Falling in love again

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

"God! Give glory to England!"
Ren Zheng stepped out of the Porsche and walked through the dark garage.
He saw Kang Di, a veteran of the hotel, already waiting at the entrance of Vienna.
The stars filled the night, and the lively music and chatter of Vienna drowned out the cicadas' chirping.
"General Manager, everyone is waiting for you," Kang Di said respectfully.
The Ren Group was founded by Ren Zheng's grandfather, Ren Tianling, and of the original founders, only Kang Di remained.
Ren Zheng thought this was probably due to Kang Di's clear understanding that he was always working for the boss.
"Has Grandpa arrived?" Ren Zheng asked.
"The Chairman arrived very early and is waiting for you," Kang Di said, leading Ren Zheng to the lobby of Vienna.
Ren Zheng was surprised to find the Ren family members sitting around his grandfather at a table in the lobby.
"It's the Chairman's request; he said he wants to see Vienna now," Kang Di explained to Ren Zheng why Ren Tianling wasn't in the private room.
Ren Zheng nodded and walked towards his family.
Thirty years ago, Ren Zheng's parents died in a plane crash.
Ren Tianling has only one son and one daughter.
His daughter, Ren Honghong, has been married and divorced three times and currently has no children.
Sitting next to her, Ren Ting, the adopted son she took in five years ago, is a well-maintained woman.
Ren Tianling has a half-sister who has a son.
Ren Zheng's uncle has only one daughter, Xu Fengling, a senior in high school this year.
This means that in the third generation of the Ren family, Ren Zheng is the only male heir, and he is already the designated successor to the Ren Group.
As Ren Zheng took his seat, the lights in Vienna suddenly went out.
A beam of light shone on the central stage, where a host dressed in Chinese attire eloquently introduced the upcoming performers.
Ren Tianling turned to Kang Di and smiled, praising Kang Di's grandson.
Kang Di's grandson is named Kang Shou. He is the one who manages Vienna.
Looking at the packed hall, Ren Zheng couldn't help but admire Kang Shou's talent.
Vienna is where Ren Tianling made his fortune.
At that time, Vienna Restaurant was a sensation throughout the city, and Ren Tianling's journey led to the establishment of the Ren Group.
For the old man, Vienna held a completely different meaning.
Even during the most difficult period for the Ren Group, Ren Tianling never considered selling Vienna.
Five years ago, when Ren Zheng took over the group's affairs, Vienna was almost on the verge of bankruptcy.
Ren Zheng decisively handed it over to his childhood friend, Kang Shou, and Kang Shou certainly didn't disappoint him.
The quietly eating guests suddenly erupted in cheers.
Ren Zheng turned his gaze to the stage.
A handsome man in black leather pants stood smiling in the spotlight.
Ren Zheng suddenly experienced a hallucination.
Time and space became blurred.
Acid-house music filled his ears, and beneath his feet were the thick mud of green mountains. In the first rays of morning sunlight, he had once used all his passion to win over a man.
[I don't want to be with you anymore.]
[Why? Did I do something to upset you? I'll change, please don't leave me.] The
old dialogue, the familiar tone, the unfamiliar expression… emotions he thought he had forgotten…
Ren Zheng clenched his fists.
[You're great. It's just that I don't love you anymore.] He said this with a smile.
That day, he learned the completely different meaning behind that same smile.
[I won't let you go!]
He shouted, making himself look pathetic.
[I have plenty of money. I have power you can't even imagine. As long as you stay by my side, I can give you the whole world.]
[Is that so?] His lips curled into a coldness he had never seen before.
[But I don't want it. That's your world, not mine.]
[I can disregard your wishes.] He discovered his own cruelty for the first time.
[Sure. You can face my ashes every day.]
[Ren Zheng, you know me. You know I'm not joking.]
[My love for you has expired. Just like I need to take off my clothes to dance, I don't want expired love anymore.]
I never knew how to keep you… loving and hating your free soul.
And then, it was departure and forgetting.
I hope that one day, even if the wound never heals, I will no longer have to bleed.
But, at this moment, why do you appear before me again?
Jiang Can.
Why do you still appear before me?
Two dogwood blossoms, faintly visible beneath the black gauze dress, exude an alluring color; an eagle, below the navel, spreads its wings at the edge of the leather pants, poised to take flight with the movement of its owner; long, slender legs, gleaming with a jade-white light, stand majestically with a resolute posture; long hair, flowing freely, conjures purple shadows. A crisp snap of the fingers explodes above the head, and amidst deafening music, the dancer begins his dance.
With just lights and music, the upscale hotel instantly transforms into a venue for hot dancing.
Trapped in the snare of time and space, the figure that captivated me in my youthful arrogance.
[Do you know? I want to believe in such a religion, in this utopia where there is only freedom, wisdom, love, and dance. I will take happiness as the destination of my emotions, choose love as nourishment, but freedom will become my life, and dance is the prop for me to celebrate my existence.] [
No one can stop me from dancing anytime, anywhere.]
The noisy music paused, then fell silent, and the space filled with the time it takes for a heartbeat to pass. A
clean and powerful turn, a bend in the knees, a hand on the ground, a leap, eyes darting around; head down, a sudden lift, eyes meeting.
The music stopped abruptly again.
After a long pause, applause and cheers erupted at the same pace as the music.
Ren Zheng could no longer see, hear, or even feel any of this; when he met those eyes, his entire life lost its meaning.
Jiang Can walked to the side of the stage, where someone had placed a guitar.
He picked it up, walked to the microphone, and spoke his first words since he appeared.
"At this moment, I want to use my partner," he said, his fingers flying across a chord, "to play a familiar tune for a friend I haven't seen in a long time. I want to tell him that I haven't forgotten him. Bob Dylan's 'Blowin' in the Wind.'"
how many roads must a man walk down
before you can call him a man
...
[I love to dance. To dance freely for a lifetime.]
[But today, I want to sing a song for someone in this rave party. He didn't know me before the song started. After the song starts, I want to be his lover.]
How many times must a man look up
before he can see the sky
? [From now on, I will only sing this song for you.]
The answer my friend is blowin' in the wind.
The answer is blowin' in the wind
. The melodious tune of the song echoed in the gaudy hall, even though it was in a dusty corner of this colorless city of steel and concrete.
Yet, this song could evoke feelings of the ocean, mountain peaks, birds, fishing boats, wind, color, life, freedom, and love.
How many years can a mountain exist
before it is washed to the sea?
How many years can some people exist
before they're allowed to be free
? [Then, sing that song for me one last time.]
[No need. Since we've decided to part, why add to the sadness?]
[I'm leaving.] The
answer my friend is blowin' in the wind.
