New Dad's Diary

After our son arrived

, my wife took our three-month-old son from the crib, unbuttoned her blouse, unhooked one of her bra cups, and began breastfeeding him.

At that moment, I lay on the bed, a book in my hand, watching them.

The sight of my wife tenderly caring for her child filled me with a beautiful image. "So beautiful!" I thought to myself, a warm and happy feeling welling up inside me.

My wife and I had been married for three years. She was three years younger than me. Considering our ages and social circles, it seemed impossible for us to have met, yet fate brought us together.

Actually, meeting her was quite a coincidence. I met her at a friend's wedding banquet, representing my father. Her气质 (qi zhi - a combination of temperament, bearing, and style) and appearance deeply attracted me, especially her flowing long hair and the graceful way she turned her head—it captivated me completely. And so, I decided to choose her as my life partner.

After a year of relentless pursuit, I finally "tricked" her into marriage. She hadn't graduated from university yet, and logically, it should have been two or three years before getting married. However, our intense love led her to marry me immediately after graduation.

Our married life was blissful, our love inseparable, needless to say.

But having a child didn't happen until

two years after our marriage. Initially, we planned to have a child; it wouldn't have been difficult for either of us. However, partly because my financial situation wasn't entirely stable, and partly because she was relatively young, based on eugenics, we used contraception. Our parents also discouraged us from having children so soon.

They suggested that people our age should wait four or five years.

I vividly remember the night of our wedding, when my wife and I were heading back to the hotel, my father-in-law pulled us aside, patted my shoulder, and said in a suggestive tone, "Young man, be careful, restrain yourself a little. Your mother-in-law is still young and doesn't want to be called 'grandma' so soon." His words were clear: don't even think about it. What could I do?

So, my wife and I could only force a smile and nod vigorously, praising my father-in-law's wisdom.

Deep down, I felt terrible. "I need your permission to have a child? Am I even a man?" I cursed him countless times in my heart.

Therefore, although we both really wanted to, the pressure of public opinion and my wife's reluctance to disobey forced me to comply, leaving me to endure several years of "not being a man."

现在说到我儿子的降临经过：想想也许真是天意，因为我和她婚后是靠算安全期以及体外射精来避孕的，虽说不是极佳的步骤，没办法，到底不忍心让太太接受化学药品的作用嘛！只好就委屈自己一下罗。

做着、做着，两年来倒没发生什幺问题，更何况在婚前也有过不下十次的经验，而且当时年少不懂事，两人都毫无保护，儘管这样，也没有让她怀孕，于是我两对这事蛮放心的，就等双方的家长命令「结晶」的一刻。

可就在一个月黑风高的晚上，经过影片的催情，及一点点的酒意，一个不注意之下，在最后关头忘记抽出来，就让太太变成个妈妈了。当她检查出这个喜讯时，真是好不开心，喜孜孜地笑我说：「以前那幺多次都没有那次的準。」讲到这儿，好像我不欢迎小孩似的，事实正好相反，我比老婆更期待我的孩子，除了买一大堆的怀孕须知，幼儿教育，如何照顾小孩子等书外，还挑灯夜战，彷彿回到当初考大学的时代里。

演变到最后，太太经常挺个大肚子，帮我沖泡牛奶，叮咛好好照顾身子，不要熬夜看书太晚等等。

因此我经常两个黑眼圈，不知情的同事还劝我说新婚燕尔在所难免，可也得稍稍节制，以免弄坏身体，真是令我啼笑皆非。

在她怀孕的那段岁月中，我最喜欢的事是陪太太上医院检查，一方面看看那个小家伙长得如何，一方面也像是在告诉医院中其他的人，我是一个能让太太怀孕的男人，内心那种得意自足的感觉更是让满心欢喜，喜形于色。

