Born wearing a green hat

I don't know if it's just bad luck, or if I was born with a green hat on my head. Or maybe

it's just my appearance, as my friends jokingly say. My first girlfriend, Hong, was someone I met in high school; she was a year below me. She was always very good to me, taking care of me. I felt like she treated me like a younger brother. Maybe it was out of gratitude, or maybe for some other inexplicable reason, but towards the end of high school, we fell in love. At that time, I didn't really understand what love was, and I wasn't sure if my feelings for her could be called love. But I was already used to her care, and at that point, I simply wanted to wait until I reached marriageable age so we could get married. Then, for the rest of my life, I wanted a quiet, simple life, one without desires.

The most intimate thing we did was kiss. I'm a rather traditional person, and I wanted to save the most beautiful moment for our wedding night. She also said that she would always be mine, and that no matter what, my place in her heart would be irreplaceable. Touched by her words, I secretly vowed to treat Hong well for the rest of my life. Almost without warning, Hong and my friend Hai had a relationship. When others told me all this, I couldn't believe my ears. I still clearly remember the sentence they relayed: Hai told everyone at a party that he slept with my girlfriend, who was still a virgin. Later, my girlfriend came to his house every noon, demanding sex, to the point that he couldn't keep up. I asked Hong, but she denied it and said I didn't believe her, and she got very angry with me. But in the end, I saw it with my own eyes, and Hong still didn't give me any explanation. That was the most humiliating day of my life. I had never suffered such an insult in my entire life. In a fit of rage, I hired someone to beat them both up. Afterwards, I went to another city; I really didn't want to stay there anymore. To this day, I still don't understand why Hong did that. In every way, Hai couldn't compare to me. In fact, six months after I left, Hong got married to a man more than 10 years older than her. Before my wedding, Hong called me and only said one sentence: "It seems we really weren't meant to be." I've been trying to figure out where I went wrong, and for the first time, I understand why people say a woman's heart

is like a needle at the bottom of the sea. But the story didn't end there. Soon after, I started dating a girl named Ni. It was love at first sight, I guess; I was completely attracted to her, and she liked me too. At this point, my feelings weren't the same as before. After our relationship progressed to a certain point, I started thinking about how to have sex with her. One day at my house, after I undressed her, she told me to respect her, saying we couldn't have sex before marriage, and that she would be mine eventually, so there was no need to rush. Her words made me feel embarrassed, and thinking about it, she was right. After that, I tried my best to control myself when we were alone together. But before our wedding, she slept with a stranger. According to her, the man had just broken up with his girlfriend, and she just wanted to comfort him, but things ended up going on. She said she didn't want it to happen, and she was completely stupid. She asked me to forgive her, saying she still loved me the most. I'm speechless. Is that even an excuse? Women are so shameless.

Two lessons taught me one thing: never worry about what women are thinking; the key is what men are thinking. If you think it, then do it. Women don't deserve respect; in short, women are just for sex. If you don't have sex with them, someone else will. If the meat is right in front of you, don't eat it quickly, or you'll regret it later. Later events proved that I was right.

I've never been in a serious relationship; I always seduce women who have boyfriends, maybe for revenge, maybe to understand women's minds better. I remember once going out with one man and four women. We stayed in a house that night, all six of us crammed into one bed. In the middle of the night, I started touching Juan, the girl next to me. When she didn't react, I got bolder. Later, I unbuttoned her clothes and climbed on top of her, only to find that she was awake. I didn't care whether the others were awake or not. She cooperated and even covered her mouth with her hand to keep quiet. After I finished, I went to the bathroom and saw my penis was covered in blood. My heart skipped a beat. The next day, she quietly pulled me aside and told me that I had taken her virginity. At first, I thought she was going to ask me to take responsibility, but unexpectedly, she said not to tell anyone, and that our relationship was over because she had a boyfriend and was getting married soon.

