To that repressed youth, Jin Yan Building

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After watching "So Young," I've always wanted to write something to commemorate my repressed and ignorant teenage years.
I was born in 1976, a year of cataclysmic upheaval and profound tragedy. Zhou Enlai, Zhu De, and Mao Zedong all passed away; a meteorite shower struck Jilin; two earthquakes of magnitude 7+ struck Yunnan; and the Tangshan earthquake claimed over 200,000 lives. The only saving grace that year was the birth of "me" and the demise of the "Gang of Four." I had assumed that with the passing of a "great leader," a new generation of great leaders would emerge. But now, I'm still a struggling young man (the UN defines "youth" as 45, so I'll just indulge in a bit of wishful thinking), struggling to pay for a house and a car (though I own three houses and two cars, there's nothing to brag about here), supporting my wife, earning money to support and care for four elderly parents (although I have a retirement pension, social security, and medical insurance, but…), and worrying endlessly about my child's education.
Before 1986, I always considered myself a simple rural boy. But that year, everything began to change. That year, through the "agricultural to urban" conversion, I went from being a farmer to a city dweller, stepping into the dazzling world of my small county town for the first time. I started eating "state-issued grain," and used "grain coupons," "cloth coupons," "meat coupons"... a whole host of things I'd never seen before. From my very first day in the county town, I vowed to study hard, "get into university," and live the life of a true city dweller, enjoying this wonderful world. Holding onto this belief, I studied relentlessly and, as I wished, was admitted to the best high school in the county.
From the very first day of high school, I realized my miserable days had only just begun. Endless homework, countless tests, and an endless stream of vocabulary to memorize… my 1.5 eyesight plummeted to 0.8. One day, I noticed the boys in my class hiding in the back corner of the classroom after class, acting all mysterious. "Curiosity killed the cat," and through constant coercion and enticement (I was the class monitor, so I occasionally tattled; I copied homework, copied answers for tests, etc.), I finally found out they were circulating a handwritten copy of "The Heart of a Young Girl." After a tremendous amount of effort, I finally got my hands on the book. So every night, I'd hide under the covers to "study" (to appease my parents); during the day, I'd bury myself in sleep, constantly dreaming of the heroine from the book, drooling over her. Occasionally, I'd open my eyes and find my deskmate transformed into the heroine of the book, her breasts swaying (though they were just small steamed buns), and I even fantasized about what she would look like naked. From then on, this simple country boy began to become a repressed pervert.
I've always lived in a dormitory-style apartment building owned by my workplace, where there are only shared bathrooms. In the sweltering summer heat, every day after evening self-study, I'd rush home at what felt like a 100-meter sprint, knowing my neighbors would be showering again. Whenever someone went into the bathroom to shower, I'd always peep through the door, watching the white bodies inside, the bouncing breasts, the dark forest below. After each peep, I'd quickly run back to my room and masturbate. Since then, I seem to have developed a voyeuristic addiction, and it's still the same now; I always find opportunities to spy on pretty girls.
Back then, we had practically no entertainment. Aside from sports, there was no karaoke, no movies, no internet. Our biggest pleasure was going on weekends with 3-5 classmates to ride bicycles to the countryside, to the hills or ponds for picnics and other outdoor activities. I remember on May 1st of the year I took the college entrance exam (I forget the exact date because I had extra classes in between), a group of classmates organized a picnic, a way to relax before the exam. We rode our bicycles for about an hour to our destination, a small forest. Everyone got busy with their assigned tasks. My job was to gather firewood, and I, with a lazy attitude, walked along the edge of the grove. Suddenly, I heard a "swish, swish" sound. I knew a girl was urinating. I slowly approached and saw a white, bare bottom. Seeing her back, I knew who it was—I knew her too well; we'd been deskmates for almost three years. If she couldn't even recognize me, I'd have to jump off a building. I hid behind the grove, watching her finish gathering and leave. Then, I cautiously emerged from the grove to her side. Then we gathered firewood together. I deliberately walked behind her, looking at her sweat-soaked shirt and her white, bare buttocks from earlier, while fantasizing.
