Half a lifetime of regrets

page views:1 Publication date:2023-03-24

Behind the ancestral home, there was a high irrigation canal that once flowed, but now it's dry and overgrown with weeds.

In the sweltering summer of 2005, I brought the second woman in my life back to the ancestral home. After visiting my elderly parents, I took her for a walk along the canal behind the house. She was afraid of snakes in the grass and whine, wanting to go back. I told her I needed to find some herbs and told her to go home first. After she left, I walked along the canal, parting the thick green weeds. I couldn't see any snakes, but I could see traces of the canal's former flow.

Like everything else, the canal had its glorious history; twenty years ago, the fertile fields of my hometown were irrigated by it, the lifeline for the farmers. That sweltering summer, the canal dried up. Two friends and I went to play along the canal. From afar, we saw two naked bodies entangled in the canal. Our leader, Pigskin (his nickname), quickly dropped to the ground, and my other friend, Bird (his nickname), and I followed suit. He turned around and said, "There's a good show to watch; let's sneak over."

Pigskin and Armored Bird were both sixteen-year-old boys. Pigskin was short and stocky, while Armored Bird was taller but not as muscular. Therefore, Armored Bird respected Pigskin's fists and handed over all leadership to him. As for me, thirteen years old, I was the weakest of the three, naturally their youngest brother. Years later, when I read the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, I realized that the weakest was the eldest brother, while the most ruthless was the youngest. I couldn't help but sigh.

Following our leader's orders, we crawled along the edge of the high canal embankment. Hidden by the weeds and pine trees, we made our way closer. The three of us lay prone in the grass, peeking out furtively. Even from over thirty meters away, we could clearly see the two naked figures entangled in the weeds. It was Huang Fulan, the village's famous beauty, and Li Yuanchi, the talented scholar. We stared at each other blankly for a while, then Pigskin, lying in the middle, stuffed his foul mouth into my ear and asked, "Mountain Monkey, is that the wild girl next door? She really did something like this!" Fulan was known as the "wild girl" by the villagers; she was naturally restless. She was extremely rebellious, passionate, and quick to anger. If anyone angered her, she could unleash the most vulgar insults. This personality earned her the dislike of some, who nicknamed her "Wild Girl." However, because of her healthy, beautiful, and youthful appearance, many men in the village, young and old, dreamed of her… "Pigskin, Wild Girl's breasts are huge, comparable to your sister-in-law's!" A bird peered intently through the gaps in the grass, its buttocks subtly bulging. Pigskin turned to look and also bulged his buttocks. I found it strange and patted Pigskin's buttocks. He turned and muttered: "Mountain Monkey, don't pat me! If you break my dick, I'll tear your bones apart!"

"Jia Niao, my sister-in-law is bigger than Ye Niu. When she breastfeeds, she pulls out such a bunch of flesh and stuffs it into the baby's little mouth." Jia Niao licked his dry lips, his eyes not blinking, and said: "Pigskin, although your sister-in-law's breasts are big, they are not as pretty as Ye Niu's. Look at how firm they are, round and full, white and tender. When Nian Shu (Li Yuanchi's nickname) grabs them, her flesh is rosy and makes my mouth water."

"That kid is usually so proper, yet he does such despicable things in a place like this. Everyone in the village says he's a great scholar, but I spit on him! He's a bastard, always looking for a hole to crawl into, I spit on him! And that slut, she acts all tough in front of us, but she'll rip open her hole in front of a weakling like me, I spit on her, she's even more despicable than the prostitute we slept with last month, I spit on her!" The two of them were poor and had long since dropped out of school. They usually farmed at home, and sometimes went to the county town with the adults to do manual labor. With the hard-earned money, they secretly slept with other women, and then they would drag the guy out and brag to me, waving their fists and warning me not to tell anyone; I was afraid of their fists, so I kept my mouth shut.

"Keep your voice down, they'll hear you..."

"Pah!"

