Super jokes for mature men and women only! (Supplementary version)

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-18

1. A nanny was cleaning the bedroom when she found a condom on the bed. She asked the woman, "What's this?" The woman replied awkwardly, "Don't you country folk have sex at night?" The nanny thought for a moment and said, "We do have sex, but we're not as vigorous as you city folks. You even peel off the skin!"
2. A man came home from get off work and found his son with a condom on his head. He immediately scolded him, and the son said aggrievedly, "Our class is putting on a show tomorrow. Some students are playing good guys, and some are playing bad guys. I asked the teacher what I'm playing, and the teacher said, 'You're playing a dick!'"
3. A middle-aged man came to a health product store wanting to buy black condoms. Seeing his age, the salesperson enthusiastically recommended colored condoms, guaranteeing they would arouse his libido. The man, embarrassed, explained: "My friend just passed away yesterday, and I need to go comfort his wife today. Colored ones aren't very convenient; black ones are more formal!"
4. A mouse went to urinate in a public toilet and saw a big bear defecating. Terrified, it froze, unsure what to do. The bear looked at the mouse and suddenly asked, "Do you shed fur?" The mouse didn't hear clearly and didn't know how to answer. The bear impatiently said, "Do you shed fur or not?!" This time the mouse understood and quickly nodded and bowed, saying, "My skin is fine, I don't shed fur!" The bear said, "Really? Ah, one hundred percent true! That's good!" The bear casually grabbed the mouse, wiped its bottom a few times, tossed it aside, pulled up its pants, and left!
5. After watching a pornographic film, the village chief went home and scolded his wife: "Look at those foreign women, they shout and yell when they're doing it! You're like a block of wood, you don't even fart!" His wife, embarrassed, quickly said: "I'll definitely change!" The next night, as soon as the village chief climbed on top of his wife, she said: "Should I shout?" The village chief said: "Go ahead and shout!" His wife yelled: "The village chief fucked me! The village chief fucked me!!"
6. A couple went on vacation and heard about an ancient well called the Wishing Well, which was said to be very effective, so they went to visit it. Upon arriving at the well, they put their hands together, closed their eyes slightly, and bowed to make their wishes. Because the wife was wearing high heels, she pushed too hard and fell headfirst into the well. The husband was shocked and was about to call for help when he suddenly laughed and muttered to himself, "This well is fucking effective!"
7. A group of Tibetan actors performed for the troops. After the performance, the officers in the audience went up on stage to celebrate its success. One officer held the hands of a young actress tightly and repeatedly asked her name. The actress excitedly told the officer: "My name is—Malegbi Songshou!"
8. A global police anti-terrorism competition was held, with the United States, Hong Kong, and China grouped together. The competition involved catching an escaped rabbit. On the first day, the Americans sent a team of 100. After repeated analysis and demonstrations, they divided the 100 into four groups and surrounded the woods where the rabbit was hiding. However, they failed to catch the rabbit even after a full day. On the second day, Hong Kong sent a team of 40 police officers, along with two helicopters. The 40 officers, holding microphones, continuously shouted into the woods: "Rabbit, you are surrounded! We are the Royal Hong Kong Police! Please come out and surrender immediately!" A day passed, and the rabbit was still not caught. On the third day, China sent four police officers. Upon arriving at the designated location, the four immediately sat down to play mahjong. Until evening, the lead officer said: "Brothers, it's getting late, it's time for us to get to work!" So the four officers went into the woods and soon pulled out a bear with a bruised and swollen face. The bear, walking along, cried and begged: "Four big brothers, please stop hitting me! I am the rabbit!"
9. A beautiful woman had slightly bowed legs, which she felt affected her appearance, so she decided to go to the hospital to see if there was a solution. Because the hospital was crowded, she was a little embarrassed to speak up. She waited until the examination room was empty before approaching the doctor. The doctor asked, "What's wrong?" She replied, "Doctor, there's a seam between my legs." The doctor was startled and immediately said, "Nonsense, only men don't have seams!"
10. In a remote mountain area, a woman was known for her promiscuity. Shortly after her marriage, her husband went away on business, leaving her to have an affair with her lover at home. Halfway through, they heard footsteps outside. The woman hurriedly told her lover to put on a sheepskin coat and hide in the sheepfold in the backyard. The man entered the house and saw the woman disheveled; his lust was aroused, and he wanted to have sex with her. The woman refused, but the man, unable to contain his desire, went to the backyard and caught a sheep (which, coincidentally, was his lover in disguise). After a night of passion, the man returned to his room, satisfied. In the middle of the night, he got up and went to catch another sheep to satisfy his lust. In the morning, the man got up, recalling the previous night, and found the sheep particularly appealing. He went to the backyard again, caught the sheep, and was about to have sex with it when the sheep suddenly stood up and said, "You son of a bitch, are you crazy? Am I the only sheep in the pen? You idiot!"
11. A glamorous woman, dressed provocatively, was riding a bus when she was targeted by a middle-aged pervert. The pervert pushed his way through the crowd to get next to her, resulting in some physical contact. The woman, enraged by his rubbing against her, finally turned around and yelled: "Fuck your mother! What are you doing, squeezing my dick?!" The pervert, caught off guard, hesitated for a few seconds before blurting out: "I only have one dick!" The entire bus erupted in laughter, and some even fainted! The pervert seized the opportunity to make his escape.
12. A woman was experiencing vaginal itching and, ashamed to go to the hospital, went to a small roadside clinic. There was only one doctor, who also acted as nurse, pharmacist, and cashier... Due to staff shortages, they were busy and conducted round-trip consultations, dispensing medication, and collecting payment all at once. After seeing four or five people and dispensing their medication, the doctor started calling out to patients to pay: "For colds and fevers, your medicine is 50 yuan; for a head injury, your medicine is 60 yuan..." Hearing the doctor calling out to patients like this, the woman quickly slipped out. Sure enough, just as she stepped outside, she heard the doctor shout: "For those with itchy vulvas, your medicine! Hey?! You with itchy vulvas! Don't run away, you haven't paid yet! Damn it, you son of a bitch, you left without even saying goodbye!"

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Super jokes for mature men and women only! (Supplementary version)

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