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
The answer is blowin' in the wind . Fragments of memory connected into a line on this unexpected night, the beginning and end of which were those bright, sparkling eyes. Ren Zheng gazed at Jiang Can, a thought welling up in his mind:
If I have no other desires, at least I will receive nothingness; if I attempt to seize, I will surely destroy myself. After seeing Grandpa off, he didn't even look at Kang Shou's face. In fact, he didn't look at anyone's face. He ran towards his Porsche as if fleeing. Drive away. Then he would think it was a dream, the dream would end, and the war wouldn't begin. Tonight, the moonlight is like water, and the city lights are the stars reflected in this water. Ren Zheng saw Jiang Can sitting on the hood of his Porsche, his posture elegant and relaxed, just like long ago. The look in his eyes was the brightest star among the stars. “There are only five of these cars in this city; they’re a limited edition. If you scratch them, it’ll be awkward for both of us,” Ren Zheng said, looking at the Swiss Army boots on Jiang Can’s long, slender legs. Jiang Can stared blankly at Ren Zheng for a long while, then suddenly laughed. “You’re more interesting than before.” “Really?” Ren Zheng looked at the blooming smile without a trace of amusement. He said, “If you don’t mind, please get out. I’m leaving.” Jiang Can’s smile froze on her lips. “Haven’t you forgiven my willfulness back then?” the little sun asked somewhat sadly. Ren Zheng looked into the other’s eyes and said, “It’s not a matter of forgiveness. I understand that feelings can’t be forced. And I don’t have the ability to force you, do I? You never let anything change your decisions.” Ren Zheng continued, “I’m just an ordinary man; I just can’t smile at a lover who abandoned me.” Ren Zheng looked away and walked towards the car door. The moment he touched the car door, slender, smooth fingers grabbed his arm, followed by the sound of rapid breathing beside his ear. The warmth of his body momentarily stunned Ren Zheng. His scent still captivated him. "Don't go. Xiao Ren. Don't go," he called her name. She slowly turned around, their gazes locked. His dark eyes shone like two radiant gems in the moonlight, his long hair danced in the wind, brushing past his nose, as if his provocative gaze had taken on a tangible form. "I want to be with you again," Jiang Can said easily, uttering the forbidden words. She pushed him away and opened the door. As she stepped inside, she was forcefully pulled back. "Please don't go," he said, his alluring breath like a serpent coiling around her. "It keeps echoing..." He hugged her neck, "Your last words, you shouted so loudly, I could hear them clearly from the other side of the street. You said you loved me. You would always love me." His lips trembled, filled with fear. Was he afraid she would refuse? Ren Zheng found it somewhat amusing; it was always him who was afraid. “That sentence can’t be erased; it always echoes in my ears. When I sing, when I play the piano, when I eat, sleep, walk, make love… even dancing makes me feel empty. You said you’d love me forever. Xiao Ren.” The name vanished from his lips. Stiff, avoiding his gaze, Ren Zheng instinctively got into the car, shutting out the person who had murmured those loving words. If I have no other desires, at least I will receive nothingness; if I try to possess, I will destroy myself. Start the car; leaving will make me forget. Behind him, Jiang Can, like an enraged beast, rushed in front of the car, spreading his arms and smiling with his eyes closed in the two beams of light. The car swerved sharply in front of him, crashing into the garage door, his head slumping against the steering wheel. Tears inexplicably welled up. “What do you want from me?” he shouted, demanding that he embrace him because he was willing to come back, only to be abandoned again. Jiang Can, you may be my god. But I must at least learn to let go. "I don't want anything." Jiang Can walked up to Ren Zheng, staring intently into his eyes, then took off his shirt and leather shorts. He pulled Ren Zheng's hand inside his underwear, the heat inside surging into Ren Zheng's palm, pulsating slightly. "I don't want anything, just have me right now." "Even if it's just out of pity, I want your penis inside me, fuck me hard. If you can let me go after we've done it, I'll disappear immediately. I'll never appear in your sight again." Nightmares came one after another on that night when the cicadas were silent. Ren Zheng dreamed that he saw Jiang Can again, that morning when they first met; he dreamed that they were passionately entwined in the simple house; he also dreamed of Jiang Can's heartless face when he left him; he dreamed of his dance, as if burning everything.

It contained emotion.
Then, he embraced her beside his beloved car, begging for pleasure, like a female cat who never felt shy.
They began to make love.
The scene of making love was somewhat different from before, yet somewhat overlapping.
Ren Zheng felt himself becoming unusually rough, the anger surging within him burning away his reason.
In the garage, where someone could come in at any moment, he trapped Jiang Can between the car door and his body.
He pressed Jiang Can's head down, forcing him onto the low car seat, Jiang Can's buttocks sticking up high, his long legs trembling in the summer breeze, neither kneeling nor standing. The pink opening of his vagina opened and closed under his gaze, automatically becoming wet even without a man's touch.
Seeing this scene, the dreamer was both impulsive and furious.
He called Jiang Can's name over and over again. He called him a slut, a whore.
He accused him of being promiscuous and shameless. He even seemed to slap him.
When he thrust his penis hard into the narrow opening, Jiang Can did not resist.
Ren Zheng thought it was indeed a dream.
In his hazy memory, he remembered that the first time he entered Jiang Can, Jiang Can immediately knelt on the ground in pain.
Then, he struggled to stand up and lie flat, making it easier for Ren Zheng to penetrate him.
Along with his own fluids, bright red blood also came out.
Even many years ago, during their first time making love, he hadn't made Jiang Can bleed.
Just as Ren Zheng was about to enter a second time, someone entered the garage.
He pushed Jiang Can into the car. On the reclined seat, he entered Jiang Can's body head-on.
He remembered Jiang Can's expression. His
face was clearly filled with pain, devoid of pleasure, yet he possessed an unexpectedly tender and alluring gaze.
There wasn't a trace of doubt or hesitation in his eyes, just like the gaze of a lovestruck couple years ago.
Jiang Can offered his body to Ren Zheng, and in the intertwining of their bodies, he conveyed this message: as long as you're still willing to embrace me, it doesn't matter if I'm treated like this.
In this confined space, the sound of engines occasionally echoed outside.
Ren Zheng couldn't remember how many times he had ejaculated on Jiang Can.
As he drifted off to sleep, he saw Jiang Can remove the underwear stuffed in his mouth, struggling to move his body, which had been contorted in agony, and carefully lie down beside him.
He didn't cry, but smiled and said sorry.
Sorry. Because in a place like this, I couldn't let you do it properly.
So I'm sorry.
After saying this, he moved his head to Ren Zheng's genitals, taking Ren Zheng's penis into his mouth and gently caressing it.
In that warm, non-stimulating caress, Ren Zheng burst into tears.
Even more deserving of tears was Jiang Can, who hadn't been able to release even once during this intercourse that lasted half the night.
Ren Zheng didn't understand why he was crying so bitterly.
Perhaps he understood that Jiang Can's expression of love at this moment was entirely genuine.
It was just that this expression was so frank that it made him secretly afraid that in the near future, he might also be so frank.
Ren Zheng cried as he drifted off to sleep.
He thought this was just a dream, and everything would end when he woke up.
The next day, Ren Zheng began the process of waking up. His body felt the warmth of another human being.
He saw Jiang Can's head resting against his chest, his purple hair gleaming in the sunlight like a crown on a prince's head.
The hope that nightmares offer lies in their ability to vanish in the sunlight; but when a nightmare persists under the sun, it should be called reality.
