Go back to the past

Honestly, I was quite surprised to see the alarm clock go off at 6:30 when I woke up.
I stared at it blankly for a moment, then tried to wake myself up.

Unsurprisingly, I had set it for 7:30 yesterday because I had a meeting at 10.
But this scene reminded me of how I woke up in my school days .
No surprise, Mom would knock on the door, put my neatly folded uniform on my bed, and then wake me.

"Knock knock." A knock sounded, and Mom came in, put the uniform on the bed, glanced at me, and noticed I was already up.

"Zhuya, you're up? Hurry up and get dressed."

"Mom?" This was a bit strange. I had just video-chatted with my mom back in Kaohsiung last night. How come she's in my room now
? Wait, this is definitely my room back home. What's going on?

"Zhuya, I put breakfast on the table. Remember to take it." Mom touched my face; the warmth felt incredibly real.

I got up, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and tidied myself up. Then I looked at the high school uniform on the bed, feeling troubled.
Although I had many questions, the most important one right now was whether I could still fit into my high school uniform.

I put on the skirt and found it was still a bit loose. Following my memory, I folded the waistband up a few times to make the length just enough to show my thighs.
Just as I was happily congratulating myself on not losing my figure, my mom walked in.
Seeing the length of my skirt, she frowned and muttered a few words.

"Mom, I'm going to class." I kissed her cheek and saw the surprise on her face. Perhaps her usually aloof daughter was
a little unaccustomed to doing something like this, leaving her stunned for a moment.

"Zhuya...be careful." My mom touched her cheek and smiled shyly.

"Okay." I slung my backpack over my shoulder, grabbed my breakfast, and headed out.

It felt like my usual routine, nothing special.
Then, after I got on the school bus, I felt something was off.

Shouldn't I have a meeting at ten o'clock today, followed by chasing after clients? How did I end up leisurely taking the bus to school?
Recalling last night, I did video chat with my mom, told her I had a meeting tomorrow, and then went to bed.
So how did I end up in this distorted place today?

A time warp?

Yesterday, I did go to that cramped and messy underground street to have my fortune told by some unknown fortune teller.
But it was more of a chat than a fortune telling

session. Whenever I had a problem, he would say something ambiguous, then half-jokingly suggest we practice "dual cultivation" (a form of spiritual cultivation).
Every time, I'd punch him a few times before he'd get serious.

But I must say, he was surprisingly accurate;
he even talked about my former supervisor/colleague at work, making me feel like he actually worked there.

The main point, though, was about Weixiang and me. He just listened without offering any opinion.
This struck me as odd, so unlike him.

"Master, you listen to me talk about him so much and you don't say a word, what's the point of your stall?"

"To scam you."

"..."

"I need to eat too!" So I punched him again, without any hesitation.

Then last night, when he asked me again if I wanted to practice "dual cultivation, " he
mysteriously pulled out a so-called "Octave Space" album, saying that listening to it would allow me to travel back in time.

"Master, if you're going to scam people, at least show some sincerity, okay?" I glanced at it to indicate I wasn't interested.

"Don't underestimate this album, let me tell you."

"Fifty dollars a piece, the kind you have to throw in the trash." I cut him off before he could finish.

His hand was still hanging in mid-air, looking a bit comical.

"Anyway, the song 'Back to the Past' can take you back to the past."

"How much does this album cost?"

"Fifty dollars."

"Damn, why don't you make money?" This surprised me a bit.

"Because... my side job is selling records."

"..."

"Anyway, everyone hopes to have a chance to go back to the past again. You and that Wei Sha Xiao, since you missed it,
do you want to try again?"

"That's very illogical, Master."

"Sigh, you'll know my magic is boundless after you hear this."

So I picked up fifty dollars and placed it on his empty table.

"What if I want to come back?"

"Just come back."

"Damn, how did you even set up a stall here?" I got up and punched him again, then got up and left.

"Whatever changes have occurred since you came back, it's all your own choice," he added after I turned away.

I looked back at him, then tilted my head, seemingly understanding but not quite.

"Believe in yourself."

"Okay."

After video chatting with my mom, I turned off the lights and prepared to sleep.
I turned on the stereo, which I hadn't used in a long time, and put the CD in the slot.

