Jiang He, author of "The Prodigal God of All Time"

The Wandering God of Mischief

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Chapter 1: Huashan Huang Shigong
. Huashan Mountain is located near Huayin County, Shaanxi Province. Reaching over 3,000 meters in height, it comprises five peaks: North Peak (Yuntai), Central Peak (Yunu), West Peak (Lianhua), South Peak (Luoyan), and East Peak (Chaoyang). It is known as the "Number One Mountain Under Heaven." The peaks are towering, layered and verdant, clustered like flowers, with steep cliffs and sheer drops. Song Dynasty poet Kou Zhun's poem "Climbing Mount Hua" reads: "Only heaven is above, nothing higher or more existent; looking up, the red sun is near; looking back, the white clouds are low."
Mount Hua boasts many scenic spots, such as the sunrise at Chaoyang Peak, the Lotus Peak resembling a divine axe, the plank road spanning the sky and the magnificent Chess Pavilion, the Jade Maiden Peak where the phoenix is said to be played on a flute, and the Lanling Hall of the West Mountain Temple, all of which are scenic spots that have given birth to magical legends. Climbing to the summit and gazing into the distance, one sees the Wei River to the north, winding and twisting like a dragon spreading long clouds, its gentle and graceful beauty especially evident at dawn. The Yellow River flows from north to south, turning east at Fenglingdu, its course faintly visible.
A slight spring rain has fallen, and the misty clouds, about to turn pale yellow, shroud the peaks, cutting them in half.
At
the foot of the mountain, dozens of farmers, their hands clasped in baskets and hats, are driving their oxen into the fields for spring plowing in the misty rain.
Suddenly, thunder and lightning flashed, and torrential rain poured down. Farmers abandoned their fields and fled into the nearby thickets.
Suddenly, the clouds parted in the eastern sky, and a streak of azure light, accompanied by lightning and thunder, crashed down on the fields. Over a thousand oxen fell unconscious, except for one robust cow, which remained fearless, purring loudly towards the sky.
As the lightning flashed, a blue dragon emerged from the clouds, its wide-open, bell-like eyes scanning the earth.
It swooped down, circling above the cow in heat. The dragon angrily extended its forepaws, suddenly gripping the cow's horns. Its body arched, its head erect, saliva dripping from its mouth, its blue scales bursting open in excitement. Its hind legs gripped the cow's back, its tail raised high, and a two-foot-long, wet, erect, and red-hot dragon whip, hidden deep within its body, slowly extended, writhing and suddenly thrusting into the cow's genitals to mate.
The farmers, sheltering from the rain in the dense forest, were astonished by this sight. They looked at each other, speechless and bewildered.
A moment later, the lewd dragon roared to the sky, disappeared through the clouds, transformed into a streak of green light, and leisurely vanished.
The cow, exhausted and panting, collapsed to the ground, groaning softly…
The cow safely gave birth to a calf, which, apart from its dark green skin, was perfectly normal. The concerned farmers came to check on it, and seeing nothing amiss, and that the calf was not a monster, they gradually forgot about it as time passed.
Two years later.
The spring mountains remained the same, the birdsong and fragrance of flowers remained the same, the scenery was beautiful.
As dusk approached, the western sky was ablaze with colorful clouds, and a majestic Taoist priest arrived on a cloud, reaching the farmer's cowshed.
"Li Ergou? Are you selling this blue ox?"
Li Ergou was startled by the sudden question and turned around in surprise. He saw a Taoist priest, who was eight feet eighty feet tall, with yellow eyebrows, long earlobes, a crescent-shaped mouth, a three-sectioned nose, thick lips, and kind eyes. Li Ergou felt a sense of solemn respect.
Hearing the question, he asked in surprise, "Taoist priest! You must be from out of town. I regard this blue ox as my own child. Its work in a day is equivalent to that of ten oxen from other families. I will not blame it... How do you know my childhood name?"
The Taoist priest ignored him and slowly walked towards the blue ox. He gently stroked its back for a moment with affection and said with a smile, "We are from the same Li family. This blue ox is destined to be with me, so I have come to offer my prayers! This ingot of gold is enough for you to buy dozens of oxen. If you don't sell it, your family may suffer misfortune in a year!"
