Elderly living alone

(I)

I am an extremely shy and well-behaved girl.
From elementary school to university, I've always been at the top of my class academically and quite pretty. I've always had male admirers. To date, I
've had two serious boyfriends, and my younger sister is currently studying at a national university in Taipei.

Perhaps I should thank my mother for resolutely quitting her demanding job during her nine months of pregnancy to focus on childbirth, and
for strictly abstaining from spicy food during that time. I am a naturally
beautiful girl with fair skin and a radiant face.

Because I've never had a fondness for food since childhood, I've always maintained a slender and graceful figure
. My well-proportioned and long frame always makes me look taller than I actually am (I'm only 164
cm tall, but people often think I'm close to 168 cm^^).

Because of my introverted nature, my friends all agree that I have a voice so soft it's like a mosquito whispering
, and that I probably only speak a handful of words a day!

You might find it hard to believe, but aside from family and my boyfriend, I really don't have
the courage to speak a complete sentence in front of my friends, let alone strangers—it would make me incredibly embarrassed
!

Usually, when my girlfriends aren't around, they like to get together and fool around, completely
without any regard for their image. But even with my closest friends, I only dare to timidly hide to the side and listen
quietly . Occasionally, my girlfriends will team up to tease me, forcing me to say a few
unimportant words in front of everyone. I often stammer for a long time, not knowing what to say, and my ears
will burn with embarrassment for a long time.

Last winter break, I participated in an activity organized by a school charity club, a
charitable work to provide warmth to elderly people living alone or homeless people during the cold winter.

I invited my boyfriend to participate, but he readily declined my suggestion. He said he wasn't
stingy with giving, but felt there were more pressing things in life to consider first, like studying hard and
earning tuition to help support the family. Therefore, he didn't plan to participate in this volunteer activity and advised me to give up
my studies and think more about my future.

But I always felt that as a fortunate female college student, I had received so much from others in my life. Thinking about how
I had always only focused on studying hard and taking exams, never thinking about helping those in need, I felt
it would be a good thing to use this winter break to give back to society in a small way!

So, despite my boyfriend's strong opposition, I resolutely participated in this series of winter relief activities…

The first few activities were mostly speeches and street fundraising briefings. Many volunteers participated, but
the actual amount raised on the streets was pitifully small! (According to the organizers, this was often the case.) Everyone worked hard
, but was also somewhat disheartened.

But the senior volunteers leading the team always encouraged everyone, saying that what elderly people living alone or homeless people need isn't entirely financial help. Sometimes, the most joyful moments
are when volunteers offer timely care and concern. 　　Based on this belief, we adopted a responsibility-based care system, with two to three volunteers in a group taking turns visiting and caring for impoverished elderly people living alone. We also frequently visited areas where homeless people congregate, delivering food and warm clothing. 　　This arrangement truly benefited me greatly. Through these visits, I witnessed firsthand the darker side of society and stepped into the often-overlooked, heartbreaking corners of life! I shed tears more than once during these visits. Every time I returned home after an activity, seeing my simple yet well-fed home brought me immense comfort and strengthened my resolve to give without regret! 　　However, I never imagined that this compassion would ultimately lead me to an unbelievable one-night stand with a bedridden, elderly person living alone! 　　... 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　(II) 　　During one of our routine visits to elderly people living alone, my boyfriend, having nothing else to do, accompanied us to help out at my urging. The morning passed patiently, and he participated throughout. We visited two elderly people living alone and bedridden, bringing them clothing and nutritional supplements like milk powder. 　　However, the weather turned uncooperative in the afternoon; a cold wind brought a light drizzle. During lunch, my boyfriend began to complain listlessly, wanting to leave the group. I was quite annoyed, feeling he lacked compassion and perseverance, so I gave him a cold shoulder. 　　Afraid I would be angry, he reluctantly continued to follow... 　　Due to the tight schedule that day, the volunteer mothers decided that my boyfriend and I would visit one of the bedridden elderly people alone, while they would go elsewhere to save time. Although I was a little timid (because I'm afraid to speak), I thought that at least my boyfriend would be there to help, so it shouldn't be a problem. So, I reluctantly agreed . 　　With my boyfriend's extremely unwilling accompaniment, we braved the cold wind and held a small umbrella, wandering through the streets and alleys near Wanhua before finally finding our place—a dilapidated apartment building with no main entrance on the first floor. We went straight to the second floor and found our room by number—a small, dark wooden partitioned room. 　　We knocked for a while before getting a response… 　　Through the thin wooden wall, we could vaguely hear an elderly man, struggling to walk, slowly shuffling out . He fumbled for the lock for a long time before finally revealing a thin crack in the door , peeking at us hesitantly from behind it, seemingly afraid to open it. 　　We called the old man "Uncle Zhang." 　　Speaking of Uncle Zhang, he doesn't actually look old, probably around sixty years old. He's thin , of medium build, with gray hair and is partially bald. He wears reading glasses, and several narrow, dark wrinkles are gathered on his forehead. Because he lost his front teeth, he speaks in a babbling, unclear way. 　　I heard that he lost his family in a fire, and his left leg was amputated due to burns, leaving him with limited mobility.

The disabled elderly man now relies on selling lottery tickets for a living. His monthly income is quite limited. After paying rent, he
has less than two thousand yuan left, making it very difficult to survive for a month. The apartment is not in good condition, so the rent
is not expensive, but Uncle Zhang always feels that the rent is not cheap, more than two thousand yuan a month!

