[A dazzling array of silly and embarrassing moments]

page views:1 Publication date:2022-04-28

Today I went to the airport to catch my flight. After getting my boarding pass, I waited in the departure lounge. Bored, I put on my headphones and played Dou Dizhu (a popular Chinese card game) on my phone. I had good luck; I drew two bombs in the first round. The player before me played a "plane" (a winning hand in Mahjong). In my excitement, I yelled, "I'll bomb your plane!" Hey, security officers, why are you pulling me?
A guy got drunk and rode his electric scooter home, then crashed head-on into a truck parked on the side of the road. Yes, he rear-ended it. He got up and chased after the truck's driver's seat.
He pulled the driver down from the road: "How the hell do you drive?"
The driver said in a terrified voice, "Brother, I... I've been parked here for over an hour."
An older woman was eating fast food alone when a girl sat down opposite her and said, "Auntie, I'd like to introduce you to a financial product specifically for seniors. We don't sell to young people." I was worried the woman would be scammed when the woman looked up and said, "Why do people live? Why did the Korean ship sink? Why is Vietnam so unstable? Because they have no faith! It's fate that you're sitting across from me. I'll tell you something more important than getting rich..." The salesperson listened like a complete idiot as the woman talked about Christianity... Yesterday, I got a haircut, and because of the heat, it was a bit short. On my way back to the classroom from the cafeteria, I overheard three middle school students discussing me: "Guess if that person is a man or a woman?" I rushed over, pointed to my chest, and yelled, "Open your eyes and see if I'm a man or a woman!" The little boy trembled and said, "Brother, I was wrong!"
A couple was walking down the street when a man jumped out and robbed them. The couple took out all their money and begged him not to hurt them. The man laughed and said, "I'm going to rob you of your virtue too."
The man stood bravely in front of the woman: "Come at me! Don't hurt her!"
The man paused for a second, then said slowly and resentfully: I'm talking about you!
I lost a bet today and had to buy sanitary napkins for my female classmate. Just as I was about to enter the classroom, the teacher saw me.
When asked what it was, I cleverly replied: "It's bread."
The teacher told me: "Eat outside first, then come in."
Teacher: "If you don't do your homework properly, I'll start making things up at the parent-teacher conference tomorrow."
One student said, "Why are you talking nonsense?"
Teacher: "When your parents ask me how you're doing at school, I'll say you're dating. If they ask who you're dating, I'll say I don't know, I keep changing partners!"
My middle school chemistry teacher once came to class drunk, his face flushed, and he lectured with great passion. A classmate whispered that the teacher was drunk, not wanting him to hear. The teacher replied, "Yes, I was drunk, but I didn't say anything wrong, did I? Now look at this dish."
A foodie friend of mine worked as a primary school teacher, but quit after only a month. When I asked him why, he said, "Other teachers get angry and snatch snacks away from their students when they eat them in class. But when I see my students eating snacks, I just want to ask if there are any left, and if I can have some..."
Girlfriend: Did you do something wrong?
Me: I was wrong.
Girlfriend: What did you do wrong?
Me: I was wrong about everything.
Girlfriend: Tell me what you did wrong.
Conversations between men and women during a blind date.
Woman: Do you own a house?
Man: Yes.
Woman: Do you have a car?
Man: Yes.
Woman: Do you have any savings?
Man: Yes.
Woman: That's great!
Man: It's alright!
Woman: Give me your phone number so we can keep in touch.
Man: It's just that I don't have a cell phone.
A: "How many relationships have you been in?"
He countered with, "Does unrequited love count?"
"Having a crush only counts as half a time."
"I've talked to them 3.5 times."
"Not bad, I didn't realize you'd dated three girls before."
"No, I've had a crush on someone seven times."
I had a great blind date today! To celebrate, my buddy and I went to the bathhouse, and a girl came up and asked if we wanted any services! Services my ass! She was on a blind date with me this morning and we don't even know each other anymore!
The first time I met my future mother-in-law and father-in-law, my future mother-in-law praised me for being clean and sunny. My silly girlfriend loudly said, "Yeah, he dressed up nicely before coming, saying he wanted to dazzle you all..."

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[A dazzling array of silly and embarrassing moments]

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