Paradox H - ☆, Another Thunderstorm

The idea of meeting the parents wasn't entirely unfounded. Compared to her parents, with whom she had little emotional connection, her second uncle was actually more like a father to Ling Sinan in a true sense. Although Ling Sinan had never called him that to his face, she had long considered him her father in private.
Ling Geng lived a solitary life and, in death, sought peace and quiet, burying himself alone in a cemetery on the outskirts of Qinghe City.
Because he had severed ties with the Ling family before his death, even though Zhou Yuchan still offered help during the final stages of chemotherapy, it did not affect her second uncle's decision not to be buried in the Ling family cemetery. The Ling family, of course, also had its pride and would not beg him to be buried there after his death.
Three incense sticks burned in the incense burner, wisps of smoke rising from them. Ling Sinan squatted in front of the gray tombstone, staring blankly at the photo of her second uncle on the tombstone.
The day her second uncle died in his hospital bed, she cried bitterly. It felt like the world was about to end, and all she could see was darkness. But after that day, Ling Sinan never cried again. Keeping vigil, the funeral procession, the burial... she, a girl who had just turned eighteen, single-handedly shouldered everything, and did it exceptionally well.
It's not that I'm heartless, it's just that I'm truly in pain and don't tell anyone.
The person who cared about you the most is already dead, so what's the use of crying?
A pair of long legs stood beside her.
Ling Sinan hugged her knees and looked up at the tall, slender figure beside her.
At midday, the noisy chirping of cicadas filled the cemetery; there was no wind, only the warmth of the sun.
Her eyes were glared at by the sunlight, making it hard to open them. She shielded her eyes with her hand and squinted to make out his outline.
The boy's profile is clean, with sharp, resolute lines from his chin to his Adam's apple, a sign of growing maturity.
When he's serious, he's more like a trustworthy man.
Her younger brother.
Ling Qingyuan had just finished tidying up around the cemetery, beads of sweat still glistening on his forehead. He glanced down at his sister, raising an eyebrow in confusion: "Why are you squatting?"
"I just... want to get closer and talk to him."
Ling Qingyuan looked puzzled: "I didn't hear you say anything either."
“Just say it in your heart, why do I need you to hear it?” Ling Sinan bit her lip and glared at him. “What if you catch me doing something wrong?” Actually, she just hoped that her second uncle was doing well in another world, and then told him trivial things like that she had been admitted to F University. Regardless of whether there really is a heaven or a hell in this world, it is inevitable that one will have endless things to say to deceased relatives.
Ling Sinan's philosophy of life, which dislikes causing trouble for others, led her to keep even these kinds of outpourings to herself and do them silently.
Before coming, she deliberately didn't invite Qingyuan, thinking she would come and have a good cry.
But upon arriving here, I found that the emotions I had never dared to confront had been diluted by time, losing some of their unforgettable impact and gaining more of a compromise with reality.
Humans are truly resilient animals.
"What else do you have that I don't know about? You're acting so suspiciously." Ling Qingyuan also squatted down and leaned close to her ear. "Did you tell your second uncle about me, sister?" he asked quietly. Even though there were only two of them, it was as if they were afraid of being overheard by their second uncle, and they whispered in each other's ears.
Ling Sinan composed herself: "N-nothing—what do you have to say, you're just a greenhorn."
"Huh?" Ling Qingyuan opened his mouth slightly, then smiled and his eyes crinkled: "Why are you so nervous? You're even stuttering."
She turned her head to glare at him, but just then he suddenly moved closer, and the two siblings almost bumped noses together.
Ling Qingyuan didn't back away, but instead crossed his arms and whispered, "Someone seems to be head over heels in love with this young lad, what's his name again? Oh—" He pretended to suddenly realize something, then turned to look at the tombstone: "Second Uncle, that person's name seems to be Ling Si..."
"Ling Qingyuan!" Ling Sinan quickly covered his mouth. "You dare to joke in the cemetery? Aren't you afraid of divine retribution?" Seriously, this younger brother of yours is utterly despicable.
With her mouth covered, Ling Qingyuan's high, straight nose and a pair of peach-blossom eyes were visible. Her amber eyes slowly turned and looked at her, then she raised her hand and pulled her palm down. "It's not a joke, sister."
He paused, then repeated seriously, "It's not a joke."
Ling Sinan was stunned by his seriousness.
“I told you, I’m here to meet your parents.” He reached out, placed his large hand on the back of her head, and pulled her towards him.
To her sister's shock, she placed a gentle kiss on her lips.
Her thin lips were soft, and she seemed to want more.