History was strikingly similar, only the roles were reversed. I wondered if my ex-girlfriend had done the same thing. After returning home, everything was peaceful for over a month, and I never told anyone. Then she called me and said she wanted to see me. We went to a hotel, and it's been five or six years since then. Every two or three months, we would stay out together for one night, and she got married four years ago. Several times I asked her what this meant, what she really thought, and whether her husband couldn't satisfy her. She said her husband was very good in bed, and that we were just lovers. She said she didn't know why, but she always looked forward to being with me. She had thought about ending it, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. I asked her what she would do if her husband found out, and she said if he wanted a divorce, then so be it. But even if they divorced, she wouldn't marry me. Actually, I also had those lingering feelings for Juan. I really, really don't understand women. The more women I meet, the more perplexing they become.

While maintaining this relationship with Juan, I hooked up with quite a few other women. Until one time, a woman, after having sex with me, lay in my arms and called her boyfriend, as if I didn't exist at all. Women are natural actors. That phone call lasted a full half hour, especially when she told her boyfriend to pay attention to the weather and wear more clothes. Did her boyfriend ever imagine that his girlfriend was lying naked in another man's arms? This woman also told me that she had never given her boyfriend oral sex, finding it disgusting. But she didn't know why she was willing to give me oral sex, and it felt so natural and harmonious. It seems that to understand a woman's true thoughts, you can only be a mistress, not a husband. As a mistress, you can know perfectly well how many men she's been with, how many one-night stands she's had, but a husband will never know these things.

I really feel so sad; what's wrong with women? When they keep saying men are bad, have they ever thought about themselves? Maybe they're just using men's badness to cover up their own inner turmoil. It takes two to tango; for every bad man, there are 1+n bad women paired with him—that's a fact of society. Women, can you deny it? I don't know if I'll ever fall in love again. I believe there are good women in this world, but I just can't find them. I'm scared, really scared.

Women, please give me a reason to believe in you.

I've become numb. The women who once lay beneath me now accuse their husbands of their faults: lack of tenderness, no romance, no money, and seeking other women. It seems they've forgotten they're now beneath a man who isn't their husband. Women often forget what they're doing when they criticize men. I just smile, offering understanding.

What can I say? One man, after discovering his wife's affair with me, was told by her that she was playing cards with me, and the loser had to give the winner a massage, which she did. She couldn't control herself, so… I can imagine her husband's expression upon hearing this.

Although men are often the ones who suffer, these experiences have taught me that having sex with a woman is incredibly easy; women are inherently lustful. A little seduction is enough to make her throw herself into their arms. I understand… Chu knew that unless a woman was willing, or had no other choice, she had absolutely no self-control in this area. Once aroused, she would definitely yield. I never forced women; I only seduced them.

Later, I met a girl six years younger than me. After we had sex, I didn't contact her again. She called me and asked why I wasn't talking to her. I didn't answer. She asked if it was because she wasn't a virgin. I said no. Her answer surprised me: "I know men care about that. Men always think that seeing blood is auspicious. I like you, and I will definitely help you find a virgin." My God, what was she thinking? Women are truly diverse; every one of them is different.

I'm really getting old, and I'm starting to feel scared. Am I going to live like this forever, until I'm old? Maybe I'll never have the chance for that "most romantic thing" in my life.

Seeing young people in their early twenties often breaks my heart. They squander love and ignorance recklessly. As the only-child generation, I truly don't know how their parents raised them; it's frighteningly idiotic. They themselves are oblivious, thinking it's all fashionable, trendy. The future of China is bleak. But this is beyond my control. The incident over a decade ago changed the previous education methods, turning this generation into materialistic, idiotic, cold-blooded, and ruthless.

Here are a few examples: A while ago, a girl from Sichuan Normal University whom I met online invited me out for drinks. She said all eight girls from her two dorms were coming, and specifically mentioned that some were very beautiful. At first, I thought it was just a drinking session, but when I got there, I realized the place was wrong. It was a club specifically for drug use. The girl asked if I had connections to buy drugs. I called my cousin, who gave me the phone number of a teammate he knew from a club. I still can't understand what these young girls were thinking, each taking a single pill without getting drunk. They even wanted to use some drugs. Why not try this? How much money can students have? Is it really that easy to earn their parents' money?

