Jokes that are so funny they'll make your head hurt, a mix of humor and witty remarks.

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-06

1. I bought a bottle of Coke while shopping and noticed an old lady following me closely. So I asked her, "What do you want, grandma?" She said, "I want your empty bottle." Oh, okay, so I gave her the empty bottle. After walking a while, I noticed she was still following me. I was puzzled and asked again, "Grandma, didn't I give you the bottle? Is there anything else?" To my surprise, she replied, "Young man, in this hot weather, I don't believe you won't buy another one!"
2. Among the names below, you will definitely find some of your former classmates. 1. Zhang Wei 2. Wang Wei 3. Wang Fang 4. Li Na 5. Liu Wei 6. Zhang Min 7. Li Jing 8. Zhang Li 9. Wang Jing 10. Wang Li 11. Li Qiang 12. Zhang Jing 13. Li Min 14. Wang Min 15. Wang Lei 16. Wang Yong 17. Wang Yan 18. Zhang Lei 19. Huang Dong 20. Liu Dong 21. Liu Yang.
3. There are only two kinds of people I hate the most: one is someone like you; the other is someone who will never change no matter what you become. 4. Gates: I'm going to save up to buy a new Lamborghini. (A few seconds later) Haha, I've saved up enough!
5. A silly scientific question: Why do birds like to sit in rows on power lines? The best explanation is: They need to be online to chat.
6. Google CEO Larry Page was sitting in his office chair, eating chocolate chips, during a video conference with his subordinates. He said, "The company needs phones, let's buy a Motorola." Half an hour later, someone relayed the message from the other end of the video: "The Motorola has been bought." Larry asked, "What model?" His subordinate replied, "Huh? Model?...Model!"
7. [Man caught stealing battery runs 100 meters in 10 seconds] Usain Bolt won the 100-meter final at the Beijing Olympics in 9.69 seconds. Early on August 16th, a netizen on the Zhengzhou Erqi Road forum posted that a man caught stealing batteries on the street ran away. Surveillance footage showed he covered the 100-meter distance in just over 10 seconds, leaving only a white blur on the screen. 8. The Universiade is a joke! There are no competitions for reserving seats in the library, cutting in line in the cafeteria, walking along the route to graduate school, answering questions with a different voice, grabbing beds in short-term rental apartments, standing still outside the girls' dormitory, scaling dormitory walls, sprinting from the classroom to the cafeteria, or carrying cheat sheets through security. What's the point of having these?
9. A little girl walked to school every day. One day, shortly after she left home, a heavy rain began to fall, and lightning pierced the sky like swords. The little girl's mother quickly drove along her daughter's route to school. She found her daughter walking alone on the street, and noticed that every time lightning flashed, the girl stopped, looked up, and smiled. After watching for a long time, the mother finally couldn't help but call out to her child, "What are you doing?" She replied, "God just took my picture, so I'm smiling!"
10. To prove the harmful effects of smoking, the teacher placed nicotine extracted from cigarettes on insects, and the insects died shortly afterward. The teacher then asked, "What does this experiment show?" The students answered in unison, "Smoking doesn't cause insects to grow." 11. [China Takes the Top Spot Globally]: 1. Reads the most expensive books in the world. 2. Sees the most expensive medical treatment in the world. 3. Lives in the most expensive houses in the world. 4. Eats the most toxic food in the world. 5. Works the longest working hours in the world. 6. Pays the most taxes in the world. 7. Enjoys the fewest rights in the world. 8. Supports the most officials in the world. 9. Suffers the heaviest exploitation in the world. 10. Experiences the most bizarre ways to die in the world.
12. A restless wife was having an affair at home when her husband called. After the wife answered the phone, the lover anxiously asked, "Who called?" The wife replied, "My husband." The lover, terrified, immediately tried to leave. The wife quickly cried out, "Don't be afraid, don't go! He said he's playing cards with you in the office and won't be back for a while."
13. A foreigner settled in China and married a Chinese woman. One day, he complained to his guests that the mosquitoes in his house only bit him, showing that even mosquitoes in China bully "foreigners".
His wife chimed in, "Because Chinese mosquitoes prefer Western food."
14. The husband died, and the wife kept fanning his body with a fan.
A neighbor saw this and asked, "It's winter now, why are you doing this?"