Then he stepped back, stared into her wide eyes, and chuckled.
"What...what are you doing..." Ling Sinan pressed her clenched fist to her lips, looked away, and even her voice was soft and sweet as she scolded, "This is a cemetery."
"Don't talk like that." Her shy demeanor aroused him, and Ling Qingyuan kissed her again: "You're messing with me."
“You’re my brother…” She glanced at the tombstone with a struggle, “My second uncle will be angry.” She said this, but her tone was very guilty.
"I'm angry? Are you going to do anything about it?" He pursed his lips, then patted his knees and stood up: "Even an ugly daughter-in-law has to meet her in-laws sooner or later, and besides, I'm not ugly."
Ling Sinan couldn't help but smile as she looked at this "young wife," and suddenly exclaimed "Ah!" as she was about to get up.
"What's wrong?"
"My legs are numb..." she looked up pitifully, "I can't stand up."
Ling Qingyuan sighed and spread his hands towards her: "On the one hand, you don't want your second uncle to know, but on the other hand, you're acting like this with your younger brother."
“Acting like a spoiled child doesn’t count. A sister can act spoiled with her brother too.” She slowly stood up, holding his hand, speaking in a matter-of-fact tone.
The two stood before the tombstone, dappled sunlight filtering through the trees and falling on their shoulders, accompanied by the chirping of cicadas in the summer.
"Second Uncle." Ling Qingyuan said quietly, his gaze fixed on the photo of the honest-looking man on the tombstone, "As for my sister... I took her in."
Ling Sinan nudged him with her elbow.
Ling Qingyuan grabbed her hand, and before she could break free, his fingers were intertwined with hers.
"Whether you agree or disagree, even if you're so angry you come back from the dead, I'm not releasing him." Qingyuan glanced around, thought for a couple of seconds, and then said, "If he really came back, I guess my sister would be happy, right?"
"If I really came back, I'd beat you to death first." Ling Sinan was both annoyed and amused. "Can't you talk about something serious? Aren't you ashamed at all?"
"Why be ashamed?" He lazily raised an eyebrow, then looked up and gazed into the distance. Two fledglings on a distant branch fluttered their wings and finally slowly flew into the sky. "...We don't owe anyone anything."
Ling Sinan's gaze followed his, and the strength in her hand involuntarily tightened.
"My second uncle doesn't care whether the Ling family has any offspring, so what's wrong with us?" He rarely used such a gentle tone, like the sound of a zither that once flowed from his hands, calming people's minds.
“He won’t find anyone who likes you more than me, sister.”
Sincerity, and so what's wrong with that?
The colors "qinghongzaobai" are not symbols of right and wrong.
The rules are just too unfair.
The two finished their memorial service in the afternoon.
It wasn't Qingming Festival or a weekend, so there were very few people visiting the cemetery to sweep the tombs. The cemetery was deserted, with only a few rows of camphor trees standing on either side. The early summer heat was already beginning to show, and the sound of cicadas rose and fell with the heat waves. Ling Sinan sat under the shade of a tree opposite Ling Geng's tombstone, sharing the food after the memorial service with her younger brother.
She fanned herself with her hand and glanced at her younger brother who was quietly eating a pancake beside her.
After sitting for a morning, the pancakes were no longer crispy and naturally not as tasty. However, since he only had one pair of chopsticks with him, he took the paper-wrapped pancakes and ate them very well. He was very well-behaved when he ate, chewing them in small bites without making a sound, and managed to make a pancake taste like a high-end Western meal.
“…You know what? Actually, pancakes are my second uncle’s favorite.” Ling Sinan said, probably trying to soothe her own guilt.
Ling Qingyuan looked at the tombstone across the way and said, "Hmm."
