How to overcome impotence and regain pleasurable love?

page views:1 Publication date:2023-05-09

Sexual desire is necessary to activate the body's mechanisms. If both partners lack understanding and consensus regarding sex, medication alone cannot achieve the desired results. I feel my psychological problems have penetrated to the bone marrow. Can I manage without medication and physical intervention? I'm a little worried! Mr. Huang, 42 years old, is a disabled person living in the suburbs. He can only type and do things normally with one hand; the other hand is unresponsive and contracted. He has weakness in both legs and speaks unclearly, reportedly due to childhood brain hypoxia, but his intelligence is completely unaffected. He currently runs a software company with over 20 employees.
Sometimes I feel guilty, like I can't give my wife normal sex and I'm sorry to her. I hope I can satisfy her in other ways, like with a vibrator, but my wife doesn't seem to like it. She says she prefers to use mine and that using other things doesn't feel good, and she even feels like she's being raped.
During our first meeting, Mr. Huang candidly shared details of their sexual encounters, revealing that his inability to have sex was the greatest pain of his life. My inability to achieve an erection was also a major problem; without continuous stimulation, my penis would soften even faster. I had sought help from a urologist, who suggested using aphrodisiacs to boost my confidence, but ultimately even the medication couldn't suppress my fear of sex.
Mr. Huang is filled with resentment whenever he talks about sex, and he shakes his head whenever he mentions his wife. This is their seventh year of marriage, and they are 15 years apart in age, but so far, they haven't succeeded even once. Initially, my financial situation wasn't good, I had difficulty speaking, and I was physically disabled. I felt that as long as a woman was willing to help me with all the big and small things in life (daily eating, drinking, and toileting) and could have a child for me, I would be grateful enough. Whether my wife could please me or arouse my sexual desire was basically not within my consideration at the time.
So, my goal for marriage was simply to find a well-behaved country girl. After marrying her, and as time went on, I discovered we had so many incompatible views. I graduated from graduate school, while she didn't even finish junior high. We had nothing in common, no topics to discuss, no shared interests. Our life became reduced to mere physical intimacy. But I never imagined the thorny issue would be that even our last remaining, animalistic act of sex would become so difficult. Hearing this, I couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness. If I hadn't had this opportunity and position, I might never have imagined these differences in my life.
Furthermore, Mr. Huang continued, “I also have some physiological issues. Is it because I have very few sexual encounters that my glans penis is highly sensitive to stimulation, and it hurts when my glans penis is stretched during erection? Last year, I also had a circumcision on the advice of my doctor, which has improved the situation somewhat, but I still don’t like being touched by others. I don’t even deliberately pull down my foreskin when I masturbate, and of course, I also refuse my wife’s touch.”
"Have you ever had sex?" I asked. Mr. Huang said: "I have had sex before, and it was a very memorable experience. In junior high school, it was with the aunt next door. That night, I was meeting my girlfriend, and I was really looking forward to it, even fantasizing about what might happen. But because I was worried about not having any experience, I asked the aunt next door if she would help me. She said, 'No problem,' and my first time was really successful. I was so happy, and I kept thinking that I could finally have a proper sexual experience. But that night, when I told my girlfriend before our date, she was very angry, suddenly slapped me, and left. We never talked about it again."
Then, Mr. Huang told me very seriously that almost all of his pleasurable experiences in life were achieved through masturbation. Masturbation is always more pleasurable than sex. He had told his wife this, and she was understanding, but no matter how much he tried to persuade her, he just wouldn't let her help him. Also, he had had one or two successful sexual experiences in his life, but neither with his wife; they were with sex workers. He liked the woman-on-top position because of his leg injury, and seeing her sweating profusely made him feel very capable.
When Mrs. Huang first entered the training room with me, she exclaimed in surprise, "We've been married for so long, and I've never seen it completely exposed!" Later, her husband frankly and quietly said, "That's why I'm afraid to let you touch it! You know it's really small when it's not erect; it's so embarrassing!" Mr. Huang wasn't just worried about its size; he was even more worried about its erection!
It turns out that although Mr. Huang has a physical disability, he has high standards of sexual self-esteem, including when it comes to his closest partner. His lack of confidence in sex caused him discomfort, leading him to let his wife see his complete (non-erect) genitals for the first time in seven years. I wondered what kind of concept caused this? Therefore, this week's homework is to focus solely on getting along well with his penis!
I saw Mrs. Huang again two weeks later. Mrs. Huang said: This time the situation was better than before, but there were no concrete results. Although we were practicing in bed, it was because his legs were inconvenient. We specially put a table on the bed so that he could do his work (on the computer) while I helped him practice. But the embarrassing thing was that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get an erection. If there was any progress, it was that he was less afraid of me.
Not being afraid of his wife is already a big start! I told my wife. But how exactly can I arouse Mr. Huang's sexual desire?
Mrs. Huang is caught in a cycle of self-blame and guilt, wondering if it would be better if her husband had a different wife. But I said that's definitely not a good option because he needs you. So how can you make your wife more attractive to Mr. Huang? Perhaps letting your wife be herself would be a plus, but that takes time.
In the following lesson, I began to teach my wife how to use sensory focus to project herself into this beautiful state of sexuality. Although she wasn't a quick learner, she always tried her best. I also hoped that my husband would truly look inward at his own body and that gratitude would always be present in his heart. During the more than one hour of intensive, hands-on instruction, I seemed to see my wife's gentleness move her husband. As Mr. Huang was about to get up from the therapy bed, I saw him spontaneously give his wife a deep, affectionate kiss. My sixth sense told me that good things were probably not far off.
Sure enough, two days later, Mr. Huang sent a text message saying: "My wife and I had sex. Thank you, Teacher Tong." I felt a little excited; my little brother was really out of control. His wife continued: "After class yesterday, I noticed that my husband's penis was erect, but I was busy this morning and didn't pay attention to it. When I came home at noon, I found that he was quite interested, so we did it."
My wife was still excited and said: Although it didn't last very long, about 2 minutes, this time was different from before. Before, when he took the medicine, he would get hard, but he would go soft as soon as I touched him. But this time was different. Even after it was over, he still felt an erection and would invite me to move in coordination with his movements.
"The feeling of actually making love is incredibly satisfying," Mrs. Huang said. "I feel like my husband has become a different person; he's always eager to have sex, and I myself feel like a newlywed, a feeling that only came after seven years of marriage. Isn't that amazing?"

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