可能是激素的影响，太太的脸色红润，散发出一种迷人的风采，这时我才晓得一个女人在怀孕的时候才能算是真正的美丽，因而益发地爱恋我太太，捨不得让她有些许的劳动及伤害。

当太太阵痛週期逐渐缩短，阵痛也逐渐加烈时，我的心情更加地忐忑不安。

然而这一切忧虑在孩子的哭声从产房中传出时，完全消弭于无形。

那时候我的脑中只有「我当爸爸了，我当爸爸了」的空白，那种内心的感动，真不知该用何种言语形容内心的激昂及兴奋。

为了不让我亲爱的太太休息不够，硬是让她多待了一星期。

太太也正好去参加医院所举行的一些活动，如新生儿养育课程、产后护理等等，总之，在医院的时候我都没发生什幺事情。

但是太太和儿子回家后，我却发生或许可说调适障碍的问题，一时难以适应未来这种新家庭关係。

儿子我一如往昔疼的不得了，但我总觉得怪怪的，「爸爸」这两个音节唸起来简单，我却无法揣摩何谓「爸爸」，年轻如我，着实难以接受这种新身份，亦不明白自己要如何尽一个父亲的责任。

反而太太也许是因为母性的本能，用「称职」两字都无法形容她对孩子的呵护。

另一个是和太太的新关係不知如何建立，以前是太太宠我至极，孩子出生后她反而冷落了我，没有很在乎我的感受，或许说是刻意地忽视我的想法，我不知道该怎幺办，就像大权旁落的皇帝一般。

更何况现在家庭的重心都在儿子的身上，说实在，我不仅有失落感，更觉得十分寂寞。

我忽然了解到我是在众人呵护下长大的，从小我一直是手心朝上，只有得而不知道施，难怪家人会反对我俩年纪轻轻生孩子，因为我无法体会当一个称职的父亲是如何，突然把朝上惯的手心转下让我极端不适应。

下班后，我走到儿子的卧室，太太正在里面陪他。我走上前去，拦腰抱住太太，看她逗弄孩子那种甜美妩媚的娇态，现在似乎十分陌生。

我不清楚目前我俩之间到底少了什幺，但总觉得疏远不少。

「嗯？怎幺了？」太太在我怀中注意到我发呆，很关心的问我。

我被这一提醒，脑筋顿时恢复了不少。

「没什幺... 」我有点支吾地回答，然后转移话题「咿... 小鬼，今天有没有听妈妈的话呀？有没有想爸爸呀？」我捏一捏儿子细嫩的脸颊，他忽然止住笑容，表情严肃地坐在婴儿床上，眼睛一动也不动地注视着我。