Although Pigskin was furious, he didn't dare to raise his voice too much, because Li Yuanchi's father was the village secretary, and this small official could crush people. No matter how big Pigskin's fists were or how muddled his brain was, he wouldn't be stupid enough to confront Secretary Li's official power. So he continued to hunch over and peek.

When he saw Li Yuanchi spread the wild girl's legs and lick her pubic hair, the two guys reached into his pants and started fiddling with her. After a while, Pigskin simply rolled over, pulled down his pants, and pulled out his short, thick, black penis. He kept stroking it while muttering curses under his breath: "Pah! You son of a bitch, you fuck such a good cunt. I've spent all my money and I can only fuck a stinking cunt. Pah..." "Pigskin, stop making a fuss. Look at how you're doing it with the wild girl. It seems like it's your first time. Look how hard you're trying. Your thing is longer and thicker than mine, but you just can't get it into the wild girl's cunt." Wild Girl was getting impatient. "Look! What are you looking at? Solve your own problems first. Your mother's looking at me is even more annoying! I'll shoot my cum and then I'll watch with you..." "Wow, Wild Girl pushed the sticky mouse away! Pigskin, look! Wild Girl has so little hair, much less than the pubic hair of the hen we play with." Pigskin rolled over, staring wide-eyed, and saw Li Yuanchi pounce on Fulan, lifting her legs and sticking his butt out, trying to insert his penis into her dark hair... "Hurry up, if someone sees us, we won't have to face anyone. Didn't you say your dad agreed to let you marry me?

Why didn't you take me to your house? Once we're at your house, I'll be with you..."

"I'm in a hurry! I have to go back to the provincial capital to study tomorrow. I won't be back for a long time. After I finish my studies, I'll marry you..." "Ah...it hurts..." "It's in, it's in!" Li Yuanchi shouted excitedly. Pigskin and Jia Niao also whispered "It's in," as if their penises had also been inserted, and they were excited along with him. However, Li Yuanchi pulled a few times and collapsed onto the wild girl's plump body, panting heavily.

The two were greatly disappointed, like deflated balloons lying limp in the grass. Pigskin couldn't control his emotions and cursed: "Pah! You sticky rat has premature ejaculation, even more limp than Jia Niao, pah..." "Who is it? Come out!" Pigskin's "Pah" was heard by the adulterous couple. Li Lichi ran over naked, and we couldn't hide in time.

Pigskin and Armored Bird exchanged a glance, pulled up their trousers, and emerged from the bushes to quickly meet Li Yuanchi. Pigskin punched Li Yuanchi, knocking him to the ground. Armored Bird seized the opportunity to rush to Wild Girl's side, snatched their clothes from her hands, and waved them around, shouting, "Sticky Rat, go tell your father! We're terrified of your father!" Li Yuanchi, who was wrestling with Pigskin, stood frozen in place, looking at Armored Bird in a panic. He had been punched twice by Pigskin, but he was still unaware of it.

"Jia Niao, that kid's cunning! He's the one who falsely accused us, and now we're in deep trouble! Go and call the whole village here, and we'll teach him a lesson he won't even be able to hold office. Let's see how arrogant he can be then!" "No...no...it was that wild girl who seduced me..." "Pah! Wild girl who seduced you? Even though I'm three years younger than you, I'm stronger and more robust. Why didn't she seduce me then?" "Really, she seduced me! She's incredibly slutty, she seduces every man she sees. You can try her if you don't believe me, she's really slutty!" "I'll try first..." Jia Niao, who was closest to Wild Girl, threw off his clothes and pounced on the angry and ashamed Wild Girl, pressing her down and kissing her wildly. I saw him pull down his pants, pull out his clean white penis, and insert it between Wild Girl's legs. Then I heard Wild Girl cry and curse in a low voice: "You sons of bitches, you bunch of sons of bitches, I'll haunt you even as a ghost!" I was already crying with fear, my crotch was full of urine, and I don't know where I got the courage. I rushed over and shoved Jia Niao aside, crying, "You can't do this! She's crying! She's always been so good to me..." "Go pee over there!" Jia Niao grabbed my hair, threw me aside, pounced on Fran, slapped her twice, lifted her legs, and thrust his long penis into her bleeding vagina. She cried out in pain. I crawled over to push him away, but he slapped me across the face. I fell to the side and saw him thrust violently for a while, then pull out his blood-stained penis, a few drops of semen sliding from his glans... "Great! Such a tight cunt!" "Ugh! I want to have a go too!"