While waiting for Jiang Can to wake up, Ren Zheng quickly made a decision.
So, as Jiang Can smiled sweetly at him sleepily, Ren Zheng told him something.
He said, "Jiang Can, I can't be with you anymore. I have a lover now."
Jiang Can's smile froze on his face. He got up and rolled down the car window, the fresh morning air sweeping away the stale air inside.
"I want you to leave him. You still love me." He said, "I know. You've always loved me."
"Ren, you can't live against your feelings."
Ren Zheng didn't say anything more to Jiang Can. He reached over Jiang Can and opened the car door.
He said, "I can't do this. I'm not you. Leave."
Jiang Can stared blankly at him, his eyes confused and helpless.
He wanted to leave, but didn't know how to take the first step.
Outside the open car door, the sunlight was hazy.
Ren Zheng watched his departing figure, unable to discern the emotions in his heart.
But he understood that no matter how much love there was, some things, once missed, would never return—that was Ren Zheng's thought.
Yet, the pain remained unchanged, no matter how much time had passed.
Was this decision wrong?
Ren Zheng couldn't help but ask himself.
So be it.
Let bygones be bygones.
He looked up, preparing to drive.
But what he saw was still that face.
Jiang Can had returned.
He handed Ren Zheng a note.
"My phone number and address are on it," he said, his eyes filled with the purest hope. "You have a lover, I don't care. I'll wait for you, I'll always wait for you."
Ren Zheng took the note and drove away from the garage. Looking out the car window, the city was just waking up.
As he crossed the bridge, Ren Zheng considered throwing the note out of his pocket.
But in the end, he put it in his wallet.
After a comfortable bath, Ren Zheng came out of the bathroom and decided to skip work for the day.
He gave his secretary a briefing on the day's tasks over the phone. He lay on the luxurious double bed, yet found himself unable to sleep.
Looking out from his slanted gaze, the sky was no longer the sky, nor the earth the earth. The city was divided into two colors by a winding line.
He loathed this monotony, hated this indifference.
So, long, long ago, he had tried to find solace in another kind of madness.
All-night dancing, unrestrained sex, hallucinogenic drugs, deafening music, colorful illusions; he abandoned everything he once possessed, relying on begging and odd jobs to travel to many places, then stopped somewhere and began to try squatting.
The day he met Jiang Can, he hadn't yet sobered up from the intoxication of LSD.
He met him through this slanted gaze.
The two lived together in an abandoned old factory, seemingly doing everything and yet seemingly doing nothing.
Ren Zheng gave a self-deprecating laugh.
Sometimes, looking back, he felt that perhaps everything was just his own fantasy hidden under the influence of drugs.
A relationship too detached from reality, built on nothingness…
When he woke up, he was back in his old life.
In truth, how a person lives is predetermined. It's something ingrained in their very bones.
Just like Jiang Can's wandering footsteps won't stop for him.
Ren Zheng picked up his wallet from the bedside table and threw the slip of paper with Jiang Can's address on it into the trash can.
The white crumpled paper drew a beautiful parabola in the center of the room, hitting its target perfectly.
The empty room.
Lonely and desolate.
To say there are lovers is obviously a lie.
His own body is more steadfast than his heart.
He just doesn't know for whom he's guarding his purity.
He tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep no matter what. Ren Zheng simply got up, turned on his computer, and started working.
So, a person can't live without a career to rely on, Ren Zheng thought with emotion. He casually opened his email.
There was a new email.
The sender was his little cousin, Xu Fengling.
Since becoming addicted to the internet, Xu Fengling resolutely refused to use the phone and switched to email.
She often sent some ridiculous letters, making Ren Zheng both laugh and cry.
Once, she even mysteriously gave Ren Zheng a website address. Upon entering, he discovered it was a foreign pornographic website.
The sudden appearance of a busty beauty startled Ren Zheng.
If Xu Fengling knew her cousin was gay, she might have looked incredulous.
Ren Zheng opened the email but was shocked by its contents.
Xu Fengling said she had fallen in love with someone she shouldn't. She was in great pain.
She wanted to talk to Ren Zheng and asked him to meet her sometime.
Ren Zheng glanced at the email; it was three days old.
This little vixen—he clearly met her last night, so why hadn't she mentioned it?
Right. Yesterday…
Ren Zheng shook his head, trying not to think too much. He decided to meet Xu Fengling now.
Of all his family members, only Xu Fengling was like a younger sister to him.
There are many kinds of affection in the world. Xu Fengling gave him precious kinship.
From the window of his "sky" (a website), he saw Xu Fengling skipping and hopping across the street.
Like any young girl in her prime, Xu Fengling was dressed beautifully, radiating youthful energy.
Her looks weren't particularly outstanding, and her figure was on the plump side. Among the handsome men and beautiful women around the Ren family, she wasn't particularly noticeable.
Ren Zheng knew that Xu Fengling carried the Ren family bloodline.
Her attachment and persistence towards things
were almost obsessive.
This feeling had no origin, yet it was very strong.
"Brother Zheng," Fengling called sweetly, then continued, "You haven't contacted me in so long! Do you have a girlfriend and have forgotten about your distant cousin?" "You
silly girl, we just saw each other yesterday,"
Ren Zheng said with a smile, looking at the pure innocence unique to Xu Fengling's youthful face. His heart felt like it was bathed in a spring breeze, leaving no trace of dust.
"Yesterday, I don't know who was out of their mind, calling several times without responding. Today, they're interrogating me."
"Besides, she was so nervous when she saw the old man that she didn't dare move an inch."
Ren Zheng listened with a smile, beckoning a waiter to order a glass of Mandheling.
Xu Fengling ordered a glass of iced water.
Ren Zheng watched her gracefully lift her cup and moisten her lips, feeling an inexplicable unease.
"Girl, what are you doing? When did you start acting like a spoiled young lady? Don't let your brother laugh his teeth out."
"Brother, how can you talk like that? I'm eighteen now. I can't always act like a child."
"Alright, alright. Life is tiring enough as it is. You're torturing yourself." He then had the waiter bring an ice cream to Xu Fengling.
"That ice water has no flavor, it's not suitable for you. Seeing you like that makes my teeth ache."
Xu Fengling grinned: "Brother Ren, are you going to see the dentist later?"
"Huh? Why would I see the dentist?"
"Hehe, seeing you acting like your teeth are ache and you're about to fall out, I'm worried about you."
They smiled at each other.
Xu Fengling scooped a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth, swallowed it happily, and then let out a satisfied sigh.
Ren Zheng looked out the window. It was the hottest part of summer noon, and the road outside was a blinding white.
A fire truck roared past in the distance.
"Dry weather, be careful with fire," Xu Fengling blurted out.
Ren Zheng was delighted.
"You've come up with such an elegant phrase?"
"Hehe, it just came to mind."
"Brother Ren, Dad has arranged a blind date for me tomorrow. The other party is the son of a property owner."
Xu Fengling sighed, "Why do people always have to grow up?"
