Did you spoil your husband?

page views:1 Publication date:2023-05-21

I once chatted with a man about why there are so many mother-in-law/daughter-in-law problems in Taiwan. His answer was: Taiwanese women live too tragically. I was shocked to hear such an answer from a man.
He said that Taiwanese women, once married, voluntarily relinquish their rights and take on many obligations. Furthermore, there are many "mama's boys" in Taiwan, making them unwilling to confront or help each other when problems arise. The inequalities women experienced in traditional marriages are passed down to the next generation, with women often making things difficult for other women. Therefore, don't marry casually, or you'll just be jumping into a pit.
When asked if they regret getting married and having children, many women typically answer that they don't regret having children, but they do regret getting married. They regret marrying the wrong person or having an unhappy marriage because they say that the institution of marriage is actually quite unfriendly to women. Many women have to live with their in-laws or do housework and cooperate with their partner's family. Even for working women, housework and childcare are mostly the woman's responsibility. If they encounter a bad partner, they truly live like a pseudo-single parent.
But think about it carefully, are women really less capable of making choices? Or do women willingly choose to be less capable of making choices? Men can naturally have both career and family, but women often have to compromise or give up their careers and life plans in relation to their families and raising children.
Some single women, after reading many articles complaining about marriage or their in-laws, feel that it's too unrealistic and too scary (but those are real lives). They feel afraid of marriage (because they feel that they are doing well as single people and are afraid of encountering bad in-laws or being unhappy in marriage). On the contrary, I think that whether you choose to live a tragic life or not is a choice you can make.
We should make things clear beforehand and have our own principles and boundaries.
Like the online debate about whether or not to help wash the dishes when visiting a boyfriend's house, it's interesting that you rarely hear guys ask the same question. Why should a girl always be expected to do the dishes when visiting a boyfriend's house? I think it's like visiting a friend's house; helping out is polite and considerate, but you can't assume or let the other person take it for granted that it's your duty. Some people say that if you keep washing dishes, you'll have to wash their whole family's dishes for the rest of your life.
A woman's desire to be a good wife or daughter-in-law is an aspiration, but blindly striving to be good can turn her into a pushover, someone without principles, ultimately leading to her being exploited, abused, and unappreciated. Most importantly, don't pretend. Don't pretend you like something or feign compliance; in the end, others will assume it's your own choice.
Before dating or marriage, don't pretend to be a good girlfriend or wife who isn't your true nature. Instead, honestly tell your partner what you can and cannot do. Before marriage, clarify the division of household chores, financial planning, and how both sets of parents should interact. Be a person with principles and boundaries; only then will you be happy and earn your partner's respect.
If your ideas, family values, and family members are too different, it's best not to get married casually, because the problems in the future will only increase, not decrease. Forcing a marriage will not end well either.
Take care of yourself before getting married.
Many women, after marriage, only think about taking care of their families, managing the household, and pleasing their relatives, putting themselves last and even neglecting themselves. In the end, they won't be happy. Moreover, women who always put themselves last will not be cherished by their partners or appreciated by their families.
Women should love themselves and take care of themselves. This doesn't mean you should be selfish. Rather, it means that if you take care of yourself, you will have the energy to take care of others and won't always be depleted or sacrifice yourself.
Therefore, the most fundamental thing in managing a relationship is learning to manage yourself well. Even after marriage, don't give up on self-growth and become unlovable or unattractive. Be a woman you yourself would like to see; when you are happy, you can bring happiness to your family.
A bad husband is someone you spoiled.
Often, when I hear women complaining about their partners, I think their husbands have become like this: always on their phones or playing games, leaving all the housework and childcare to their wives. The men live like single men, and the women live like single mothers. But actually, many of these situations are caused by the women spoiling their husbands themselves.
Household chores should be divided and shared among partners. Even if they don't do them perfectly, let them do them and encourage them. Don't complain about their incompetence and take on everything yourself, lest they lack a sense of responsibility and accomplishment and refuse to share. Women need to learn to let go and share household responsibilities with their partners, instead of doing everything themselves and then complaining that their partner didn't do anything. Men need to be educated; you should cultivate a good husband, if possible.
If your partner is truly terrible, making you despair in your marriage and leaving you with no happiness or joy, then you need to seriously consider whether to cut your losses or make some changes. After all, life is long, and the life you live depends on your choices.
Most importantly, don't blindly get married for the sake of marriage, or have children to change your partner; the risks you'll bear in the future are too great. Instead, when you're single, get to know yourself better, observe your partner, and communicate and plan ahead before marriage, rather than getting married first and thinking about the consequences later.
Some people live a tragic life after marriage, even a lifetime of tragedy. But others can live happily ever after. This isn't about luck, but about your own choices.
You should strive to be someone with choices, not someone who has no choices or is forced to make them. Be a smarter, wiser woman, and you can create the happy life you desire!

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