Pigskin rushed over, pulled down his pants, lifted Fran's legs, and thrust his thick, short penis into her bright red vagina, stretching her tender labia. She let out heart-wrenching cries, but her eyes were fixed on Li Yuanchi. She saw Li Yuanchi approach naked, grab his clothes, put them on hastily, and flee without a word.

She closed her eyes, tears streaming down her face.

"Pigskin, let Wild Girl go, she's dying!"

"Pah!" Pigskin thrust wildly, ejaculated, stood up, lifted me up, and slammed his thick fist into my lower abdomen. "Mountain Monkey, if you dare utter a single word about what happened today, I'll smash your head!" "Pigskin, take off Mountain Monkey's pants and let his little dick have a go, then he won't dare say a word." "Pah! Bird, your brain works really well..." Pigskin pulled down my pants and saw my penis was limp. He and Bird were stunned for a moment. He grabbed my penis and stroked and slapped it, but for some reason, my penis wouldn't get erect. He punched me in the lower abdomen again, cursing, "This kid is impotent, a spineless coward, all he does is piss in his crotch, pah, what a loser!

Bird, let's get out of here..."

The two grabbed their clothes and ran, leaving me and Fran behind. I stole glances at her; she was looking at me too. Her eyes, once full of youthful wildness, were now dull and lifeless, filled only with tears and confusion.

After a long silence, she trembled a few times and weakly said, "Shanhao, come here, let your sister hug you..." I hesitated for a moment, then carefully crawled to her side. She hugged me tightly, holding me close. Although I was thirteen, my body hadn't started developing yet, and I was half a head shorter than her; but she wasn't tall either, only 158 centimeters.

She pressed my face against her breasts. She was a healthy country girl; her hardworking nature made her body strong, and her rounded breasts made it hard for me to breathe. I pushed hard against her chest, and she finally let go of me, hugging me and kissing me indiscriminately.

I felt really uncomfortable and struggled to pull away from her embrace. Seeing her tear-streaked face, I couldn't bear to look. Looking down, I saw her spread legs and noticed a small tuft of dark hair on her mons pubis. Her labia majora were covered with sparse, light pubic hair, almost as if they weren't there. Her white labia were slightly red, and inside her slightly parted vulva was pink flesh, from which some kind of semen was slowly leaking out... "Shanhao, want to fuck me? I'll keep you company!" she asked me shamelessly.

I shook my head violently and said, "You're bleeding."

"Wah!" She reached out and hugged me again, sobbing loudly, "Sister met beasts and monsters, Shanhao doesn't understand, sister's life is ruined. If only I had known Shanhao loved sister, sister would have waited for Shanhao to grow up... sister will find Shanhao in the next life!" I didn't quite understand what she was saying, but she pushed me away, ran naked up the canal embankment, and crashed into the pine trees on the embankment. I shouted in fear, "Wild girl, I'll fuck you!" Her legs went weak, and she sat down next to the pine tree. She turned to look at me and saw me walking towards her with my limp penis in my hand. She cried and laughed at the same time. I knelt down in front of her, tried to lift her legs, and tried to insert my limp penis into her little red hole, but it wouldn't go in no matter what I did. She cried and laughed blankly, letting me do as I pleased. After a long time, she asked, "Shanhao, why do you want to fuck sister?" "--If I don't fuck you, you'll crash into the tree; if I fuck you, you won't crash." "Shanhao, do you know that sister will never be able to marry a good man in the future?" "Sister has to get married?" "Yes, all women have to get married..."

"Am I a good person?"

