[Humorous Jokes]

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-14

I was thinking of getting a new iPhone and brought it up with a female classmate. Me: "I want to buy an Apple." Her: "Great, buy a sweet one." Me: "Sweet? Not for eating, but for using." Her: "Huh? An apple isn't a cucumber, how do you use it?"
I remember one time, on my way home, I was faced with countless temptations! A group of hair salon girls waved at me, but I ignored them; a group of foot massage girls flirted with me, but I remained unmoved; a beggar asked me for help, but I gave him a cold shoulder! Looking at this dazzling, decadent world, I sighed deeply: "If only I had money in my pocket!"
If your wife and your lover both fell into the water, would you choose a voluptuous woman or a petite one? "I'd also choose one who can't swim."
On my way to class today, I ran into our female advisor and casually handed her a banana that I had planned to take with me. She quickly said, "Thank you...no, no, really no..." Then, for some reason, I blurted out, "No, you can have it!"
On the bus, a young mother was breastfeeding her baby. The baby wasn't eating properly, so the mother got angry and said to the child, "Are you going to eat or not? If not, I'll give it to the uncle next to me!" She said this several times. The uncle sitting next to her couldn't help but say, "My little prince, give me a straight answer! I've already missed my stop two stops!"
An unmarried girl discovers she's pregnant, and her first reaction is, "Oh no, my mom is going to kill me." Little does she know, the baby in her womb is also thinking, "Oh no, my mom is going to kill me."
I just discovered that condoms have such a cute name, "Blocking Fairy"... So... Ready~ Sing! On the right side of the left leg and the left side of the right leg, there is a Blocking Fairy, they are thin and transparent, they are smooth and beautiful. They freely shuttle in the great black forest, they are safe and considerate, preventing unintended pregnancies. Wife: Your new secretary is quite pretty! Husband: Yes! Wife: What about her taste? Husband: Pretty good. Wife: Is she considerate? Husband: Not bad! Wife: Is she enthusiastic about her work? Husband: So-so! Wife: How about her clothes? Husband: Pretty fast... Question: Why is it easier to coax a girlfriend than a mother-in-law? Answer: Because the mother-in-law has already been fooled once... A house suddenly caught fire. The homeowner stood outside anxiously, rushing forward and shouting, "Let me in, I need to save my wife!" The police restrained him and told him to calm down: "The fire department will rescue her."
No sooner had he finished speaking than a loud bang was heard. The homeowner immediately looked dejected and said, "Oh no, I'll have to buy another one." The policeman next to him turned green with shock.
Sun Wukong, wanting to borrow the Banana Leaf Fan, tricked his way into Princess Iron Fan's stomach. Here's the dialogue: Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I'm already inside you." Princess Iron Fan: "Come out quickly! Uncle, I can't take it anymore..." Wukong: "Sister-in-law, I'm about to come out, open your mouth!" Princess Iron Fan: "Oops!" The Bull Demon King, overhearing this outside, left behind a divorce agreement... and fled to a distant land.
Several female colleagues often chatted together, and one time they were talking about how accurate their sixth sense was. While they were talking, another female colleague walked over, and upon hearing this, immediately chimed in: "I don't like sixth sense!" Everyone hurriedly asked why, and she replied: "I like Durex."
The husband asked, "What if I have an affair?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "I'm very gentle. At most, I'll cripple you, but I won't kill you!" The husband, touched, said, "You're so good to me!" The wife laughed and said, "Even if we can't be husband and wife, we can still be sisters!"
A beautiful actress came home from work one evening and went into the bathroom to rinse her mouth vigorously. Her husband asked anxiously, "What's wrong today?" The actress replied, "I filmed kissing scenes all afternoon, it's disgusting, I had to rinse my mouth as soon as I got home!" Her husband was speechless. A few days later, the actress came home and took a long shower. Her husband was shocked and asked, "What? Did you film a sex scene today?"
At the dinner table, the leader, slightly tipsy, picked up his glass and said: "Men in their twenties are like beer, fast-paced life! Men in their thirties are like red wine, refined taste! Men in their forties, like me, are like baijiu, and a fine vintage at that, just one drop is enough to get you drunk!" The beautiful young woman, also a bit tipsy, uttered a suggestive remark: "At your age, you'd be lucky to even get one drop out!"
Xiao Zhang had just been promoted to deputy general manager of the hotel and was extremely excited. When he returned home late at night and entered his room in the dark, he excitedly shouted, "I'm the deputy general manager!" At this moment, his wife said from the bed, "Get in bed, your subordinate Xiao Zhang will be back soon."
Daughter: I heard the "first time" is very painful, how painful is it? Mom: Imagine someone stuffing a carrot up your nostril… Daughter: …What about childbirth? I heard it's even more painful? Mom: Imagine someone stuffing a watermelon up your nostril and then pulling it out… Daughter: …Once, I scraped my knee playing basketball, and it scabbed over after a few days… One day, while showering, the masseur saw the scrape on my knee and said earnestly: Young man, you need to change your positions more often…
The boy had just arrived at his girlfriend's house and couldn't wait to kiss her! The girlfriend said, "No, I'm on my period!!" The boy was confused: "What does kissing have to do with periods?" So he forcefully kissed her, when suddenly a woman rushed out of the kitchen! The woman pointed at the boy and yelled, "Why are you bullying my niece?!"
A friend of mine had his purse cut open at the First People's Hospital, losing 1,000 yuan. His girlfriend scolded him, saying, "You're so useless! Didn't you feel anything when it was cut? No allowance for this month, what are you going to do now?" PS: Give a thumbs up to anyone who mistook "purse" for "foreskin".

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[Humorous Jokes]

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