Ren Zheng knew his uncle had long wanted to marry Fengling into a wealthy family, desperately begging his grandfather to find a suitable match, also eyeing his grandfather's inheritance.
How could Fengling, so young and with her own dreams, be happy about her father's arrangements?
He said, "Don't sigh. Haven't you heard that a sigh can cause happiness to slip away?"
Xu Fengling looked at Ren Zheng in surprise and suddenly burst into laughter: "Haha... I never expected to hear such a thing from you, brother. I thought you'd long since become a business warrior, heartless and ruthless."
"Still so sharp-tongued," Ren Zheng smiled wryly.
“Brother, I’ve loved someone for a long time. I’m always happy when I’m with him.”
Xu Fengling’s expression became distant. “We first met on that overpass over there. Every time I pass by that overpass, there’s a singer there. Today I made a bet with myself: if the singer is up there, I’ll confess to him; if no one is up there, I’ll give up.”
Xu Fengling suddenly stopped.
“Is anyone up there?” Ren Zheng asked. “Whether anyone is up there or
not doesn’t matter. Because I know my true feelings. I want to be with that person.”
Xu Fengling looked at Ren Zheng and said.
“Then why are you still so uneasy?” Ren Zheng looked at Xu Fengling with concern.
“Yes…why? Confessing is supposed to be a happy thing, and I’m not afraid of being rejected. Or rather, I’m afraid of being accepted.”
Xu Fengling said, “If he accepts, I’ll love him even more. When I can’t live without him, he won’t want me anymore. What will I do then?”
“Silly girl. As long as you’ve loved sincerely, does the outcome really matter?” Ren Zheng said.
As he spoke, he asked himself, really, doesn’t the outcome matter?
Can someone who says they're content with what they once had truly be content?
When all their feelings have been wasted, can they simply laugh it off and let go?
He knows the answer, doesn't he?
The shadow of that lovemaking six years ago still lingers in his heart.
He's afraid, he's cowering.
What kind of new life can someone who's afraid to even openly express their emotions and thoughts have?
Not everyone is suited to the rules of this society; some will always get hurt and then hurt others in return.
But, faced with Xu Fengling's problem, Ren Zheng could only say to have more courage and confidence, and try to believe in things like forever.
At least, one has to do something so as not to regret it later.
But Ren Zheng knew very well that he truly regretted falling in love with Jiang Can. He deeply
regretted it.
If it weren't for him, would things be different?
He had been thinking about this question for the past few years.
After sending Xu Fengling back to school, Ren Zheng began to feel tired.
His head felt like it was encased in stone, a heavy, stagnant weight.
His upper and lower eyelids seemed to finally meet, desperately trying to close to each other.
Ren Zheng wanted to sleep.
This feeling was like sudden insomnia; sudden drowsiness was equally troubling.
Finally, he managed to get back to his apartment, and standing in the elevator, Ren Zheng tried hard to recall his comfortable bed at home.
Two other women in the elevator were whispering, seemingly discussing a fire.
Ren Zheng could barely make out the fragmented information.
…South Road…Minsheng Lane…arson…
One woman said the fire was spectacular.
The other chimed in, saying there was a gas station over there…the sky was half red.
“I heard the fire started at dawn. It burned for five hours!”
“Exactly. The whole city’s fire brigade was mobilized…”
The elevator arrived.
Ren Zheng stepped out and entered the building.
Outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, sure enough, thick smoke billowed from a corner of the city under a blue sky.
Red, like blood, painted the horizon.
South Road…Minsheng Lane…
Ren Zheng felt he had forgotten something, a sense of unease creeping into his heart.
There was no reason for it; Feng Ling had been safely returned to school.
His eyelids kept drooping…Cheer up…
[There’s a gas station over there.]
[I wonder how many people will die.]
[The people living there are really unlucky.]
[A bolt from the blue.]
South Road…Minsheng Lane…
…No. 29 Minsheng Lane…
Strange. Whose address is this? No one lives nearby.
[This is my phone number and address.]
[I'll wait for you, I'll always wait for you.]
*Bang!* The water glass in his hand made intimate contact with the ground, shattering into pieces before it could even complain to its owner.
The note, where did he throw it?
Not in his pocket, not on the table, not on the bed, his wallet? Right, his wallet.
No. 1. How could this be? Still nothing.
Right. The wastebasket.
Ren Zheng yanked the wastebasket over. A small white crumpled piece of paper appeared before his eyes. No. 29, Minsheng Lane
, ××× South Road 40×××××× "Jiang Can…" A low whistle escaped his lips, and Ren Zheng rushed out of his house. Thick smoke attempted to dominate the world, flames tried to vent their anger. Ren Zheng stood behind the crowded people, unable to believe what he was seeing. The entire Minsheng Lane was like boiling water that had accidentally overflowed, steaming and chaotic. People behind and in front of him desperately called out the names of their loved ones, as if that could undo everything that had happened. The buildings in Minsheng Lane were already quite old and were being included in the government's development plan. This made things easier. The gas station exploded as the fire spread, adding fuel to the fire. Five people died instantly. The cause of the fire is now a matter of much speculation. But what did all this mean to Ren Zheng? His mind was blank, and he could only think about whether Jiang Can was there. He didn't have the courage to confirm. They broke up in the early morning, and in that situation, where could he go besides home? Jiang Can was a clean person, and washing himself was very important to him. Ren Zheng glanced at the injured being carried into the ambulance past him; the indistinct, black, mushy things were writhing painfully on the white stretchers. Ren Zheng could no longer hold back and vomited. All sorts of organs rushed to his throat, his heart, liver, spleen, and lungs vying to escape; the filth from deep in his throat seemed to transform into startled, disoriented birds, scattering in all directions in the air. When all he could manage was dry heave stomach acid, licking the sour, foul taste in his mouth, Ren Zheng squatted down, buried his head between his knees, and cried. In just ten hours, he had somehow become accustomed to this way of crying. Had he become more fragile, or had the world become more cruel? "Damn it… crying like this for a piece of trash… a piece of trash… I might as well get a sex change…" "Damn it. Is this what they call misfortune never coming singly? I was just dumped, and all my wealth has turned to ashes… Let me go… let me burn to death in there!" "Sir! Stop this nonsense!" The clamor from the side was exceptionally jarring. Ren Zheng's anger surged. Was this some kind of joke?! My world is gone! And you're still concerned about material possessions! Is God mocking me? "Fuck you, you little bastard…" He turned his head, the angry curse fading from his throat. Because the other person noticed his gaze and turned away as well. Their eyes met, and they remained silent for a long time. That face, devoid of common sense, was none other than Jiang Can's. "Xiao Ren." Jiang Can was also taken aback. But then he laughed and threw himself into Ren Zheng's arms. "Xiao Ren. You're here." He couldn't hide the smile on his face, calling Ren Zheng's name joyfully, "You're here. I'm so happy." Ren Zheng pushed him away abruptly. "You, you devil... why did you appear? Not only that, but you also fooled me like this." Ren Zheng cried, his face covered in tears and snot, and he couldn't stop sobbing like a child. Jiang Can stepped forward and hugged him tightly, saying, "Xiao Ren, Xiao Ren, don't cry. It's all my fault... it's all my fault." The two intertwined tightly, their bodies intertwined. What did it matter if the whole world outside was burned to ashes? They both thought that as long as they were together, that would be enough. Jiang Can whispered in Ren Zheng's ear, "Let's start over. We can definitely be happy." Ren Zheng didn't say anything. He just hugged Jiang Can even tighter, as if the embrace had been broken. Could he let go of such warmth?