"Yes, Shanhao is a good person. You should continue to be a good person when you grow up, okay?" "Wild girl, marry me. I'm a good person too. You can marry a good person." "Yes, I'll marry you right now. Shanhao is a good man, not a spineless man..." She pushed me to the ground, lay on my crotch, pinched my limp penis with her fingers, and opened her mouth to swallow it. Her mouth was soft, smooth, warm, and moist. I just felt comfortable, but gradually I felt my lower body getting hot. My penis felt like it was about to urinate. I got anxious, leaned back, pushed her face, and said, "Wild girl, I need to pee." "Shanhao is indeed not a spineless man." She sat up and said.

I sat up and looked down. I saw my penis was hard and erect, a tender, white piece, not as thick as pigskin, but long enough. Half of the red and tender glans was sticking out. I stared blankly, muttering to myself, "I used to get hard too, why wasn't it hard just now?" "Because Shanhao was worried about you just now, so he didn't get hard. Now that Shanhao is hard, while you're still bleeding, Shanhao should go in too. You can never bleed for Shanhao again." She said, leaning against the pine tree, spreading her legs, waiting for my penetration.

I hesitated for a long time, and she said again, "Shanhao, do you think your sister is dirty?" "--Wild girl isn't dirty, wild girl is white." "If you put it in, sister will be white..." "Wild girl will cry..."

"Sister won't cry, Shanhao put it in, sister won't cry!"

She reached out, pinched my penis, and pulled it to her bright red little slit. The moment I touched her flesh, my tender glans felt itchy, and I shuddered. She squeezed my glans into her slit. It was warm, wet, tight, and comfortable. I naturally inserted it. The tight feeling was mixed with the burning pain of friction. I cried out and pulled out my tender penis. I saw that the foreskin that originally covered half of the glans was pulled up, and the tender red glans was completely exposed.

The pain came from under the glans. I gently turned my penis over and saw that the frenulum was torn and bleeding. I panicked and cried out, "Wild girl, I'm bleeding, it hurts so much..." "Let your sister see!" She gently pinched the base of my penis and turned the glans back. When she saw the bleeding, she was stunned for a moment, and then she blew on me.

"It's all my fault, Shanhao! Once Shanhao's injuries heal, I'll let him have his way with me again. Whenever he wants, I'll let him! I'll be so happy. Shanhao bled for me. I'm his first woman. Look at his tender little thing now; when he grows up, he'll become a thick, strong iron rooster. I don't know if my little hole will be able to hold him." "Then I don't want to grow up—" "Silly girl, a man must grow up, the bigger the better…"

"Does Wild Girl like big ones? Pigskin's is very big…"

"I only like you, Shanhao. Shanhao will be bigger than Pigskin and longer than a gecko…" "I don't want it to be that long and big; it will hurt Wild Girl." "I'm not afraid. I can hold everything Shanhao has…" "Wild Girl, what a mess you've made!"

*** *** *** ***

We never expected anyone to come looking for us, let alone that it would be Ye Niu's parents and my parents. Later we learned that after Pigskin and Jia Niao went back, they went to our parents and said that Ye Niu had seduced me into having an affair in Gaoqu. Because I was young and physically weak, both families blamed Ye Niu, but neither dared to speak out. Pigskin, Jia Niao, and Nian Shu dared not speak out either, and the matter passed quietly.

Ye Niu's parents felt guilty towards my parents, and my parents refused to forgive Ye Niu. The relationship between the two families became strained until four months later, when Ye Niu became pregnant. Her parents, under pressure, forced her to marry Li Gui, a forty-year-old bachelor in the village.

My parents sent me to my uncle's house in the county town to study, and I was not allowed to return home for three years. My uncle never told me about my family, so he knew nothing about Ye Niu's fate. After graduating from junior high school, I was admitted to the county's key high school with excellent grades. It wasn't until the summer after my first year of high school that my parents finally took me home. I was seventeen then, only 173 centimeters tall. Although not very tall, I was taller and stronger than Pigskin and Armor Bird back then.

When Wild Girl saw me again four years later, she just stood there grinning foolishly for a long time, laughing until tears streamed down her face. The beautiful little girl beside her tugged at her sleeve and said, "Mom, you're crying again." "You've changed!" I didn't dare say anything more to her and hurriedly ran away. She cried loudly behind me, and her daughter cried too.

