Six Tips for Harmonizing Marital Sexual Life

page views:1 Publication date:2023-04-29

Renowned Canadian sex psychologist Robert Cosby, after conducting research, believes that "if a couple has a fulfilling and happy sex life, it must be because their emotions and bodies are in perfect harmony." He says that, based on years of research, the most intense sexual desire between couples often coincides with the deepest love. A fulfilling sex life requires not only physical harmony but also emotional connection.
1. Sex is not just about intercourse. Shelly and her husband Mike came to my office. Mike, blushing, asked, “We can hardly have sex. My wife complains that I don’t give her enough love, but when I express it, she ignores me or even rejects me. I think she hates sex.” His wife chimed in, “Mike is emotionally monotonous. He rarely expresses love, except during sex. He always kisses my neck and says I’m beautiful, always the same few things, which doesn’t arouse me. Therefore, I feel averse and tense during sex.” This couple’s situation is common. Women often complain that their husbands should give them more affection and love, not just during sex. Men, on the other hand, believe that when they express love, they should initiate the act, and their wives should accept it. Therefore, maintaining a fresh and joyful relationship with your spouse requires frequent communication. Being considerate and understanding of each other is essential for sustaining sexual intimacy; efforts shouldn’t be made only at the beginning of sex. Only then can this spontaneous love resonate between partners, making sex feel harmonious and not unexpected.
Sexy and alluring photos of a beautiful woman in a halter top on the bed.
2. "Women love to be seduced." Men rarely attract women through seduction, yet it's an instinct for women to display their charm in front of men. This makes women feel beautiful and sexy. Of course, seducing someone doesn't mean possessing them; emotional cultivation should take place before sex. For example, giving hints and showing intimacy. Seducing someone also means that men continuously attract their partner and express intimacy during sex. Generally, women's sexual arousal is through thoughts, imagery, and suggestion, while men are more often aroused through sight and touch. During intercourse, women pay attention to their partner's emotions and their place in their partner's heart.
3. Sex is a male desire. Many women don't realize what refusing sex means to men, while men believe sex is the primary way to give love and affection. When men are aroused by the idea of sex, they are often excited and impulsive, demanding immediate acceptance from their partners. Women should understand this characteristic of men, which is why men get angry when rejected, especially when they hear things like "I don't love you, I hate you." In such situations, if the woman doesn't make these demands, she should tell her husband that now is not the time and that they should cherish sex.
4. It's a huge mistake to let suspicion arise between two people. When both partners selflessly dedicate themselves to each other, they experience a sense of emotional security, which should be cherished. Conversely, without security and with mutual suspicion, both will suffer. Therefore, suspicion can create rifts in a marriage and even lead to the cessation of sexual activity. One wife became distant from her husband after discovering pornographic magazines in his drawer, making her feel unworthy of his affection. Another husband loved his wife dearly but discovered she was having an affair. Ultimately, the wife contracted HIV, causing immense pain for both, but it was too late for regrets. Therefore, love must be exclusive.
5. Seeking novelty is not the same as seeking excitement. Judith burst into tears as she stepped into the office, saying she and her husband had a falling out. Her husband believed that sex should be constantly stimulating. "Ted wanted me to change my perfume, constantly change my hairstyle, my clothes, etc... We've had sex in the kitchen, in the laundry room, I just can't stand it." Ted believed that sex should be varied and constantly changing. He now finds that his wife dislikes him and is beginning to realize the problem, but he can't extricate himself from it. He worries that one day he will hate Judith and find someone else. Fortunately, this situation is not common. More often, many couples stop cultivating their feelings for each other once they get married, causing the happiness that was once full of fantasies to disappear.
After dinner, couples should try to make time to sit together and talk, sharing their thoughts and discovering new things about each other, creating favorable conditions for intimacy. However, in reality, few couples spend time together after dinner. Instead, they are often preoccupied with household chores, such as cleaning, settling accounts, continuing work from the day, attending meetings, helping children with their homework, or simply feeling tired and going to bed early. In short, most couples feel they have no free time. The solution is to carve out half an hour to an hour amidst their busy schedules to take a walk, sit down and listen to music, or exchange ideas. During this time, it's best to avoid discussing household chores and worries. Both partners should learn to create opportunities for intimacy, rather than mechanically engaging in sex for the sake of intimacy.

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Six Tips for Harmonizing Marital Sexual Life

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