Anecdotes and Erotic Stories from the Three Kingdoms Period

Anecdotes of the Three Kingdoms

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I. A Night of Pleasure at the Inn, a Secret Affair with the Lady, and the Marquis of Ting
Stealing His Two Sisters-in-Law. Since Luo Guanzhong wrote *Romance of the Three Kingdoms*, everyone has believed it to be true, only saying that Guan Yu was a hero. But they don't know that "food and sex are human nature"—after capturing and killing Lü Bu in Xiapi, Guan Yu repeatedly pleaded with Cao Cao, requesting one of Lü Bu's concubines. Cao Cao suspected the girl was beautiful and took her for himself, which displeased Guan Yu.
I am not mocking Guan Yu, but such is human nature; how can we fabricate and cover it up? Only by revealing the true nature of "worldly customs" can we live up to the expectations of the world. You all only know that Guan Yu surrendered to Cao Cao to protect his sister-in-law, but you don't know the true hidden story behind it!
Back then, Liu Bei stationed his troops at Xiaopei. Cao Cao knew that Liu Bei was a dragon among men and feared that his wings would grow too strong, so he led an army of 200,000 to take Xuzhou. Xuande, a mediocre man, sent Zhang Fei to launch a night raid on Cao Cao's camp. Cao Cao preemptively struck and decisively defeated them. Xuande abandoned Xiaopei and fled to Yuan Shao, while the Xuzhou generals Mi Zhu and Jian Yong also fled. Cao Cao drove his troops straight towards Xiapi.
Guan Yu protected his two sisters-in-law and desperately held on. However, Liu Bei showed no regard for his brothers and wives, escaping alone: what a villain! As the ancients said, "If one cannot even manage one's family, how can one plan to rule the world?" Guan Yu,
alone in the isolated city, had no choice but to surrender. Cao Cao, who admired Guan Yu's talent and martial prowess, hosted a banquet in his honor. The next day, he returned to Xuchang. Guan Yu packed his carriages and invited his two sisters-in-law into the carriage, personally escorting it. At a roadside inn, Cao Cao, wanting to disrupt the proper relationship between ruler and subject, forced Guan Yu to share a room with his two sisters-in-law. Guan Yu, however, stood outside with a candle, from night until dawn, showing no sign of fatigue.
That night, Guan Yu was secretly thinking of his elder brother and third brother when he suddenly heard whispers coming from inside the room. Fearing something was wrong with his two sisters-in-law, yet not daring to break in, Guan Yu hastily peeked through a hole in the paper window. He saw his two sisters-in-law completely naked, Lady Mi kissing Lady Gan. Lady Mi was the younger sister of Mi Zhu, a wealthy and noble woman, plump and fair-skinned; Lady Gan was a talented and romantic woman with a penchant for poetry.
The two ladies had long been neglected by Liu Bei and were now suffering the hardships of exile, feeling extremely lonely. So they removed their clothes and embraced each other to relieve their desires. Guan Yu, nearly forty years old and still unmarried, blushed at the sight and quickly looked away.
But how could a young man without a family not be moved? He peeked again and saw his two sisters-in-law embracing intimately, kissing each other incessantly, their lewd words and actions need not be mentioned.
Guan Yu could not bear to leave, so he leaned down to steal a look, feeling his breath quicken and his groin become hot and hard. The two sisters-in-law grew increasingly intimate, like fish in water: Lady Gan, skilled in seduction, instructed Lady Mi to scream and shout, part her red lips, stick out her fragrant tongue, loosen her cloud-like hair, reveal her plump white breasts… pressed chest to chest, intertwined thighs, grasped breasts and embraced buttocks, her crimson lips burning, her starry eyes slightly open.
An endless array of captivating and alluring mannerisms, an incessant stream of seductive whispers.
Guan Yu, momentarily at a loss, gripped his "Guan Yu's Blade," almost bursting into the room for a fight. Just as he was hesitating, he suddenly saw a figure flash past in the back room. Guan Yu, suspecting a villain, drew his sword to investigate—it was Cao Cao! Guan Yu was greatly alarmed, seeing Cao Cao also spying. Mengde softly called to Guan Yu, "Guan Yu, be quiet, come quickly." Guan Yu said, "Prime Minister, what brings you here?" Cao Cao whispered, "Don't say anything more, just look at the erotic pictures of the Empress's sister-in-law."
