Jokes until we have money (full collection)

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[Joke] When we have money (Full Collection)
When we have money, we'll drink soy milk and eat fried dough sticks. Damn, we'll dip them in white sugar if we want, or brown sugar if we want. We'll buy two bowls of soy milk, drink one, and pour the other away!
When we have money, we'll eat steamed buns and drink plain porridge. Damn, we can dip them in vinegar or soy sauce if we want. We'll buy two steamed buns, eat one, and throw the other away!
When we have money, we'll buy a computer first. Damn it, if we want to install XP, we'll install XP; if we want to install NT, we'll install NT. We'll install two versions of XP at once, use one, and keep the other!
When we're rich, we'll drink fine wine and smoke cigarettes. If we want red wine, we'll drink red wine; if we want white wine, we'll drink white wine. We'll light two cigarettes—one to smoke, one to burn!
When we're rich, we'll drink bottled water and eat stinky tofu. Damn, we'll add sesame paste if we want, and sesame oil if we want. We'll buy two bottles of mineral water—one to drink and one to wash our hands!
When we have money, we'll drink beer and eat barbecue. Damn, we can grill meat whenever we want, and drink expensive beer whenever we want. We'll buy two bottles of beer, drink one, and then drink the other!
When we're rich, we'll go to Zhongguancun and buy CDs. Damn it, if we want genuine copies, we'll buy genuine copies; if we want pirated copies, we'll buy pirated copies. We'll buy two of each, one to fast-forward, one to rewind! When we're in power, we'll be chairman and secretary. Damn it, if we want to take over Taiwan, we'll take over Taiwan; if we want to fight Japan, we'll fight Japan. We'll establish nine political parties, use one, and support the other eight!
Once we have a car, we can break the rules whenever we want, run over the police whenever we want. We can run red lights twice, once on a red light and once on a green light!
Once we have money, damn it, we can go to Europe whenever we want, or to America whenever we want. We'll charter two planes at once, one for our own use and one for escort!
When we're rich, we'll go to America to watch the NBA. Damn, if we want to see Jordan, we'll see Jordan; if we want to criticize Kobe, we'll criticize Kobe. We'll buy two tickets at a time—one for the ticket check, and one to blow our noses during the game! When we're rich, we'll eat popsicles and munch on ice cream. Damn, if we want to eat hawthorn berries, we'll eat hawthorn berries; if we want to eat cream, we'll eat cream. We'll buy two popsicles at a time, eat one, and slurp the other!
When we have money, we'll go to Zhongguancun and build a computer. Damn it, if I want a Pentium 4, I'll buy a Pentium 4; if I want an Athlon, I'll buy an Athlon. I'll buy two CPUs at once, use one, and overclock the other until it burns out!
When we have money, we'll go to Yansha and buy silk scarves. Damn, if I want red, I'll buy red; if I want green, I'll buy green. I'll buy two at once—one around my neck and one around my waist.
When we have money, we'll get artistic photos taken. Damn it, we can take photos looking like a human or a ghost, two sets at a time, one with clothes on and one without!
When we have money, we'll buy luxury cars. If we want a Mercedes, we'll buy a Mercedes; if we want a BMW, we'll buy a BMW. We'll buy two at once, one to drive in front and one towed behind!
When we have money, we'll buy luxury villas. Damn it, if we want to buy in the city, we'll buy in the city; if we want to buy in the suburbs, we'll buy in the suburbs. We'll buy two at once, one for me to live in and one for raising pigs!
When we have money, we'll go for massages every day. Damn, we'll massage our legs whenever we want, and our backs whenever we want. We'll hire two masseuses at once, one to massage and the other to watch!
Once we have money, we won't be afraid of getting sick. Damn it, if we want AIDS, we'll get AIDS; if we want SARS, we'll get SARS. We'll pass it on to the manager and the moderator!
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When we have money
Although playing CS is dangerous and making money is hard work, my ambitions are lofty!
When we have money, we'll buy Desert Eagles and sniper rifles. Damn, we can shoot through walls and boxes whenever we want. We'll buy as many bullets as we can and fire randomly whenever we want. We'll be so happy! When we have money, we'll buy AKs and helmets. Damn, we'll buy six of them. We'll hold one in our hands and drop five on the ground. We can use whichever one we want!
