Funny Insult Guide

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-20

1. One person insults another: "I really want to spit a pile of dog shit in your face!"
2. I remember one of my roommates stealing someone else's steamed bun and saying as he ate, "This stuff is only fit to be stuffed in your ass."
3. I remember when I was little, my elementary school teacher yelled at a student, "I'll kick you out with one slap!" We wanted to laugh but dared not.
4. One classmate patted another's head, and the one being teased resisted, saying: "Why are you masturbating here for no reason?"
5. Once, a few of my high school classmates and I went out for a bike ride. One of my classmates tried to kick the foot of another, slightly overweight classmate, while also wanting to curse, saying: "I'll stick out one hoof and kick him in a flying motion..."
6. One of the girls in our dorm was fiddling with another girl's bangs: "Look how messy this is, it looks like a dog's paws have scratched it."
7. A few of us classmates were together, and we were joking with someone else: "How can you be so cheeky!" The other person immediately replied, "So what if I'm cheeky?!"
8. Once upon a time, two guys were arguing in a chat room. One of them yelled, "I'm your father, you bastard!"
Classic Misunderstanding [Recommended]
1. A nurse saw a patient drinking in his room and went over to whisper, "Be careful with your liver!" The patient smiled and replied, "My little darling."
2. A farmer asked a veterinarian to breed his pig. The veterinarian said, "It seems artificial insemination is needed." The farmer hesitated for a long time, then mustered up his courage and said, "It's possible, but I'm afraid it will bite me."
3. A woman on a bus saw a man about to get off drop a pack of cigarettes on the step. She quickly said to him, "Comrade, you dropped your cigarettes!" The man angrily retorted, "You're the one who's been castrated!"
4. A man was constipated in the toilet when another man rushed in, and in an instant, it was all over him. "Dude, I really envy you, you were so fast!" "Envy what? I haven't even taken my pants off yet!"
5. A company was hiring. The next girl to be interviewed had the English name "Spring". The secretary, wanting to show off her English skills, called out: "Hi! You, Spring, it's your turn!"
6. On a bus, a pregnant woman standing said to the stranger sitting next to her: "Don't you know I'm pregnant?" The man looked very nervous and said: "But the child isn't mine!"
7. Are there military prostitutes in the army?
Soldier: Yes, how can we do without military discipline! Civilian: Really! Do we have to pay?
Jun: What money do we need? Our military discipline is uniformly passed down from above.
8. A man stormed into an office, shouting: "Is this the animal protection association?" The staff member replied: "Yes, may I ask who bullied you?"
9. Farmer: I often feel cold after going to bed at night. Doctor: I've had that too. I would hug my wife, and then I would feel warm.
Farmer: That's a good idea, but when is it convenient for your wife?
10. The warden asked the death row inmate sitting in the electric chair before his execution: Do you have any requests?
Death row inmate: I just hope you can hold my hand during the execution, so I can feel a little better.
11. Female secretary: "Boss, your wife called. She said she wants to kiss you over the phone." Boss: "Please keep this for me and give it to me later."
12. Fatty shaved his head, and his roommate touched it: "It's so chubby, it looks like my girlfriend's butt." Fatty unconsciously touched it too: "You know what, it really does look like it."
13. Watermelon vendor: "Come and eat some watermelon! If it's not sweet, you don't have to pay!" Thirsty passerby: "Wow! Great! Boss, I'll have one that's not sweet."
14. Mrs. Wang was pregnant with quadruplets and boasted to all her neighbors that it was very rare to have quadruplets, happening only once in 60,000 pregnancies. Mrs. Li was astonished: "Then how do you still have time to do housework?"
15. Pastor: Anyone here has a birthday today? Tom happily raises his hand. Pastor: Very good. After the service, please blow out these candles!
16. The child is pondering the question of "heredity versus environment." The mother interjects: "That's a simple question. Everyone knows that if a child resembles the father, it's heredity; if they resemble the neighbor, it's environment."
17. Khrushchev visited a farm, and a reporter took a picture of him with the pigs in the pigpen. The photo appeared in the newspaper the next day with a caption: "Third from the left is Comrade Khrushchev."
18. Two middle-aged Americans met on the street, both limping. One exclaimed excitedly, "Friend, Vietnam, 1969!" The other pointed behind him and said, "Friend, banana peel, 20 feet!"

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