"Going back to the past, is that right?" I pressed play and let the music flow.

I hummed a song softly, and then I thought of Weixiang.
It was probably high school when I first met him, then university, he went to the army while I entered the workforce, and then he got married.
There were so many feelings between us, yet we couldn't connect.

And now, the man who has influenced me the most,
the man who lives in my heart,
even the man I think of when I masturbate in loneliness.

Listening to the music, I let the tears slowly fall.
I thought of his wedding three days ago, so happy that it brought tears to my eyes.

I wish that person was me, right?

I sighed, then fell into a deep sleep, and then, it was morning.

— ※ jkforum.net ｜ jkf Czech Forum

The school bus stopped. It was raining outside, and I rummaged through my bag and realized I didn't even have an umbrella.
I sat in my seat and watched my classmates get off the bus.

"If you don't mind," a voice came from behind. I turned around and saw the three large characters "Wang Weixiang" clearly embroidered on his uniform.
"Let's share an umbrella." He smiled at me, reminding me of the first time we met, in this very scene.

I nodded and followed him out of the bus.
I was actually quite terrified the whole way, just like when I first met him.

"Where's your classroom?"

"Yude Building."

"Class 9, Grade 2?"

"Yes."

"My name is Weixiang, Class 5, Grade 2."

"I know," I murmured to myself, but didn't say it aloud.

"We're here. Remember to bring an umbrella next time." He smiled at me, just like in my memories from years past.

"Give me your phone." I hadn't forgotten; I must have said that about ten years ago.

My heart pounded as I arrived at the classroom of my memories,
and then I saw my classmates vividly appear before me.

That moment was truly poignant. How had these ten years changed us?
Society had erased our innocence without a trace.

I sat down, and my best friend, Qiaoyin, saw my wistful expression and asked what was wrong.

"Qiaoyin, I'm feeling sentimental because I know you'll be crying about not being able to get married someday," I said.

"Ugh, annoying," Qiaoyin pouted and ignored me.

"Hey, I heard that handsome guy from Class 5 went to school with a girl under an umbrella today," Yushan, who was sitting next to me, said. "

Really?" Qiaoyin looked heartbroken.

"It was me..." I said awkwardly.

"Yang Zhuya? Is that you?" Their loud voices made the whole class turn around.

"I didn't bring an umbrella today..."

"Qiaoyin, we'll take the school bus from now on." Yushan said seriously.

"Well said, Yushan, we don't need to bring umbrellas either." Qiaoyin was even more serious.

Seeing them like this, I laughed. I wish I could stay in this moment forever.
Who knew that one of them would marry and go abroad after graduation, and the other would shout "Long live single life!"

And in my w995, there was Weixiang's phone number.
The fortune teller said I could make another choice. What should I do?

-

When I woke up the next day, I could feel time speeding up
because I saw that I had crossed out two whole months on the calendar on my desk.

It seems that the exam is approaching.
I forgot to ask the fortune teller if I could go back if I made any changes here.

As for my relationship with Weixiang, it is progressing at a snail's pace.
I think I have only exchanged some text messages to say hello in these two months.

It's nothing more than telling you to wear more clothes because of the cold weather, be careful when playing ball, and how your studies are going. The reason

we ended up studying together was quite sudden. The library was full that day, so
I went to the Moss Bookstore near the station, and unexpectedly ran into him there.

But I'd already been there once, so I knew exactly where to go, even what time I'd run into him.

I realized I wasn't consciously doing these things;
my subconscious was doing things I'd always done before,
which was quite amazing. It meant that even if I consciously let my mind wander, I would still do things that would happen to me. We

became close after studying together.

My wake-up time didn't get any faster after that; the days just passed one after another.
Occasionally, I'd go to study with Weixiang, and sometimes I'd spend my days at tutoring classes with Yushan and Qiaoyin.

It wasn't bad; time flew by, the days seemed to spin, and
because I'd lost something once, I especially cherished the time I spent with everyone.

The kiss Weixiang gave me after taking me home one day
sealed our fate in this lifelong entanglement.

That night I cried myself to sleep,
because I never imagined that the beautiful kiss in my memory would be even more beautiful than I remembered. When

I

woke up, I was already used to looking at the calendar on the table. Perhaps I should thank my past self for crossing off days one by one.
I looked at the calendar on my table, then at my luggage at my feet, and I knew what day it was.