When we have money, we'll buy a heavy machine gun and a pair of pistols. Damn, we can sweep the sky whenever we want and sweep the ground whenever we want. We'll buy two heavy machine guns, one to hold in our hands and the other to throw behind the box!
Once we have money, we'll buy a sniper rifle, a helmet, and damn it, we can snipe whoever we want. If we're worried the armor is fake, we'll just throw a grenade to blow some off and then buy a new one!
When we have money, we'll buy an IE3.0, a 1030, damn it, we'll use whatever we want. If we're going to buy a 1030, we'll buy two, one on the desk and one under the desk! When we have money, we'll buy a P4, a P5, damn it, we'll buy whatever's the best. If we're going to buy a CPU, we'll buy two, one in the computer and one to boil eggs.
Once we have money, we'll buy servers, buy G3 lines, and damn it, we can kick whoever we want, ban whoever we want, and buy 100 CD keys, use one, and get 99 free!
Once we have money, we'll form teams, buy mercenaries, and damn it, we can use whoever we want. Johnny R and Heaton, I want them both! One can snipe, and the other can pour my tea!
When we have money, we'll buy nuclear bombs and airplanes. Damn, we can bomb whoever we want. If we're going to buy them, we'll buy two—one to bomb the CT (presumably a CT, a game mechanic) and one to bomb the moderator. :)
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When we have money~~ (Lanzhou version)!
When we have money, we'll go to Jin Ding to eat ramen. Damn, we'll add eggs if we want, and beef if we want. We'll order two bowls of ramen at a time, eat one, and leave the other one!
When we have money, we'll go to the square for breakfast. Damn, we can eat whatever we want, whether it's fancy food or chicken. We'll buy two hamburgers at a time, eat one, and throw the other like a frisbee!
When we have money, we'll eat hot pot and mutton hot pot. Damn, if we want to eat fatty mutton, we'll eat fatty mutton; if we want to eat fatty beef, we'll eat fatty beef. We'll have two pots of hot pot at once, one to eat and one to cook!
When we have money, we'll travel by train. Damn, we can sit in a hard seat if we want, or in a soft sleeper if we want. We'll buy two sleeper berths at once, one for sleeping on the upper berth and one for storing our luggage on the lower berth!
When we have money, we'll fly abroad and travel. Damn, we can fly in fighter jets or bombers whenever we want. We can charter two planes at once, one for us and one to escort us!
When I have money, I'll travel the world and find prostitutes. Damn, I can go to New York whenever I want, or Paris whenever I want, and I can hire two girls from different countries at a time, hug one and hold the other!
When we have money, we'll go to Paris and sell historical sites. Damn, if we want to buy an Eiffel Tower, we'll buy an Eiffel Tower; if we want to buy an Arc de Triomphe, we'll buy an Eiffel Tower and put it on the roof as an antenna; and put the Arc de Triomphe in front of our house as an archway!
Once we have money, we'll take spaceships into space. Damn, we can go to the moon whenever we want, or to Mars whenever we want. We'll charter two spaceships at a time, one for going there and one for coming back!
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When we have money (male)
When we have money, we'll hire a few Japanese bastards. We can beat them up, curse them as we please, make one die of anger, one die of exhaustion, one die of starvation, one die of overeating, one drown, one choke to death... we can make them die however we want.
When we have money, we can drink fine wine and smoke cigarettes. We can drink red wine or white wine as we please, and we can light two cigarettes, one to smoke and one to burn.
Once we have a car, we can break traffic rules whenever we want, run over police officers whenever we want, and run red lights twice—once for a red light and once for a green light.
Once we have money, we can go to Europe whenever we want, or to the Americas whenever we want, chartering two planes at a time—one for ourselves and one for escort.
When we have money, we'll buy a computer. We can install XP if we want, or NT if we want. We'll install two versions of XP at once, use one, and keep the other.
When we have money, we can eat popsicles and munch on shaved ice, eat hawthorn berries if we want, eat cream if we want, and buy two popsicles at a time, eating one and slurping the other.