The Taoist priest held up an ingot of yellow-orange gold in his right hand and smiled at Li Ergou.
Upon seeing the considerable weight of the gold—enough to buy dozens of strong oxen—Li Ergou immediately changed his mind, replying, "Sell! Sell! Without food, even father and son will turn against each other. Money makes the world go round. Fortune telling and physiognomy are all nonsense. A person's mouth is just two pieces of skin; their words can change! How can you believe such things!" He hurriedly led the blue ox to the Taoist priest, happily accepting the gold ingot. Sizing it, he was extremely satisfied. He looked up and asked, "Taoist priest! You said you're from the same clan… what is your name?" "
My surname is Li, my given name is Er, my courtesy name is Boyang, and I am known as 'Laozi'."
With that, he led the blue ox away, seemingly disappearing without a trace, as if vanished into thin air.
Riding the ox out of the pass, never to return, the white clouds drift aimlessly for a thousand years.
Five hundred years later.
North of the Cloud Terrace on Mount Hua, at the Azure Dragon Ridge.
In the western sky, a large bird flew swiftly, its golden light flashing.
The divine bird, the Golden-Winged Roc, with its hooked claws, tightly gripped a dejected azure dragon.
The Golden-Winged Roc flew to Azure Dragon Ridge. Suddenly, it swooped down, twenty feet above the ridge, its claws outstretched, and the azure dragon plummeted like a meteor, crushing several pine trees.
Upon landing, the azure dragon spoke in human language, crying out, "Brother Pengyu! Did you try to kill me? We have no grudges, why throw me so violently?"
The Golden-Winged Roc stood on a cloud, slightly flapping its wings, causing the clouds to scatter and a gust of wind to sweep across, making the pine trees on the mountain rustle loudly.
In an instant, a valiant general clad in golden armor materialized, wielding a Vajra staff, and roared, "Lustful dragon! Stop trying to curry favor! My cousin is bewitched by you, unable to eat or drink. Has she offended you on your long journey? I am here by imperial decree to have you reincarnated. Don't delay, I must return to the Heavenly Court to report. Do not make a mistake!"
The lustful dragon coiled into a circle, and with a flick of its wrist, transformed into a handsome young man. Dressed in scholar's robes, with a turban tied around his head, he clasped his hands in a gesture of respect and pleaded urgently, "Brother! We are still related by marriage, please spare me this time! I truly do not wish to be reincarnated. I wish to return to the 'Earthly Realm' with you, marry the 'Red-Winged Woman,' and cultivate myself to achieve enlightenment!"
Peng Yu, the eagle-like figure, glared at the scholar, scoffing and saying with utter contempt, "You brat! My cousin already hates you to the bone. No matter how eloquent you are, trying to reconcile is futile. First, cleanse your licentious and fickle nature, then reincarnate and cultivate yourself properly!"
The scholar's mind was already blank . Chaotic and panicked, the scholar asked, "Brother! Where will I be reborn? Will I still be able to ascend to the ranks of immortals? I've heard that there's a mystery surrounding reincarnation; will I lose all my magical powers?"
Peng Yu, his sleeves billowing and eyes gleaming with rage, retorted, "You brat! I haven't offended Heaven, I have no experience with this, how would I know? Don't make a fool of yourself, Heaven's will is just! The time has come, enough nonsense. There's a well-off family named Li at the foot of Canglong Ridge; that's where you'll be reborn. Go down!" Without another word, Peng Yu lightly waved his magic weapon, unleashing a golden light, powerful and unstoppable, like a giant roc seizing a tiger.
The scholar, flustered and indignant, roared like a dragon, raising his feet to resist, but the light bound him like a net, turning him into a golden ball that plummeted down the mountain.
"You brat! In this reincarnation, you've escaped five hundred years of misfortune. Perhaps what you lose in one place will be gained in another. What's meant to be will be. Go back to Heaven and report!"
Peng Yu transformed back into the golden-winged roc, spread his wings, and flew westward with lightning speed.
Seventeen years later.