Calling them idiots might not be enough. At first, the guy I called was quite obedient. Later, he gave each of the girls a black, spherical pill. I didn't know what it was at the time. Later, on the phone, he told me it was an aphrodisiac and that if I needed anything like this in the future, I should just contact him; the price would be five times the normal rate. The girls didn't even look at it and just put it in their mouths. These kinds of clubs usually have a restroom in their private rooms. When the girls started to feel the effects of the drugs, the guy I called dragged two of them into the restroom. I don't need to tell you what happened next. What's even more baffling is that just a few days later, those girls asked me to hang out again. I don't use drugs. I remember when I said that, those girls looked at me like I was an alien. As if I wasn't from Earth. I really wonder if I even belong to this era.

What happened next was even more shocking. I remember once asking if the boys at our school were happy because there were more girls than boys. One of the women said, "Do you know our slogan? Our slogan is to ensure that no virgin graduates from our school." I was speechless. What kind of world is this? I tentatively asked, "Aren't you afraid that your husbands will care if you're still virgins when you get married?" "Enjoy it while you can! What era are we living in? Who cares about that now?" "If they do, I'll kick them out." Who raised them like this? I kept thinking about whether I should reach out my sinful hand to these girls, and before I could even figure it out, they reached out to me first. "Have you ever had a 3P or 4P? Tonight we're not going back to school, let's go to a hotel, okay?" "The three of us will play 4P with you." Although I considered myself experienced, I had never seen anything like this. As it turned out, I wasn't capable of playing with three at the same time. The last time I ejaculated, it was all water and very little. That night made me not want to touch a woman for a whole month. A girl told me that several guys were pursuing her, and she planned to marry the one who was most persistent after graduation. If those guys knew what kind of woman she was, would they still pursue her?

A few days later, another girl called me, saying she didn't want to live on campus anymore and wanted to move in with another girl. I was speechless. They all had boyfriends, and I don't know what those guys were thinking. Knowing their girlfriends were living at my place, they weren't even jealous. One day, when we went to a disco, I hugged their girlfriends in front of them and kept rubbing their butts. Those guys were all smiling broadly. Thankfully, they didn't stay at my place for long, or I wouldn't have been able to live there. The only good thing about being with these female college students is that it doesn't cost much. They're quite conscious of this; they always split the bill, even when it comes to hotel rooms. Maybe they really are just looking for excitement and enjoyment.

Many people might not believe these things, and I don't think I would believe them if someone told me, but it's true. Even though I experienced it firsthand, I often feel like I'm dreaming. Is the Chinese really doomed? I recently saw a post about a girl who was still a virgin when she graduated, feeling ashamed in front of her classmates. It was as if being a virgin was some kind of shameful thing, so she found a guy in her class who wasn't popular with women and had him deflower her. It's unbelievable, yet I believe it's absolutely true. It's not surprising that such things happen to this generation of idiots.

When someone else's wife is in my arms, at first I'm excited; another man in the world is being cuckolded. But after a while, I become numb. No matter how many women I've slept with, I still feel lonely. None of these women truly belong to me. What I need is a stable and peaceful relationship, but what have I done all these years? I think I will still get married, but I won't demand her fidelity anymore, as long as she remembers we have a home and is willing to stay with me until old age. Over the course of decades, who can guarantee that they will not be tempted or make even the slightest mistake? It is precisely because people have emotions that it is even more difficult to do so.

If any man doesn't believe that women are no different from men, he can boldly try it. If you're not particularly repulsive-looking, as long as you have some money in your purse, act witty and confident, it's easy to seduce someone. Even if you bump into a beautiful woman on the street, it's no problem at all. Also, eye contact is very important. No matter how beautiful she is, you need to make her feel embarrassed by looking at you up close. Your eyes shouldn't be lewd; instead, look more confused and sincere. Try it a few times, and you'll gradually get the hang of it. As for money, you don't need a lot. At least you should have enough for a meal, entertainment, and a hotel room. Don't be afraid of rejection. If you see someone you like, pester her every day, but never let her feel disgusted. You need to find the right balance. Women's hearts are actually very soft. Many women don't know how to refuse people, and women are very vain. They'll be happy if someone appreciates them. It's especially easy to seduce women who have been married for a year or two. It's not easy to seduce newlyweds. As for why, I don't need to explain, everyone should understand.

