her at all. I felt my mother had hurt me. In my eyes, her smile was no longer as loving and captivating as before; it had become a simple, naive maternal smile. I didn't care! Promoting her maternal love was outdated. I was grown up; I didn't need it anymore!
"Xiaobing, look at this suit! I think you'd look incredibly handsome in it!" My mother hadn't noticed the change in my attitude towards her.
"..."
"Xiaobing, what are you doing? Stand up and try it on!" My mother thought I hadn't heard her, but I already knew
.
"You child, did you even hear me?" My mother said, reaching for the earphones I had in my ears.
"Don't touch me! I don't like wearing suits, take them away!" I shook off her hand, saying as I put the earphones back in my ears. My
mother stood there silently in my room, the suit jacket still draped over her arm. I pretended not to notice, but I could sense how embarrassed she was. Her good intentions had been met with her son's displeasure. Actually, my mother knew why I treated her that way, but she still tried her best to please her son.
"Xiaobing, don't be like this. I know you've been feeling bad since you came back, but with your father at home, it's hard for me, you know? I also want to take good care of you." "You, love you, do you feel good seeing you unhappy all the time?" As she spoke, her mother's eyes began to redden.
I knew it was truly difficult for her. In this house, there were two men she deeply loved, and she didn't want to hurt either of them. But from an ethical and moral standpoint, the scales of love in her heart were slightly tipped towards her father.
Wasn't I also someone she wanted to care for? It's just that back then, I was young and willful, hot-blooded, and my selfishness and greed for love made it difficult for me to control my anger. That's why I vented my anger on my mother again and again, hurting both her and myself.
When I saw my mother crying, I saw the image of my mother who was hurt because of me during the summer vacation. I was such a terrible person! I jumped up, slammed the door shut, and poured all the love and resentment I'd felt for my mother over the past few days into my arms. I hugged her tightly, wanting her to know I hadn't meant to upset her; I'd only snapped at her because she cared about me.
"I'm sorry, Mom, I shouldn't have upset you. It's because I love you so much, you know that!"
"..." My mother wept, tears streaming down her face. I could feel her shoulders trembling.
"I won't do that to you again. I love you, I love you!" I lowered my head, cupped her face, and kissed her passionately. This was the true feeling I wanted when I was with my mother.
My father was next door; I couldn't do anything more inappropriate with her. But I needed her so much. I begged her for a chance. My mother whispered reassuringly,
"Not now. Your father's home. Be good, and we'll wait for another opportunity, okay?"
"Please, Mom, I really want to..." My body started to heat up again, uncontrollably. I always had a very strong chemical reaction to my mother's body, even when I was sad or upset. As long as I was near her, I would have a violent reaction, which was something I had never understood.
My mother kissed my cheek and touched it with her hand. "Xiaobing, behave yourself now, there will definitely be a chance, but not now, be good, okay?"
There was no other way if I didn't behave. I could only wait and slowly let go of my mother, helplessly watching her turn and leave my room. I was rejected again, but I still got my chance. On
the first day of the Lunar New Year, my father was going to visit his old comrade-in-arms. My mother had a cold and couldn't go with him. So, as soon as my father left, I slipped into my mother's room.
We didn't say much and quickly got to the point. Thinking about it, my mother actually needed my body very much. Although her father had returned home, she wasn't lonely, but the energy and passion emanating from the young man were something her father couldn't provide. He could touch my smooth skin during lovemaking, feel my increasingly developed pectoral muscles, abdominal spines, and powerful buttocks. I think she still needed me very much
. It's also worth noting that the lovemaking between mother and son is, to some extent, stimulating and exciting. At first, I didn't understand, but now I can understand this feeling.
At this moment, my mother was no longer the gentle and kind woman she had been a few days ago. All her maternal instincts, reserve, and shame were thrown aside. The woman who used to be as wild as a slut in bed was back.
Initially, I thought I needed my mother more than she needed me, but the truth is, when she saw me, she was even more eager than I was, quickly turning me naked into a lovemaking machine.
Since my mother was so open, why should I pretend? Come on! The restlessness suppressed for several months was now like a dam bursting, venting all at once.
There was no time for any useless gentle prelude; I really wanted to devour my mother whole. Actually, she was already aroused, because I noticed that when I entered her body, she was very wet. My "brother" didn't even penetrate; it just slid in.
Only at this moment can civilized humans reveal their animalistic nature. With each increase in the intensity of my movements, my mother was excitedly incoherent. Her mouth was open in an "O" shape, and her hands unconsciously grabbed at the things around her. Her pair of snow-white, plump breasts swayed rhythmically back and forth with my thrusts. Seeing her enjoying the pleasure I brought her, I felt no sense of accomplishment, but rather disgust.
"I'll excite you, I'll excite you even more, you little slut!" I increased the force of my thrusts into my mother's body, constantly uttering vulgarities.
"Little soldier, oh, no..." "You...slow down...I can't take it...I can't take it..." My mother felt my powerful physical energy and pleaded with me intermittently.
"Who told you to ignore me at first? What are you pretending for!" Thinking of my mother who was always so serious with me before, I got angry.
"Brother, I...I...I beg you, please be gentle! Please spare me!" My mother was a little overwhelmed
, but I didn't care about that. You are my woman now, you are mine, and you have to endure me. The more she begged me, the more excited and happy I became. The mother who was always scolding me a few days ago was now under me, and she had to endure this kind of pleasurable pain.
"Hahaha..." Thinking about it, I couldn't help but laugh out loud, which really startled my mother.
"Xiaobing, are you...okay? Let's...let's rest for a while!" My mother was still begging me to let her go.
"You've had your fun, but I haven't finished venting yet. You have to listen to me today!"
"No, you have to play with me properly, I haven't had enough yet...!" Saying this, I flipped my mother over and did it again from behind.
Honestly, at that moment, I really became an animal. There was no right or wrong, just pure instinct. I don't know how long we went on, but I was completely exhausted before my mother finally got off me. I felt like she was running away, naked, and crawling into the bathroom. Hehe... I scared my mother!
I was too tired to say a word, staring at the ceiling, feeling like tiny bugs were crawling on my face—that was the sweat from our excitement. My "brother" had also given his all in this battle, now exhausted and lying motionless on top of me. I figured when I had the energy again, he'd protest that the exertion was too much. Hehe, youth is good...
Just as I was reliving the intense battle with my mother, the sound of the key turning in the security door suddenly pierced my ears, stimulating every nerve and making my scalp tingle! My father came home.
My mother was naked in the bathroom, and I was lying naked in my parents' room, the battlefield still untouched. I'd carelessly flung used toilet paper all over the floor. But the outer security door was already open, and when the inner wooden door opened, my father caught my mother and me in the act completely red-handed. It was too late; there were only a few seconds left.

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A story about ethics and humanity

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