On the Azure Dragon Ridge, a path carved into the rock on the left is called "Ear-Scraping Cliff." Passing through Ear-Scraping Cliff leads to "King Yama's Bat." This is the most treacherous place on Mount Hua, a life-or-death ordeal for travelers. After passing this point, the road gradually widens, and there is an archway inscribed with "Imperial Path to Ascension." Passing through the archway is the Imperial Path. Climbing the steps, both sides are sheer cliffs, steep and scorching. After reaching the top of the Imperial Path, the ridge ends, and the road cuts off, marking the highest point of Azure Dragon Ridge.
At this moment, a point of blue light, like a star, rushes towards Azure Dragon Ridge from the south.
In the blink of an eye, the blue star expands rapidly, becoming like a full moon.
Within the azure dome, a robust blue ox suddenly appeared, with a young man with a crown-like face riding on its back. He appeared to be only seventeen or eighteen years old and was excitedly galloping towards them.
The blue ox's four hooves trod on auspicious multicolored clouds as it galloped wildly, bursting forth with starlight and sparks, hissing and crackling, leaving a dazzling streak of starlight in the air.
The handsome young man with a face like a king, red lips and white teeth shouted, "Xiao Qing! Go for it! Go faster! This feeling of soaring through the clouds is so exhilarating, so exhilarating! Forget about your senior brother's exam, we have the incense as proof, there's still plenty of time, let's go around again!"
Li Tanhua was in high spirits, laughing at the Huashan group of tables, patting the green ox's plump cheeks, pointing directly to the valley below.
The green ox understood, let out a bellow, and galloped off the clouds, rushing straight into the valley. A fierce wind swept through, startling thousands of beasts and birds, who fled in terror, like lost souls, their deep roars echoing endlessly.
Li Tanhua, mischievous and playful, clapped his hands in mid-air. With a mysterious angle, he created two whirlwinds, sweeping away the fleeing birds in the air. In an instant, they fell like raindrops, none escaping his grasp.
A strange and wondrous sight! The birds on the left were frozen solid, landing on the bed with a "thud." The birds on the right, touched by the wind, scorched and smoked, igniting the dense forest.
Seeing this, Li Tanhua leaped up and stood on the ox's back. He pulled down his trousers, took out his "treasure," and urinated in mid-air, then pulled down his trousers and let out a loud fart. Muttering incantations, the fart, mixed with urine, swirled and scattered, scattering across the burning forest on the right. The flames were extinguished, but the stench was overwhelming.
The ox, snorting and grinning, seemed to revel in its master's pleasure, its enthusiasm growing even stronger. It galloped about, chasing after wild animals darting through the mountains, raising its horns and butting into wild boars and deer, causing them to howl and roar incessantly.
Li Tanhua jumped for joy, clapping and cheering.
Suddenly, his eardrums vibrated as his senior brother's thunderous voice boomed, "You brat, you've committed another murder! Don't you know Heaven cherishes life?"
Li Tanhua, true to his arrogant nature, replied using his secret telepathic communication, "Senior brother, your teachings on behalf of our master are like those of a loving father; I am deeply grateful. But your frightening antics while riding the wind and breaking through the clouds are terrifying. What if I were to fall off a cliff in shock and be shattered to pieces? Who would take care of you then?"
"Tanhua! You can't change your dissolute nature. You're always glib and never speak a serious word. How can you shoulder the responsibility of exorcising demons and monsters? Learn from your nephew Zhang Liang's gentlemanly demeanor. Unlike you! Your supposed ability to summon wind and rain has turned into 'urinating wind and rain,' a disgrace to Taoism! You've produced a precious prodigal son!"
"Senior brother! Wait a minute! The other day, Master praised me as a born dragon, a once-in-a-millennium talent, with unparalleled intelligence and wisdom!"
"I really can't do anything with you! Mischievous, naughty, and cunning, you're ignorant yet stubborn, a piece of rotten wood that can't be separated from you!"