Can I let go?
Jiang Can pressed his forehead against Ren Zheng's, searching for his lips.
When their lips met, the gentle touch gradually turned into a violent bite.
Ren Zheng desperately swallowed those lips between his teeth.
From the corners of his lips to the inner lips, from the gaps between his teeth to the burning mouth, from the sweet saliva to the slippery tongue…
Ren Zheng swept over them all, savoring his territory.
The familiar rhythms of his body resurfaced in his mind.
Jiang Can's cheeks flushed, but his eyes shone brightly.
"What should I do?" he asked. "I want to make love to you."
Ren Zheng grabbed his hand and ran frantically towards the edge of the fire. Leaving the desolate fire and the astonished crowd behind.
The streets, vehicles, the goods filling the bustling shops, the blinding sunlight, the listless roadside trees, the blue sky, the hot wind, and the gray walls all rushed past our faces, becoming our backdrop.
God, please forgive my selfishness. At this moment, all I thought about was his life; I didn't care if everyone else died.
Is love a sin?
I couldn't answer myself.
He closed the door to the Vienna suite.
Ren Zheng impatiently pressed Jiang Can against the door and kissed him passionately.
When he pulled away, Jiang Can's legs went weak, and he almost collapsed to the ground. He breathed heavily, his eyes glistening with tears of excitement.
"You...you want to kill me? So hard."
Ren Zheng ignored his complaint, smiled, and pulled him back into his arms, kissing him again.
This time, it was like savoring a delicacy, his lips gently caressing
each other. His hands restlessly pulled open Jiang Can's clothes.
His tongue gradually moved down, lingering on Jiang Can's breasts.
Jiang Can couldn't resist the pleasure brought by this gentle, spring-like caress.
He trembled with happiness, immersed in this decadent pleasure.
His lower body was also swollen.
His body, ravaged the previous night, desperately needed gentle comfort.
Just as he was enjoying himself, Ren Zheng suddenly stopped.
"What's wrong?" Jiang Can asked, puzzled.
Ren Zheng's eyes held a rare rage.
He flicked Jiang Can's left nipple with his finger, then said, "You slept with someone else this morning. Just a few minutes after you slept with me."
He looked coldly at Jiang Can.
There was a clear ring of teeth marks on the swollen nipple.
"I didn't leave this mark last night."
Jiang Can was stunned, feeling a little guilty and not daring to look at Ren Zheng.
"Damn it." Ren Zheng cursed angrily.
He unbuttoned Jiang Can's jeans and pulled his trousers and underwear down to Jiang Can's ankles.
He spread Jiang Can's legs apart, revealing a white, sticky mark on his inner thigh.
He roughly pulled the other's waist, one hand around his buttocks, and without hesitation, inserted it into the anus.
Jiang Can's whole body shuddered, then relaxed and sucked Ren Zheng's finger deeper.
As expected, it was slippery and wet inside. His finger stirred in the liquid inside, making a blushing smacking sound as it went in and out.
Ren Zheng held up two fingers to Jiang Can, coated with a man's viscous fluid.
Jiang Can stared at Ren Zheng, a chill running through him.
This man was offering his body to win back his love, while simultaneously swaying his hips to seduce another man. And
all this happened in just a few hours?
Why had he fallen for someone like this?
If gay men couldn't even maintain the most basic fidelity in love, purely pursuing physical pleasure, what difference was there between them and promiscuous beasts in heat?
Ren Zheng's passionate emotions instantly extinguished.
"What is this? Are you treating me like a fool?"
Ren Zheng looked at Jiang Can with indescribable disappointment and despair.
If physical intimacy lacked spiritual connection, the more they were together, the emptier it felt.
He couldn't even bear to look at himself as such a fool, hoping for Jiang Can's love.
"What's the point of me staying here?"
Ren Zheng said, abruptly pushing Jiang Can away and trying to pull the door shut.
Jiang Can's body swayed unnaturally to the side. He tried to move his feet to steady himself, but his pants tripped him, and he fell to the ground.
Ren Zheng reflexively reached out to pull him up, but Jiang Can held his hand tightly.
He looked up at him, his face flushing and paling by turns, looking utterly pitiful.
"Don't go," Jiang Can said. He then pulled Ren Zheng's hand to his lips.
His pink tongue danced between his lips, licking from the base of his fingers, not missing a single joint, not even a single cell.
A tingling sensation flowed from his fingertips throughout his body, and the warmth of his mouth and tongue drove Ren Zheng almost mad.
"These are what you left behind," Jiang Can said, licking Ren Zheng's two fingers clean.
Ren Zheng snorted coldly and said, "Go ahead and try to fool a three-year-old."
"It's true," Jiang Can said, standing up as Ren Zheng pulled him up. He hugged Ren Zheng tightly from behind and continued,
"After leaving you yesterday, I knew you would never come back to me. Walking down the street, the stuff you left inside me flowed down my thighs. Suddenly, I didn't want to go home. I seriously wanted to start over with you. I didn't want your scent to disappear so quickly… Later, I went into a bar and ran into an acquaintance… I was really heartbroken, thinking about never seeing you again. I…"
"Enough!" Ren Zheng snapped.
"You're truly shameless. Are you going to tell me you went out and messed around because of me? How can I trust you like this? Or do you think you haven't hurt me enough over the years?"
Jiang Can desperately hugged Ren Zheng's body, which was trying to break free, and said, "Really... I'm sorry... everything on me is yours... and that other person... didn't go all the way. Because it was my initiative. Xiao Ren. Don't go. Please forgive me." Jiang Can buried his head in Ren Zheng's neck and continued, "If you're willing to stay by my side, I'll never go out and mess around with other people again. I swear... even if... even if you have a lover, even if you get married... as long as you still want me... my body is yours..."
Ren Zheng listened quietly to Jiang Can's pleas, feeling a warmth on his back. Was he crying? Was he crying for him? Ren Zheng pulled Jiang Can's hands away, wanting to turn around and look at his face.
But Jiang Can tightened his grip.
"Please. Forgive me... this time... From now on, no matter if it's a man... or a woman, I will remain chaste for you."
Hearing Jiang Can's soft pleas, Ren Zheng felt a surge of heat in his lower abdomen, and his penis automatically hardened.
He pulled Jiang Can's hands away, dragged him across the room, and threw him onto the bed.
"Damn it, how could you say such a thing?" Ren Zheng looked down at his prey on the bed.
Tearful eyes, blushing cheeks, slightly parted lips, a beautiful, white body beneath the shirt half-covering his skin, and a lower body that made his blood boil.
