Regret for Incest

Here's what happened: A while ago, my parents had a fight. It even escalated to the point of discussing divorce. My mother was very upset during that time, so I often stayed by her side.
That night, I was in her room with her again. She was talking and sadly rested her head on my shoulder. At first, I just gently hugged her, but then I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sexual urge and hugged her tightly. My mother sensed my impure thoughts and immediately pulled away and stood up. I knelt before her, hugging her legs and looking up at her.
My feelings were complicated; I was terrified of her scolding, but I also really missed her. My mother looked down at me with a strange expression, a mixture of anger and something else. After a while, she gently patted my head, bit her lip, then sat down and turned her face away. I don't know why, but I felt that my mother had agreed. I pounced on her and pushed her down onto the bed. She struggled slightly for a moment, then closed her eyes and let me do as I pleased...
I took off her clothes one by one. My mother, who was in her forties, still had a beautiful figure. Her full breasts made me unable to resist lowering my head to suckle them, and I rubbed them vigorously with both hands.
"Ah!... Gently!..." my mother called softly, but I kissed her forcefully as if I were bewitched! I was also eager to enter her. At the moment of intercourse, I was extremely excited! I frantically entered and exited my mother's body. The friction of our genitals brought me unprecedented pleasure!
"Ah!~~ Ah ah~~ Zhiqiang~~ Ah~~ Ah ah ah~~~" my mother kept moaning, her groans were endless, which made me even more frenzied! I vigorously rubbed my mother's breasts, and my lower body thrust into her like a jackhammer until I ejaculated all my semen into her body.
Afterwards, I felt guilty, and so did my mother. She tried to avoid me as much as possible. I know that her behavior towards me was entirely out of spite towards my father. Now my parents have made up, but my mother and I can never go back to the way we were before. I feel very regretful and in pain. I really can't stand my mother's indifference towards me. Please, anyone who reads this, tell me what to do?

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