凌思南有点惊讶：“你真知道？你认识二叔？”在她印象里，凌清远从来没有来过二叔家，要不她怎么会在两人相逢时一点也没认出来？
“见过，很多次。”凌清远侧目瞥她，像是有什么话想说，但还是止于口中。
她惊讶得很：“咦咦？什么时候？”
……什么时候？
凌清远陷入回想。
老实说，十三岁前他对凌耿的印象很模糊，甚至都没有把他和姐姐离开那一日，出现在家里的那个男人的轮廓对应起来，而那个男人曾经一度是他怨憎的对象之一。
可是十三岁时，也就是父母带他从澳洲回来后不久，他们去拜访祖母周玉婵，恰恰好撞上了凌耿。
还有……
那时别墅门口，一个靠在石柱上探头探脑的少女。
彼时凌清远坐在别墅的院子里石椅上看书，凌崇亮和几个远房堂亲还在周围闹腾，只有他不经意的抬眼注意到了。男孩对于新鲜的面孔总是充满好奇，哪怕是一直以来被严苛教养的他也一样按捺不住地多看了几眼。
不知为什么，总有一种熟悉感。
然后别墅的门打开，一个男人从别墅里大步走出来，步履匆匆。
凌邈夫妇率先冲了出来，随后奶奶也走出了门外，对着那个男人大声怒喝，这还是凌清远第一次见到奶奶生气。
可是男人依然不管不顾，站在石径上侧过身，强调他再也不会踏进这里半步。
凌清远的目光那一刻被点亮，敬慕的种子于心里萌芽。
——他也想有一天，能像这个人一样，对这个家说不。
“这个人是谁？”凌清远问同样被争吵吸引的玩伴。
凌崇亮显然很满意这个被家里誉为天才的堂弟也有不知道的事儿，得意地担起了解答的责任：“那是二叔伯，你没见过吧？老早就不在凌家了。”
“二叔伯……？”
“对啊，你不是还有一个姐姐吗，就是他领养走的啊。”
凌清远的瞳光一凛。
那天之前，他只知道姐姐被人带走了，可是从来不知道对方是谁，父母也从来不肯告诉他。
几乎是下意识地，他的视线猛然转向门口那抹人影。
那时她也因为别墅内的嘈杂声而不禁探。
只是她并没有注意到花园里那几个年龄不一的男孩们，注意力全都在门里一触即的情景上。
他听到女孩小声地唤，像是要阻止男人和家人起冲突。
那还是凌清远阔别七年后，第一次听见姐姐的声音。
手中的书本被握紧，男孩还略显青涩的脸上浮起一丝焦躁的情绪。
他等她……
好久了。
那以后，凌清远打听到二叔伯的住处——初次来的时候，他本来也没打算和谁相认，却恰好被凌耿撞见了。
大概是血缘的关系，凌耿一眼就现了他，几番对话下来，倒是觉得这个侄子和凌家人不同。
后来有那么几次，凌清远总是挑着姐姐不在的时候偷偷来，也不知是因为心里对姐姐的怨怼一直没有消散，还是其他什么原因，总之就这样，姐弟两人之间隔着一层看不见的距离，而距离中间的媒介，就是凌耿。
他从凌耿那里知道了姐姐的近况，也渐渐了解到了凌耿这个人。
但更多的时候，他会安静地矗立在巷角的阴影中，远望不是父女胜似父女的两个亲人。
就算是个孩子，却也已经很懂事地明白，这个世界，活着的每个人都有自己的圆。
而他，大概是那个，不适合踏入她圆的人。
所以，这只是自己窥视幸福的一角，体会自己渴望人生的一角。
那个黄昏，他从紧锣密鼓的课后班里逃了出来，坐在二叔伯家门前的榕树下着呆。
回家后又要面临漫长的紧闭，他的世界，这样的循环似乎永无止境。
夕阳在长巷老房之间的缝隙里藏匿起来，似暗非暗，只有一缕投射到他的脚边，照亮男孩一双干净的白鞋。
他低着头，视线里出现了一双沾了几点泥泞的帆布鞋。
“快天黑了，你怎么一个人在这里？”
瞳仁微绽，男孩缓缓地仰起头。
少女倾身偏着脑袋，笑容清淡却很温柔，“早点回家吧，最近这里的路灯坏了，晚上不安全。”
本来只是随口嘱咐的话，她却不曾想男孩下一刻眼角有泪倏地淌了下来。
黄昏巷子里没有多少光亮，他又被笼罩在她的影子里，只是滚落的泪被风吹开，滴在她的手背。
怔愣了片刻，总算在微光里慌乱地现那水滴来自他的眼眶，她赶忙拧身拿起书包翻找。
“欸欸，你怎么就哭了啊，是跟爸妈吵架了吗？”
他摇头。
纸巾落在他干涩的皮肤上，轻轻擦拭：“那是被人欺负了？”
他不说话，只是无声地掉泪。
“你看起来也没比我小多少啊，怎么男孩子还这么能哭……”她有些尴尬地小声嘀咕，索性在他边上坐下来。
这句话让他的泪水蓦地止住了。
大概是现了他刻意忍住眼泪，凌思南又觉得有点不好意思：“那个……如果你真的想哭，其实哭一下也好，我不打扰你，但你记得早点回去——”刚想要起身，她的袖子却被揪住了。
“姐姐。”
他第一次出声音。
那时正临近他的变声期，男孩的嗓子有一些嘶哑，这声姐姐并不是那么好听。
不过凌思南还是坐了回去，“看在这声姐姐份上，要我帮你做什么吗？”
他又沉默地摇头。
虽然是个男孩，但是模糊的光线里，也能看出清秀的五官轮廓，挂着泪痕的脸让人心生不忍。
凌思南自觉自己在这里安抚一个陌生男孩有点奇怪，可是一分隐约的亲近感又让她放不下。
“不管是什么困难，咬咬牙总会过去的。”她拍了拍男孩的背，不太会安慰人的笨拙动作，却又莫名得让人安心。
注意到男孩的目光望向自己，凌思南清了清嗓子：“人有坏运，也会有好运，等等就好啦。你看我……”还想拿自己做例子，突然又觉得这样聊起自己也很怪，所以主动住了口。
“等不到的。”凌清远转而望向巷口即将消失的那一抹光线，“他们改变不了的。”
“那就改变你自己啊。”凌思南想也没想，“干嘛要等别人呢，自己想办法让自己过得好一点——何必在乎他们？”
她说到这里，听到身后熟悉的脚步声，蓦地回头：“二叔——”匆匆忙忙迎了上去。
凌清远伸出的手，手心里那最后一缕光线，消失了。
女孩和归来的长辈说了三两句，手指指向来时的榕树下，可是两人再度望去的时候，那里却再没有任何人存在的痕迹。