这时我觉得很窘，连儿子都不认我这个老头。

「看你把他吓的，」太太瞪了我一眼，抱起他在卧室四处走动。

「乖乖，都是笨蛋爸爸不好，」太太用鼻子和儿子的鼻间相触地逗弄他「笑一笑... 」。

看着太太和儿子在一起，忽然有一种隔离的感觉油然而生，我感到我自己无法打进她们的世界中，正如铁钉无法打进厚钢板一样。

「我真的能当爸爸吗？」我怀疑。

太太将儿子安顿好了以后，走回来卧室。

我偷偷埋伏在门后，等她一走进来后就从背后一把抱住，伸出手按住她的胸前，隔着衣服用力地捏住双乳，五个指头灵活地抚弄着。

太太来不及身体保卫战，就被我攻陷。

她的呼吸逐渐急促，柔软的乳房在我的爱抚下逐渐结实。

我涨的有点难过的部份紧紧贴在她的臀部，太太因我的爱抚而扭动着的身躯带动臀部刺激着我。

每随着柔嫩的肉臀压紧我的肉棒，肉棒向上挺起的反作用力更形加强。

我低唤了一声，右手手掌伸到太太平滑的小腹，另加上力量使臀部更压迫。

左手撩起太太的裙襬，伸进她的内裤中。

整个手掌压住绒毛触感的柔软体，用食指和无名指分开细长的缝，中指贴在温热的地方，上下滑动地抚摸着。

「啊... 啊... 」太太轻轻地发出声音。

手更加深入，捏住她略微突起的小核。

太太几乎要疯狂，转过头来和我接吻，高举双手反搂住我的颈背，她的舌头比我的手指更饥渴，激烈地找寻我的舌头。

我将太太推到床上，顺着势子将她压在我的身体下。

膨胀的部分夹压在柔软的臀部上，那种美妙的感觉直入我心。

缓缓移动一下，突然感到强烈的兴奋而更形坚挺。

「好舒服啊... 」我微微张开口，全身包围在春情的气氛里。

中指深进她的肉穴里，神秘的液体润湿了我的掌心。太太承受这些醉人的刺激，嫩臀激烈地摆汤着，带动了我压在她上面的膨胀处。

我几乎受不了，开始交合一般地起伏我的臀部，来回地施压在太太的臀上。

床铺的弹簧震出一种异样的旋律。

「等... 等一下嘛... 」太太被我压的喘不过气，哀求一般地说。

我停止行动，迫不及待地将太太翻过身，手掌已经迫不及待地伸入她的上衣中，我握住太太的乳房，大拇指急速地来回触摸她的乳尖。

太太的乳尖逐渐坚硬。

我贴近她的耳边，口唇轻轻地着吮咬她的耳垂：「今天已经到了吗？我需要你... 」因为怀孕，和她已经半年多没有做过爱了。

太太沈溺于爱抚的快感中，以含混的语气，气息十分杂乱地说：「不管了，愿意，我真的好愿意... 」太太压住我爱抚的手，带领着手掌去寻找她的高潮。

太太的反应在意料之外的热烈，难怪，我俩已半年没有在一起了。

我急切而粗鲁地解开她的上衣，露出被拉下一半的胸罩，红的乳尖饱满地挺立于白晰的乳房，娇小的乳房气球般地膨胀，有点结实轫嫩，却又不失酥软。

粉红的乳晕急速地扩大突起，佔满椒乳的前端。

我伸出双手，一边一个地爱抚她。

「嗯... 嗯... 」太太低声呻吟着。

我低下头，靠近双乳间，伸出舌头舔触她诱人的乳沟。

满布唾液的舌头划过白晰的乳沟，留下一条闪烁的光泽。

「嗯... 啊... 」

酥痒的电流钻进赤裸的胸部，我知道太太已经完全地臣服。

配合着我，她恍惚地伸出手掌，隔着睡衣裤子握住我坚硬的肉棒。

「呜... 」我竭尽力量不使我发出声音。

快忍不住了，可是还不能，太太还没有湿透。这时候进去的话，两人都会感到不舒服的。

继续流连于她的胸部，一会儿后，我转移目标。

握住双乳的手移转至她的裙子处，熟练地褪下她的长裙。

白色有着蕾丝滚边的内裤中心处像被水淋湿地，有着一块濡湿的痕迹，暗黑色的阴毛看起来像隔了一层毛玻璃。

手指再度伸进去取悦她。

「啊... 」她裸露着胴体，风情万种地扭动着身躯。

右手拉着吊带，一阵一阵地向上拉起，丝绸摩擦她的大腿深侧。

强烈的快感使她不由地往上挺起腹部。

「我可以脱它了吗... 」我强忍着快爆炸的慾望。

「可... 」太太口齿不清地吐出几个音节。

就是这个时候了...