Maybe she was tired, maybe I was tired… We found a small lawn away from everyone and sat down, shoulder to shoulder. We talked about everything under the sun, about life, about our dreams, about everything under the blue sky and the vast ocean. My eyes kept darting to her chest, her still-developing breasts, which still stirred my imagination. Perhaps I was too engrossed, because she gave me a good beating, yelling and hitting me, “Haven’t you seen enough? You look at me every day in class, do you think I don’t know?” “Who told you to be so charming?” I shamelessly replied, pulling her into my arms. She resisted a few times but then stopped. We just sat there quietly, like two fools, looking at each other. My heart was like a cat's claw, torn between “kiss her” and “don’t kiss her,” but in the end, “beastly” thoughts won out over “worse than a beast.”
I gently kissed her, but perhaps due to the girl's shyness, she kept her lips closed. It took a lot of effort to pry open her teeth, and we kissed passionately. My hands slowly climbed up to her breasts, gently kneading them. I don't know how much time passed, but my hands were no longer satisfied with caressing her outside her clothes; they slipped under her blouse. Not knowing how to unhook her bra, I simply pushed it open roughly. Looking at her two pink nipples, I took one into my mouth. Perhaps stimulated intensely, she began to moan. Her moans made my blood rush to my head. My hands slowly slid down, trying to undo her belt. She resisted, repeatedly shouting "No! No!" while desperately moaning. I couldn't take it anymore. With her "help," I finally managed to pull off my last pair of panties. My sparse pubic hair was already glistening with fluid. Without thinking twice, I stripped naked, grabbed my engorged penis, and thrust in. Several times I missed, getting increasingly frustrated and sweating profusely. After several attempts, still not getting it right, in a moment of urgency, I gave in to my first time, ejaculating outside the vagina. We tidied ourselves up and returned to the group. This was an experience I'll never forget (first kiss, first time, alas, a failed attempt).
The intense months of July, August, and September finally ended. We began our final frenzy, running around and having fun every day. We often drank together, talked about life, laughed and cried, but never had the chance to experience those things with her again. The college entrance exam scores came out, and she unexpectedly became our top liberal arts student, admitted to a prestigious university in the provincial capital (City C). My tragic college entrance exam failure (although I scored around 140 in math and physics, my Chinese and music scores were only 90+) left me almost 50 points short of my dream university, Tsinghua. In the end, I was reluctantly admitted to a normal university in the provincial capital to study computer science. (I'll describe my university life later.) When I received my admission notice, I was actually happy but also a little annoyed and helpless, after all, there was still a gap between my ideal and reality. I also began my crazy two months of August and September. This period was the most enjoyable time except for the two months before graduation. I occupied my sister and brother-in-law's house (I had sent them back to my parents' house), living a life of constant revelry, partying every night, and never going home. It was during this period that I met the first real woman in my life.
This woman, whom we'll call Sister M, is about 35 years old. She's a friend of my distant cousin, who married and moved to Hebei. She was visiting relatives this holiday and staying in our county for about a week, so my cousin introduced her to stay with us. The first two days were normal; she went to bed early every day, while I usually didn't get home until late at night. On the third day, because I drank too much the night before, I slept until after 10 am, then woke up needing to pee. As I rushed to the toilet in my underwear, I was still in a daze. When I pushed open the toilet door, I was stunned by what I saw: a woman showering, completely naked, with a dark forest of hair and two breasts that were hard to look away from. It took me a while to realize it was Sister M. "Sister M, sorry, I wasn't looking," I said, but didn't hear a response. I saw her staring at my crotch. I looked down and realized I had already pulled out my penis, and one hand was holding it—it was engorged, I needed to pee, and then this scene unfolded before me. I called out "Sister M" again, and only then did Sister M react. She turned around and said, "Go pee first." I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and ran to relieve myself. After I finished, I felt completely relaxed. When I turned back, I stared at Sister M, unsure whether to stay or leave.