Wide-spread legs; a half-erect genital in the thicket of hair; the marks of yesterday's abuse; all of this fueled Ren Zheng's lust.
He straddled Jiang Can's stomach, staring at him and saying, "You're talking more and more like a woman."
Jiang Can turned his face away in shame and anger. But Ren Zheng wouldn't let him off the hook, turning his face back to him.
Jiang Can trembled, afraid that Ren Zheng would say something hurtful again.
Ren Zheng just stared at him blankly. He lowered his head, gently and slowly touching his lips, as if caressing his own treasure.
The two would sometimes separate, sometimes lightly peck at each other. Their necks were intertwined, their hair connected.
Ren Zheng greedily possessed every inch of Jiang Can's skin with his lips, his tongue, and his teeth.
When Ren Zheng slid down to Jiang Can's breasts, he suddenly bit down hard.
Jiang Can's left breast was so painful that he could barely feel it. He said, "Xiao Ren, bite away, whatever makes you happy."
Ren Zheng looked at him, at the blood seeping from his wounds, and said, "I hate you so much. I really hate you. How could you be so heartless? I love you so much." He said, almost unable to hold back his tears. "But now, I love you so much, I want to die with you like this. Then you'll never leave me again."
He searched for Jiang Can's lower abdomen, found the thing that brought him pleasure, and put it in his mouth.
Jiang Can shuddered and ejaculated in Ren Zheng's mouth.
He hugged Ren Zheng's head and said, "Xiao Ren, if it's you, I don't care if I'm a woman. Do whatever you want. I'll listen to whatever you say."
Ren Zheng pressed Jiang Can down on the bed, making him lie on his side, and lay down next to him.
His fingers traced the wounds on Jiang Can's body and said, "I don't want to be rough with you."
He pulled Jiang Can into his arms, feeling guilty about what happened yesterday.
Jiang Can curled up like a cat, even snuggling into Ren Zheng's arms in a spoiled manner.
Ren Zheng realized that Jiang Can had never seemed so vulnerable in his memory. He enjoyed the sensation of his touch on Jiang Can's body.
Ren Zheng felt that nothing else mattered; holding Jiang Can was more important than anything else.
He began to gently kiss his lover's snow-white neck, teasingly breathing hot air into his ear.
Using the residual fluids in Jiang Can's body, Ren Zheng easily entered him again.
Jiang Can offered almost no resistance, instead using his buttocks to push Ren Zheng's penis deeper into his body.
There was no passionate fervor or shyness of youthful intimacy; no suffocatingly intense movements or cathartic release; Ren Zheng found it hard to imagine that he and Jiang Can could be so peaceful together.
He found he loved this feeling, as if they would lie together on this bed for a lifetime.
Jiang Can panted, moving his hips to rub against his penis, urging Ren Zheng to leave his seed inside him.
Ren Zheng felt a surge of heat in his lower body, a rush of heat shooting deep into his lover's core.
As Jiang Can ejaculated, his entire body seemed to spring up; he cried out and shifted a few centimeters away.
The two gazed at each other's faces, speechless.
Ren Zheng quietly approached his lover's sweaty cheek and captured his lips.
Jiang Can wanted Ren Zheng to say he loved him.
Ren Zheng stroked his hair and said he would love him forever.
Perhaps no one could predict the future, but Ren Zheng and Jiang Can, in the most blissful posture, drifted off to sleep in the cold hotel room of the city.
Rain began to fall outside the window sometime earlier, the pattering sound mixed with the acrid smell waking Ren Zheng.
He opened his eyes to find it was just dawn, and Jiang Can was sitting under the dim lamp, smoking.
There were traces of tears on his face, but Ren Zheng pretended not to notice, frowning as he said, "I don't like secondhand smoke. I've quit."
Jiang Can said, "I'm sorry, I woke you."
He walked to the French windows, pulled back the curtains, and opened a window.
The damp morning air of the city rushed in. The rhythm of the rain was audible.
Ren Zheng's heart raced as he looked at Jiang Can, who stood by the window smoking.
Ren Zheng couldn't believe that such a proud man was so submissive in their relationship.
Thinking of the vulnerability Jiang Can had never shown him, a wave of pity washed over Ren Zheng.
He loved this man so deeply, though sometimes his heart was filled with doubt.
He put on his pajamas, grabbed a blanket, and went behind Jiang Can, wrapping him up.
"Even in summer, it's easy to catch a cold,"
Jiang Can said, tossing his cigarette butt away. The butt fell rapidly in the rain, as if swallowed by the boundless darkness.
"Wang, the guard downstairs, should be up and open the door by now; and Old Jiang, who sells soy milk, should be setting up his stall on the street. His soy milk is really authentic; the elderly couple on the second floor should be out jogging around the neighborhood by now; they'll be greeting the kids reading English on the ninth floor when they pass the flowerbeds..."
"Can?"
Jiang Can turned around and hugged Ren Zheng, saying, "There are so many people down there, why can't I see any of them?
" Ren Zheng hugged him back, saying, "It's raining today!"
"Yes." Jiang Can gazed at Ren Zheng and said, "Little Ren, I only have you. I only have you now. "
Ren Zheng gently kissed him.
"I've become someone I don't even recognize anymore," Jiang Can said.
"We've both changed," Ren Zheng also said, "But we're together again."
One night, as summer was drawing to a close, Ren Zheng had a dream.
In London's unique foggy season, Jiang Can stood on the stage of the hottest live house on "Rock Street," singing wildly.
Below the stage was an equally frenzied crowd.
Ren Zheng, hidden in the crowd, felt himself gradually becoming a pale background. To Jiang Can, he was just a stranger indistinguishable from the roaring crowd.
In the moment the music froze, he heard screams, and the spotlights overhead intensified.
Then, he fainted in the crowd, and Jiang Can didn't
even glance at him. When he awoke, he was overwhelmed by an overwhelming loneliness.
Is human existence destined to be accompanied by this kind of sadness throughout life? A pointless sadness produced by the contradiction between an individual's mode of existence and their spiritual destiny.
The answer drifts in the wind, left for people to ask themselves.
Jiang Can said he no longer recognized himself.
Ren Zheng thought that this Jiang Can was no longer Jiang Can.
It sounded contradictory, yet it was the most accurate description.
It was clearly the same eyes, the same eyebrows, the same tone, the same actions, but he was no longer himself.
Jiang Can had lost the burning passion of life; the passion that once fueled him had instead ignited the love he pursued, which was Ren Zheng himself.
This emotion was intense, but it also left a sense of emptiness.
The two argued frequently, but they never broke up.
On the contrary, they were both increasingly in pain, yet increasingly inseparable.
Even if it seemed pointless, fake, and a waste of energy and time before meeting,
the moment they met, seeing that person's burning eyes and touching their warm skin, separation became utterly impossible.
Ren Zheng thought that, in a way, the two of them were already in danger of indulging in physical desires and losing something more precious.
But then he thought, what's wrong with indulging in lust?
The soul is something that can't be touched by effort. No matter how much communication or mutual understanding there is, two hearts can never truly become one. The more one yearns for meaningless tenderness, the more one distorts their true nature, and in the end, they only lose their own hearts.