Wiping away her tears, the wife replied, "My husband told me on his deathbed: 'If you want to remarry, you must wait until my body is cold.'"
15. Old Li was a heavy drinker, and he always got drunk. His wife angrily said, "If you drink again, we're getting a divorce. Let's see if I keep my word!"
Old Li really didn't drink for two days. On the third night, when his wife came home from get off work, she saw her husband pacing back and forth in the house and asked, "Why aren't you cooking? What are you thinking about?"
Old Li said, "I think we should get a divorce!"
16. At Google and Motorola's wedding—HTC wept bitterly: All those children they had for him were useless; Google loved himself. Samsung silently watched HTC, remembering the man named Apple; it understood this bittersweet feeling. Microsoft dared not look Nokia in the eye: Give me a little more time; I'm not ready yet.
17. My phone was out of credit, so I texted a friend, "Recharge my phone with 10 yuan, I'll pay you back tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to a group! This morning, I saw 28 unread messages. I read them one by one: 15 said "No need to pay me back," 4 said "Remember to pay me back when school starts," and the rest said "Recharged." Then, a girl actually said, "Recharged 20 yuan, and I like you!" Okay, I made 150 yuan in phone credit and got a girl in return. Isn't that a beautiful mistake?
18. After acquiring Motorola, Google's next step will be to acquire Lenovo and Blackberry, forming a powerful brand capable of competing with Apple — **gb!!! Not to be outdone, my country's counterfeit mobile phone industry is forming a powerful alliance: ZTE, Huawei, Datang, Bird, and Meizu are discussing a merger, and the new brand will be named "Zhonghua Dabomei" (中华大波妹).
19. Child: "Mom, what is a honeymoon?" Mom: "It's when your dad and I go on a trip together after we get married. It's a lot of fun." Child: "Did I go?" Mom: "Of course you went!" Child: "How come I didn't know?" Mom: "You're still young. Your dad took you there, and I brought you back."
20. I just lost my phone, so I quickly called a friend's phone and politely asked, "Hello, did you just find a phone?" The person who answered replied, "What do you mean, 'found'? I just stole it!"
Such profound meaning?
21. I hope that one day I can double-click my wallet with the mouse, select a hundred-yuan bill, press "ctrl+c", and then keep pressing "ctrl+v".
22. Grandpa Liu is 102 years old and still very healthy. One evening after dinner, Grandpa Liu was taking a walk and reminiscing about his life when suddenly, his head bumped into a big tree with a "thud." Grandpa Liu was very angry and was about to kick the tree when he saw a sign hanging on it: Ancient and Famous Tree, Chinese Scholar Tree, 101 years old. Grandpa Liu smiled and said, "Considering I'm a year older than you, I won't hold it against you."
23. Camacho: I'm going to coach the Chinese men's national football team. Milutinovic: Congratulations on your success! Camacho: How do you manage a team well? Milutinovic: Get along well with the players. Camacho: How do you avoid being scolded after a loss? Milutinovic: Get along well with the reporters. Camacho: How do you avoid being sacked early? Milutinovic: Get along well with the Football Association. Camacho: How do you qualify for the World Cup? Milutinovic: Well… that requires getting along well with God!
24. The wife said to her husband, "Honey, from now on you're the high-speed rail, and I'm the Ministry of Railways." "Why?" "First, if you dare derail, I'll bury you. Second, you're not allowed to go too fast anymore."
25. A boyfriend and girlfriend went shopping together. The girlfriend said, "Ouch, my feet are so sore." The boyfriend, sounding worried, asked, "What happened? Did you step in a lemon?"
26. What's the biggest difference between men and women? The phrase "I used up a whole box of tissues while watching a movie" has different meanings. (A witty joke, got it?) Editor's Note: What's the biggest difference between men and women? "I used up a whole box of tissues while watching a movie." It's said the meanings are different, did you understand? What a rip-off!! Someone as naive as me wouldn't understand at all, can someone explain it to me?

URL 1:https://www.sexlove5.com/htmlBlog/216976.html

URL 2:/Blog.aspx?id=216976&aspx=1

Last access time:

Previous Page : I accidentally became a lesbian

Next Page : God sent me to deliver batteries to you.

增加

comment Open a new window to view comments

Contact Information

Jokes that are so funny they'll make your head hurt, a mix of humor and witty remarks.

comment Open a new window to view comments