I should be glad I had passed the grueling exams;
it seemed I would never have to go through such a life-changing decision again.

But in other words, no matter how I spent today or what choices I made, my life would still be intertwined with Wang Weixiang's.

I dragged my luggage and saw him waiting for me downstairs at my house.
Today was the day we had agreed to go to Xiaoliuqiu.

Before university started, we decided to have some fun,
because he chose to stay in Kaohsiung, while I would go north to Taipei.
That was the first turning point in our destinies.

We boarded the ferry and arrived at the guesthouse.
After resting briefly in the room, we rented a car and drove around. It

was my first time traveling so far, and I was overjoyed, hopping around like a rabbit.
We took photos everywhere, creating lasting memories.
Although it was my first time here, I already had a rough idea of what this place was like.
I remember those days I was truly happy, like I owned the whole world.

Back at the guesthouse that night, he held me tightly.
I was a little nervous because I remembered what he was going to do.
But to be honest, I was a little excited.

After he turned off the light, he hugged me tightly and kissed me passionately.
After we took off our clothes, we clung to each other instinctively.
I recalled his gentleness and roughness again.
When he stopped moving and I reached my climax, I held his burning body and tears streamed down my face.

"Will you stay with me forever?" A question every woman asks.

"Yes." A lie every man tells.

I could only hold him tightly, unable to stop the heartache that washed over me.
A sweet lie, still a lie.

And at that moment, what I feared most was dawn.

–

As dawn broke, I didn't even have time to savor his warmth.
I looked around. This was the apartment I rented outside of university because I hadn't gotten a dorm room. The room

next to me was empty, but there were men's trousers that had been changed.
The bed was still warm, indicating that the man hadn't been up for long.

The sounds coming from the bathroom reminded me that someone was inside,
and I remembered what day it was.

"Are you leaving at noon?" I asked the bathroom door.

"Yeah, I have a party tonight."

"You rarely come up here, won't you spend more time with me?"

"There will be plenty of opportunities."

"Hold."

The door opened, and he looked at me energetically.

"What's up?" He kissed my forehead.

"I'll miss you."

"We'll go on a date again when you go back to your hometown." He kissed my lips, not caring whether I had brushed my teeth or not.

Then he took off my pajamas and began to roam freely over my body.
But I was so sad and listless.

"What's wrong?" He noticed something was off too.

"I don't want it. You only come up here for sex." I said casually.

"No, I don't."

"I just want you to spend more time with me doing something, instead of just having sex every time you come up."

"Okay."

"Are you unhappy?"

"No, I just think there's nothing wrong with sex."

Then we fell into a long silence.
Weixiang started packing his luggage, while I stared blankly at the mirror in the bathroom.
Who knew we'd have so few opportunities to have sex in the future? I laughed.

I was actually sad about something like this back then,
and tears welled up in my eyes without my noticing.

After dropping him off at the station, I went home to pack. I looked at the calendar and figured out when I'd wake up next.
But the date was one I'd really hope wouldn't wake up.

—The

reason I woke up so early was to surprise him,
not to be shocked early.

After dropping off my luggage at my hometown, my first destination was, of course, Weixiang's house.
I saw those running shoes that were clearly a size too small, and hesitated whether to open the door.

Or rather, it didn't matter whether I opened the door or not.
I didn't know heartache could be so real, like a thousand needles piercing my heart.
I gasped for breath, collapsed in front of the door, and the last image I saw was Weixiang's terrified face when he saw me.

When I woke up, my left arm was hooked up to an IV drip, and to my right, Weixiang was kneeling in front of the hospital bed.
I knew what had happened, otherwise he wouldn't be kneeling.

"It's okay." I think he must have been surprised by what I said.

"Zhuya, I..."

"It's okay, really."

"I'm sorry." I covered his mouth with my hand and gently shook my head.

Because I had already heard those reasons once, Weixiang.
Explanations that would drive me crazy again would only add to the sorrow.

Seeing him kneeling on the ground, and my indifferent attitude towards everything...
Have I really gotten over this pain all these years?
I don't know, but at least I'm calm now, detached.

Whether I love this person, I think I know best.