When we have money, we'll raise two children first. If we want a boy, we'll have a boy; if we want a girl, we'll have a girl. If we have a boy, I'll have two at once, one to hold and one to hold hands with.
Once we have money, we'll build a palace. We'll have beautiful women and fine wine whenever we want. We'll also find two eunuchs: Mao Ning and Hong Dou.
When we have money, we'll eat candied hawthorns as our main meal. We can have sweet ones or spicy ones, one for lunch and one for dinner.
When we have money, we'll first buy a refrigerator so we can eat frozen tofu whenever we want and drink ice-cold beer whenever we want. We'll also buy a twin-tub washing machine, one tub for noodles and one tub for rice. When we have money, we'll use Project Hope to increase our visibility, build schools whenever we want, donate tens of thousands of yuan whenever we want, and find two brand ambassadors: one is Veronica Yip, and the other is Amy Yip.
When we have money, we want to get plastic surgery like celebrities. We can get a facelift if we want, double eyelid surgery if we want, and get two sets of veneers—one for taking advantage of others and the other for living off a woman.
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等咱有了钱(女)
等咱有了钱，天天去做美体。咱想瘦哪里瘦哪里，想大哪里就大哪里。贵宾卡一次买两张，上半身用一张，下半身用一张。等咱有了钱，天天上美容院。咱想双眼皮就双眼皮，想单眼皮就单眼皮。一个手术包俩手术室，开左眼用一个，开右眼用一个。等咱有了钱，上韩国整容去。咱想变张柏芝就变张柏芝，想变张曼玉就变张曼玉。整一次去十人，先试验九人，效果满意自己上。
等咱有了钱，叫人来洗头。咱想干洗就干洗，想湿洗就湿洗。一次找两个人，一个帮我洗头，一个自己洗给我看。
等咱有了钱，天天洗温泉。咱想桑拿就桑拿，想泡澡就泡澡。搓背搓两次，进去时搓一次，回家前再搓一次。
等咱有了钱，十步路也要打的。咱想上车就上车，想走路就让车跟着。一次打俩车，一辆爱坐不坐，一辆就是不坐。
等咱有了钱，车子随便买。咱想买宝马买宝马，想买奔驰买奔驰。司机请两个，开车一个，擦车一个。
等咱有了钱，房子随便买。咱想住古北住古北，想住西郊住西郊。阿姨找十个，用五个，竞争上岗五个。
等咱有了钱，去恒隆买包。咱想买lv就买lv，想买chanel就买chanel。每款包买两个，自己用一个，上坟给外婆烧一个。
等咱有了钱，再也不穿合成皮。咱想穿貂皮穿貂皮，想穿狐皮穿狐皮。一式大衣买两件，晴天穿一件，雨天不打伞穿一件。等咱有了钱，吃香的喝辣的。咱想天九翅就天九翅，想血燕窝就血燕窝。吃次鱼翅叫俩碗，喝一碗，漱口一碗。
等咱有了钱，股票随便炒。咱想做长线做长线，想做短线做短线。每支股票抛两次，熊市抛一半，牛市再抛一半。
等咱有了钱，见天就搞。咱想上市就上市，想撤资就撤资。原则有两个，收购减一个零，转手加一个零。
等咱有了钱，帮着老公包二奶。咱想包日本妞包日本妞，想包美国妞包美国妞。每晚上睡俩，一个陪老公，一个陪老爸。等咱有了钱，爱跟谁跟谁。咱想找田亮找田亮，想找姚明找姚明。老公确保一个，离一个，结一个。
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等咱有了钱（新版）
等咱有了钱，喝五粮液吃串串香，妈的想吃5毛的吃5毛的，想吃1块的吃1块的，五粮液买两瓶，喝一瓶，吐一瓶！等咱有了钱，吃面条和米线，妈的想给钱就给钱，想不给钱就不给钱，每次人都去两个，吃完跑路一个，洗碗还债一个！等咱有了钱，吃洋葱嚼胡豆，妈的吃完想拉屎就拉屎，想放屁就放屁，每次屁放两个，干脆的一个，带尾音的一个。等咱有了钱，先买一手机，想打给老江就打给老江，想打给小胡就打给小胡，每人打两遍，一通乱骂一遍，跪下道歉一遍!等咱有了钱，带mm上酒店去开房，妈的想开1楼开1楼，想开顶楼开顶楼，每次开两间，调情一间，办事一间！