Three years ago, I met a woman, and I almost changed the course of my life for her. I think I'm truly wicked to the core; for the first time, I felt like my heart had been stabbed.

I picked her up at a dinner table. That year, when my family was having a birthday banquet at a roast duck restaurant on Zongfu Road, my mother said, "That girl is so beautiful; I wish she could be my wife." After dinner, I went to her, stared at her for a long time, and finally said, "You're so beautiful. My mother hopes you can be her wife." She smiled faintly, and I was completely captivated. I'd never seen such a beautiful woman in my life; even her smile was so beautiful. I never knew real people could be as beautiful as in a painting. Actually, I'm not that good-looking myself; I've just become bolder and more observant.

I asked her for her phone number, and she hesitated before handing it to me. I called myself back and then told her I'd treat her to dinner another day. The next day, I called her and told her I'd wait for her after work, then hung up without waiting for her reply.

At the time, I didn't even think about whether she would come, but I knew women are always curious. If you're completely subservient to her, she'll ignore you; but if you constantly overpower her, everything about you will be alluring to her. A former colleague gave me a nickname—"Ximen Chun," meaning the most innocent person in Ximen. Of course, "pure" was a misnomer; the "Ximen" wasn't entirely due to Ximen Qing (a notorious figure in Chinese folklore), but because my family lived in the Ximen area of Chengdu, implying I was the most despicable person there. Later, people said I was alluring without bait, so I changed my nickname to "Temptation Without Hooks." So when she came to me, I was somewhat surprised but not entirely unexpected. Women are strange like that; once a man makes a good start, she'll seize the initiative. Without even asking my opinion, she asked me to go grocery shopping at Yiteng Supermarket with her so we could cook at her place.

I'm someone who enjoys cooking but doesn't like eating, and she praised my cooking skills. We only introduced ourselves to each other during dinner.
I told her about my past, my experiences. I blurted out everything, things I shouldn't have said. Men become fools in front of beautiful women, especially one as stunning and domineering as her, making it impossible to lie; I wanted to give her my heart. I spoke freely, and she listened intently. The feeling of tearing off the mask was so liberating. I didn't trust my friends, I didn't trust women, I'd always lived in a self-imposed isolation. My heart was lonely; it was an honor to have someone listen to your story, especially a beautiful one. She asked if my mother really wanted her as her daughter-in-law. I said yes, my mother gave me the courage to come to her. She smiled faintly, saying, "I like women who smile." Even a pathetic person like me didn't have any restless thoughts in her presence. Perhaps I really had fallen in love again, though I wasn't sure if I still had the capacity for love.

A few days later, I asked her to see a movie. She asked if I liked her. I said yes. She then said, "Then why don't you even hold my hand?" Everything had happened so naturally. I asked her, "I'm neither rich nor good-looking, so why did you fall for me?" She said it was because of my straightforward way of speaking, because I dared to look her in the eye when I spoke. Of all the men she'd been with, I was the only exception. Surprising, right? That could touch a woman's heart. When we actually got to know each other, I discovered how good she was. She had a great job, earning more than ten times my salary, and I was far less attractive than her. But she was truly wonderful. When we went out, she always insisted on paying, considerately saying, "You should keep your little bit of money." Later, seeing my embarrassed expression, she suggested we split the bill. But the situation didn't change; she always paid when she had more money, and I paid when I had less. "Why did God let me meet such a woman?" my colleagues said, "It's unfair." I said, "God is fair."