华灯初上，映照出千家万户的夜晚。
男孩站在浓墨似的夜色里，和黑暗融为一体。
姐姐她，已经找到了属于自己的圆。
很快回来这句话，自然是不会兑现了。
我不会再来打扰你，因为我们也不会再有交集。
可能，终究只是可能而已。
如果有可能这件事。
——姐姐，你能不能带我走呢？
“清远？”
他收回了思绪。
“怎么了，呆这么久？”凌思南放下手里的饭盒，抬手抚上他的额，“别不是中暑了吧？唔……温度还好。”那双眸子里盛满了关切的神情，丝毫不加掩饰。
凌清远忽然抿了抿唇。
一手揽过她，抵着她的额，轻轻一吻。
“现在你在乎我了。”
“嗯？”
回程的公交车上，她靠着他的肩膀沉沉入睡。
凌清远偏着头轻蹭过她的头顶，望着窗外掠过的城市。
所有的改变，都是值得的。
我不再求你带我走。
我会带你走。
……
……
夏夜的雨说来就来。
窗外的天自傍晚起就阴沉沉的，闷雷在天际翻滚，很快倾盆大雨就拍打在落地窗上。
今天刘妈临时请假没有来，凌思南做好了晚饭和清远两人一起吃了一顿。
除开昨天等弟弟回家，父母这段时间晚归已是常事，今天也一样，邱善华出差在外，凌邈更有一个重要的饭局，打了电话说今晚会在酒店过夜。
凌思南松了一口气。
一段时间以来家里的低气压已经让她压抑得不行，总算有短暂的自由时间。
也是……
洗过澡从浴室出来的她，目光望向沙上的人影。
——难得的二人独处时间。
她拿着浴巾走过去，凌清远一手撑着靠背，懒洋洋睨向电视屏幕。
"I knew you didn't dry it properly." Ling Sinan covered his head with a towel and rubbed it through the cloth. "You'll get a headache if you don't dry it properly."
He naturally reached out and put his arm around her waist, then leaned his head against hers.
Ling Sinan felt ticklish from the warm breath on her lower abdomen and laughed as she pushed him away, saying, "What are you doing? Don't do this..."
"Sister..." His thin lips pressed against the middle of her nightgown, slowly pulling it up. The rest of his words were left unsaid, yet they were self-evident.
I haven't done it for a month.
His eyes told her that.
Ling Sinan bit her lip and shook her head shyly.
He released the fabric from his mouth. "Got someone new?"
"You're crazy." Ling Sinan tugged at his face. "...At home...I'm scared."
“They’re not coming back today.” Ling Qingyuan paused for a moment, then added, “Don’t be afraid. No matter what happens, I’m here.”
His fingertips roamed over her hips, then slowly slipped under her skirt.
It's been so long since I've done it, but my body still remembers the feel of it.
A sixteen-year-old boy is inherently insatiable.
Without her noticing, her underwear had been pulled down to the corner, and she straddled his waist, the two passionately kissing.
Thunder rumbled outside the window, even drowning out a faint electronic sound.
Ling Sinan, with her eyes closed, was still feeling her brother's tongue ravaging her mouth when she suddenly heard a man's voice—
"...Qing...Yuan?"
Like a thunderclap.

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Paradox H - ☆, Another Thunderstorm

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