等咱有了钱，包几个日本花姑娘，想打就打，想骂就骂，一个气死，一个累死，一个饿死，一个撑死，一个淹死，一个呛死，......想让她怎么死就怎么死！！！
等咱有了钱，喝娃哈哈看动画片，妈的想喝几瓶喝几瓶，想看多久看多久。动画片租两套，还一套，留一套！
等咱有了钱，买拖拉机开荒地，妈的想种鸦片种鸦片，想种大麻种大麻，每样种两次，今年种一次，来年种一次！
等咱有了钱，全都去旅游，妈的想上火星就上火星，想去月球就去月球，一次包两架飞船，咱坐一架，咱家旺财坐一架。等咱有了钱，去黑市上买a片，妈的想买单碟买单碟，想买双碟买双碟，每样儿买两张，单碟自己看一张，双碟送邻居一张！等咱有了钱，去金利来买内裤，妈的想买红的买红的，想买绿的买绿的，一次买两条，身上穿一条，头上戴一条！
等咱有了钱，去照结婚照，妈的想照成两人照成两人，想照成三人照成三人，一次照两套，大老婆一套，小老婆一套。等咱有了钱，去打美国，妈的想用飞机用飞机，想用导弹用导弹，一天炸三次，早上炸一次，中午炸一次，睡觉前再炸一次。
等咱有了钱，咱就去当皇上，妈的想啥时候工作就啥时候工作，想在哪工作就在哪工作，一天只工作两趟，白天朝上一趟，晚上后宫一趟。
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等咱有了钱（金庸版）
慕容复：等咱有了钱，到处拉选票，妈的想当大燕皇帝就当大燕皇帝，想当大汉皇帝就当大汉皇帝。皇宫盖两处，一处上朝用，一处当厕所。
海大富：等咱有了钱，人造器官随便装。妈的想做太监就做太监，想不做太监就不做太监。那玩意儿安两根，撒尿用一根，上床用一根。
丁春秋：等咱有了钱，到处开星宿派学习班，妈的想收男徒弟就收男徒弟，想收女徒弟就收女徒弟。学生分两个班，一班拍马屁用，一班自焚用。
木桑道长：等咱有了钱，天天办围棋大奖赛，妈的想跟聂卫平下就跟聂卫平下，想跟李昌镐玩就跟李昌镐玩。棋手请两拨，一拨支招，一拨起哄。
东方不败：等咱有了钱，天天做变性手术，妈的想当男人就当男人，想当女人就当女人。乳房装四个，自己抓两个，莲弟抓两个。
尹志平：等咱有了钱，逮谁克隆谁，妈的想要美女就要美女，想要丑女就要丑女。小龙女克隆两个，一个洗脚，一个搓背。
左冷禅：等咱有了钱，专搞托拉斯，妈的想并华山就并华山，想并泰山就并泰山。五岳盟主一次选两个，一个给我倒茶递烟，一个给我站岗值班。
钟万仇：等咱有了钱，专拣姓段的欺负，妈的想送绿帽子就送绿帽子，想抽嘴巴子就抽嘴巴子。门口罚站的贴墙排两排，立正一排，拿大顶一排。
归辛树：等咱有了钱，灵丹妙药可劲儿买，妈的想给儿子吃人参就给儿子吃人参，想给儿子吃鹿茸就给儿子吃鹿茸。汤药一次煎两碗，喝一碗，倒一碗。
大老爷们儿：等咱有了钱，天天雇枪手在西祠里骂，妈的想抬谁就抬谁，想灭谁就灭谁。请的人都得长两张嘴，一张骂服务器烂，一张骂西祠乱删帖。
田伯光：等咱有了钱，买通不戒老婆，想什么时阉老秃驴，就什么时阉老秃驴。跑的时候两头驴，左边一头扛行李，右边一头拉仪琳。================================================================================
人穷志短版
等咱有了钱，天天吃蛋炒饭，想拌葱花就拌葱花，想和生姜就和生姜，紫菜汤上两碗，一碗当场下饭，一碗打包作消夜。
等咱有了钱，天天坐车上班，想坐595就坐595（我们上班的工业园区的班车线路），想打小面包就打小面包，座位占两个，一个自己坐，一个就不让人坐。
等咱有了钱，天天买彩票，想买体彩就买体彩，想买福彩就买福彩，6+1一次买两张，一张用来兑奖，一张拿回家收藏。
等咱有了钱，天天逛超市，想买吃的就买吃的，想买用的就买用的，一天逛两次，早上先去看一次，晚上再去买一次。
等咱有了钱，天天去沸腾鱼乡（工厂旁边的小饭馆），想煮火锅就煮火锅，想炒青菜就炒青菜，麻辣鱼来两盆，一盆全是鱼，一盆全是汤。
■饥寒交迫版
等咱有了钱，天天吃白米饭，想拌红薯就拌红薯，想和南瓜就和南瓜，玉米饼烙两张，一张趁热吃，一张留到过年。
等咱有了钱，天天穿鞋走路，想穿布鞋就穿布鞋，想穿草鞋就穿草鞋，袜子要两双，一双走路穿，一双睡觉穿。
等咱有了钱，天天要烤火，想烤木炭就烤木炭，想烤煤球就烤煤球，炉子砌俩，一个顺便烧开水，一个顺便熬稀饭。
等咱有了钱，天天不干活，想半夜睡觉就半夜睡觉，想中午起床就中午起床，午饭吃两次，一次兼早饭，一次兼晚饭。
等咱有了钱，天天去赶集，想称毛线就称毛线，想扯棉布就扯棉布，夹袄做两件，花的过年在家穿，素的出门讨饭穿。
When we have money, we can sunbathe every day, sunbathing our scalps or our feet whenever we want. We'll prepare two pounds of peanuts, one pound to eat and one pound to plant in our own land.
■For the petite bourgeoisie
When we have money, we'll go for body treatments every day. We can lose weight wherever we want, and get bigger wherever we want. We'll buy two VIP cards at once, one for the upper body and one for the lower body.