Guan Yu dared not ask further, and thus viewed them with Cao Cao. Inside the room, the two sisters-in-law's moans grew increasingly lewd, while outside, the two men's penises hardened. With a shout, all four ejaculated, their semen flowing across the ground. Cao Cao laughed, "Yun Chang, do you know the secret? I predict that the two sisters-in-law will soon be your mounts. I have had my fill; Yun Chang, you should act accordingly and not miss this opportunity." He then turned and left.
Guan Yu stood there dumbfounded for a long time, his blood boiling, unable to stop himself. He waited all night, and the next day went to see Cao Cao, saying, "I am but a fool; I beg the Prime Minister for guidance." Mengde laughed, "Yun Chang, a hero of the world, yet you have no good plan?"
Yun Chang said with shame, "I am but a warrior; I humbly beg the Prime Minister for a brilliant plan." Cao Cao whispered instructions to him, saying that he could then enjoy the company of the two ladies. Yun Chang was overjoyed, bowed in gratitude, and left.
A few days later, he arrived in Xuchang. Cao Cao allocated a house for Guan Yu to live in and also sent him gold, silk, and beautiful women. Guan Yu thanked the Prime Minister and every day at his two sisters-in-law's door, he would ask, "Are you well, sisters-in-law?"
After inquiring about his condition, they would reply, "Uncle, please take care of yourself." Only then would Guan Yu dare to leave. One day, Guan Yu heard his two sisters-in-law crying and rushed to inquire after them. He comforted them for a long time and instructed his maids to attend to them attentively before returning home. The next day, he again comforted his sisters-in-law, sending them fine silks, precious tonics, and other gifts to win their hearts. Afterward, he repeatedly comforted his sisters-in-law with a gentle and kind expression, putting their worries at ease. His sisters-in-law, moved by Guan Yu's kindness, often invited him to dine with them, sharing their sorrows of separation. Gradually, they became completely open and honest with each other, sharing everything.
Cao Cao, noticing Guan Yu's thin horse, gifted him the Red Hare. Guan Yu rode the Red Hare back to his residence. Lady Mi, seeing him, exclaimed excitedly, "Uncle, what a handsome sight you are!" Guan Yu hurriedly returned the greeting.
Lady Mi, realizing her slip of the tongue, blushed deeply. Lady Gan laughed and said, "Uncle, with this warhorse, you're like a tiger with wings, invincible!" She then took a silk handkerchief to wipe Guan Yu's sweat. Guan Yu was startled and hurriedly accepted it with both hands, bowing his head in gratitude.
Others also said, "General Guan is invincible, and he and the Empress Dowager are as close as blood relatives; truly enviable." That night, Guan Yu was restless and went straight to his two sisters-in-law's courtyard, saying at the door, "Are you well, sisters-in-law? I'm here to serve you." The two ladies said, "Uncle, please come in. We're blood relatives; there's no need to avoid suspicion."
Guan Yu then entered, dismissing the maids around him, and said, "I am deeply grateful for your kindness today." Lady Mi laughed and said, "Uncle, what are you saying? We women couldn't help ourselves when we saw your handsome appearance." Lady Gan also laughed, "Uncle is a hero of the world; to have you as a son..." " Uncle, we are truly fortunate to have been protected. We were almost in dire straits just now. If it weren't for your self-demotion and surrender to Cao Cao, how could we have survived?"
Guan Yu bowed his head and said, "Sister-in-law, you flatter me. I dare not accept such praise." Lady Gan asked, "Uncle, have you ever married?"
Guan Yu replied, "I have been traveling all year and have never had a wife." Lady Mi laughed and said, "Don't shy away from this. If you have someone in mind, your sister-in-law and I will act as matchmakers for you." Guan Yu blushed and said, "I really haven't. Please don't tease me, sister-in-law." Lady Gan teased him, "I heard that you once asked Cao Cao for a concubine from Lü Bu. Is that true?"
Guan Yu lowered his head and did not answer. Lady Mi lay on the couch and chuckled, "Yun Chang, there's no need for that. It's just human nature.
Uncle, look at me and that concubine. Which one is more beautiful?" Lady Gan laughed and said, "Yun Chang, have you ever seen the joys of my sister and me in our private quarters?" Guan Yu knew that his secret had been exposed, so he didn't try to hide it and could only tell her, "I was confused
for a moment. I hope you will forgive me, sister-in-law. " Lady Gan said, "Uncle, there's no need for this. My sister and I wish to spend a night with you to repay your kindness and care!" Guan Yu exclaimed in surprise, "How can this be? Sister-in-law, please don't talk nonsense!" Lady Mi had already removed her clothes, revealing her plump, white, and fragrant skin. With seductive eyes, she said in a sweet voice, "
Uncle, do you think I'm comparable to Lü Bu's concubine?
