Laugh once, laugh ten times

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-28

1. Last night, a friend invited me to karaoke and asked me to drive. When we arrived at the karaoke bar, I got out of the car, handed the keys to the waiter, and asked him to park the car for me. I also gave him a 100 yuan tip. He looked at me, gave me back the 100 yuan, took out another 100 yuan from his wallet, and said, "Brother, you should park the car yourself! It's like a tractor, I really can't drive it well..."
2. Woman: "Do you have a younger brother?" Man: "Yes, and he's quite big!" Woman: "I'm asking if you have a younger brother!" Man: "This... is too difficult, I can't do it."
3. Today, I was squatting on the street smoking when a BMW backed up and scraped the Maserati next to me. The BMW driver came out, and I said in a questioning tone, "Brother, you're a good driver." He looked down for a few seconds, then immediately pulled out a bunch of money from his bag, probably several thousand yuan, and drove off. Haha, I stood up, dusted myself off, hopped on my beat-up bike, and rode off with a flourish…
4. Buddy: “I said one thing last night and my goddess took off her clothes!” Me: “Really? Teach me, teach me!” Buddy: “I sent her a message saying ‘Are you there?’ and she went to take a shower.” Me: “…”
5. In first grade, I lifted a girl’s skirt and got scolded by the teacher in front of the class. Now I don’t do such childish things as lifting girls’ skirts anymore. When I want to look, I walk up to them and say coldly, “You’re being uncivilized again today, not wearing underwear, huh?” The girl immediately sobbed and lifted her skirt herself: “I’m wearing it, I’m wearing it.”
6. Daughter: “Mom, Mom, I have something to tell you.” Mom: “What is it?” Daughter: “The other day I saw Dad and Aunt Liu in bed…” Mom interrupted: “Wait, wait until your dad comes back and tell him in person!” Dad replied, Mom: “Go ahead!” Daughter: "Mom, the other day I saw Dad and Aunt Liu doing what you and Uncle Wang often do in bed..." Mom and Dad: "Holy crap..."
7. When I was little, I saw my cousin masturbating in his room. I asked him: What are you doing? He told me he was practicing martial arts. At the freshman welcome party, the class monitor asked: Who can perform martial arts? I went up...
8. Women are such a pain! Last night, my landlady was taking a shower when she suddenly came over naked, wrapped in a towel, and knocked on the door. She said the latch in the bathroom was a bit rusty and too tight, and she couldn't lock the door. Her husband hadn't been home for a week, so she asked me to come and help her. I went into the bathroom, which was filled with smoke. I locked the door with a little force and said, "This is very simple, you see." Then I quickly opened the door and went back to watch porn.
9. While working overtime, her eyes were suddenly covered by a pair of hands. She said: Manager, stop playing around. The hands didn't let go. She thought the manager's hands weren't that rough; he kissed her neck, and her full breasts rose and fell with her breath. She said coquettishly: Mr. Wang, stop messing around. But his hands didn't let go; he kissed her hair and released her. Through the haze, she saw a figure disappear into the distance, leaving only a familiar thermos on the desk, filled with soup… She chased after him: "Chairman Chen! Please let me explain, Chairman Chen!"

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