When we have money, we'll go to beauty salons every day. We can have double eyelids whenever we want, or single eyelids whenever we want. We'll use two operating rooms for one procedure—one for the left eye and one for the right.
When we have money, we'll hire someone to wash our hair. We can dry clean it if we want, or wet clean it if we want. We'll hire two people at a time, one to wash my hair and the other to wash it for me to see.
When we have money, we'll go to hot springs every day. We'll go to saunas whenever we want, and take baths whenever we want. We'll get our backs scrubbed twice—once when we go in and once more before we leave.
When we have money, we'll take a taxi even for a ten-step walk. We can get in whenever we want, and walk whenever we want with a car following us. We can take two taxis at once, one we can choose to take or leave, and the other we absolutely won't take.
Once we have money, we can buy any car we want. We can buy a BMW if we want, a Mercedes if we want. We'll hire two drivers, one to drive and one to wash the cars.
When we have money, we can buy any house we want. We can live in Gubei if we want, or in the western suburbs if we want. We can hire ten housekeepers, use five, and have five compete for the positions.
When we have money, we'll go to Hang Lung Plaza and buy bags. We'll buy LV if we want, and Chanel if we want. We'll buy two of each style—one for ourselves and one to burn at Grandma's grave.
When we have money, we'll never wear synthetic leather again. We'll wear mink if we want, and fox fur if we want. We'll buy two coats of the same style, one for sunny days and the other for rainy days without an umbrella.
Once we have money, we can trade stocks however we want. We can invest long-term or short-term as we please. We'll sell each stock twice: half in a bear market and the other half in a bull market.
Once we have the money, we can do whatever we want. We can go public whenever we want, or withdraw our investment whenever we want. There are two principles: subtract one zero from acquisitions, and add one zero to resales.
What would you do if you had money?

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Jokes until we have money (full collection)

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