foreign land

He gazed out the window; the northern winter was bleak, the ground covered in a blanket of cold snow. A faint melancholy hung over the few passengers on the train, making the large carriage seem even more desolate.

He took out the letter Saki had written to him, a surge of inexplicable emotion welling up inside him.

"I didn't expect her to still remember me," he sighed.

Wisps of steam condensed into white smoke on his glasses, blurring his vision so much that he could almost see Saki's slender figure swaying, captivatingly beautiful.

He leaned back in his seat, closed his eyes, and pondered.

He vividly remembered coming to Japan as an exchange student, staying at Saki's house. In just a few months, they had fallen in love—a high school student—their feelings so sweet and intense, their lives so fulfilling and joyful. But the ending was inevitably tragic.

Cross-cultural romances were rarely successful, especially with the political turmoil in their home country and the heavy traditional values of their parents, all of which forced them apart.

Love knows no borders, no race; as long as there is mutual affection, that is enough.

He despised those who uttered such words.

When the bus arrived at its stop, he got off and looked up; the residential area seemed unchanged.

A sudden gust of cold wind swept over him, making him shiver and tighten his grip on his coat.

After walking a considerable distance, he arrived at the Ito house.

He glanced at the doorbell and decided to knock, just as he had done years before when he first arrived.

Saki's younger sister answered the door.

In the years since, the once lively and energetic little girl had blossomed into a graceful young woman.

She led him into the house with a mixture of surprise and delight, chattering excitedly about her beloved Taiwanese older brother. Mrs. Ito gave him slippers and then led him to the living room.

The ever-hospitable Mr. Ito pulled him to sit on the rice table and chatted with him.

The warm tea dispelled his fear of the snowy cold, and he sipped it slowly.

"So warm..." he murmured with heartfelt gratitude.

A few years ago, he was still a student; now he was an old friend of Mr. Ito.

They talked animatedly about all sorts of topics—national affairs, life experiences, work complaints—they never seemed to run out of things to say, and

before they knew it, it was evening. It wasn't until Mrs. Ito urged the two men, who hadn't seen each other in a long time, to have dinner that he was surprised at how quickly time had passed. But Saki hadn't returned, and he was puzzled. So, during their conversation after dinner, he brought it up with Mr. Ito.

"Saki, she's moved out now… If you're going to visit her…" He got up and went to the cabinet to get paper and pen.

"Hmm… her address." After writing it down, Mr. Ito looked at it again and handed it to him.

"That's good. Saki is getting married soon; you can go and wish her well…" "Yes, I will." He nodded. Saki had already mentioned her marriage in her letter, so he wasn't particularly surprised.

Late at night, before he went upstairs to rest, he passed by Saki's old room, stopped, opened the door, and stared at it silently, lost in thought.

It seemed unchanged over the years.

In the empty room, he could almost see Saki, dressed in a blue sailor uniform, smiling and waving at him, her flawless face adorned with two round, adorable dimples.

「不知道她现在怎幺样了？她的男朋友会不会像我以前对她那幺好呢？」他再度把自己封进过去的回忆中。

忽然一阵声音从耳边响起，「想早纪吗？」伊籐太太正抱着棉被要给他，经过走道时看见他发呆，很关心地问着。

「喔，喔，对不起... 对不起... 」他为自己的失态表示歉意。忽然转个念头「这个... 早纪通常什幺时候会回到她的住处呢？」他缓缓而坚定地问着...

那是一个阴霾的午后，他徒步走过整个都厅，大街上面无表情的人群从他身边流过，他也消逝在无边无际的人海深处。

一滴水对于汪洋大海的无奈，他深深地再体悟。

在咖啡馆中坐着，看着前方的成双成对年轻的情侣，往日的情怀历历在目，随着时间流逝，爱情的表现方式始终未曾有重大的变化，早纪就像前面那个热情的少女一般，让那个显然较为内向的男孩不知所措。

他俩也曾经如此的恋爱过。

恋爱，就像是美梦一场一样，充满着希望。

他是一个没有梦的人。

时间很快地结束，侍者很礼貌地请他离开，他点了点头，拿起行李，走向柜檯付帐，心想着明天回去的行程，约定伊籐一家来送行的时间。

刚来日本第一天的夜里时在问了伊籐先生早纪的地址，但是他并没有马上就去找她，他不晓得为什幺就是有点怕，可笑的是连怕什幺他都不清楚。

趁着最后的一天，他要去看看早纪，那个浮现在他脑中清丽的异国少女。

回到茫茫的人海中，他看了一下手錶，时间还很早，还不到早纪下班的时候，于是他转进一座公园，坐在公园的长板凳上，他看见紧凑日本生活的另一面，宽敞的公园使他远离道路的尘嚣，静谧的翠绿使他沈沈睡去。

