Original Joke Collection - Featured Jokes, Issue 89, Part 2

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9. Before I even got off work, my girlfriend asked, "Honey, what do you want to eat?"
Upon hearing this, I was surprised she was suddenly interested in cooking, so I casually suggested a few dishes. She replied on the phone, "Honey, where should we eat?" @County Magistrate
10. Baozi: Even if you are torn to pieces and chopped into a thousand pieces by others, I will still forgive you without any hesitation.
Fried dough sticks: Only those who can withstand the torment of high temperatures, like me, can achieve more.
Wotou: In this day and age, you have to be careful no matter what you do.
Tangyuan: Don't be fooled by my always white and silver exterior. Whether I'm pretty or not isn't the most important thing. The key is that my heart can bring sweetness to others.
Huajuan: Although I don't have a high price tag, I can still be quite popular just by being creative.
Lamb skewers: Don't let my burnt and mangled appearance fool you; everyone loves my irresistible aroma. @Rainfall
11. Snake: I don't know what sins I committed in my past life, that I am born without arms and legs.
Centipede: You always steal things, so God will punish you.
Snake: And what about you? How come you have so many hands and feet?
Centipede: My past life was too hard. I was an entrepreneur, a philanthropist, and a member of the CPPCC. In my spare time, I liked to paint, fish, and play cards. I didn't have enough hands!
Snake: Then what do you mean by maggots?
Centipede: Its predecessor was a corrupt official.
Snake: Oh, I see, they're even darker than me.
Centipede: So let him eat shit for the rest of his life.
@Tang Bohu
12. After dinner, the family watched TV in the living room.
I cut a watermelon and put it on the coffee table, then used toothpicks to pick up slices and feed them to my 3-year-old son.
After a while, the husband turned his head and said unhappily:
"Can't you please balance things out for me? There are two men, why are you only feeding one?"
I glanced at my husband, about to reply, when my son said seriously from the side, "This is my mom. If you want to eat, ask your mom to feed you!"
13. That morning, Manager Huang took his beautiful secretary, Wang Xiaohong, to a secluded entertainment center for a relaxing getaway.
Manager Huang inadvertently discovered that Xiao Liu from the company was spending money in another guest room.
Xiao Liu and Manager Huang's wife work in the same department. Manager Huang thought to himself, "This guy doesn't work properly, but dares to come here and fool around."
So, without batting an eye, he dialed Xiao Liu's number: "Hey, Xiao Liu, what are you busy with?"
Xiao Liu quickly replied, "Manager, I'm working on reports in the office!"
Manager Huang continued leisurely, "Alright, please call me back immediately using the office landline."
Manager Huang was secretly pleased with himself when his wife's yelling came through the phone: "Xiao Liu and I are working non-stop, he doesn't have time to waste with your nonsense!" @Fangzhongke
14. Wife: How can you just fire me like that? Don't you want to ask your manager?
Husband: I...I...I dare not...
Wife: Damn it, you're such a coward... They say alcohol emboldens cowards, come on, have a drink and go ask... Saying that, she poured herself a glass of wine...
Husband: Hmm... I'll drink it all in one gulp...
Wife: How is it?
Husband: I'm still a little scared...
Wife: You're such a hopeless case. Have another drink... How are you now?
My husband's face turned bright red, and he yelled: "Who dares to let me go? I'll make them pay!"
15. Patient: Doctor, my finger is cut...
The doctor glanced at it and said, "Oh..." He then picked up a pen, quickly wrote something down, and said, "Go on, let's get it checked..."
Patient: Doctor, it's just a cut on my hand, why do I need an electrocardiogram?
Doctor: Oh dear, haven't you heard of this person? The ten fingers are connected to the heart... How can I feel at ease if you don't investigate thoroughly?
16. Wife: How did you feel when you married me?
Husband: It feels like I've fallen into a well...
Wife: We've been married for a few years now, how do you feel?
Husband: Hmm... It's still falling, it hasn't hit the bottom yet...
17. Grandpa: Come here, grandson, let me test you...
Grandson: Grandpa, go ahead and ask...
Grandpa: I'm eighty years old this year. How old do you think I'll be next year?
The grandson counted on his fingers: Hmm, seventy-nine...
Grandpa: Why?
Sun Tzu: Haven't you always said that each year is one less year?
18. Husband: Honey, have you finished shopping? Is there anything else...?
Wife: You've run around with me, are you tired? Why don't you sit here and rest for a bit, I'll go buy you a bottle of water...
Husband: Hehe, my wife understands me best...
Wife: Here, sit here and finish this water, then I'll be back...
The husband looked miserable: "Honey, 2.5 liters? How long am I supposed to drink that...?"
19. Tang Sanzang: Your Majesty, we're back from our business trip, but what about the expenses...?
Emperor Taizong: It's just a little travel expense, isn't it? My dear brother, don't worry...
Tang Sanzang: Also, look… (handing over a cost sheet)
Emperor Taizong looked at the list: "Travel expenses: 100,000 taels; Activity expenses: 1 million taels. What? There are activity expenses too?"
Tang Sanzang: Your Majesty, you don't know this, but think about it, every time we arrive at a place, we need to go through customs and get official documents. Is it so easy to get an official stamp? Can you get one without spending money and pulling strings?
Emperor Taizong: Why is there also a labor fee and entertainment fee of one million taels?
Tang Sanzang: Your Majesty, there are so many monsters along the way. If we ask the gods for help, who will come if we don't pay them? Wages are rising these days, and now that people are coming—oh, no, gods can't come carrying a burden, can they? Shouldn't we treat them to a meal?
Emperor Taizong: ...

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Original Joke Collection - Featured Jokes, Issue 89, Part 2

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