There is a bed and a large wardrobe in the room, which belong to the landlord. All the other belongings are his,
piled on the floor or under the bed. The whole room is filled with a musty smell. Pots and pans, miscellaneous items, toothbrushes,
pencils, old newspapers are piled up haphazardly, making the already small room feel even more cramped!

I saw many elderly people living alone in dilapidated houses like this during that period. Every time I came to such a place,
I would always think about one thing: whether the door is locked or not doesn't really matter much anymore!

But paradoxically, most elderly people like Uncle Zhang, living alone, despite their poor living conditions, still
carefully lock their doors, sometimes even adding a lock with a combination lock—they always tell you they're afraid of
being burglarized. But really, what's there to steal in such an environment?

So I think they're afraid of crowds, afraid of the strange looks society gives them; it's a
fear stemming from a lack of self-respect! As they grow old and forget their loneliness, a desire to escape the world arises naturally. They just want to hide
themselves inside an old, cramped, yet familiar empty wine bottle, tightly secured and sealed,
uncomfortable but still their own little world. The elderly deceive themselves into believing that only in this way will no one discover their vulnerable
and lonely side, and then they can occasionally hide there, stroking their frail hearts, savoring that last vestige of
self-respect.

First of all, I want to say that I understand my boyfriend's dislike of that environment, because it's hard for anyone
to stay there for a short time without feeling nauseous and dizzy. But he shouldn't have shown it, especially in front of the old man—it
was so rude!

Less than a minute after we went in, my boyfriend said in front of Uncle Zhang and me, "I can't stand this
environment, I'm going out."

His unpleasant expression made me really puzzled and angry, but I couldn't just show it on the spot, so I politely asked
him to wait outside and explained to Uncle Zhang that he was sick and not feeling well, so he needed some fresh
air. Uncle Zhang was slow to react and spoke haltingly, but he managed to express himself clearly: "It's okay,
I'm happy someone came to see me!"

Even so, I still felt guilty about my boyfriend's rude behavior. It's a waste that he's a university student; he
has such poor manners. All those years of schooling have been a waste! That's what I felt.

Now I was all alone.

For the next while, because I'm not good at talking, I first poured Uncle Zhang a cup of hot tea, then used the excuse
of helping him tidy up the floor and bed to cover up the slight awkwardness of not speaking. But the room was really small,
and there was very little I could tidy up. Uncle Zhang kept saying he was sorry and very grateful for everything I did for him, "If my
son were still alive, he would definitely marry a capable girl like you to him!"

I hadn't thought about it, but I wanted to make him happy, so I forced myself to chat with him for a few more minutes—
that was my best effort. Although the atmosphere was light, it was quite harmonious and warm.

Although we didn't spend much time together, the old man seemed reluctant to leave—it was time to go!

Before leaving, Uncle Zhang insisted on giving me a gift, saying it was a silk scarf or something, but it was on
top of the cabinet. Because he had difficulty moving around, Uncle Zhang asked me to help him get it. The cabinet was quite high, and I was afraid I
wouldn't be able to reach it. I went outside and asked my boyfriend, who had been waiting for a long time, to come into the room to help.

My boyfriend was already impatient, his disgust written all over his face. The moment he walked in, he silently stepped onto
the edge of the bed, reaching for the silk scarf Uncle Zhang was looking for. The wardrobe was cluttered with items, and Uncle Zhang
couldn't pinpoint where it was, repeatedly saying, "Look again, look again." My boyfriend's face grew increasingly
stiff and sour…

"Ah!!?" Suddenly, he tripped and fell off the bed. His right hand instinctively snapped open
a shelf in the wardrobe, scattering clothes, clutter, and cardboard boxes all over the floor.

Suddenly, my eyes lit up—a multitude of pornographic photos and clippings spilled from the shattered boxes: the bed
, the floor—everywhere was a scene of explicit sexual activity, and nearby rolled an inflatable female doll (I later realized
what that was)…

"Ah!…" Seeing so many explicit photos of men and women, I panicked, blushed, and didn't know
where to run. But then I noticed Uncle Zhang was also standing there dumbfounded, completely frozen and shocked…

What should we do? Who could salvage this awkward situation…?

At this most embarrassing moment, my boyfriend suddenly burst into laughter, saying he had truly witnessed a miracle. My boyfriend turned to
the stunned Uncle Zhang and laughed, “Uncle Zhang! You’re still as charming as ever! You’re old in years but young at heart!
Hahaha…”

The awkwardness didn’t ease; it only made things worse!

I believe my boyfriend didn’t mean any harm, but poor Uncle Zhang was so provoked that he burst into tears on the spot,
crying like a child throwing a tantrum!

We were both stunned, not knowing what to do. But in that moment of helplessness, the worst thing happened
—my boyfriend decided to abandon us, and there was no room for compromise. He even tried to drag me away from there!

Although I was scared, I knew that running away like this seemed inappropriate, so I didn’t want to leave. But my boyfriend really lost his temper,
completely disregarding our relationship, and lashed out on the spot: "Why bother with that shameless old man?! Didn't you see the porn he's hiding in his room
?! Are you out of your mind?!"...

My usually gentle and polite boyfriend had suddenly become so uncooperative, hurling insults at a disabled elderly man. I
felt dizzy, as if the whole world had distorted!

I'm such a useless girl, how could something like this happen!

I felt powerless and heartbroken, and tears streamed down my face. Sigh, I'm such a failure! Waaah...

Leaving everyone behind, I turned and ran away, crying, disappearing into the heavy rain...

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