Throughout this time, I constantly restrained my sexual impulses, genuinely respecting her and never making any unreasonable demands. Even though we shared a room many times, it felt like we were back in our first love, everything was so beautiful. Three months later, she stayed out late at my house. I arranged for her to sleep in the guest room, and just as I was about to go to sleep, she came into my room, silently slipped under my covers, and hugged me, whispering, "Do you want me? If you do, I'll give myself to you!" I stared at her, speechless. I thought maybe I really should love her unconditionally, love this woman before me. I started kissing her, kissing every inch of her skin. I slowly took off her nightgown, caressing her. She blinked her big eyes at me, and I felt a little embarrassed. She said, "Are you still shy?" I entered her body in the moonlight, and she let out a soft "Ah." It was her first time. Only afterward did I see a stain on the sheets; she had kept her virginity. That night, I cried—the first time I'd ever cried in front of a woman. She said she wouldn't hold anything against me for what I'd done before, but if I ever dared to do anything to betray her again, she would absolutely, positively never forgive me. However,

everything that followed was exactly the same, and I completely lost faith.

Many people say I was taking revenge, but I personally declare that it absolutely wasn't. Even without me, someone else would have filled that role; it's hard to say who would hurt whom. In a society where everyone is obsessed with money, who truly respects anyone else? Money equals status and reputation.

I can't convince you either. Since that's the case, there's only one right thing to do: make yourself happy. Everyone's standards are different; what I think is good, you might not. Men and women are different in many ways. Many times, a woman's infidelity isn't because her man treats her badly; in fact, he treats her very well. Frequent kindness makes a woman unaware of it, taking it for granted. A hug, a kiss, a bouquet of flowers, or even a false sweet word from a lover can move a woman for a long time. Men are easier to satisfy than women, and their demands on women are simpler. Women are different; sometimes they don't even know what they want. What they can't have is always the best.

I admit my title is a bit extreme, but the content isn't.

Reality is often confusing. Many of my friends and classmates have experienced deeply moving love, but as time goes by, very few can remain devoted. Over time, the love in a marriage transforms into a familial bond, with responsibility becoming more of a constraint than love. You could say that people influence their friends, but among my friends, regardless of how proper they were in school or before marriage, society is a melting pot. Aside from myself, every man I know who has frequented brothels has done so, yet they all remain good husbands at home. The world is changing rapidly; people's physical development is earlier now, and so are their thinking.

My cousin is only 20, and he and his friends frequently visit brothels. They say it's more cost-effective than finding a girlfriend, as girlfriends are too expensive. This is true. Relationships in school are more or less pure, but once they enter or are about to enter society, the standards women set for boyfriends are strikingly similar. At the very least, they all require the man to own a house and have a substantial monthly income. I don't understand why women constantly demand gender equality, yet are unwilling to be equal in these matters. In China, the wealthy are a minority, which creates opportunities for men to have multiple women simultaneously.

I remember one of my cousin's female classmates told me she wanted to be my girlfriend. I said, "How can I? You're more than ten years younger than me." She said age wasn't a problem. She also mentioned she liked to go out and asked if I wanted to go, and if I minded if my girlfriend was taking drugs. I said I did. She said, "Are you worried about the health of your future children? Drugs have many other harmful effects. I've seen a very voluptuous girl who lost so much weight in a year and a half that her breasts were flat." Another girl, even without drugs, now gets a headache just from hearing music. Of course, you could say they've been taking too much, but regardless of the amount, the damage to the brain and body from these drugs far exceeds that of No. 4. It's just that they're not as dependent on No. 4, and you don't need to use them every day. I asked her if she loved me. She said no. If she didn't love me, why would she be my girlfriend? Most women these days are this materialistic; they marry for money, not for love, so infidelity is inevitable.

I've seen many women make claims about shifting perspectives, like men thinking with their lower bodies and women with their upper bodies. Men love because of sex, women have sex because of love. Is this really true? Many women today have had relationships with several men before marriage. If it were truly as they say, then these women are far too promiscuous, falling in love with one man so easily. What makes a good woman? In my opinion, only a truly good woman will love only one person for years. Men and women are actually the same, just with different focuses. A beautiful woman will always be surrounded by many men; men love her for her looks. A wealthy man will also be surrounded by many women; women love him for his money. Everyone gets what they need, but is that love?

