The sexual psychology of virgins

page views:1 Publication date:2023-04-25

When young people start planning their sex lives, the question they most want to ask themselves is: should I "give" to him?
The good news is that they are no longer worried about whether men will change their minds afterward. The growing independence and pragmatic attitude towards love among women have led to a new self-image: If they change their minds, so be it!
Their concern isn't about not being able to have sex while still being a virgin. In this age of frequent sexual contact, who still thinks virginity is a big deal? Even if the other person minds, there are many ways to "remedy" or "cover it up"!
What they are worried about now is their psychological state after sex: if they give themselves to him, will they feel lost, will they become insecure as a result?
This is a question that shouldn't be asked of those morally upright conservatives. So they turned to progressive women who seemed to understand and care for women: Should they "give" to him or not?
A progressive woman with a resolute expression puts forward a vague concept of bodily autonomy:
"Your body belongs to you. If you feel like it, then go for it; if you're not really willing, then of course you don't have to force yourself. However, if you're doing it to keep your boyfriend, that's foolish. If a man leaves you because you refuse him, it shows he only thinks about his own desires and doesn't consider your feelings, so it's better for him to leave sooner rather than later! So, if you don't really want it (you have many concerns, or you feel fear), then absolutely don't compromise. Respect your own feelings, and one day you will find someone you can give your heart to without fear."
Such vague advice may sound reasonable, but in reality, it still boils down to a high-level "waiting for the best price" mentality. Moreover, for inexperienced women, vague talk about bodily autonomy is ultimately just empty words; to put it bluntly, it's merely using vague bodily autonomy to maintain virginity, without offering any concrete training methods for actively cultivating women's ability to explore their bodies and control their feelings.
To achieve bodily autonomy, there must be specific practices to change the current state of women's sexuality in order to break out of this predicament.
Therefore, the pragmatic theory of bodily autonomy:
First, you need to cultivate and train yourself to control your physical desires. For example, when desires or passionate scenes arise in your mind, don't blame yourself or feel guilty. To overcome this trained reaction, you may even need to patiently watch porn, read pornographic books, watch pornographic DVDs, watch late-night shows, or watch adult content. Use your usually opinionated and discerning shopping eye to carefully select what you like to watch, and use your imagination to satisfy your desires.
Next, you need to actively understand and practice your own body. Not only should you frequently give yourself full-body caresses to proactively discover your body's sources of pleasure and the necessary physical and psychological conditions, but you should also visit sex shops and buy things that pique your curiosity. If your sexual life plan includes men, then you should make good use of electric vibrators and other devices to try penetrating and pleasurable sexual experiences many, many times. With experience, you will gain more knowledge and confidence, and thus more autonomy.
So, you still want to ask whether or not to give it to him?
People who keep dwelling on this question are really concerned about: Who should get the "first time"?
I say that a woman's first time and her hundredth time should all belong to herself. A virgin who has been through many trials will not be a fool to be manipulated by a man, and will not lose her autonomy.
You still asked: Will I feel disappointed?
After all these trials and tribulations, perhaps the sense of loss you were worried about will simply disappear—because you have become a different person. You have become a confident, knowledgeable, and independent woman who will no longer feel guilty about sexual behavior.

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