我拉开她的内裤，濡湿的下体鲜红地像一朵绽放的玫瑰一样。

我抱起她，太太比我更激烈地拉下我的睡衣裤。

坚挺的阴茎裸露在太太的面前，露出大半的龟头在柔和的灯光下同太太的阴唇一起闪烁着慾望的光泽。

太太伸过手来握住了我，将包皮褪下，露出湿润的龟头以及伞部。

她低下头要含住我，但我移开她。

体贴的她晓得用意，配合我的前进，将双脚张开来迎接我的进入。

我端着膨胀的肉棒，用龟头在她的穴中慢慢地回转着，然后腰身一挺，将整根送进她的体内。「啊... 」太太像是个初试云雨的黄花闺女，全身不自然地往后一退。

我俩将任何前戏都省了，我俩彼此心中都有默契，我没进入她体内是无法消退这半年来的饥渴。

我收起小腹，微微退出的肉棒让我能感受她体壁给我的快感。

深呼吸一口，放鬆小腹的力量，再度插进去，然后臀部一使劲，将整个肉棒没入太太的身体内。

「啊... 」太太的呻吟是清细的。

她双脚夹住了我，那神秘地带壁也夹紧了我。

温热感从相接的地方陆续传过来，温暖了冰冷的肉棒。

我开始连续抽送，虽然被夹紧，但已经被爱液润滑的小穴毫无困难地任我进出，每一次我都将它送至最深处，好像是她将我吸进去一样。

床铺剧烈地前后摇晃着。

太太微张着口，嗯啊地发出娇喘声，双腿随着抽送而紧紧夹着我的腰。

似乎没有任何一种姿势能在短时间满足我俩，因此我不断地变换着，或是托住她的左腿，以跪立的姿势和她交合，或是抓着盈白的嫩臀从背后进入，或是侧躺着撑开她的双腿进入。

随着动作的愈来愈激烈，进出週期的缩短，两人的欢叫声逐渐忘我地大声起来。

而我在经过这幺多天的禁慾，虽然曾靠自慰解决了好些慾望，但总是没有和太太一起敦伦来的快活淋漓。更令人安慰的是，我持续了好几分钟，依然没有亢奋的感觉。

「今天可以好好地做爱了。」我在心中乐着盘算。

「啊... 嗯... 抱... 抱我... 」太太梦呓般地叫着。

她泛着红潮的双颊，微张着口唇，如水波汤漾的双乳，勾引我饥渴地要抓住她，我情不自禁地伸出双手，右手手指依次捏住她的乳尖，或五指并用地握住她的乳房；左手则在她被我肉棒撑开的狭缝中游移着，或是爱抚着阴唇，或是捏揉着性感的小丘，在在都逼使她迈向性感的顶峰。

太太含情脉脉凝视着我，一张涨起的俏脸好嫣红，似乎在告诉我说她好满足、好幸福。

就在我俩耽溺在一波波的来回抽送的快感时，就在我的喘息声转变成「啊... 啊... 」的嗥叫声时，忽然一阵震耳欲聋的哭叫声从隔壁房间传来。

类似一个了气的皮球，原本坚如磬石的阴茎顿时虚脱，瘫倒在太太柔软湿润的小穴中。

太太急忙推开我，起身，披上睡袍，跑到隔壁房间去安抚被我俩忘情欢叫声所吓醒的儿子。

须臾，儿子的呜咽声逐渐平缓、不见。

「乖乖！别哭喔！妈妈和爸爸就在旁边喔！」太太走回来卧室后，还不忘对儿子安抚。

接着太太双手叉腰，一双水灵的俏眼瞪我，微微皱起眉头，大有一副「都是你害的」的嗔怒面容。

「这个... 谁叫你那幺诱人... 」我吐吐舌头故做无辜地回答。

太太一句话都没讲，将头撇过去不理，然后逕自上床睡觉，转过身背对我。

我一看可急了，要我带着满腔慾火而入梦，这我可办不到。

I leaned closer and patted her shoulder. "Honey, I want more..." I pressed my hip against hers, telling her my situation.

"No, the baby's protesting," she said, a little annoyed.

"But it's so uncomfortable," I said, leaning close to her face.

"It's okay, less is better for your health," she said coldly, probably angered by my earlier conversation.

"But we're already up, and just now... If we hadn't made love, it would be fine, but... but..." I pleaded almost desperately. She

turned around, looking at me with a sullen expression.

I knew she was being stubborn.

"Fine! Fine!" I shook her arm.

"Okay! Fine! I'll do what you say..."

she said reluctantly, taking off her nightgown. "I can't do anything with you."

Originally, she didn't want to continue, but she couldn't resist my insistence and had to agree.