I've lost count of how many women I've been with, and I can't even remember how many virgins I've slept with. All I can remember is my first time, the first person I ever had, my first one-night stand. Only after that did I seem to understand why so many men seek out virgins—because the first impression is always the most profound. Men are selfish in this respect; they always want to be unforgettable in a woman's heart. Many friends say they have no luck with women and ask me how to find them. I'm not a Casanova; it mainly depends on courage and experience. Not every woman can be seduced, but women with some attractiveness are the easiest to seduce. Conversely, women with average looks are much harder to get.

I remember my first one-night stand. I wasn't really looking for one; it was just a joke. Back then, the internet was just starting to become popular. The first time I went to a chat room, I saw a user named "Fairy Zixia." I messaged her saying I was "Supreme Treasure" and wanted to give her a night she could cherish for a thousand years. We chatted for about five minutes, exchanged contact information, and arranged a meeting. She was quite pretty, about 165cm tall, with a full and well-proportioned figure. I was very happy to have met such a beauty on my first date. We sat in a fast-food restaurant for a while, and since it was still early, we went to a bar for drinks. Through our conversation, I learned she had a steady boyfriend whom she had met two years ago; he was her first love and had brought her to the city. Because her boyfriend was often away on business, he was rarely home. She didn't work and spent all her time playing games online. She met me on her first chat room visit and found my suggestion of a one-night stand novel, something she had never experienced before, so she agreed. I asked her if she wasn't afraid of meeting bad people. She said she wasn't. We kissed at the bar, and my hands started wandering. When we were both quite drunk, I took her to a hotel and booked a room…

The next morning, she gave me a deep kiss and said thank you for giving her such an unforgettable night. Then she hurriedly left me alone.

Actually, it wasn't just a one-night stand; we did it again at her house later. I asked her why she wasn't afraid of me and trusted me so much. She said she felt I wasn't a bad person and wouldn't do anything to harm her. She's a beautiful girl, a girl who knows how to enjoy life, at least sexually, she enjoys it. Regarding my evaluation, she said I'm a clean and refreshing guy who can bring her a completely new feeling and pleasure sexually, and I'm also a very good sexual partner. I said we could maintain this relationship, but she refused. She said that although she enjoyed being with me, she couldn't escape the guilt in her heart. I'm not the kind of person who clings on relentlessly. Although I still often thought about her afterward, I never contacted her again. Because of that experience, I became much bolder. Actually, my confidence increased a lot.

Looking back now, I feel no sweetness at all. What is happiness? A simple, ordinary love, someone willing to live a simple, ordinary life with you. I'm just an ordinary person, and for me, a simple life is what I truly desire.

Many people say I'm immoral, but at least I've never lied to anyone, and I've never hidden my true self from anyone. What do I want? I'll speak my mind. What I want is understanding, so I'll make it clear to you first. I haven't truly hated the women who betrayed me in the past. What I can't let go of is why they betrayed me and didn't tell me the truth. Isn't it better to be clear? Say what you think, say what you want to do, isn't that better?

Don't blame the openness of sex on the openness of society. The openness of society has only torn away the veil of pretense from women. Why only torn away women's pretense? Because men have always been this way. (There are too many temptations in the world, which inevitably makes love fickle.) This statement is clearly an insult to love. Few things in this world last forever, and love is one of them. If you change your heart because of temptation, that's not true love. Those who have love in their hearts have the ability to resist loneliness and temptation! If you can't, then you're only loving yourself. Many women have commented on what I've written, saying that men are no different, and that there are still plenty of good women. There's no need to argue about this. I just want to say that in reality, women's requirements for love far exceed those of men. If anyone still disagrees, they are simply afraid to face themselves. Love naturally deteriorates under too many conditions. Given how society has become today, everyone should understand who is more at fault—men or women.

[The End]

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Born wearing a green hat

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