—When

I was taking photos in my graduation gown, I was glad I hadn't missed this day.
Although I knew I'd see Wei-hsiang come to give me flowers later, it didn't matter.

Three years had passed, and Wei-hsiang had put in a lot of effort trying to make up for his mistakes,
but if it were that simple, I wouldn't have had to struggle with this for the past ten years.

From lovers to friends,
we only ever had sex because of my premenstrual period.

I admit, sometimes, I really miss him.

From freshman year to senior year, we've always been like this, neither of us dating anyone else.
To be honest, once trust crumbles overnight, it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say it would take another ten years to rebuild.

Occasionally when he comes to Taipei, I let him sleep next to me; sometimes when I go home, I ask him out for dinner.
Sometimes I even feel like it doesn't matter if he has a girlfriend.

I know I no longer have the courage to destroy the feelings between us; this is the only protective shell I can use.

I saw the flowers Wei-hsiang gave me, and I gave him a deep hug.
It had been a long time since I'd hugged him properly.

"I'm sorry, Zhu-ya," he whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry, Wei-hsiang," was how I replied.

After the hug, I saw his wry smile, and that was it.

—After

getting up, I checked the calendar on the table as usual. I didn't realize how helpful my old habit of keeping a calendar on the table had been.
Looking at the dates, time seemed to fly by this time.

After graduation, I stayed in Taipei, since jobs were easier to find, while Wei-hsiang went to Zuoying to serve in the military.
We were destined to be separated, north and south.

At a family reunion, I let him brag a little,
and he seemed quite happy.

I remembered to take time off to be with him during my holidays, since soldiers are a bit pitiful.

My work gradually settled into a routine; I started accompanying clients to business dinners and drinking.
Occasionally, I would chat with my old high school girlfriends, watching them go crazy and lament.

Later, Yu-shan went abroad and got married, leaving only Qiao-yin and me to rely on each other in this cold city.
Whenever Qiao-yin asked me about Wang Wei-hsiang, I would just laugh it off.
They always said my love life was mysterious, but I was actually quite simple.

My life only started to change when I changed jobs and met a new supervisor.
The allure of a mature man, coupled with work pressure, gradually made me dependent on him.
His name was Yuwei, and he always exuded professionalism in his shirts and suits.

It wouldn't have been a big deal, but that day I'd had a few drinks with a client and couldn't get a taxi, so I had to trouble him.
He suggested we go upstairs for tea, and I forgot my period was approaching and my libido was incredibly high.
So, after a pretense of drinking tea, the sounds of our bodies colliding filled the room.

In that instant, I thought of Weixiang, of what he'd done years ago, and I closed my eyes.

Then the doorbell rang. As I dressed, wondering if it was too noisy, I opened the door and saw Weixiang.
When Weixiang saw Yuwei, I went blank.

"Sorry, wrong address," Weixiang said, sticking out his tongue, and I watched him go downstairs.

Yuwei, seeing my expression, quickly ended the conversation, and the next day I handed in my resignation.

These seemingly straightforward words were just my attempt to subtly describe the turmoil within me.
It turns out I was doing what Weixiang had done before, although the relationship was slightly different.

Did I hurt Weixiang?
That must have felt terrible.

Should I explain something?
Why should I explain anything?

I turned off the light,
trying to fall asleep.

But I found myself still awake when dawn broke, and I knew I had lost something.

– ※ jkforum.net | jkf Czech Forum

I walked through the chaotic underground streets, following my memory to the stall.
Nobody was there.

Except for that chair, that table, and the hastily written "Ironclad Calculation," nobody was there.
No, this shouldn't be happening.

I knew I had to do something, otherwise the consequences would be the same.
Wei-hsiang and I would eventually become strangers, and I would see him for the last time at his wedding.

No, this isn't right.
Something should be changed.

"Miss, are you looking for him?" the fortune teller at the stall next door asked me.

"Yes."

"He's gone back to his hometown to farm, but judging from your appearance, he must have left you something."

"Where?"

"He told me that a woman would come looking for him anxiously in the next few days, and I should show her this." He took out a slip of paper.

"Thank you." I gripped the slip of paper tightly. I didn't look at it; I was just panicking and didn't know where to go.

