Grandpa has a stomachache, a stomachache!

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-08

1. My favorite movie when I was a kid was "Once a Thief", especially the scene where Chow Yun-fat disinfects his wound with gunpowder from a bullet, which I thought was super cool!
Once, I got into a fight with a group of kids from a neighboring village. I scraped the back of my left hand, just a small cut of skin, and it didn't even bleed. But I was secretly pleased: it was time to show off!
I tried my best to look weak, while firmly saying, "I can't go to the doctor, or the police will come!" Then I "laboriously" pulled out the prop I always carried with me—a firecracker!
I broke it and poured the gunpowder onto the wound. The gunpowder irritated the wound, and my legs twitched so badly that I almost peed, but I endured it, determined to keep up the act!
He forced himself to strike a match, and with a hiss, a pig-like scream echoed throughout the village…
Comment: It's all the fault of the movie. Have some female students ever draped bed sheets over their shoulders?
2. While playing the card game "Three Kingdoms Kill" in person, a classmate was reciting lines. Just then, Cao Cao was killed, and he said, "The great undertaking is not yet complete, not yet complete!" But in his distinctive accent, it came out as, "Grandpa's stomach hurts, his stomach hurts!"...
Comment: There are so many lines in the Three Kingdoms Kill game, such as: "I'm still too good at playing the game, watching mistresses being sold off, etc." The voice acting is hilarious.
3. One year, my dad went out drinking with friends. Three hours later, my mom received a call saying that my dad had broken his leg and was in the hospital. When my mom got to the hospital, she heard that my dad had suddenly rushed out of the hotel, gotten on a friend's motorcycle, and crashed before he had gone five meters... So my mom went to the ward to take care of my dad. As soon as she got to the ward door, she heard a shout: "Why are you tying me up! Help! How can a young girl like you do this? What are you trying to do! I already have a family..."
When I went inside, I saw my dad with his upper body immobilized on the hospital bed because of a fractured scapula. His shirt had been removed, and a young nurse with a dark expression was standing next to him...
Comment: Uh... Dad, how much did you drink? You were still drunk even after breaking your bone, and you even thought you were having a romantic encounter in the hospital.
4. Back in junior high, I forget which class it was, the teacher asked, "Raise your hand if you've ever flown in an airplane." I thought, "Who hasn't flown in an airplane? And everyone knows how to fold a paper airplane, right?" So I raised my hand. Then I realized something was wrong—only two other students had raised their hands! I quickly put my hand down, oops… That must have been around 1994.
Comment: Dude, you could actually fold a paper airplane and sit on it too!
5. Let me tell you a story from my time in high school. Our homeroom teacher was a female English teacher, and she was really mean. Because the water room was far from the classroom, I usually used the water heater in the classroom (commonly known as a "fast water heater"), but the school strictly prohibited its use. ~~~Background~~~ One day, I had just woken up from a nap in the classroom, not fully awake, and I didn't know what time it was, but I was incredibly thirsty, so I picked up the kettle to boil water. Unexpectedly, as soon as I plugged it in, my homeroom teacher stood behind me with a stern expression. I knew I was going to get scolded, but what she said made me cry for the rest of my life. She said, "Who told you to boil water? If I see you using it again next time, I'll stick it up your ass."
After she finished speaking, the whole class burst into laughter, and I was too ashamed to live. A while later, she prepared to leave, but after reaching the door, she made a dramatic turn and said, "Turn the power back on." At that moment, I knew it was no use even if I crawled into a hole in the ground!
Comment: It's even powered on! Teacher, I'm impressed!
6. On my way home for the holidays, I was waiting for my train at the train station when a young woman approached me. She was holding a card in one hand and a bunch of red ribbons in the other. She showed me the card first, then casually tied the ribbons around my hand. I glanced at the card; it said, "I am deaf and mute, and I'm doing an activity here," and then, "Ten yuan for a red ribbon." That was about it. My first thought was that I'd encountered a scammer, and my brain immediately went blank. "Miss, I can't read. What does it say? Can you read it to me?" The woman opened her mouth, then immediately realized something was wrong and quickly looked away with a resentful glare.

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Grandpa has a stomachache, a stomachache!

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