Love is mutual affection; attachment is one-sided love.

page views:1 Publication date:2023-04-15

When feelings of attachment arise, we may appear humble, but in reality, a subtle selfishness is at play: we hope the other person can provide us with support and reliance, and fill the loneliness in our hearts. However, it's easy for us to overlook whether the other person wants it or is willing, and instead, we keep hoping for more opportunities: "Look at me again, pay more attention to me, maybe you'll fall in love with me?"
We rationally know that the other person has never actually promised us anything, yet we selfishly tie our expectations of security to them. This is actually a form of hidden pressure that will push them further away, even out of our social circle. I know you must be very anxious, but what we should do at this time is not to continue to place our expectations on the other person, or to watch them from afar and shed tears (if only for a short while), but to turn around and take a good look at what is happening inside ourselves.
The greater the power of attachment, the more likely it stems from a long-term spiritual deprivation, leading to an unconscious desire to seek the protection of warm and reliable people: just as a tired and wounded child would try everything possible to seek the protection of their parents—but we often lack such warmth in our childhood, which leads many girls to be more drawn to people who possess such warmth as adults, and even more unable to extricate themselves from such people in a life of bravado and exhaustion.
At this point, I would offer a small suggestion (which is also based on my own experience): Instead of burdening your attachment partner, true love is about acknowledging your own vulnerability and even gently asking yourself: Am I satisfied with my life right now? Have I been putting on too much of a facade of strength, leaving myself so exhausted? Have I been putting too much pressure on myself, leaving my heart scarred?
I think that if you really love him, what you should do is these inner lessons—that is true respect for him, and the first step in turning attachment into love: for him, you are willing to transform into a better version of yourself.
You might ask: Is it impossible to have any attachment in a relationship? There are people who are very dependent on their partners, and in the end, they end up together and become a couple!
Yes, I don't deny that some relationships are built on attachment. But such relationships are predicated on one person wanting to be attached to another, and the other wanting to be attached to. However, such relationships also have significant hidden risks: the person wanting to be attached gradually loses their own strength, feeling that they can't do anything without the other person; the person being attached to, while initially having their self-esteem satisfied, will eventually become overly depleted and lose patience, and friction may even gradually arise.
A typical example is the dependent party complaining: "You used to always pamper and take care of me, but now you won't do anything!" The dependent party retorts: "You can't always rely on me." or "I'm not going to chase you forever!" When a person's self-esteem is eroded by these arguments, they are likely to become that person's hero if they encounter someone more obedient and dependent. This is an emotional crisis built on attachment.
The feeling of attachment is both beautiful and dangerous. It reflects the emptiness in our hearts, urging us to search for it absentmindedly, but we often forget that only we ourselves can heal ourselves.
At the end of our diary exchange, I want to leave you with this message: Attachment wounds, love brings peace. Please don't betray the significance of his presence in your life; he wasn't just there to accompany you, but to awaken you and help you rediscover your most beautiful self.

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Love is mutual affection; attachment is one-sided love.

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