"Senior brother! What's wrong with being clever? How can an immortal not know the inside story? One must be knowledgeable in everything to impart knowledge and resolve doubts. What's so good about that pedantic Zhang Liang? The emperor wanted to kill him, but he still dared to defy him. It's like a blind man carrying a lantern
, a waste of effort!" "Tanhua! What kind of analogy is that? It's nonsensical. Forget it! Just now, Master sent a talisman to warn us that at noon today, the Gui Yin will be in power, and the Heavenly Dog will devour the sun
. The Gui Yin will be fierce and domineering, a once-in-a-century event. Come down quickly! You're still a mortal. If it weren't for the divine light shield of the Green Ox protecting you, you would have been destroyed long ago." How could he disobey his master's words? Li Tanhua hurriedly patted the Green Ox's forehead with his right hand and said, "Little Green! Let's go back to 'Botai Cave Heaven' so that Senior Brother won't be anxious!" "
The Green Ox understood. It raised its head and lightly snorted in the rain.
'Giddy up!' It sped off! The Green Ox's four hooves thundered, creating a sudden gust of wind and thunder, and it raced towards the direction of Botai Peak.
'Botai' was a huge yellow rock, firmly and steadily perched atop the mountain, seemingly a fallen stone from the heavens, proudly standing amidst the mountains.
On the mountainside of Chaoyang Peak was a wide natural cave, with the four characters 'Botai Cave Heaven' inscribed on the stone wall at the entrance. Huang Shigong, on the Xiaqitan Bridge, due to worldly ties, three times removed his boots to transform Zhang Liang, bestowing upon him three volumes of military strategy, before retiring to this place to cultivate.
The Green Ox reached the cave entrance, when suddenly two eagles flew in and crashed into it, blocking its path. The Green Ox, with its lightning speed, could not be stopped and hastily dodged in fright.
'Boom! Crash…' The mountain shook, stone chips flew everywhere, and rocks slid down.
The Green Ox, as fast as an arrow, crashed into the mountain wall beside the cave, leaving only its tail dangling in mid-air."
"Senior brother! Save me..."
Li Tanhua, caught off guard, was thrown into the air and plummeted down a sheer cliff. He was momentarily helpless, on the verge of being shattered to pieces.
Suddenly, a five-colored auspicious cloud arrived like thunder. Standing on the cloud was an immortal, with white hair and a youthful face, kind eyes and scholarly features. His five-stranded hair was as white as a waterfall, and his Confucian robes fluttered in the wind.
Huang Shigong offered him a dragon-headed staff. Upon seeing it, Li Tanhua desperately clung to it, stepping on a wine gourd bound with red silk, stabilizing himself, and exhaling a sigh of relief, having saved his life.
"Senior brother! Thank you! Quickly pull me up! My hands are sore and numb from holding onto the dragon staff, I'm about to fall!"
"Bear with it for a moment, we'll return to 'Bogu Cave Heaven' immediately. Do not touch me with your 'unlucky right hand,' or you'll suffer the same misfortune as the Green Ox."
Huang Shigong carried the dragon-headed staff, and Li Tanhua, like a fish on a fishing rod, dangled in mid-air. He returned to the cave heaven on his cloud, unloaded the "fish," and walked to the cave entrance, lightly slapping the mountain wall.
"Boom!" The cave heaven trembled slightly, and the Green Ox, which had burrowed into the mountain wall, bounced back out.
The Green Ox, dazed and confused, stumbled into the cave, its eyes wide open, staring at Li Tanhua with a horrified expression, pleading with soft moans.
Li Tanhua smiled apologetically, extending his left hand to gently stroke the Green Ox's forehead. Only then did the Green Ox raise its hind hooves and extend its tongue to gently touch the back of Li Tanhua's left hand, displaying extreme intimacy.
Huang Shigong said unhappily, "Junior Brother! I've told you countless times, anything or anyone touched by your right hand's 'bad luck' must be touched by your left hand's 'good luck' to avoid bad luck. How come you always forget?"
"Senior Brother! I got a little carried away while riding the clouds just now, I know I was wrong... I guess it was unintentional!"
"Oh! Forget it, you've had too many 'unintentional mistakes'!" The dozens of medicinal herbs in the Seven Dragons Red Clay Treasure Urn are already burnt. Go and soak in it!"