So I wandered back in through the door she had opened for me, continuing our unfinished passion, but without the accompaniment of moans, it felt a little unsatisfying.

As I thrust in and out again, I secretly opened my eyes to look at her. My wife's brows were slightly furrowed; the expression of ecstasy she had just displayed was gone, and her body had become unusually limp, not responding to my rhythm.

Indeed, she had truly lost interest.

I pursed my lips as I thrust. She was so

spoiled, all because of a single sentence.

Seconds ticked by, and seeing that I hadn't ejaculated, my wife's brows furrowed even more tightly.

Seeing this, I felt she wasn't making love with her husband, but rather like someone being raped.

Her eyes held a look I had never seen since our marriage—coldness, displeasure, and disgust.

I was somewhat surprised that a woman's sexual desire could plummet from infinitely high to infinitely low in such a short time.

I began to feel it was wrong to desecrate such a saintly woman.

So I quickly brought myself to orgasm and immediately withdrew from her body, too embarrassed and too afraid to continue.

When I collapsed onto her, drenched in sweat, her behavior was nothing like that of a woman who hadn't been intimate for six months, nor was it the tender, affectionate way she would have nestled in my arms shortly after our marriage. Instead, she pushed me away and scolded me in a motherly tone, "You have work tomorrow, go to sleep..." I was at a loss for words, and could only puff out my cheeks, turning my back to her in a huff.

Although I knew going to bed early was for my own good, shouldn't married life involve putting aside annoying work and enjoying each other's company? She hadn't treated me like this before I gave birth.

So I've always felt uneasy, as if things weren't as intimate as before.

I have to admit that our lives have changed a lot, especially our sex life.

I remember in the first year or two after our marriage, our love nest was filled with romance and passionate desire; we were inseparable, and almost anywhere could become the scene of our passion. The bathroom, the sofa, the floor, the walls, and even the stairwell all bore witness to our madness and our lingering passion.

I'll never forget the first time I pinned her against the wall, lifted her left thigh with my right hand, and entered her standing up; I'll also never forget our first time making love with her mouth, the first time I entered her from behind, and the first time she gripped me between her breasts in a frenzy; there was even a time when we were so intense that we soaked ourselves in fruit juice, then licked each other's bodies, faces, breasts, buttocks, legs... etc. To show how much she loved me, she smeared jam on my penis and sucked on it with her nimble and passionate tongue and cherry lips, sometimes taking it all in, sometimes spreading the strawberry jam evenly on the tip with her fingers, sometimes biting, sometimes sucking, sometimes licking wildly.

Then, when both our mouths were sore and tired from licking each other, we began the deep battle of attack and defense.

Two naked bodies were tightly intertwined, with short-cycle vibrations at the most intimate point.

Lost in the ocean of desire, the two of us endlessly experimented with various intercourse techniques to achieve maximum pleasure and the most intense loss of consciousness, until I, as the male protagonist, had to ejaculate, the glistening liquid flowing over her breasts before ending the encounter.

Yes, the thick, sticky fluid between my wife's firm breasts and cleavage was a symbol of the zenith of our love.

The days before were so wonderful, but now my "little slut" was gone; she suddenly seemed so unattainable, so untouchable.

Now, no matter how much I tease her, she's not as proactive as before, merely going along with me, as if forced to do homework she dislikes. Not only is she uninterested, but the contemptuous look in her eyes also crushes my confidence and even makes me feel guilty; violating such a supreme and pure mother is the most unforgivable sin.

This is something I find extremely difficult to accept. A once vigorous and wanton woman before childbirth has developed frigidity postpartum. I even suspect that the doctor may have given her some kind of medication during delivery, causing this.

So, I've become less demanding, only asking to satisfy my erectile desires for intercourse. Even the erections I experience in the middle of the night make me feel incredibly guilty. The intimate connection we once shared is gone. Therefore, for her, sex has become a routine, merely fulfilling the obligation of a married couple. For me, it has become a purely animalistic act, completely devoid of the wonderful feeling of spiritual and physical union. It's utterly boring.

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