到底还是傍晚萧瑟的北风惊醒他，他整理一下狼狈的衣裳，然后急急地走开。

前面那些老人大概认为他是一个外国的流浪者吧，他心想。

持续走了一段路，早纪的公寓已经在眼前，心中真是十分的激动，可是理性却不断地要自己赶快离开，无法言喻的恐惧感也窜上心头。

理性和慾念激烈交战着，手脚不听使唤像是被控制的木偶一样地走上台阶，最后停止在门前。

在过了十几分钟后，寒风伴随着，他还是站定在门前，伸起的指头始终没有勇气按下门铃，儘管这是一件多简单的事，他在脑中翻腾着，是要进去屋内，还是只和她打声招呼然后离开，或是就让这一切随风而逝，永远不再见面。

正当他在门外犹豫不决时，大门忽然开启，早纪没想到他正在门外，既惊讶又欢喜地看着他，好不容易相恋多年的情人终于再度见面了。

她一句话都没说，把他拉进屋里来，随后关上门，紧紧地搂住他，靠在他寒冷的背后。

那是一个温暖的夜晚，他俩互换着多年来的种种情思。

他们对坐着，早纪的美依然令他倾心，低头不语的她多幺惹人怜爱。

还是他先发问: 「你... 呃... 你现在的男朋友对你好吗？」「嗯，他十分地爱我，可是... 不过没有你以前那样地在乎我的感受... 」她低着头语气平淡地说着。

「这样... 那我就较放心了... 」他凝视着早纪，「当年匆促地离开，我对你感到十分地愧咎，你是一个让我挂心的女孩，如果你能幸福，那我也就安心了。」他轻轻地呼出一口气，心里面无由地有点凄凉。

他晃了晃手里的酒杯，里面冰块轻轻碰撞着玻璃。

「谢谢... 」她略顿了一下。「那你现在过的怎样呢？」她有点担心地问。

「我？我已经结婚了... 」他看着面露讶异的早纪，然后转回头空望着手里的酒杯「我回去不久就结婚了。正如当年我告诉你的，父母之命... 」他愤愤地说着，可是随后表情便柔弱下来「不过，我太太很爱我，她很好，我没有什幺可以挑剔的。」「是吗... 是吗... ，太好了... 太好了... 」早纪拿起酒瓶，替他斟满。

他一口气把它喝光。

「酒入愁肠愁更愁」他想起古老的词。

冰块铿锵地响着，当他将杯子放在桌面时，两人几乎是同时转向对方，异口同声地叫出: 「祝你（你）永永远远地幸福... 。」他和早纪相视着，然后慢慢地，紧紧地抱在一起...

当她从浴室走出，他一把抱起了她。

米黄色浴袍里裹着一丝不挂的胴体，他激烈地吻着她的樱唇，两人的舌头紧紧地缠绕在一起，温热的津液顺着他粗暴的舌头流入他的口中，很甜、沁人心脾。

他拉开她胸前的衣摆，盈白的乳房令他迷炫，他趴在她的乳沟间，去感受乳房美妙的柔嫩。

他看着恰和她乳尖成一直线的暖炉，火热的白金丝在他的眼中竟不如她乳尖的嫣红，更不如他身体的炽热。

早纪轻轻地抚摸着他的头髮，她知道今天过后，两人就永远不可能再见面了。

人世间的种种往往是那样的无奈，可悲可叹...