Ren Zheng told one lie after another.
People lie to cover up the distance between them, which only creates a greater distance.
Ren Zheng lied to widen the distance between them; he had forgotten the original purpose of lying.
He instinctively let the lies spread, letting Jiang Can live in an abyss of suspicion, doubt, and pain.
Because he discovered that the more Jiang Can suffered, the happier he was.
He knew Jiang Can hated Kang Shou more and more, hated him, hated himself.
He knew Jiang Can's emotions were becoming increasingly unstable.
Sometimes he would call him dozens of times a day, sometimes there would be no news for days, and less than a week later he would appear at Ren Zheng's apartment door, crying and begging Ren Zheng to say he loved him; he would throw all the furniture out of the apartment, and the next moment he would climb onto Ren Zheng's lap and lick his lips; sometimes, Ren Zheng would wake up in the middle of the night and see Jiang Can sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at him without saying a word.
Ren Zheng understood that they were torturing each other, and he couldn't say he enjoyed this torment.
But Ren Zheng knew himself very well, so what? Even if Jiang Can went crazy, even if he lost his life and died with him... all the dangers couldn't compare to the satisfaction of that moment, the feeling of Jiang Can's gaze being fixed only on him.
His infatuation, his madness, his insanity were all for him, weren't they?
This was the only thing Ren Zheng cared about.
The two of them occasionally had moments of tenderness. On a certain passionate night, they would go to a bar for drinks, chat, and hold hands on the way home. Then they kissed by the door, spent half an hour opening it, and made love under the moonlight.
They didn't draw the curtains.
One day in October, Jiang Can called Ren Zheng. He wanted Ren Zheng to go to the amusement park with him. Ren Zheng
laughed
on the other end of the phone, saying, "How old do you think we are!" Jiang Can was silent on the other end of the phone, then said, "Do you remember when we were in London? We didn't have a penny, but you promised to take me to Disneyland. I want to go now."
Jiang Can's words stirred up sweet and painful memories for Ren Zheng.
Then he said, "Okay."
On the day they went, Ren Zheng's hair was disheveled, he wore a black t-shirt with a cotton shirt over it, Lee jeans, and Nike sneakers. Ren Zheng looked relaxed in the mirror.
Jiang Can was all in blue. A fluorescent blue V-neck t-shirt, blue leather pants, blue boots, and blue-streaked hair.
Ren Zheng laughed as soon as he saw him, saying, "Do you know? There was an old woman in America who only liked purple her whole life. As a result, in her old age, she drove a purple car, lived in a purple house, and all the furniture in her house was purple. Her name was Purle, and the funniest thing is that she only ate grapes and onions. In the end, her skin also turned purple, and the doctor said it was a genetic mutation."
Jiang Can grinned, revealing his blue-painted teeth, and said, "Really? I'll just have to starve to death in my old age."
"Because you'll be sleeping on the streets?"
"Because there's no blue food in the world."
"Hehe, it seems that old woman's liking for purple was premeditated."
The two chatted and laughed as they headed towards the amusement park.
When passion has burned out, the embers are always unusually calm.
This is a truth.
When Ren Zheng saw Xu Fengling and Ren Ting, he and Jiang Can were vomiting profusely next to a trash can after getting off the roller coaster.
Jiang Can was serving him a glass of water while mocking him.
The two were a little panicked when they saw him. Xu Fengling smiled weakly, her face pale. Ren Ting, on the other hand, was gloomy. He was completely surprised when he saw Jiang Can with Ren Zheng. Ren Zheng thought Ren Ting must have sensed something.
Ren Ting, nominally Ren Zheng's cousin, didn't get along well with him. To be precise, Ren Ting harbored the hatred of an adopted son for his biological father.
There were many versions of Ren Ting's background. Some said he was Ren Honghong's secret lover, others said he was Ren Honghong's illegitimate son. Regardless, he was very talented and influential in the business world, so he was highly valued by Old Master Ren. He
served as the chairman's special assistant in the Ren Group, always by the old master's side.
During Ren Zheng's dissolute years, he had assisted the old master in holding a powerful position in the group. During
that time, he was very outspoken, but after Ren Zheng returned to the Ren Group, he immediately became more discreet, becoming a completely behind-the-scenes figure in the company.
Ren Zheng had always suspected that the old master had said something to him or suppressed his influence in the company.
After all, Ren Zheng was the true heir of the Ren family bloodline.
That day, the bright and clear weather suddenly turned gloomy, with dark clouds gathering.
After many events occurred, Ren Zheng reflected carefully and realized that many things had already been foreshadowed that day; it's just that humans are too insignificant to know how fate will wield its mighty hand.
At that time, Ren Zheng didn't see anything; he was too focused on the possibility of his relationship with Jiang Can being discovered. He was wondering what Ren Ting was thinking as he looked at him and spoke meaningless words, wondering if he was trying to find some trace of something between him and Jiang Can.
Therefore, Ren Zheng couldn't remember the expressions on the faces of the four people that day, or what they said.
He suddenly realized something he had never realized before.
Unlike six years ago, he and Jiang Can now had more than just the purest questions about each other, about love, about eternity, about betrayal. His relationship with him affected many people.
He and Jiang Can were no longer children.
Later, on their way home, the two squeezed onto a bus.
Jiang Can leaned against the handrail and smiled at Ren Zheng, saying, "To get to know a city, you have to ride its buses."
Ren Zheng smiled too. He dangled from the handrail, imagining himself and Jiang Can riding the bus every day.
Even though the bus wasn't crowded, Ren Zheng could still sense an atmosphere that didn't belong to him, an atmosphere belonging to the middle class.
That anxious, preoccupied atmosphere stirred a deep sadness in Ren Zheng's heart. There was no disgust, no envy, only a profound sorrow.
Then, Ren Zheng said, "Actually, the atmosphere on any bus is the same in any city."
As the city lights began to twinkle, the two walked back to Jiang Can's apartment.
Ren Zheng walked ahead, Jiang Can followed behind, neither of them speaking.
When they were almost at their destination, Jiang Can suddenly ran to Ren Zheng's side, took his hand, and said, "Don't worry. That's not something you should be concerned about."
In that instant, looking at Jiang Can, Ren Zheng realized once again how much he loved him.
He longed to hold him close, burying his face in his neck, to whisper sweet nothings in his ear and tell him he would never leave him, to confess that everything was unfounded… so, please don't look so sad.
But in the end, even as they entered the apartment and began to kiss, many words remained unspoken.
Once a person begins to fear something, they will never be brave again.
Several months later, one morning, Ren Zheng woke up alone.
He knocked over a lucky charm Kang Shou had given him, the crystal ornament shattering on the floor.
Ren Zheng's eyelids twitched; he decided to go see Kang Shou.
Before leaving, he checked his emails and remembered that Xu Fengling hadn't contacted him for a very long time.
Ren Zheng wondered if Xu Fengling, who had fallen in love with Ren Ting, was experiencing sweetness or bitterness.