I didn't dare ask my parents about her, but I wondered why she was living at her parents' house. So, through some casual conversation, I learned that nine months after her daughter was born, Li Gui somehow got into a fight with Pigskin. Pigskin picked up a stone and smashed his head with it. In the end, Pigskin didn't smash my head with the stone; instead, a small bullet blew open his skull.

Li Gui died, a bachelor with no relatives or friends. Ye Niu returned to her parents' home with her nine-month-old daughter… *** *** *** *** Six days after returning home, Ye Niu's parents came to see me. I didn't know their purpose, but I felt ashamed to face them, or perhaps they felt ashamed to face me as well. Her father kept smoking his water pipe, and her mother remained silent. I had no choice but to ask them what they wanted. Her mother suddenly knelt down before me, crying and saying sorry. Her father exhaled a thick cloud of smoke and said, "You should keep Ye Niu company… She suffers, she cries all the time. Since you came back, she has cried day and night, and she beats her daughter at the drop of a hat. We are sorry, we are guilty!" Just as I was feeling at a loss, my parents appeared at the door. My father said, "You've grown up now… If you like, go ahead."… I rushed into Ye Niu's room and saw her sitting on the edge of the bed, stroking her sleeping daughter. It wasn't the violence her parents had described, but rather the tenderness of a mother.

She saw me, shed tears for a moment, and choked out, "You've come?"

"I've come," I said. I locked the door from the inside.

"I thought you didn't want your sister anymore," she said. She cried, and she laughed.

She took off her clothes. Her two breasts were exposed, revealing the scars all over her body, which broke my heart.

Her breasts were much larger than they had been four years ago, like papayas, rounder than papayas, but without sagging; they stood erect.

I cupped her breasts in my hands, bent down, and took her nipple in my mouth. She held my head and said, "Do you want some milk? Make big sister's belly full, and sister will feed you milk every day." I said, "I want to eat you." I pulled down her pants with both hands. She spread her legs, her calves dangling in front of the bed, her thick, dark pubic hair covering her vulva. I said, "You're too thick." She said, "Land that hasn't been cultivated for a long time naturally grows wild grass."

She then said, "Let me see your hoe handle..."

I straightened up, unzipped my pants, and my penis sprang out. She gripped it tightly with both hands and said, "My Shanhao has indeed lived up to your expectations, sister. He has a fine penis, thick and long, red as if it's about to spurt blood..." She opened her mouth and sucked on my penis. I was stunned for a moment, then grabbed her ample breasts and kneaded them with both hands, but my eyes were fixed on her face. Actually, she hadn't changed much, just had more of a woman's charm than before. Perhaps because of her labor, the skin on her face was reddish-black and slightly rough, but her beautiful face still retained its former beauty. At that moment, I remembered that she was twenty years old this year, and I had previously regarded her as a woman—twenty years old, isn't that just a young girl?

Her skin, long wrapped in coarse cloth, was fair and smooth, though her lower abdomen was slightly swollen, it remained firm and elastic. However, her hands were no longer as delicate as they used to be; when they gripped my penis, they appeared somewhat rough and a little too large… I couldn’t last long, about two minutes, before I hastily ejaculated into her mouth. She swallowed the semen, looked up at me, and smiled, saying she loved the thick, hot semen. I buried my face in her mouth and kissed her lips, tasting my semen in return.

After a passionate kiss, she said, "Shanhao, kiss my pussy. I was clean for sixteen years, then three beasts defiled me. I've been clean for three years now, but I want you to defile it again, to defile it forever..." I knelt before the bed, parted her legs, and pulled back her thick, dark pubic hair. I saw her pussy, familiar yet strange. Her once white labia had darkened. I remembered that her labia weren't this large before, but now they were swollen, and the slit was slightly turned open. Only her labia minora remained pink, and the opening formed by them was larger than before. Her vaginal fluid flowed from her opening, and her wet, red labia minora looked like peach flesh that had been rained on.