"Would you like me to use the fortune teller's bird to tell your fortune?"

"No, thank you, sir." I walked out of the underground mall.

"Wanting to go back to the past is because there wasn't enough time to cherish it." After returning home, I looked at the slip of paper, and there was only this sentence.

I sat on the edge of the bed, with the Octave Music I had just bought on the table, and it was from Guangnan, not from the night market.
I sighed and let the music fill the room.

I drifted off to sleep, tears still lingering in my eyes.

Did we not have enough time to cherish each other?

–

The alarm rang at 7:30.
The first notification on my iPhone was a meeting.

I was back, filled with a deep sense of loss.
I had lost Weixiang again, for the second time. I wanted to hug my blanket and cry, but that would be too cowardly.

I tidied myself up and went to the company to prepare materials for the meeting.
But my absent-mindedness earned me a scolding from my supervisor several times, and I almost cried.

After finally getting off work, I went straight to that dirty, chaotic underground street and came to the same stall again.
But just like before, it was empty.

I looked at the stall in front of me, somewhat incredulous.
The stall next door was indeed a fortune-telling stall, but here there was only a trash can on the table, with a sign saying "50 yuan for those who wish to buy."

Hmm… the master is indeed unpredictable.

There was only one album on the table, clearly meant to be bought.
When will the master change to something new?

I threw in fifty yuan and took the album home.
There was no CD inside, only a note.

"Life isn't for regrets."

I picked up the CD we'd bought together years ago and put it in the speakers as before.
Then I closed my eyes, recalling the points of contention between Wei-xiang and me.

—When

I opened my eyes, it was already morning.
I was still in my old home, and everything seemed unchanged.

I habitually glanced at the calendar on the table;
it seemed I was back a week ago, three days before Wei-xiang's wedding.

I called Wei-xiang;
we hadn't seen each other for almost two years.

"Can we meet?" I blurted out.

"..."

"I'm getting married."

"I know I received the invitation."

"What else do you want to say?"

"Two o'clock this afternoon, I'll be waiting for you downstairs at my place."

I glanced at the clock; I had two hours to organize my thoughts and think about what to say.
Time flew by, and I saw Wei-xiang waiting for me downstairs right on time.

The two of us sitting in the coffee shop felt a little awkward; after two years without speaking, we were like strangers.
Although for me, it felt like it had happened just yesterday.

"I love you." I put down my cappuccino.

"..."

"I didn't want to miss you."

"But we did miss each other."

"I really hoped that back then, I could forgive you, and you could forgive me."

"What's the point of all that?"

"Weixiang, if we could do it all over again, would you still love me the same way?"

"Yes."

"Thank you."

"So? I'm getting married."

I placed the octave music on the table and then got up.

"If we hadn't missed each other, I would love you for a lifetime." I left.

-

I woke up to the familiar sound of my alarm clock.
I wanted to stay in bed a little longer, but then I noticed someone was next to me.

Wait, someone's next to me?

"Your alarm clock is really noisy." I looked at him, and then tears started falling.

"Did I go back, or did you come back?" I asked him.

"Actually, I don't know." He said, which made me laugh.

"It's like I've been reborn?" I asked him.

"I only remember you saying that if we hadn't missed each other, you would love me for a lifetime." My face instantly turned red.

"I'll take you to find someone tonight." I said to him.

-

The same spot, but this time it was empty.
The divination bird was still there, and the old man was still the same old man.

But the dust on the spot made it seem like no one had set up a stall there for centuries.

"Hey, miss, you look familiar?" the old man next to me said.

"Uncle, did the owner of this stall go back to farming?"

"Yeah! It's you! I gave you a note two years ago, right?"

"Uncle, did he leave anything else?"

"Here, take it. I've been keeping it for two years." The old man gave me another album, a bit worn.

I opened the box, and sure enough, there was a note inside.

"Remember what happiness looks like, cherish every moment of happiness, and don't regret it.
If there's a chance, let's cultivate together again! Master."

I smiled, then shook my head at Weixiang beside me, and continued:

"If you could do it all over again, would you choose to love me?"

"If I could do it all over again, I would love you a hundred times."

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/22194.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=22194&aspx=1

Previous Page : Innate

Next Page : Cancer

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

Go back to the past

comment Open a new window to view comments