"I love taking medicinal baths the most. I haven't had one for two days and I really miss it! This medicinal bath not only relaxes my muscles and bones and makes me feel energetic, but it also gives me a body of copper and iron, and makes me immune to all poisons. I remember once I accidentally stepped on a poisonous snake, and it turned around and bit me, but its two big fangs couldn't penetrate my skin, so it was useless."
As Li Tanhua spoke, he took off his clothes and jumped naked into the Seven Dragons Red Clay Urn. The fragrant aroma of herbs filled the air, the water temperature was just right, and the surface was smooth and silky,
making Li Tanhua thoroughly enjoy his wash. Huang Shigong sat cross-legged before the medicine urn, raising his palms and silently channeling his divine power, unleashing pure Yin energy to freeze the urn.
The Green Ox stood behind the urn, its mouth wide open, spewing forth raging flames that heated it.
The alternating hot and cold sensations, after a moment, caused the seven intricately carved dragons on the red clay urn to emit a dazzling seven-colored light, coiling and swirling above Li Tanhua's head before disappearing into the Nine Palaces of the Neck.
Li Tanhua was momentarily stunned by this unexpected encounter, feeling an unbearable heat within him, but only for a fleeting moment. It transformed into a cool, refreshing sensation throughout his body. At that instant, his skin changed, radiating a faint, jade-like glow, crystal clear, before vanishing in an instant.
Li Tanhua felt refreshed and invigorated, his limbs stretched out, and he was overjoyed, humming a little tune and singing a leisurely song.
「师兄！太棒了……但我觉得气动还不足！小青，火焰再大点，可别偷懒，井舀三遍吃好水，人爱调教武艺高……」曲调一转：「天不怕，地不怕，只怕乌龟打官话……兄弟刀枪劫，血沾外人鞋……不要黄金白银，只要回眸生情……皓腕欺雪葱指滑，余香在怀心牵挂：春风春风啊且莫定，吹向仙府啊玉洞天……那奶子哟……师兄曰」玉洞天「有我们」博台洞天「大吗？」
「碎！胡蔼乱语，越唱越不像话，简直下流，尽学些下三滥的东西！」
「师兄！你有所不知，我曾溜到乡村玩耍，见有地痞流氓做坏事，凭我这身」铜皮铁骨「，揍得他们服服贴贴的。」
"What bad thing did that scoundrel do that you stumbled upon?"
"Senior brother! There was a man and a woman, completely naked, in the hut. The man was abusing the woman, riding on top of her, and singing. The woman kept screaming, 'I'm dying... I'm dying...' Seeing that someone was about to die, I knew I had to save her. So I broke down the door, dragged that despicable man down, and beat him until he was crawling on the ground like a turtle begging for mercy. Only then did I spare his life!"
"Oh! Really! What are you talking about! Sigh! I don't know what Master saw in you? I'm so annoyed!"
Li Tanhua hurriedly poked his head out, staring in surprise at Huang Shigong, whose face was filled with anger.
"Senior brother! What's wrong? Did I say something wrong? Please don't be angry. I sing and talk to cheer you up. Even if it doesn't sound good, you don't need to get angry! Master said that when you're practicing Qi cultivation, you can't get angry or overjoyed, or you'll go into a Qi deviation... Are you really angry?"
"Alas! You, Tanhua, lost both your parents less than three years after you were born. Master saw your innocent and carefree nature and brought you back, only saying that you had a deep connection with the young man on your mount, but who knew...?"
"Senior brother! What's my relationship with Xiaoqing? Xiaoqing and I get along very well!"
"I don't know what our relationship is either. Ask Master when you have the chance!"
"Senior brother! What happened next?"
"Master carried you to the Heavenly Realm to visit fellow Daoists, where you encountered Jiang Ziya's shrewish wife, 'Broom Star,' and the 'God of Fortune,' Yang Cheng. Seeing how adorable you were, they fawned over Master, vying to adopt you as their godson, each giving you their true energy. That's why you currently have 'good fortune' in your left hand and 'bad luck' in your right. Master instructed me to raise you for the past ten years, but I've suffered enough because of you..." Li Tanhua listened with great interest as Huang Shigong recounted his origins, eagerly asking, "Senior brother! How..." "Have I caused you trouble? Even a deity like you suffers?"