"Shanhao, isn't it uglier than before? I had a baby and needed several stitches..." I buried my face in her crotch, biting her flesh. She groaned but didn't continue.

Because she hadn't showered, her pussy had a slightly sweaty smell, but for some reason, I liked the smell. My tongue pounded against her tender flesh, constantly sucking her juices. My penis became hard again. She held my head and said, "Shanhao, fuck me! Shanhao, fuck me!"

I lifted her legs, which were thicker and rounder than before, and noticed that her buttocks were rounder and larger, more fleshy than before. I tried to insert my penis into her vulva, just like before. After a few attempts, I couldn't get in. She giggled, grabbed my penis, and shoved it into her vagina. The entire glans was stuffed into her vagina, just as tight as before, but this time I didn't bleed, and neither did she.

She said my penis felt so good and wanted me to thrust it in harder. I thrust hard, my penis fully inserted into her vagina, making her labia majora fold high. An indescribable pleasure enveloped my penis. For the first time in my life, I truly felt the beauty of penetrating a woman's flesh.

"Shanhao is so good! Shanhao is so strong, Shanhao is satisfying me..." she cried, her tears flowing faster than her vaginal fluid.

"—Didn't you say before that you didn't cry when I fucked you?" She said she didn't cry, that she liked it; later she said that when Shanhao fucked her, she cried, she cried for Shanhao every day because she liked him.

I said, "Wild girl, who beat you up?" She said a deadbeat beat her up. She didn't submit to him, so he grabbed her on the bed and beat her, tied her up and beat her, beat her and then fucked her, fucked her and beat her again. She hoped to get rid of the bastard in her belly, but she didn't get rid of the bastard, and he was beaten to death by someone else. I knew the deadbeat she was talking about was the bachelor Li Gui. I didn't know what to say, I just touched her wounds, wanted to cry, but couldn't.

Her vaginal fluid was thick. I carried her legs, pressed down on her body, and fucked her hard. This time I fucked for a long time, maybe because I had just ejaculated. She was happy when I fucked her. She said she would cry when she was happy, and she would cry when she was unhappy. She said she never cried before.

I had no words, only actions. My only action was to keep fucking; fucking her flesh.

Her flesh was soft and juicy! I said, "Wild Girl, you're loose," and she said, "No, you're not. More water makes it easier for Shanhao to penetrate."

She then said, "Go ahead and rape me. Next time you rape me, I won't let you get wet, I'll tighten up!"

I was moved and said, "Wild Girls are all tight." She cried and said, "Shanhao is also big." I liked her calling me a big dick, and I thrust into

her vigorously. My sweat dripped onto her body, mingling with her sweat. She panted and said she wanted to take a bath with me after we were done. Suddenly, she pushed me away, rolled over onto the bed, and yelled, "Dog fuck, dog fuck, Shanhao, I want dog fuck!" She grabbed my dick and wanted me to be her dog. So I actually became her male dog, but being a male dog wasn't easy. I grabbed her breasts and bit her back, but I went soft after a few strokes, my dick foaming as I lay panting on her back.

She lay limp on the bed, her daughter lying beside her. She reached out and pulled down her daughter's panties. I saw her daughter's little slit, red and tender, so cute. She pointed to her daughter's slit and said, "Shanhao, lick it." I was shocked. I refused.

She cried, repeatedly asking me to kiss her daughter. I looked at the girl's small body, a perverse urge rising within me. I licked it, licking the girl's tender flesh.

"What does it feel like?" she asked. I said, "Salty."

She giggled, "When the bastard grows up, Shanhao will 'open' the bastard." I was startled by her morbidity, but she didn't seem insane.

At that moment, the girl woke up. The girl cried, and she grabbed her daughter's small, white buttocks, slapping them hard. I grabbed her hand. Her father's voice came from outside. The girl cried even harder; her father was about to come in. She pulled the sheet over herself. I opened the door naked, and her father came in and hugged her daughter. He looked at me, gave me a thumbs-up, and left without saying a word.