不知过了几时，他再次吻上她的朱唇，温热的双掌轻抚着她柔嫩的肌肤，一种柔滑清凉的触感。

他将她背后的浴袍更行拉下，将面孔贴在她赛雪的肌肤上。

北国少女的皮肤雪一般的洁白，有着冰晶般的光滑，棉絮般的柔软。

他轻轻地咬着她身上的每寸肌肤，在雪白的皮肤上吮出一个个粉红的印。

倏然他抱着她翻身而起，深怕她从他怀中消逝的紧拥着，双掌从身后伸出，握住她盈满的双乳，宽大结实的胸膛贴在她娇柔的背上，古铜色的皮肤可以感受到她身上传来的颤动，如同一只受伤的小猫。

他控制住她的双腿，敞开她来迎接他的进入。

那是一种完完全全不同于他太太的感觉，总觉得好美，令人迷失意识，不能自己。

就在两人合而为一的瞬间中，几年来积存种种相思的情慾火山爆发似地奔放出来，他不同于刚才的温存，在早纪如丝如娟的身体上肆恣驰骋着。

像是要把她完全融化似地，他以最大的能量进出她体内，早纪不间断地低吟着更激起他的慾望，他觉得此时此刻最美，最令人陶醉，令人疯狂。

盈白的肌肤是那样令他酥软，粉红的乳尖让他沈醉，她体内的温热令他更加颠狂，她身体微微的颤抖令他更加迷失在爱慾的大洋中。

It was a fusion of bodies he had never experienced before. Her body was like a calm, clear lake, embracing him, containing him, and stirring ripples on its surface.

It was a pity he could never have her in this life.

"If... if..." he thought unrealistically.

His chest pressed against Saki's soft breasts, his hand gripping hers tightly, and he continued forward.

He didn't know how to cherish this remaining time, only to keep drawing them closer together.

He breathed heavily until the energy within him surged forth.

Exhausted, he collapsed onto Saki's chest, his cheek against her breast, his powerless body and overwhelming sorrow preventing him from rising again.

"To be honest," Saki leaned against him, "did you ever love me?" "Yes," he lifted Saki's rosy cheek, "not just ever, I think... I will never love anyone again... except you, Saki..." "Isn't your wife pitiful?" Saki's words stung him.

He sighed, offering no reply, but simply holding her tightly once more.

Their lips met again.

The eastern sky gradually brightened, signaling the approaching final moment of their parting. He wished time could stand still, though he knew it was impossible.

They remained in the same position, unmoving. Both

understood that the chances of seeing each other again after this were slim. Perhaps Saki shouldn't have written to request one last meeting, and he shouldn't have kept the appointment, hoping Saki would forget him forever. The meeting would have been pointless, only adding to their sorrow.

Yet, he couldn't let go, even though he was now a woman's husband and a father.

Saki's beauty had lingered in his heart for years, and her gentleness, compared to his wife's, captivated him even more. The frustrations of work made him yearn for the carefree days of his student years.

Perhaps this was the feeling that what is unattainable is always more beautiful, he had to admit.

Saki rose first, slipping from his embrace like a white fish.

She put on a nightgown and sat at the vanity, fixing her hair.

"I've been waiting for you for days," Saki said calmly.

"I... I've wanted to come see you for a long time, but I was afraid," he said, looking at the ceiling. "Because I'm married, and you're getting married too. This... isn't right..." "I took two weeks off. Please spend this time with me, okay?" She slowly combed her long hair. "I... I've been waiting for you here for a long time." "This... I really don't know how to say it..." he stammered, as if he'd done something wrong.

"The train is about to depart..."

she immediately understood.

In the mirror, he could see her disapproving expression and her trembling body.

To avoid upsetting her further, he went into the bathroom to shower.

In the bathroom, his guilt towards Saki deepened.

He dressed and went outside; Saki's mood had calmed down considerably.

He sat on the edge of the bed, quietly watching her tie her long hair up with a colorful ribbon.

He got up and walked behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders and gently kissing her cheek: "It's time, goodbye..." He picked up his travel bag.

"Wait a minute..." Saki turned around and walked towards him.

Then she produced a pair of scissors that she had somehow produced, and suddenly cut off the hair tied up with the ribbon, firmly handing it to him.

"You..." He looked at her, puzzled.

She threw herself into his arms, trembling and sobbing weakly.

Helpless, he could only pat her and comfort her.

"Please... please cherish it, seeing it is like seeing me..." Her voice was broken and sorrowful, "Please... please don't forget me..." Holding Saki, he suddenly felt like crying.

"Yes... yes... how could I forget you..."...

The entire Ito family came to the station to see him off, but Saki was the only one who didn't.

When he had to leave back then, she didn't come to see him off either.

Years had passed, yet the scene was so similar, but his heart was numb; he didn't shed a tear like he did back then.

As he stepped into the train, he suddenly looked back, as if trying to grasp some cherished memory, his hand tightening its grip on Saki's broken hair.

"Go home!" he told himself, slowly finding peace in his heart...

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