Huang Shigong finished his work, sweat beading on his forehead. He wiped it with his sleeve, stroked his white beard, and muttered, seemingly unrelated, "Third Scholar! The Seven-Colored Dragon has appeared, and the 'Copper Skin and Iron Bones' technique is finally complete. These ten years haven't been in vain. Unless it's a thousand-year-old divine artifact, ordinary iron can't harm you. You're playful by nature, unable to concentrate, and your Taoist skills are disorganized. Only this treasure urn can help you forge your 'External Divine Chains'."
"Senior Brother! Master always comes and goes in a hurry. What is he so busy with? I vaguely remember when I was little, you used to carry me around on clouds to visit friends. Why haven't you taken me out for the past ten years?"
"Third Scholar! You're still playing around! I've never seen anyone as mischievous and naughty as you. You almost made me turn against some of my fellow Daoists. You plucked all the feathers off the divine cranes in the 'Divine Crane Pool' of the Antarctic Immortal, and even killed several of them; you played with and broke the divine bell in the Palace of the God of Destiny, causing chaos in the movement of the stars and creating a 'leap month,' which led to the God of Destiny official Zhang Heng being banished to the mortal realm by the Jade Emperor, and he was so angry that he broke off relations with me; the twenty-odd fairies who managed the Peach Garden took turns hugging you because they thought you were cute." How ridiculous! In no time at all, over a dozen peach trees touched by your "unlucky right hand" withered and died; you tried to tear the fairy maidens' robes and suckle their milk, making them yearn for motherhood. Just then, the Queen Mother of the West's carriage passed by and saw the fairies' wanton laughter and shameful behavior, so she banished them all to the mortal realm to suffer the torment of unrequited love. Now I'm kneeling before the Queen Mother, holding you, begging for forgiveness... Alas! You've really ruined everything for me. Do you think I'd still dare to take you out to visit friends?
"Senior brother! Really? I have absolutely no recollection of this!"
"Still saying you don't remember? If it weren't for Master's strict discipline regarding your lifelong dissolute and demonic nature, and his instructions for me to constantly gather elixirs to concoct for you over the past ten years, who knows what kind of trouble you would have caused!"
Living in the mountains where there is no sun or moon, and spending his days with the green ox, Li Tanhua, now a young man, was still innocent and pure, like a rough
, unpolished jade. He remained unchanged, playing with his slingshot, and asked with his head held high, "Senior brother! Did you pass today's flight test?" "Yes! You did. Your 'Flash Spirit Chasing Star' is as fast as lightning; escaping and protecting yourself is no problem. Master instructed that as long as the seven-colored light of the Seven Dragons Red Clay Urn blesses you, your flight will be complete, and you can descend the mountain!"
"Descend the mountain? You mean I can travel to the Three Rivers and Five Mountains and broaden my horizons?"
"Yes, traveling ten thousand miles is better than reading ten thousand books. But having lived in the high mountains for so long, you haven't witnessed the dangers of the world. I wonder if you can adapt to worldly life? Let alone spreading the Way and helping the world, saving all sentient beings?"
Li Tanhua also sensed something, thinking to himself, "Yes! I am but a mortal, I can't escape eating, drinking, defecating, urinating, and sleeping. For the past ten years, I've never worried about material possessions. As the saying goes, 'If one person is well-fed, the whole family is at peace.' I am alone; if I can't even manage two things, how can I help others if I'm starving?" "Let's stay in the mountains... But the outside world is too tempting. If we don't venture out, won't we waste years? At worst, like last time, I'll eat and drink for free and get a beating from the guys. But with a body of steel, what's there to fear? The world is full of expenses... Hehe! I've got it! 'Botai Cave' is full of Shang and Qin artifacts. I'll take a few as travel expenses, and I won't have to worry about eating and sleeping in the open. That's decided."
Li Tanhua shrugged habitually, rubbed his hands together on his face, and secretly rejoiced.

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