Before reaching Kang Shou's house, Ren Zheng made a phone call.
Kang Shou was home. His voice held a bewildered quality, a calming after initial panic.
"It's you. That's surprising. You two are truly of one mind."
"What did you say?"
"Go ask your little lover. She has such a bewitching face, but the things she does are despicable." Kang Shou sounded angry: "And you, what are you doing? When did we have a physical relationship? I had no idea."
Ren Zheng was startled and said, "He came to see you?"
Kang Shou sneered on the phone: "He didn't come. He sent three muscular men as his representatives. They actually tried to rape me."
"God!" Ren Zheng stopped and yelled into the phone: "Stay home and don't move. Protect yourself. I'm coming right away. By the way, did you call the police?"
"Ren Zheng, don't worry!" Hearing Ren Zheng's anxiety, Kang Shou laughed and said, "I've already taken care of it. They didn't expect I had learned real martial arts. But it was really close; if there had been another person, I would have been finished." "Wait
for me at home."
"Alright, come and see this mess. Think carefully about the compensation."
Ren Zheng stood blankly in the center of Kang Shou's room, all the furniture and decorations destined for destruction.
The chaotic room hinted at the terrifying ordeal Kang Shou had faced yesterday.
Kang Shou, who had promised to wait for him, wasn't there.
What happened to him?
Ren Zheng felt a surge of panic. How could he face his childhood friend if something had happened to Kang Shou?
A phone rang from the ruins. Ren Zheng hurriedly picked up the phone lying on the ground, only to realize it was his own cell phone ringing.
It was Jiang Can calling, asking Ren Zheng to come to his apartment for dinner.
"Where are you?" he asked.
"I'm at Kang Shou's house. Something happened to him. You should know that, right?"
Jiang Can's voice suddenly lowered, and he murmured unconsciously, "You're with him."
Just as Ren Zheng was about to question Jiang Can, the phone abruptly hung up.
The phone rang again, this time from the surviving Kang Shou.
“Ah Zheng, it’s me, Kang Shou.”
“Where have you been? Are you crazy? What are you doing instead of staying home after something like this? Are you trying to scare me to death?”
“Fine, for saying that, at least you have some conscience, at least you’re not completely heartless.”
“You still have the nerve to argue with me.”
“Relax, relax. I’m fine. I was thinking about a lot of things while waiting for you, and suddenly I wanted to go for a walk.”
Kang Shou’s voice was unusually relaxed.
He said, “I walked to the overpass near Xining Road, and unexpectedly heard a street performer singing. When I finished listening, I realized I was actually crying.”
He started humming, and Ren Zheng thought he must have heard this song somewhere before, but he couldn’t remember where.
Kang Shou continued talking, recounting all sorts of things they experienced in their youthful days. The phone timer rang again and again. Kang Shou talked about how they tricked their teacher and ruined his reputation, and then he laughed with Ren Zheng.
Kang Shou said he would never write erotic novels again. Because when he wrote them, he would get an erection, and he became a real man again.
“What the hell have I been afraid of all these years? Was what happened back then my fault? You know, Zheng, the only person who came to see me in the hospital was my teacher, the teacher I made cry. I've been waiting for you all this time, but you never showed up.”
Ren Zheng was speechless.
There are always many things in life that can never be explained.
“Thank you for your little lover. His strong medicine brought me back to my senses. Zheng, we've been together for decades, we know each other so well we even know what each other's hemorrhoids look like, but we've always missed our chance. Actually, it's just that we lacked courage.”
“Zheng, don't be too concerned about gains and losses in matters of the heart. He's by your side now, but he might be gone tomorrow. It's fate that you have a chance to start over, but it's a sin to miss it.”
“Go and explain things to him,” Kang Shou said, “so that next time he brings four people, I won't be wronged.”
Ren Zheng felt a warmth in his heart, unable to say a word.
Finally, he said, “Thank you.”
Whenever he felt like he was about to sink into the world, Kang Shou would always pull him up from where he couldn't see him.
Even if love vanishes in an instant, what is there to fear if there's someone always by your side?
Jiang Can stood at the door waiting for Ren Zheng, his neatly packed luggage bags at his feet.
Ren Zheng kicked the pile of luggage and said, "What is this? Trying to break up with me?"
Jiang Can looked at Ren Zheng and said, "Don't ask me anything anymore. I did what happened to Kang Shou."
"I hate him," he said. "You know perfectly well, yet you deliberately torture me."
"You came here to break up with me, right? Do you want me to get out of this city immediately?"
"Because I hurt the person you love most."
Jiang Can's face held a long-unseen resolve.
Ren Zheng felt a strange fear; he was afraid Jiang Can would show this expression, because it was the same expression he had when he left him.
Ren Zheng said, "Jiang Can. Kang Shou is not my lover."
"Jiang Can. I've always only had you."
"Come live with me at my place. I think we can start over."
As Jiang Can and Ren Zheng lay on the bed, Jiang Can admitted that everything that had just happened was an act.
“I won’t leave you again,” he said. “It’s painful, but I don’t want to leave you. You’ve always been my everything.”
He said that if Ren Zheng had really tried to break up with him just now, he would have jumped out of the apartment window, just like the furniture in his old home.
Jiang Can laughed on the bed and said, “We each said we’d start over once.
” Then he said, “I don’t want us to have the chance to say it again.”
Ren Zheng hugged his head to his chest and said, “I will never give you that chance again.”
Jiang Can smiled. He told Ren Zheng that he was so happy he wanted to cry.
Ren Zheng had many questions for Jiang Can, such as why he left him, why he came back to him, why he hadn't performed on stage again, and why he had changed so much. But when Jiang Can took off his clothes and revealed his snow-white skin, nothing mattered anymore.
He remembered Kang Shou's words: "He's the most important person to you now."
Jiang Can knelt on Ren Zheng's stomach and performed oral sex on him. Ren Zheng grabbed his hair, thinking that in a love story, as long as one person doesn't give up, the love story won't end.
In Ren Zheng's heart, he didn't blame Jiang Can for what he did to Kang Shou, because he knew Jiang Can's motive was for him.
He loved the Jiang Can who was willing to do anything for him now, more than before. "
If someone says they did all sorts of excessive things for me, I will forgive them, because I so desperately want to have this kind of love." Ren Zheng thought this as he became immersed in his union with Jiang Can.
Jiang Can's mouth was warm and moist, and every time his tongue sucked on Ren Zheng's genitals, Ren Zheng felt a burning sensation deep within his skin.
In the instant of the climax in his mouth, Ren Zheng remembered something Jiang Can had once said.
In England, he said that when a person's existence is solely tied to another person with whom they are emotionally attached, that person is both pathetic and hateful.
Pathetic because they will live in perpetual suffering, hateful because they can blame all their pain on another person.
Were Ren Zheng and Jiang Can both such people?
Ren Zheng didn't think any further, because he kissed Jiang Can's lips and tongue, wanting to love her properly again.
Ren Zheng hadn't anticipated the bolt from the blue that would strike a few weeks later, so at that moment he was genuinely happy.

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