The most awesome husband in history - his resignation letter

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My dearest wife:

I quit! I really quit!

(See more hilarious moments)
After finishing the last bag of "Master Kong" instant noodles I'd been hiding under the bed, I finally gritted my teeth and made the decision to resign.

In this era where even beating a dog requires consideration of its owner, I have no place to stand anymore. Your Huanhuan is sleeping well. I made its bed and put the last two ounces of meat from the fridge in its dish so it can eat as

soon as it wakes up. Darling, don't worry, it's gained weight again. My dearest wife, I know you're gentle. Even when you punch and kick me, you still show your virtuousness. Your diligence often makes me ashamed. You say you'll eat breakfast at noon, lunchtime you say you'll eat it in the afternoon, afternoon food you say you'll save for dinner, and in the evening, you personally peeled an apple for me, saying you're trying to lose weight.

My shirt is missing again. I found it in Huanhuan's bed, and my hand now has a row of deep teeth marks. I know you'll cry out in worry, but don't worry, its teeth are fine.

Love is like expired, cheap rat poison; it tastes faintly sweet at first, so you eagerly swallow it, only to be met with the unbearable agony of being unable to live or die—a pain only you can truly understand.

You asked me to put my fingerprint on the marriage certificate, and I happily complied, like Yang Bailao (a character from a Chinese folktale known for his cunning and ruthlessness), carefully pressing down the most perfect, most artistic fingerprint of my life. I tried to make it perfectly round, like a large period, signifying the end of my life, without my even realizing it.

The moment I picked up the marriage certificate, I suddenly felt its weight, but at that time, my eyes were blinded by some kind of light, unaware that this was my life imprisonment notice. I remember laughing happily then, and you were no exception; your laughter revealed an indescribable joy. A few months later, I learned a word—exile. I could

clearly hear your hearty laughter from next door as you played mahjong; you won again, and a pang of sorrow shot through my heart. Finally, I decided to quit my job. I wanted to escape this deserted island. The refrigerator was stocked with the groceries I had bought; losing weight didn't matter, I shouldn't torture myself too much.

Okay, that's all for now. It's getting late, and if I don't go out soon, Grandpa Wang will lock the gate. Don't worry about me, even if I'm penniless, even if I'm determined to sleep on the streets, even if I've chosen to be homeless.

Love, your husband.

Also, there are two apples missing from the fridge. My dear wife, please don't mind, because I really don't know where you put the money...

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The most awesome husband in history - his resignation letter

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