I turned back and asked her why she always hit her daughter. She laughed, a laugh that sounded like crying. I hugged her. My penis was hard again, penetrating her flesh, somewhat dry, very tight.

"Shanhao, do you know, my parents and your parents initially thought the bastard was yours, and they wouldn't let me hit it. A year ago, my brother came back from out of town. When I hit the bastard, he grabbed my hair and beat me. I told him about being gang-raped by three beasts, and he went to fight a barbarian, breaking its leg. He went to jail too." No wonder I didn't see her brother this time I came back; I remember when that happened, her brother felt ashamed and didn't say anything, going out to find work. That's why he didn't know when the bastard got married.

Speaking of her brother, she cried even more. She said she ruined her brother's happiness. Her brother had worked out of town for several years, made a name for himself, and brought back stacks of money for their parents, but he hadn't even been able to find a wife with all that money. He went to jail because of her, and she hated him!

"He'll be out in a few years," I comforted her, kissing her sweat and tears, and also tasting her juices.

We made love until dark, and she said she had never experienced so many orgasms.

After dinner, she took a shower and came to find me again. My parents saw this but didn't say anything. I carried her to my room, and we rolled around on the bed until dawn, the bed soaked with sweat, but this time there were no tears, only sweat and grime.

All night, she kept repeating one sentence: "Fuck me to death, I am your flesh, fuck me to death..." *** *** *** *** The entire summer vacation, Ye Niu and I spent almost all our time in bed. This was a secret between our two families; no one knew about it except our parents. However, something bad happened. Ye Niu's period didn't come. Four days before school started, I specially went to the county town to buy Ye Niu a pregnancy test. When I got back, I inserted it into her urine, and she was indeed pregnant with my child.

I told my parents about it, and they discussed it with Ye Niu's parents. Ye Niu's father said, "Let's have the baby, let's give Shan Hao a child too, no matter what others say." My parents also agreed. Ye Niu liked me so much; she deserved to have my child.

However, the wild girl seemed unhappy. When I was penetrating her, I asked her if she didn't want to have my child. She said she was a widow. I said I would drop out of school and marry her. She gave a bitter smile, but still laughed loudly, biting my nose and cursing me for being a fool. I said I really would marry her.

"—I am your flesh in life, and your soul in death. If you become successful and get married, come back to see me and tend to my weeds." I pulled out my penis, knelt down on her vulva, and used my teeth to comb her pubic hair, saying that I would only tend to her weeds in this life. She disagreed, saying that a man's rake needs to tend to several fields to be more vigorous, and that she would clear the weeds from her field to force me to tend to other fields. I took scissors and a razor blade and shaved her pubic hair. A

smooth vulva, raised flesh, and exposed labia. I thrust in, and she pushed me away, took the tools, and shaved my pubic hair as well, then giggled and said, "Come in, bald little brother into sister's grass-free hole." I thrust in, and the hairless vulva was as smooth as a little girl's skin.

She said, "Come with me to the market tomorrow, you've never gone to the market with me to buy anything in your life." At dawn, I accompanied her to the market, but she didn't buy me anything. Instead, she bought a packet of unknown medicine, a bottle of wine, a short knife, and a stack of paper money for the dead. I asked her why, and she said that if I ever didn't want her anymore, she would kill me and burn some paper money for me.

Although I wanted to believe she was lying, my heart still felt cold.

When we made love at home, I kept thinking about the knife she bought, a chilling thought piercing my heart… The day after tomorrow, I'm going to school in the county town. I had so much I wanted to tell her, but she wouldn't talk to me, only making love to me relentlessly. In the middle of the night, she ran out wearing shorts and came back with a bottle of peanut oil. I asked her what she was doing, and she said if I didn't mind the mess, she'd give me her last hole too.

I smeared the peanut oil into her anus and laboriously inserted it. In the dryness and stickiness of the oil, I quickly ejaculated.

