41 jokes

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-14

1. My wife and I went to the market to buy eggs.
My wife said, "I heard that buying vegetables with wormholes is safer. These days, there are fake eggs too, how can we tell?"
I said, "Choose the ones with chicken droppings on them." 2. I went to buy a drink. The woman in front of me ordered a cup of oolong green tea.
The owner asked her, "Ice?"
The woman said, "Normal!"
The owner then asked, "And the sweetness?"
The woman actually put her finger to her cheek and said, "Sweet as I am."
The owner then turned to the people behind him and shouted, "One cup of oolong green tea, sugar-free!" 3. Passing by a bakery, I went in and said, "Boss! A few wife cakes, no extra cakes."
The owner: "Heh, get lost." 4. During a meeting, I noticed that Xiao Li's expression was a bit off, so I leaned close to his ear and said, "Xiao Ma, you don't look too good. Even though you've only recently joined us, you're still an indispensable member. We'll be fighting side-by-side from now on, so we should share any difficulties together, don't keep everything bottled up."
Xiao Li nodded thoughtfully, then let out a loud fart. 5. I went shopping today and met a little girl selling flowers. She ran up to me and said, "Sister, you're so pretty!"
I patted her head and asked, "What's so pretty about me?"
The little girl replied, "Buy me a bouquet of roses and I'll tell you!"
So I bought one and asked, "Can I tell you now?"
The little girl pursed her lips and said, "Sister, you spent your money beautifully..." 6. My girlfriend lost her phone and has been depressed for three days. To distract her and help her get over the sadness of losing her phone, I broke up with her. 7. I gave my girlfriend a penguin plush toy for Valentine's Day. She pouted and said, "One plush toy isn't enough. I want you to give me a dozen!"
I nodded and picked up my phone to call: "Hello, is this the labor market? I need a worker." 8. Girl: "Do you know what the idiom 'don't pursue a poor enemy' means?"
Boy: "Yes, it means..."
Girl: "No! It means if you're this poor, don't bother pursuing me anymore." 9. My girlfriend is very introverted. How introverted? She wanted to break up with me, but was too embarrassed to say it, so she asked her new boyfriend to tell me! 10. I'm completely powerless against girls who wear sportswear, have sweet looks, and radiate optimism and confidence. Coincidentally, these girls are extremely defensive towards me. 11. A little advice for all you single people: eat more persimmons, because they give you the feeling of a French kiss. Don't ask me how I know! 12. Look at that dog being walked; it's actually being walked too. What kind of dog? A pathetic single dog. 13. It's getting colder, please keep warm. Those with boyfriends, hug your boyfriends; those with girlfriends, hug your girlfriends; and those with neither... ...eat some hot dog food! 14. "Grandpa, at your age, you still want to get a massage? Think twice before you act!"
"I did think twice, and after thinking it over, I think my kidneys are still okay." 15. "I never thought I'd become a bandit in this life."
"You became a bandit?"
"A bandit isn't a bandit, it's just that their wives cheated on them." 16. As a man, it's best not to date an older woman. If it works out, great, but if it doesn't, and she asks you why, how do you answer? "She thinks I'm too young!!!" 17. I was having dinner with a female classmate, and she said, "After I finish my master's degree, I want to study in Europe."
I said, "Why study abroad? Do you think China is too small?"
After I finished speaking, she looked at me for a full minute and suddenly said, "You've changed!" 18. a: "The army turned me from a boy into a man."
b: "Kid, what did the army do to you?!" 19. "Sigh, I still can't forget my ex-girlfriend." "
Brother, I understand, quitting masturbation is a difficult process!"
You idiot... 20. A person posted on Weibo: "Is there anything more miserable than a girlfriend who leaks air?"
A witty reply: "Yes, a boyfriend who leaks electricity..." 21. Girl: "Why do you keep yawning?"
Boy: "I heard that yawning is contagious." Girl
: "Then why do you want to infect me with that?"
Boy: "Because I want to sleep with you."
Girl... 22. He asked her: "If you were hit on the head with an egg and a rock, what would hurt the most?"
She: "Hahaha, of course my head would hurt the most."
He shook his head: "My heart would hurt the most." 23. Girl: "Quit smoking. If you quit smoking, I'll agree to any condition."
Boy: "Really? Then you should quit online shopping."
Girl: "Here, I'll light one for you." 24. Today, a loser prepared a gift and flowers, saying: "It's my first time spending Qixi Festival with my goddess, I'm so nervous..."
Another loser next to him casually said: "Yeah, it's nerve-wracking to celebrate the seventh day after death!" 25. My domineering girlfriend embarrassed me in public, so I complained, "Can't you do something to make me look good?"
Then I slapped her. 26. "Let's break up."
"Hahahaha!"
"You're still laughing?"
"I said we're breaking up, so don't worry about whether I'm laughing or crying." 27. If I still can't find a wife by the end of the year, I've decided to go all out and wait for divorced women outside the Civil Affairs Bureau. 28. On the high-speed train, a handsome guy sat in my seat. Since I was traveling, I figured I might as well squeeze in, so I plopped down in his lap! 29. In middle school, because my handwriting was ugly, I didn't dare write a love letter to confess my feelings. Years later at a class reunion, she was already married. She told me that she didn't care about my ugly handwriting at all, she only cared that I was ugly. 30. Going to a bank isn't illegal, using a kitchen knife isn't illegal, wearing a hood isn't illegal, so why did they arrest me when I went to the bank wearing a hood and carrying a kitchen knife? I don't understand this society. 31. "November, please be kind to me." "Okay, Happy Singles' Day!" 32. "At your age..." sounds uncomfortable. The correct way to say it is "At your current stage of life..." 33. Everyone who knows me praises me for having Wang Baoqiang's temperament, Xiao Shenyang's eyes, Song Xiaobao's skin tone, Zhao Benshan's face, Zeng Zhiwei's height, and Guo Degang's waist. Why can't I find a girlfriend with all these qualities? 34. I just learned a new term for flat-chested: "a sure thing." 35. When eating apples, it's advisable not to spend too much time peeling them, as the salesperson will easily notice. 36. I always thought she liked me until she flatly denied it, then I realized she had a crush on me. 37. In the dorm, I was taking off my slippers when a question suddenly popped into my head, so I asked, "Do you think feet are cleaner or faces are cleaner?"
One roommate said, "I feel feet are cleaner! Feet are always inside, not outside! Faces are always outside."
Another silly roommate said, "Then how about I kiss your face and you kiss my feet, okay?!" 38. My boyfriend passed me a paper package in class. When I opened it, there was a pink bunny. I
replied: "It's so cute! Where did you buy the modeling clay?"
He: "Just finished some bubble gum." 39. One day, two roommates were fooling around in the dorm. They got really angry, and one yelled, "I'm breaking up with you!"
The other asked in confusion, "Breaking up? What's this new way of saying 'breaking up'? Show us!"
And then... and then they started fighting again... 40. After school, we always loved eating fried skewers at the school gate. Every time, we saw the owner picking up the bamboo skewers that had been thrown on the ground, so every time we finished eating, we would break them in half...
After folding them for two days, I didn't dare to fold them anymore. If I didn't fold them, I still had a chance to eat what I had used; if I folded them, they would all belong to other people. ... 41. I went to the cafeteria and met a couple. The boy said to the girl, "Will you be my girlfriend?"
The girl sneered, "Look at your pathetic appearance."

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