At this point, M suggested, "How about we take a shower?" I had no reason to refuse. M washed me thoroughly, and I kept touching her breasts. She probably reacted too, because she lowered her head and took my penis into her mouth. It felt so good I couldn't take it anymore, and within a few minutes, I ejaculated into her mouth, making her choke and cry. To be honest, I only now realize that her oral sex skills are really terrible. We hugged each other and went to her bed, lying there chatting.
It turned out she married into a family in Hebei at the age of 20. She now owns a leather factory there, producing leather clothing to sell in several Central Asian countries. This business is quite good, but it's not her main source of income; her biggest source is smuggling cars. She's in partnership with a high-ranking official in the PLA, making over 20 million RMB a year. We chatted casually, her hand constantly holding and playing with my penis; perhaps she hadn't had enough pleasure earlier, as she was very wet, and when I wiped my hand, it was all wet. After resting for a while, I mounted her and started kissing her mouth, then her breasts, all the way down to her genitals, admiring her body. After a while, she took my penis and inserted it into her vagina, beginning our first real sexual encounter. From 10 am until 2 or 3 pm, it went on non-stop. She taught me many positions and movements I'd never seen before, until I couldn't even straighten my back. For the next few days, we did it together whenever we had time, day and night. A few days later she returned to Hebei, and we exchanged phone numbers (landlines, no cell phones or pagers). I resumed my previous life until I went to university to register.
My boring college life began. I remember it was after the National Day holiday, one day, the old lady downstairs in my dormitory called me and said she had a phone call for me. When I answered the phone, it was Sister M! I was surprised and happy. She said she had arrived in the provincial capital (City C) and asked me to meet her at a hotel.
I eagerly boarded the bus and rushed to her hotel. A young woman opened the door, and I thought I'd gone to the wrong room. Later I learned she was her secretary, Z. This girl was very pretty; by my current standards, I'd rate her a 75 out of 100. Because the secretary was there, we didn't do anything too intimate. After chatting for a little over an hour, she asked her secretary to order food. Then, it was just the two of us. I excitedly started kissing her, and as I was about to undress her, she told me some devastating news: she was pregnant. I was stunned, completely bewildered. After that, I followed her around like a fool, eating and shopping. That night, her secretary stayed in another room in the suite, and I stayed in her room, discussing what to do. She said she wanted to keep the baby. Good heavens, I'm only 18! I strongly objected and demanded she have an abortion. She was unwilling, and we lay in bed, neither of us speaking to the other. I don't know how much time passed, but she got my penis hard again. I mounted her, but she said no, she was pregnant, and offered to help me ejaculate orally. However, she couldn't ejaculate after a long time. I suggested she try from behind, and she initially refused, but after my persistent nagging, she agreed. However, due to her lack of experience and the absence of any other aids, she couldn't penetrate me, and I was in so much pain. Finally, she suggested calling her secretary. I felt a surge of excitement, but I said it wouldn't be a good idea.
When the secretary came in, she was a little dumbfounded to see me lying side by side on the bed. Then M told her that the three of us would sleep together that night. At first, she disagreed, but M used a combination of persuasion and pressure, finally agreeing after promising her a Toyota. Z and I started kissing, while M kept harassing us. A few minutes later, I got hard and entered Z. Z cried out in pain, and then I saw blood on the bed. I knew I had taken a virgin. After about ten minutes, I ejaculated. That night, the three of us did it countless times, with M always getting hard and Z putting out the fire. I guess we did it four or five times.
The next day, Z and I accompanied Sister M to the hospital to have the abortion, and I finally felt relieved. They then stayed in City C for a week, and we lived this kind of wanton life every day. Later, I quietly asked what would happen if Z got pregnant, and she said she would handle it and wouldn't let her get pregnant.
A week later, they left. We talked on the phone a few times afterward, and she kept urging me to go to Hebei during my vacation. To be honest, I was a little scared; I was too young and inexperienced, so I didn't go. Then one day during my junior year of college, I received a call from Z saying they had run away and their smuggling operation had capsized in a Central Asian country. I haven't heard from them since. It's been almost 20 years now. I wonder if M and Z are doing well?
【over】
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To that repressed youth, Jin Yan Building

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