Joke Collection

page views:1 Publication date:2022-05-22

Burning with lust
The wolf's son asked his father what "being consumed by lust" meant, and the wolf subtly told him it meant someone wanted something.
Once, during a Chinese class, there was no chalk. Just as the young female teacher was about to go get some, Old Wolf's son immediately stood up and said, "Teacher, I know you're burning with desire, so let me satisfy you~"
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A mouse carrying a bundle
A louse lived under a young woman's armpit, and a flea lived under hers. They had lived together peacefully for many years, with their navels as the dividing line. Suddenly one day, the flea came to the louse very early in the morning and said, "Brother Louse, something bad has happened." The louse said, "Brother Flea, what's wrong? Why are you in such a hurry to come over so early? What's wrong?" The flea said, "Don't even mention it! Last night, a mouse carrying a bundle kept going in and out of its hole, keeping me up all night!"
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A charming widow
A friend of mine—a rather charming widow—wanted to buy a new car. Her two sons did extensive research for this purpose.
Ultimately, the X-type was deemed the best because it has a very spacious interior.
“Two six-foot-tall men could sit comfortably in the back seat!” one of her sons told her.
Surprisingly, my mother bought a smaller one.
“Didn’t we already tell you that type X is the best?” one of the sons asked, puzzled.
"Yes, but I only need a six-foot-tall man, and he doesn't need to sit in the back seat!"
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Artillery cook
Do you know which type of soldier is the most pitiful in the military?
"have no idea."
"Of course, it's the cooks in the artillery company."
"Why?"
"Because he was cuckolded, he was blamed, and he could only watch others have sex."
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Best Bride
The wedding night is an unforgettable experience for any bride. After this night, a new life begins. What do brides around the world say to their husbands on this new morning?
German bride: "Hans, are you asleep?"
French bride: "Darling, am I beautiful?"
Japanese bride: "I'm so sorry, please forgive me for not serving you well enough."
American bride: "So? How much is a night of passion worth?...A thousand pieces of gold? Do you mean US dollars or gold?"
British bride: "Tell me, for our child, do you want him to go to Cambridge or Oxford?"
Italian bride: "Gino! Are you still alive?"
Chinese bride: "My lord, I want more..."
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Like master, like parrot
A truck driver was transporting a load of hens with his pet parrot. Feeling lonely along the way, a young woman flagged him down for a ride. The driver readily agreed. During the journey, the driver began to grope her, which angered the woman. The driver threatened, "Let me touch you or not? If not, get out!" The woman got out of the truck. Unable to vent his anger, the driver tossed the parrot into the back of the truck. Later, the driver noticed the hens in the back of the truck jumping off. Curious, he stopped to investigate. Only one hen and the pet parrot remained in the back. The parrot seemed to say to the hen, "Let me touch you or not? If not, get out!"
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Three suicide attempts
A man committed suicide and went to see God.
God asked, "My child, why did you commit suicide?"
The man said, "I pursued a woman, but she said I wasn't tall, handsome, or good-looking enough, so I was rejected."
God nodded thoughtfully and said, "That's true. Visual appeal is very important in love. Here's what I'll do: I'll give you a stunningly beautiful exterior that's unparalleled in the world. Now go back and pursue your happiness."
As God spoke, He began to chant a spell.
With a "whoosh," the man was gone.
A week later, the man returned and killed himself a second time. God asked, "My child, why did you commit suicide?"
The man said painfully, "After I went back, the woman said that although I was very handsome, I didn't understand her at all. I was rejected again."
God nodded understandingly: "Of course, if you don't understand a person, you can't judge them by appearances. You can't judge a book by its cover."
As God spoke, He began to chant a spell.
With a "whoosh," the man was gone.
A week later, the man returned and attempted suicide for the third time.
God asked in surprise, "My child, why did you commit suicide again?"
The man said in extreme anguish: "When I got back, even though I was very handsome and knew her well, she said she had already given her body to another man..."
God looked at the unfortunate man with pity and finally said, "Well then, since you like that woman so much, I will let that man die, and then the woman will be yours. Go back now!"
As God began to chant a spell, he was only halfway through when, with a loud "bang!!!", God collapsed to the ground, dead.
The man exclaimed happily, "Now I can finally go back and pursue that beautiful nun!!"
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A clever writer
A well-known writer was invited to give a lecture. At the end of his lecture, he invited the audience and guests to ask questions. Unexpectedly, the writer received a note with the words "bastard" written on it.
The writer paused for a moment, then smiled and said, "Usually, the notes I receive only have the question written on them, not the name. But this note only has the name written on it, and forgot to write the question! The signature on the note is 'Bastard'."
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Apply what you've learned
One day, at an American law school, there was a criminal law exam.
The professor's first question to the students was: "What is the crime of fraud?"
One student replied, "If you don't let me pass the exam, you're committing fraud."
The professor was very surprised: "How do you explain this? Which student can answer this question?"
One student said, "According to criminal law, anyone who takes advantage of another's ignorance and causes them loss is guilty of fraud."
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What a drunkard!
A jewelry store was robbed. When the police arrived at the scene, they found a drunk man lying there. In order to find out where the jewelry was, the police found a bucket of cold water, and while holding the drunk man's head in the water, they asked, "Did you see the jewelry?"

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