Today, we are willing to serve you, please don't refuse." Lady Gan gently put her arm around Guan Yu's arm and said, "Uncle, don't doubt it, don't miss this wonderful night." She pulled Guan Yu to the bedside, her allure captivating him.
Guan Yu thought to himself, "I've fought for my brother half my life, and I'm still alone; it's truly not easy. Now my sister-in-law is lonely, and no one else knows. How can we secretly do something good and have mutual pleasure?" So he embraced Lady Gan, saying, "Sister-in-law, have you thought it through? You mustn't tell anyone about what I'm doing." Lady Gan leaned against Guan Yu, whispering tenderly, "Uncle, please enjoy yourself. I'm willing to serve you with my body." Guan Yu could no longer restrain himself. He embraced the petite beauty and kissed her passionately. Guan Yu was a fierce general, nine feet tall and incredibly strong.
Now, embracing Lady Gan was like lifting a chick. He ripped open her clothes, lifted her up, and began to caress and kiss her.
In a panic, Lady Mi cried out softly, "Uncle, why don't you satisfy my thirst and take Lady Gan first?" Guan Yu immediately placed Lady Gan next to Lady Mi, undressed, and climbed onto the bed. He grabbed Lady Mi's plump, white breasts and wantonly played with and kneaded them, making Lady Mi moan and groan. Lady Gan was not to be outdone; she rolled over and climbed onto Guan Yu's back, straddling him and caressing and kissing him, rubbing her most aroused spot against his back.
Lady Mi was fondled by Guan Yu for a long time, until she was completely limp, moaning softly. Guan Yu then raised his "Guan Yu's Great Saber"
and thrust it in, displaying the martial prowess he used in battle, "slashing and hacking fiercely."
Lady Mi was a plump, fair-skinned noblewoman; Liu Bei usually treated her perfunctorily, never with the same intensity as Guan Yu.
Her cries of pleasure were quickly cut seven or eight times by her second brother's "big sword," and she could only exclaim, "Uncle, you're so skilled! Your brother can't compare to you!" Guan Yu, praised by his sister-in-law, worked even harder, displaying all his superior skills. Lady Mi,
completely absorbed in her pleasure, disregarded the eavesdroppers outside the door, shouting and screaming, her lewd sounds deafening.
After about the time it takes for an incense stick to burn, Guan Yu still showed no signs of arousal. Lady Gan said, "I can take over for you a little while longer, sister." Guan Yu immediately pulled Lady Gan down, thrusting all the way in, nine shallow thrusts followed by one deep one,
and then continued his assault on her. Even though Lady Gan was incredibly alluring, she couldn't withstand Guan Yu's divine power. His "Guan Yu's Treasure Sword" swung left and right like a club, slashing and parrying, truly resembling Guan Yu's "Guan Family Sword Technique."
Lady Gan initially managed to hold on, but soon her moans became incessant, crying out, "Uncle's swordsmanship is unparalleled! Quickly take my life!"
Guan Yu charged forward with fierce power, having already slain Lady Gan ten times! He drew his precious sword and then killed Lady Mi.
Lady Mi had been waiting anxiously for a long time, her torment unbearable, her plump legs spread wide, awaiting her fate. Guan Yu roared, exerting all his strength to fight his powerful enemy, and once again had Lady Mi thrown off her armor, her body wet with desire. Guan Yu then grasped Lady Gan's beautiful breasts, refusing to let go, his two-foot-long beard draped over her large breasts, making her unbearably itchy.
Even with Guan Yu's boundless strength, they had been fighting for an hour. Lady Mi beneath him was disoriented, only able to moan wildly. Guan Yu could still hold on, but suddenly remembered Cao Cao's secret plan—if you're going to do something, do it all! So he roared like a tiger and thrust forth!
Lady Mi was struck dumb, her eyes rolled back, and she collapsed like a limp insect, fainting. Lady Gan hurriedly grasped Guan Yu's penis and vigorously licked and kissed it, soon becoming erect again. Guan Yu then took advantage of Lady Gan, repeating the process, until she too climaxed and collapsed.
From then on, Guan Yu and his two sisters-in-law engaged in their nightly lovemaking. This continued until Guan Yu rode alone for a thousand miles, found Liu Bei, married, and had children, only then did he stop. How laughable was that Liu Bei, only concerned with his own ambition for hegemony, completely disregarding the lives of his wife and children, ultimately earning the title of "King of Cuckoldry," a title he remained unaware of until his death!

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