Yellowish-white stains and streaks of fresh blood congealed on her greasy anus, forgotten to be wiped… *** *** *** *** The next day, I was busy with pre-school preparations and didn't look for Ye Niu all day, nor did I see her. When I looked for her in the evening, I didn't know where she was. I asked her parents, but they didn't know either. Until around 9 p.m., someone rushed to her house, saying that Ye Niu had killed someone, that Ye Niu had killed Jia Niao… Our two families rushed to Jia Niao's house, arriving ten minutes later to find a crowd blocking the door. Jia Niao's mother was wailing like a pig, and his two brothers were howling incessantly. I pushed through the crowd and rushed to the door, only to be stopped by his two brothers. I punched them to the ground and rushed into the house, where I saw Ye Niu sitting naked against the bed railing, the knife she had bought that day stuck in her chest.

When she saw me, she still giggled.

The carcass of the bird was covered in a bloody mess between its legs. Its penis had been chopped into several pieces and was lying beside its body… I shouted, “Are you crazy?” “I am crazy, I’ve been crazy for a long time! I was gang-raped by three beasts, my belly was swollen, I was forced to marry a bachelor, and I was beaten every day… I deliberately had an affair with Pigskin, deliberately let the bachelor see it, and made them fight like dogs, killing them.” “Tonight I took some wine, mixed with rat poison, and told this kidnapper that I wanted to rekindle our past relationship. He climbed onto my body, happily penetrating me, happily drinking my wine. While he was dizzy with happiness, I happily took out the knife hidden in my clothes and happily stabbed him. He died happily, and then I happily cut off his happiness as well. Then they came, and I wanted them to know how happy I was tonight, so I happily plunged it into my own chest. I was just happy!” “—You really are crazy!” I cried out in anguish, walking to the bedside.

She flung the knife away, blood gushing out…

I snatched the knife from her. She cried, asking, “Does it hurt? If it hurts, why aren’t you bleeding?”

Blood…

I plunged the knife into my own thigh, scooped her up in my arms, and limped away.

No one stopped me; even the Armored Bird’s brothers made way for me…

I carried her, weak and frail, into the darkness, her parents and my parents following behind.

"—Shanhao, I don't want to be a wild girl in my next life. I want to be your gentle older sister. Will you recognize my flesh in the next life?" "I recognize the flesh of wild girls..." "Shanhao, my flesh is dirty again tonight. I won't be able to clean it for you anymore, but I've left a clean piece of flesh for you. She doesn't have a surname, only a given name, called Furong... Although that flesh came from a dirty place, she herself is very clean. Please take good care of her for me, because she is also my flesh." "Yes, I will take good care of Furong..." "Shanhao, there is someone I hate so much. I wish I could eat his flesh, but his flesh is the dirtiest in the world. I can't bring myself to eat it. When you grow up, find him and see if he has a daughter. Then, just like he did to me, defile his daughter as well." I didn't speak. She forced me to answer, and I could only nod. In the darkness, I didn't know if she could see clearly.

Her voice grew weaker and weaker, but she seemed to have so much to say to me. I could only listen, unable to say anything.

"Shanhao, I've been buried in this life, and I've buried many people too. I buried your innocence, buried your parents' dignity, buried your child's life! But I buried you in my heart. From the moment you said I cried, I buried you in my heart, buried you so deep that no one can dig you out." "I don't know if you're happy that I buried you, but I know that you'll bury me with your own hands tomorrow, and I'm so happy! Being able to bury Shanhao is the happiest moment for me, so I bought paper money in advance and had Shanhao scatter it along the way, and also let the paper money wipe away my tears along the way, because I was afraid that if I was too happy, I would shed too many tears!

Shanhao, call me sister, you've never called me that before..."

"Sister." I cried.

"Don't cry! Shanhao, let me sing you a song. I'm happy tonight, so I'll sing you a song I've kept in my heart for four years: '

Little bird, hopping,

hopping, onto the bamboo leaf tip;

gentle breeze, swaying,

swaying, scattering sorrow all over the ground.

Swaying, swaying, daughter laughs!

Laughter falls, tears soaking the ground.

Bury my tears

in your heart…'"

*** *** *** ***

[The End]

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Half a lifetime of regrets

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